NationStates Jolt Archive

Old ladies with sauce pans can be considered armed and dangerous. In light of this, do you think Emeril should replace the pans, or should we institute a pan ban?

http://news.aol.com/article/woman-hits-thief-with-emeril-pan/361465

(damned ad)

the pan was taken as evidence. there was no mention of her being arrested or charged. my guess is there might be some DNA evidence on the pan itself to place one or more of the suspects at the home (for trial puposes).

this should be an argument for the returning popularity of cast iron pans!

btw... I like the photo below the article. thieves wearing thongs as facemasks!

That thief has no respect, damaging that lady's pan with his hard, hollow head. He should be jailed for life for pandalism

Well, I doubt he'll fry for this. Probably just some pothead looking for a ladle extra cash.

Pan Pwned!

You don't use a four quart saucepan to attack someone! You use a cast iron skillet, swing the edge at them. I guarantee they will not be getting back up.

This is awful! These pan-wielding are a danger to society's moral fiber, like gays and liberals! They should be banned and replaced with obedient, socially accepted women, who let their husband take care of such violent matters!

I think we should institute an Emeril ban.. BAM!

You don't use a four quart saucepan to attack someone! You use a cast iron skillet, swing the edge at them. I guarantee they will not be getting back up.

Let's remember we're talking about a 70 year old woman here..

Let's remember we're talking about a 70 year old woman here..

Clearly you've never met my grandmother.

I remember my dear ol' granddad telling stories of my grandmum swinging pans and rolling pins. Yes when armed they can be dangerous! :)

Well, I doubt he'll fry for this. Probably just some pothead looking for a ladle extra cash.

Eh, they'll marinate in jail for a while -- a bake-ation from their usual diet of crime and immorality will turn down the heat, although there's always the risk that once they return to society the anger will keep simmering underneath it all, just waiting to pour out in a rolling boil...... and so on, and so forth.

Obviously this sort of vigilantism can't be allowed to go out of control. Thus the only reasonable thing to do is to enact some common sense pan control laws.

-All purchases of pans must have a 10 day waiting period
-All pan purchasers must submit to a background check before being allowed to purchase crockery.
-All pans should be manufactured with a unique identifying pattern for identification.
-All crimes committed using a pan should carry a mandatory additional year to the sentence.
-No one under the age of 18 should be permitted to purchase or own a pan.
-The weight of the pan should be limited, as should the length of the handle and the material of construction.
-Foreign made pans should be subject to additional restrictions.
-Anyone wanting to carry a pan on their person must obtain a permit.
-Carrying a concealed pan should be unlawful.

I think with these reasonable, common sense pan control measures we'll all be safer!

Ban pans! We can't have people who don't own firearms defending themselves.

Obviously this sort of vigilantism can't be allowed to go out of control. Thus the only reasonable thing to do is to enact some common sense pan control laws.

-All purchases of pans must have a 10 day waiting period
-All pan purchasers must submit to a background check before being allowed to purchase crockery.
-All pans should be manufactured with a unique identifying pattern for identification.
-All crimes committed using a pan should carry a mandatory additional year to the sentence.
-No one under the age of 18 should be permitted to purchase or own a pan.
-The weight of the pan should be limited, as should the length of the handle and the material of construction.
-Foreign made pans should be subject to additional restrictions.
-Anyone wanting to carry a pan on their person must obtain a permit.
-Carrying a concealed pan should be unlawful.

I think with these reasonable, common sense pan control measures we'll all be safer!

I think we should also add -

Anyone under 18 can only use pans with adult supervision.
Pan training classes are mandatory before purchase.
All pans must be licensed.
No one can own more than 3 pans without waivers.

I think we should also add -

Anyone under 18 can only use pans with adult supervision.
Pan training classes are mandatory before purchase.
All pans must be licensed.
No one can own more than 3 pans without waivers.

Agreed. AND there should be a total ban on automatic pans.

Agreed. AND there should be a total ban on automatic pans.

Should there be restrictions on other kitchen items? For instance, I can see cutting boards being a big problem, especially the heavy wooden ones: also corkscrews, can openers, food processors, juicers, meat grinders and so on.

Should there be restrictions on other kitchen items? For instance, I can see cutting boards being a big problem, especially the heavy wooden ones: also corkscrews, can openers, food processors, juicers, meat grinders and so on.

Don't forget microwaves. Have you ever seen what one of those can do to a cat?

Don't forget microwaves. Have you ever seen what one of those can do to a cat?

You haven't seen what my cats have done to microwaves.

You haven't seen what my cats have done to microwaves.

Sounds like it's time for some cat control laws.