NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, I passed on an amusing anecdote to Callisdrun via IM not too long ago about fortune cookies and we both thought, hey, a topic about funny fortune cookies might be an interesting thing to try... so here I am; trying.


I am not sure how far around the western world fortune cookies are spread, I know that they aren't really an Asian thing, just something some pioneering Chinese person(s) in California thought up to improve their business. I often eat at a Chinese style (I say this because the most Chinese thing about it is the owners) Restaurant truth be told I started eating there because the waitress was attractive but now I eat there because I like the food, I have a few funny fortune cookie stories to share and I hope I am not alone:

I have a fortune from a cookie that I carry around with me everywhere I go in my wallet. I keep it with me for when I feel bad or am in a blue mood. It reads "Tastes like chicken." It makes me smile every time I read it.

One day after eating there I opened my cookie to find a message that read "Look in the right places and you will find good things." No sooner do I look up than I see that attractive waitress I mentioned earlier. Her and I both spent several minutes laughing about it.

Lastly, the most recent trip to the restaurant I had a date with me. My fortune cookie said, "Continue your present conversation and you will gain new wisdom."
As soon as I got done reading my cookie my date states, "I have to take a dump, where is the bathroom?" I almost choked on my glass of water from involuntary laughter.


Is there anyone else?
(No I didn't hold that against her)

That's not a one.

I have been to plenty of Chiese resturants over here in Blighty, but never once been given a fourtune cookie. Perhaps it is soley an American thing?

That's not a one.

I have been to plenty of Chiese resturants over here in Blighty, but never once been given a fourtune cookie. Perhaps it is soley an American thing?

Maybe?

That's not a one.

I have been to plenty of Chiese resturants over here in Blighty, but never once been given a fourtune cookie. Perhaps it is soley an American thing?

Odd, we get 'em in Canada. I can't recall any good ones, but I'm sure there have been.

Best one I've ever seen was from when my Hall of Residence had a Chinese New Year meal a couple of years ago. One of my mates broke open his fortune cookie and it read "What ever you do, there will be millions of people in this world better than you". We had a good old laugh at his expense, and still do.

That's not a one.

I have been to plenty of Chiese resturants over here in Blighty, but never once been given a fourtune cookie. Perhaps it is soley an American thing?

I had a Chinese the other day (admittedly from a takeaway) and got a fortune cookie in it.

I had a Chinese the other day (admittedly from a takeaway) and got a fortune cookie in it.

Had the Chinese man already eaten the cookie?

While I have had fortune cookies at some chinese restaurants I don't have anything funny to say about them.

"You are going to die some day," said the first cookie.
"There is no destiny but what you do," said the second.
"What the fuck? Existentialist baked goods," I thought, and then I realized that the food before me was rotting. Slowly, organically, this thing I had thought was the chicken of General Tso was turning into nothing. It already was nothing, and I began to fear that I was nothing, as well.

"You are going to die some day," said the first cookie.
"There is no destiny but what you do," said the second.
"What the fuck? Existentialist baked goods," I thought, and then I realized that the food before me was rotting. Slowly, organically, this thing I had thought was the chicken of General Tso was turning into nothing. It already was nothing, and I began to fear that I was nothing, as well.

I think you just need another drink.

"Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."
point for the reference.

As I mentioned to SaintB when we were talking about fortune cookies on IM, the funniest/creepiest one was when my friend got one that said (very strangely specifically) "You will travel to a foreign country soon." Two weeks later he moved to England.

The one I remember the most says simply: To those who feel, life is a tragedy. To those who think, it's a comedy.

"Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity."
point for the reference.

Really, Really, Big Man!

Really, Really, Big Man!
Point. And a cookie for an additional reference.

Much sweetness, I've been sugar-deprived lately.

I get them regularly with my Thai, and I've had two I remember very much.

The first one's just funny because of the slightly off English translation of "Du wirst einen alten Freund treffen" ("You'll meet an old friend") as "You'll meet an ancient friend" (fortune cookies are always German on one side and English on the other - at least one is usually horribly mangled). It was extra comical because I opened it shortly before going to see my boyfriend, who is ten years my senior and we joke about him being ancient sometimes.

The second one is rather tragic-comical (is that even a word?). The boyfriend and I had had a full day of arguing, which means there had been a problem he'd caused, I had mentioned it, he got angry and yelling for the remainder of the day because he was upset, and I fell into the trap of trying to calm and soothe him all day even though it was his fucking fault in the first place... Anyhow, so after hours of cajoling him into behaving like a decent human being again, we symbolically finished the row by going to that Thai place and got fortune cookies with it. He somehow thought I handed him the "wrong" cookie and blew his top off all over again.. while I ignored him and read my paper slip. It said: "You do well with diplomatic skills".

"Fortunate indeed is a man whose friends know the Heimlich manoeuvre"

Okay I just made that up

Here's (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=Bp4IGgQoVQE&e) a rather amusing little vid of Chinese folks discovering fortune cookies for the first time.

Well, I can't think of any off hand, but if you ever go out with a group, and you get the plate of fortune cookies, play this game...Read your fortune out loud and add, "between the sheets" at the end. It does not work with every fortune, but it works most of the time, and it ends the meal on a high note with much laughter and merriment! ;) :)

http://www.terrencemiao.com/funny/2005-04/That_wasn_t_chicken.jpg