NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok, so in the past I may have mentioned; I did stand up comedy. Well, I have invited to attened an ameture show at a small club in New Jersey if I can write 10 minutes of brand new original material I will be the closing act before the big headliner comedien (they are trying to get Mark Eddie) comes in; its sort of an honor...

My brand of stand up is generally innoffensive and revolves around proposing preposterous ideas and passing them off as well thought out and valid points. I just need a bit of.. inpsiration. So I was thinking of The Envireonment. I'd make fun of such issues as global warming (Its not a bad thing, it will lower the cost of heating bills), littering (If you take the cap off the Sobe bottle before you throw it out the car window, you're actually making a habitat for small animals and insects), and deforestation/desertification (I always liked a good cheesecake/scorpions need a place to live too!).

I guess I'm putting this up here because I was wondering if anyone from NS would like to read over a transcript of my jokes and perhaps listen to a recording or two of me reciting them for practice to give me any feedback, and the always important make sure that these jokes are truly original and not some kind of copy of someone else.

I'm also interested to know who else works/worked as a performer and what your experiences were.

I'd be happy to. If possible video would be even better, studies have shown that body language can help sell a joke.

I've done stand-up twice now. People haven't thrown things at me so I consider that a success. :)

If you want some ludicrous ideas, consider the statement: "Everything should have solar panels on it" and proceed from there. :)

I'd love to get in to stand up comedy. I could read some transcripts.

I may seem funny, but I steal most of my comedy. :(

I would listen to them, though the heating bills bit I have heard many times before, even I have used it.

I would listen to them, though the heating bills bit I have heard many times before, even I have used it.

I'm in the writing stages right now, that was all just tossed up without any actual planning or writing done. I'll have some stuff ready soonish I hope.

Video, I don't know that I could do, I lack a digital camera and or a place to upload it privately.

I'd be willing. I love me some humerz.

I'm in the writing stages right now, that was all just tossed up without any actual planning or writing done. I'll have some stuff ready soonish I hope.

Video, I don't know that I could do, I lack a digital camera and or a place to upload it privately.

Private videos? Is SaintB going to do the Paris Hilton? :p

And I know you were referring to another poster who said that but I wouldn't mind hearing just a recording or even reading the material, though some jokes sound better in the way it is said than what is said.

I could do with a good laugh.

I guess I'm putting this up here because I was wondering if anyone from NS would like to read over a transcript of my jokes and perhaps listen to a recording or two of me reciting them for practice to give me any feedback, and the always important make sure that these jokes are truly original and not some kind of copy of someone else.

I'm also interested to know who else works/worked as a performer and what your experiences were.

I'd like to help, sure. Check out putfile.com - you can upload audio and link to it here if you like. :)

In my experience watching about 40,000 hours of stand-up comedy on YouTube (exaggeration perhaps, but not by too much) and even attending a few shows, it's almost all about delivery: timing, emphasis, voice inflection, etc. are what people hear, far more than the actual words, even if your stuff is brilliant. There's no such thing as deadpan comedy if you're paying attention - the difference between Bob Newhart and Steven Wright, for example (both classed as deadpan comics) is clear. So audio would be the most helpful, I think.

I'd like to help, sure. Check out putfile.com - you can upload audio and link to it here if you like. :)

In my experience watching about 40,000 hours of stand-up comedy on YouTube (exaggeration perhaps, but not by too much) and even attending a few shows, it's almost all about delivery: timing, emphasis, voice inflection, etc. are what people hear, far more than the actual words, even if your stuff is brilliant. There's no such thing as deadpan comedy if you're paying attention - the difference between Bob Newhart and Steven Wright, for example (both classed as deadpan comics) is clear. So audio would be the most helpful, I think.

I know about all that, I was a comedian for a year or so... not a great but I was funny. Delivery and timing are what makes the joke for sure that's why i want to use audio, I do the physical stuff on a whim.

Ok, no one else? I got about 2.5 minutes of jokes written last night but nothing totally complete.

Ok, no one else? I got about 2.5 minutes of jokes written last night but nothing totally complete.

Well, I could read some.

Ok, so in the past I may have mentioned; I did stand up comedy. Well, I have invited to attened an ameture show at a small club in New Jersey if I can write 10 minutes of brand new original material I will be the closing act before the big headliner comedien (they are trying to get Mark Eddie) comes in; its sort of an honor...

My brand of stand up is generally innoffensive and revolves around proposing preposterous ideas and passing them off as well thought out and valid points. I just need a bit of.. inpsiration. So I was thinking of The Envireonment. I'd make fun of such issues as global warming (Its not a bad thing, it will lower the cost of heating bills), littering (If you take the cap off the Sobe bottle before you throw it out the car window, you're actually making a habitat for small animals and insects), and deforestation/desertification (I always liked a good cheesecake/scorpions need a place to live too!).

I guess I'm putting this up here because I was wondering if anyone from NS would like to read over a transcript of my jokes and perhaps listen to a recording or two of me reciting them for practice to give me any feedback, and the always important make sure that these jokes are truly original and not some kind of copy of someone else.

I'm also interested to know who else works/worked as a performer and what your experiences were.

Meh to my mind I think comedy should never be censored, okay of course I'm well aware that not all people think like that but, honestly if it's funny it's funny yeah?

Meh to my mind I think comedy should never be censored, okay of course I'm well aware that not all people think like that but, honestly if it's funny it's funny yeah?

That's how I think too, but my style developed because nobody else seemed to do it and its very hard for a white comedian short of guys like George Carlin and Dennis Leary to say certain things without causing trouble (I know...)

That's how I think too, but my style developed because nobody else seemed to do it and its very hard for a white comedian short of guys like George Carlin and Dennis Leary to say certain things without causing trouble (I know...)

Nobody seems to do it? Shit have you not seen that show 'argumental'?

Nobody seems to do it? Shit have you not seen that show 'argumental'?

I said seemed, and I was referring to my performance area. Most of the other comedians all used a Lewis Black or Chris Rock approach to it.. just being angry.

I said seemed, and I was referring to my performance area. Most of the other comedians all used a Lewis Black or Chris Rock approach to it.. just being angry.

Ahhh past tense, well forgive me then.

Ahhh past tense, well forgive me then.

Whats to forgive?

Whats to forgive?

My lack of reading comprehension?

To be honest after 3 years of not being on stage I wonder if I should even do it...

My lack of reading comprehension?

That is between you and god my friend.

That is between you and god my friend.

Heh well my faith is not one that is big on confessional, but dear god please forgive my inability to reconise past tense when I read it!

There is really a conspiracy in the scientiffic community, they are trying to surpress the knowledge that the tectonic plates are infacet carried on the backs of giant sea turtles

Stupid puns, maybe?

He tried that, ten times, hoping at least one of those jokes would get a laugh, but...
no pun in ten did.

"So lets get serious for a few moments. I have begun to beleive that everytime I get up in front of a crowed I should talk about something important and leave a positive message in the minds of my audience. Now I know this has been beet to hell... but I want to talk to you all about global warming."

"In case you havn't noticed, its been getting warmer around here... 65 degrees on a fall night in November. What I have to say here is..."

"Let it!"

"The price of fuel is getting rediculous, if the temperature increases just a little bit more I won't ever have to run my heater, thats saving about $1,000 a year right there! Imagine how much oil we'll save if the average temperature goes up another 5 degrees!"

"But really now, this climate change is a bad thing..."

"If you like ice fishing..."


Since I wrote this (the day or two before I wrote this thread actually) these jokes became irrelevant.

It has snowed, a lot.

The price of gas went down as much as a dollar.

I lost my train of thought

And I can't find any inspiration.

"So lets get serious for a few moments. I have begun to beleive that everytime I get up in front of a crowed I should talk about something important and leave a positive message in the minds of my audience. Now I know this has been beet to hell... but I want to talk to you all about global warming."

"In case you havn't noticed, its been getting warmer around here... 65 degrees on a fall night in November. What I have to say here is..."

"Let it!"

"The price of fuel is getting rediculous, if the temperature increases just a little bit more I won't ever have to run my heater, thats saving about $1,000 a year right there! Imagine how much oil we'll save if the average temperature goes up another 5 degrees!"

"But really now, this climate change is a bad thing..."

"If you like ice fishing..."


Since I wrote this (the day or two before I wrote this thread actually) these jokes became irrelevant.

It has snowed, a lot.

The price of gas went down as much as a dollar.

I lost my train of thought

And I can't find any inspiration.

I can see that you do have a problem with the jokes...

I can see that you do have a problem with the jokes...

Yep. I already said in another thread I have to call them and tell them to give the spot to someone else.

Yep. I already said in another thread I have to call them and tell them to give the spot to someone else.

Read it. When's the comedy show?

Read it. When's the comedy show?

December 12th. I wouldn't be able to afford to go to Jersey anyway so its lose lose lose.

December 12th. I wouldn't be able to afford to go to Jersey anyway so its lose lose lose.

You still have some time, B-tan. Try it. I know that in my place it sounds easy to say try it, but on the contrary, you got nothing to lose and all to win. Maybe this comedy show will be the trempoline to better things. And by your mood in the past few days, those better things are one you truly need.

You still have some time, B-tan. Try it. I know that in my place it sounds easy to say try it, but on the contrary, you got nothing to lose and all to win. Maybe this comedy show will be the trempoline to better things. And by your mood in the past few days, those better things are one you truly need.

They need a 10 minute read tomorow before midnight, I was supposed to phone it in to them. I'd have to write 10 minutes of relevant material and I work in the meantime, I'd have to fit all that writing in between midnight and whenever I can't stay awake anymore, which is probbaly shortly after midnight. And I work from noon to 8 pm tomorow.

Who needs jokes? Just tell a rambling slice of life monologue that goes nowhere and ends with graphic violence directed against your person (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnhT1UdNEa4&feature=related).

"So, the other day I was sorting my mixed nuts. I don't like the way that they get all mixed together; it confuses the social order, you know. If you let stuff like that go on before your face, all sorts of things can go on behind your back. My mother, for instance, bought a container of pre-mixed Cinnamon and Sugar, and three days later the oven filled itself with cans of gasoline, turned itself on, and destroyed the entire house! If mom hadn't taken out a new insurance policy the week before, we'd have been in a lot of trouble. She was always one step ahead of the game, my mom."

Or maybe not. But you should go through with it anyway. The worst that could happen is that I'll figure out where this is taking place, track you down and throw things at you. The chances of that are very small, though, as I have other plans for the 12th.

They need a 10 minute read tomorow before midnight, I was supposed to phone it in to them. I'd have to write 10 minutes of relevant material and I work in the meantime, I'd have to fit all that writing in between midnight and whenever I can't stay awake anymore, which is probbaly shortly after midnight. And I work from noon to 8 pm tomorow.

I see. Then, perhaps, another time will work for you. I am sorry though, that you were blocked and couldn't get enough inspiration. But that happens all the time.

Who needs jokes? Just tell a rambling slice of life monologue that goes nowhere and ends with graphic violence directed against your person (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnhT1UdNEa4&feature=related).

"So, the other day I was sorting my mixed nuts. I don't like the way that they get all mixed together; it confuses the social order, you know. If you let stuff like that go on before your face, all sorts of things can go on behind your back. My mother, for instance, bought a container of pre-mixed Cinnamon and Sugar, and three days later the oven filled itself with cans of gasoline, turned itself on, and destroyed the entire house! If mom hadn't taken out a new insurance policy the week before, we'd have been in a lot of trouble. She was always one step ahead of the game, my mom."

Or maybe not. But you should go through with it anyway. The worst that could happen is that I'll figure out where this is taking place, track you down and throw things at you. The chances of that are very small, though, as I have other plans for the 12th.

You're a genius! I don't need to write anything, I could talk about my sex life... thats one of the biggest jokes of all time!

Hillary as Secretary of State? Bill Clinton WILL BE the next UN head. Load your weapons. Hide your guns. Something wicked this way comes.

Hillary as Secretary of State? Bill Clinton WILL BE the next UN head. Load your weapons. Hide your guns. Something wicked this way comes.

Huh?

OK, I'm here now and reading the thread.

As to the OP, is moving down the ticket an option? Massively inconvenient for the other support acts ... but they move up the ticket and they should appreciate that. They'll have to move up anyway, if you cancel.

OK, I'm here now and reading the thread.

As to the OP, is moving down the ticket an option? Massively inconvenient for the other support acts ... but they move up the ticket and they should appreciate that. They'll have to move up anyway, if you cancel.

Not really, I was to be the third act of the evening. I would have 10 minutes on stage where I would introduce the real attraction for the night. The other two were basically fillers, they are local to that area and are I guess the club's in house comedians.

Who needs jokes? Just tell a rambling slice of life monologue that goes nowhere and ends with graphic violence directed against your person (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GnhT1UdNEa4&feature=related).

"So, the other day I was sorting my mixed nuts. I don't like the way that they get all mixed together; it confuses the social order, you know. If you let stuff like that go on before your face, all sorts of things can go on behind your back. My mother, for instance, bought a container of pre-mixed Cinnamon and Sugar, and three days later the oven filled itself with cans of gasoline, turned itself on, and destroyed the entire house! If mom hadn't taken out a new insurance policy the week before, we'd have been in a lot of trouble. She was always one step ahead of the game, my mom."

Or maybe not. But you should go through with it anyway. The worst that could happen is that I'll figure out where this is taking place, track you down and throw things at you. The chances of that are very small, though, as I have other plans for the 12th.

You're a genius! I don't need to write anything, I could talk about my sex life... thats one of the biggest jokes of all time!

Could work. Start with the nudge-nudge, the boasting tone, and tell a story of complete rejection and failure.

Then your audience is hurting, they're horribly embarrassed, and they'll laugh at anything to escape from the idea that you were being serious.

==========

Hillary as Secretary of State? Bill Clinton WILL BE the next UN head. Load your weapons. Hide your guns. Something wicked this way comes.

Nope, that is not workable parody.

That shit will get your gig raided by Homeland Security.

I want to read your stuff, SaintB. Audio not necessary.

TG, PM or email.