Zombie PotatoHeads
14-10-2008, 13:23
They're not mine, but well worth a chuckle in today's financial climate.
How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realising she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general's son: 'Icesave?!' What is this, some sort of scam?"
Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"
What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's.
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Three investment bankers are sitting outside a coffee shop, sipping glumly on their cappucinos. The first one says "It's terrible, I have lost five million on my accounts this morning, there is no way to recover my losses. When I get back inside I'm going to go past my office, up to the fifth floor, open a window and jump out" The second one says "You think that's bad; I've lost nine million on my accounts in the last hour, I have nothing left. I'm going to ride the lift all the way up to the ninth, open a window and jump out" The third one says "I'm glad our building only has thirty floors."
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets.
Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?
A: To ask for their money back.
Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty.
Feel free to post any other jokes you've heard!
How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.
An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realising she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general's son: 'Icesave?!' What is this, some sort of scam?"
Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"
What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's.
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Three investment bankers are sitting outside a coffee shop, sipping glumly on their cappucinos. The first one says "It's terrible, I have lost five million on my accounts this morning, there is no way to recover my losses. When I get back inside I'm going to go past my office, up to the fifth floor, open a window and jump out" The second one says "You think that's bad; I've lost nine million on my accounts in the last hour, I have nothing left. I'm going to ride the lift all the way up to the ninth, open a window and jump out" The third one says "I'm glad our building only has thirty floors."
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets.
Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?
A: To ask for their money back.
Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty.
Feel free to post any other jokes you've heard!