NationStates Jolt Archive

Inspired by the If you died tomorrow... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=577630) thread, which is too serious, I ask:

What's the funniest epitaph you have heard of, or want for yourself?

I'm going with Spike Milligan's gravestone: "I told you I was ill."

"The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna."

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b383/DrkHelmet/tempalbum/tombstone.jpg

http://mentalfloss.cachefly.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/rodney-dangerfield-tombstone.jpg

Funnier with pictures. Stone, flowers, all the trappings of tragedy ...

Let me mention the late Kerry Packer's recollection of clinical death: "Son, there's bloody nothing there."

Friends I am resting
Under this stone
Cold and uncaring
Kingly, alone
Younger than virtue
Older then youth
Ugly, as the unadorned truth

W. C. Fields

"All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."

Friends I am resting
Under this stone
Cold and uncaring
Kingly, alone
Younger than virtue
Older then youth
Ugly, as the unadorned truth

Epitaph Win!:D

Epitaph Win!:D

That's what i thought when I saw it.

That's what i thought when I saw it.

It is. In fact, this should be the standard form for epitaphs around the world. It makes one wonder who truly has the last laugh.

Another good one:

"Here lies the body of Lester Moore.
4 slugs from a 44.
No Les, no more."

When I'm in a sober mood, I worry, work and think.
When I'm in a drunken mood, I gamble, fight and drink.
But when my moods are over and my time has come to pass,
I hope I'm buried upside-down so the world can kiss my ass.

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b383/DrkHelmet/tempalbum/tombstone.jpg

*repossesses grave and plot*

I saw him charging
But missed my shot,
So now I'll be staying
in a Funeral Plot

I want a list of everyone i think is an asshole chiseled in granite on my headstone. Ill keep it updated every 6 months or so should it need to be used.


The following people are assholes :

My epitaph will be:

Respect to the man in the ice cream van!

My epitaph will be:

Respect to the man in the ice cream van!

Always love the Good Humor Man

My epitaph will be:

Respect to the man in the ice cream van!

He was the only man I truly loved.

/sigh

Mine shall read:

See you soon.

When I die, it'd be this:
*In really tiny print*
"Children of the World, if you can read this...

GET THE HELL OFF MY LAWN!"
:D

Hehe, I'd have my friends put in some motion sensors hooked up to a robotic arm, and when someone comes to my grave, I'll have a really small fine print on the bottom of my tomb stone. They'll have to kneel right over my grave to read it, which sets off the trigger and the arm pops out like a jack in the box.

I wonder how many Heart attacks that'll cause. :D

I hope mine doesn't say "Dead because there is still no cure for AIDS". Not that I have AIDS, but anything is possible in the future...

Hmm...

"Looking for a room mate. Apply today!"

"Here lies my organic body,
now bite my shiny metal ass."

Here lies a man named Zeke
Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek

"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine"

"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine"

Only if they have to use a super secret headstone decoder ring.

There's an actual Halloween tombstone. I laughed when I first saw it.

Here lies the last dog that crapped on my lawn.

The funniest one I ever heard was written in on the grave of the physicist Heisenburg. It said "He lies somewhere here". You have to know a little physics to understand it.

Here lies Lester Moore.

Four slugs

From a forty-four.

No Les

No More.



Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona

He was young

He was fair

But the Injuns

Raised his hair



Colorado

Bill Blake

Was hanged by mistake.



Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona

Here lays Butch.

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger

But slow on the draw.

England:

Here lies the body of

Thomas Kemp.

Who lived by wool

and died by hemp.

Bletchley, Bucks, England

http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b383/DrkHelmet/tempalbum/tombstone.jpg
I fucking love you.

The following people are assholes :
The Brevious

Here is my favourite

Erected to the memory of
JOHN PHILIPS
accidentally shot
as a mark of affection
by his brother

Only if they have to use a super secret headstone decoder ring.

I'll sell them at the funeral.

curiosity did not kill this cat
- studs turkil -

(my sig on another forum)

curiosity did not kill this cat
- studs turkil -

(my sig on another forum)
As compared to a cat sig?

Oh, btw, iirc, someone nominated you for Mod. Pretty cool. :)

As compared to a cat sig?

Oh, btw, iirc, someone nominated you for Mod. Pretty cool. :)

if my economic and technology situation were more reliably stable i'd have considered more seriously doing so, on a number of places i frequent. i'm always deeply appreciative of being considered.

Inspired by the If you died tomorrow... (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=577630) thread, which is too serious, I ask:

What's the funniest epitaph you have heard of, or want for yourself?

I'm going with Spike Milligan's gravestone: "I told you I was ill."

Actually his was in Gaelic because the Church didn't like it too much. :tongue:

There's one in a cemetery I walk through after school saying something along the lines of "The dead will rise again"...lovin' it.