NationStates Jolt Archive

I am herefore attempting to chronicle great "your mom" jokes. Fat, ugly, stupid, etc.

I will start off by reciting my favorite

"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I don't remember the rest but your mother's a whore."

Your mum's so ugly that when she walks into a bank they have to turn off the security cameras.

"Yo Harry, yo momma so fat when she sits around the house she sits around the house." - Hirohito

"Yo momma so hairy, Bigfoot takes pictures of her!"

Sometimes these are referred to as The Dozens.

"You wanna play The Dozens? Well, The Dozens is a game, but the way I fucked your mother is a god damn shame!" -George Carlin

Yo momma's so fat, when she steps on the scale, she says "Damn! Ain't that my phone number?"

Here's a great Yo Mamma fight.

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/3150121/8930769

"What sex position produces a fugly child?"

"I don't know. Which is it?"

"I don't know either, let's ask your mom."

Your mom's so lonely she moved her nation to your NS region! :p

Yo mama's so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out!
Yo mama's so ugly, she has to tie a pork chop around her neck just to get the dog to play with her!
Yo mama's so nasty she brings crabs to the beach!

Ladies and gentlemen, I refer you all to The Pharcyde (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgXkwiM0hIQ):

Ya mama is so fat (how fat is she?)
Ya mama is so big and fat that she can get busy
with twenty-two burritos, but times are rough
I seen her in the back of Taco Bell with handcuffs

Yo mama's so fat, her ass has it own congressman.

Yo mama's so fat, she mistook a school bus full of white kids for a twinkie

Your mama is so stupid that she got locked in a supermarket and starved to death.

Hear is one that a black friend said to me once. It really made no sense to me.

Your mom is so black, that when I shot a bullet at her, it came back and asked for a flashlight.

But my mom is rather white.

I am herefore attempting to chronicle great "your mom" jokes. Fat, ugly, stupid, etc.

I will start off by reciting my favorite

"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I don't remember the rest but your mother's a whore."

I'll take things Trebek's mother does for 500.

I'll take things Trebek's mother does for 500.

Finally - someone who knows where that joke came from.

I think it was "things Trebek sucks" though.

Finally - someone who knows where that joke came from.

I think it was "things Trebek sucks" though.

I know that one was changed to say something about trebek and one to say something about his mother. I think a final jeopardy category was about his mother. I know how you feel. I'm still waiting for someone to respond to my red vs blue quotes on moh on pc.

Your momas so fat, she doesnt have periods, she has low tides and high tides.

Yo momma's so underendowed her chest curves INWARDS. :eek:

because the your mom jokes are well known, here's a story that took it a step further.

I have 2 friends, Friend A was out of town, and needed some work done on his apartment. Friend B was asked to straighten his place up for him. So friend B leaves a note on his bed:

"Hello dear,
Tell your hot Polish friend I said thank you for the other night, and would love to see him again. Please send me his phone number as soon as you get this.
Love, Mom"

Your momma is so fat that the rest of us are worried about her health and that is why we called everyone together for this intervention. Your mother is ugly, too.

Your mom sure knows alot about the American Civil War. Of course, she was there at the time.

Your momma's so fat and old, the last time she tried to kill herself by jumping off a cliff, she wiped out the dinosaurs.

Your mommas so fat, her blood type is Aunt Jemima

Your mommas so fat, the Death Star had to shoot her twice!




* As far as i know i think that ones original by me but i could be wrong.

"Yo mamma so old she sat next to Jesus in the fourth grade!"

"Yo mamma so fat that when she stepped outside on a rainy day wearing a yellow raincoat people yelled Taxi!"


All better! And thanks :p

"Yo mamma so fat that when she stepped outside on a rainy day wearing a yellow raincoat people yelled taxis!"

I liked this one!

Should be "Taxi!" though

Yo mumma is so stupid that she climbed over a glass wall just to see what was on the other side.

Yo mama so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.

Yo mama so fat, they have to grease the doorway & hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

Yo mama so stupid, the first time she used a vibrator, she chipped 3 teeth.

Yo mama missing so many teeth, it looks like her tongue's in jail.

Yo mama so fat, she sweats Crisco.

Yo mama so ugly, I hang her picture in my car so my radio won't get stolen.

Yo mama so fat, when yo daddy climbs on top, his ears pop.

(My favorite) Yo mama so stupid, they had to burn down the school to get her out of 3rd grade.

Yo mama so old she waited tables at the last supper

Yo mama so ugly the psychiatrist asks her to lie face down

yo mama so ugly they put her face on a box of x-lax and sold it empty

yo mama's blood type is ragout.

I think the most wonderful thing about the Your Mother joke is it's versatility.

That said, I do think that your mother would be so large as to be mistaken for a mamallian creature known as a whale.

My Faves:

Yo mamma's so old, her SSN is -1.
Yo mamma's so fat, the Grand Canyon is her Asscrack!
Yo mamma's so black, night-vison goggles can't find her.
Yo mamma's so nasty, AIDS caught an STD from her.
Yo mamma's so stupid, she took a shit and thought it was you!

Yo mama's so hairy, she doesn't shave her legs, she mows them.
Yo mama's so stupid, she was afraid of your brother because she heard he was a cancer.

This thread is offensive. [/stating the obvious]

Yo mama's so fat, when she lays on the beach, greenpeace comes by to push her back into the sea.

My fav:

Your moma's so dumb she got hit by a parked car.

This thread is offensive. [/stating the obvious]

*prepare defensive positions!*
*Get ready to repel boarders boys!*

Your mamma is so hairy you were born with rug burns!

And the always classic (and classy): Your so ugly, the day you were born; the Doctor slapped your mom!

Your mom's so ugly, neither a benevolent creator God nor a stochastic process of evolution can reasonably explain her existence. Seriously, there is something fundamentally wrong with a universe where your mom is that ugly. I've got to go home and rethink my understanding of reality on account of your ugly momma. Jeez.

When I was fifteen I had a freind doing homework assignments with me at my house; at about 8 pm when we realized we were not going to finish out mousetrap car before he had to go home he called his house asking to stay the night. She wanted to talk to my mother (who wasn't home) so he handed the phone to me so I could explain the situation. After telling her, and getting her consent for my study buddy to stay over and her hanging up I shouted into the empty receiver "No! I will not have sex with you, I don't care how much you want to pay me!"

Your momma is so fat her escape velocity exceeds 10 to the 8 power meters per second.

Geekdom:
Your moma's so stupid zombies won't eat her brain.

Your momma is so fat her escape velocity exceeds 10 to the 8 power meters per second.
Not even a black hole could compress your momma into a singularity.

Not even a black hole could compress your momma into a singularity.

Bravo!

Your mother is so fat that when she let one rip, she created a universe.

Yo momma's butt is so big, when she backs up she beeps.

Yo momma's butt is so big, it's got little butts that orbit it.

Yo mama's so fat, they measure her farts in megatons.
Yo mama's so fat, everytime she gets off a metal bench, we have to fluff it.
Yo mama's so fat, when she ran away from home as a kid, she had to take the truck route.
Yo mama's so fat, she has a portrait done by Rand McNally.
Yo mama's so fat, her yearbook picture is on pages 42, 43, and 44.
Yo mama's so fat, when we attempted to climb on top of her, we had to set up a base camp at 15000 feet.
Yo mama's so fat, she has more rolls than a bakery.
Yo mama's so ugly, everytime she goes on tv, they have to blur out her face.
Yo mama's so ugly, prisons had to stop showing prisoners pictures of her because it was considered cruel and unusual punishment.
Yo mama's so ugly, she could turn Medusa to stone.
Yo mama's so stupid, she failed a blood test.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought breast cancer was a breast implant you get in early July.
Yo mama's so old, she fired the "shot heard 'round the world."\
Yo mama's so old and fat, when she farted, the fumes blocked out the sun and started the last major ica age.