NationStates Jolt Archive

I am now a fully ordained minister within the Universal Life Church and I recieved a new doctorate of divinity. Don't believe me? Check it out: http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination . I have the authority to get people married! What should I do with my new powers?

I know a couple myself. ULC 'ministers,' that is. They did nothing with it. Have fun.

You should preach to someone, start taking donations...dodge your taxes...that sort of thing...

Preside over the wedding of Osama Bin-Laden and Kim Jong-Il.

The voices in others peoples' heads tell me that they both support it. >_>

Marry gay couples illegally.

Start an Inquisition.

Start an Inquisition.

The Jews and strong women, ie witches, have always been popular targets.

Start an Inquisition.

Nobody expects the... ULC Inquisition!

Pull a 180 and aim the inquisition at prop 8 supporters. They deserve it!

Marry gay couples illegally.

Done!

Pull a 180 and aim the inquisition at prop 8 supporters. They deserve it!

"Convert" dead Mormons to another religion. See how they like it. :D

How about my anti WoW inquisition?

Pull a 180 and aim the inquisition at prop 8 supporters. They deserve it!

Will you join my branch of the ULC as Inquisitor?

Molest little boys. And glue some pubes to your face already damnit. Nothing says sex offender better than pubes... on your face.

The voices in others peoples' heads tell me that they both support it. >_>
Telepathic schizoid? Amazing! I'm amazed. There is a maze in my head, and I'm lost in it.
The Jews and strong women, ie witches, have always been popular targets.
I've known three witches, one was what I would term "strong."
Unless A=B;B=C;C=/=A. Then I am wrong.

Molest little boys. And glue some pubes to your face already damnit. Nothing says sex offender better than pubes... on your face.

Waiting for them to grow back!

Battle vampires. *nod*

Will you join my branch of the ULC as Inquisitor?

I'm just not the proper material for an inquisitor. Sorry.


I've known three witches, one was what I would term "strong."
Unless A=B;B=C;C=/=A. Then I am wrong.
Canadian = non-European.
Mexican = non-European.
Therefor Canadian = Mexican. :p

Condemn Ruffy as a heretical twit.

I've known three witches, one was what I would term "strong."Unless A=B;B=C;C=/=A. Then I am wrong.

Well it had more to do if there was a woman one wanted to die one would just label them a witch, a women who possesses supernatural powers through pacts with malevolent entities, than with actual witches, wise women/men of some pagan faith.

Canadian = non-European.
Mexican = non-European.
Therefor Canadian = Mexican. :p
I have failed. For the first time in my life, I have failed. Now where is that knife I keep for emergency seppuku purposes?

Tell people that the names of certain people and politicians you don't like (ie Bush, Obama, take your pick, I don't care) are "foul language" and should never be said.

Change Southern Baptist Dogma that makes them more socialist and liberal. :D

Is it too much for me to be NSG's spiritual leader?

Is it too much for me to be NSG's spiritual leader?

I think Zilam has dibs on that. You can be his assistant!

Is it too much for me to be NSG's spiritual leader?
We already have Lunatic Goofballs. Sorry.

Black Kids, is that being all emo in your avatar?

Black Kids, is that being all emo in your avatar?

Yes, yes it is.

Yes, yes it is.

Haha.

Black Kids, is that being all emo in your avatar?
I thought it looked more homeless than emo (The hood obscures any potential eye shadow). But, whatevs.

I thought it looked more homeless than emo (The hood obscures any potential eye shadow). But, whatevs.

Its a polka dot hoody. I doubt hobos wear those!

Its a polka dot hoody. I doubt hobos wear those!

I've seen many a hobo in such a getup!

Its a polka dot hoody. I doubt hobos wear those!
Hobos wear anything that'll keep them warm and can be bought a thrift store with their meager earning from a' workin' on the railroad all the live long dAAAAAAAAAAAAAy!

Eh, both live in cesspools!

Um, back on topic guys...

Well, from what I gather you could pretty much create your own theology (Joel Osteen, anyone?). So what will be the basic tenets of your church, regarding sacraments, interpretation of scriptures, liturgy, human nature, role the faithful must play in society, etc (even if you are not a Christian, some of this still holds, even though the terminology is most associated with Christianity).

http://www.themonastery.org/lib/ordination/credentialImages/colorTop.gif
http://www.themonastery.org/lib/ordination/credentialImages/colorMiddle.gif
Reverend
Gareth Gobulcoque
has been ordained this Saturday the 24th of January 2009 01:02:21 AM
http://www.themonastery.org/lib/ordination/credentialImages/colorSigBottom.gif
http://www.themonastery.org/lib/ordination/credentialImages/colorBottom.gif

I guess all I have to do now is present something like this to a county clerk and I'll be able to run my own drive-through chapel.

Yeah, we're all ministers now!

Öß!

Correction Brother Indri, that will not be accepted by the county clerk- it warns so on the certificate.

So, Black Kids what sort of theology would you preach? I am seriously interested!

Find Dick Cheney, and exorcise him.

I also heartily approve of the ULC inquisition targeting Prop 8 supporters.

The same thing everyone should do.

Start a realty TV show.

Correction Brother Indri, that will not be accepted by the county clerk- it warns so on the certificate.

So, Black Kids what sort of theology would you preach? I am seriously interested!

I would preach that marriage is sacred, and everyone whether gay or straight should be married due to god being love. I would preach that everyone is able to redeem themselves in the eyes of the lord. I would preach that the righteous of all nations whether christian or not are entitled to heaven. I would preach about a loving, caring god that does not condone us killing or fighting for god's name. A god that lets us learn from our mistakes and lets us run our lives as adults instead of children.

I would preach that marriage is sacred, and everyone whether gay or straight should be married due to god being love.

You should marry everyone to everyone else. Then you should make long sermons on how adultery is a sin.

What would be your position on Paganism and Wicca?

What would be your position on Paganism and Wicca?

I tolerate it and believe that pagans and wiccans have rights to worship. I believe that through any religion that offers them peace, they should go for it!

The Jews and strong women, ie witches, have always been popular targets.
Women were only really a big thing in Britain. In Iceland it was like 90% men who got put on trial and found to be warlocks.

I am now a fully ordained minister within the Universal Life Church and I recieved a new doctorate of divinity. Don't believe me? Check it out: http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination . I have the authority to get people married! What should I do with my new powers?

Stuff them?:D

I would preach that marriage is sacred, and everyone whether gay or straight should be married due to god being love. I would preach that everyone is able to redeem themselves in the eyes of the lord. I would preach that the righteous of all nations whether christian or not are entitled to heaven. I would preach about a loving, caring god that does not condone us killing or fighting for god's name. A god that lets us learn from our mistakes and lets us run our lives as adults instead of children.

Even if everyone else could be redeemed in jehovah's eyes, there's no way jehovah could be redeemed in everyone else's eyes.

Even if everyone else could be redeemed in jehovah's eyes, there's no way jehovah could be redeemed in everyone else's eyes.

I'll redeem jehova.

*begins cuting a penny in quarters*

I would preach that marriage is sacred, and everyone whether gay or straight should be married due to god being love. I would preach that everyone is able to redeem themselves in the eyes of the lord. I would preach that the righteous of all nations whether christian or not are entitled to heaven. I would preach about a loving, caring god that does not condone us killing or fighting for god's name. A god that lets us learn from our mistakes and lets us run our lives as adults instead of children.

I like it, now if I wasn't oposed to organized religion...

You should bless water and sell it to people as zombie deterent.

my friend did this a couple of weeks ago, i thought it would be funny to walk in his footsteps, but havent got around to it yet.
though we are in the process of finding someplace that we will call his church, even if it need be an old garden shed, that way he can legally get marriage certificates and start the marrying process, such as drunk friend to a toaster

I am now a fully ordained minister within the Universal Life Church and I recieved a new doctorate of divinity. Don't believe me? Check it out: http://www.themonastery.org/?destination=ordination . I have the authority to get people married! What should I do with my new powers?

Convert to Catholicism.