NationStates Jolt Archive

Commercials. We all hate them, but some are worse than others. Some suck so badly that a Dyson vacuum would be envious.

I hereby declare open nominations for the worst commercials - those that annoy, aggravate, irritate, infuriate or just leave you wondering, yet again, about the intelligence of the human race.

I'm not going to count nominations or declare a winner (or, in this case, loser) because they're all losers.

My nominations are:

1. In the "Deliberate Misinformation Category" - all political commercials. They play on our fears and emotions and never once give us a fact.

2. In the "Could You Possibly be in Worse Taste Category" - a tie between Nutri-System's commercial with Marie Osmond (I'm Losing It, tee hee) and Brooke Shields speaking for Volkswagen (Don't put a baby in your belly for German engineering).

I now declare nominations open.

I vote for any commercial with an annoying jingle. I despise those commercials.

I vote for any commercial with an annoying jingle. I despise those commercials.

So, all of them you say?

So, all of them you say?

Pretty much, yeah.

The Enzyte commercials, I really have come to hate the perpetually smiling Bob.

The Enzyte commercials, I really have come to hate the perpetually smiling Bob.

Could be a side effect of the Enzyte.

I second A-SD's political commercials.

but for Worst Taste, I nominate any and ALL Geico Commercials that star the Cavemen.
seriously, throwing a fit when you find a Geico Keychain buried in the beach? Going home because a plane flys by bearing the Geico banner?

Could be a side effect of the Enzyte.

I can never get that stupid "chubby Santa" line out of my head, guh.

Could be a side effect of the Enzyte.

yep... all the skin is being pulled somewhere... so that's not a smile, it's just the skin around his mouth being pulled towards... somewhere...

Any and all loveline commercials that now play as early as 8 pm.

I don't want to see some girl about to poke herself while giggling into the phone, nor do I want children to see it.

Any Vehix dot com commercial. There's always 3 in a row where I live.

In that vein, anyone like the Comcast commercials, at least the Slowskys one?
"You come push it!"

1) Any commercial that includes ANY form of the statement "Ask your X if Y is right for you" prejudices me irreversibly against the product so advertised.

2) Any commercials by advertisers whose very names are attempts to deceive the public likewise backfire. I am thinking in particular of all commercials by "FreeCreditReport.com". That sneaky little disclaimer at the very end of each commercial in no way corrects the attempted deception.

Any and all Free Credit Report.com commercials.

And the pizza hut pasta commercials. As an Italian, I find their claims insulting.

Any and all Free Credit Report.com commercials.

I actually kinda like those, I think they're funny. Stupid and misleading, but funny.

I actually kinda like those, I think they're funny. Stupid and misleading, but funny.

The jingles, and that guy who sings them, make me want to commit murder.

there are reasons i don't watch TV.

The jingles, and that guy who sings them, make me want to commit murder.

Oh great, the ad just came on. I do hate him.

And the pizza hut pasta commercials. As an Italian, I find their claims insulting.

really? I always thought their claim was...
"Americans can't tell real Italian Food from our crap."

really? I always thought their claim was...
"Americans can't tell real Italian Food from our crap."

Well, that is what they ARE saying. The question is if thats what the MEAN to be saying, which I dont think it is.

The jingles, and that guy who sings them, make me want to commit murder.

See the jingles are what make me laugh, the rest of it I could care less about, I have never bought something based upon a commercial so their message is wasted on me anyways.

See the jingles are what make me laugh, the rest of it I could care less about, I have never bought something based upon a commercial so their message is wasted on me anyways.

Nor have I.


I have however NOT bought something because of an obnoxious commercial. Because Im a spiteful little douche.

Nor have I.


I have however NOT bought something because of an obnoxious commercial. Because Im a spiteful little douche.

I have. *shows Overlord case and Ticket stub to Star wars Espisode three* Guess which one I regret?

Hmm....Those "Truth" Ads for the WTF factor,

Nor have I.


I have however NOT bought something because of an obnoxious commercial. Because Im a spiteful little douche.

Me too

Hmm....Those "Truth" Ads for the WTF factor,

You mean my friend buying pot didnt help fund the 9/11 hijackers?


Boy will he be relieved:tongue:

You mean my friend buying pot didnt help fund the 9/11 hijackers?


Boy will he be relieved:tongue:

Well it's just that one of the commercial has "Zeppelin" as a cancer caused by smoking. I am not making this up, and I screamed at my TV when I saw that.

Well it's just that one of the commercial has "Zeppelin" as a cancer caused by smoking. I am not making this up, and I screamed at my TV when I saw that.

Thats a whole new kind of stupid.

You mean my friend buying pot didnt help fund the 9/11 hijackers?


Boy will he be relieved:tongue:

Yes, I'm sure your "friend" will be...
;)

Brooke Shields speaking for Volkswagen (Don't put a baby in your belly for German engineering).
Those are the best car commercials out there (not there's a lot of competition, as a rule car commercials suck worse than any other). Two reasons:
1) Brooke Shields is hot
2) There doesn't need to be a #2, because #1 was so great.
The lack of shitty and/or inappropriate music certainly helps, too.

My all time vote goes to that one Visa commercial that uses a song from Brazil...

I mean, the entire theme of the commercial is ostracizing the one guy that uses cash instead of credit card debt like everyone else, making him the one bad apple that breaks the entire smoothly running machine of debt-driven efficiency only Visa can provide. That is so utterly opposed to the message and meaning of Terry Gilliam's film that it's not even funny.

I can only hope somebody was playing a joke on them.

I nominate those damned subway "rueben" commercials, where the guy makes fun of the employee's name cuz subways' selling rueben sandwiches.

My blood boils now that they brought those commercials back.

The Enzyte commercials, I really have come to hate the perpetually smiling Bob.

Bob looks like he's going to go for your throat. Either that or go home and kill himself.

Thats a whole new kind of stupid.

Oh you know it.

Of course, there's this other commercial (I think Capital One, which commercial has the line "What's in your wallet"?), where a family was flying in a high wing aircraft, and apparently the aircraft was falling apart, etc.

God...I could write a doctorate thesis on what's wrong with that commercial....

I've got two for the "read the fucking script before you film" catagory

Firstly, the cat litter commercial that has the hound dog coming to help the cat......."when even your cat can't find it's litter box, you know something wonderful has happened"

BULLSHIT. If my cats can't figure out where they are supposed to shit, that is NOT wonderful, it's the opposite of wonderful, it's bad.

Secondly, the All-State commercial with the guy in the grocery store talking about how cheap insurance isn't good and you should buy theirs. He actually says "having insurance doesn't mean you're protected, that's All-State's stand.......are you in good hands?"

WTF?! Seriously?! Your "stand" is that insurance doesn't protect you?! What the hell would it be for?! I'm not buying any insurance from a company who makes a "stand" that if you pay them money they won't protect you.

Any and all Free Credit Report.com commercials.


YES YES YES, A BAZILLION TIMES YES!

I scream at the T.V.

The newly wed one....."just because my girlfriend defaulted on some old credit card" ....... just pay her bill, shit you're married, pay it and get over it. He later talks about how he shouldn't have married her........over a credit card.

The car one......"which one's me? a cool convertible or an SUV?" dude, seriously! You are not your car! His excuse was he didn't know he had debt....someone who is unaware they have debt should not be financing anything.

I could go on......but I won't.

there are reasons i don't watch TV.
Yes, yes, you're too poor to afford one and you want a government T.V. subsidy. Well quit all that communist belly-aching; this isn't the UK. And even if it were the UK, you don't get a special license check, you have to pay a license fee.

YES YES YES, A BAZILLION TIMES YES!

I scream at the T.V.

The newly wed one....."just because my girlfriend defaulted on some old credit card" ....... just pay her bill, shit you're married, pay it and get over it. He later talks about how he shouldn't have married her........over a credit card.

Not only is he an asshole, for some reason he doesn't even think about the possibility of renting instead of buying. Or is he just using her credit card debt as an excuse to live with his parents because he can't get a job to pay rent with?

Not only is he an asshole, for some reason he doesn't even think about the possibility of renting instead of buying. Or is he just using her credit card debt as an excuse to live with his parents because he can't get a job to pay rent with?

Yeah. Exactly. I can't really fault him for not checking on her financial status before getting married.... I mean I got married after 3 weeks of dating....but we find out in subsequent commercials that his credit sucks.... and it sucks bad....and he keeps trying to finance stuff......seriously, he should have just paid cash for a bike, especially the rust-bucket he ended up with. No wonder his credit sucks!

Secondly, the All-State commercial with the guy in the grocery store talking about how cheap insurance isn't good and you should buy theirs. He actually says "having insurance doesn't mean you're protected, that's All-State's stand.......are you in good hands?"

WTF?! Seriously?! Your "stand" is that insurance doesn't protect you?! What the hell would it be for?! I'm not buying any insurance from a company who makes a "stand" that if you pay them money they won't protect you.
I get what they mean (that insurance pays damages rather than preventing them), but I don't think they could have said it in a worse way. Well, short of saying, "Your shit will get wrecked up, and we won't do a damn thing to save you, sucker. Muahahahaha!!! ... That's All State's stand."

I get what they mean (that insurance pays damages rather than preventing them), but I don't think they could have said it in a worse way. Well, short of saying, "Your shit will get wrecked up, and we won't do a damn thing to save you, sucker. Muahahahaha!!! ... That's All State's stand."

Yeah, but I think he meant that if you get cheap insurance you get cheap coverage.....whereas All-State is supposed to like actually cover your losses, but what he said is that they also believe that insurance is useless, not only did he say it, that's their "stand".

YES YES YES, A BAZILLION TIMES YES!

I scream at the T.V.

The newly wed one....."just because my girlfriend defaulted on some old credit card" ....... just pay her bill, shit you're married, pay it and get over it. He later talks about how he shouldn't have married her........over a credit card.

The car one......"which one's me? a cool convertible or an SUV?" dude, seriously! You are not your car! His excuse was he didn't know he had debt....someone who is unaware they have debt should not be financing anything.

I could go on......but I won't.

That's why I like them, they are so ridiculous they're funny.

That's why I like them, they are so ridiculous they're funny.

Not funny to a financial counselor......I have to deal with these idiots, I mean clients, on a daily basis.

Not funny to a financial counselor......I have to deal with these idiots, I mean clients, on a daily basis.

Well, I'm not a financial counselor and I don't take on any debt that I can't afford to payoff in less than the contracted time so I feel free to laugh at the stupidity.

Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion,
Upset Stomach, Diarrhea,
Yay! Pepto bismo!

For the "WTF Were They Smoking" category.

One of the latest Boss Coffee commercials over here in Japan features a blue (almost purple) singing The Platters' 'Smoke Gets in Your Eyes'. To sell coffee. Why? I do not know. The coffee does not feature a blue gorilla. The coffee is not blue. It's mascot is not a gorilla, and I really have no idea how 'Smoke Gets in Your Eyes' refers to the coffee. The gorilla doesn't even drink the damn coffee, but there you are.

I hate these toolboxes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJz_dsubWAU&feature=related) and their stupid commercial so much I almost want to smash any LG Shine I see for encouraging such nonsense.

In the "Overused and Abused Spokesanimal Category" that damned Gecko, he still talks like a wannabe Cockney and now he's being stalked by a pseudo-naturalist.

My all time vote goes to that one Visa commercial that uses a song from Brazil...

I mean, the entire theme of the commercial is ostracizing the one guy that uses cash instead of credit card debt like everyone else, making him the one bad apple that breaks the entire smoothly running machine of debt-driven efficiency only Visa can provide. That is so utterly opposed to the message and meaning of Terry Gilliam's film that it's not even funny.

I can only hope somebody was playing a joke on them.

Uh...they're just using the song (whose full title is "Aquarela do Brasil"). The song has been around far longer than Gilliam's (excellent) film, as it was written in 1939, and the film premiered in 1985.

That said, the commercial is not just annoying, but incredibly wrong. The only thing that keeps a cash transaction from being much faster than ANY card transaction is the math skill of the person behind the counter (assuming he or she doesn't have a modern cash register that takes all the skill out of the transaction). So yeah, I agree with you.

The "Wie, wo, was weiß' OBI" commercials (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC8WKrTnIVk) where OBI employees butcher "We will Rock You" to sell their stuff. The first one was somewhat tolerable, but it's spawned so many others with atrocious "singing" that it deserves the title more than anything else.

Is this just commercials that are currently on TV, or any commercials?

Uh...they're just using the song (whose full title is "Aquarela do Brasil"). The song has been around far longer than Gilliam's (excellent) film, as it was written in 1939, and the film premiered in 1985.

That said, the commercial is not just annoying, but incredibly wrong. The only thing that keeps a cash transaction from being much faster than ANY card transaction is the math skill of the person behind the counter (assuming he or she doesn't have a modern cash register that takes all the skill out of the transaction). So yeah, I agree with you.

As the person behind the counter, cash is a damn sight quicker to deal with than cards, in my experience.

They hand over cash, I punch in the amount, hit the button, hand back the change.

They put the card in the machine, punch in pin, wait a minute or two for it to talk to the banks, then get a receipt.

Of course, reasonable mental maths does help.

All Sonic commercials. They make me never want to go to one, ever.

Pretty much all perfume ads are a bit strange. Models and celebrities doing stuff and looking rich......therefore buy this perfume.

I vote for any commercial with an annoying jingle. I despise those commercials.
Do doot doot doot doot dooooo, I'm hatin' it.

I hate the damned AT&T family talk "minutes" commercials, with the smug asshole father Don, and his smug asshole sons, throwing away rollover minutes while making fun of the stupid doormat mother who takes their shit instead of telling them to cook, clean, etc. for themselves.

I don't have that cellular service, and I sure as hell wouldn't buy it based on that campaign.

.
I hate the damned AT&T family talk "minutes" commercials, with the smug asshole father Don, and his smug asshole sons, throwing away rollover minutes while making fun of the stupid doormat mother who takes their shit instead of telling them to cook, clean, etc. for themselves.

I don't have that cellular service, and I sure as hell wouldn't buy it based on that campaign.

But why does my brother always get to use the NEW minutes?

Ugh....


Commercials that bother me, that's a large list so where should I start?

AXE commercials, usually pretty stupid by and large with about as much substance as a lead less pencil. I am particularly disturbed by the chocolate man one. The stuff smells like shit, gives me headaches, and makes my skin break out in massive pimples. Never bought the stuff but you know people, they think its 'funny' to spray people with random shit. I know quite a few women who find that stuff unattractive too... its too damn strong.

McDonal'ds Commercials... trying to make McD's look as if its a great place to hang out and eat; do I need to say more? How about those damn jingles, if I hear the Big Mac Song or that stupid slogan one more time I'll eat my hat. Good thing I don't wear one...

Free Credit Report Dot Com. Started off amusing but they keep pumping them out like.. I don't know... water through pipes? Its getting old fast and the songs stick in your head for hours forcing you to sing them...

GEICO Commercials, they are all just fucking stupid! Give it a damn break.

And the list goes on and on and on...

AXE commercials, usually pretty stupid by and large with about as much substance as a lead less pencil. I am particularly disturbed by the chocolate man one. The stuff smells like shit, gives me headaches, and makes my skin break out in massive pimples. Never bought the stuff but you know people, they think its 'funny' to spray people with random shit. I know quite a few women who find that stuff unattractive too... its too damn strong.
That Chocolate one where the guy wanders around with these horrible staring eyes and ends when his fucking arm is ripped off by a passing car. And through it all, he has that rictus smile . . .
I know that AXE caters exclusive to misogynist morons, but surely even they'd be put off by a commercial with such heavy tones of masochism, cannibalism and mind-bending, vomit inducing horror.

That Chocolate one where the guy wanders around with these horrible staring eyes and ends when his fucking arm is ripped off by a passing car. And through it all, he has that rictus smile . . .
I know that AXE caters exclusive to misogynist morons, but surely even they'd be put off by a commercial with such heavy tones of masochism, cannibalism and mind-bending, vomit inducing horror.

Quite... I think I hate it so much more because it reminds me of one of my jobs...

AXE commercials, usually pretty stupid by and large with about as much substance as a lead less pencil. I am particularly disturbed by the chocolate man one. The stuff smells like shit, gives me headaches, and makes my skin break out in massive pimples. Never bought the stuff but you know people, they think its 'funny' to spray people with random shit. I know quite a few women who find that stuff unattractive too... its too damn strong.
I like this Nivea commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjAJB8gULZo

I like this Nivea commercial http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RjAJB8gULZo

I like that one too, because thats my line of thinking even when I was a teenager. I hate walking around smelling like a god damn lilly of the valley...

if I hear the Big Mac Song or that stupid slogan one more time I'll eat my hat.

At least it tastes better than the Big Mac :)

The lack of shitty and/or inappropriate music certainly helps, too.

Inappropriate music is usually what gets me. It falls into three categories:

1) The patently wrong: HP's initial choice for the launch of its new photo printer a few years ago was The Cure's "Pictures of You" which is great if you want to make your customers depressed about looking at photographs.

2) Wrong by association: The Kia Spectra campaign that featured "Let The Sunshine In". Technically, it's a separate song (with those being the only lyrics) but it functions in Hair as the second half of "The Flesh Failures/Let The Sunshine In", so every time that spot came on I would start hearing "The Flesh Failures" -- "We stop, look at one another, short of breath / Walking proudly in our winter coats / Wearing smells from laboratories / Facing a dying nation...." Yup, I really want to buy a Kia now. So I can smash it into a wall.

3) The surreal non-sequitur: The local Toyota dealerships have been using the same spot for the last few years to promote their midsummer sale: A shot of a big circus tent (for their "tent sale",) with "What Shall We Do With the Drunken Sailor" played at the speed of a funeral dirge.

WTF?

In the "Overused and Abused Spokesanimal Category" that damned Gecko, he still talks like a wannabe Cockney and now he's being stalked by a pseudo-naturalist.

It was the change in the accent that got me -- the original gecko spots had him speaking in a BBC accent, and then for no reason at all the gecko apparently embraced his working-class heritage and now speaks in faux-Cockney.

I think he's just trying to sound tough. Wanker.

I hate the damned AT&T family talk "minutes" commercials, with the smug asshole father Don, and his smug asshole sons, throwing away rollover minutes while making fun of the stupid doormat mother who takes their shit instead of telling them to cook, clean, etc. for themselves.

The mom in that commercial at least has the backbone to be aggravated and sarcastic. What really bothers me are the various paper towel campaigns, like the one for Bounty where the dad spills something, and he and the kid just stand around talking about the spill until the mom comes and cleans it up with a cheery smile.

(What's even stranger is that the actress in that spot is the same woman who played Veronica Mars's homewrecking alcoholic mother. Apparently she treats her new family much better?)

All Sonic commercials. They make me never want to go to one, ever.

Especially the ones at the beginning when it was just the two dumbfucks going around bugging the fuck out of poor schmucks who were just trying to make a living (or some semblance of such) at competeing franchises.

For the past few years, the Hardee's commercials has had the ability to make me lose my appitite. But I suppose it's a good thing because I have also not wanted any other fast food and have eaten very little since that incredibly annoying voice first invaded my living room.

Any that feature Santa, particularly in October, yes Disney I am looking at you.

It was the change in the accent that got me -- the original gecko spots had him speaking in a BBC accent, and then for no reason at all the gecko apparently embraced his working-class heritage and now speaks in faux-Cockney.

I think he's just trying to sound tough. Wanker.
I thought he was supposed to sound Australian . . .
But, yeah, that little runts 15 minutes are well used up. They need a new gimmick, and not those stupid cave-men.

As someone who has not owned a TV in nearly a year, I struggle to share your pain. [/smugness]

I do recall finding Lynx deodorant adverts particularly annoying and pointless. They always portrayed the teenage boy spraying the stuff on, then immediately getting loads of attention from some girl(s). Clearly Lynx were hoping that this would spark a buying frenzy from lonely lads.
Duh - the only people who buy that stuff are mums who still do their son's shopping. Maybe the adverts should have showed the teen putting on Lynx, then immediately tidying up his room, getting a job, and quitting being such a sullen monosyllabic waster.

Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!

Poor saps! The whole lot of you! I can't recall a single bad commercial! Then again, I am utterly cableless... that is if you don't count the high speed internet cable I have. But, I don't watch or for that matter have any TV coming into my house and haven't for over a year!

The "Wie, wo, was weiß' OBI" commercials (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC8WKrTnIVk) where OBI employees butcher "We will Rock You" to sell their stuff.

My horror at that commercial is only surpassed by the one I harbor for the fact that it, pparently, has found its way onto YouTube. Why?

The mom in that commercial at least has the backbone to be aggravated and sarcastic. What really bothers me are the various paper towel campaigns, like the one for Bounty where the dad spills something, and he and the kid just stand around talking about the spill until the mom comes and cleans it up with a cheery smile.

(What's even stranger is that the actress in that spot is the same woman who played Veronica Mars's homewrecking alcoholic mother. Apparently she treats her new family much better?)

You mean Bounty commercials where you are don't feature the two chubby, bearded transvestites Audrey and Brenda? For shame!

Those 'Get a Mac' commercials make me wanna reach through the screen and beat Justin Long's smarmy ass. Just about turned me off to ever wanting a Mac computer...

PS: if someone's already mentioned this, my bad.

See the jingles are what make me laugh, the rest of it I could care less about, I have never bought something based upon a commercial so their message is wasted on me anyways.

I have to say I have bought because of a commercial. Local radio station had a TV add about an upcoming Rob Zombie concert (this was years back). I went out and bought tickets literally after the commercial was over.


Otherwise, meh, I have a PVR/DVR so I'm happy without commercials now.

I would like to nominate the Icesave billboards which were rather common in the Netherlands earlier this year.