NationStates Jolt Archive

According to my parents, the idea of a married man having a girlfriend is disgusting. My mom called it "slimy".

So what does NSG think? Are married men with girlfriends a problem? Is anybody here such a man or married to or dating such a man?

Just to be clear, by "two women men" I am not referring to men who hide affairs from their wife or pretend that they are not married and try to pick up other women. I am referring to men who love their wives and at least care for their girlfriends and are honest with their women. I am also not referring to polygamy.

Not that it matters, but I always thought that my parents were rather liberal. They describe themselves as "tax and spend liberals" and even support gay marriage. I am so surprised to hear that they have a problem with consensual honest heterosexual relationships that happen to be a little outside of the norm.

I've of the school of thought that if it doesn't hurt those involved then it's fine. These are consenting adults and as long as they are all on the same page then it's completely their choice. It's not a bad thing when people are honest with each other, and if these people want to live their lives like this, then it's their choice.

Yes.

If you want to have more than one girl, don't get married. Marriage is a commitment between one man, and ONLY one man, and one woman, and ONLY one woman, to join together, create a new social unit, and ideally produce children. Preservation and stabilization of that commitment and that social unit is far more important than gratifying some horndog's excessive lust.

Yes.

If you want to have more than one girl, don't get married. Marriage is a commitment between one man, and ONLY one man, and one woman, and ONLY one woman, to join together, create a new social unit, and ideally produce children. Preservation and stabilization of that commitment and that social unit is far more important than gratifying some horndog's excessive lust.

Morality police, to the rescue!


If its open and honest with all parties involved, whats the harm in it? It doesnt hurt anyone, except for (apperantly) the sensabilities of a few prudes. And Ill be honest, I stopped caring about offending their sensabilities a loooooooong time ago.

if some guy wants to deal with two women he is welcome to, I personally don't see any harm in a bit of fun

tbh I'd be cool with it

Is anybody here such a man

I wish.

Preservation and stabilization of that commitment and that social unit is far more important than gratifying some horndog's excessive lust.

to who?

If its open and honest with all parties involved, whats the harm in it?

well the mrs (har har) would say the maintenance of a healthy relationship and how much drama it causes

Yes.

If you want to have more than one girl, don't get married. Marriage is a commitment between one man, and ONLY one man, and one woman, and ONLY one woman, to join together, create a new social unit, and ideally produce children. Preservation and stabilization of that commitment and that social unit is far more important than gratifying some horndog's excessive lust.

If all the parties involved are amiable to the situation, then what's the harm?

If all the parties involved are amiable to the situation, then what's the harm?

It offends the sensabilities of good Christians, apperantly. And thats what the law is made to protect against, right?

I almost thought 'women men' meant transvestites...

According to my parents, the idea of a married man having a girlfriend is disgusting. My mom called it "slimy".

So what does NSG think? Are married men with girlfriends a problem? Is anybody here such a man or married to or dating such a man?

Just to be clear, by "two women men" I am not referring to men who hide affairs from their wife or pretend that they are not married and try to pick up other women. I am referring to men who love their wives and at least caer for their girlfriends and are honest with their women. I am also not referring to polygamy.

Not that it matters, but I always thought that my parents were rather liberal. They describe themselves as "tax and spend liberals" and even support gay marriage. I am so surprised to hear that they have a problem with consensual honest heterosexual relationships that happen to be a little outside of the norm.

well, is this going with the assumption that the wife does not know about the mistress?

if no, then yes, I would think it's 'slimy.'

if yes, then no.

and why only women? what would you think if it was a married woman with a boyfriend?

It offends the sensabilities of good Christians, apperantly. And thats what the law is made to protect against, right?

I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he has a reason to be against it that doesn't involve his personal moral objections. Let's just let him answer.

what would you think if it was a married woman with a boyfriend?

I'd object to it, something about some random dick boning the Mrs makes me reach for the the keys the car and some rope

i don't know precisely what i was hoping this to be about (two evil transvestites, perhaps), but i am disappointed

i don't know precisely what i was hoping this to be about (two evil transvestites, perhaps), but i am disappointed

Definately this.

Marriage is a commitment between one man, and ONLY one man, and one woman, and ONLY one woman, to join together, create a new social unit, and ideally produce children.

not according to the religion i grew up in

Lying to and cheating on your spouse is wrong. If you're want to have sex with someone else, at least have the decency to invite your husband/wife. *nod*

not according to the religion i grew up in

Mormonism?

Lying to and cheating on your spouse is wrong. If you're want to have sex with someone else, at least have the decency to invite your husband/wife. *nod*

no way they always hog the covers!

I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt that he has a reason to be against it that doesn't involve his personal moral objections.

Read his post. That exactly what his objection is.

Let's just let him answer.

Id like him to. But he wont.

Marriage - traditional marriage - is a sacred bond between a man, a woman, and God.

Yeah, bit of a threesome.

Orgy if you view the Trinity as three.

Id like him to. But he wont.

have you heard of the ignore button?

Orgy if you view the Trinity as three.

http://img124.imageshack.us/img124/6598/masturbate.jpg

have you heard of the ignore button?


Why would I ignore him if I want him to answer?

Yeah, bit of a threesome.

Orgy if you view the Trinity as three.

I must... not... laugh. *fails*:D

Mormonism?

lutheran

Marriage is a commitment between one man, and ONLY one man, and one woman, and ONLY one woman, to join together, create a new social unit, and ideally produce children.
Kindly remember that the world consists of more than the (WASP) US.

Kindly remember that the world consists of more than the (WASP) US.

Psh. You guys dont count:p

Marriage - traditional marriage - is a sacred bond between a man, a woman, and God.

Yeah, bit of a threesome.

Orgy if you view the Trinity as three.

considering that nuns considered themselves married to Christ... it's a virtual love fest!

considering that nuns considered themselves married to Christ... it's a virtual love fest!

Wow, Christianity is really kinky. Maybe I should get back into this religion:D

If you went into your marriage with the understanding that it was an exclusive commitment between you and your wife, then yes, it's a problem unless your wife agrees to change the deal. You made the agreement, and if she refuses to agree to change it you've got to stick with it or get out altogether.

On the other hand, if you both went in having no problem with an "open thing going on," more power to you!

It offends the sensabilities of good Christians, apperantly. And thats what the law is made to protect against, right?

I believe many Christians do have extra-marital lovers. What makes a good Christian is trading-off wives, rather than wedding them all at once.

2 women 1 man good

1 woman 2 men bad.
that is the law.

2 women 1 man good

1 woman 2 men bad.
that is the law.

What of 2 vs. 2?

What of 2 vs. 2?

as long as all parties agree never to get married it is not good but not bad.

as long as all parties agree never to get married it is not good but not bad.

Like 1 vs. 1?

What of 2 vs. 2?

nope.. I'm too possessive to want to share a woman with someone else. When I was younger I always wanted a harem, but so far I'm having trouble filling it out. The first one was easy enough, but its kinda difficult to snag anymore.

You know what the key is? getting together the local tribes and raiding the neighboring villages. That and being a king or some such. Times were so much simpler in the olden days.

1 woman 2 men bad.
that is the law.

Por que?

nope.. I'm too possessive to want to share a woman with someone else. When I was younger I always wanted a harem, but so far I'm having trouble filling it out. The first one was easy enough, but its kinda difficult to snag anymore.

You know what the key is? getting together the local tribes and raiding the neighboring villages. That and being a king or some such. Times were so much simpler in the olden days.

dont forget the eunuchs you got to have those to keep your harem safe.

dont forget the eunuchs you got to have those to keep your harem safe.

This is true. I'm against castration, but how else can I ensure the purity of the women I take capti.. er... I mean who love and adore me?

Por que?

Don't question the law!

of course its a problem. who has so much money that they can afford to have one person spend it on a girlfriend? it is completely out of the question for me.

of course its a problem. who has so much money that they can afford to have one person spend it on a girlfriend? it is completely out of the question for me.

Can not the "girlfriend" spend money?

Can not the "girlfriend" spend money?
no.

thats not how it works.

well, is this going with the assumption that the wife does not know about the mistress?

if no, then yes, I would think it's 'slimy.'

if yes, then no.

and why only women? what would you think if it was a married woman with a boyfriend?

In my OP I wrote that the assumption is that the man is being honest with the women. I guess I should have wrote, "the man let the wife know about the girlfriend and let the girlfriend know about the wife"

My parents are not Christian, they were not monogamous in their relationship, and they are liberal enough to support gay marriage, yet they both insist that it is "slimy" for a married man to have a girlfriend and that it is better for a husband to get a divorce from his wife so that they can both be his girlfriends.

On the one hand I just want to dismiss it as liberal hippy nonsense or some kind of feminist thing that I do not understand but I doubt it. Liberals seem to be pretty accepting of what people do in their bedrooms. I just do not get it.

were not monogamous in their relationship. . .yet they both insist that it is "slimy" for a married man to have a girlfriend and that it is better for a husband to get a divorce from his wife so that they can both be his girlfriends.

Wait, what the fuck?

On the one hand I just want to dismiss it as liberal hippy nonsense or some kind of feminist thing that I do not understand

Oh, I get it, you're trolling again.

If the wife and the gf know and do not object I see no problem. I in fact know several couples where both the husband and the wife have friends with benefits on the side - which sofar has been working well for them for years.

Wait, what the fuck?



Oh, I get it, you're trolling again.

I have never trolled and I take that as an insult. I grew up in a very liberal family and I hated it and vowed to never live like that again. Maybe I vent a little bit about the madness of some aspects of liberalism because I know what it is like to grow up in a family where people think like that. There is a difference between venting and trolling.

The thing is that my liberal parents are radical liberals yet still think it is bad for a man to have a wife and a girlfriend. I do not get it. Is this some sort of a feminist thing? I do not know. Instead of calling me a fricking troll maybe we could just discuss the issue without the insults ok? If you keep at this I will ask a mod to warn you to knock it off. I am sick of being called a troll on this forum. It is not cool.

In my OP I wrote that the assumption is that the man is being honest with the women. I guess I should have wrote, "the man let the wife know about the girlfriend and let the girlfriend know about the wife"

then, if she agrees... no.

if she doesn't agree to it and he still goes ahead... yes, he's slime.

If (1) neither half of the marriage minds and (2) neither minds the girl getting a boyfriend as well, the it's fine.

I think one should be enough.

I think one should be enough.

But if everyone involved is ok with him having two, who cares?

If (1) neither half of the marriage minds and (2) neither minds the girl getting a boyfriend as well, the it's fine.

Like me originally, you did not even think about the opinion of the gf.
Are there others who for some reason failed to consider her ? I am wondering why that slipped my mind...

But if everyone involved is ok with him having two, who cares?

Every freedom loving individual should care. In the Bible marriage is between two people, one man, one woman. Furthermore, none of the Founding Fathers ever argued that this sort of relationship is acceptable, and therefore the US Constitution (representing truth and justice in its purest textual form) can be regarded as implicitly opposing the practice. Since you are either with the United States, or with the terrorists, opposing the Constitution in this manner means you must be considered a terrorist and a menace to freedom.

I'm not surprised I have to explain such simple matters to a liberal.


Please, someone take this seriously

I have no idea why you guys were so hard on NM earlier. I, personally, find it morally despicable, regardless the circumstances, as adultery is still adultery no matter what, and it is a sin. However at the same time I refuse to condemn one to hell fire just for being an adulterer as that is not my place as we are all sinners and fall short; it is up to God, ultimately, to make the judgement call and I do not think he would condemn a couple to hell just because they had an "open relationship" during life. Thus what people do in their own home I neither care nor want to know.

I have no idea why you guys were so hard on NM earlier. I, personally, find it morally despicable, regardless the circumstances, as adultery is still adultery no matter what, and it is a sin. However at the same time I refuse to condemn one to hell fire just for being an adulterer as that is not my place as we are all sinners and fall short; it is up to God, ultimately, to make the judgement call and I do not think he would condemn a couple to hell just because they had an "open relationship" during life. Thus what people do in their own home I neither care nor want to know.

When I care what your religion calls a sin and what offends your prudish sensabilities, Ill let you know.

Im not just being hard on NM. Im hard on all moral crusaders who think they have a right to tell other people how to live their lives.

I am God.

I have no idea why you guys were so hard on NM earlier. I, personally, find it morally despicable, regardless the circumstances, as adultery is still adultery no matter what, and it is a sin. However at the same time I refuse to condemn one to hell fire just for being an adulterer as that is not my place as we are all sinners and fall short; it is up to God, ultimately, to make the judgement call and I do not think he would condemn a couple to hell just because they had an "open relationship" during life. Thus what people do in their own home I neither care nor want to know.

Indeed, regardless of whether its agreed amongst the partners, the Lord our God has joined the husband and wife into one flesh. Which means that if a partner has sex with someone else, the other partner effectively does so too, incurring the full sin on their behalf also. And since one partner has brought sin upon the other, thats doubly as bad. But since they're one flesh, the sin is doubled on the other partner's side too. And because that makes it doubly as bad, that in turn once again doubles the sin on the side of the partner who committed the sin in the first place.

Then again, of course when a husband and wife have sex, since they are one body its effectively masturbation. Which is itself sinful. But its ok, as long as its solely for the production of children and not enjoyed. Otherwise our merciful God will burn them in hell for eternity out of love.

DI, I do not take things that far! I sure hope you are being facetious!
KoL, you have the right to state your opinion; I hope you will respect the religiously conservative members' right to express theirs. I do not completely agree with NM, but I can understand his point of view.

KoL, you have the right to state your opinion; I hope you will respect the religiously conservative members' right to express theirs. I do not completely agree with NM, but I can understand his point of view.

I respect your opinion until you start telling other people how to start living their lives.


I dont care how you live your life. Extend that same courtesy to others.

DI, I do not take things that far! I sure hope you are being facetious!

But those are my beliefs. However ludicrous they are they should provide more guidance for lawmaking and how all other people live their lives. Otherwise you are oppressing my religion, as well as committing disgraceful heresies that surely condemn you to hellfire. Though I think God might have signed up to the Geneva Convention, so you might get just a mild toasting. Nevertheless you should repent.

When I care what your religion calls a sin and what offends your prudish sensabilities, Ill let you know.

Im not just being hard on NM. Im hard on all moral crusaders who think they have a right to tell other people how to live their lives.

Well they do have that right, don't they? It's just that you have the right to not care.

I am God.

:hail:

But those are my beliefs. However ludicrous they are they should provide more guidance for lawmaking and how all other people live their lives. Otherwise you are oppressing my religion, as well as committing disgraceful heresies that surely condemn you to hellfire. Though I think God might have signed up to the Geneva Convention, so you might get just a mild toasting. Nevertheless you should repent.

Okay, you do have the right to your opinion, we can agree to disagree.

KoL, uh I think it might soon be part of my job description to dispense such advice on at least a weekly basis, and on every holiday:D, lay people really shouldn't, unless they're your parents! I read up a lot in scripture, so I am familiar with the phrase "judge not lest thou shalt be judged". However, it is one thing to tell someone what they are doing is not in their best interests or that the action is sinful, but it is another thing to tell someone they are a horrible person who will go to hell just because they have an open relationship.

If all the parties involved are amiable to the situation, then what's the harm?

There's a limited degree of social harm, actually, resulting from a disequilibrium between the number of men, and available women, given how women select partners.

What if the man is saying to his wife "Let me have this relationship on the side or else I'll divorce you" ?

One woman... bad.

Two women... evil.

Trostia, I am not going to go there,lol :rolleyes:

...and three women at the same time...

One woman... bad.

Two women... evil.

...and three women at the same time...

But it's all better than Two Girls, One Cup.

But if everyone involved is ok with him having two, who cares?

My parents, inexplicably.

According to my parents, the idea of a married man having a girlfriend is disgusting. My mom called it "slimy".

So what does NSG think? Are married men with girlfriends a problem? Is anybody here such a man or married to or dating such a man?

Just to be clear, by "two women men" I am not referring to men who hide affairs from their wife or pretend that they are not married and try to pick up other women. I am referring to men who love their wives and at least care for their girlfriends and are honest with their women. I am also not referring to polygamy.

Not that it matters, but I always thought that my parents were rather liberal. They describe themselves as "tax and spend liberals" and even support gay marriage. I am so surprised to hear that they have a problem with consensual honest heterosexual relationships that happen to be a little outside of the norm.
Personally, I generally think that "two-women men" are selfish and pathetic. I've met plenty of them who have precisely the relationships you describe, where they claim that both of "their" women know the truth and are cool with it, and everybody is just content with this little arrangement.

Funny thing is, when you talk to the women you typically find out that both of them would prefer not to be in that situation. Sometimes the women would prefer to have a monogamous relationship but they realize that the man in question simply won't do it. Other times the women would like to enjoy the same freedom that the man is enjoying (i.e. the women want to be "two-man women"), but they know that their man will also not go for that.

If, in theory, there's a trio who are genuinely comfortable with that arrangement, then more power to em and have at it. I've simply never met such a group, and every time I meet a guy who claims to have such a set-up it usually is about 2 months before his wife serves him with papers.

Personally, I generally think that "two-women men" are selfish and pathetic. I've met plenty of them who have precisely the relationships you describe, where they claim that both of "their" women know the truth and are cool with it, and everybody is just content with this little arrangement.

Funny thing is, when you talk to the women you typically find out that both of them would prefer not to be in that situation. Sometimes the women would prefer to have a monogamous relationship but they realize that the man in question simply won't do it. Other times the women would like to enjoy the same freedom that the man is enjoying (i.e. the women want to be "two-man women"), but they know that their man will also not go for that.

If, in theory, there's a trio who are genuinely comfortable with that arrangement, then more power to em and have at it. I've simply never met such a group, and every time I meet a guy who claims to have such a set-up it usually is about 2 months before his wife serves him with papers.

I have been in that trio before (admittedly, not a MARRIED one), though, in fairness, it was only a trio because my primary partner hadn't, at the time, found anyone she wanted as a secondary partner. It would have been quite fine with me if she had.

I've got my doubts, pretty much the same as Bottle.
Mind you, I don't have a problem with a man having affairs as long as the wife knows and agrees. As long as no deeper emotions are involved, I'm fine with my BF having a fling or two.
I'm pretty sure though that I would mind if one of those flings turned into something deeper.

If, in theory, there's a trio who are genuinely comfortable with that arrangement, then more power to em and have at it. I've simply never met such a group, and every time I meet a guy who claims to have such a set-up it usually is about 2 months before his wife serves him with papers.

*ponders* I know a couple where the husband has a boyfriend on the side, and the wife is monogamous.. but indeed no trio as described in the OP. Anecdotal eveidence seems to suggest the relationships only work if both partners are "allowed" to have fun elsewhere.

I am God.
No, I'm Spartacus! Or God. Whatever.

According to my parents, the idea of a married man having a girlfriend is disgusting. My mom called it "slimy".

So what does NSG think? Are married men with girlfriends a problem? Is anybody here such a man or married to or dating such a man?

Just to be clear, by "two women men" I am not referring to men who hide affairs from their wife or pretend that they are not married and try to pick up other women. I am referring to men who love their wives and at least care for their girlfriends and are honest with their women. I am also not referring to polygamy.

Not that it matters, but I always thought that my parents were rather liberal. They describe themselves as "tax and spend liberals" and even support gay marriage. I am so surprised to hear that they have a problem with consensual honest heterosexual relationships that happen to be a little outside of the norm.

If its consensual then there is no problem, all is well.

Could I do that? NO

What if the man is saying to his wife "Let me have this relationship on the side or else I'll divorce you" ?

This is what I thought of. Maybe it's not presented as an ultimatum, but one partner may be "consenting" to the other partner's extramarital relationship because he or she feels that's the only way to keep the marriage, or given a choice between the partner's happiness and his or her own happiness, chooses to be giving instead of selfish.

I don't doubt that honestly consenting relationships like the OP exist, but I'd guess they're the exception. Nothing to do with Christian morals or what have you, just simple jealousy.

I've got my doubts, pretty much the same as Bottle.
Mind you, I don't have a problem with a man having affairs as long as the wife knows and agrees. As long as no deeper emotions are involved, I'm fine with my BF having a fling or two.
I'm pretty sure though that I would mind if one of those flings turned into something deeper.

I personally do not want a lot of affairs. I think that if I had more than a wife and a single committed girlfriend I would feel dirty and like a womanizer. I have always been a 2 woman man by inclination but I never wanted one night stands.