NationStates Jolt Archive

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career? If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet? Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?
If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

Goat or virgin?

I meant more of the lifestyle type sacrifices.

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career? If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet? Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?
If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

The only answer is "it depends" - most particularly on the seriousness of the relationship, but also on the specifics of each case. I wouldn't do any of those things for someone I'd been dating for three weeks; I'd do most or all of them for someone I was married to. (I say "most" only because of the pet issue - I have a relationship with my doggie, too, after all, and I wouldn't be willing to completely abandon her for anyone. As it happens, I'm allergic to her myself, so she can't enter the residential areas of the house, which is the sort of compromise I'd totally make for a partner if he were allergic and I were not.)

As for what I'd expect in return? Gratitude. I would certainly want my partner to be aware that I was making a sacrifice for him, and express appreciation for my doing so. I can't imagine asking for anything else, seeing as I'd presumably be making the sacrifice because I actually care about my partner, not because I want him to buy me a necklace or something.

I'd move somewhere. I might give up an expensive hobby if it was for something we BOTH wanted, and he committed to it as well, but not just because he wanted to do something instead that I had no interest or part in. The pet one is a tough call... depends on where we are in the relationship.

I'm fairly adaptable in terms of location, and was willing to follow me ex halfway across the world when that was his plan... as long as I was with him, I didn't really care *where* we were. I can't think of a specific list of things I would or wouldn't give up, but a lot of it would depend on what kind of relationship it is, how serious, how long we've been together, and more than anything, what kind of commitment I was getting back - ie, is he willing to make sacrifices for me, as well? If it's a one-way street (been there, done that), I'm not going to change myself or sacrifice integral pieces of myself or my habits/hobbies/happiness for him.

Edit: in terms of what I want in return, I want him to acknowledge and appreciate the sacrifice I'm making, and be willing to make his own when/if the time or situation called for it. I don't want him to feel like he owes me anything, because what I choose to do I choose to do freely, and relationships aren't about obligation or owing your significant other something... but I want recognition for what I'm doing for him, especially since I never got that from my last relationship and it made me feel like I didn't really matter.

The only answer is "it depends" - most particularly on the seriousness of the relationship, but also on the specifics of each case. I wouldn't do any of those things for someone I'd been dating for three weeks; I'd do most or all of them for someone I was married to. (I say "most" only because of the pet issue - I have a relationship with my doggie, too, after all, and I wouldn't be willing to completely abandon her for anyone. As it happens, I'm allergic to her myself, so she can't enter the residential areas of the house, which is the sort of compromise I'd totally make for a partner if he were allergic and I were not.)

As for what I'd expect in return? Gratitude. I would certainly want my partner to be aware that I was making a sacrifice for him, and express appreciation for my doing so. I can't imagine asking for anything else, seeing as I'd presumably be making the sacrifice because I actually care about my partner, not because I want him to buy me a necklace or something.

You said exactly what I was thinking. =)

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?

I think I would go as far as possible, without compromising who am I, if that can be worked out.

If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career?

In the past few days to weeks I've come upon the realization that to be ok, to be in a stable relationship, the parts involved do not need to feel intensely, in other words, I don't think love is required anymore. There should be respect, there should be a desire to see each other as happy as possible, and if that involves compromising the life one has so the other one can be happy and advance, then so be it. Maybe that, in itself is love, but the "I love you" bit, completely superfluous.

If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet? Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?

Yes to both.

If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

I would expect 3 things, respect, gratitude and equality.

I meant more of the lifestyle type sacrifices.

There are parts of the world where goat and/or donkey are a lifestyle choice.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/4748292.stm

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career? If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet? Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?
If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

I have done most of those things and didn't expect anything in return. You shouldn't make sacrifices expecting your partner to reciprocate, because if they don't you'll be disappointed and hurt and it will be all your fault. That being said he has made many sacrifices for me, and he doesn't expect anything in return either. Relationships are give and take for sure but it shouldn't be some sort of point keeping system.

In the past few days to weeks I've come upon the realization that to be ok, to be in a stable relationship, the parts involved do not need to feel intensely, in other words, I don't think love is required anymore.

Adrift for so long, you decide you don't need the wind...your sails, open to the sky, waiting and wanting for that swift air to take you to horizon, and after so long, you tell yourself you don't need it...

The scent of the ocean, the warm sun, occasional rain and the fare of the sea to sustain you...that must surely enough, you say to yourself...

So, slowly, with a forced smile, you drop your anchor...you chain yourself, thinking stability and surety are better than that capricious, absent wind.

And for a while, it will be...until one day you feel the wind coming, gusting you with a love that had raced to you from across the world...

But you are anchored, now, you couldn't wait....

Adrift for so long, you decide you don't need the wind...your sails, open to the sky, waiting and wanting for that swift air to take you to horizon, and after so long, you tell yourself you don't need it...

The scent of the ocean, the warm sun, occasional rain and the fare of the sea to sustain you...that must surely enough, you say to yourself...

So, slowly, with a forced smile, you drop your anchor...you chain yourself, thinking stability and surety are better than that capricious, absent wind.

And for a while, it will be...until one day you feel the wind coming, gusting you with a love that had raced to you from across the world...

But you are anchored, now, you couldn't wait....

Oh where do you hide, my sailor, that even in the distance you can read the tortuous paths, divine them, of my little, black heart?

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career? If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet? Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?
If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

At this point in my life, I'm through rearranging myself to suit the needs of a partner. If our lives are incompatible as they are, it wasn't meant to be.

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?

Put my time into it, let my partner know how I feel, and try not to compromise her trust.


If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career?

If the relationship was serious, and it would benefit us both more in the long run then yes, if the current situation was better than one I could make probably not, but that's why you have to be equal partners in the relationship and make your decision's together, rationalize about things like this together and don't fight.


If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet?

I know where my pets could find a new home, somewhere were I can visit them regularly.



Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?

I may not give up the hobby, but I would certainly take measures to keep it form being so costly, like doing it less often.


If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

I'd expect the same from them, the willingness to compromise and to make relationship changing decisions together, the same respect and regard I give to them.

Oh where do you hide, my sailor, that even in the distance you can read the tortuous paths, divine them, of my little, black heart?

I used to think only the brave would put to sea, or those with nothing left to lose...

After a while, I've a come to think we're all born here, on the waves, and the best we can do is hope to cross course with good companions.

Who am I, a poor navigator, broken and strewn on the reefs, to advise you, lovely cat-eared captain....

So perhaps I'll only say that you have to choose your anchors carefully, and be wary of this whisper that tells you love is not required...

Also, because this thread has it stuck in my head AGAIN... :p

http://www.k-rock973.com/images/K-ROCK%20STUFF/Generic%20Images/meat_loaf-765022.jpg
I would do anything for love! But I won't do that...no, I won't do that!"

Also, because this thread has it stuck in my head AGAIN... :p

http://www.k-rock973.com/images/K-ROCK%20STUFF/Generic%20Images/meat_loaf-765022.jpg
I would do anything for love! But I won't do that...no, I won't do that!"

Great, now the formal logicians on the forum are going to have their little hissy fits...

I used to think only the brave would put to sea, or those with nothing left to lose...

After a while, I've a come to think we're all born here, on the waves, and the best we can do is hope to cross course with good companions.

You just reminded me of the dancers of foam. Waves, strewn, and they dance frantically. Sadly, all they do is come to die, beautifully, as the waves break on the shore.

That, my poor navigator, is what I am. So are you, my foam dancer.

So perhaps I'll only say that you have to choose your anchors carefully, and be wary of this whisper that tells you love is not required...

I will never forget, never, that no matter how many years pass, someone you know told me that I should always remember I am still beautiful. And it's not beauty of body, but of soul. I will listen to your whisper too. It's good advice given by a journeyman, someone traveling, just like me.

I'd be willing to give up quite a bit, and have, but then my wife has done the same for me. Neither one of us expects anything in return except what we've already promised each other, to be there for each other no matter what, to love each other, and (on my part) make coffee every day.

You just reminded me of the dancers of foam. Waves, strewn, and they dance frantically. Sadly, all they do is come to die, beautifully, as the waves break on the shore.

That, my poor navigator, is what I am. So are you, my foam dancer.

I will never forget, never, that no matter how many years pass, someone you know told me that I should always remember I am still beautiful. And it's not beauty of body, but of soul. I will listen to your whisper too. It's good advice given by a journeyman, someone traveling, just like me.

In your travels, have you found a Tavern of the Cats?

On the road to the Convent of San Jeronimo?

I'd be willing to give up quite a bit, and have, but then my wife has done the same for me. Neither one of us expects anything in return except what we've already promised each other, to be there for each other no matter what, to love each other, and (on my part) make coffee every day.

Is "make coffee" code for doing the old "French Press"?

In your travels, have you found a Tavern of the Cats?

On the road to the Convent of San Jeronimo?

No, I'm afraid I haven't come upon this Tavern of the Cats. Why?

Is "make coffee" code for doing the old "French Press"?

Knowing NERVUN's style I think he really means make coffee.

No, I'm afraid I haven't come upon this Tavern of the Cats. Why?

Do you play with me, cat girl?

Truly, you've never heard the legend, from Andalusia?

How does it go...In Seville, beyond the Macarena Gate and down the road, is a tavern...

The setting of a famous legend about love, about a brunette and a Tavern of Cats?

Is "make coffee" code for doing the old "French Press"?

Knowing NERVUN's style I think he really means make coffee.
'Fraid it's just making the coffee. My wife's addicted. :tongue:

Do you play with me, cat girl?

Truly, you've never heard the legend, from Andalusia?

How does it go...In Seville, beyond the Macarena Gate and down the road, is a tavern...

The setting of a famous legend about love, about a brunette and a Tavern of Cats?

I do not play with you, my lovely Jhahannam. I truly do not know what you're referring to. The only story remotely similar to that is the one about Puss in Boots, and that's a French tale.

'Fraid it's just making the coffee. My wife's addicted. :tongue:

When I lived in Japan, I got hooked on melon soda and Meiji Almonds...when I got back stateside, I couldn't find them...the withdrawal syptoms were horrible...

When I lived in Japan, I got hooked on melon soda and Meiji Almonds...when I got back stateside, I couldn't find them...the withdrawal syptoms were horrible...
I know what you mean. I fear the return home and not having access to taiyaki any more.

I do not play with you, my lovely Jhahannam. I truly do not know what you're referring to. The only story remotely similar to that is the one about Puss in Boots, and that's a French tale.

When you have a free day, go to Seville, to the Macarena Gate, and follow the road to the convent of San Jeronimo...

As you walk, listen carefully, and you might hear a man singing...

"Too long our separation....soul of my soul thou art...The Virgin of Consolation...on the altar of my heart..."

Probably sounds better in the original Spanish...

Ask the old ones, maybe they'll remember...it was once a famous romantic story in Spain.

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career?


If the job bettered our situation sure. I am not worried if the woman *shock* made more then me.

If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet?
My dog? Depends. If it was deathly yes I would. If she could take allergy shots, etc. no.

Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?
The great thing about hobbies, you don't have to give them up forever. Depending on what she wanted or needed. I could put it aside for awhile.

If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

I don't expect to see more then what I expect. Fair is fair.....

When you have a free day, go to Seville, to the Macarena Gate, and follow the road to the convent of San Jeronimo...

As you walk, listen carefully, and you might hear a man singing...

"Too long our separation....soul of my soul thou art...The Virgin of Consolation...on the altar of my heart..."

Probably sounds better in the original Spanish...

Ask the old ones, maybe they'll remember...it was once a famous romantic story in Spain.

I'll ask then. I have to admit, though, that I haven't been to Seville in many many years. But it'll take me some time. I'm not in Spain currently. But when I go back home, I will.

Muy larga nuestra separacion.... alma de mi alma eres... La Virgen de la Consolacion... en el altar de mi corazon...

It sounds good in both languages.

I'll ask then. I have to admit, though, that I haven't been to Seville in many many years. But it'll take me some time. I'm not in Spain currently. But when I go back home, I will.

Muy larga nuestra separacion.... alma de mi alma eres... La Virgen de la Consolacion... en el altar de mi corazon...

It sounds good in both languages.

Spain must sing sadly, if its own heart has strayed to depart...

Will the pomegranates grow if you don't return for the rains? Will the Bluebells come?

Hurry home, cat-eared girl, lest like Persephone, you set to war the seasons...

I'd expect the same from them, the willingness to compromise and to make relationship changing decisions together, the same respect and regard I give to them.

I think that I feel the same way (though you put it better than I could have).

I would do anything for love.
...but I won't do that.

Spain must sing sadly, if its own heart has strayed to depart...

I wish that was so. But Spain will continue wether I'm there or not.

Will the pomegranates grow if you don't return for the rains? Will the Bluebells come?

They will if you, as my bard, sing to them.

Hurry home, cat-eared girl, lest like Persephone, you set to war the seasons...

No matter what, Proserpine won't be able to prevent the passing of the seasons, beloved Jhahannam. Home will get its Spring, its Summer and, in the end, its Autumn and its Winter.

Moving a long way can put serious stress on a relationship, it's a very tough decision, the simple fact is that one person is giving something up and, as loving as one professes to be, there can be underlying resentment and that can crop up in future arguments.

Either way, to give up a good job offer to stay or give up a good job to go, it becomes 'something' in the relationship and that should be recognised, much as, hypothetically, you might say it doesn't.

Discuss it thoroughly and be honest whenever a large compromise comes up,

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?

Depends on what was needed and how much I valued the relationship.

If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career?

Yeah. A lot of the things I do to bring in money I can do anywhere, and the things I do that I couldn't do in, say, an urban environment are really more hobbies than anything else.

If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet?

No. My dogs have lived with me longer and been more faithful than any woman I've ever been associated with. If she forces a choice, somebody's going to be shivering on the side of the road, but it won't be the dogs.

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?Not a lot. Some people say I let go of things too easily.

Not a lot. Some people say I let go of things too easily.
Well, you don't let go of everything too easily apparently, otherwise it would be easy to give up things for a relationship, wouldn't it?

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career? If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet? Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?
If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?
i wouldnt do any of those things for a boyfriend.

when it comes to a husband i would expect that whatever "sacrifices" we make are good for the family--meaning both of us. sometimes that means moving or giving up a job. sometimes it means giving up hobbies or luxuries for the sake of some bigger financial goal. but it has to be good for both people and the other person has to be equally willing to modify his expectations when the need arises. it cant be all give by one person for the sake of the other.

I think that I feel the same way (though you put it better than I could have).

I've had 4 years to think about exactly what I want...

Well, you don't let go of everything too easily apparently, otherwise it would be easy to give up things for a relationship, wouldn't it?Verily.

Perhaps it would be better for me to wait and see what I would do when it comes to it?

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career?I'd like to do "something on the internet" for a job. So that'd be a great opportunity to start.

If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet?I'd have no pets but her. And I would hope she wasn't allergic to herself.

Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?I'd have to get a costly hobby first. I'm not giving up my internet, but it's not that expensive (in fact, it's currently free; aside from time that might be spend earning money, I suppose.)

If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?Her eternal soul! Err, I mean love. Yeah.. eternal love <_<
Until we get fed up with eachother, anyway.

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?

I've watched the Jeremy Kyle show for a woman. Also Oprah, Ellen, Project Catwalk and America's next top model. Moving, pets and jobs would be easy compared to that.

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career?

Seeing how I just started my own business and actually am happy, no.

If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet?

I love both Willie and Amelia (yes NSG I now own my brother's dog :) ) and I love them both, so no, I'm not willing to give up the animals.

Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?

Permanent or temporary?

If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?

Equal sacrifice from her in the future, either that or one Hell of a night in bed.

I generally dislike these types of hypotheticals because they usually reduce to absurdities like "what if she didn't like your cat and told you that she'd leave if you didn't get rid of him?"

It's kind of a nonsensical proposition, anyone that petty wouldn't be involved with me long enough to raise the dillema.

I generally dislike these types of hypotheticals because they usually reduce to absurdities like "what if she didn't like your cat and told you that she'd leave if you didn't get rid of him?"

It's kind of a nonsensical proposition, anyone that petty wouldn't be involved with me long enough to raise the dillema.

Hence my comments about the goat lifestyle.

What would you give up to keep a relationship together?
If your significant other was offered a dream job in a place where you could not continue your job (or one similar) would you follow them and find a new career? If they developed allergies to your pet, would you find a new home for your pet? Would you give up a costly hobby to save money for something they want or need?
If you did any of these things for your partner, what would you expect in return?
As we neared the end of college, my partner and I had been together for two years and neither of us wanted to end the relationship. We each got into one grad school program that we wanted to attend. His was in Los Angeles. Mine was in Washington, DC.

We opted to do the long distance deal because neither of us wanted the other to have to give up on grad school. We lived on opposite sides of the country for two years. While it did work out in the end, it's not something that I think we could have sustained much longer, and it's not something that I think will work for most couples.

After he finished his Master's, my partner moved to DC with me. He had wanted to move back to Boston, where he'd be closer to family and friends, but I was (am) still in school. He hasn't had to give up his career or anything, but it's still a big sacrifice, and he's been here in DC with me for going on three years now.

Our deal is that he gets to pick where we go as soon as I'm done with my PhD. If he had picked a place that I absolutely hated then maybe we'd have had to renegotiate, but he wants Boston and I'm down with Boston. It's not my first choice, but DC wasn't his first choice, so I consider it totally fair for him to get a turn.

Personally, I would never agree to move someplace I hated just because it was good for my partner. I also wouldn't ask my partner to move somewhere they hated. At least not for long term. Maybe if it was "We need to live in this shithole for a year and then we can leave," I'd be okay with it. But if it were a long-term or potentially permanent deal, then I don't think there's any way to avoid bitterness and resentment in that situation.

As we neared the end of college, my partner and I had been together for two years and neither of us wanted to end the relationship. We each got into one grad school program that we wanted to attend. His was in Los Angeles. Mine was in Washington, DC.

We opted to do the long distance deal because neither of us wanted the other to have to give up on grad school. We lived on opposite sides of the country for two years. While it did work out in the end, it's not something that I think we could have sustained much longer, and it's not something that I think will work for most couples.

After he finished his Master's, my partner moved to DC with me. He had wanted to move back to Boston, where he'd be closer to family and friends, but I was (am) still in school. He hasn't had to give up his career or anything, but it's still a big sacrifice, and he's been here in DC with me for going on three years now.

Our deal is that he gets to pick where we go as soon as I'm done with my PhD. If he had picked a place that I absolutely hated then maybe we'd have had to renegotiate, but he wants Boston and I'm down with Boston. It's not my first choice, but DC wasn't his first choice, so I consider it totally fair for him to get a turn.

Personally, I would never agree to move someplace I hated just because it was good for my partner. I also wouldn't ask my partner to move somewhere they hated. At least not for long term. Maybe if it was "We need to live in this shithole for a year and then we can leave," I'd be okay with it. But if it were a long-term or potentially permanent deal, then I don't think there's any way to avoid bitterness and resentment in that situation.

Don't do it! It's freaking COOOLD here.

Don't do it! It's freaking COOOLD here.

I grew up in Minneapolis. Boston weather is pool-party weather.

I grew up in Minneapolis. Boston weather is pool-party weather.

it's not so much the cold in and of itself, as the fact that it never....ever....ever...ends.