NationStates Jolt Archive

So, Sarkhaan just asked somebody if you can gargle placenta. And it came up naturally. It developed as a (sort of) reasonable statement in the course of the discussion.

So, here's the thread:

Find, going back as far as you want, the strangest post on NSG you can locate.
It must fit the following:

1. It must have developed organically (in the conceptual sense) from the course of the thread.

2. It must not have had the sole purpose of expressing bizareness (pancake bunny head stuff).

3. It must need no more than a paragraph of contextual explanation.

4. It must have been posted prior to this post.

Winner will be chosen using the same vote scale as the Ghost/Neo Art debate starting Sunday, people can vote once, and use the graduated vote scale used in that thread.

Winner then gets to pick my avatar. Go.

My first entry taken from the NS Archive. And I think it needs no explanation:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13862734&postcount=5

*nod*

I remember one that I'm sure was purged, it was about shoes, some guy expressing, in his OP, amazement that someone owned 12 PAIRS OF SHOES! and how sick was that and who owned more than 2 pairs of shoes and what was the world coming to.

It really seemed genuine, it remains my favourite thread ever.

EDIT: Actually, I found it, not half as funny as I remember, some might say not funny at all, oh well, life's great in my memory.

Heh. One of my favs, for some reason:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13862714&postcount=1
Katganistan is a long serving and loved moderator, her temperance and sound judgement widely esteemed by veterans and noobs alike.

But her time should be over, not because of what she is now, but because what she used to be. None of you know Katganistan like I do, and although we can't live in the past, we can never escape the things we've done.

It began in 1982, the chilling patina of an enduring Cold War casting its icy cloud over Eastern Europe. Kat and I were in Prague, at a small cafe, feigning a game of chess while deeper and deadlier sport was afoot.

Katganistan was recruited into Section K of the Swiss Guard while a young seminary student at an undisclosed Jesuit enclave. Although her willfulness and her vagina kept her from ordination, her tremendous aptitude could not be denied. She was marked early for Section K.

Although the Swiss Guard has the ostensible purpose of securing the bodily safety of the Pope and the grounds of the Vatican, it has a little known but widely feared subset of assassins whose sole purpose to safeguard the Unholy Grail, the cup that Judas drank from at the last supper. In the wrong hands, this artifact could inconvenience the entire world.

So anyway, yeah, Prague. We had tracked down the Grail, which had been stolen by a defrocked friar named Francis whose freakish fearsomeness was fucking fierce. For real.

Francis was meeting his buyer at the cafe, and Katganistan, using the cover name Ethyl Kuntzenrooster, was going to intercept him.

I will never forget the horror I saw that day.

Katganistan was trained in fifteen kinds of close combat martial arts, including Kyokushin, Krav Maga, Ju-Jitsu, Young Women's Christian Association Self-Defense and Cardio Workout Intermediate, and that thing that Patrick Swazye could do with three fingers in Roadhouse.

But her favored style...was Drunken Master Kung Fu. Seriously, people, I'm not kidding. You get some Heineken into that girl and she'll snatch your lungs out and cook them with carrots.

But that day...that day she'd had too much. That Prague beer is strong stuff. When Francis came through the door, Katganistan attempted the flying spinning double crotch thrust kick...and missed.

I wish that had been the limit of her mistake that day. But bar windows are mere glass, and she went right through...oh, she still struck a scrotum that day, to be sure. But it was the ballsack of a Prague Municipal Police Horse that was standing outside.

I wish, oh sweet merciful God I wish I could get that sound out of my memory. The horse recovered, eventually, but he was retired from duty, as was Katganistan. She at least left with the same number of testicles she came in with, which was zero, but still.

So, anyway, ask yourselves, nationstates, is this the woman you want judging your flames, deleting your spam, locking your threads?

Support Hammurab for nationstates moderator (even though such support is meaningless and has nothing to do with how moderators are chosen).

After all, no amount of fair moderation will undo the kicking of a police horse in the nuts.

I think your own, "I can't believe you'd imply that Ayn Rand had a short penis" has to be right up there. :p

you forgot USA vs. France :D
This. ^

These are great, see if you can post the actual quote along with the link, so people can see it faster.

I remember one that I'm sure was purged, it was about shoes, some guy expressing, in his OP, amazement that someone owned 12 PAIRS OF SHOES! and how sick was that and who owned more than 2 pairs of shoes and what was the world coming to.

It really seemed genuine, it remains my favourite thread ever.

Twelve pairs is an awful big mess of shoes, but being angry about someone owning so many? I'd like to have seen that.

Heh. One of my favs, for some reason:

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13862714&postcount=1

This is the one I thought of. Not surprised you would like it too.

That Hammurab was a strange fellow indeed. I wonder whatever happened to him...

This is the one I thought of. Not surprised you would like it too.

That Hammurab was a strange fellow indeed. I wonder whatever happened to him...

He was chopped up and eaten by his evil creator.

He was chopped up and eaten by his evil creator.

Is that why he never returned from his long walk in the woods?

It makes so much sense now.

This is the one I thought of. Not surprised you would like it too.

That Hammurab was a strange fellow indeed. I wonder whatever happened to him...
Like it? My fiance felt the need to share it with all of my friends -- which made for several gut-bustingly funny dramatic readings.

Love it's more like it. ;) But I think I still would have thought it hysterical had it been about Fris, or Ardchoille, or any other of my colleagues.

Like it? My fiance felt the need to share it with all of my friends -- which made for several gut-bustingly funny dramatic readings.

Love it's more like it. ;) But I think I still would have thought it hysterical had it been about Fris, or Ardchoille, or any other of my colleagues.

I notice you never share with them the whole story.

About how you're the only person who's ever been inside the Vatican's secret "Black Library" whose entrance code is part of a KISS tatoo three centimeters above your coin slot?

That you caused an uproar by showing, with video evidence, that the sacred rite of excorcism works even better if you replace "unclean spirit" with the word "motherfucker"?

That you've been using six of the Seven Sacred Daggers of Meggido for dinner parties? In Queens?

One day, the truth about you will come out, you'll be deposed as mod. There's only one way out of Section K and all your little Swiss buddies in the poofy pants won't keep your secrets forever.

Although the way you made it so Gene Simmons is upside down and has hair is really cool...

Heh. One of my favs, for some reason:

epic.

i like this one, simply cos it comes from Tactical Grace http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11437493&postcount=8

and here are some that made me laugh while going through my quotes page (http://www.hlj.me.uk/ns/quotesframeset.htm) :p

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=11308117&postcount=344

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10333168&postcount=432

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9836531&postcount=31

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=9833287&postcount=20

About how you're the only person who's ever been inside the Vatican's secret "Black Library" whose entrance code is part of a KISS tatoo three centimeters above your coin slot? Okay, I lol'd, and nearly chocked on my drink. That's the second time you've almost made me chocke, 'Toomey'. I'm beginnign to think you do it on purpose.

That you caused an uproar by showing, with video evidence, that the sacred rite of excorcism works even better if you replace "unclean spirit" with the word "motherfucker"?That's right, motherfucker. ;)

I'm still quite partial to the one in my sig. I'm also too lazy to search for another.

I nominate the entire posting history of Behaved. He's awesome.

That you caused an uproar by showing, with video evidence, that the sacred rite of excorcism works even better if you replace "unclean spirit" with the word "motherfucker"?

That's right, motherfucker. ;)

Well it worked for Samuel L. Jackson. And he's cool and shit because HE got the purple lightsaber.

Heh. One of my favs, for some reason:

Um, because it reads like a James Bond script with James Bond taken out? And you as the number one sex kitten?

Problem is, it's pretty damn obvious the poster you quote (Hammurab) is the same poster as the OP of this thread (Sgt Toomey) so if your submission wins as judged by the OP, the OP gets to choose their own avatar.

Excuse me for finding this all a bit ... incestuous?

Um, because it reads like a James Bond script with James Bond taken out? And you as the number one sex kitten?

Problem is, it's pretty damn obvious the poster you quote (Hammurab) is the same poster as the OP of this thread (Sgt Toomey) so if your submission wins as judged by the OP, the OP gets to choose their own avatar.

Excuse me for finding this all a bit ... incestuous?

Well, it is the internet. Everyone's sleeping with everyone else's quotes.

There's Zombie Raptor Jesus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14046792&postcount=2)
I am not a walrus (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14124107&postcount=204)
And there are more but I don't feel like searching through threads and the "show as posts" option only gives you 300 posts.

Also, I've been sigged like 5 times, so if anyone knows who all those people are and can quote the sigs, go for it.

I'm still quite partial to the one in my sig. I'm also too lazy to search for another.
It is quite good indeed.

My faves are from the signatures of NERVUN and Turquoise Days, respectively:

"Men, today you'll be issued small trees. Do what you can for the emperor's glory." -Daistallia 2104 on bonsai charges in WWII

"Many of you men have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, extend the screw, screw it in the cork, pull the cork, yell 'Meat or Fish!' and throw!" ~ Trotskylvania, on the Swiss Army Knife.

I nominate the entire posting history of Behaved. He's awesome.
I see what you did there. If we get another one of those threads now I'll forever hold it against you. Personally.

Heh. One of my favs, for some reason:

Upon further review, this particular quote may not qualify for Teh Award, because it did not 'develop organically during the course of the thread'. It was the OP.

It's still worth remembering though.

Upon further review, this particular quote may not qualify for Teh Award, because it did not 'develop organically during the course of the thread'. It was the OP.

It's still worth remembering though.
That's fine -- it always needs another airing, though. ;)

I nominate the entire posting history of Behaved. He's awesome.
She :D

"Men, today you'll be issued small trees. Do what you can for the emperor's glory." -Daistallia 2104 on bonsai charges in WWII

It's a fucking great joke. It's not what the OP is asking for (things that were meant seriously but are really odd out of context) but it's a great joke. I know how hard it is to see a great typo on your screen, like bonsai instead of banzai, and know that a dozen other people out there want to make the same joke, and still take the time to land it that well.

I think it might be one of the jokes I will remember for ever. Like the riddle about the weasel and the stoat. Or how to titillate an ocelot. My next reincarnation is going to be really really pissed that this is what I choose to remember.

This is fairly recent, but nearly cost me a mouthful of raspberry soda.

Jesus went around healing the sick and extrapolating fish, not having his period all over everything.

It's a fucking great joke. It's not what the OP is asking for (things that were meant seriously but are really odd out of context) but it's a great joke.
Guess who didn't read the OP all that well. <<

Guess who didn't read the OP all that well. <<

Um. Let's see.

So, Sarkhaan just asked somebody if you can gargle placenta. And it came up naturally. It developed as a (sort of) reasonable statement in the course of the discussion.

So, here's the thread:

Find, going back as far as you want, the strangest post on NSG you can locate.
It must fit the following:

1. It must have developed organically (in the conceptual sense) from the course of the thread.

2. It must not have had the sole purpose of expressing bizareness (pancake bunny head stuff).

3. It must need no more than a paragraph of contextual explanation.

4. It must have been posted prior to this post.

Winner will be chosen using the same vote scale as the Ghost/Neo Art debate starting Sunday, people can vote once, and use the graduated vote scale used in that thread.

Winner then gets to pick my avatar. Go.

I know you want me to put my hand up and say I'm the one who didn't read the OP all that well.

But before I do that, how about YOU try to summarize the OP's criteria of a winning post.

My twelve words: "things that were meant seriously but are really odd out of context"

Now give me twelve words or less which you think sum up the OP's criteria for a "winning" post.

I'll leave it to Sgt Toomey to decide which of our summaries is closer ... since nobody knows better than Sgt Toomey what Sgt Toomey is flattered to believe that they are gibbering about.

Guess who didn't read the OP all that well. <<

Um. Or perhaps I'm not supposed to go and look at the OP. Perhaps your question is rhetorical and the answer is contained right there.

Um, this bit?

<<

But ... but ... I don't know what that means!

I'm good with an axe. I'm kinda all right with a computer. I have excellent handwriting.

*looks at computer*

*hefts axe*

this.

(http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14528001&postcount=1)

Um. Let's see.



I know you want me to put my hand up and say I'm the one who didn't read the OP all that well.

But before I do that, how about YOU try to summarize the OP's criteria of a winning post.

My twelve words: "things that were meant seriously but are really odd out of context"

Now give me twelve words or less which you think sum up the OP's criteria for a "winning" post.

I'll leave it to Sgt Toomey to decide which of our summaries is closer ... since nobody knows better than Sgt Toomey what Sgt Toomey is flattered to believe that they are gibbering about.

Um. Or perhaps I'm not supposed to go and look at the OP. Perhaps your question is rhetorical and the answer is contained right there.

Um, this bit?



But ... but ... I don't know what that means!

I'm good with an axe. I'm kinda all right with a computer. I have excellent handwriting.

*looks at computer*

*hefts axe*
Silly NH. I was referring to myself, obviously (I thought). The "<<" are embarrassed shifty eyes.

Ayn Rand's post is in my sig. I love it.

Silly NH. I was referring to myself, obviously (I thought). The "<<" are embarrassed shifty eyes.

Excuse an old fogey for not knowing. :$

Excuse an old fogey for not knowing. :$
:fluffle:

My choice is the following conversation between PM and Peechland on my first "New Year's Around the World" thread at midnight in the UK (8:00pm in the U.S. East Coast):

PM: Peechie, i'm now officially in the future

Peech:tell me what its like......any new inventions or anything?

PM: all the cars fly and the place is ruled by damn dirty apes.

but tv has gotten shitter

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10186435&postcount=56
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10186481&postcount=57
http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=10186542&postcount=58

"Your clitoral hood is pointy, blue, and has little stars on it?"

-RhynoD

The one currently in my sig came up today.

I'm still rocking in my seat mumbling .....wtf??.....wtf?.....

Don't have a link, but

Who cares what you think. You can't even spell parrot.

Don't have a link, but

This dude sounds awesome, I've heard him referenced a lot, but don't think I've ever been around when he posted...

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14515900&postcount=78

I have an eleven inch long penis which is actually worshiped by a tribe of Amazons, who regard it as a fertility deity and make daily sacrifices to my awesomeness.

:eek:

:eek:

Nice.

"Your clitoral hood is pointy, blue, and has little stars on it?"

-RhynoD

And the follow-up (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14532576&postcount=512).

I still want Bottle to explain this placenta-gargling thing...