NationStates Jolt Archive

BfC: This is supposed to be only for fun. I am perfectly aware that references I used are literary. I used metrical system (sorry I'm European). I also used the new international version of the Holy Bible, just for the sake of simplicity. You are welcome to notice mistakes and fix them. I did this on a hurry and only for fun. Maybe you could think of more solutions ? :$

CLAIM

Many believers claim that it is impossible to say what is God, but they are wrong and I can prove it with my flawless atheist logic. :hail:

Body Mass Index (BMI) is a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to both adult men and women. To calculate BMI of God we need to have certain attributes.

PART I

[HEIGHT]

ISAIAH 66:1

"Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool."

ISAIAH 6:1

"I saw the Lord seated on the throne, high and exalted"

Calculation:
When God sits on his throne that is in the heaven, his legs reach earth. So, Atmosphere of Earth (http://csep10.phys.utk.edu/astr161/lect/earth/atmosphere.gif), if God's throne is in the lower stratosphere just on the tip of tropopause, then it means that his legs extend to earth for approximately 18-20 km.

Picture nr.1 ;)
Vizualation (http://img389.imageshack.us/my.php?image=vizualization1hy6.jpg)

Now using standard human proportion system it is possible to calculate God height. Body proportions (http://www.worsleyschool.net/socialarts/body/body.JPG) Since we know the lenght of legs, which is 20x2=40km, then it means that the rest body is also 40km, where 30 km goes for the body and 10 km for the head.

Overall height of God is 80 km. So if he stands he can almost reach Ozone layer with his head. (Hmm... maybe that's what poking holes in it?)


PART II

[WEIGHT]

Using his height it is possible to calculate standard weight. A man of a height of 79,999,0 metres would weight 36265 kg to 36270 kg.

However,

GEN 32:22-32 Jacob wrestles with God and managed to pin him down.

This means that a) God cannot be too heavy, or Jacob wouldn't be able to hold him pinned and b) he cannot be too fat or Jacob wouldn't be able to grapple God's leg. So it means that God is very thin (prob. on extensive diet) and his weight is somewhere in between reasonable numbers. (for human beings)

Back to the book of ISAIAH (can't really remember where) there is a place where a guy gets a miraculous dream and saw God sitting on the temple. This means that if God really weighted 36 tons then that temple would've been obliterated under God's ass. (and one can argue that it was)

SOLUTION(s)

1) God can be Two Dimensional being, but then he would be subjected to huge atmospheric activities and would be wrapped like a carpet before he could even realize that. Therefore, solution 1 is dismissed.

2) He can be made from ultra tough material but ultra light at the same time. Something that we yet do not have in Mendelejev table. Since we do not have attributes of such material, then it is impossible to assume anything therefore solution 2 is dismissed as well.

3) His volume could be empty only his skin remaining. This would recude approx 99% of his weight and still make him structured enough resist atmospheric activities (or at least try to). Moreover, we've already discussed that God is under strict diet. This solution fits perfectly.

Therefore,

God's weight is between 352.65 kg to 362.7 kg.


PART III

BMI of GOD.

How to calculate BMI (http://www.whathealth.com/bmi/formula.html)

BMI of God = 352/80000^2 = 0.000000055

CONCLUSION:

Below 18.5 = Underweight. God is VERY underweight. Also, surprisingly, the answer is not 42. I guess hitch hiker was wrong.

Well, I'm convinced.

nil, null, zilch, zero! big friendly and invisible, has no "body mass" or any other kind of mass, because it is pure living spirit/soul. bigger then galaxies and more powerful then infinite super novas, but still zero tangible mass.

nil, null, zilch, zero! big friendly and invisible, has no "body mass" or any other kind of mass, because it is pure living spirit/soul. bigger then galaxies and more powerful then infinite super novas, but still zero tangible mass.

but then his feet is on the earth and his throne in the clouds? :rolleyes:

CONCLUSION:

Below 18.5 = Underweight. God is VERY underweight. Also, surprisingly, the answer is not 42. I guess hitch hiker was wrong.

I had always figured that god has an eating disorder.

but then his feet is on the earth and his throne in the clouds? :rolleyes:
pure poetic metaphor, otherwise known as bovine solid waste product.

I had always figured that god has an eating disorder.

Well if you had to listen to everyone murmuring to you, I guess, you would have similar problems too :D

pure poetic metaphor, otherwise known as bovine solid waste product.

But then the Bible is full of it and that makes the whole book bovine solid waste product. No?

My God!

I didn't know there were still Scholastics around!

Well if you had to listen to everyone murmuring to you, I guess, you would have similar problems too :D


I think If I were god I would develop alcoholism before I would get an eating disorder.

Must be why he wanted all those edible sacrifices.

Bravo well done.

But then the Bible is full of it and that makes the whole book bovine solid waste product. No?

for the most part, yes. or at least as those who use it as an instrument of persuasion would have it read.

i'm in no position to evaluate its EVERY word, but do find it a reasonable surmise that big friendly and invisible's existence is in no way dependent on that of ANY organized belief, and that certain includes christianity, and even more, what christianity has devolved into thanks in large measure to the deceptions of saul of tarsus, adopted into the christian library by the second mycean council, which, with mr gutinberg's invention, has come to be called christianity's "bible".

since christianity holds no copyright on god, nor does any other single system of belief, the point is less then entirely relivent. but thanx for making it anyway. i think.

nothing wrong with wanting our invisible friends to be happy. the problem comes with those who pretend to know what they want. only those IT chooses to be channeled by ever know that, and they only come along once every thousand years, give or take a few hundred, and this millinea's turn happened more then a hundred and fifty years ago.

He is pretty scrawny, but He can sure pack away the pizza during our monday night poker games!

9000, give or take a few.

>.>

good argument,apart from one thing...
its a terrible argument

Using his height it is possible to calculate standard weight. A man of a height of 79,999,0 metres would weight 36265 kg to 36270 kg.

-------------------------------------

BMI of God = 352/80000^2 = 0.000000055



Here's your problem: You used a linear formula to calculate weight according to height.

37 tonne god? the mass of the water in an olympic sized swimming pool is more than that (50m*25m*1.5m=1875T of water). So if a 80km high being had that mass, well you would prbably be looking at something with a density less than that of air.

Nice try though

(I'm an atheist, but I just don't like people abusing mathematical formulas)

nil, null, zilch, zero! big friendly and invisible, has no "body mass" or any other kind of mass, because it is pure living spirit/soul. bigger then galaxies and more powerful then infinite super novas, but still zero tangible mass.

That's why the FSM pwns God. Every time a spaghetto is made, the FSM increases its body mass.

Here's your problem: You used a linear formula to calculate weight according to height.

37 tonne god? the mass of the water in an olympic sized swimming pool is more than that (50m*25m*1.5m=1875T of water). So if a 80km high being had that mass, well you would prbably be looking at something with a density less than that of air.

Nice try though

(I'm an atheist, but I just don't like people abusing mathematical formulas)

Yeah I've noticed that now. Hmm... :hail:

Yeah I've noticed that now. Hmm... :hail:

Awesome! I'm being worshipped!

However, perhaps:
1. Assume god is a healthy weight (BMI=22)
2. Use this mass to calculate his gravitational influence of other things
3. Think up a way to blame climate change on him.

but then I would also need to assume that he is made from solid material, otherwise I would have an unbelievable headache because it would be impossible to calculate his mass to assess gravitational affects. Moreover, if he's going to be a massive solid object that is going to turn out to be very heavy, then weather will be the least of my problems. I would start worry how such a being doesn't crack the world to pieces.

but then I would also need to assume that he is made from solid material, otherwise I would have an unbelievable headache because it would be impossible to calculate his mass to assess gravitational affects. Moreover, if he's going to be a massive solid object that is going to turn out to be very heavy, then weather will be the least of my problems. I would start worry how such a being doesn't crack the world to pieces.

Simple. God is the Moon.

Simple. God is the Moon.

Don't be silly. The moon was made by aliens.

Maybe the aliens are god? This scientology thing is looking more and more credible.

Don't be silly. The moon was made by aliens.


What?

Don't be silly. The moon was made by aliens.

Maybe the aliens are god? This scientology thing is looking more and more credible.

Yeah. Just somehow God aliens are singular, not plural. Hmm... :rolleyes:

Yeah. Just somehow God aliens are singular, not plural. Hmm... :rolleyes:

The christian god is singular and plural.

Father, son and holy ghost and all that.

The christian god is singular and plural.

Father, son and holy ghost and all that.

So you mean there are 3 aliens?

So you mean there are 3 aliens?

There may be more. The others are just shy.

Shy aliens? Hmm. Don't seem to remember anything like that. Quick, I think we can patent this new concept !

God is an alien zombie cannibal!!??:eek:

God is an alien zombie cannibal!!??:eek:Hell, yeah! :hail:
Wait, what? :eek:

Don't be silly. The moon was made by aliens.

i fail to see how that prevents the moon from being god