NationStates Jolt Archive

Some will say "Get a blog," but has anyone here ever felt so bad that they wanted to kill themselves, but didn't because you know it wouldn't solve anything, and then actually felt worse because of that?

Actually dying solves everything. Mostly because being dead it will no longer be your problem.

Some will say "Get a blog," but has anyone here ever felt so bad that they wanted to kill themselves, but didn't because you know it wouldn't solve anything, and then actually felt worse because of that?

I don't quite understand. If you're dead, you don't feel...so it would seem to solve most problems in my understanding of the word. The line of reasoning I often end up on is this: It would solve things, but a) I'm far too much of a coward to do it b) There are family and friends it would upset and c) The hope that things will somehow look better in the future, a possibility that makes it worth hanging around just in case.

I don't quite understand. If you're dead, you don't feel...so it would seem to solve most problems in my understanding of the word. The line of reasoning I often end up on is this: It would solve things, but a) I'm far too much of a coward to do it b) There are family and friends it would upset and c) The hope that things will somehow look better in the future, a possibility that makes it worth hanging around just in case.

See, that's why it won't solve anything.

See, that's why it won't solve anything.

Am I correct in guessing from this that its some issue with family/friends thats making you feel this way? In that they'd still be angry/upset with you...sorry if I'm reading too much into this or you don't want to elaborate.

How do you know that you wouldn't feel even worse if you had attempted to kill yourself? Most attempts at suicide fail, and then your problems are still there, but now you also look like a horse's ass and probably have a disfiguring scar.

how long have you felt this way?

How do you know that you wouldn't feel even worse if you had attempted to kill yourself? Most attempts at suicide fail, and then your problems are still there, but now you also look like a horse's ass and probably have a disfiguring scar.

Hey, it'll only fail if you take the long painful route. The quick and easy route usually succeeds. Mainly because once you start on that route, there's not that much time to "re-think" things.

Hey, it'll only fail if you take the long painful route. The quick and easy route usually succeeds. Mainly because once you start on that route, there's not that much time to "re-think" things.

Fun fact, Women are more likely to attempt suicide. Men are more likely to succeed. Presumably because women tend towards pills and the like.

Fun fact, Women are more likely to attempt suicide. Men are more likely to succeed. Presumably because women tend towards pills and the like.

and men usually blow their brains out.

I can't even remember the first time I started thinking about suicide.
I must have been under ten somewhere.
The reason?
Well, mostly because of a verbally abusing mother,
but also a natural inclination towards cynicism.

At twelve I tried to end it all, but it failed, and I never attempted it again.
Partly for fear of failing, stop existing/experiencing, partly for fear of succeeding.
Even today I still experience moments of utter despair and hopelessness.
They tend to come around most when I go to bed,
as my mind is always racing, never stops thinking.
And it ultimately leads to those thoughts.

At other times, a small surge of intense joy.
But both of those extremes are rather few and fleeting.
My normal mood could be described as the original cynicism I started out with.

I like to remind myself that even though it all seems very bleak,
if I continue on, I might experience better times.
And that is preferable to not experiencing at all.
Which will happen regardless in the end, unfortunately.

Callisdrun, yes I have in the past felt like that, the important thing is not to, and not to think about killing yourself, it is the cowards way out and does not do anything productive as well as maybe making things worse for people that you care very deeply about. I would suggest you speak to someone close to you who will listen and if you like give some advice and may be able to help you through your problems. I am unsure if CA has a free depression helpline or something but if so I would also say call them up. There will be times such as now when you think that nothing will fix itself up, but you should never give up, fight for it and you will be stronger for it and things will be better because of it.

Fun fact, Women are more likely to attempt suicide. Men are more likely to succeed. Presumably because women tend towards pills and the like.

I would make a joke here, but it doesn't feel right

Am I correct in guessing from this that its some issue with family/friends thats making you feel this way? In that they'd still be angry/upset with you...sorry if I'm reading too much into this or you don't want to elaborate.

Yeah, friends. But those concerned aren't the only ones who care about me, and there's the whole hurting innocent bystanders thing (emotionally).

How do you know that you wouldn't feel even worse if you had attempted to kill yourself? Most attempts at suicide fail, and then your problems are still there, but now you also look like a horse's ass and probably have a disfiguring scar.

Thanks, that actually made me laugh.

I used to feel this way often, thats why Im on anti-depressents now *nods*

See, that's why it won't solve anything.Would you rather be in a situation where nobody would care if you killed yourself?

how long have you felt this way?

Not long, a few hours, but it happens a lot more than I'd like.

Basically, I just feel like sometimes I fuck things up with my interpersonal relationships that I can't ever hope to fix them. I can't stand it when people say "Oh it's fine, don't worry about it," but things will never be the same again and that will always cloud any future friendship. I just hate it.

Would you rather be in a situation where nobody would care if you killed yourself?

There are times that I would.

Yeah, friends. But those concerned aren't the only ones who care about me, and there's the whole hurting innocent bystanders thing (emotionally).
If you really honestly feel this way, should you not seek professional help?

And as badly as you feel right now, you ARE valued -- else you would not worry about the friends and family you'd be leaving behind -- and you would leave a hole here in the forums.

Is there no one you feel confident in confiding in? Even speaking to a friend off the record would probably be better than isolating yourself and letting this sense of being alone and hurt continue to build.

I just feel like sometimes I fuck things up with my interpersonal relationships that I can't ever hope to fix them. I can't stand it when people say "Oh it's fine, don't worry about it," but things will never be the same again and that will always cloud any future friendship. I just hate it.

I don't know that it will help, but in my experience we all do things that mess up interpersonal relationships from time to time... sometimes, yes, they can't be fixed... sometimes the relationship changes for the worse... but there is a possibility that adversity in some situations actually makes the relationship stronger. I know that's happened to me a couple of times -- where a relationship grew in an unexpected direction after some very hard feelings, and in ways was stronger than before.

If you really honestly feel this way, should you not seek professional help?

And as badly as you feel right now, you ARE valued -- else you would not worry about the friends and family you'd be leaving behind -- and you would leave a hole here in the forums.

Is there no one you feel confident in confiding in? Even speaking to a friend off the record would probably be better than isolating yourself and letting this sense of being alone and hurt continue to build.

I will be seeing my therapist soon. but it was 5:00 AM. I know there are phone lines you can call and shit, but I hate talking on the phone. Even to people I really like, it makes me very uncomfortable and unable to express myself. It's worse with strangers. If I'm going to talk to strangers, I'd rather do it in print.

I will be seeing my therapist soon. but it was 5:00 AM. I know there are phone lines you can call and shit, but I hate talking on the phone. Even to people I really like, it makes me very uncomfortable and unable to express myself. It's worse with strangers. If I'm going to talk to strangers, I'd rather do it in print.

Do you suffer from depression, or are these suicidal thoughts in reaction to a recent event?

Some will say "Get a blog," but has anyone here ever felt so bad that they wanted to kill themselves, but didn't because you know it wouldn't solve anything, and then actually felt worse because of that?
sure.

i think everyone does at one point or another.

but as you have already figured out, there is no sense devastating your family and friends with a drastic act that "fixes" something that you could fix without dying.

I don't know that it will help, but in my experience we all do things that mess up interpersonal relationships from time to time... sometimes, yes, they can't be fixed... sometimes the relationship changes for the worse... but there is a possibility that adversity in some situations actually makes the relationship stronger. I know that's happened to me a couple of times -- where a relationship grew in an unexpected direction after some very hard feelings, and in ways was stronger than before.

It's just that I know it's my fault and I can't stand the helpless feeling of not really being able to do anything to fix it. It will never be the same.

Do you suffer from depression, or are these suicidal thoughts in reaction to a recent event?
Have you changed any medications lately? Sometimes there are drug interactions with other things you are taking -- and unfortunately, sometimes one of the side effects of antidepressants and other medications is to make people feel suicidal.

Not long, a few hours, but it happens a lot more than I'd like.

Basically, I just feel like sometimes I fuck things up with my interpersonal relationships that I can't ever hope to fix them. I can't stand it when people say "Oh it's fine, don't worry about it," but things will never be the same again and that will always cloud any future friendship. I just hate it.

Well, you're better off than people like me who are too useless to even form interpersonal relationships to muck up at a later date:p. I suppose the best way to look at it is as experience: we all make mistakes, the key is to work out anything you did wrong to contribute to the problem and try not to do it again in future. Eventually the issue will usually be forgotten and things could return to normal, and if it isn't then there are always other people to replace friends or whatever that have been lost. If you're having trouble thinking it through and coping with it, then counselling really can help.

Some will say "Get a blog," but has anyone here ever felt so bad that they wanted to kill themselves, but didn't because you know it wouldn't solve anything, and then actually felt worse because of that?

Get a blog is a statement meant for those complaining about really minor things, not for a truly serious question like yours.

I suggest you get some professional counseling immediately. Whatever the problem is, you won't solve it on your own. And don't do anything stupid. http://generalitemafia.ipbfree.com/uploads/ipbfree.com/generalitemafia/emo-Hug_emoticon.gif

Do you suffer from depression, or are these suicidal thoughts in reaction to a recent event?

I have suffered from depression, several times.

You guys don't need to act like I'm about to off myself. As I said, I sorta wish it would fix everything, but I'm not quite stupid enough to believe it will. It would just end up making everything worse for everyone.

I have suffered from depression, several times.

You guys don't need to act like I'm about to off myself. As I said, I sorta wish it would fix everything, but I'm not quite stupid enough to believe it will. It would just end up making everything worse for everyone.
it really would.

suicide of a friend or family member haunts a person for the rest of their lives.

I have suffered from depression, several times.


Well I'm assuming your therapist already knows, but in case he doesn't, make sure you let him know about these thoughts.

It would just end up making everything worse for everyone.

Just make sure to keep repeating this to yourself whenever you feel suicidal. :)

Do you suffer from depression, or are these suicidal thoughts in reaction to a recent event?

Of course, the answer to this question could very well be "yes". Depression and thoughts of suicide can run on separate tracks.

As to the OP: Yep, feeling stuck like that really blows chunks, doesn't it? I'd offer advice, but I think everybody has their own little tricks to fool their brain into working properly again. TG me if you want ideas from a complete stranger.

it really would.

suicide of a friend or family member haunts a person for the rest of their lives.

And if the extended family is close, for a generation or two afterwards. One of my great grandfathers jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

..has anyone here ever felt so bad that they wanted to kill themselves, but didn't because you know it wouldn't solve anything, and then actually felt worse because of that?
Not me. I was successful, that's why I never felt this.

Not me. I was successful, that's why I never felt this.

What has success got to do with it?

It's just that I know it's my fault and I can't stand the helpless feeling of not really being able to do anything to fix it. It will never be the same.

Forgive me if this answer excludes a vital detail that is rather personal, but this kind of thinking strikes me as rather irrational. And of course it will never be the same, friendships change over time, I'd be worried if they were exactly the same for a long period. The trick is to not convince yourself that there is nothing that you can do, but that through forgiveness and hard work, all fractured friendships are repairable.

Forgive me if this answer excludes a vital detail that is rather personal, but this kind of thinking strikes me as rather irrational. And of course it will never be the same, friendships change over time, I'd be worried if they were exactly the same for a long period. The trick is to not convince yourself that there is nothing that you can do, but that through forgiveness and hard work, all fractured friendships are repairable.

Rationality isn't that present at moment. I was never the most rational person to begin with, anyway.

It's just, a change for the worse, that I can't fix, can't change to something else that's as good or better.

Rationality isn't that present at moment. I was never the most rational person to begin with, anyway.

It's just, a change for the worse, that I can't fix, can't change to something else that's as good or better.

Meh it's overated anyhoo!

Irrationality is fun.

Having said that, don't kill yaself.

It's just, a change for the worse, that I can't fix, can't change to something else that's as good or better.

If someone dies, this cannot be changed and life will irrevocably be different, but this is no reason to despair, only to celebrate their life and your time together. If a relationship has completely broken down, then all that is possible is to start again, with the knowledge that you can prevent the break happening again.

If someone dies, this cannot be changed and life will irrevocably be different, but this is no reason to despair, only to celebrate their life and your time together. If a relationship has completely broken down, then all that is possible is to start again, with the knowledge that you can prevent the break happening again.

Or, realize that it's a possibility to find someone you are better suited for. Sometimes a break up happens because two people really aren't meant to be together.

Fun fact, Women are more likely to attempt suicide. Men are more likely to succeed. Presumably because women tend towards pills and the like.

.45 aspirin. Success guaranteed or your money back.

.45 aspirin. Success guaranteed or your money back.

Put gun in mouth, aim for the Cerebellum (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebellum), also guaranteed.

Yes, we actually talked about which part of the brain you'd have to terminate in order to stop living in my Anatomy classes. :D

I used to be a little suicidal, until someone in my old school actually did it. That kinda shocked me into changing my ways. I now live by my philosophy.

Never give up.

Simple, and common, but effective. I'm not giving up on anything without giving it my best shot first. Now I have a job, a social life, and i'm in a relationship. All because I never gave up. And I never give up on my friends either. I've helped so many people out of their own darkness in recent years.

So nowadays I spend my life helping people, not hurting. Sometimes you have to step back and stop being so self centered. Helping others is a great way to help yourself.

You guys don't need to act like I'm about to off myself. As I said, I sorta wish it would fix everything, but I'm not quite stupid enough to believe it will. It would just end up making everything worse for everyone.
We're just worried about ya.

I'm going to stay away from this thread because it upsets me, but I want to say 3 things:

1) As Kat said, we are concerned about you, Callisdrun. Please don't hurt yourself and seek medical help.

2) Can we have the simple decency not to give advice on how to kill oneself, even in jest? Is that too much to ask of NSG?

3) The vast, vast majority of suicides are symptoms of mental illness. That isn't funny, it isn't philosophical agnst, it is a public health issue.

Well I was being quite serious, so I agree with you there Cat.

2) Can we have the simple decency not to give advice on how to kill oneself, even in jest? Is that too much to ask of NSG?

Yes, yes it is. Let's be honest with ourselves though, most people who say they are going to commit suicide are looking for attention. The ones who are serious about it, just do it without the fan fair.

Yes, yes it is. Let's be honest with ourselves though, most people who say they are going to commit suicide are looking for attention. The ones who are serious about it, just do it without the fan fair.

you have any actual psychological source or experience backing that up?

Yes, yes it is.

Then I'm afraid my opinion of some members of NSG will just drop even lower. :(

Let's be honest with ourselves though, most people who say they are going to commit suicide are looking for attention. The ones who are serious about it, just do it without the fan fair.

Not true. But I have to ask, on what do you base this nonsense?

I'm speaking not only from personal experience, but from research such as this from the National Institute of Mental Health (http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/suicide-in-the-us-statistics-and-prevention.shtml):

Most suicide attempts are expressions of extreme distress, not harmless bids for attention. A person who appears suicidal should not be left alone and needs immediate mental-health treatment.

Not true. But I have to ask, on what do you base this nonsense?

He's Wilgrove, since when have his opinions about things ever been firmly grounded in reality?

I'm sure he knew a guy once who was just like that.

I was about to do myself away over summer time. No one knows about this, except you guys now. I was very depressed and had a rope around my neck. And right before I jumped off of my stool, i thought to myself

"What does this solve?" Sure, I could be escaping from the pain of being lonely and isolated. But what else does it solve? It doesn't solve the fact that my family will be burdened by what I did. It doesn't solve the fact that I would leave behind friends who actually did care. It wouldn't solve any of the problems that I might have been facing. I realized that it was just the easy way to escape the pain inside. So then I began to think to myself, why give up control of the one thing that I can have control over, which is my own life. I might not be able to control what happens around me, or to me by outside influences, but damn it, I can still have control over what I am doing, and by killing myself I am giving up that bit of control I have, in order to become a slave to the depression that was gripping me. There come these points in my life, at least, where I am on the edge, and its either A) Be pushed off, or B) Push back, and every time I have decided to push back and fight what ever it was that was confronting me. And you know what? Every time I fight back, I start to win. And then I realize that I have become better because of it. That depression I had? Not a symptom has emerged since I decided to fight back. We all have the ability to fight back, it is up to each and every one of us, on whether or not we will let our lives be controlled by our circumstance, or if we will control our own lives.

The ones who are serious about it, just do it without the fan fair.

This is one of those things that I've heard a lot and have never heard a shred of evidence to back it up. Anti-suicide groups tend to state the opposite, though I haven't found sources for their claims either.

EDIT: TCT beat me to it, though I still haven't found sources for specifics like the stats claimed on metanoia.org (http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/whattodo.htm).

Some will say "Get a blog," but has anyone here ever felt so bad that they wanted to kill themselves, but didn't because you know it wouldn't solve anything, and then actually felt worse because of that?

Nope.

Yes, yes it is. Let's be honest with ourselves though, most people who say they are going to commit suicide are looking for attention. The ones who are serious about it, just do it without the fan fair.

How cold hearted are you? Days before my attempt I kept joking around about it, hoping that someone would pull me aside and see if everything was okay. No one did, because they all thought I was just messing around. Was I seeking attention? Yes, but not for the purpose of having attention. It was for the purpose of trying to heal the whole in my life at that time. Even if the poster is just seeking attention for attentions sake, we should still treat it seriously, because we really don't know what is going on with him/her.

Thank you to those who were concerned. Though I was feeling as awful as can be earlier, I wasn't going to kill myself or anything selfish like that. Perhaps duty is an irrational thing, but the idea of hurting people I care about so far has been too terrible for me to actually attempt suicide.

I didn't intend for this to turn into a suicide thread. At the time, I felt really, unimaginably terrible about myself. And at those times, the worst company for myself is me. I needed to talk to someone, and I mentioned my inability to really talk about things on a phone. And my friends... well... my failures as a friend were partly responsible for me feeling so low. It just frightens and disgusts me that I'm such a terrible person, and I don't know how I got to be such.

I won't say I'm fine now, because I'm not. But I'm less bad.

Thank you to those who were concerned. Though I was feeling as awful as can be earlier, I wasn't going to kill myself or anything selfish like that. Perhaps duty is an irrational thing, but the idea of hurting people I care about so far has been too terrible for me to actually attempt suicide.

Hurting our loved ones is something we all wish to avoid. I've been in your position in my teenage years, and I understand the pain. It's what put me off suicide too.

I didn't intend for this to turn into a suicide thread. At the time, I felt really, unimaginably terrible about myself. And at those times, the worst company for myself is me. I needed to talk to someone, and I mentioned my inability to really talk about things on a phone. And my friends... well... my failures as a friend were partly responsible for me feeling so low. It just frightens and disgusts me that I'm such a terrible person, and I don't know how I got to be such.

I won't say I'm fine now, because I'm not. But I'm less bad.

Don't be so quick to put yourself down. I was always doing that - seeing the worst in myself and hating myself for it. Failures in friendship occur all the time. And I know it hurts when that happens. But you can't always blame yourself for every little thing.

...And you know what? I don't think you are a terrible person. You have expressed yourself, given us a glimpse of your pain. I see a troubled mind, with the capacity to do good. I found that the main problem is that we are all too inwardly focused. Go out into your community. Do some good for the people around you. Helping others is a great way to help yourself. It makes you feel... useful to society, and makes you feel so much better.

Us folks at NSG may be nutty, but we always take a person in distress seriously. And we won't leave them down. we will do our best to pull you from the shadow. Remember my three word motto: Never give up.

The thing about thinking about suicide is that when you start it's hard to get out of the cycle of thinking about it. If you are down and you are feeling hopeless, you need to seek help from someone unbiased, like a doctor. If you are depressed and you've felt this way for a long time and can't stop thinking about it, you also need to see a doctor. If you actually have plans, you need to call emergency services. It is an emergency and they will help you. No matter who you are.

I believe that people who are really suicidal will seek out help until the point that they are so hurt and have been shut down so many times that asking for help is more painful than just dying. All of you that have been helping to hurt someone already in pain should be ashamed of yourselves. You all should also seek help from a doctor. Picking at the weak is a sign of mental health deficiency.