NationStates Jolt Archive

Good ones, bad ones, silly ones, ones that work, ones that don't work, and ones that are so bad you were embarrassed by them. Its always a fun topic to talk about.

"Want to come over? I have a new bed." - I came up with that, never used it but I think it would at least be funny.

"What size do you wear? Because I'd really like to get into those pants."
And when it inevitably fails
"No seriously, do you think I'd look ok in that size?" :rolleyes:

"Whats a female like you doing at a Trekkie conversion?" - zzzing

"Whats a (man/woman/guy/girl/etc.) like you doing on a (plane/train/car/bus/etc.) like this?"

"The man at the ticket booth says I'm not big enough to ride the roller coaster alone, will you come with me?" - Worked, honest.

"I lost my number, can I have yours?"

Well, I've yet to use a pickup line.

Well, I've yet to use a pickup line.

I only use them when its funny, and usually I've already been talking to someone. Even if you never used one I bet you've heard some.

I think I got it from that guy that can't think of a name, it's at least from General:

'Does this smell like chloroform to you?'

I only use them when its funny, and usually I've already been talking to someone. Even if you never used one I bet you've heard some.

Actually, no. Reason being that my friends spend most of their time on a computer.

How u doin?

actually, no. Reason being that most of my friends spend most of their time on a computer.

1000111001010011001111001?

1000111001010011001111001?

I don't know Binary.

1000111001010011001111001?

Žs<
????

I don't know Binary.

http://www.paulschou.com/tools/xlate/

"Why have we had sex yet?"

One for the Welsh

"Can I drive you home?"

...

"No, I don't have a car but I do have got a couple of sheep dogs"

I quite like the classic "Hi!"

I swear, it really works. It's easy to remember, difficult to stuff up, easy to understand and makes you concentrate on what you're actually supposed to be doing, instead of remembering some inane formula.

I think I got it from that guy that can't think of a name, it's at least from General:

'Does this smell like chloroform to you?'
He also gave us the beauty of "Aww yeah, I'm gonna butter you like a corn cob."

"Your face and body exhibit high levels of symmetry!" and make sure you say it in a really loud voice. The real question is, who uses pick up lines to actually pick anyone up?

More pearls of wisdom from www.xkcd.com

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/pickup_lines.png

And, of course:

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/eggs.png

I have a big dick and lots of money.

*to her friend* Hey, do you like dancing? Go over there and dance so I can talk to your friend.

I quite like the classic "Hi!"

...hi *awkward silence*

I have only used two:

"So, um, can I ask you out?" (she said yes)

"Do you do Celtic History?" (she said no)

However, my favourite hypotheticals are:

(Only works if sitting next to them) "So, if you were a pirate, which shoulder would your parrot be on? This one <tap near shoulder> or this one <reach round back to opposite shoulder>?"

or

"My friends bet me I couldn't talk to the most beautiful women in the place. Wanna help me spend their money?"

...hi *awkward silence*
Hence why I said that you should be concentrating on the things you are meant to be doing. Like preventing awkward silences by making a genuine conversation happening, individualised, made up on the spot with the aim of learning as much as possible about the other person and making them see how good a catch you are. If you lack the skills or confidence to do that, no pickup line is going to help.

Hence why I said that you should be concentrating on the things you are meant to be doing. Like preventing awkward silences by making a genuine conversation happening, individualised, made up on the spot with the aim of learning as much as possible about the other person and making them see how good a catch you are. If you lack the skills or confidence to do that, no pickup line is going to help.

As has been pointed out in another thread, my only hope is on Facebook. That's riddled with problems, especially if I start sending out naked pictures of myself.

Although, last time I did that, 3 people died from shock and horror.

Hence why I said that you should be concentrating on the things you are meant to be doing. Like preventing awkward silences by making a genuine conversation happening, individualised, made up on the spot with the aim of learning as much as possible about the other person and making them see how good a catch you are. If you lack the skills or confidence to do that, no pickup line is going to help.

I usually say "hey do you mind if I join you" :p

call it lack of confidence if you will...I am prone to make a (usually) very offensive joke

As has been pointed out in another thread, my only hope is on Facebook. That's riddled with problems, especially if I start sending out naked pictures of myself.

Although, last time I did that, 3 people died from shock and horror.

that was YOU?

*eyes glaze over in horror*

(sorry bad joke)

"Do you do Celtic History?" (she said no)

Good one.

Has no one ever tried this classic line?

"HI, DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY CAR FOR A COUPLE OF UNCOMFORTABLE MINUTES AND HAVE DISAPPOINTINGLY LOW QUALITY INTERCOURSE?"

So... 'sup?

Rawlsian pick-up line:

"So, wanna come behind the veil of perception with me? I'll show you my thick conception of the good..."

Niche.

Rawlsian pick-up line:

"So, wanna come behind the veil of perception with me? I'll show you my thick conception of the good..."

Niche.

not as effective as asking people to help you out with your hedonistic calculus

"Excuse me, Miss. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

"Excuse me, Miss. Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Already had that one.

"Do you do Celtic History?" (she said no)

I don't get it :$

not as effective as asking people to help you out with your hedonistic calculus
John Stuart Mill's all about the ladies.

"You, me, a can of spray cream and nothing else. What do ya say?"

"You, me, a can of spray cream and nothing else. What do ya say?"

Get that from your mom?

Get that from your mom?

Nah, my mums are better. :(

Nah, my mums are better. :(

I know. She got me. :(

I know. She got me. :(

I wondered who that masked man was...

I wondered who that masked man was...

Well I didn't want to be seen going in there.

Biggest failure ever for me on a pickup line:
"I wish I was your English Homework, so you could take me home and do me on the table."
My response... "Oh, shit, we have English homework!"

Well I didn't want to be seen going in there.

Embaressed about who you sleep with? <.<

Embaressed about who you sleep with? <.<

Only your mom. That woman is so fat that when she puts on a raincoat, people yell "Taxi!"

Well I didn't want to be seen going in there.

You should wear a hardhat when you go spelunking.

"This world is covered in sin and misery, and I must cleanse it with purifying flame! But, first, may I buy you a drink?"

There's also: "I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies. (http://www.gotfuturama.com/Multimedia/EpisodeSounds/3ACV01/Sound7.mp3)"
I'm sometimes tempted to try that, just to see if anyone would get the reference.

"So, wanna come behind the veil of perception with me? I'll show you my thick conception of the good..."

Hey, no "controversial ethical elements", remember?

I'll show you my abstract economic rationality!

you should wear a hardhat when you go spelunking.

<---------------------------
<---------------------------

"If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?" ;)

To a waitress: "What time do you get off?" ... "Can I watch?"

"Ha! Mace just makes me hornier!"

"Hello, I find you very attractive and would like to have casual sex with you tonight. Interested? I have cookies." It might work.

It wasn't a pickup line exactly, but ...

*Guy I had the poor taste to go out with once.* ... "what do you mean you don't want to have sex with me? What are you, a lesbian?"
*Me, between spasms of laughter.* ... "No, you're a jerk."

http://randomwiki.pbwiki.com/f/adam+west1.bmp

"Hey Baby!....Want some of..Adam West's Penis"

Insulting hyperbole works better than joke lines, girls fall for that stupid crap, because they're stupid. :)

Insulting hyperbole works better than joke lines, girls fall for that stupid crap, because they're stupid. :)

Heh....

Me: "No, I'm just saying that if looks mattered I wouldn't be talking to you in the first place."

Her: "You are soo funny!"

True story....

Hence why I said that you should be concentrating on the things you are meant to be doing. Like preventing awkward silences by making a genuine conversation happening, individualised, made up on the spot with the aim of learning as much as possible about the other person and making them see how good a catch you are. If you lack the skills or confidence to do that, no pickup line is going to help.

I don't actually use those things, I just think they are funny.

Did you come here by yourself?
Good, i like a girl who can come by herself.


Or i'll just dangle my car keys in front of someone and say "yes, that 100,000 dollar Mercedes parked out front belongs to me".

Or i'll just dangle my car keys in front of someone and say "yes, that 100,000 dollar Mercedes parked out front belongs to me".

I'll bet money that works on occasion.

Well, I've yet to use a pickup line.

You know that is silly enough it just might work.

Nice pick up line WMU.

Has no one ever tried this classic line?

"HI, DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY CAR FOR A COUPLE OF UNCOMFORTABLE MINUTES AND HAVE DISAPPOINTINGLY LOW QUALITY INTERCOURSE?"

:D

Hence why I said that you should be concentrating on the things you are meant to be doing. Like preventing awkward silences by making a genuine conversation happening, individualised, made up on the spot with the aim of learning as much as possible about the other person and making them see how good a catch you are. If you lack the skills or confidence to do that, no pickup line is going to help.

In other words build up a rapport.

See the system works, that and if she shuts you down you can go on to the next one having wasted less time than other lines.

Biggest failure ever for me on a pickup line:
"I wish I was your English Homework, so you could take me home and do me on the table."
My response... "Oh, shit, we have English homework!"

She wasn't a looker than?

In a conveniance store earlier I walked up to the cashier to make my purchases and they asked "Would you like anything else?"
I replied, "Yeah your phone number."

Scribbled on the back of my reciept was 555-SorryImTaken

Has no one ever tried this classic line?

"HI, DO YOU WANT TO COME BACK TO MY CAR FOR A COUPLE OF UNCOMFORTABLE MINUTES AND HAVE DISAPPOINTINGLY LOW QUALITY INTERCOURSE?"Actually, yes, as wifey would attest. Every anniversary, whenever that is.

Is your father a chicken farmer? Cause you sure can raise my cock!

I lost my Virginity! Can I have yours?

I'll give you a Nickel to suck my pickle.

Those must be jelly because jam doesn't shake like that.

Then of course you duck.

"Look at my penis"

"Show me your boobs"

"Have sex with me right here, right now"

Thanks for the laughs!

The best pick up line I've ever had pulled on me was at a beach party one night. This girl, drunk off her ass, comes up to me and says, "Hey you, I remember you."

Me: "Oh?"

Her: "Oh yes. We smoked together one time."

Me: "Nope, sorry, I don't think thats it."

Her: "Ahh. Then we totally hooked up."

Me: "Nope, I don't think thats it either."

Her: "Oh...wanna change that?"

She wins, hands down.

The best pick up line I've ever had pulled on me was at a beach party one night. This girl, drunk off her ass, comes up to me and says, "Hey you, I remember you."

Me: "Oh?"

Her: "Oh yes. We smoked together one time."

Me: "Nope, sorry, I don't think thats it."

Her: "Ahh. Then we totally hooked up."

Me: "Nope, I don't think thats it either."

Her: "Oh...wanna change that?"

She wins, hands down.



Women have so much easier in the pickup line department.

I posted these in another thread recently, but since they're relevant here... They came up in a radio show I hosted some 20 years ago, back in the days when I had my own radio show. I'm fairly certain they were supposed to be a joke, but there was juuuuust enough ambiguity....

I drive a Porsche - wanna come and shift my gears?

I'm a man, you're a woman - wanna come back to my place and see how loud I can make you scream?

Come to daddy.... he's got a really big lollipop.

They call me Captain Kirk - wanna see the ship's log?

Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

"All other women are rough drafts. You are the final copy."

"How do you like your eggs in the morning - you can have them fertilised if you want"

I have never used that by the way, but always wanted to

Did you come here by yourself?
Good, i like a girl who can come by herself.


Or i'll just dangle my car keys in front of someone and say "yes, that 100,000 dollar Mercedes parked out front belongs to me".
and it doesnt bother you that she is not interested in you but only in your expensive car?

When a girl sits on your lap: now that you're in my pilot's seat, mind if I eject?

I used this one on Nanatsu with pleasant results:

Did you swallow a mirror, cause I can totally see myself inside of you.

I used this one on Nanatsu with pleasant results:

Did you swallow a mirror, cause I can totally see myself inside of you.

You certainly did not. Besides, I don't fall for idiocies like that one.:rolleyes:

You certainly did not. Besides, I don't fall for idiocies like that one.:rolleyes:

Just because you were drunk and it was dark in that club in Bilbao, doesn't excuse you.

Why would you turn down a good looking guy like me, besides?

Just because you were drunk and it was dark in that club in Bilbao, doesn't excuse you.

Why would you turn down a good looking guy like me, besides?

Drunkenness and darkness is when you have the greatest advantage, isn't it?

Just because you were drunk and it was dark in that club in Bilbao, doesn't excuse you.

Why would you turn down a good looking guy like me, besides?

Tell me something, since you seem to recall so much of that incident. Where is it that I live?

Tell me something, since you seem to recall so much of that incident. Where is it that I live?

I only got your first name, but since I told you my name was John, for all I know that was as fleeting at our lust.

Drunkenness and darkness is when you have the greatest advantage, isn't it?
Hey, even the greatest sportsman won't turn down a few unfair advantages every now and then.

I only got your first name, but since I told you my name was John, for all I know that was as fleeting at our lust.

I really tire of these tirades. I really am tired of them.

Ah, improv, is this?

e-stalking: the funniest pick up line ?

I've seen funnier, to be honest.

I only got your first name, but since I told you my name was John, for all I know that was as fleeting at our lust.


Hey, even the greatest sportsman won't turn down a few unfair advantages every now and then.

Ginnie, Ghost of Ayn Rand you ain't.

"My friends bet me I couldn't talk to the most beautiful women in the place. Wanna help me spend their money?"

"Ha! Mace just makes me hornier!"

Win

Ginnie, Ghost of Ayn Rand you ain't.

Indeed.

and it doesnt bother you that she is not interested in you but only in your expensive car?

Does it really matter if it is only an over nighter?

i got a good one!
a few actually:

Did you get arrested earlier?
I just thought it was illegal to look this cute.(clever!)

You must be a dictionary,because you add meaning to my life!

You must be a broom,because you just swept me off my feet.

Hey,something's wrong with my eyes!I can't take them off of you!

Hey,something's wrong with my eyes!I can't take them off of you!

Hah! Excellent first post.

Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?




Nice shoes, wanna fuck?

Ohh ohh errr umm ohh wait wait I got one.

Errr can I buy you a drink?

Ohh ohh errr umm ohh wait wait I got one.

Errr can I buy you a drink?

Where's the punchline?


Oh wait...

Where's the punchline?


Oh wait...

Heh I have never really been any good at pickup lines. My wife, well when I first met her I noticed her eyeing me up, and I went over to her and err just kissed her really, and I guess that was that.:D

Heh I have never really been any good at pickup lines. My wife, well when I first met her I noticed her eyeing me up, and I went over to her and err just kissed her really, and I guess that was that.:D

Hey, whatever works right? I use pickup lines when its funny, never seriously like some people do.

"Back in caveman days I could club you take you back to my cave. I miss those days."

Give me your phone number, or ill punch you in the face.
-shell either laugh her ass of or slap you

I want to lick your eyeball. It's pretty. KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN WHEN I LICK YOU.

I assume everybody knows these, but I include them anyway for the sake of being complete.

"Hey that dress looks great on you. It would look even better on the floor beside my bed."

"Hey that dress looks great on you. Know what would look even better on you? Me."

"My name is Chris. Remember it, you'll be screaming it later."

Ginnie, Ghost of Ayn Rand you ain't.

Amen to that, Darwy-sama.