NationStates Jolt Archive

I've recently fallen in love with this girl, and for the first time, I feel like acting on it. I've got a couple of general questions though, so I would really appreciate some advice.

I'm thinking of asking her to go see our school's musical this Saturday. But I'm not really sure how to approach the whole deal. Anyways, I recognize that I'm probably overthinking this a lot, but this is the first time I'll ever have asked a girl out, and I've been driven crazy the past couple days. I would feel relieved to get some input though.

We're both in a competitive team activity, so I'm not too sure about the potential effects on the team. I kind of have this feeling that if things go sour, it would be really awkward for awhile, but it would eventually be a null issue. You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?

Generally when I see her, she's with her close friends. I suspect it would be really awkward asking her when she's with them, but then again, I only see her on her own once a day, so it would also be kind of awkward to ask her then. Lastly, I could call her and ask, but that feels kind of cowardly and I'm already not wanting to do that (I'd prefer asking her in front of her friends really). So how should I approach her?

When I do talk to her, should I start it out with formalities, or try to go straight to the point? I'm not the best at chatter, and she's rather introverted around people she's not very close to already, so I think it would probably be unnecessary? Am I right?

I'm thinking of asking her in a sort of open manner, like "Would you like to go see the musical with me Saturday night?" I don't really feel that any further specification would be helpful. And if her response is that she's going to see it with her friends that day (I think I heard her say something along those lines, but I'm not sure either way), would it be ok to ask her to go see a movie or something like that later that weekend? Or should I see it as sort of a flat "No"? Your thoughts?

And just as a sort of pre-emption, I recognize the general futility of high-school relationships. However, as of this last week, my logical faculties aren't working properly, and I don't really care. I've had "crushes" before, but I've never felt this strongly or been so overwhelmed, so I think it's probably best that I kind of admit it to her, even if she says no.

I've recently fallen in love with this girl, and for the first time, I feel like acting on it. I've got a couple of general questions though, so I would really appreciate some advice.
1st off your not in love. you have an infatuation.you must CALM DOWN if your even going to have a chance with her.


I'm thinking of asking her to go see our school's musical this Saturday. But I'm not really sure how to approach the whole deal. Anyways, I recognize that I'm probably overthinking this a lot, but this is the first time I'll ever have asked a girl out, and I've been driven crazy the past couple days. I would feel relieved to get some input though.

make it a group thing so have a few buds going and ask her and her friends to join. If only she can come have your friends conveniently get ditch you.
Don't play this as a romantic date yet. Get to know her. Since your inviting her friends ask in front of her friends.

We're both in a competitive team activity, so I'm not too sure about the potential effects on the team. I kind of have this feeling that if things go sour, it would be really awkward for awhile, but it would eventually be a null issue. You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?[quote]
Screw team chemistry this isn't work. If you don't make a move on her then someone else on your team will.
[quote]

Generally when I see her, she's with her close friends. I suspect it would be really awkward asking her when she's with them, but then again, I only see her on her own once a day, so it would also be kind of awkward to ask her then. Lastly, I could call her and ask, but that feels kind of cowardly and I'm already not wanting to do that (I'd prefer asking her in front of her friends really). So how should I approach her?

don't ask her out yet. You need to talk to this girl. Call her see whats she is doing and what she likes. Maybe toy with the idea of her friends and your friends going to the musical.


When I do talk to her, should I start it out with formalities, or try to go straight to the point? I'm not the best at chatter, and she's rather introverted around people she's not very close to already, so I think it would probably be unnecessary? Am I right?

get her phone number. maybe be direct in that. other then that chat her up. The more shy she acts the more she is into you.


I'm thinking of asking her in a sort of open manner, like "Would you like to go see the musical with me Saturday night?" I don't really feel that any further specification would be helpful. And if her response is that she's going to see it with her friends that day (I think I heard her say something along those lines, but I'm not sure either way), would it be ok to ask her to go see a movie or something like that later that weekend? Or should I see it as sort of a flat "No"? Your thoughts?

And just as a sort of pre-emption, I recognize the general futility of high-school relationships. However, as of this last week, my logical faculties aren't working properly, and I don't really care. I've had "crushes" before, but I've never felt this strongly or been so overwhelmed, so I think it's probably best that I kind of admit it to her, even if she says no.

The main thing you need to do is talk to this girl and figure out what she likes and so on. Take a deep breath get her phone number and talk to her a few times on the phone. The longer you talk to her the more chemistry their likely is.

Straight to the point. Look, if she isn't at least a little interested in you, she isn't going to say yes.

You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?

It could be. It depends how important "team chemistry" is to you.

Generally when I see her, she's with her close friends. I suspect it would be really awkward asking her when she's with them, but then again, I only see her on her own once a day, so it would also be kind of awkward to ask her then. Lastly, I could call her and ask, but that feels kind of cowardly and I'm already not wanting to do that (I'd prefer asking her in front of her friends really). So how should I approach her?

I suggest showing up with a banjo under her bedroom window and singing her a song to show her just how much you really care.

When I do talk to her, should I start it out with formalities, or try to go straight to the point?

Women love formalities. See the aforementioned banjo.

I'm not the best at chatter, and she's rather introverted around people she's not very close to already, so I think it would probably be unnecessary? Am I right?

The formalities? Formalities are always necessary.

I'm thinking of asking her in a sort of open manner, like "Would you like to go see the musical with me Saturday night?" I don't really feel that any further specification would be helpful. And if her response is that she's going to see it with her friends that day (I think I heard her say something along those lines, but I'm not sure either way), would it be ok to ask her to go see a movie or something like that later that weekend? Or should I see it as sort of a flat "No"? Your thoughts?

Women love persistence. You should ask her later that night, then early the next day, then later the next day, and so on until you've examined every minute of her potential weekend.

And just as a sort of pre-emption, I recognize the general futility of high-school relationships. However, as of this last week, my logical faculties aren't working properly, and I don't really care. I've had "crushes" before, but I've never felt this strongly or been so overwhelmed, so I think it's probably best that I kind of admit it to her, even if she says no.

Never admit your true feelings right off the bat. They hate that. There's a dance and a game to this whole thing that has be played first. See my aforementioned suggestions.

Straight to the point. Look, if she isn't at least a little interested in you, she isn't going to say yes.

that why he needs to talk to her more. he comes out of the blue with this its going to be weird.

I'm thinking of asking her to go see our school's musical this Saturday. But I'm not really sure how to approach the whole deal. Anyways, I recognize that I'm probably overthinking this a lot, but this is the first time I'll ever have asked a girl out, and I've been driven crazy the past couple days. I would feel relieved to get some input though.

We're both in a competitive team activity, so I'm not too sure about the potential effects on the team. I kind of have this feeling that if things go sour, it would be really awkward for awhile, but it would eventually be a null issue. You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?

Of course not. And you already know you're overthinking - procrastinating, really. There is no really winning or superior way to approach it. Just ask her and be yourself. Don't be coy or try to use a line, don't make it sounds like "a date" and frankly, don't bother thinking of it in those terms. All you really want to do here, is hang out with her and have fun, right? So don't put the pressure (on you or her) of having romantic expectations.

Generally when I see her, she's with her close friends. I suspect it would be really awkward asking her when she's with them, but then again, I only see her on her own once a day, so it would also be kind of awkward to ask her then. Lastly, I could call her and ask, but that feels kind of cowardly and I'm already not wanting to do that (I'd prefer asking her in front of her friends really). So how should I approach her?


There's nothing cowardly about calling and asking. Actually, I get more nervous on the phone than in person. I hate phones in general.

So do that.

Or, ask her in front of her friends. I'd prefer to get her alone, however, so they can't interfere with some school age peer pressure nonsense. But, that's probably not likely if you play it right. Just be casual, don't beat around the bush, don't try to express your feelings or offer roses or anything at all like that.

When I do talk to her, should I start it out with formalities, or try to go straight to the point? I'm not the best at chatter, and she's rather introverted around people she's not very close to already, so I think it would probably be unnecessary? Am I right?

Yeah, get to the point. Don't be blunt, I mean break the ice with at least a hello and how are ya today, something like that.

There's no magic way though. You know her better than anyone on this forum does. You know yourself. Just do it.

I'm thinking of asking her in a sort of open manner, like "Would you like to go see the musical with me Saturday night?" I don't really feel that any further specification would be helpful. And if her response is that she's going to see it with her friends that day (I think I heard her say something along those lines, but I'm not sure either way), would it be ok to ask her to go see a movie or something like that later that weekend? Or should I see it as sort of a flat "No"? Your thoughts?

Don't read too much into it if she says she's going with her friends. Sure, ask her if she wants to do something else. The worst she will say is no.

And just as a sort of pre-emption, I recognize the general futility of high-school relationships. However, as of this last week, my logical faculties aren't working properly, and I don't really care. I've had "crushes" before, but I've never felt this strongly or been so overwhelmed, so I think it's probably best that I kind of admit it to her, even if she says no.

Futility of high school relationships? What do you mean?

I wouldn't bother 'admitting' any deep secretive feelings just like that. Again, it just puts undue expectations on everything, including you. To be honest, she will likely already know you have a crush on her anyway.

that why he needs to talk to her more. he comes out of the blue with this its going to be weird.

Oh, I didn't realize this.

1st off your not in love. you have an infatuation.you must CALM DOWN if your even going to have a chance with her.

make it a group thing so have a few buds going and ask her and her friends to join. If only she can come have your friends conveniently get ditch you.
Don't play this as a romantic date yet. Get to know her. Since your inviting her friends ask in front of her friends.
[quote]
We're both in a competitive team activity, so I'm not too sure about the potential effects on the team. I kind of have this feeling that if things go sour, it would be really awkward for awhile, but it would eventually be a null issue. You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?[quote]
Screw team chemistry this isn't work. If you don't make a move on her then someone else on your team will.

don't ask her out yet. You need to talk to this girl. Call her see whats she is doing and what she likes. Maybe toy with the idea of her friends and your friends going to the musical.

get her phone number. maybe be direct in that. other then that chat her up. The more shy she acts the more she is into you.


The main thing you need to do is talk to this girl and figure out what she likes and so on. Take a deep breath get her phone number and talk to her a few times on the phone. The longer you talk to her the more chemistry their likely is.

Perhaps, and I am trying to calm down, I just don't want to wait any longer (in case someone else acts first/she develops other plans).

I see what you're saying, but I've taken a few steps in that direction. Very recently I invited her and her friends to a movie with me and some of my friends.

I have a general idea of her likes already. I've known her for about two years now. She is interested into a lot of "fine arts" (musicals, operas, music, literature, etc.), so I thought a musical would be a good idea.

I already have her cell, but it's a bit weird talking to her on the phone. Like I've said, she's shy in general, and calling her just to chat seems just as overt as asking her to go to something with me. Is there a way to approach the conversation that would make it more "natural"?

And when/if I do ask her, I don't really intend to ask it with anything romantic attached. Obviously, the context is there (we all know what this Saturday is), but I wasn't planning to be too overt about it.

I've recently fallen in love with this girl, and for the first time, I feel like acting on it. I've got a couple of general questions though, so I would really appreciate some advice.

I'm thinking of asking her to go see our school's musical this Saturday. But I'm not really sure how to approach the whole deal. Anyways, I recognize that I'm probably overthinking this a lot, but this is the first time I'll ever have asked a girl out, and I've been driven crazy the past couple days. I would feel relieved to get some input though.

We're both in a competitive team activity, so I'm not too sure about the potential effects on the team. I kind of have this feeling that if things go sour, it would be really awkward for awhile, but it would eventually be a null issue. You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?

Generally when I see her, she's with her close friends. I suspect it would be really awkward asking her when she's with them, but then again, I only see her on her own once a day, so it would also be kind of awkward to ask her then. Lastly, I could call her and ask, but that feels kind of cowardly and I'm already not wanting to do that (I'd prefer asking her in front of her friends really). So how should I approach her?

When I do talk to her, should I start it out with formalities, or try to go straight to the point? I'm not the best at chatter, and she's rather introverted around people she's not very close to already, so I think it would probably be unnecessary? Am I right?

I'm thinking of asking her in a sort of open manner, like "Would you like to go see the musical with me Saturday night?" I don't really feel that any further specification would be helpful. And if her response is that she's going to see it with her friends that day (I think I heard her say something along those lines, but I'm not sure either way), would it be ok to ask her to go see a movie or something like that later that weekend? Or should I see it as sort of a flat "No"? Your thoughts?

And just as a sort of pre-emption, I recognize the general futility of high-school relationships. However, as of this last week, my logical faculties aren't working properly, and I don't really care. I've had "crushes" before, but I've never felt this strongly or been so overwhelmed, so I think it's probably best that I kind of admit it to her, even if she says no.

First off, don't listen to greed and death.

As to your questions:

1. Screw team chemistry. Unless you're looking for a scholarship, but it doesn't sound like it.

2. Try to catch her at the end of a class. If she's with her friends, ask her if you can talk to her for a moment (she should get the hint that this means "alone"). Face-to-face is better than the phone if for no other reason than you're less likely to be outright rejected.

3. Get straight to the point.

4. Suggest another activity if she's busy. If she continues to hedge ("Oh, I don't know, I might be doing something then... I'm really busy...") then take it as a flat "no" and let it go. One no doesn't mean "never ever"; five of them definitely do.

Good luck. :)

It could be. It depends how important "team chemistry" is to you.



I suggest showing up with a banjo under her bedroom window and singing her a song to show her just how much you really care.



Women love formalities. See the aforementioned banjo.



The formalities? Formalities are always necessary.



Women love persistence. You should ask her later that night, then early the next day, then later the next day, and so on until you've examined every minute of her potential weekend.



Never admit your true feelings right off the bat. They hate that. There's a dance and a game to this whole thing that has be played first. See my aforementioned suggestions.

I don't really think it'll be harmed all that much.

I'll ignore the banjo, I can't play it nor am I a good singer.

Of course I would start it off with at least some sort of greeting. What other "formalities" do I need to be saying?

Yeah, I was thinking about being somewhat persistence, but I don't want to seem to obsessed either.

I guess I said it wrong. If I asked her, it would imply that I liked her. I wouldn't actually say it.

*sniP "advice"*

You're just plain mean, you know that?

I don't really think it'll be harmed all that much.

I'll ignore the banjo, I can't play it nor am I a good singer.

Of course I would start it off with at least some sort of greeting. What other "formalities" do I need to be saying?

Yeah, I was thinking about being somewhat persistence, but I don't want to seem to obsessed either.

I guess I said it wrong. If I asked her, it would imply that I liked her. I wouldn't actually say it.

He was being silly. DO NOT be THAT persistent. See, this is why we need to figure out how to digitize sarcasm.

I don't really think it'll be harmed all that much.

Then go for it!

I'll ignore the banjo, I can't play it nor am I a good singer.

Better start learning. Women love it when you can play a musical instrument and sing, and a banjo is the best of the best for this sort of thing.


Of course I would start it off with at least some sort of greeting. What other "formalities" do I need to be saying?

Well, talking in 14th century English is a very classy way to ask someone on a date. You could also dress in fully formal attire - dress to impress, I always say.

Yeah, I was thinking about being somewhat persistence, but I don't want to seem to obsessed either.

Nah, you can fully examine a single weekend without being obsessive. Just ask what's going on on two available timeslots (for you) on each of friday, saturday, and sunday. That's only six times you have to ask for, which is not obsessive at all.

I guess I said it wrong. If I asked her, it would imply that I liked her. I wouldn't actually say it.

Nah. Don't worry about that. If there's any worry in your mind, you could play some hideous prank on her at the end of the night, then call up later to apologize. Women love a man who can laugh at himself and apologize for his mistakes.

First off, don't listen to greed and death.

As to your questions:

1. Screw team chemistry. Unless you're looking for a scholarship, but it doesn't sound like it.

2. Try to catch her at the end of a class. If she's with her friends, ask her if you can talk to her for a moment (she should get the hint that this means "alone"). Face-to-face is better than the phone if for no other reason than you're less likely to be outright rejected.

3. Get straight to the point.

4. Suggest another activity if she's busy. If she continues to hedge ("Oh, I don't know, I might be doing something then... I'm really busy...") then take it as a flat "no" and let it go. One no doesn't mean "never ever"; five of them definitely do.

Good luck. :)

1) Agreed.

2) I like that idea, I think that's how I'll approach it.

3) Tis my original plan.

4) Yeah, I was thinking along those lines. Though would it be weird if I asked her to some other activity on occasion (i.e. keep persisting)? I'm really not sure, I feel like doing so could turn out bad or good.

You're just plain mean, you know that?

He was being silly. DO NOT be THAT persistent. See, this is why we need to figure out how to digitize sarcasm.

Why must you rain on my parade?

Okay okay okay, I got it. You should call her an overgrown parasite.

She has no reason to get offended at that.

Okay okay okay, I got it. You should call her an overgrown parasite.

She has no reason to get offended at that.

Let it go man.

Why must you rain on my parade?

Ruining everyone's fun makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Or maybe that was the cotton balls.

Ruining everyone's fun makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Or maybe that was the cotton balls.

I was totally gonna have him under her window playing a banjo next week before you interfered. I was forseeing an arrest happening over a simple misunderstanding - caused by me.

I was totally gonna have him under her window playing a banjo next week before you interfered. I was forseeing an arrest happening over a simple misunderstanding - caused by me.

If it makes you feel better, it was less for his sake than hers. I made the mistake of going out with a guy once to be nice (and because he cornered me after class and I couldn't think fast enough--which is why I suggested it!) and he ended up calling my house 2-3 times a day for over a month. :(

Nail her sister/cousin.

If it makes you feel better, it was less for his sake than hers. I made the mistake of going out with a guy once to be nice (and because he cornered me after class and I couldn't think fast enough--which is why I suggested it!) and he ended up calling my house 2-3 times a day for over a month. :(

Rachel?

Let it go man.

Let what go? It's an interesting topic and sure to get her attention and spark a lively discussion about a completely non-negative subject. And, like anyone else, women love to talk about themselves, so it can only help the man's chances of a relationship with her. What could possibly go wrong? I mean unless she chose, of her own free will and purely because of her own silly sensitivity, to take offense - but I can't imagine that happening, can you?

Let what go? It's an interesting topic and sure to get her attention and spark a lively discussion about a completely non-negative subject. And, like anyone else, women love to talk about themselves, so it can only help the man's chances of a relationship with her. What could possibly go wrong? I mean unless she chose, of her own free will and purely because of her own silly sensitivity, to take offense - but I can't imagine that happening, can you?

Oh God. Trostia, for the last time, I may agree with your argument in that other thread - but that was in that other thread. I'm busy trying to get a teenager arrested and publicly humiliated here. Go make your own thread about it if you want.

Then go for it!



Better start learning. Women love it when you can play a musical instrument and sing, and a banjo is the best of the best for this sort of thing.




Well, talking in 14th century English is a very classy way to ask someone on a date. You could also dress in fully formal attire - dress to impress, I always say.



Nah, you can fully examine a single weekend without being obsessive. Just ask what's going on on two available timeslots (for you) on each of friday, saturday, and sunday. That's only six times you have to ask for, which is not obsessive at all.



Nah. Don't worry about that. If there's any worry in your mind, you could play some hideous prank on her at the end of the night, then call up later to apologize. Women love a man who can laugh at himself and apologize for his mistakes.

I suppose I'll have to learn the banjo in one week won't I?

I could drag out my suit, but it's a bother to iron dress clothes in the morning. Oh, and unfortunately, "...the droht of March had pershed to the rota" is the extent of my 14th century vocab (I am sorry for the misspellings).

Why stop at six, seven is prime right?

I suppose I'll have to learn the banjo in one week won't I?

I suppose I could drag out my suit, but it's a bother to iron dress clothes in the morning. Oh, and unfortunately, "...the droht of March had pershed to the rota" is the extent of my 14th century vocab (I am sorry for the misspellings).

Why stop at six, seven is prime right?

Dude, knock up her sister or cousin. Chicks dig that.

Oh God. Trostia, for the last time, I may agree with your argument in that other thread - but that was in that other thread. I'm busy trying to get a teenager arrested and publicly humiliated here. Go make your own thread about it if you want.

In my own defense, while I didn't catch the sarcasm immediately, I kind of ignored your advice.

I suppose I'll have to learn the banjo in one week won't I?

Technically, you only need to learn one song to pull this off.

I suppose I could drag out my suit, but it's a bother to iron dress clothes in the morning. Oh, and unfortunately, "...the droht of March had pershed to the rota" is the extent of my 14th century vocab (I am sorry for the misspellings).

Google is your best bet for this sort of thing - you can look up 14th century vocabulary and get the proper pronunciation. Also, if you have a full 3-piece suit, that's best.

Why stop at six, seven is prime right?

You make a valid point, but then you have to either do 3 requested times on saturday or 3 on sunday. If you're going to do that, saturday is probably better if she's religious, but sunday if she's really into sports and stuff.

In my own defense, while I didn't catch the sarcasm immediately, I kind of ignored your advice.

Damn! *wanders off to assault other threads*

Be confident, casual, and smile.

Just go straight to it and keep it simple.

"Hey X, you want to go see Y next week". If she says she's busy then leave it a few days and suggest something else. Works best one-on-one if you can manage it. If she rejects a couple then ask something open ended about her suggesting somewhere. If she dodges that then she's not interested. At that point just strip naked and seduce her with raw animal magnetism.

You may want to build up a resistance to mace, spray, tasers, and crotch kicks before trying that last part. LG runs a training course to help with that.

Oh God. Trostia, for the last time, I may agree with your argument in that other thread - but that was in that other thread. I'm busy trying to get a teenager arrested and publicly humiliated here. Go make your own thread about it if you want.

Hey, we're all on the same side here.

Hey, we're all on the same side here.

Yes we are. Now, how are we going to get this young man publicly humiliated? If it can be punctuated with an arrest, that's preferable.

Rachel?

I've asked you to stop calling me that. And to stop boiling my pets.

Yes we are. Now, how are we going to get this young man publicly humiliated? If it can be punctuated with an arrest, that's preferable.

Beer bongs usually do that trick for cheap.

I've asked you to stop calling me that. And to stop boiling my pets.

But they're so tasty! Hmm, I guess I could put them on the grill instead. I just haven't had money to buy charcoal for the grill lately. It's hard when you live in a van down by the river.

Yes we are. Now, how are we going to get this young man publicly humiliated? If it can be punctuated with an arrest, that's preferable.

It will be rather difficult now. The banjo + 14th century English = suspicious. I'm convinced you're either the ghost of Shakespeare or fucked up (chemically of course, people who intentionally offer random highschoolers bad advice are completely normal).

:p

It will be rather difficult now. The banjo + 14th century English = suspicious. I'm convinced you're either the ghost of Shakespeare or fucked up (chemically of course, people who intentionally offer random highschoolers bad advice are completely normal).

:p

Shakespeare lives in my bathroom. He's actually a really cool guy - he's had many names over the years. Shakespeare, Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, Ronald Reagan...

Anyway, he's the one that came up with the 14th century English. Although, technically he's from 16th century, so I don't know what he's on about. He's probably just hitting the pipe again.

As regards the bolded above, neither one of those individually is suspicious to you? Because, really, they should be.

Shakespeare lives in my bathroom. He's actually a really cool guy - he's had many names over the years. Shakespeare, Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa, Ronald Reagan...

Anyway, he's the one that came up with the 14th century English. Although, technically he's from 16th century, so I don't know what he's on about. He's probably just hitting the pipe again.

As regards the bolded above, neither one of those by themselves is suspicious to you? Because, really, they should be.

You should Fed-Ex Shakespeare to my house. I've always wanted to meet him.

Ah, see, I thought you were the one who proposed the 14th century English and Shakespeare the banjo. I thought Shakespeare was less incapacitated at the time, but I am wrong on occasion.

This is true. It's been awhile since I've been on NSG, so I guess my sarcasm detector is a bit rusty.

You mentioned that you thought you over-heard her say she was going with her pals. Don't ask then. Though you are not sure, there is a good chance you are right in assuming you heard correctly. Find a new activity. Do you have mutual friends? Ask them if they heard anything.

Ask her to lunch- before the event. It's is an easy way to feel her out. It sets the tone to go either way: just friends or more. You will know when you go. Let her set the tone and for gods sake pay attention to her body language!

If she is having fun, she may suggest you come along even. If she doesn't, don't worry that she isn't into you.

And just as a sort of pre-emption, I recognize the general futility of high-school relationships. However, as of this last week, my logical faculties aren't working properly, and I don't really care. I've had "crushes" before, but I've never felt this strongly or been so overwhelmed, so I think it's probably best that I kind of admit it to her, even if she says no.

Zayun2, have you considered what would happen if she says yes, and you are trapped in a relationship? You would have to buy her stuff, you would for all intents and purposes lose your time, your money, your freedom; you would have a female attached like a leech to you.

Do you really want that? Why not get your logical faculties back in order; I suggest playing Ride of the Valkyries really loud for at least an hour, that usually does the trick for me.

Disclaimer: I'm not a ladies' man. However, I have made plenty of mistakes that I can advise you to avoid.

1. Don't hesitate. Even nice women don't like hesitation, and most of them aren't nice, just like most guys aren't. Which brings me to my second point...

2. Don't be a nice guy. What I mean is, don't ever fall into the trap of believing that by being a good friend you can get anything more than friendship. It's a pain for you and it's a pain for her once she finds out that a good friend of her just wanted to get in her pants the whole time (or whatever other name you want to give it).

So just go and ask her. If she says no, move on and don't hang around. You'd just be setting yourself up for disaster.

But don't think about that now. No doubt, no hesitation. You want something, you go ask for it. Be matter of fact about it.

You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?

It all depends.

So how should I approach her?

Wait until she's alone.

When I do talk to her, should I start it out with formalities, or try to go straight to the point? I'm not the best at chatter, and she's rather introverted around people she's not very close to already, so I think it would probably be unnecessary? Am I right?

I'm very unconventional with this. That's not to say girls don't like formalities. I am an exception to that rule. If you're to tell me you like me, do so without ornamenting it too much. My advice is to study this lady. If you think she likes straightforwardness, approach her and be done with it. If not, bide your time and when you think it's right, ask her.

I'm thinking of asking her in a sort of open manner, like "Would you like to go see the musical with me Saturday night?" I don't really feel that any further specification would be helpful. And if her response is that she's going to see it with her friends that day (I think I heard her say something along those lines, but I'm not sure either way), would it be ok to ask her to go see a movie or something like that later that weekend? Or should I see it as sort of a flat "No"? Your thoughts?

Don't jump high before crossing the river. Don't immeidately think she will show you a negative. If you go on thinking like that, she'll percieve it and probably say no right away. Confidence is something you always need to show. Girls like that. Of course, don't be a smart ass or an arrogant person. Just show a good amount of confidence. Oh, and go with it. You're young, if this girl says no, there are more fish in the sea.:wink:

texting is the key, you can show confidence without actually being it. i really liked this girl since yr 7. and i only got with her in my last year of high school. we exchanged numbers at a party and we went from there. you just text and talk about random stuff, find out what she likes and what not. then eventually ask her to the cinema or whatnot. as you have been speaking to her for ages she should say yes. and then go from there.

its worked for me and i have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now :)


Yes we are. Now, how are we going to get this young man publicly humiliated? If it can be punctuated with an arrest, that's preferable.

o and if you want to publically humiliate the boy.... get him pissed as a fart and make him run into class naked and shake his willy about at everyone in a rotar type of fashion i call this maneuver the helicopter or if he gets a friend to do the excact same thing it becomes the chinook. he would be arrested for indecent exposure and publically humilliated for the rest of his life hahaha

Drink some alcohol.

If you still have questions...

Drink some more alcohol.

Come on now. You make this dating game sound so complicated. Let me provide the solution to all your dating problems, in the form of a minute-long musical number (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spKqw5uvwIc&feature=related)

wow, highschool angst, this seems familiar.

Come on now. You make this dating game sound so complicated. Let me provide the solution to all your dating problems, in the form of a minute-long musical number (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spKqw5uvwIc&feature=related)

I so prefer this... (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo)

:p

1st off your not in love. you have an infatuation.you must CALM DOWN if your even going to have a chance with her.

Quite true. Girls think crushes are cute, but in general they find initial intensive feelings like love to be "sketchy". You're better off toning down your outward emotions for awhile.

make it a group thing so have a few buds going and ask her and her friends to join. If only she can come have your friends conveniently get ditch you.

Not necessarily. If you KNOW her friends, then thats a great move. I've always been fortunate to have a large number of female friends who are more than willing to help me in this, and I've been quite successful in the past. However! I've moved in circles where her entire cadre of friends have had no interaction with me, so I tend to avoid them like he plague. Usually the best move is to try to get her alone. If you've never talked to her in the past though, you're not likely going to have any luck anyhow, but I'll get to that in a moment.
Don't play this as a romantic date yet. Get to know her. Since your inviting her friends ask in front of her friends

Again, I wouldn't advise asking her friends or in front of her friends. You'll be much better off talking to her about it alone. Again, if you do know her and have had some communication with the girl in the past, asking her to the musical might be a nice move. She will likely ask if some of her friends might attend, to which you respond of course and then alls well. My point is that asking about them going yourself is a bad move.


Screw team chemistry this isn't work. If you don't make a move on her then someone else on your team will.

I was a captain on my rowing team and dated a girl on the team as well. It isn't a problem whatsoever. And you need not worry about that anyhow. Screw the team.

wow, highschool angst, this seems familiar.

Still suffering the adult version Neo?

Well there's an update.

I have been turned down. Apparently, she had planned to go to it earlier this week (different day) with her friends. There wasn't an actual no though. I still feel surprisingly good today though.

So would it be ok to ask her to a movie or something else like that this weekend, or should I wait?

Well there's an update.

I have been turned down. Apparently, she had planned to go to it earlier this week (different day) with her friends. There wasn't an actual no though. I still feel surprisingly good today though.

So would it be ok to ask her to a movie or something else like that this weekend, or should I wait?

You failed to use the banjo and 14th century english didn't you?

That is why you fail.

Well there's an update.

I have been turned down. Apparently, she had planned to go to it earlier this week (different day) with her friends. There wasn't an actual no though. I still feel surprisingly good today though.

So would it be ok to ask her to a movie or something else like that this weekend, or should I wait?

Why wouldn't it be OK? Go for it.

I've recently fallen in love with this girl, and for the first time, I feel like acting on it. I've got a couple of general questions though, so I would really appreciate some advice.

I'm thinking of asking her to go see our school's musical this Saturday. But I'm not really sure how to approach the whole deal. Anyways, I recognize that I'm probably overthinking this a lot, but this is the first time I'll ever have asked a girl out, and I've been driven crazy the past couple days. I would feel relieved to get some input though.

We're both in a competitive team activity, so I'm not too sure about the potential effects on the team. I kind of have this feeling that if things go sour, it would be really awkward for awhile, but it would eventually be a null issue. You don't think the possibility of hurting "team chemistry" is large enough to warrant me not asking, right?

Generally when I see her, she's with her close friends. I suspect it would be really awkward asking her when she's with them, but then again, I only see her on her own once a day, so it would also be kind of awkward to ask her then. Lastly, I could call her and ask, but that feels kind of cowardly and I'm already not wanting to do that (I'd prefer asking her in front of her friends really). So how should I approach her?

When I do talk to her, should I start it out with formalities, or try to go straight to the point? I'm not the best at chatter, and she's rather introverted around people she's not very close to already, so I think it would probably be unnecessary? Am I right?

I'm thinking of asking her in a sort of open manner, like "Would you like to go see the musical with me Saturday night?" I don't really feel that any further specification would be helpful. And if her response is that she's going to see it with her friends that day (I think I heard her say something along those lines, but I'm not sure either way), would it be ok to ask her to go see a movie or something like that later that weekend? Or should I see it as sort of a flat "No"? Your thoughts?

And just as a sort of pre-emption, I recognize the general futility of high-school relationships. However, as of this last week, my logical faculties aren't working properly, and I don't really care. I've had "crushes" before, but I've never felt this strongly or been so overwhelmed, so I think it's probably best that I kind of admit it to her, even if she says no.

You are not in love, which you will realize if you do not see her for six months. You are either misinterpreting pheromones or you are a dreadful idealist.