NationStates Jolt Archive

In a pinch, what do NSGers find to be the best tool for opening a beer bottle?

Tonight thus far, I've used a spoon, a can of sardines and another beer bottle, as well as my trustee BIC lighter. I'm trying to learn to use my penis, as I'm sure it will get me laid, but have had no success and significant chafing as a result.

Anyone else have any creative methods?

Katganistan. Just tell her it's a troll and the neck of the bottle will be severe in two before you can even blink.

I've also used a knife on occasion.

A wife is the best method. It's open by the time its in your hand after she has got it from the fridge.

A wife is the best method. It's open by the time its in your hand after she has got it from the fridge.

Haven't got me one of those yet.

Perhaps its got something to do with my drinking.

Haven't got me one of those yet.

Perhaps its got something to do with my drinking.

Well since you can't actually open a bottle I doubt it has to do with your drinking.

But remember you shouldn't become a drunk till after you are married and you have down trodden her then she will never leave. Get one son hurry up, opening a bottle of beer with your penis isn't going to impress the ladies it is only going to impress your guy friends. who will then begin to question their sexuality.

Bash it on one of your sibling's or idiot freind's heads.

Bash it on one of your sibling's or idiot freind's heads.
But then how am I supposed to enjoy my beer?

But then how am I supposed to enjoy my beer?

If it's an American beer, there's no "enjoy" about it.

But then how am I supposed to enjoy my beer?

Watching it run into peoples eyes and make them scream in pain, or into their mouth so they spit it back out because it tastes like PISS. The the bleeding part is also kind of funny!

Far more enjoyable than drinking it...

If it's an American beer, there's no "enjoy" about it.

I think thats quite a generalization. Its not exactly like I'm chugging Bud Light here.

Sam Adams Octoberfest is quite good this year. Not the best beer out there by any means, but perfectly decent.

Watching it run into peoples eyes and make them scream in pain, or into their mouth so they spit it back out because it tastes like PISS. The the bleeding part is also kind of funny!

Far more enjoyable than drinking it...
To each his own I guess.

I think thats quite a generalization. Its not exactly like I'm chugging Bud Light here.

Sam Adams Octoberfest is quite good this year. Not the best beer out there by any means, but perfectly decent.

I don't count Sam Adams as an American beer. I'm sorry, but it is simply too high a quality to qualify.

Actually that reminds me to ask the NSG Yankee population a question.

How is Sam Adams beer?

My local liquor store recently got a few cartons in of various Sam Adas beers and I would like to know how they are.

Actually that reminds me to ask the NSG Yankee population a question.

How is Sam Adams beer?

My local liquor store recently got a few cartons in of various Sam Adas beers and I would like to know how they are.

Couldn't help you... beer has always tasted like piss smells to me. Corona is piss with a twist of citrus...

Actually that reminds me to ask the NSG Yankee population a question.

How is Sam Adams beer?

My local liquor store recently got a few cartons in of various Sam Adas beers and I would like to know how they are.

very good. What kinds do they have?

Boston Lager is my standard fall-back at the bar

Actually that reminds me to ask the NSG Yankee population a question.

How is Sam Adams beer?

My local liquor store recently got a few cartons in of various Sam Adas beers and I would like to know how they are.

they have a decent taste, though they give me a bit of a hang over especially the more flavored ones like cherry wheat. if you have a fine taste you can still tell they are pasteurized. which I hate pasteurizing a beer is the worst sin you can do to a beer in my opinion.

I drink Saint Arnold's beer which is a local Texas beer that is not Pasteurized.

Actually that reminds me to ask the NSG Yankee population a question.

How is Sam Adams beer?

My local liquor store recently got a few cartons in of various Sam Adas beers and I would like to know how they are.

I don't know how you would describe Sam Adams. Its certainly the best mainstream American beer out, by my standards.

Depending on what you consider quality beer, you may not find it to be amazing, but I doubt you'd consider it a waste of money either. I don't really know what you drink, so I can't really make a good comparison. Lots of flavor, not too bitter, not incredibly sweet. Definitely not a drink to get drunk beer, though it definitely will do the trick.

I have been tempted to use one of the signs up my city - that says "my tax dollar is hard at work on the roads & highways"... and has been so for 35 years on a 6 year project - to open a beer bottle. But my attorney is a busy man and wouldn't like that.
:tongue:

I have been tempted to use one of the signs up my city - that says "my tax dollar is hard at work on the roads & highways"... and has been so for 35 years on a 6 year project - to open a beer bottle. But my attorney is a busy man and wouldn't like that.
:tongue:

Do it. Videotape it.

Do it. Videotape it.

Probably already been done. In fact it has been done in spirit. (We got us a new mayor the other day that understands why industries have been turning away and wants roads, roads, roads!)

Well then of course there's also that 6 million dollar jail that has cost over 40 million and still not finished.

Hmm, depends. I suppose a sharp scalpel would do the trick really well, assuming we got Bottle tied down nice and tight before hand.
















I'm gonna get hurt for that, I just know it.

Hmm, depends. I suppose a sharp scalpel would do the trick really well, assuming we got Bottle tied down nice and tight before hand.
















I'm gonna get hurt for that, I just know it.
I'll start a thread about the female hivemind while you run.

hmm, depends. I suppose a sharp scalpel would do the trick really well, assuming we got bottle tied down nice and tight before hand.

rofl

very good. What kinds do they have?

Boston Lager is my standard fall-back at the bar

Umm, good question, I don't really remember from memory they had about 3 different types all I remember was that one was a larger.

I don't know how you would describe Sam Adams. Its certainly the best mainstream American beer out, by my standards.

Depending on what you consider quality beer, you may not find it to be amazing, but I doubt you'd consider it a waste of money either. I don't really know what you drink, so I can't really make a good comparison. Lots of flavor, not too bitter, not incredibly sweet. Definitely not a drink to get drunk beer, though it definitely will do the trick.

Well larger and ales are the main types of beer that I drink, sometimes I may drink some wheat beer but that has to be a good one like Franziskaner (sp?) but yeah, the only American beer I have had before was Budweiser and it tasted disgusting.

I don't count Sam Adams as an American beer. I'm sorry, but it is simply too high a quality to qualify.

You do realize that the USA has the most breweries of any country in the world? Most of them produce a fine product and there are a significant amount that brew world-class beer (Dogfish Head/Bell's/Stone/Alesmith etc). I wouldn't presume to judge Belgian brews on the basis of Stella Artois, and you shouldn't judge American beers on Bud/Miller/Coors.

I wouldn't presume to judge Belgian brews on the basis of Stella Artois, and you shouldn't judge American beers on Bud/Miller/Coors.

That may be a good point, Stella is after all the VB of Belguim. Which is why I laugh when you see people buying Stella not because they enjoy it but because it is imported and so think it is a good beer and they have some class.

You do realize that the USA has the most breweries of any country in the world? Most of them produce a fine product and there are a significant amount that brew world-class beer (Dogfish Head/Bell's/Stone/Alesmith etc). I wouldn't presume to judge Belgian brews on the basis of Stella Artois, and you shouldn't judge American beers on Bud/Miller/Coors.

I really, really need to use smilies more often.

Go back, read what I said, think carefully about it, and then let me know if you honestly think it was serious. Keep in mind what I said I use as a bottle opener in my first post. Which, incidentally, no one has topped yet.

Umm, good question, I don't really remember from memory they had about 3 different types all I remember was that one was a larger.



Well larger and ales are the main types of beer that I drink, sometimes I may drink some wheat beer but that has to be a good one like Franziskaner (sp?) but yeah, the only American beer I have had before was Budweiser and it tasted disgusting.

You would probably like Boston Lager then by Sam Adams.

As far as Budweiser?

Try drinking a decent brew, urinating into a cup and then drinking it.
Not much difference.

Go back, read what I said, think carefully about it, and then let me know if you honestly think it was serious.

I wasn't debating whether or not Sam Adams is an American Beer. I was pointing out the inaccuracy of your stereotype that American beer is shitty.

I wasn't debating whether or not Sam Adams is an American Beer. I was pointing out the inaccuracy of your stereotype that American beer is shitty.

And I was using the stereotype to make a joke when I made the comment about Sam Adams.

And I was using the stereotype to make a joke when I made the comment about Sam Adams.

Fair enough...*offers you a delicious, domestic beer from my fridge*

You would probably like Boston Lager then by Sam Adams.

As far as Budweiser?

Try drinking a decent brew, urinating into a cup and then drinking it.
Not much difference.

Well I might buy a six pack then and give it a go, at the very least I can take it to some party and leave what ever is left over :p

There's a very novel way of opening two bottles at once in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyIrXH-ITw4

There's a very novel way of opening two bottles at once in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyIrXH-ITw4
Sweet Jesus I need to learn to do that.

Well I might buy a six pack then and give it a go, at the very least I can take it to some party and leave what ever is left over :p

I don't think you'll end up leaving it.

Um... I just use my bottle opener... it's on my key chain so that I'm never unprepared...

I suppose that, were I to suggest a simple solution like one of these (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottle_opener#Simple_Bottle_Opener), I'd be laughed out of here? I'll admit that it does have the obvious disadvantage of not being able to accidentally cause you horrible, embarrassing scarring if you use it wrong, but it sure is handy.
I used to have one on my key chain, but then I loaned it to someone (the opener, not the whole set of keys) and never got it back.

I suppose that, were I to suggest a simple solution like one of these (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bottle_opener#Simple_Bottle_Opener)

What the hell are these strange metal items? I have never seen one of them before. I bow to the bringer of knowledge bearing strange gifts.

in a pinch, i don't open beer bottles. for just about anything else, a pair of cussion jawed channel locks will open just about anything (next best thing to a sonic screwdriver). several other old tricks from chemisty/physics class, are useful too. stuborn lids are generally easier to open after puncturing to release the vacume. another is the reverse shrink lock. hot water, on the lid will expand it, ever so slightly, thus easing its grip on the rest of the container.

i can't think of anything i regularly consume that is packaged with those crushed arround the lip of a bottle caps on it. though i do own several 'church keys' just in case (the other end can open cans, which soup, among other things sometimes comes in).

then there's the p-38 on my key ring. never leave home without it.

i used to always carry a boy scout/swiss army, knife in my pocket too, but its been ages since i've seen whatever i did with the last one. then again things have been know to dissappar and reappear in the dimentionaly transindental 'pockets of holding' in my winter coats, much like those of dr who.

then there's the p-38 on my key ring. never leave home without it.

What one of these? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walther_P38

Well that is a novel way of opening up a bottle or can.

A small thermonuclear device can usually remove the toughest cap to shift.

I'm trying to learn to use my penis, as I'm sure it will get me laid, but have had no success and significant chafing as a result.
It's not all that far-fetched, you know.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=558696

The best way to open a bottle has always been, and always will be, with your teeth.

What one of these? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walther_P38

Well that is a novel way of opening up a bottle or can.

it works, don't it? lol. but no not that one. one of those little folding metal gizmos they used to include to open cans with in wwii c-rations.

it works, don't it? lol. but no not that one. one of those little folding metal gizmos they used to include to open cans with in wwii c-rations.

lol, yeah it does, nah I knew what you meant I have one of them myself somewhere.