NationStates Jolt Archive

Not a happy thread this one but sadly true none the less.

What is the worst betrayal you've experienced from your loved one/spouse/partner etc?

My partner had an affair and slept with someone else just before our son was born. The last occasion being just 8 days before his arrival.

* points to pieces of broken heart on the floor*

It hurts soooo bad.

:(

Wow thats pretty bad, I can't think of really much that could ever be as bad as that (that dosen't involve physical violence I mean)

Hope he got what was coming to him though

Girlfriend went to LA for a model shoot (still can't believe my luck on that one) and "knew" 17 guys in various ways in a single week. A month later, she used me to get into a fairly expensive (for me at least) event, and then dumped me at the door.

The irony here being that she lost almost all of her friends as a result cause they liked me better than her.

Not a happy thread this one but sadly true none the less.

What is the worst betrayal you've experienced from your loved one/spouse/partner etc?

My partner had an affair and slept with someone else just before our son was born. The last occasion being just 8 days before his arrival.

* points to pieces of broken heart on the floor*

It hurts soooo bad.

:(
you should dump that bitch.

Not a happy thread this one but sadly true none the less.

What is the worst betrayal you've experienced from your loved one/spouse/partner etc?

My partner had an affair and slept with someone else just before our son was born. The last occasion being just 8 days before his arrival.

* points to pieces of broken heart on the floor*

It hurts soooo bad.

:(

Ouchorama. Blackmail them back: they must stop the affair and contribute to raising the child, or have no contact with their son.

Only one act of betrayal - I was used by a girl once to become more popular. It caused me so much pain, and I never thought i'd love again.

Luckily fortune has smiled on me since though. :)

Not a happy thread this one but sadly true none the less.

What is the worst betrayal you've experienced from your loved one/spouse/partner etc?

My partner had an affair and slept with someone else just before our son was born. The last occasion being just 8 days before his arrival.

* points to pieces of broken heart on the floor*

It hurts soooo bad.

:(

I hope that you are a lady otherwise your partner is a major slut!

My first girlfriend slept with me then best friend...
I punched him out and told her to fuck off, never spoke to either again.
12 years later i still feel bad about what happened...

I see bomnking on your partner as a mini-betrayal. It depends on the rules you have negotiated, You can shag someone and even have a crush on them but still love and want to be with your partner. I'm guessing that you discussed it and your partner was truthful about the affair.
Then I would argue that it wasn't a betrayal in my meaning of the word.
And you can always think of it this way "That's my justification for a rock and roll with someone should the occasion present."

For me a real betrayal is being set up by a friend or ex-lover. This can happen in a number of ways. ...with the intention being to hurt you.
Once again, a random bonk doesn't usually qualify - unless your partner then goes on Gerry Springer and does a "tell all" - where do they get that trash??

An ex of mine slept with all of my "friends" and a whole bunch of other guys. The biggest heartbreak though for me though were the girls that did not have sex with me ever. This is espescially true for the one that I love super much.

Man that sucks big time. With trust destroyed, there's not much left to build a relationship with a future on.

Cheating GFs aside, the most recent betrayal I had to deal with was my shrink lying to me about not having received an important letter I'd sent, and trying to cover it up when I had seen the very envelope at his place.

The bastard will never see me again, that's for sure!

Betrayals... all oddly from girlfriends; my friends and family are always on my side.

Had a girlfriend who told me she wanted to wait until marriage to get sexual (was fine with me) and then slept with around 5 other guys in the meantime, always of course hiding it from me until she got knocked up by some 14 year old kid from out of state. That was a fun thing to deal with...

Had a girlfriend who lied about her kid... said it was her nephew. I believed THAT story for 3 months. I broke up with her because she lied to me; if she's going to lie about that, what else would she lie about?

Had a girlfriend that one day out of the blue up and left... no explanations, nothing. She disappeared and never came back. Tried to get together again six months later by calling me from Virginia... ermm no?
Oddest thing is we weren't having a single problem, everything was fine; she had just told me the night before how lucky she felt.

The most minor betrayal was when one of my girlfriends stopped using her birt control; this wasn't a gambit to keep me, just a gambit to piss off her parents.

Mine was that after I had made arrangements to see him, he dropped the bomb that he had found someone else, 2 weeks prior to my arrival. It broke my heart, but not for too long. I realized very soon that he was just a douchebag. He is. Besides, I had help in healing from all my good friends.:)

My partner had an affair and slept with someone else just before our son was born. The last occasion being just 8 days before his arrival.

What is the matter with that? Do you think sex is sinful?

What is the matter with that? Do you think sex is sinful?

Whats wrong with you? Insensitive?

My parents told me that Santa was real.

My parents told me that Santa was real.

Thats just cruel....

Having sex with another man than his husband 8 days before having a baby?

That woman is my hero. You need a good set of ovaries for that.

Mine? Boyfriend raped a friend. Nuff' said. That was the worse, my fianceé left me a month before getting married for a 17 years old girl, for example.

Having sex with another man than his husband 8 days before having a baby?

That woman is my hero. You need a good set of ovaries for that.

Mine? Boyfriend raped a friend. Nuff' said. That was the worse, my fianceé left me a month before getting married for a 17 years old girl, for example.

Buffey wasn't too clear on who had the baby.

Whats wrong with you?

Nothing.

Insensitive?

I am not a stranger to empathy; my question remains.

Girl slept with my Friend.
Begged me to take her back. said all the right things.
Then tried to sleep with my friend again 2 days later.

The Fed up part is she still sometimes shows up on my door trying to talk to me.

Nothing.



I am not a stranger to empathy; my question remains.

When the mother (Or father?) of what is supposedly your child is having sex with other people in a relationship thats a breach of trust for oh.. about 90% of everyone. Thats the problem.

When the mother (Or father?) of what is supposedly your child is having sex with other people in a relationship thats a breach of trust for oh.. about 90% of everyone. Thats the problem.

How is a woman gaining sexual satisfaction from something other than the "magic organ" of the man who impregnated her a breach of trust?

How is a woman gaining sexual satisfaction from something other than the "magic organ" of the man who impregnated her a breach of trust?

It is a breach of trust because it is a general unspoken rule that you do not have sexual relations outside of your relationship.

You can, but those types of relationships usually require an overt declaration and agreement of that fact.

I, for example, am personally not into my girlfriend being into other guys romantically. I can't stop her if she decides to do something, but I trust that she knows my feelings about the matter and therefore will not pursue that course of action. Just like I won't either. Hence, it's a matter of trust.

How is a woman gaining sexual satisfaction from something other than the "magic organ" of the man who impregnated her a breach of trust?

I dunno, there are all kinds of deadly diseases and stuff out there plus the whole monogamy thing that a lot of people go for.

Oh yes, there is also the possibility of being shouldered with raising SOMEONE ELSE'S kid.. that would bother me a little bit.

It is a breach of trust because it is a general unspoken rule that you do not have sexual relations outside of your relationship.

And it is an unspoken "fact" that black people are stupid.

You can, but those types of relationships usually require an overt declaration and agreement of that fact.

Why?

I, for example, am personally not into my girlfriend being into other guys romantically. I can't stop her if she decides to do something, but I trust that she knows my feelings about the matter and therefore will not pursue that course of action. Just like I won't either. Hence, it's a matter of trust.

Why do you care? Does the intercourse "stain" her?

I dunno, there are all kinds of deadly diseases and stuff out there

That is why condoms are important.

plus the whole monogamy thing that a lot of people go for.

A whole lot people used to also go for "no intercourse before marriage".

That is why condoms are important.



A whole lot people used to also go for "no intercourse before marriage".

It don't matter to me whether or not you really care about monogamy in a relationship or why. But it is an unacceptable and emotionally painful thing to a lot of people and you have to accept that. What your saying/doing can be perceived as trolling toward Buffey atm.

Not a happy thread this one but sadly true none the less.

What is the worst betrayal you've experienced from your loved one/spouse/partner etc?

My partner had an affair and slept with someone else just before our son was born. The last occasion being just 8 days before his arrival.

* points to pieces of broken heart on the floor*

It hurts soooo bad.

:(

Nice! My ex cheated on me a number of times, but the worst was when I was pregnant with our second child, and he gave me three STDs.

Of course, he feels like the aggrieved one, because I left his stupid ass.

And it is an unspoken "fact" that black people are stupid.



Why?



Why do you care? Does the intercourse "stain" her?

I care because I do. I have no reason to be rational and no real desire to explain it to you either.

Face the fact that a lot of relationships are built around the idea of exclusivity. Also realize that cheating is often a sign that the person doesn't care as much. Again, this isn't an issue if it's agreed beforehand and a healthy part of the relationship, but it's a problem if the relationship is exclusive.

3 ex girlfriends cheated on me with 3 separate friends throughout my older years.

My one ex set me up to get the shit kicked out of me by 4 guys by saying I hit her, they were about to jump me at a local bar because of that.

There's other stuff involving money or whatever, but that's not too important. Money is replaced, actions can't be taken back.

Quite being an idiot, Parkus. If the parties in the relationship agree to monogamy, then straying outside is cheating, and a betrayal. It's pretty clear.

Oh yes, there is also the possibility of being shouldered with raising SOMEONE ELSE'S kid.. that would bother me a little bit.

That is why the wrong would lie in failing to use birth-control; but if worse-came-to-worse, I am sure the couple could pool their funds and purchase an abortion (God forbid we raise children not of our own sperm). Of course, too many of these would be expensive, but it would hardly be "betraying" one's partner.

Quite being an idiot, Parkus. If the parties in the relationship agree to monogamy, then straying outside is cheating, and a betrayal. It's pretty clear.

Perhaps you are right; yet one day, the human race may become more enlightened.

It don't matter to me whether or not you really care about monogamy in a relationship or why. But it is an unacceptable and emotionally painful thing to a lot of people and you have to accept that. What your saying/doing can be perceived as trolling toward Buffey atm.

But I honestly do feel sorry for Buffey, and I offer my deepest condolences.

I have no reason to be rational and no real desire to explain it to you either.

Thank you.

Perhaps you are right; yet one day, the human race may become more enlightened.

Perhaps, but it also requires a different way for human emotions to work. Considering they do not work homogenously, I'm sure there will always be someone, somewhere hurt by a breach in monogamy.

Also, consider the posts of some of the people in this thread. They've described situations in which they were lied to. That's the breach of trust.

The real enlightenment then, has to begin by people not lying about what they think and feel.

Thank you.

No problem :p Still, I think I found a simpler way to explain it without divulging too much information.

That is why the wrong would lie in failing to use birth-control; but if worse-came-to-worse, I am sure the couple could pool their funds and purchase an abortion (God forbid we raise children not of our own sperm). Of course, too many of these would be expensive, but it would hardly be "betraying" one's partner.

Hardly betraying one's partner my ass. Most relationships are supposed to be exclusive. Going off and banging other people is hardly exclusive; then consider the fact that most of the time they lie... and its the lie that causes the pain because you thought they were trustworthy. Just because you don't really give a rats ass doesn't mean nobody else does, and it doesn't give you the right to be a troll toward someone who feels emotionally distraught.

Go live in your happy little swinger land if you will, but stop being such a prick to people who aren't.

Nothing.



I am not a stranger to empathy; my question remains.

I f you don't see what the problem is than you are either extremely insensitive or an idiot

Your sig is also a bit misleading. Just because I don't see a reason to be rational about something that is inherently emotion and because I don't want to explain something personal to you isn't really going to affect any other type of discussion.

It looks, however, like a great sig :p

But I honestly do feel sorry for Buffey, and I offer my deepest condolences.

It seemed totally different from where I stood, hence the reaction

Being betrayed....

I've had it happen in a school/work setting. I was working hard in my Student Teaching. I made a few mistakes my first days. And my co-op teacher did all she could to get rid me. Things about my lesson plans not being up to standard. Even though this was probably true, she needled me about it for a week or more during my first week. I felt stabbed in the back and I couldn't handle it and so I quit and changed my major. But I know she had it in for me. I was depressed for about three months because she ruined my chances at becoming a school teacher.

I forgot to mention the girlfriend who was stealing things from my parents and myself and selling them so she could buy Oxycontin to get high with. I never even knew she was using drugs until I caught her, and that's when she started stealing.

Perhaps you are right; yet one day, the human race may become more enlightened.

If that's how you define enlightened, may they remain stupid.

I'm going to agree with SaintB in this argument. A relationship is usually very highly exclusive. To go outside is to betray one's partner, especially if you lie, like most people do in these situations.

I don't have a girlfriend right now, but if I did and she cheated on me, then it is highly probable that the relationship would be ended there.

If my opening line there sounded offensive, it was not meant to be so. That is how I feel, and I have a tendency to be abrasive and blunt. I believe that healthy relationships are monogamous. Fortunately I have not faced much betrayal in my life, at least not of the immense magnitude as has been described here by so many. You all have my sincere condolences.

Perhaps you are right; yet one day, the human race may become more enlightened.
There is a difference between cheating, which is a skulking, selfish activity indulged in by irresponsible cowards, and having an open relationship. If you can't see this difference, you're obviously not so enlightened as you're pretending to be.
Further, to say that monogamy is less "enlightened" is self-contradictory. If you abandon traditional value judgments in favor of a relativistic view, then you also have to admit that, for some people, monogamy may be preferable.

for a 17 years old girl, for example.

he might just be my hero how old was he ?

Perhaps you are right; yet one day, the human race may become more enlightened.

I don't see it as an issue of enlightenment, I see it as an issue of trust. If your relationship is open, fine, sex with other people is okay (within whatever, if any parameters you and your partner have set). If that's not okay with you, then don't suddenly decide it's okay just this once, without having a conversation with your partner about possibly changing 'the rules'.

My brother stole the last slice of pizza last night...:(

This discussion on exclusive relationships is becoming a threadjack, so I am going to cease it; perhaps it will resume on a better-suited thread.

My brother stole the last slice of pizza last night...:(

What a /b/tard!:eek2:

I don't particularly want to bring up the real worst one, because I've long since forgiven the friend (as hard as it was) and I just don't particularly like talking about it, so:
Some of my friends dropped me when we were doing one of those trust exercises where you jump off a platform and your friends catch you. That really hurt. :(

Och only very teenage 'love' pish, not really worth mentioning.

I hope that you are a lady otherwise your partner is a major slut!

This is a pretty ridiculous and blatant double standard.

deleted

My ex-fiancée cheated on me. Four times-- that I know of. Only three of them were guys, and the one woman that I know of that she slept with was a woman I dated before her.

What a /b/tard!:eek2:

I know. It hurts, but with time the healing can begin.

My ex-fiancée cheated on me. Four times-- that I know of. Only three of them were guys, and the one woman that I know of that she slept with was a woman I dated before her.

did you get a threesome ??? I mean you had the chick before you had her before. obviously they at least think your decent in bed. surely you asked for a threesome.

did you get a threesome ??? I mean you had the chick before you had her before. obviously they at least think your decent in bed. surely you asked for a threesome.

And got one. Still broke it off with the cheating slut though.

And got one. Still broke it off with the cheating slut though.

That sounds like a pretty good deal.

During my Sophomore year in college, I had an ex dump me as soon as she found out that I'm ethnically Jewish... Not like it's a big secret, my physical characteristics just scream "JEW!" Anyone with half a brain could make that connection... I had to have a conversation with my mother in Hebrew on my cell before she finally asked, "What language is that?" It wasn't until I told her that it was Hebrew that she connected the dots and she dumped me soon after.

That wasn't the worst part... After that mess, my mother gave me an hour long lecture over the phone telling me this is why I should never date gentile women... Gentile women are nothing but trouble, Jews can only trust each other... Blah, blah, blah, blah...

I am not a stranger to empathy; my question remains.
Leaving aside the betrayal of trust, since most couples believe in fidelity and sexual exclusiveness, the timing was appalling. Shagging someone else 8 days before birth shows an intense disregard for the other person's emotional needs. It indicates a very shallow person, who puts their own physical needs ahead of their partner's emotional needs.

Not that I'm against cheating per se. I agree with Collectivity here: as long as both couples don't mind the other shagging outside their relationship there's no problem. I've been in one myself, when I has a long-distance relationship for a year and a bit. We could only meet up once or twice a month during that time. I ended up shagging other women, but it was purely sexual nothing else (I was lucky enough to hook up with an old schoolmate and a couple of milfs). The times I wasn't there, my long-distance g/f was sleeping with her flatmate who, unfortunately, was a 100% lesbian (so there was no chance of a threesome :( ). It worked okay. What didn't work was when the two of us moved to the same town and moved in together. ohhh...bad idea! very very bad.
The cheating on someone 8 days before a birth though is a different kettle of fish. That close to delivery, the partner needs support, emotionally and physically. Shagging someone else at that particular time shows crass insensitivity and shallowness. If you're that desperate to have sex, just knock one out.

he might just be my hero how old was he ?

28 years old.

I know. It hurts, but with time the healing can begin.

:fluffle:

Ah, good to see that Yuki-Chan is able to post again... with the forum troubles it's been fairly quiet today - Have we been betrayed by Server gremlins? :D

That sounds like a pretty good deal.

Works for me.

This is a pretty ridiculous and blatant double standard.

You think it is a ridiculous and blatant double standard to say that a woman is a major slut if when she is very pregnant as in 5 days from popping, she goes and cheats on her husband? That is about as slutty as they get. I do not know much about pregnancy but I bet that when a woman is five days away from birth the vagina is probably not in sex mode.

:fluffle:

Thank You.

:fluffle:

Thank You.

:fluffle:

You're welcome.

:fluffle:

That wasn't the worst part... After that mess, my mother gave me an hour long lecture over the phone telling me this is why I should never date gentile women... Gentile women are nothing but trouble, Jews can only trust each other... Blah, blah, blah, blah...

I have been told that Jewish mothers are famous for giving well-meant and strongly-worded advice to their kids...

Long story made short:

Happened 7 years ago. Put an engagement ring on my then-girlfriend's finger and planned out a wedding. Two months before the big day, I went home from work early and caught my then-fiance and my then-best friend screwing in my then-bed.

Kicked them out of my place, slept on the couch because I couldn't stomach sleeping on soiled sheets and I was too tired to mess with remaking the bed with new sheets. Gathered her stuff up in the morning and threw it outside my door. Wasn't smart enough at the time to remember to CALL THE BANK and close out my checking account that she had access to....there went $4,000. At least she had to explain that all to her folks (who were flipping the bill for the wedding....most of which was already paid for).

My ex-fiance is now married, put on thirty pounds, has four kids (none are mine) and is in the process of a divorce from (yep you guessed it) my ex-best friend.

The ex-bed actually suffered the minor inconveniece of getting lost and ending up on a deserted country road where it some how ended up combusting into flames.

Long story made short:

Happened 7 years ago. Put an engagement ring on my then-girlfriend's finger and planned out a wedding. Two months before the big day, I went home from work early and caught my then-fiance and my then-best friend screwing in my then-bed.

Kicked them out of my place, slept on the couch because I couldn't stomach sleeping on soiled sheets and I was too tired to mess with remaking the bed with new sheets. Gathered her stuff up in the morning and threw it outside my door. Wasn't smart enough at the time to remember to CALL THE BANK and close out my checking account that she had access to....there went $4,000. At least she had to explain that all to her folks (who were flipping the bill for the wedding....most of which was already paid for).

My ex-fiance is now married, put on thirty pounds, has four kids (none are mine) and is in the process of a divorce from (yep you guessed it) my ex-best friend.

The ex-bed actually suffered the minor inconveniece of getting lost and ending up on a deserted country road where it some how ended up combusting into flames.
wow, dodged a bullet there eh?
For a moment there i thought you said your ex-girl was inconvenienced when she got lost on a deserted country road and combusted into flame. then i read it again. Some people don't know what they want at all.

It has made me committment shy, no doubt about it, but at least I am wise enough this time around that I can catch the signs before someone takes one down and smacks me accross the face with it.