NationStates Jolt Archive

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?

You'll know if I spontaneously combust.

Ask them the ultimate question.
If the answer is not 42, they fail. :p

When Jesus returns, he'll prove it's him by giving me a coffee mug. :D

presumably god would have no difficulty proving his presence.

Easy - read Revelations! It's all simply spelled out in an easy-to-understand-not-open-to-wildly-different-interpretations-sort-of-way!

Basically, you just have to wait until the world has really gone to shit. (Yeah, thanks Jesus, you could have turned up sooner.....). Then find someone that claims to be Jesus. If they have '666' on them, then they're not. Repeat until sure.

Easy - read Revelations! It's all simply spelled out in an easy-to-understand-not-open-to-wildly-different-interpretations-sort-of-way!

Basically, you just have to wait until the world has really gone to shit. (Yeah, thanks Jesus, you could have turned up sooner.....). Then find someone that claims to be Jesus. If they have '666' on them, then they're not. Repeat until sure.
But the world has "gone to shit". I guess when everything blows up and is on fire, he would be the only person not burning... But there's too much margin for error there. Can the Antichrist burn?

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?
See if He wants putting up for the night, :)

Wait, how would the Cosmic-Jewish-Zombie judge the dead.. @_@

Wait, how would the Cosmic-Jewish-Zombie judge the dead.. @_@Something about something about being the son of God, but also being God.
...what?

Heaven or Hell? That is the question.

Heaven or Hell? That is the question.

Hell. I like my parties to be rough and rowdy.

But the world has "gone to shit". I guess when everything blows up and is on fire, he would be the only person not burning... But there's too much margin for error there. Can the Antichrist burn?

Sigged for being one of the best questions I have ever heard. In truth, it deserves a topic of its own!


The world hasn't gone to shit - but members of religions who WANT the end of days and rapture to be upon us, would naturally want to think so. I think the world is a lot nicer than it was 2,000 years ago, for the average person.

But the world has "gone to shit".

Not really. Overall, all things considered, this is one of the most peaceful times in history.

Hell. I like my parties to be rough and rowdy.

For some reason, I misread 'parties' for an article of clothing.

Probably because I just read the whole 'First date' thread in one go, and need to calm down :$

Sigged for being one of the best questions I have ever heard. In truth, it deserves a topic of its own!Thank you, I thought it had to be asked.

Seriously, does Satan burn like the rest of the lot in hell? Probably not, so would the Antichrist burn from any flame then natural or any other type, whatever that may be? Would Jesus (same question)? How would we know who's who?

It will be a cold day in hell before ol Jesusatron returns.

I read a book once about some monks in the middle ages about them saying that women who wore makeup go to hell. It was followed with a very funny caption image.

"If i'm going to hell, I wanna look nice when I get there!" :D

Not really. Overall, all things considered, this is one of the most peaceful times in history. Minus all the wars that are currently taking place or have within the past ten years.

It's quite peaceful when you're 1000s of miles away from the nearest battlefield.

Ok, so maybe it's a bit more peaceful - not so much violence, like, how parents can't beat their kids...who then go and shoot up their schools...

You'll know it's Jesus because He'll be walking next to some guy with an arrow on his t-shirt pointing at Him with the words, "I'm with Jesus". :D

In truth, it deserves a topic of its own!I just made it a topic.

Minus all the wars that are currently taking place or have within the past ten years.

It's quite peaceful when you're 1000s of miles away from the nearest battlefield.

Ok, so maybe it's a bit more peaceful - not so much violence, like, how parents can't beat their kids...who then go and shoot up their schools...

Please, please, PLEASE go study some history before you go demonstrating your ignorance again.

Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?

Don't worry, because there is no god. :rolleyes:

Has Jesussaves returned???

One word tells it all. That word is Tribulation. The rapture is coming soon. Read revelation. Not just one part. THE WHOLE BOOK!:mad:

Don't worry, because there is no god. :rolleyes:It's true that humans are the only species to have religion, but do we know? The thought of a God gives us something to believe in and put our faith in, but do we actually know if there is a God or not?

It's true that humans are the only species to have religion, but do we know? The thought of a God gives us something to believe in and put our faith in, but do we actually know if there is a God or not?

We can make an educated guess... usually we assume the absence of anything that has no evidence for its existence. Like that teapot that is currently in orbit around Mars.

It's true that humans are the only species to have religion, but do we know? The thought of a God gives us something to believe in and put our faith in, but do we actually know if there is a God or not?

He would have probably made this world a better place. :D

It's true that humans are the only species to have religion, but do we know? The thought of a God gives us something to believe in and put our faith in, but do we actually know if there is a God or not?

I wonder if God knows that we even exist, let alone us knowing if God exists?

I wonder if God knows that we even exist, let alone us knowing if God exists?Well, the Bible says that he created us in his own image... It is possible that he like the aliens batter than us. We may have become the toy in the bottom of the closet for him. The one that you don't remember until you throw it in the trash. Wait, He's throwing us in the trash now?

We can make an educated guess... usually we assume the absence of anything that has no evidence for its existence. Like that teapot that is currently in orbit around Mars.

I wondered where that bloody thing had got to.:rolleyes:

Well, the Bible says that he created us in his own image... It is possible that he like the aliens batter than us. We may have become the toy in the bottom of the closet for him. The one that you don't remember until you throw it in the trash. Wait, He's throwing us in the trash now?

And other books and stories say that we were drifting into the world on a giant turtle, that we were salty slime dripped from the tip of a sword, that we were blown into existence on a big white cloud, etc.
Some of those involve some entity creating us, others don't. So who's right?

Well, the Bible says that he created us in his own image... It is possible that he like the aliens batter than us. We may have become the toy in the bottom of the closet for him. The one that you don't remember until you throw it in the trash. Wait, He's throwing us in the trash now?

Makes sense, would explain why our part of the universe is nothing but shitty dust clouds and the occaisional black hole.
I mean if you made a universe, would you not put the black holes away from the planets with life on them?
Our planet must be one of many rejected for one reason for another. sure people are right there's a God, but he doesn't give a fuck about us.

If (when [not bloody likely]) good ol' Jesus returns I want to know how he'd cope with this modern world of ours. Way back when all people pretty much did was staple each other to various objects. Today we've got iPhones. Imagine how that would blow his mind. Literally. Kaboom... brain matter everywhere.

Well, Isn't he in Heaven with God, looking down at us? I'm sure he would know about the new tech. However, using it, maybe not.

Hell. I like my parties to be rough and rowdy.

Assuming Heaven isn't?;)

Jesus won't be coming back in a friendly way. When He comes back, He'll be kicking some serious sinner *ss, and the world (living and dead) will stand in judgment.

Chuck Norris is Jesus?

That would be a funny picture, Jesus kicking ass...

Sure people are right there's a God, but he doesn't give a fuck about us.

"When you do things just right, people won't believe you even exist at all."

Assuming Heaven isn't?;)

After reading some descriptions on Heaven, I have come to the conclusion that Hell has far more options where it comes to fun, to offer the Hellian resident.

I mean, if Satan looks anything like Elizabeth Berkley in a red, leather outfit, I could/would lick her boots. And to be this evil, as Satan is thought out to be, it has to be a woman. It has to!

That would be a funny picture, Jesus kicking ass...

Beard: Check
Ass-Kicking ability: Check
Invulnerability: Check

It's obvious.... Jesus has returned...... and he's Chuck Norris

Long Hair: Fail

Sorry, you were close though...

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:unMXyODG1XSZCM:http://bp3.blogger.com/_lV1lV2tXZ9s/Rm3Tpff7tfI/AAAAAAAAABE/phHcvfVD47M/s320/jesus-chuck.jpg

http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:unMXyODG1XSZCM:http://bp3.blogger.com/_lV1lV2tXZ9s/Rm3Tpff7tfI/AAAAAAAAABE/phHcvfVD47M/s320/jesus-chuck.jpg

The holy ghost returns! :eek:

Long Hair: Fail

Sorry, you were close though...

It was a disguise. Jesus realised pretty quickly that people would recognise him in his new incarnation, so he went back in time and started wearing a wig everywhere.

Duh.

Hell. I like my parties to be rough and rowdy.

Hell. It has more interesting company.


Anyway, when Jesus returns, if you subscribe to that idea, perhaps there will be some sort of Holy Spirit demonstration with the whole "This is my son" routine booming from the sky.

$10 says that if and when Jesus comes, he'll just end up getting himself killed again.

The holy ghost returns! :eek:

And therefore the apocalypse would look something like this:

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/6582/finalfightcf5.jpg (http://imageshack.us)


(bow down before my epic MS Paint skillz!)

I think it will be funny if the Jews, who denounced Jesus as the Savior, believe that the second coming of Jesus is the Savior.

(bow down before my epic MS Paint skillz!)

:hail::hail::hail:

He'll return after I let him out of my basement.

I regret to inform you that jesus (and his contemporaries, from the emperor of Rome to the bums that live in Rome) have already been reborn multiple times. Nobody noticed.

So, I just started wondering something. If the Jewish are waiting for a savior to come, and the Christians thought there was a savior, and are waiting for him to come again, who are Muslims waiting for? Or do they not have an "end of everything" bit and just assume that everything keeps going forever?

They're waiting for the mahdi, which is identical in purpose to the messiah and just as silly an idea.

That's why it would be funny if the second coming of Jesus was the Jewish messiah and the Muslim "mahdi".

"All these people wearing crosses in memory of Jesus get me wondering. When Jesus comes back, do you think he's gonna wanna SEE a cross? It's like walking up to Jackie Onassis wearing a rifle pendant."

--Bill Hicks, 1993

Mirza Ghulam Ahmad claimed to be both the messiah and mahdi. He died in may 1908, so apparently he was wrong!

Mirza Ghulam Ahmad claimed to be both the messiah and mahdi. He died in may 1908, so apparently he was wrong!Which is my point. So many people claim to be the second coming of Jesus, but how do we know if they are a deranged cult leader of really Jesus. Jesus shouldn't have to preform miracles to prove himself.

Which is my point. So many people claim to be the second coming of Jesus, but how do we know if they are a deranged cult leader of really Jesus. Jesus shouldn't have to preform miracles to prove himself.

Why not? After all the trouble His fan clubs have caused over the last 2000 years, the least He can is put on an entertaining show. *nod*

How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader?

He wasn't.

Jesus was determined to be a communist sympathizer for preaching love, sharing and compassion by the House of Un-American Activities in the McCarthy era and was expunged from the Bible. Jeehzus, the new Messiah who preaches hate, guns and free market liberalization, was released to the public as the proper figurehead in the Bible in the summer of 1954 and has been a prominent figure since then.

Jesus came, he saw, and he got kicked out.

:p

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?

Interesting....

As you may already know from your religious education lessons at school jesus came before and hardly anyone believed he was the messiah hense all the Jewish folk out there who are still waiting for the messiah to come! I think being misinterpretted and help up as a liar by the people around at the time of his coming is pretty much the way poor Jesus has to do things. Maybe thats the true way he'll test us. Ony time will tell!

http://www.religioscope.com/notes/2002/090_lightning.htm

Jesus will return, take one look at Christianity, and say....Whoa Whoa Whoa, It totally did not happen like that..

We'll know it's Jesus, because he'll be more awesome than this.
http://www.unc.edu/~jmspille/images/awesome3.jpg
:D

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?

Duh. You'll know because as you yourself said, Jesus is incredibly awesome. You never thought any of those cult delusional Jesuses were Jesus, did you? That's because they lacked the authentic awesomeness, which you would have easily spotted.

Same with everyone else who like you, believes in Jesus's awesomeness.

But you're right, for people like me - atheists - we won't be able to tell the difference between really awesome Jesus and really delusional cult Jesus. And we might just re-crucify him in a tragic case of mistaken identity. But ultimately it's all part of God's plan, is it not? How could it be otherwise!

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?
That's easy!The second coming of Jesus will not happen if the Antichrist hasn't come yet,so considering that the Antichrist will reign for 7 years then the world will end I can say that the so called-Jesuses are just ordinary nutjobs.

This strip seems topical...

http://www.idrewthis.org/comics/idt20050311rapture.gif

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?
he will come again on clouds of glory. there will be no mistaking it. there will be no "jerry turns out to be the reincarntion of jesus" crap.

It will happen on Chuck Norris's 1,857th birthday. He will finally tell us that e is Jesus. No mortal could live that long!

It will happen on Chuck Norris's 1,857th birthday. He will finally tell us that e is Jesus. No mortal could live that long!

Trees are mortal, yet they live a long time. Some are more than twice that age!

Trees are mortal, yet they live a long time. Some are more than twice that age!So, the Maple in my backyard is Jesus?

So, the Maple in my backyard is Jesus?
no.

maple trees live less than 150 years.

no.

maple trees live less than 150 years.

But besides the fact, Jesus is a tree?...

But besides the fact, Jesus is a tree?...
yes

unless he is chuck norris.

You'll know if I spontaneously combust.
There's another possibility ... if you explode after certain ... learning experiences ... we undergo.
<.<
>.>
Champagne, anyone?

But besides the fact, Jesus is a tree?...
Remember turning the other cheek, and the curse of the fig tree?
In the old pix, Jesus was the fig leaf. Of shame, for some.

Heaven or Hell? That is the question.Limbo. That is the answer ... if you understand The New Math.

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is.

Im stopping right there. You really need to get out more boy-o.

Im stopping right there. You really need to get out more boy-o.
Actually, perhaps on the same day, i was thinking about how awesome Shakti and Devi Prakriti was. Nothing wrong with some amusement.

Actually, perhaps on the same day, i was thinking about how awesome Shakti and Devi Prakriti was. Nothing wrong with some amusement.

I was thinking how awesome I am... :)

I was thinking how awesome I am... :)So was i ... but then i slipped on the ice and brained myself, and as you'd note, i haven't been on in several days ... healing.
Not sure what to make of that.

So was i ... but then i slipped on the ice and brained myself, and as you'd note, i haven't been on in several days ... healing.
Not sure what to make of that.

Well, I did NOt fall on any ice, as my state soes not ahve any yet. I tripped up some stairs though...

Anyway, back on topic, Jesus had twelve disciples.

Articoa, do you still have your Jesus action figure? Maybe that could be the reincarnation of Jesus...

Articoa, do you still have your Jesus action figure? Maybe that could be the reincarnation of Jesus...

Actaully I went looking for it after you said that, and I did find it now. And it could be his reincarnation, it DOES have karate chopping action.

Hell. I like my parties to be rough and rowdy.

Save me a spot down there, along with a decent amount of alcohol. Oh, and lots of pinatas. No party is a true party without pinatas.

"christians" will be stoned and miss it; AGAIN, just like they did that last three times.

(ok, so jews missed it 4 times and moslems missed it twice, and the next time won't be for most of another thousand years. they only happen once every thousand years, give or take a few hundred, and the twin return for this millinea happend in 1844 and 1863 respectively)

Screw crucifixion, this time we use fire.

Screw crucifixion, this time we use fire.

actually 1844 WAS by firing squad. 1863 was just exiled again, and again, and again, untill natural old age, just incidently fullfilling prophesy by the sequence of exiles.

actually 1844 WAS by firing squad. 1863 was just exiled again, and again, and again, untill natural old age, just incidently fullfilling prophesy by the sequence of exiles.

"Fire" not "firing squad". Big difference.

This strip seems topical...

http://www.idrewthis.org/comics/idt20050311rapture.gif

Gold

Do some people really believe that?

I was thinking how awesome I am... :)

What a strange coincidence I was thinking how awesome you are too.

"Fire" not "firing squad". Big difference.

yes yes of course, but didn't they try that with the knights templar?

Actaully I went looking for it after you said that, and I did find it now. And it could be his reincarnation, it DOES have karate chopping action.Now you just need a Chuck Norris one and we can take over the world!

I think jesus is a pretty cool guy. eh relieves us of our sins and doesn't afraid of anything.

The moment some dude starts turning my water into wine, I'll be convinced.

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?

He'll be executed as a trouble-maker. Then a few hundred years later his followers will get a lucky break and their beliefs will be spread across the entire world, sometimes violently.

I think jesus is a pretty cool guy. eh relieves us of our sins and doesn't afraid of anything.

The moment some dude starts turning my water into wine, I'll be convinced.

How bout whiskey?

How bout whiskey?

No, run-of-the-mill standard model Jesus will only turn water into wine.

If you want Whiskey, you'll need the PowerJesus5000(tm) XL Edition (also comes with an army of Christian Ninjas, WhoreOfBabylon Locatorizer, and complimentary shot glass)

You have to supply your own water though.

No, run-of-the-mill standard model Jesus will only turn water into wine.

If you want Whiskey, you'll need the PowerJesus5000(tm) XL Edition (also comes with an army of Christian Ninjas, WhoreOfBabylon Locatorizer, and complimentary shot glass)

You have to supply your own water though.
Aw, it doesn't come with Chuck Norris Karate-Chop Action?

You have to supply your own water though.

Some fucking Savior he turned out to be...

Gold

Do some people really believe that?

Undoubtedly

He'll be executed as a trouble-maker. Then a few hundred years later his followers will get a lucky break and their beliefs will be spread across the entire world, sometimes violently.
But what empire would play Constantine and spread it to most of the known world? The US couldn't do it, 'cause of the first amendment, China couldn't do it because of communism, and no one else would have enough power overseas...

Heaven or Hell? That is the question.

Better parties, free central heating, surfacing on lakes of lava...
It's awl goood!

But the world has "gone to shit". I guess when everything blows up and is on fire, he would be the only person not burning... But there's too much margin for error there. Can the Antichrist burn?

The world hasn't gone to shit. You know how I know? Cause I'm not dead, and neither are you.

The world hasn't gone to shit. You know how I know? Cause I'm not dead, and neither are you.Are you sure I'm not dead? You shouldn't assume.

Gold

Do some people really believe that?

More or less. Not so much with the actual destroying of the environment, just that conservation is less of a priority if you believe that you'll be caught up to Heaven in your lifetime.

This belief requires some really stretchy interpretation of the word "quickly". Also the word "Dominion". Assuming that one's getting the belief from scripture at all and not just what the man at the lectern is yelling at you every Sunday.

I was thinking to myself the other day about how awesome Jesus is. I suddenly found myself think about a line I hear in church all the time. "He will come again to judge the living and the dead." Then I thought about how whenever says they're Jesus, everyone yells "CULT!!"

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?
you know that jesus isnt going to return, right?

its been 2000 years. think about it.

you know that jesus isnt going to return, right?

its been 2000 years. think about it.

If I were him, and I knew about the state of this world, I wouldn't return. I would say: Screw you guys!

The most awesome ad has just popped up on this thread:

http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/imgad?id=CKukwvaatpL6FhDYBRhPMghzUmqLoiy9Ag

Forget outsourcing your call centers to India, you can now outsource your exorcisms. I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't approve of this, but it is nevertheless awesome. Thanks, Google!

Even Jesus is getting outsourced now...

Even Jesus is getting outsourced now...

It's NSG. It was bound to happen. Here, even Jesus is outsourced. *nod*

Even Jesus is getting outsourced now...That's terrible.

That's terrible.

Well Overseas Jesus(TM) is willing to work for long hours without shoes or benefits, will put up with terrible conditions for pennies a day (he's got kids to feed), and can start at age 9.

Easy - read Revelations! It's all simply spelled out in an easy-to-understand-not-open-to-wildly-different-interpretations-sort-of-way!

Revelations seems to be some kind of agitprop horror, written to scare people into Christianity. It also works well as an LSD trip gone bad, by the way.

Personally, I think when he returns he's going to do another moneylenders in the temple on all the hypocrites in the faith.

If he returns, I'd shake his hand for inspiring billions. Then tell him that a large number of them took it the wrong way. Then ask him to fix the problem. Or invit him over to watch movies.

Jesus has already returned. He just got disgusted with us doing fucked off shit in his name and went home.

Waiting for Jesus to return is like waiting for Harry Potter to return...

Waiting for Jesus to return is like waiting for Harry Potter to return...

I wish harry potter was as rare of a costume as Jesus.

We all have our wishes...

Personally, I think when he returns he's going to do another moneylenders in the temple on all the hypocrites in the faith.
I think you are right there.

... Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?

You know we could test Him/Her like they did in the 16th century. If they sink then they are either a false messiah, or the Devil's love child. If they float then Witch!

Well, which is Jesus? The one that stands?

So, how will we ever know if Jesus has returned? How do we know that he didn't already come, but everyone just dismissed him as a cult leader? Seriously, how will we know if everyone always denounces anyone who says that they're Jesus? It is a bit hypocritical to say that he will come again, but just denounce anyone that says they are. Then how do we know when someone is actually Jesus or just a deranged cult leader?

Kill em if they come back in 3 days its Jesus.

Kill em if they come back in 3 days its Jesus.But he could be like:

:upyours:< I'm out of here!

Better parties, free central heating, surfacing on lakes of lava...
It's awl goood!

Hell is supposed to be a place of punishment. Parties are fun and fun can't be in a place of punishment. Therefore, no parties in hell. Plus heaven plays Led Zeppelin. Heaven even plays the Zeppelin songs that are so awesome, the unrighteous can't hear them. Literally. Play those super-awesome songs to someone evil and they can't hear a thing.

All hell gets is Hanna Montana. Seriously, haveyou even seen her smile? It's so damn sinister. And it chills you down to the soul. It torments you nonstop. Hanna Montana is clearly demonic.

After what they did to him 2000 years ago, do you think he'd want to return?