NationStates Jolt Archive

Once upon a time, there was this great thread called Choose Wisely. It had like over 9000 posts, and was full of spam and lulz. It started off as an epic topic though.


This is the remix to that thread.


Let us suppose that you, and THREE other NSGers are kidnapped by a group of Swiss terrorists, and are taken to their secret lair in the mountains somewhere. You have learned that they plan on taking over the world's cheese supply, and denying freedom loving people the right to enjoy their favorite chees at a reasonable price. You, and the three other NSGers must escape your cells and stop the Federation of Swiss Cheese Terrorists.

First, you must pick who the three other NSGers are.

Next you must figure out a way to get out of all of your prison cells, using only a toothpick and a rubber band, with out alerting the guards.

Once out, explain how you will get past the security details (patrolling guards, guard kitties, security cameras, and laser trip beams).

Finally, explain how you will defeat the main Swiss Cheese Terrorist leader, and return the world back to normal cheese consuming mode.

GO!

I would choose Hammurab, LG and VKZ.

LG can run around the cell naked, covered in mud so the guards may just think he's crazy and leave us alone while Hammurab tells me a story about going to Denmark with Muryavets and Katganistan while I, expertly, use the toothpick to pick on the cell lock, muffling the sound with the rubber band.

To get out, LG will use his super clown powers, honking noses helter skelter so he immobilizes all the guards. VKZ will drink the kitties's blood.

Finally, Hammurab and I will take care of the Swiss Cheese terrorist. I will seduce him, sit on his lap and play with his mustache while Hammurab, slowly, kills him with one hilarious joke after the other. LG of course, will be wearing his clown costume and add to the hilarity and, after the Swiss terrorist is dead, VKZ will get us outta there by flying. That way, us Generalites, will save the world!

hmmm...

Eut, Smunkee, and Nanatsu

Smunkee and Nanatsu will distract the guards, effecting our escape. Smunkee will teach them wonderful Cheese-baised recipies and Nanatsu will be charming, effectively rendering the Terrorists helpless.

then Eut and I will locate a radio and Eut will call in his army buddies and they'll come for the largest Swiss Fondue party ever held.

Me, Nanatsu, and any two other NSG'ers.

I'd turn Nanatsu into a Vampire, we'd drink the other two, and then lay waste to the place and escape. :)

Can I be the terrorist leader? It seems suitably eponymous territory.

Peechland you ain't, Piggy. I will support this topic on the condition that a scenario not including Nanatsu shows up

Peechland you ain't, Piggy. I will support this topic on the condition that a scenario not including Nanatsu shows up

Choose your own scenario, mate.

Peechland you ain't, Piggy. I will support this topic on the condition that a scenario not including Nanatsu shows up

well... it depends on the level of distraction one wants to have.

You'ld admit that Peechland and The Chocolate Goddess would... er... be very, VERY distracting... to the point where even the other heroes would be... er... distracted... :D

Choose your own scenario, mate.

Never been much of a hand at that. Besides, it would defeat the purpose of me withholding support. I'm trying to get others to do things for me.

I would pick Dinaverg, Hotwife, and Gauntleted Fists.


After picking the lock with the toothpick and rubberband we could leave Danverg and false dummies of ourselves (made out of straw from the floor of the cell... because ALL terrorists have jail cells with straw floors). Since Dinaverg would likely be more than happy to do nothing he'd be the perfect decoy to make the terorists think we are still all there. We would then use Hotwife's supply of guns (am 98% certain he can get several hundred rounds of ammo and plenty of weaponry air lifted or something) and Gauntleted Fists gonna be special forces skillz to soundly defeat the terrorist goons. We will obviously be out of ammo when we reach the terror leader, thats when I come in. I'll just polity convince the terror leader to give up his evil ways and join us here on NSG... thus saving the cheese.

I would clone myself (i.e. use of my three previous hardly-used accounts going back to '03)

We'd realise that since none of us actually like cheese, this really isn't our war. We'd get out of the cells quite easily. One of me is annoying, so three they'd probably chuck us out fairly quickly, especially as we aren't greatly opposed to their cause. As they'd agree to let us out, we wouldn't have to struggle past the guards. We'd give a friendly wave to the Swiss Cheese Terrorist Leader on our way out. We'd then form a barbershop-style a cappella quartet and race to the top of the world's charts. The love for us from the public would then make it easy for us to become undisputed leaders of the world. When we're in charge we'd continue to ensure no cheese is sold, but in memory of the dark few hours of our imprisonment we'd rename Switzerland 'Gayistan' and have it moved to the Arctic circle so they freeze their arses off.

I would pick Dinaverg, Hotwife, and Gauntleted Fists.

Since Dinaverg would likely be more than happy to do nothing he'd be the perfect decoy to make the terorists think we are still all there.

See, this kid I like.

who needs three? Bring Kat along and they'll be so terrified they'll have no choice but to let us go :D

LG because he loves Cheese-us.
Katganistan and Archdoille because, as Mods, they would deat the terrorists for inflicting spam on the world.

I'd choose Hotwife. The guards would get so sick of him spouting off, they start giving him a massive smackdown, allowing me to walk free while they're so occupied.

And LG to give the uberterroristScorpio an atomic wedgie.

I will merely take South Lizasauria, who will proceed to engage the Swiss guards in discussion with a series of typically bizarre questions and random thoughts, I suspect SL's brain is perfectly calculated to trigger the Swiss brain, so used to order and logic, into suicide mode.

Mass suicide of Swiss guards, no need to worry about security cameras and laser trip beams.

I can then pick up any keys and let myself out of the secret lair.

For the Swiss Cheese Terrorist leader, I will ask to meet on the pretext of presenting a gift, I shall take along The Pantless Hero but ask him to come in 5 minutes later. The gift will be an 'I love all Apple products' t-shirt - on entering, I fully expect TPH to tear him limb from limb.

Meanwhile, I quietly slip out the room.

I'd be happy to bring along a third to chat and discuss events as they occur but I really couldn't care less who it was.

lets keep this alive!