NationStates Jolt Archive

Found this site (http://www.foodshortageusa.com/) advertised on WorldNetDaily (shocking, I know.) Now, food security is something worth talking about, even here in the continent o' plenty, but they're using it as a hook to sell you...
...wait for it...
tips on home canning.
From the video clip, it appears to be the same tips on home canning that are in the back of my Betty Crocker cookbook. Which I have because it was abandoned by the apartment's previous tenant. Home canning is not exactly an esoteric art. "Secrets" to making your own "survival foods," however, are worth $39.95 plus $5 shipping. Because, really, canning chicken breasts is the way to get "off the establishment food grid." (Until you run out of chicken breasts. Then your lazy urban butt is dead meat.)

There's got to be a way I can get in on this. Hey, I have an amazing bio-powered 21-speed two-wheeled "survival vehicle" that will allow you to finally get off the establishment oil grid. For only $1999.95 I'll send you an assembly kit and a set of instructional DVDs. Whaddaya say? Is $2K really that much to pay to protect your transportation capabilities in the event of a terrorist attack?

Found this site (http://www.foodshortageusa.com/) advertised on WorldNetDaily (shocking, I know.) Now, food security is something worth talking about, even here in the continent o' plenty, but they're using it as a hook to sell you...
...wait for it...
tips on home canning.
From the video clip, it appears to be the same tips on home canning that are in the back of my Betty Crocker cookbook. Which I have because it was abandoned by the apartment's previous tenant. Home canning is not exactly an esoteric art. "Secrets" to making your own "survival foods," however, are worth $39.95 plus $5 shipping. Because, really, canning chicken breasts is the way to get "off the establishment food grid." (Until you run out of chicken breasts. Then your lazy urban butt is dead meat.)

There's got to be a way I can get in on this. Hey, I have an amazing bio-powered 21-speed two-wheeled "survival vehicle" that will allow you to finally get off the establishment oil grid. For only $1999.95 I'll send you an assembly kit and a set of instructional DVDs. Whaddaya say? Is $2K really that much to pay to protect your transportation capabilities in the event of a terrorist attack?

It sounds like this is less about survivalists, and more about someone trying to create a little panic, so they can sell some DVDs to the sheeple.

I can sell you a solar-powered clothes dryer for $129.95.

*please note that any resemblance to a clothesline is purely coincidental.

I can sell you a solar-powered clothes dryer for $129.95.

*please note that any resemblance to a clothesline is purely coincidental.

A solar powered clothes dryer is GENIUS! Don't forget though, that we cannot live without water. I've got a warehouse full of 8 ounce cans of dehydrated water* that I'll be selling, once the SHTF.


*Instructions for dehydrated water
Open can with P-38 can opener
Add 8 ounces of water to can contents
Mix thoroughly and enjoy

What happens if you run out of cans? There better be a goddamn one-time free special offer for the companion book "How to Make Cans" or else I'm not buying it. I want to get off the can establishment grid once and for all and I'll be damned if some ZOG agent or our Muslim atheist president is going to deny me that privilege.

What happens if you run out of cans? There better be a goddamn one-time free special offer for the companion book "How to Make Cans" or else I'm not buying it.

Maybe the third book in the trilogy could be; "How to Make Food".

the idea of canning is you can hunt/harvest the food then can it to eat through winter.

the idea of canning is you can hunt/harvest the food then can it to eat through winter.

That is generally the idea behind food preservation. Of course, you could just move somewhere that doesn't have a winter...

Cans are quite easy to make. I can sell you a book for only $19.95 that will explain how to make them. Spoilers ahead: Step one: Find your local scrapyard. Step two: Gather all the scrap metal into piles. Step three: Using an industrial furnace or equivalent, heat it until soft and hammer it into long thin sheets.....

Cans are quite easy to make. I can sell you a book for only $19.95 that will explain how to make them. Spoilers ahead: Step one: Find your local scrapyard. Step two: Gather all the scrap metal into piles. Step three: Using an industrial furnace or equivalent, heat it until soft and hammer it into long thin sheets.....

Hey, that means I'm still part of the sheet metal and industrial furnace grid establishments!

Hey, that means I'm still part of the sheet metal and industrial furnace grid establishments!

Not in the slightest! You just get your own sheet metal, furnace, welding tools, etc. Alternately, make the cans out of something like leaves or bamboo. That's about as anti-establishment as you can get, including against the food and security establishments!

That is generally the idea behind food preservation. Of course, you could just move somewhere that doesn't have a winter...

problem is those pesky natives..... not want to give up their land.

problem is those pesky natives..... not want to give up their land.

Well, I guess we'll just have to take it from them. And kill them, of course, just to make sure. It's the Godly thing to do.

Not in the slightest! You just get your own sheet metal, furnace, welding tools, etc. Alternately, make the cans out of something like leaves or bamboo. That's about as anti-establishment as you can get, including against the food and security establishments!

I feel like all of this is helping the antiestablishment establishment

I feel like all of this is helping the antiestablishment establishment

yes, but blocking it would be helping the antiantiestablishment establishment, so it evens out.

It seems like everyday the internet is more like late night TV. Shitty programming, people trying to sell you useless crap, insane people with weird ideas...

Not in the slightest! You just get your own sheet metal, furnace, welding tools, etc. Alternately, make the cans out of something like leaves or bamboo. That's about as anti-establishment as you can get, including against the food and security establishments!

But you'd still be part of the "eats drinks and breathes" establishment. For shame!

It seems like everyday the internet is more like late night TV. Shitty programming, people trying to sell you useless crap, insane people with weird ideas...

I don't want to be a negative Nancy, but grocery shelves look no different than they did 10 years ago. Hell, there might be more exotic stuff there these days...

I don't want to be a negative Nancy, but grocery shelves look no different than they did 10 years ago. Hell, there might be more exotic stuff there these days...

Yeah, but more infrared earwax removers, too

I don't want to be a negative Nancy, but grocery shelves look no different than they did 10 years ago. Hell, there might be more exotic stuff there these days...

I think I missed something, I'm not really sure what this has to do with anything I said. :confused:

I know that my Grandma cans tomatoes every year--they're fantastic midwinter to put in salsa or pasta sauce. She also cans pickles, green beans and eggs. The pickles and the green beans are fantastic, the eggs, not so much.

Why does she do it? Is it because she's a survivalist? No! It's because she's my grandma, and that's what grandma's do.

Dear survivalists: Don't try to mess with grandma zone.

I think I missed something, I'm not really sure what this has to do with anything I said. :confused:

Yeah, I quoted the wrong post.