NationStates Jolt Archive

GRAVITATIONAL CONSTANT REMAINS

Obama Presidency a Failure

The universal constant of gravitation, known as "G" to big-shot scientists and as 6.67300 × 10-11 m^3 kg-1 s-2, remains unchanged today.

Already just negative four weeks into Obama's presidency, political analysts and bloggers nationwide are disappointed by Obama's decision, which critics say is a reneging of Obama's campaign promises for change.

"I'm really let down," says Sam Smith, Representative (R) of Memphis, TN. "If he doesn't even alter empirical physical constants, what else will he do the same old Washington way?"

So far, however, Obama's administration has been very careful so far not to address the oversight.

"Of course he wouldn't admit he lied to the American people," says Susan Joe Smith of Bumhurt, OH. "But the fact is he did, and this is not the openness and transparency we were promised."

Obama's supporters remain hopeful, however, pointing out that while the new president has yet to fulfill all his campaign promises, there is still some time left before the next election.

"Well, that may be," says Derek the Construction Worker, "All I can say to that is, if he misses the boat on lowering the speed of light in a vacuum, we need to start thinking impeachment."

Just a little pseudo-Onion piece I kept thinking about and finally went about writing.

Obviously I am satiricizing the deliberate misconstruing of Obama's so-called promises, like "change" meaning "nothing can stay the same at all, anywhere!" or like "hope" meaning suddenly we're all supposed to be giddy optimists, or like "openness" meaning "nothing will be regulated anywhere."

It's also a bit of a problem in any situation where you got politicians using inspiring rhetoric or perhaps even platitudes. It's broad and vague, but everyone ignores this in favor of their own particular interpretation. Sadly this will apply to both sides, but right now - Obama not even being President yet - I think it's particularly humorous to see.

It's also kind of sad, that plenty of people out there are looking so hard that they'll interpret ANY thing he does (or doesn't do) to mean The Sky Is Falling. And I fear that some of them actually want Obama to fail just so they can be "right" and feel vindicated.

Once he's president, you can expect this kind of thing more often, and then it won't be nearly as funny or blatantly irrational. So I thought I'd get my licks in now before the honeymoon is over. :)

Thoughts?

i enjoyed it.

Much the same shit happened with every president there ever was, anyone who thinks they view things impartially is fooling themselves.

It was a nice read, funny, too.

Obama promised change and I still only have large bills. :(

Obama promised change and I still only have large bills. :(

Send them to me, I'll give you change. :p

I can think of at least four NSGers who are probably disappointed it wasn't a genuine news article.

:D

Send them to me, I'll give you change. :p

Yay! :D

Much the same shit happened with every president there ever was, anyone who thinks they view things impartially is fooling themselves.

Perhaps you could point some of this shit out, because I don't recall it being quite like this. Bush was criticized for what he did in office, not because he was being held to (physically) impossible standards based on such outlandish misconstruing of his 'campaign promises' immediately after the election.

Perhaps you could point some of this shit out, because I don't recall it being quite like this. Bush was criticized for what he did in office, not because he was being held to (physically) impossible standards based on such outlandish misconstruing of his 'campaign promises' immediately after the election.

When Barack Obama has eggs thrown at him during his inauguration complaints might be valid - sure that was over a 'stolen' election but George Bush was certainly heavily criticised for picking a hawkish defense when he'd said he wasn't for nation-building, there was compassionate conservatism that was heavily questioned and he also said he would reach out across the aisles for a bi-partisan administration.

Alas, pretty much all the accusations thrown at GwB were unfortunately true, check out this Onion article...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

It's almost frightening.

When Barack Obama has eggs thrown at him during his inauguration complaints might be valid

No, Obama doesn't need to have eggs thrown at him in order for criticisms of his presidency to be invalid and deliciously mock-worthy.

- sure that was over a 'stolen' election but

There is no but... The election scandal WAS a scandal and the complaints there were quite legitimate. That alone makes the situation incomparable.

George Bush was certainly heavily criticised for picking a hawkish defense when he'd said he wasn't for nation-building, there was compassionate conservatism that was heavily questioned and he also said he would reach out across the aisles for a bi-partisan administration.

Alas, pretty much all the accusations thrown at GwB were unfortunately true

The same cannot be said for much of the Nobama crowd these days, whose representatives on this forum at any rate, seem unable to pick between "He's going to destroy America and replace it with the Dark Lord's mind controlled minions of socialist Islamic Caliphate of Doom" or "Obama isn't changing everything, therefore he's changing nothing therefore he's a filthy liar!"

, check out this Onion article...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28784

It's almost frightening.

Heh.

Very very nice. E-Hats off to you.

Well done, Trostia. I like it. :D

Perhaps there should be a conservative campaign to have 'G' changed to 7.61946 to honour G Bush's birthday

He has made a change about the constant. It is now done with metric units :O OBAMA GOES TOO FAR !!!!

Just a little pseudo-Onion piece I kept thinking about and finally went about writing.


you might add a calculation of why G affects deeply the US economy. Higher G means higher fuel consumption for cars and airplanes, more overweight people, more houses falling down... if Obama wants to save the US economy he should be starting from the fundamentals: cut G!
;)

Btw this "G" was invented by some brit. Why should the US citizen still be under the weight of British oppression? Remember Bunker Hill! Down with G!
;)

What you don't realize is that the gravitational constant isn't actually that constant! It is actually higher the further north you and lower the further south you go (until you reach the equator).

Seeing as how the US already has Alaska, invading Canada would create no change and it would still have the same range of gravitational constants.

...but if they were to invade Mexico then they would have access to a lower gravitational constant!

Mark my sarcastic words! Mexico is the next target of US aggression!

wow, this post was made of fail due to me mixing up gravitational constant and gravitational force.

...

I was about to point you-know-what out, but you realised your fail before I could reply.

I was about to point you-know-what out, but you realised your fail before I could reply.

Well, I didn't want to discard the entire post I had written just because of a little error.

That wouldn't properly convey the meaning of my post ;)

Well, I didn't want to discard the entire post I had written just because of a little error.

That wouldn't properly convey the meaning of my post ;)

Also, it was appropriated, in its satyrical context.

Curse reality and its liberal bias! If we could change G then we'd win that war on terror.

I thought it was very enjoyable. Good job!

Curse reality and its liberal bias! If we could change G then we'd win that war on terror.

And the war on drugs!

Excellent.

Obama hasn't even started presiding the US de facto and people are saying his presidency's a failure? For heaven's sake.

Obama hasn't even started presiding the US de facto and people are saying his presidency's a failure? For heaven's sake.

You're surprised? Please, some nutjob's still trying to prove that Obama wasn't born in this country (and wasting SCOTUS's time with it), and I've actually heard people call for his impeachment already.

Obama hasn't even started presiding the US de facto and people are saying his presidency's a failure? For heaven's sake.

Please do not make fun of American politics, nor imply that our politics looks foolish. We are quite capable of making it look foolish ourselves.:tongue:

lol

Please do not make fun of American politics, nor imply that our politics looks foolish. We are quite capable of making it look foolish ourselves.:tongue:

Could you appoint Berlusconi for the US Senate, please? We need to get rid of him!

Could you appoint Berlusconi for the US Senate, please? We need to get rid of him!
I bet he has the money!

I bet he has the money!

I'm sure that Blagojevich would be happy to sell him a seat.

You're surprised? Please, some nutjob's still trying to prove that Obama wasn't born in this country (and wasting SCOTUS's time with it), and I've actually heard people call for his impeachment already.

I kind of am surprised. The guy hasn't started presiding and he's already being called a failure. It's sad, and absurd.

I kind of am surprised. The guy hasn't started presiding and he's already being called a failure. It's sad, and absurd.

Well, you know the OP is a joke, right?

Well, you know the OP is a joke, right?

I hope it is. If it's not, the US is far more lost than what I thought. And I mean this with no disrespect.

I don't understand.

I hope it is. If it's not, the US is far more lost than what I thought. And I mean this with no disrespect.

No, it is dear. It says so in the OP;)

No, it is dear. It says so in the OP;)

Fuck... I missed that.:eek2:

I hope it is. If it's not, the US is far more lost than what I thought. And I mean this with no disrespect.

Well, to be fair, the anecdote I heard about wanting to impeach Obama now was from some people who I suspect were just wanting revenge for the Left wanting to impeach Bush.

We're bad, and we've gotten worse in the last 20-25 years, but I have to believe we're not hopeless yet. I hope.

Well, to be fair, the anecdote I heard about wanting to impeach Obama now was from some people who I suspect were just wanting revenge for the Left wanting to impeach Bush.

We're bad, and we've gotten worse in the last 20-25 years, but I have to believe we're not hopeless yet. I hope.

I sure hope so, that you're not that bad. But at least, it seems, the OP was a joke.

I sure hope so, that you're not that bad. But at least, it seems, the OP was a joke.

Don't worry, sarcasm doesn't translate well to the written word.

I figured as much.....Same old shit, lol...

I'd hoped I made the article silly enough that no one could think it was real, that no one could really make such claims in earnest.

Sadly, even the impeachment thing... I had no idea people were actually already calling for it.

Truth is stranger than fiction. And sadder. :(

Sadly, even the impeachment thing... I had no idea people were actually already calling for it.

Truth is stranger than fiction. And sadder. :(

Well, so far no one credible has done so to my knowledge. Just the usual blogosphere wingnuts.

Obama promised change and I still only have large bills. :(

Since the OP brought up the Onion (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/black_guy_asks_nation_for_change) anyway...

Time to impeach congress and nobama.

Holy gravedig batman.