NationStates Jolt Archive

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" in a relationship that has not been specified to be "open" is wrong (why? most persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

you get all of your partners sexual energy instead of having it dissipated by him/her screwing someone else just when you were really horny.

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" is wrong (why? Neesika says it does not matter, most other persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

Why have an exclusive relationship? The old "high school" reason - so you won't be alone on Saturday night. You're always guaranteed a date, someone to sleep with, someone to be there. Presumably, it eliminates uncertainty.

Also, presumably, you'll always know who the father is.

It depends - on a whole lot of factors (a major one being the sort of relationship you have made).
I'm not religious and I have no moralistic hang ups on monogamy. If I were religious I would have married the first and only woman I'd slept with.
I've been in a relationship with the same woman for thirty years. We have both had other lovers in the past - but not for the last seven years. We still are very close and loving with each other. Honesty is very important in one's relationship. If you are honest with each other, is it cheating?
There's an old saying, "You begin to hate the people you have to lie to."
So I'm arguing that you should live your life without lying. It doesn't matter if your relationship is exclusive or not. It matters that it is an honest one.

Because I bet there is no greater feeling than sex with someone you love, rather than just screwing around.

So you don't get an STD.

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" is wrong (why? Neesika says it does not matter, most other persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

Whoa! Bullshit! I very clearly said cheating is wrong! I don't have an 'exclusive relationship', but that doesn't mean I cheat or condone cheating. If we agreed on a monogamous relationship, then going outside that would be wrong. We do not have such a relationship, so neither of us 'cheats' when we sleep with other people.

I have no idea how you got "Neesika says it does not matter" from that. Please edit your OP.

The phrase "cheating" is widely used by Americans. It promotes an image of deception. Non-monomagous relationships are not necessarily "cheating".

As I said earlier, in the thread, the important thing is not to lie to your partner(s). This is as much for your own sake as for others.

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared."
- Niccolo Machiavelli

"Creationists make it sound as though a 'theory' is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night." - Isaac Asimov

So that is what hell is. I would never have believed it. You remember: the fire and brimstone, the torture. Ah! the farce. There is no need for torture: hell is other people. - Jean-Paul Sartre

Shouldn't this be in the "Quotes" thread?

Presumably, you only have so much time and energy available. In some cases, this means that being with others lessens the amount of time your SO spends with you. Granted, you could spend that time with others too, but you may want to spend it with your SO.

Shouldn't this be in the "Quotes" thread?
he's gonna be pissed when he goes to that thread and his post isnt there.

"If you want to have a lover who will love you till the end, you've got to have a lover who will be your best friend" - how's that for a quote (that's directly relevant!)?

I don't know what song it's from but one of my philosophical friends (not a lover) said it to me.

Emotional and sexual security.

So that is what hell is. I would never have believed it. You remember: the fire and brimstone, the torture. Ah! the farce. There is no need for torture: hell is other people. - Jean-Paul Sartre

You have an interesting theory of relationships.

Shouldn't this be in the "Quotes" thread?

yep :p

I had that open in another tab and accidentally posted in here. :p

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" is wrong (why? Neesika says it does not matter, most other persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?Because people feel jealousy.

So you don't get an STD.
Ya. Or if you do, you know where you got it.

Why would you want an exclusive relationship? Probably for the same reason you want a relationship with a man, or a relationship with a brunette, or a relationship in which you live with your partner, or a relationship in which one partner orders the other around, or a relationship in which you dress up in silly costumes to have sex, or a relationship with three Swedish guys named Sven and their pet goat - because it happens to be what floats your boat. It makes as much sense to ask "Why would anyone eat cheese pizza instead of pepperoni pizza?" Because they like cheese pizza. Duh.

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" is wrong (why? Neesika says it does not matter, most other persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?
Because that's what they want. Why would anyone desire a "chocolate chip cookie" or an "orgasm"?

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" is wrong (why? Neesika says it does not matter, most other persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

Why not?

Monogamy is easier. Not just in that you don't have to find more than one person, but in that you don't have to deal with more than one person's bullshit and emotional baggage.

I mean, even in a good relationship there are going to be rough patches or something is going to happen that might not be related to the relationship that will make them upset and part of being with this person involves being a shoulder to cry on and all this business... which can be draining. And having to do this for more than one person could also be draining. There are also fewer worries about whether everyone understands where they stand.

Granted I generally prefer to date in a non-exclusive manner for a while before committing to an exclusive thing. This doesn't mean that I'm necessarily seeing or sleeping with other people, but that this option would exist.

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" is wrong (why? Neesika says it does not matter, most other persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

Because you know in your hearts of heart that this is the person for you, that life without them would completely suck for you, and for you to violate the trust that they have in you, would hurt them, and it would hurt you too.

Why would you want an exclusive relationship? Probably for the same reason you want a relationship with a man, or a relationship with a brunette, or a relationship in which you live with your partner, or a relationship in which one partner orders the other around, or a relationship in which you dress up in silly costumes to have sex, or a relationship with three Swedish guys named Sven and their pet goat - because it happens to be what floats your boat. It makes as much sense to ask "Why would anyone eat cheese pizza instead of pepperoni pizza?" Because they like cheese pizza. Duh.
I take it you never met anyone that did that just to spite their parents.

I take it you never met anyone that did that just to spite their parents.

I can honestly say I've never met any one who had cheese pizza to spite their parents.

I can honestly say I've never met any one who had cheese pizza to spite their parents.
Now anchovies -- they're a whole 'nother kettle of fish.

exclusive relationship? makes it sound like some kind of bizzare dating agency advert.

"Are you lonely and want someone to love?"
+walks in awkward angle toward the fast moving camera+
"Then why not try out our best offer no win no fee one off payment service"
+cue cheesy smile and happy people on a desert Island+
"If you're not satisfied by this offer then try out our exclusive offer where you can combine different partners for just a monthly payment of £200 per month*"
+cue people looking happy and drinking expensive wine in a really clean apartment with furniture that would make a millionaire shirk in horror at the price+
"remember we care about your happiness, so you should too"





*This includes food bills, shopping sprees, running off after films, and days lost at work due to worries about if this person is really the one, offer ends before 10th Dec*
;) an LG wink? scary.

Very funny Mad Hatter! I see why you call yourself that!

Simple matter of preference, like chocolate/vanilla or pirate/ninja.

Very funny Mad Hatter! I see why you call yourself that!

please don't flatter the Mad hatter. (it rhymes! okay okay i know a little childish but still):wink:
eayh i'm bored but hey that's what happens at 10pm. (not sure if this applies to all people or just me, so i'll assume this happens to all people).

Whoa! Bullshit! I very clearly said cheating is wrong! I don't have an 'exclusive relationship', but that doesn't mean I cheat or condone cheating. If we agreed on a monogamous relationship, then going outside that would be wrong. We do not have such a relationship, so neither of us 'cheats' when we sleep with other people.

I have no idea how you got "Neesika says it does not matter" from that. Please edit your OP.

I apologize Neesika (OP altered), but I thought that is what you said; if a relationship was "open", then cheating would be impossible, no?

Why not?

Because one never knows when one will be stricken with he urge to copulate with someone, and it is often inhibiting to be denied the pleasure of that copulation when it is desirable to both parties involved.

Emotional and sexual security.

Please elaborate on "emotional" security, KoN; regarding sexual security: what if condoms are employed?

Please elaborate on "emotional" security,

You have someone to tend to your emotional needs whenever you need them to.


KoN; regarding sexual security: what if condoms are employed?

Sexual security as in a constant source of it.

and it is often inhibiting to be denied the pleasure of that copulation when it is desirable to both parties involved.


Not for anyone with self control and will power...

I take it you never met anyone that did that just to spite their parents.

Well, sure, there are always people who choose things due to some form of outside pressure. There are plenty of people, for example, who have had relationships with members of the opposite sex because they are afraid of the reaction they would get from others if they came out of the closet - but I still think the primary answer to the question "Why would any guy want to date a WOMAN?" is "because he likes dating women."

"Why would any guy want to date a WOMAN?"

Boobs.

It depends - on a whole lot of factors (a major one being the sort of relationship you have made).
I'm not religious and I have no moralistic hang ups on monogamy. If I were religious I would have married the first and only woman I'd slept with.
I've been in a relationship with the same woman for thirty years. We have both had other lovers in the past - but not for the last seven years. We still are very close and loving with each other. Honesty is very important in one's relationship. If you are honest with each other, is it cheating?
There's an old saying, "You begin to hate the people you have to lie to."
So I'm arguing that you should live your life without lying. It doesn't matter if your relationship is exclusive or not. It matters that it is an honest one.

Collectivity covered it in one. If you've never had a relationship in which you could and did/do tell them anything and everything then you've never really had a very good relationship. It's not to say that there wasn't love. It's the relationship itself that was bad.
You might think that telling your girlfriend/wife that you find that girl you work with really attractive (words like "hot chick", "big hooters" etc are not necessary) would be a bad idea in a relationship or unnecessary as you aren't sure you'll do anything about it or you fear it might be to help her to control you etc etc. In my experience (assuming the girl particularly wants the relationship with you and knows you're wanting to be honest) it helps you. You can then decide if you want to pursue the attraction (or not) with a clear head rather than the rather thin sauce of it being forbidden & secret.
I can't, off the top of my head, explain just how good it is to be in an honest relationship but I've tried both in loving relationships and I've preferred honest relationships - and any guy I've met, dated, had a relationship with me has found it profoundly attractive and even addictive. Some even find my telling them exciting in and of itself. This was entirely unexpected when I started this but it really is almost universal: honest relationship = better, attractive and even addictive.

"You begin to hate the people you have to lie to." is true.

So, to your question about monogamy, I think: it will naturally happen or it won't but you'll enjoy it more either way if it's completely honest.

Monogamy: easier, less time-wastage, easier to trust for some (makes the boundaries clear), allows more time to develop a richer relationship (relationships have a life and appeal of their own - once you know everything about a person you might think that's all you get but what you build between you is something else again), no STDs if neither of you brought them in, freedom of choice of contraceptive (or not), the opportunity to improve & refine sexual technique (again honesty very good here), simple logistics in raising children (I'm sincerely all for multiparenting - but in the end someone has to ensure that when everyone goes on vacation someone took the kid to school), wider/universal choice of religion to take part in, security (assuming honesty), a warm body in the bed _every_ night if you want them, often involves shared resources in pursuing whatever you both want (props for the sex if you like or new house or travel etc etc), mathematically fewer complications.

You have someone to tend to your emotional needs whenever you need them to.
The more partners you have, the less likely it is that you'll be without at least one of them at any time.
"Why would any guy want to date a WOMAN?"

"You like a girl? Dude, that is so gay"

[QUOTE=Ifreann;14157159]The more partners you have, the less likely it is that you'll be without at least one of them at any time.QUOTE]

Ironically, this isn't the case after teenage. Having 1000 friends means all of them know they're not that special to you and, even with mere brownian motion there will be times when they all just aren't there.

Boobs.

hey don't forget guys can have boobs too. in fact give men the right drug and we can lactate. (it's a scary world):eek:

hey don't forget guys can have boobs too. in fact give men the right drug and we can lactate. (it's a scary world):eek:
and do you think that you would find these manboobs attractive?

and do you think that you would find these manboobs attractive?

Well as long as the guy is wearing the right kind of bra to support them, otherwise it looks slutty.
why do you ask? do you find manboobs attractive?

You have someone to tend to your emotional needs whenever you need them to.

Why can we not be promiscuous and still have this? Persons could marry, get emotional support, and still have open sexual gratification.


Sexual security as in a constant source of it.

I still do not understand how free sexuality impinges upon this; one could "be in love" with one's partner and still enjoy everything "on the menu".

Well, sure, there are always people who choose things due to some form of outside pressure. There are plenty of people, for example, who have had relationships with members of the opposite sex because they are afraid of the reaction they would get from others if they came out of the closet - but I still think the primary answer to the question "Why would any guy want to date a WOMAN?" is "because he likes dating women."Good heavens, no. We do it to go to bed with you. If there was an easier way, we'd skip all the wooing =P

I apologize Neesika (OP altered), but I thought that is what you said; if a relationship was "open", then cheating would be impossible, no?

Your OP still makes it seem as though I'm okay with cheating. Since you are unclear as to my position on this matter, can you please just take me out of your OP altoghether?

No, you can still 'cheat' in an open relationship, if you behave in a dishonest manner. Cheating is possible regardless of the set up you have, because you will ALWAYS have certain restrictions, even ones as simple as 'use a condom'.

Ironically, this isn't the case after teenage. Having 1000 friends means all of them know they're not that special to you and, even with mere brownian motion there will be times when they all just aren't there.

Friends =/= partners. Consider, a man with one wife will be left alone if she has to travel for work or something. A man with two wives won't, unless they're both away at the same time. A man with 4 wives and 2 husbands......

I'm rather fond of this song by Must Be Tuesday:

My Boyfriend's Girlfriend Isn't Me

There's lots of kinds of people in this world
and I'm, well, I'm not like other girls
How do I explain this properly?
My boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me.

Well obviously one of them is...
But there's another girl of his
And I know her and she knows me
and that would be great if it was just us three.

But she has a guy who's even more pretty
and a long-distance thing in another city
He and his wife come by when they can
and they have a kid who calls me his aunt.

Just when I thought it was all too crazy
I tried to draw our family tree.
There's nothing wrong with extra love
But the paper wasn't big enough.

Chorus:
Of all the ways I've ever dated
it's never been so complicated
The chain can extend to eternity
'cause my boyfriend's girlfriend isn't me.

We spent Christmas eve with my boyfriend's dad
Christmas day with my folks and the feast they had
New Years, he went to his girlfriend's city
I mean the one who isn't me.

She brought him and her other guy
to her company picnic and I won't lie
I wasn't used to being alone
so I want someone new of my own.

It isn't easy to find a fling
'Cause when you hit on some tasty thing
They say "Aren't you with that guy?"
You say "Oh he doesn't mind.

Have you ever seen 'Big Love'?
Know what I mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge..."
And they say "Oh, so you're a Mormon?"
"No! ...I'll explain from the beginning..."

Chorus

When the partners get together,
the primaries and all the others,
we give the newbies a little primer
and we all get out our day timers.

Calendars as far as the eye can see.
"When can I see you?" "When are you free?"
"Who gets me on my birthday?" and then
"Does anyone have an extra pen?"

*The above, for me is the biggest reason I would want serious relationships with TOO many people. Who has the time!?

The kids have the best celebration.
Gifts from three dozen odd relations.
There's Uncle Jackie's girlfriend, Mary,
Ed who is her secondary...

Ed's new boyfriend brought along
his ex, whose fling is going strong
with someone that I used to know
and just became my boyfriend's beau...

Chorus

A couch where four can snuggle up
Suddenly isn't big enough
And even so we don't give up.
There's no such thing as too much love.

I apologize Neesika (OP altered), but I thought that is what you said; if a relationship was "open", then cheating would be impossible, no?

Parkus, why do you make these threads if you have no intention of reading what people say in them? At least a dozen people in your last thread explained very, very clearly that when you go behind your partner or partners' backs and do something you know would make them unhappy, you are cheating. If you agree not to have sex with anyone else and then do so anyway, you are cheating. If you agree only to screw people your partner has met and okayed and then screw someone without telling them, you are cheating. If you agree never to wear blue shirts on Wednesdays and then wear a blue shirt on Wednesday, you are cheating. Please stop asking people to explain things to you if you can't be bothered to pay the slightest bit of attention to what they say.

Well, aside from the fact that one person is enough for me, I'd say it's a lot harder to truly develop intimate feelings for multiple people; it's definitely not implausible, but for many people it would not be possible to do so without deceiving yourself or your partners as to the real depth of your relationship. There's a level of trust and security that you can get with one person that probably isn't achievable at all with multiple partners, especially since they would all be bringing their own personalities, biases, and jealousies to the party and that would produce all kinds of drama should things ever get strained.

If I ever find someone who is desperate enough to go out with me, I wouldn't want them to be going out with others too because they'd quickly realise the other person was much less hard work and more fun to be around and stop seeing me. Hopefully I can trap someone who takes promises seriously into committing long-term before they come to their senses. Or lock them in a cage so they can't escape. This is why I'm in favour of exclusive relationships.

Friends =/= partners. Consider, a man with one wife will be left alone if she has to travel for work or something. A man with two wives won't, unless they're both away at the same time. A man with 4 wives and 2 husbands......

Ha, I see what you're saying, but you won't fool me! The MAN was going to St. Ives so the answer is one! Haha!

Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?
It's got something to do with human emotions.

If I ever find someone who is desperate enough to go out with me, I wouldn't want them to be going out with others too because they'd quickly realise the other person was much less hard work and more fun to be around and stop seeing me. Hopefully I can trap someone who takes promises seriously into committing long-term before they come to their senses. Or lock them in a cage so they can't escape. This is why I'm in favour of exclusive relationships.

I endorse this product and/or service.


Also, it's hard enough taking proper care of a man. Imagine how it would be taking care of several. Way too much work for me to bother with.

It's got something to do with human emotions.
Unsurprisingly there are discrepancies in human emotions from human to human, and this entire thread can be summed up by "each to his own" and "speak for yourself".

Well as long as the guy is wearing the right kind of bra to support them, otherwise it looks slutty.
why do you ask? do you find manboobs attractive?
no i dont find them attractive.

i dont often find them repulsive either but they dont do anything for me.

Because one never knows when one will be stricken with he urge to copulate with someone, and it is often inhibiting to be denied the pleasure of that copulation when it is desirable to both parties involved.

1. And it's impossible to ignore this urge?
2. If one of the people involved in your scenario is in a committed monogamous relationship then there are more than 2 parties involved.

Why can we not be promiscuous and still have this? Persons could marry, get emotional support, and still have open sexual gratification.

I still do not understand how free sexuality impinges upon this; one could "be in love" with one's partner and still enjoy everything "on the menu".

And there are people who chose to do this, the key to it though is that for an open relationship to work is for both parties to want an open relationship.

Is anyone else getting the feeling that Parkus is starting these threads because his girlfriend dumped him for sleeping around?

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" in a realtionship that has not been specified to be "open" is wrong (why? Neesika says it does not matter, most other persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

Probably a subconscious desire to NOT being compared to others.

can you imagine this being said after a night out with your SO?
"oh, man, you're foreplay technique is great, but _____ fucking techinique is better and _______ gives better oral."

:p

Is anyone else getting the feeling that Parkus is starting these threads because his girlfriend dumped him for sleeping around?

... now that you mention it...

hmmmm.... :tongue:

Is anyone else getting the feeling that Parkus is starting these threads because his girlfriend dumped him for sleeping around?

I see no reason not to take these threads at face value. The point they make is not really unreasonable, and Parkus has a history of being rather dissonant on general sexual and romantic topics.

Also, I don't think Parkus has ever had a girlfriend.

I really wish he'd just freaking take my name out of the OP like I asked him to, twice.

I really wish he'd just freaking take my name out of the OP like I asked him to, twice.

So I shouldn't be pming him asking him to restore it to its original version?
Not that I am, I just felt like trying to be annoying

I really wish he'd just freaking take my name out of the OP like I asked him to, twice.

Its his perverse appeal to authority.

"Neesika said cheating is ok! Therefore I am right and all you mere humans are illogical!"

Whats that we call that in the legal world? Oh yes, libel.

So I shouldn't be pming him asking him to restore it to its original version?
Not that I am, I just felt like trying to be annoying

His 'edited' version isn't any better. Still makes it look like I think cheating is A-OK.

His 'edited' version isn't any better. Still makes it look like I think cheating is A-OK.

yeah... it does kinds look like that...

Its his perverse appeal to authority.

"Neesika said cheating is ok! Therefore I am right and all you mere humans are illogical!"

Whats that we call that in the legal world? Oh yes, libel.
TPE is just intentionally clueless when it comes to relationships.
His 'edited' version isn't any better. Still makes it look like I think cheating is A-OK.
Haven't bothered to go back and reread the OP...

yeah... it does kinds look like that...

Well I bloody don't. RAR! *rips off shirt and transforms into a windigo*

Because one never knows when one will be stricken with he urge to copulate with someone, and it is often inhibiting to be denied the pleasure of that copulation when it is desirable to both parties involved.

It's inhibiting to not punch someone in the mouth when it is desirable to me, but I don't do it, because the consequences of such an action far outweigh my temporary satisfaction.

To answer the OP: I, personally, desire only monogamous relationships because I can not separate love and sex. I know it is quite possible, and many people do it, and good for them--I almost wish I could. But I can't. Sex is something I only desire with someone I love, and I do not feel that I am capable of loving more than one person in such a deep way. I want a partner who feels the same way. Is that selfish? I suppose so--but if you don't like the ad, you don't have to answer it. If you do, I'm going to hold you to the terms laid out.

*rips off shirt and transforms into a windigo*

Is all interested...
Right up until the transforms part...
;)

Haven't bothered to go back and reread the OP...

still makes it sound like Neesika's saying Cheating is ok... or at least 'not wrong'

It's inhibiting to not punch someone in the mouth when it is desirable to me, but I don't do it, because the consequences of such an action far outweigh my temporary satisfaction. Exactly, I thought of violence as well. It's intensely satisfying, it's something I get overwhelming urgest to engage in, but it's not something I can do without consequences, so I refrain. For the most part.

Also, I've been cheated on, and the feeling is absolutely horrible. Any pleasure I personally might get from cheating would not be worth causing someone I love that sort of pain. It's like comparing the good taste of a dark chocolate truffle to an amputation without anesthesia. My chocolate isn't worth his or her amputation.

To answer the OP: I, personally, desire only monogamous relationships because I can not separate love and sex. I know it is quite possible, and many people do it, and good for them--I almost wish I could. But I can't. Sex is something I only desire with someone I love, and I do not feel that I am capable of loving more than one person in such a deep way. I want a partner who feels the same way. Is that selfish? I suppose so--but if you don't like the ad, you don't have to answer it. If you do, I'm going to hold you to the terms laid out.

There you go, this is all the explanation I'd ever need from someone...and in fact, a number of possible 'fuckbuddies' have said exactly this to me...that they couldn't have a casual relationship because they would always want more, and knew I wasn't interested.

I have never been able to feel as though I only wanted sex with someone I really loved. Although for the most part, I have sex with friends, so there is love there on a certain level. Finding great sex and great love in the same person has been amazing, but it doesn't mean I don't occasionally have cravings. Like...I would love to eat filet mignon all the time, but once in a while I just want some cheap fried chicken.

Exactly, I thought of violence as well. It's intensely satisfying, it's something I get overwhelming urgest to engage in, but it's not something I can do without consequences, so I refrain. For the most part.

Also, I've been cheated on, and the feeling is absolutely horrible. Any pleasure I personally might get from cheating would not be worth causing someone I love that sort of pain. It's like comparing the good taste of a dark chocolate truffle to an amputation without anesthesia. My chocolate isn't worth his or her amputation.

Yes, good analogies both.


There you go, this is all the explanation I'd ever need from someone...and in fact, a number of possible 'fuckbuddies' have said exactly this to me...that they couldn't have a casual relationship because they would always want more, and knew I wasn't interested.

(although I'd aesthetically rather you used the french than the german derivative word for sex) You really are quite lucky to find people who know this about themselves. I've met few people who actually know what they will feel in this sort of complex situation ahead of time. I've known (hearsay) a few who thought they were one way and things changed.

I have never been able to feel as though I only wanted sex with someone I really loved. Although for the most part, I have sex with friends, so there is love there on a certain level. Finding great sex and great love in the same person has been amazing, but it doesn't mean I don't occasionally have cravings. Like...I would love to eat filet mignon all the time, but once in a while I just want some cheap fried chicken.

Does this mean you have found love without the sex?

You have someone to tend to your emotional needs whenever you need them to.




Sexual security as in a constant source of it.

Will there be Sexual Security cheques issued every month? Imagine the lonely and desperate waiting at the mailbox every 30 days for government-issued money to spend on hookers.

TPE is just intentionally clueless when it comes to relationships.


Made cuter by his argument that its not a good idea because you might have the urge to have sex with others.

Look, Im all about hedionism, but of the Epicurian type were you dont do it to the point of self destructiveness. And if your happy in an exclusive relationship, why is it an issue?

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" in a relationship that has not been specified to be "open" is wrong (why? most persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

It's just a personal preference.

Since the consensus here is that "cheating" in a relationship that has not been specified to be "open" is wrong (why? most persons say it breaches trust), I have new question: Why would anyone desire an "exclusive" (sexually speaking) relationship?

If you love someone and they're a great fuck, there's really very rarely a reason to fuck or love someone else.

Does this mean you have found love without the sex?

Of course.

Sex came later.

You might think that telling your girlfriend/wife that you find that girl you work with really attractive (words like "hot chick", "big hooters" etc are not necessary) would be a bad idea in a relationship or unnecessary as you aren't sure you'll do anything about it or you fear it might be to help her to control you etc etc. In my experience (assuming the girl particularly wants the relationship with you and knows you're wanting to be honest) it helps you. You can then decide if you want to pursue the attraction (or not) with a clear head rather than the rather thin sauce of it being forbidden & secret.

It's also fun when you can both check the girl out and see if you agree. =)

Of course, neither my husband nor myself want anything outside of a monogamous relationship, so it's just looking for us.

If you love someone and they're a great fuck, there's really very rarely a reason to fuck or love someone else.

:eek:

Its his perverse appeal to authority.

Whose authority?

"Neesika said cheating is ok! Therefore I am right and all you mere humans are illogical!"

Whats that we call that in the legal world? Oh yes, libel.

I just call it an error in syntax, and you would call it that as well, were it not for the fact that you dislike me, or rather dislike my defense of "free-love".

Of course.

Sex came later.

ah, but which of you came sooner than later? :p

sorry, couldn't resist... :(

I just call it an error in syntax, and you would call it that as well, were it not for the fact that you dislike me, or rather dislike my defense of "free-love".

You don't seem to be defending free love so much as attacking the choice not to engage in it.

You don't seem to be defending free love so much as attacking the choice not to engage in it.

This.

I don't want a monogamous relationship right now...but I certainly don't think that people who have made that choice are inferior to me, or wrong in their choice.

I just call it an error in syntax, and you would call it that as well, were it not for the fact that you dislike me, or rather dislike my defense of "free-love".

I could give a shit about your defense of "free love". I dont care if people like "free love". For a bit, I was all about "free love".


Youre not defending free love, youre calling anyone who prefers monogomy inferior and somehow "illogical".

In short, youre being a twat.

I could give a shit about your defense of "free love". I dont care if people like "free love". For a bit, I was all about "free love".

Youre not defending free love, youre calling anyone who prefers monogomy inferior and somehow "illogical".

To myself? How should that be, since I prefer monogamy? I have stated before on a thread that I would never enter a non-monogamous relationship.

And let us please keep logic out of this, since it is about pleasure, pure and simple.

In short, youre being a twat.

This is a superfluous sentence that does not improve my opinion of you, and probably does not impress anyone else here.

This is a superfluous sentence that does not improve my opinion of you, and probably does not impress anyone else here.

Luckily Im not here to make friends than, eh?

You don't seem to be defending free love so much as attacking the choice not to engage in it.

I am simply trying to determine why so many persons choose to exclude sexual contact outside their partners.

I am simply trying to determine why so many persons choose to exclude sexual contact outside their partners.

And youve been told. Several times. Pretending like you havent isnt fooling anyone.

Luckily Im not here to make friends than, eh?

I prefer not to think in black and white: one who does not wish to make friends is not necessarily obliged to make enemies.

And youve been told. Several times. Pretending like you havent isnt fooling anyone.

Not to my satisfaction, and I doubt I ever will.

Not to my satisfaction, and I doubt I ever will.

Which is why we are done humoring you.


What I want to know is, why do you care so much? Does people being in a monogoumous keep you up at night?

Which is why we are done humoring you.

Do you have a mouse in your pocket?

What I want to know is, why do you care so much? Does people being in a monogoumous keep you up at night?

No, but promiscuity might.

Do you have a mouse in your pocket?



In case you cant tell, Im not the only one sick of these threads of yours and your constant comments about how much you disdain relationships.

No, but promiscuity might.

What? How does that relate to my question?

Why do you care wy some people are monogoumous?

In case you cant tell, Im not the only one sick of these threads of yours and your constant comments about how much you disdain relationships.

But throughout this entire thread I have not raised a sentence against relationships, so why are you bringing up this irrelevant grudge?

What? How does that relate to my question?

Reality is often contrary to assumptions, and I thought you might appreciate the irony of your statement.

Why do you care wy some people are monogoumous?

Because most primates are naturally promiscuous, and I am curious as to why humans are not. When I notice a widespread behavior without a visible cause, I inquire. Society has certain "standards" most of its members follow, and if one simply assumes these standards without considering why they exist, then that person follows society like a religion.

Not to my satisfaction

Can you tell us what in particular does not satisfy you?

Can you tell us what in particular does not satisfy you?

Having sex with only one person, obviously.

Can you tell us what in particular does not satisfy you?

All explanations depend on society; I do not believe most of the posters here would be monogamous if they were not indoctrinated with the notion by society.

Having sex with only one person, obviously.

Neesika...I am sure you have had sex with more persons than I have, and you must of course realize that I do not mean that as an insult.

All explanations depend on society;

Ryadn gave you an explanation just in this thread that was not an argument from social attitudes. Nor is that the only such explanation that has been presented.

I do not believe most of the posters here would be monogamous if they were not indoctrinated with the notion by society.

First, how do you know?

Second, so what?

Neesika...I am sure you have had sex with more persons than I have, and you must of course realize that I do not mean that as an insult.

No worries, I was being cheeky.

Do I believe that people are socialised into monogamy? Absolutely. There are non-monogamous social situations in existence around the world that show us for certain there are other acceptable models that don't seem to violate some deep seated genetic imperative.

But that seems pretty obvious.

All explanations depend on society; I do not believe most of the posters here would be monogamous if they were not indoctrinated with the notion by society.

Well of course not, we'd be indoctrinated with different notions :rolleyes:

Because most primates are naturally promiscuous, and I am curious as to why humans are not.


Primates also fling poo at each other. But humans dont. Why dont you start two threads questioning that?

Primates also fling poo at each other. But humans dont. Why dont you start two threads questioning that?

Humans don't fling poo?

*Hides handful of poo behind his back*

Does that mean we can't eat parasites off each other's fur anymore, either?

All explanations depend on society; I do not believe most of the posters here would be monogamous if they were not indoctrinated with the notion by society.

I like being monogamous. It is my preference, though not a strong one. It works for me. I fail to see what the problem is.

Primates also fling poo at each other. But humans dont. Why dont you start two threads questioning that?

Lol, fucking owned.

This.

I don't want a monogamous relationship right now...but I certainly don't think that people who have made that choice are inferior to me, or wrong in their choice.

Exactly, it's just a personal choice.

One may as well ask why some people like peaches better and some people like apricots better. Or why some people don't like either. Like it would be silly to demand that people justify their preferences in fruit, I think it's silly to demand that people justify their preferences for what kind of relationship they want, whether that's an open relationship or an exclusive one, or no relationship at all.

Primates also fling poo at each other. But humans dont. Why dont you start two threads questioning that?

Are you comparing the enjoyment of sex to the pleasures of being pelted with fecal matter?

Are you comparing the enjoyment of sex to the pleasures of being pelted with fecal matter?

well, it all depends on what turns one on...

Are you comparing the enjoyment of sex to the pleasures of being pelted with fecal matter?

They're both "natural" behavior for primates.

All explanations depend on society; I do not believe most of the posters here would be monogamous if they were not indoctrinated with the notion by society.

Does that include you?

Does that include you?

Yes.