NationStates Jolt Archive

What is your opinion on long distance relationships?

Does it ever work?

*runs and hides under her rock*

*runs and hides under her rock*

Thank you for that direct answer.

Sometimes. I've been involved in a close one since 2001. We travel back and forth to see each other at least once a month, usually more.

They can be frustrating, but they're worth it for the right person.

My impression on the matter (I doubt there are any statistics on how long these relationships last, so this is all I can give) is that they can work, but that its difficult, and usually it won't last long.

What is your opinion on long distance relationships?

Does it ever work?

It depends how long your penis is. *nod*

If you guys are open, then it's the best. "When we are together we are together, when we are seperate we do what we want."

It depends how long your penis is. *nod*
They don't call him "Mr. Fantastic" for nothing! :D

They have potential thanks to the internet. Unfortunately, most of them fall apart because the two (or more) people in question can't handle it.

you shouldnt start a long distance relationship. its not worth it.

if you HAVE a relationship already and its a good one but you need to be seperate for a while, that can work. it wont be easy.

The Skype program saves long distance relationships *nod*. Definitely ups the survivability of such a relationship.

What is your opinion on long distance relationships?

Does it ever work?
I think it can work with the right person.
When I first started dating my (now) husband, he was in the army and was posted 600kms away after about 3mths of us going out. We talked on the phone a lot, but I can't say it was easy. ;)

They can be frustrating, but they're worth it for the right person.

Agreed. Me and my wife started out in a long-distance relationship, me in Texas, her in New York. Contrary to popular opinion, long-distance and/or internet relationships CAN work out. It all depends on the people involved.

I've been in two, one turned out to be horrible and I think the distance played a factor in it. Not only did it stress the relationship, it also really prevented me from realizing what a mistake this particular relationship was and getting the hell out of Dodge.

For the second one, she and I were separated by the Pacific Ocean (I was in Japan and she was in the US) for two and a half years. It wasn't easy, it drove us both nuts, especially as we had together time for about a month and a half out of the year, but said lady is now my wife and the mother of my son, so, yeah, it all worked out. :D

It depends how long your penis is. *nod*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. guess that means a long-distance relation ship would be a massive fail for me!:rolleyes:

They can be frustrating, but they're worth it for the right person.

*deep breath in*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


*chokes*
;)



I think that long distance relationships can be both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it makes the times together more important and allows each person some level of independence. Curse because it takes much more trust and commitment to each other.

That said, I'm not minding it right now, nor do I think I will.

Long distance relationships require a certain amount of maturity and stability on the parts of both involved. If you're able to be mature and accept the way things are for the moment and are willing to wait to make things really work, they can be quite good.

If not...

*deep breath in*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW


*chokes*
;)


Oh shut up. :p

Oh shut up. :p

muahahahahaha


Don't worry. I'm at least twice as pathetic.

muahahahahaha


Don't worry. I'm at least twice as pathetic.

Are you in love with Neo Art too? :)

Had one once... Wouldn't have been bad, except she needed to constantly be on the phone with me, ok, no huge deal right? But she was also extremely extremely jealous. Gave a coworker a ride home after work one night, on streets I didn't know real well, and after I dropped said coworker off, it was "Took you longer to drive to her house than to drive back." or, how she was jealous of a female friend of mine, who had recently given birth to my best friend's kid (they were still together).

That was ridiculous, finally she broke up with me, and wanted to get back together two days later but I told her that her jealousy was ridiculous, and that if I really wanted to screw around she was hours away, and I could make up any excuse and she would never know/be able to do anything about it, and her continued jealousy made the relationship unbearable.

With the right couple though, sure.

Are you in love with Neo Art too? :)

Head over heels. I love me a boy who moisturizes.

With the right people it could work.

no. not for me. I mean if you only talk thru the computer or phone then when I write :fluffle: emoticon I am cheating on him with all of NSG.

I'm sort of in one... the distance aspect is not really a plus at the moment. Which is leaving me contemplating a career change... I just don't know if this is something I'm ready for (or if it's a good idea).

*sigh*

I'm sort of in one... the distance aspect is not really a plus at the moment. Which is leaving me contemplating a career change... I just don't know if this is something I'm ready for (or if it's a good idea).

*sigh*

You're young, do it, plenty of time to make amends if it turns out a mistake,

Be positive.

It's working just fine...as long as it stays temporary. We see each other about once a month, shag until we can't shag anymore...then shag some more...then off to heal. It will have been a year by the time I finally move there, but it will also be completely worth it.

Nightly phone calls help, as do the odd 'date' where we geek out and watch a movie at the same time over the phone :D

You're young, do it, plenty of time to make amends if it turns out a mistake,

Be positive.

Well, part of the problem is that I feel like he's in a better position to move here than I am to move there since he's living somewhere with a job market that's never very good and I'm at least living somewhere where it isn't so bad usually, so he'd have a better chance at getting a decent job than I would. And really, moving is a lot of commitment on my part (if only because moving out there would cost a lot, not to mention that I'd be quitting my current [decent] job to do so) and he hasn't given me any sort of commitment on his part. So I could very well go there and things don't work out and I'm screwed, not that I think this is super likely, but it's not like we lived together when he was here (well, I was always at his place, but it's not quite the same). And well, he's the one having the major problems with distance.

But then I'm also not so sure if I want to be in grad school until I'm almost 30 and then running around with post doc positions until my mid-30s and then finally being able to settle down... (which I guess is part of the problem... it would be at least 4 years of long distance and then whatever amount of time after that).

Well, part of the problem is that I feel like he's in a better position to move here than I am to move there since he's living somewhere with a job market that's never very good and I'm at least living somewhere where it isn't so bad usually, so he'd have a better chance at getting a decent job than I would. And really, moving is a lot of commitment on my part (if only because moving out there would cost a lot, not to mention that I'd be quitting my current [decent] job to do so) and he hasn't given me any sort of commitment on his part. So I could very well go there and things don't work out and I'm screwed, not that I think this is super likely, but it's not like we lived together when he was here (well, I was always at his place, but it's not quite the same). And well, he's the one having the major problems with distance.

But then I'm also not so sure if I want to be in grad school until I'm almost 30 and then running around with post doc positions until my mid-30s and then finally being able to settle down... (which I guess is part of the problem... it would be at least 4 years of long distance and then whatever amount of time after that).

Ah, I thought it was only a job move rather than quitting grad school.

If you're going on the promise of commitment, I wouldn't, but that's just me and my own personal experience, I'm currently single due to my ex moving here for me and the relationship subsequently broke down because 'I was not doing enough for the relationship'.

I resented having to be extra committed, she resented moving and brought it up each time we had a dispute, we could be arguing about which restaurant to go to and it would devolve into the issue over moving.

You know yourself, would you expect more from him due to the move?

If so, you could be heading into trouble, he might always feel guilty that you moved for him and that guilt can turn to resentment.

I stress that this is my own experience only, not the be all and end all of advice.

Well, part of the problem is that I feel like he's in a better position to move here than I am to move there since he's living somewhere with a job market that's never very good and I'm at least living somewhere where it isn't so bad usually, so he'd have a better chance at getting a decent job than I would. And really, moving is a lot of commitment on my part (if only because moving out there would cost a lot, not to mention that I'd be quitting my current [decent] job to do so) and he hasn't given me any sort of commitment on his part. So I could very well go there and things don't work out and I'm screwed, not that I think this is super likely, but it's not like we lived together when he was here (well, I was always at his place, but it's not quite the same). And well, he's the one having the major problems with distance.

But then I'm also not so sure if I want to be in grad school until I'm almost 30 and then running around with post doc positions until my mid-30s and then finally being able to settle down... (which I guess is part of the problem... it would be at least 4 years of long distance and then whatever amount of time after that).

If you are in grad school he should move, end of story.

Ah, I thought it was only a job move rather than quitting grad school.

If you're going on the promise of commitment, I wouldn't, but that's just me and my own personal experience, I'm currently single due to my ex moving here for me and the relationship subsequently broke down because 'I was not doing enough for the relationship'.

I resented having to be extra committed, she resented moving and brought it up each time we had a dispute, we could be arguing about which restaurant to go to and it would devolve into the issue over moving.

You know yourself, would you expect more from him due to the move?

If so, you could be heading into trouble, he might always feel guilty that you moved for him and that guilt can turn to resentment.

I stress that this is my own experience only, not the be all and end all of advice.

I'm not sure what I'd expect exactly. I'm worried that he would just run off with his friends all the time and ignore me once the novelty of me being there would wear off. I mean, the sorts of jobs I'm likely to find would probably not give me coworkers I'd have a lot in common with and this is the town he grew up in, he has friends that he's known forever. He's mentioned wanting to start up a store and suggested that I could work there (in a running the place sort of way) but I don't know if this is really thought through or actually likely to materialize or anything like this.

I dunno. I mostly have a problem with the fact that he moved away from me in the first place and he's having more problems with the distance than I am and yet I'm supposed to be the one to move to where he is.

It's not like if I moved, I'd be doing it anytime soon, but I'm not sure if it's an amazing idea in general. There are a lot of issues that I do have that he hasn't adequately addressed... but I'm just generally not sure what I want.

I'm not sure what I'd expect exactly. I'm worried that he would just run off with his friends all the time and ignore me once the novelty of me being there would wear off. I mean, the sorts of jobs I'm likely to find would probably not give me coworkers I'd have a lot in common with and this is the town he grew up in, he has friends that he's known forever. He's mentioned wanting to start up a store and suggested that I could work there (in a running the place sort of way) but I don't know if this is really thought through or actually likely to materialize or anything like this.

I dunno. I mostly have a problem with the fact that he moved away from me in the first place and he's having more problems with the distance than I am and yet I'm supposed to be the one to move to where he is.

It's not like if I moved, I'd be doing it anytime soon, but I'm not sure if it's an amazing idea in general. There are a lot of issues that I do have that he hasn't adequately addressed... but I'm just generally not sure what I want.

In fairness to my ex, I ultimately blame myself, I did not consider her doubts and fears enough, I didn't take the time to make her feel comfortable in her decision, I'd thought it was easy, just move, we'll work it out, but it left that lingering resentment and it was an argument I couldn't counter - I moved for you - and subsequently I felt guilty and that turned into defense and so on...

You're young, smart [aren't you studying space physics or something] and seemingly very personable, you can afford to make mistakes much as you can afford to drop someone when it's just not right.

I truly sympathise, it's a predicament.

I was going to advise you to ask him to write a serious letter outlining how he thinks it will work, what your future is but I'm not sure that's good advice either. It may be useful simply to see if he's bothered to write it out, as in the important thing is that he does it, puts some thought into it, you can then burn the letter as a sign that this is what was important, not the plans he actually wrote, since those change and no one should be held to exact plans.

Despite, possibly due to, the fact that I've gone through this, I don't know of a right way to do it, we're all different.

In fairness to my ex, I ultimately blame myself, I did not consider her doubts and fears enough, I didn't take the time to make her feel comfortable in her decision, I'd thought it was easy, just move, we'll work it out, but it left that lingering resentment and it was an argument I couldn't counter - I moved for you - and subsequently I felt guilty and that turned into defense and so on...

Yes, that's the sort of thing I would not want to happen.

You're young, smart [aren't you studying space physics or something] and seemingly very personable, you can afford to make mistakes much as you can afford to drop someone when it's just not right.

I'm not sure if I can afford to make many mistakes. Apparently academia is really competitive and I'm not sure how easy it would be to get back into it if I left (I'm studying astronomy).

I truly sympathise, it's a predicament.

I was going to advise you to ask him to write a serious letter outlining how he thinks it will work, what your future is but I'm not sure that's good advice either. It may be useful simply to see if he's bothered to write it out, as in the important thing is that he does it, puts some thought into it, you can then burn the letter as a sign that this is what was important, not the plans he actually wrote, since those change and no one should be held to exact plans.

Well, I wrote him a stupidly long email outlining how I see things on Friday. He hasn't responded to it yet (though we've spoken since, not about this though), I'm inclined to assume (for now) that this is probably related to it not really being an easy thing to just write up a response to (it took me a day of thinking and rewriting and I sort of dropped it on him) so he hasn't had the opportunity to sit with it yet. I've been thinking of a way to get to work remotely for the summer so I can see how things go (and well, some things are best discussed in person) before doing anything radical.

I think that the only way to make it workable is if you've already had a well-functioning relationship with that person for some time, and the time you're spending apart is well-defined rather than indefinite.

What is your opinion on long distance relationships?

Does it ever work?

Been there, done that, works, but not indefinitely.

I think that the only way to make it workable is if you've already had a well-functioning relationship with that person for some time, and the time you're spending apart is well-defined rather than indefinite.

Not true.
I met my BF online, and we only saw each other after about 4 months.
After that, we met up the odd weekend.
You can start a relationship long-distance, although you are right in saying that you need to work towards living together at some point in order to make it work.

I've been in two, one turned out to be horrible and I think the distance played a factor in it. Not only did it stress the relationship, it also really prevented me from realizing what a mistake this particular relationship was and getting the hell out of Dodge.

This.^

When I was younger, I had two long-distance trans-Atlantic relationships. The first died a natural death. The second became much more complicated, largely for the reasons stated by NERVUN.

More specifically, a lack of time spent together obscured our incompatibility and led us to over-emphasise the memory of the happy initial period that most relationships go through. We made it through two years of seeing each intermittently, only twice in the last year, and stuck it out because we didn't know better, and weren't spending enough time together to realise how wrong we were for each other. We even announced our engagement at the end of the first year because, well, that's what people our age who'd been together that long did, right? When the end came, it was very messy and unpleasant for everyone.

That's not to say that long-distance relationships can't work for the right people in the right circumstances - I just happened to live through the wrong people in the wrong circumstances. Both of us were too young, immature, and naive to make it work.

You can start a relationship long-distance...
Don't say that. I need this hypothesis of mine to rationalise the pain away. :(

I have been in several long distance relationships in the past.
They always ended badly. However after many years of having sworn off long distance relationships I find myself in one again.
the distance is great. And things have been made worse by the US government being a douche and turning down her student Visa.
lots of issues with us. I know Korean well and she speak English perfectly (given with a Californian accent). It didn't start out long of course, it was a short distance relationship when she here as an exchange student(well high school but she was a senior). there is a 10 year age difference, so I wonder if my attachment for her is because she is young, and I wonder if her attachment for me is because i am her first.

There are just so many quirks about her I love. She yells at me, she tells me whats on her mind, chases me around the room for various reasons. that passion and that anger I love that in a girl. She doesn't let anything build up she lets it out all at once.

I know in the long run i am most likely setting myself up for disappointment. But right now i feel what else can I do?


*edit in addition because above we me rambling*
Distance is an issue always has been always will. However in a relationship there are countless issues. And no issue is insurmountable as long as you love each other and communicate openly and equitably.

What is your opinion on long distance relationships?

Does it ever work?
Worked for me and my partner.

We were together for two years, then did two years of long-distance (him in LA, me in DC), then moved in together, been together for going on another four years since.

I'm sort of in one... the distance aspect is not really a plus at the moment. Which is leaving me contemplating a career change... I just don't know if this is something I'm ready for (or if it's a good idea).

*sigh*

$0.02:

Do NOT give up your education or your career for a romantic relationship.

If you don't like your job, or decide you don't want to finish grad school for your own reasons, then that's 100% cool. My partner ended up leaving with his Master's instead of staying for a PhD because he realized he just didn't want to continue on that path. No shame in it.

But leaving grad school just to be with your boyfriend, or abandoning your career just to move near him, is a terrible idea. If he'd ask you to do either of those things then he's not somebody you should continue dating, let alone somebody you should move to be closer to.

$0.02:

Do NOT give up your education or your career for a romantic relationship.

If you don't like your job, or decide you don't want to finish grad school for your own reasons, then that's 100% cool. My partner ended up leaving with his Master's instead of staying for a PhD because he realized he just didn't want to continue on that path. No shame in it.

But leaving grad school just to be with your boyfriend, or abandoning your career just to move near him, is a terrible idea. If he'd ask you to do either of those things then he's not somebody you should continue dating, let alone somebody you should move to be closer to.

You can only say that 'on average', not to a specific case, as much as I'd also hesitate to tell someone to give up their education, the pursuit of happiness runs along many paths.

You can only say that 'on average', not to a specific case, as much as I'd also hesitate to tell someone to give up their education, the pursuit of happiness runs along many paths.
Personally, I say it across the board. I believe that giving up your career or education purely for the sake of a romantic relationship is a bad idea. It is possible that it might work out okay in the end, but that doesn't mean it's a good decision in the first place. I mean, my friend got hit by a car and ended up meeting his wife in the hospital and now they're very happy, but I still feel quite comfortable saying that it is a bad idea to choose to be run over.

You can only say that 'on average', not to a specific case, as much as I'd also hesitate to tell someone to give up their education, the pursuit of happiness runs along many paths.

True... but there is such a thing as patience.
I didn't throw down everything the moment I met my BF, but stayed in my job and in my place for almost 2 years after that.
I'm not saying stay put no matter what, but consider all options. And if the most prudent option is to stay in the long-distance relationship for another year or two, until you've got all the qualifications you wanted, for example, then stay put. It's not nice, but if everything goes well, you'll have a long time together ahead anyway.

Personally, I say it across the board. I believe that giving up your career or education purely for the sake of a romantic relationship is a bad idea.

I don't disagree, I'm just..., I just find that relationships are where emotions and logic intersect the most and I've come to realise that my opinions don't necessarily inform on other people's, I can share my own experiences but it doesn't necessarily relate to other people.

It could be that everything works out great, it could be that it's a disaster, ultimately both are merely experiences we collect.

Ultimately, we know in our own hearts the best decision, we can be swayed by the immediate emotion, I suppose, objectively, the best advice is to not give up one's education but, in the end, it's really case by case.

EDIT: Going against my unwillingness to use my own experience, as much as my ex and I broke up, as much as she'd thought she'd given up so much, she actually has a better job and, after some distraught, is really enjoying her life now, one cannot predict an outcome.

True... but there is such a thing as patience.
I didn't throw down everything the moment I met my BF, but stayed in my job and in my place for almost 2 years after that.
I'm not saying stay put no matter what, but consider all options. And if the most prudent option is to stay in the long-distance relationship for another year or two, until you've got all the qualifications you wanted, for example, then stay put. It's not nice, but if everything goes well, you'll have a long time together ahead anyway.

Again, I agree 'on average', probably even 'in the main', I suppose the advice we choose to follow is the advice we wanted all along.

But leaving grad school just to be with your boyfriend, or abandoning your career just to move near him, is a terrible idea. If he'd ask you to do either of those things then he's not somebody you should continue dating, let alone somebody you should move to be closer to.

Well, he has stated that he couldn't ask me to do this, but he's also mentioned that he doesn't think we'll make it until I'm done.

And generally, yes, I agree with you... but it's hard.

True... but there is such a thing as patience.
I didn't throw down everything the moment I met my BF, but stayed in my job and in my place for almost 2 years after that.
I'm not saying stay put no matter what, but consider all options. And if the most prudent option is to stay in the long-distance relationship for another year or two, until you've got all the qualifications you wanted, for example, then stay put. It's not nice, but if everything goes well, you'll have a long time together ahead anyway.

Seconded.

Being on opposite sides of the country for two years sucked at the time, but it actually has been really good for both me and my partner. It confirmed for both of us that yes, we really DO want to be in a relationship with each other very much, but also that we are quite capable of being apart and building our own lives independently. It gave us both a lot of security, in a weird way, because we know that neither of us "needs" the other.

It also got rid of a lot of the HURRY UP HURRY UP feeling around our relationship. We were just out of college and a bunch of our friends were doing the immediate move-in-get-married shit.

Well, we spent two years apart, we didn't get married, and we're still together. The relationship is just fine. Sometimes there's a false sense of urgency about these things, like if you don't live together RIGHT NOW or get married RIGHT NOW then it's some massive crisis.

Well, he has stated that he couldn't ask me to do this, but he's also mentioned that he doesn't think we'll make it until I'm done.

Then the ball is in his court, really.

If he doesn't think you guys can make it until you're done in grad school, but he also HONESTLY can't ask you to move, then he gets to decide whether he will move or you two will break up.

The thing is, though, it sounds like he's saying "Oh, I couldn't possibly ask you to do that," while simultaneously trying to guilt you into doing precisely that.


And generally, yes, I agree with you... but it's hard.
I don't want to come off as being totally unsympathetic to this, either. It's easy to tell somebody, "Oh just break up already," but, as the song goes, breaking up is hard to do.

I'm sure you wouldn't have started dating him in the first place if he wasn't a cool person who made you happy. Losing that would suck.

Well, he has stated that he couldn't ask me to do this, but he's also mentioned that he doesn't think we'll make it until I'm done.

And generally, yes, I agree with you... but it's hard.

just go with he flow. but don't be surprised if one day he has someone else.
sounds like your setting yourself up for a slap in the face.

Then the ball is in his court, really.

If he doesn't think you guys can make it until you're done in grad school, but he also HONESTLY can't ask you to move, then he gets to decide whether he will move or you two will break up.

The thing is, though, it sounds like he's saying "Oh, I couldn't possibly ask you to do that," while simultaneously trying to guilt you into doing precisely that.

Or maybe he's just being...you know...honest?

Generally not worth the trouble, but if you can make them work, you have my respect. Mine didn't work out:(

Or maybe he's just being...you know...honest?
The two are not mutually exclusive.

It's perfectly reasonable for him to not want to move and also to want to be together with his girlfriend. It sounds like he's also aware that it would be a bad idea to ask her to move to be with him. So he doesn't ask directly, but his feelings don't go away. It's inevitable that they're going to bleed through and result in this kind of guilting, whether or not he's doing it consciously or on purpose.

At the end of the day, though, being honest will require that he confront the logical consequences of what he's saying.

1) Our relationship can't survive with us being apart for the entire length of your time in grad school.
2) I can't ask you to give up grad school just to move to live with me in an area where you most likely won't be able to pursue your chosen career.

Therefore, I can either resign myself to the relationship being over, or I can choose to move myself to be with you.

#1 and #2 are what HE is saying, after all, so I don't think it's asking too much to have him look at those two items reasonably.

Seconded.

Being on opposite sides of the country for two years sucked at the time, but it actually has been really good for both me and my partner. It confirmed for both of us that yes, we really DO want to be in a relationship with each other very much, but also that we are quite capable of being apart and building our own lives independently. It gave us both a lot of security, in a weird way, because we know that neither of us "needs" the other.

It also got rid of a lot of the HURRY UP HURRY UP feeling around our relationship. We were just out of college and a bunch of our friends were doing the immediate move-in-get-married shit.

Well, we spent two years apart, we didn't get married, and we're still together. The relationship is just fine. Sometimes there's a false sense of urgency about these things, like if you don't live together RIGHT NOW or get married RIGHT NOW then it's some massive crisis.

Hmm, I find long distance very hard, I'm not great on the phone, I don't write my emotions clearly, it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is bad, just that I require proximity to express myself. I can switch off where distance is prolonged, and that's possibly a self-protection mechanism.

That's just me, and I don't expect anyone to accommodate that, but I've had relationships where we've been in agreement, that distance is too hard.

It's in no way jealousy, if anything I've been criticised for not showing jealousy, as though that means I don't care.

Again, one's own experiences, based on who one is, doesn't necessarily inform on all relationships but I cannot judge other relationships anymore, I understand that we're all quite different in personality.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

It's perfectly reasonable for him to not want to move and also to want to be together with his girlfriend. It sounds like he's also aware that it would be a bad idea to ask her to move to be with him. So he doesn't ask directly, but his feelings don't go away. It's inevitable that they're going to bleed through and result in this kind of guilting, whether or not he's doing it consciously or on purpose.

At the end of the day, though, being honest will require that he confront the logical consequences of what he's saying.

1) Our relationship can't survive with us being apart for the entire length of your time in grad school.
2) I can't ask you to give up grad school just to move to live with me in an area where you most likely won't be able to pursue your chosen career.

Therefore, I can either resign myself to the relationship being over, or I can choose to move myself to be with you.

#1 and #2 are what HE is saying, after all, so I don't think it's asking too much to have him look at those two items reasonably.

On the other hand just because you see, and recognize that something will end eventually doesn't mean you can't enjoy the time you have, and not want it to end any sooner than it has to.

Indeed, if that weren't the case, there'd be no reason not for me to put rat poison in my coffee this morning. I'm aware of the fact that my life will end eventually. But as it stands I'm quite fond of living and am in no hurry to shuffle off this mortal coil anytime soon.

Hmm, I find long distance very hard, I'm not great on the phone,

I'm totally phone-phobic. It's weird. I hate using the phone, hate returning calls even to people who I WANT to talk with, and would rather spend an hour searching for something on the web instead of calling an easy help-line for a simple answer.

Yes, this definitely did present problems when Himself and I were apart. :P


I don't write my emotions clearly, it doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is bad, just that I require proximity to express myself. I can switch off where distance is prolonged, and that's possibly a self-protection mechanism.

That's just me, and I don't expect anyone to accommodate that, but I've had relationships where we've been in agreement, that distance is too hard.

It's in no way jealousy, if anything I've been criticised for not showing jealousy, as though that means I don't care.

Again, one's own experiences, based on who one is, doesn't necessarily inform on all relationships but I cannot judge other relationships anymore, I understand that we're all quite different in personality.
All true, and I'm certainly not saying a long-distance relationship will work for everyone. I'm just saying that it's worth giving it a shot, and it really doesn't have to be the end of the world. Also, if you find out that your relationship can't survive a bit of distance, then factor that in to your decision on whether or not it's a relationship you should sacrifice your career for.

On the other hand just because you see, and recognize that something will end eventually doesn't mean you can't enjoy the time you have, and not want it to end any sooner than it has to.

Indeed, if that weren't the case, there'd be no reason not for me to put rat poison in my coffee this morning. I'm aware of the fact that my life will end eventually. But as it stands I'm quite fond of living and am in no hurry to shuffle off this mortal coil anytime soon.
Also true.

However, it's one thing to say "I'm not sure we'll make it through X years apart," and then decide to enjoy the time you've got. It's another to constantly bring up the subject. I mean, if your preoccupation with the inevitable end of your relationship prevents you from enjoying the relationship, then you should probably just break up. :P

I'm totally phone-phobic. It's weird. I hate using the phone, hate returning calls even to people who I WANT to talk with, and would rather spend an hour searching for something on the web instead of calling an easy help-line for a simple answer.

Yes, this definitely did present problems when Himself and I were apart. :P

All true, and I'm certainly not saying a long-distance relationship will work for everyone. I'm just saying that it's worth giving it a shot, and it really doesn't have to be the end of the world. Also, if you find out that your relationship can't survive a bit of distance, then factor that in to your decision on whether or not it's a relationship you should sacrifice your career for.

Sometimes, just sometimes, a long-term long-distance relationship can be more about laziness or unwillingness to go through finding a new relationship, just being comfortable enough to say 'I have a partner' rather than re-entering the 'market'*

I've seen as many defunct, 'stick with the route' long distance relationships as I have those in proximity.

*hate the term, too lazy to think of one better.