NationStates Jolt Archive

...yes I knew that you would click this thread with enthusiasm

Background:

For the past 2 years a woman who is approximately 3 weeks older than me has always had a better birthday-thing than me (this is due to the curse of having watched the Matrix revelations on my 14th).

I should point out that she is one of those people who never gets spots and achieves things with little effort aka a ****

Mission:

Internet folk being a source of good ideas must help me break the curse by suggesting good ideas to make my birthday more memorable than the US election of the same day (I hope you think about me when McCain is sworn into office with my 10,000 votes)

Secondary objectives:

-eliminate the US democratic process
-suggest alcohol for regular consumption now that Jacks is getting old and student drinks are pricey
-what is the best kind of cake evar?
-what do people want for their birthday?

I'm really quite shallow aren't I? I hope my dad buys me a Ferrari or I will have a tantrum!

Just have sex with her on her birthday. You both win.

Wait, you saw Matrix Revolutions when you were 13 and yet, someone who is 3 weeks older than you qualifies as a woman? I refuse to be that old

I know someone with the same birthday and she's grateful enough that we'll have a new president elect.

In response to the title:

Only with her consent.

In response to the thread:

Have someone murdered during the party.

Just have sex with her on her birthday. You both win.

I'd like to modify this. Sleep with her mom. That way you win, and she loses badly. Then sleep with her.

Have someone murdered during the party.

Nah, you need two people to die from a drug overdose and/or a suicide, at least one of which is a prostitute. No party is worthwhile unless a sentient being dies.

Somehow have sex with her in front of everyone at your birthday party. Everyone will remember it. Hopefully involve the cake and ice cream somehow as well.

Somehow have sex with her in front of everyone at your birthday party. Everyone will remember it. Hopefully involve the cake and ice cream somehow as well.

Install a large one-way mirror where there used to be a window. Have sex with her in front of said mirror so that everyone outside can see.

*nods sagely*

Other notes: make sure the room is well lit so it can be seen from outside. Also, if you can take her every single way that she can be (i'll let you do your own research on that), it will be the best party trick ever.

Strippers in the cake often works. But do this only if you can't have sex with her.

I think we have all concluded that you need to sleep with her Call to Power. Now, give us details about her so we can help you achieve this goal.

And finally come back and tell us when you have accomplished your mission. Oh, and remember, source/pics/video or it didnt happen.

Oh, and remember, source/pics/video or it didnt happen.

A copy of the police report would be nice.

Strippers in the cake often works. But do this only if you can't have sex with her.

It's not rape if they're dead.

I think we have all concluded that you need to sleep with her Call to Power. Now, give us details about her so we can help you achieve this goal.

And finally come back and tell us when you have accomplished your mission. Oh, and remember, source/pics/video or it didnt happen.

Specifically, close-up shots that CAN NOT be faked. And that goes for both meanings.

I'd like to modify this. Sleep with her mom. That way you win, and she loses badly. Then sleep with her.
Go back in time and sleep with her mum. Announce that your her father during the party.

A copy of the police report would be nice.

Only if said copy is accompanied by titties.

Go back in time and sleep with her mum. Announce that your her father during the party.

If EVEN REMOTELY possible, this.

Just have sex with her on her birthday. You both win.

me: heres your present!

*jumps into room wearing wrapping paper underwear*

5 minuets later

(in the emergency room having the nurse slowly tear it off)
me: ow! I don't know what I was thinking wrapping ow! sticky tape around my ow! penis, I just thought it would tear off like on presents :$

Wait, you saw Matrix Revolutions when you were 13 and yet, someone who is 3 weeks older than you qualifies as a woman? I refuse to be that old

I'm 20 next year thats like before pogs

I know someone with the same birthday and she's grateful enough that we'll have a new president elect.

thats because she gets free balloons

Only with her consent.

who needs consent when you have alcohol?

Have someone murdered during the party.

I'm intrigued by this suggestion

I'd like to modify this. Sleep with her mom. That way you win, and she loses badly. Then sleep with her.

her mom is gilf and likes the booze...omg and her dad will be away :eek:

I think we have all concluded that you need to sleep with her Call to Power. Now, give us details about her so we can help you achieve this goal.

shes an office administrator who wears shoes in bed. SHOES!

Go back in time and sleep with her mum. Announce that your her father during the party.

like the plot to the terminator :)

Go back in time and sleep with her mum. Announce that your her father during the party.
Make it a costume party and come dressed as Vader.

Make it a costume party and come dressed as Vader.

And go "Nooooo" when you get kicked out.

I'm 20 next year thats like before pogs

That's impossible. The Matrix Revolutions didn't come out until '03, making you only eighteen at the MOST!

Perhaps you'd like to rethink your story?:p

That's impossible. The Matrix Revolutions didn't come out until '03, making you only eighteen at the MOST!

NOV 03 turned 14 + 4 = 18 = 2007 + 1 = 19

NOV 03 turned 14 + 4 = 18 = 2007 + 1 = 19

So it was actually your FOURTEENTH birthday.

NOV 03 turned 14 + 4 = 18 = 2007 + 1 = 19

So it was actually your FOURTEENTH birthday.

Hmmmmm. This matter has gone far enough. We must go back and investigate...

Damn. Jackass went and edited the OP. Jerk.

Enough about his age. Back to sex.

Enough about his age. Back to sex.

Again, my calls for close ups, ones that can be scientifically analyzed to prove that they aren't faking all of this, for both us or each other.

Platinum knuckle-dusters. They'd look very swish, and were it to come to you beating her, there'd be a minimum of fuss if not muss.

So it was actually your FOURTEENTH birthday.

Damn. Jackass went and edited the OP. Jerk.

just like the matrix!

Enough about his age. Back to sex.

Again, my calls for close ups, ones that can be scientifically analyzed to prove that they aren't faking all of this, for both us or each other.

why don't you have sex with her if your so desperate! :p

Platinum knuckle-dusters. They'd look very swish, and were it to come to you beating her, there'd be a minimum of fuss if not muss.

I prefer disposable gloves myself for you can just throw them away when your done and unlike plutonium will not get you questioned by the police

then again you could simply smash plutonium gloves together

why don't you have sex with her if your so desperate! :p


Fine, mail her to me.

Tie her up, sadistically torture her for fun all day, and just before you land the death blow, stop to wittily remark "your birthday sure ain't gonna be better than mine next year, bitch" and have one of your friends do a comedy drum roll:p

Two points:

1.Never ask for serious advice on this forum, unless you crave the mental suffering.

2.Even though I'm not one to diss inane threads, I'm afraid I've got to make an exception here. Damn, you suck! If she allows it, you should probably use your oral skills to give her a good time.

1.Never ask for serious advice on this forum, unless you crave the mental suffering.

We like mental suffering!

When we cause it to other people.

Fine, mail her to me.

I did have several comebacks to this but I'm worried that not even Internet annonmity can save me from the beating I'd receive for a "damaged goods insurance" joke

I did have several comebacks to this but I'm worried that not even Internet annonmity can save me from the beating I'd receive for a "damaged goods insurance" joke

Awesome.

I did have several comebacks to this but I'm worried that not even Internet annonmity can save me from the beating I'd receive for a "damaged goods insurance" joke

I want to hear it.

Ah, the folly of youth.


You can't beat a woman. At anything. Ever. Delude yourself if you want to, but you'll pay for it later.

She always wins. At anything. Even if she 'loses'.

Ah, the folly of youth.


You can't beat a woman.

Unless shes into S&M.

Never ask for serious advice on this forum, unless you crave the mental suffering.

I'm more seeing what happens when I push the big red button

2.Even though I'm not one to diss inane threads, I'm afraid I've got to make an exception here. Damn, you suck!

:eek: no birthday cake for you!

If she allows it, you should probably use your oral skills to give her a good time.

from now on all women in CTP non-sex life will be referred to as men

I want to hear it.

ask your mailman :wink:

You can't beat a woman. At anything. Ever. Delude yourself if you want to, but you'll pay for it later.

what if I out woman her!

I could hire male strippers and cry my eyes out for no apparent reason

:eek: no birthday cake for you!

I've heard that one before. Oh well, I'll just go straight for the beer.

what if I out woman her!

I could hire male strippers and cry my eyes out for no apparent reason

How does that help you win?

Seriously, that's just you losing even more so.

Though there is always one way for a man to win. If he gets the woman pregnant, than for nine months he's ahead. Then he just has to raise the kid to hate the mother. Since that is pretty much impossible, that is why you, as a man, will lose.

Hire a band, make sure it is at some expensive joint, restrict guests, place in an oxygen bar amongst others.

You could kill her and then you win by proxy.

It's not rape if they're dead.WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrONG.

and go "nooooo" when you get kicked out.
"do not want!!!"

Do the time-travel thing. Someone on the zombie thread has a flux capacitor.

Invite NSG posters to your party.

With us there many of which would be providing entertainment you can't go wrong.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the majority of the most vocal NSG posters are really timid and socially inept individuals in the real world. It often works that way. Mind you, that doesn't mean they can't be entertaining... just mock them mercilessly for their strongly worded online opinions which they can't defend at all when IRL faced with someone who disagrees. The suffering... the sweet suffering!

I'm 20 next year thats like before pogs
*ahem*
BULLSHIT!!!

I bet you don't even know what POG is!

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the majority of the most vocal NSG posters are really timid and socially inept individuals in the real world.

so what are lurkers :p

SNIP

are you calling me young! *pulls out butter knife from pink hoodie*

also 07/11/89 + 20...why on Earth am I proving my age :eek2:

so what are lurkers :p



are you calling me young! *pulls out butter knife from pink hoodie*

also 07/11/89 + 20...why on Earth am I proving my age :eek2:

Invite me and LG, I'dd spin tunes, LG will do what LG does... and then him and I can tell jokes.

are you calling me young! *pulls out butter knife from pink hoodie*

also 07/11/89 + 20...why on Earth am I proving my age :eek2:
you still didn't answer what POG is. ;)

if you think they'er cardboard discs that you have to flip over by hitting them with another disc, then you are YOUNG and definately not before POG!

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the majority of the most vocal NSG posters are really timid and socially inept individuals in the real world. It often works that way. Mind you, that doesn't mean they can't be entertaining... just mock them mercilessly for their strongly worded online opinions which they can't defend at all when IRL faced with someone who disagrees. The suffering... the sweet suffering!

Isn't that why we are on here all the time? :p

That would be good to see.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the majority of the most vocal NSG posters are really timid and socially inept individuals in the real world. It often works that way. Mind you, that doesn't mean they can't be entertaining... just mock them mercilessly for their strongly worded online opinions which they can't defend at all when IRL faced with someone who disagrees. The suffering... the sweet suffering!

Damn you for your perfect personality analysis. I'm going to go cry in the corner now:(

Invite NSG posters to your party.

Invite me and LG

:eek2: NS meet 7/11!

if you think they'er cardboard discs that you have to flip over by hitting them with another disc, then you are YOUNG and definately not before POG!

must you embarrass me with your Hawaiian witchcraft :p

:must you embarrass me with your Hawaiian witchcraft :p
Just trying to show you, you are not old. the Game you mainlanders call 'pog' was being played during the small kid time of my eldest brother (who is about a decade older than me.)

so you ain't old you young whipper-snapper! :D

so you ain't old you young whipper-snapper! :D

*hides your gin* :p

...yes I knew that you would click this thread with enthusiasm

Background:

For the past 2 years a woman who is approximately 3 weeks older than me has always had a better birthday-thing than me (this is due to the curse of having watched the Matrix revelations on my 14th).

I should point out that she is one of those people who never gets spots and achieves things with little effort aka a ****



Lie. It's obvious that your sense of inferior birthday is too deeply entrenched to be overthrown without massive expenditure, or criminal proceedings.

So what you do is this. Organize a party, but the day before call all the guests and without explanation cancel it. Do this so hastily that it borders on deliberate rudeness ... as though some unbelievable opportunity has come your way, and you don't care if half your friends think they're dumped.

Now, disconnect the phone and hide in your room all day ... or better yet, take a bus out of town and rent a crappy motel room for the day. The idea of this is to prevent yourself ever confessing to the lie, for the utter humiliation involved.

Now, don't tell anyone ever, least of all her, what you did for your birthday.

Sure, you'll have a crappy birthday ... but won't it be worth it to deprive her of any information at all to judge your birthday against hers?

I was going to suggest dropping enigmatic hints about what you did, but that might be too much. If she kills herself when her superiority complex implodes, you've put yourself through a miserable birthday for nothing.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if the majority of the most vocal NSG posters are really timid and socially inept individuals in the real world. It often works that way. Mind you, that doesn't mean they can't be entertaining... just mock them mercilessly for their strongly worded online opinions which they can't defend at all when IRL faced with someone who disagrees.

Well, for now maybe.

But when I get my embedded web browser and can access the wisdom of the interwebs without blinking or moving my fingers ... well, I'm going to be President. Of the whole world.

Well, for now maybe.

But when I get my embedded web browser and can access the wisdom of the interwebs without blinking or moving my fingers ... well, I'm going to be President. Of the whole world.That's the spirit! :D

WwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrONG.

Were you looking for this?

http://www.ruinz.net/images/lex-luthor-wrong.jpg

Make friends with her! That'll show her!

Hope you have a good birthday :tongue:

make friends with her! then sabotage her party from within, a few smokes flares maybe releasing a some snakes and scorpions in strategic places, hell but a fish head in the punch bowl

hope you have a good birthday :tongue:

fixed

fixed


Haha :wink:

I think the generals consensus is to either have sex with her, be her friend, or ruin her party.
Or some combination thereof.

I think the generals consensus is to either have sex with her, be her friend, or ruin her party.
Or some combination thereof.

Well there it is you have sex with her, then become her friend and then ruin her party. All things considered you should beat her, have a good time yourself and remember this chain of events in 10 years time and still have fond memories of this experience and isn't this what we are always after fond memories and good experiences?

I think the generals consensus is to either have sex with her, be her friend, or ruin her party.
Or some combination thereof.

Problems with that.

Have sex with her. If that's going to spoil her day, the OP would have to be pretty bad in the sack. Sounds like they've known each other a while ... so she would know that already and refuse.
Be her friend. If THAT's going to spoil her day, what kind of party is she going to have anyway? Even gate-crashers know that the first thing to do is learn the name of the host(ess) and say you're their friend.

Leaving "Ruin her party." The trick is to do that without being pathetic.

I gotta say, most of the party-ruining tricks sound like good clean fun to me. I suggest: send someone along with an ounce of cocaine, and call the cops. You can have fun in a burning building ... but in a police station?

And this is just in time for my 14th birthday which is the 23rd.

Hey, hey Happy Birthday WMU, another year older.

What you got planned and why am I not invited :wink:

Hey, hey Happy Birthday WMU, another year older.

What you got planned and why am I not invited :wink:

Thanks! As for what I got planned, I'm probably gonna be either on the computer or play the Xbox360.

And this is just in time for my 14th birthday which is the 23rd.

Really, don't get into that "I had a better party than you" shit.

Thanks! As for what I got planned, I'm probably gonna be either on the computer or play the Xbox360.

At risk of sounding old ...

When the calendar went into four digits, 99 to 2000, the general wisdom was that it was better not be in an airplane, or in surgery, or near a military target. The "Millennium Bug" ... well, people laugh now but computer malfunction leading to infrastructure failure seemed a real possibility then.

I didn't buy all of the hype, but I'd decided to turn my computer off in case there was a blackout, or power surge which could damage it. I thought I would probably watch the fireworks on the TV, or even wander out into the street in case some girl wanted kissing. About eleven, I saved my game of Civilization 3 and started to shut the computer down.

It was 2:30 AM, 1 Jan 2000. I'd missed it. Whatever. Went back to the game. (Played to dawn, Civ is like that.)

Really, don't get into that "I had a better party than you" shit.

Hey, I was just saying it! And it's on the 23rd, the day after tomorrow(I like the finnish way of saying that more, it's shorter).

Hey, I was just saying it!

Happy birthday for the day after tomorrow, then! :)

And it's on the 23rd, the day after tomorrow(I like the finnish way of saying that more, it's shorter).

"Two days hence" is the shortest I can make it in English.

How is it in Finnish?

Happy birthday for the day after tomorrow, then! :)



"Two days hence" is the shortest I can make it in English.

How is it in Finnish?

Ylihuomenna.

have a good time yourself

cake + presents + alcohol = me getting shitfaced and having everyone look after me :wink:

the OP would have to be pretty bad in the sack.

:eek2: how did you know?!?

...err I mean of course not *gets everyone too drunk to remember*

snip

how does it feel to be conceived on valentines?

I'm probably gonna be either on the computer or play the Xbox360.

Lol @ NSG.

You're voting for McCain, you should have your bday party at a retirement- home.

Happy bday!