NationStates Jolt Archive

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2275504.ece?guzzle

A SEX-MAD Russian died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra pills to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two women pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov £3,000 that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy them both non-stop for the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack, revealed Moscow police.

One of the women, named only as Alina, said: “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do.”

Ladies and gentlemen, please pay your respects to this brave gentleman, trying to keep a threesome going for 12 hours straight. Unfortunately, he was not as good as some of us that are able to that. However, for his courage, perseverance, and earning 3,000 GBP in the process of performing a threesome, I offer my respects.

Salute!

A real hero

This is why these people won the Great Patriotic War. They know when casualties are worth it.

I say we erect a statue in his honour.

I say we erect a statue in his honour.

make sure it is very tall

Good-night, sweet prince; And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Wow two things come to mind. Industrial strength lubricant would be required. Second is at least he died in the saddle with a permanent grin that no undertaker could remove.

Just like John Henry, another man gave his life to pounding away for a good cause.

I say we should petition the Russian government to give this brave man a state funeral.

We should fly our flags at full mast.

He won the bet, he satisfied the women, he died a good death. And he died doing what he loved.

*Salutes*

Wow....his died for money that he will never get to use while now unable to ever have sex again because his dead. Now that unlucky!

Wow....his died for money that he will never get to use while now unable to ever have sex again because his dead. Now that unlucky!

...can you have the dequorum not to interrupt our jokes with your well-reasoned and well-thought facts? :p

Well, at least the people carrying the body had a handle that they could use....*runs away*

Well, at least the people carrying the body had a handle that they could use....*runs away*

*Chases. With a steak knife.*

*Looks at the mods*

>.>

<.<

HEY! IS THIS STEAK KNIFE YOURS??? *Keeps on chasing*

...can you have the dequorum not to interrupt our jokes with your well-reasoned and well-thought facts? :p

Oops!Sorry..bitter guy here, but moving right along.

*Trips Wilgrove for Heikoku 2* :p

"The Sun"?

Oops!Sorry..bitter guy here, but moving right along.

*Trips Wilgrove for Heikoku 2* :p

*Grabs Wilgrove, pins him to the ground*

*Looks at the mods*

>.>

<.<

Here is your steak knife.

I really hope this doesn't turn into a 21 Gun Salute... :eek:

Ironically, as soon as the Viagra wore off, he went rigid. :eek:

He deserves the Hero of the Russian Federation title xD

Oh god, the number of times I've moaned in this thread.

Much like his partners, I'm sure.

Shit, I wish women made bets like that with me.

Shit, I wish women made bets like that with me.

... but you'd be out 3,000 GBP then.

... but you'd be out 3,000 GBP then.

ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu

ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu

:D Sorry. Couldn't help it.

I shall see to it that this man has his due: Abyssius shall erect an obelisk, the likes of which have never been seen before, to this hero of all mankind.

I say we erect a statue in his honour.

You said, "erect".

I bet the two women had straddle sores and rug burns. I wonder if they also went to the ER.

My question: Can they close the casket?

My question: Can they close the casket?

They built a little bird house cupola on the lid.

They built a little bird house cupola on the lid.

What do we need to do to nominate him as a Saint? I'm pretty sure this qualifies, and I'm pretty sure when he showed up at the Gates of Heaven, God gave him a high-five, then they sat down to watch the highlight reel.

... but you'd be out 3,000 GBP then.
It'd be worth the 3 grand just for the attempt.

just as well he's dead. a 12 hour erection might well have ended with a necrotic penis.

What do we need to do to nominate him as a Saint? I'm pretty sure this qualifies, and I'm pretty sure when he showed up at the Gates of Heaven, God gave him a high-five, then they sat down to watch the highlight reel.

I think you need a miracle, and to get beatified or something...or am I thinking of the wrong Church?

I wonder what the Eastern Orthodox rules are...

Guy probably gets to sit at the cool table at lunch.

"Hey, welcome, have a seat...I'm Leonidas, this is Elvis, that's Hypatia, and that's Bernie Dinklethwat. Huh? Oh, he stopped a gang of five guys from raping a little girl in the park, so they beat him to death and stuck him in a mailbox. Didn't make the news. Beer?"

just as well he's dead. a 12 hour erection might well have ended with a necrotic penis.

No bro deserves that. Not even a Russian bro...death may be preferable.

No bro deserves that. Not even a Russian bro...death may be preferable.
its important to know what bets not to make. dont bet you can keep a 12 hour erection, dont bet that you can drink a quart of 151 proof, dont bet that you can jump from the balconey into the hotel pool.

*salutes*

*begins planning the most popular suicide cult of all times*

Oh, and lets keep an eye on this story to see if viagra can raise the dead.

I'd say that THIS particular way of saying goodbye to the world would be my choice, if I ever get sentenced to death.:hail:

Oh, and lets keep an eye on this story to see if viagra can raise the dead.

Not likely. Viagra makes stiffs. That's it's job. *nod*

Oh, and lets keep an eye on this story to see if viagra can raise the dead.

This would be an awesome H P Lovecraft Mythos story.

They built a little bird house cupola on the lid.
A bird house for the pecker, eh?

A bird house for the pecker, eh?

Its the night of the awful puns! First Risottia over in the racist thread, now you...

Actually, this whole thing reminds me of this awful story from an erotic horror anthology from years and years ago, where this woman goes around killing guys in such a way as to rigor mortis their wangs, then uses them until it goes away...

Its the night of the awful puns! First Risottia over in the racist thread, now you...

Actually, this whole thing reminds me of this awful story from an erotic horror anthology from years and years ago, where this woman goes around killing guys in such a way as to rigor mortis their wangs, then uses them until it goes away...

Why must you bring my sister up in every damn thread?

Why must you bring my sister up in every damn thread?

I'm obsessed with women who've rejected me. Its why I won't leave Poliwanacraca alone...or Nanatsu no Tsuki...Ardchoille...Katganistan... Ashmoria... that spam-bot that lasted 3 hours before getting deleted... Neo Art's girlfriend's mom's friend in the early stages of geriatric dementia...

I'm obsessed with women who've rejected me. Its why I won't leave Poliwanacraca alone...or Nanatsu no Tsuki...Ardchoille...Katganistan... Ashmoria... that spam-bot that lasted 3 hours before getting deleted... Neo Art's girlfriend's mom's friend in the early stages of geriatric dementia...

For the last time, when a woman tries to stab you in the genitals with an ice pick, it's not a sign that you're ever going to get with them again.

For the last time, when a woman tries to stab you in the genitals with an ice pick, it's not a sign that you're ever going to get with them again.

This should be in the Bible.

Its the night of the awful puns! First Risottia over in the racist thread, now you...

Actually, this whole thing reminds me of this awful story from an erotic horror anthology from years and years ago, where this woman goes around killing guys in such a way as to rigor mortis their wangs, then uses them until it goes away...
Wasn't aware of Risottia's Vegetaryans before you mentioned them. Nice one.

Yet, do you know how hard it is to come up with puns in a foreign language? I'm proud of every single one I can come up with. ;)

Your story just reminded me of the bathroom episode of "Clerks".

For the last time, when a woman tries to stab you in the genitals with an ice pick, it's not a sign that you're ever going to get with them again.

Psssh. If I followed that advice I'd never get laid.

This should be in the Bible.

This should be THE Bible.

This should be THE Bible.

Read that out loud, with the stress on "the".

Wasn't aware of Risottia's Vegetaryans before you mentioned them. Nice one.

Yet, do you know how hard it is to come up with puns in a foreign language? I'm proud of every single one I can come up with. ;)

Your story just reminded me of the bathroom episode of "Clerks".

I think I'm going to buy a copy of that movie. I haven't seen it in a long time, and it would be worth having.

This should be THE Bible.
"And lo, An Angel of Heaven did appear to Sergey Tuganov and saideth to him, "The Lord your God doth give you, Sergey, a test. You will meet two beautious women - Not one, not three, but two! - and they willst give you a challenge. Thine challenge is to placate their desires. From dawn unto dusk thy must satisfy them. Again and again and again."
And Sergey did shake in fear. "How can I do such a thing o Angel?", he did cry, "I am only one man!".
And the Angel of our Lord did take pity upon Sergey and he did give him a potent elixir and some strong herbs to aid him in his plight.
"Here is an elixir that will make you fearless, and some herbs to make your tail as long and strong as that of the cedar" The Angel did reply.
And Sergey did accept the gifts gratefully and did partake of the elixir and did eat the herbs. He then turned to the Angel of our Lord and he didth reply in the affirmative. "Angel of the Lord", Sergey did cry out, "I am ready for thy challenge! Bring on the wenches! wooo--hoooo!"
And Sergey did as the Angel of the Lord commanded him to. And great was his suffering, but greater still was his pleasure.
And the Lord our God did look down upon the orgy and thought it good."




as an aside, I just noticed his surname :Tuganov. He didn't need to Tug-it-off, as he obvioulsy had enough female company to do it for him

He won the bet, he satisfied the women, he died a good death. And he died doing what he loved.

*Salutes*
Based on the article, it would appear that he didn't satisfy anyone. He dropped dead shortly after making the bet. The funny thing is that if he hadn't gone and consumed a bottle of viagra right away, he might have stood a chance (there's more to satisfying women [and men] than intercourse).

Based on the article, it would appear that he didn't satisfy anyone. He dropped dead shortly after making the bet. The funny thing is that if he hadn't gone and consumed a bottle of viagra right away, he might have stood a chance (there's more to satisfying women [and men] than intercourse).

Read it again.

But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack, revealed Moscow police.

Must have been a Stalin's orgy.

Read it again.

Ah... failure is me. :S

Its the night of the awful puns! First Risottia over in the racist thread, now you...

Actually, this whole thing reminds me of this awful story from an erotic horror anthology from years and years ago, where this woman goes around killing guys in such a way as to rigor mortis their wangs, then uses them until it goes away...

Amm, there's also a passage in The Naked Lunch where the guy jumps off a platform with a noose around his neck and the girl jumps with him, idea being that death by hanging causes an immediate erection and it's the best fuck ever.

It was pretty disturbing.

I just found out how I want to go.

death by snu snu

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2275504.ece?guzzle



Ladies and gentlemen, please pay your respects to this brave gentleman, trying to keep a threesome going for 12 hours straight. Unfortunately, he was not as good as some of us that are able to that. However, for his courage, perseverance, and earning 3,000 GBP in the process of performing a threesome, I offer my respects.

Salute!

Can someone get this man a statue?

Wow two things come to mind. Industrial strength lubricant would be required. Second is at least he died in the saddle with a permanent grin that no undertaker could remove.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7vOPPXkqm4

I think I'm going to buy a copy of that movie. I haven't seen it in a long time, and it would be worth having.
Definitely worth it! There's the Clerks X edition on 3 DVDs, 10 years of Clerks, with lots of bonus stuff.

I'm still trying to get my hands on the animated series. It's only 6 episodes, but hey, it's Clerks nonetheless.

He's probably up there, right now, looking down at us...possibly sodomizing a seraphim.

*Grabs Wilgrove, pins him to the ground*

*Looks at the mods*

>.>

<.<

Here is your steak knife.Heikoku, I told you to give it to that man in the back!!! not... er... nevermind...

Ironically, as soon as the Viagra wore off, he went rigid. :eek:but was the stiffy still stiff

For the last time, when a woman tries to stab you in the genitals with an ice pick, it's not a sign that you're ever going to get with them again.
should I be laughing at the fact that all those women MISSED!!!

re: the article. A noble effort that should be imortalized!

Time to rededicate the Washington Monument.

Definitely worth it! There's the Clerks X edition on 3 DVDs, 10 years of Clerks, with lots of bonus stuff.

I'm still trying to get my hands on the animated series. It's only 6 episodes, but hey, it's Clerks nonetheless.

Adult Swim has been showing it a little.

Adult Swim has been showing it a little.
Good for anyone who can receive the channel. I'm in Germany...

Time to rededicate the Washington Monument.

Unless you go on to cure cancer and kill bin Laden with your bare hands, this may be the most awesome moment in your life

NSG keeps getting weirder and weirder. :eek:

And yet it remains the same. O_O

Good for anyone who can receive the channel. I'm in Germany...

I think you can get some webisodes online.

How are the animated shows in Germany?

And yet it remains the same. O_O

You're right. O.O

You're right. O.O

So am I!

>.>

What? I'm an insecure egomaniac, alright?

So am I!

>.>

What? I'm an insecure egomaniac, alright?

I thought we made it clear that you're an awesome person? :p

So am I!

>.>

What? I'm an insecure egomaniac, alright?

Hai, anata wa desu. *nods and hugs*
Demo... asi me gustas. Genuino.:wink:

Hai, anata wa desu. *nods and hugs*
Demo... asi me gustas. Genuino.:wink:

Si mas personas lo conozcessen (sp), yo hablaria de mi mismo como el Mayuri Kurotsuchi del fórum. :p

Si mas personas lo conozcessen (sp), yo hablaria de mi mismo como el Mayuri Kurotsuchi del fórum. :p

Jope macho, y porque no lo haces? No es como que yo me voy a oponer. Vamos, no te pongas en plan borde y a actuar! El espectaculo es tuyo!!!:D

Jope macho, y porque no lo haces? No es como que yo me voy a oponer. Vamos, no te pongas en plan borde y a actuar! El espectaculo es tuyo!!!:D

The elf knew he should have paid more attention in Spanish class.

Jope macho, y porque no lo haces? No es como que yo me voy a oponer. Vamos, no te pongas en plan borde y a actuar! El espectaculo es tuyo!!!:D

No lo hago porque no sería prudente. Pero el facto és que probablemente soy visto como el "psicopata, pero en nuestro equipo" del forum por muchos. :D

The elf knew he should have paid more attention in Spanish class.

Translated, I said that if more people knew him I'd refer to myself as the Mayuri Kurotsuchi of the forum. Nanatsu told me to do so and I said it'd not be prudent, but I'm pretty sure many see me as the "psycho, but on our team" guy.

No lo hago porque no sería prudente. Pero el facto és que probablemente soy visto como el "psicopata, pero en nuestro equipo" del forum por muchos. :D

Ay no. Sicopata tu? Que va. Si de todos los locos, tu eres el menos. Claro, no se puede negar que estas turuleco, pero vamos, yo no ando muy cuerda.

Ay no. Sicopata tu? Que va. Si de todos los locos, tu eres el menos. Claro, no se puede negar que estas turuleco, pero vamos, yo no ando muy cuerda.

Bién, en el sentido de "ataco los oponentes con cierto sadismo"...

Bién, en el sentido de "ataco los oponentes con cierto sadismo"...

Un sadismo admirable. A ver si me ayudas a desarrollar el mio, no? :D

Un sadismo admirable. A ver si me ayudas a desarrollar el mio, no? :D

Me gusta tener fangirls. :D

Me gusta tener fangirls. :D

Joder, de esas chavalas que gritan hasta la asfixia. Como las que asisten a un concierto de Enrique Iglesias y tal. Macho, y con lo malo que canta el tio.:tongue:

I say we erect a statue in his honour.

He already erected something in his own honor.

Why did he need viagra though?

He already erected something in his own honor.

Why did he need viagra though?

You can keep it up for 12 hours straight without the help of viagra?

You can keep it up for 12 hours straight without the help of viagra?

I'm 25.


To be serious, I don't need viagra to keep two women 'entertained' in between erections.

To be serious, I don't need viagra to keep two women 'entertained' in between erections.

For 12 hours? I highly doubt that.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2275504.ece?guzzle



Ladies and gentlemen, please pay your respects to this brave gentleman, trying to keep a threesome going for 12 hours straight. Unfortunately, he was not as good as some of us that are able to that. However, for his courage, perseverance, and earning 3,000 GBP in the process of performing a threesome, I offer my respects.

Salute!

I salute the man, and may he have smokin' hot sex with women deceased in a similar manner in heaven.

For 12 hours? I highly doubt that.

I'm not saying 12 hour erection, thats not very healthy among a million other reasoons. But I can pet and play for a very very long time; with a little creative thought you could come up with a whole venue of things to do; and remember its a threesome so not all the work falls on you. If they aren't involved with each other its not a threesom its two bored women waiting to get screwed and thats not very stimulating to me probably let alone them.

The point is I don't see why he needed viagra, he must not have been very original or was the bet that he would keep the erection that whole time? The article is not specific on that at all.

A real hero

Any man who needs viagra to keep a threesome going for 12 hours is a whimp. ...nods

Any man who needs viagra to keep a threesome going for 12 hours is a whimp. ...nods

"Wimp".

>.>

<.<

*Hungs head in shame for this post*