NationStates Jolt Archive

Who wins in a fight.

Zombie jesus with his undead hords.

Raptor jesus with the carnivores on his side.

Zombie Jesus, because every raptor that dies becomes a zombie raptor. But his victory will be short-lived, because once he takes Raptor Jesus, Raptor Jesus becomes Zombie Raptor Jesus. And Zombie Jesus can't beat Zombie Raptor Jesus.

Touche

Captain Planet Jesus wins. He has earth, fire , wind, water and heart.

What if captin planet Jesus was restriced to heart.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v421/jaisenlaviero/RaptorJesus.jpg

Raptor Jesus can use firearms.

What if Jesus is trying to pull a Jet Li by travelling all across the multiverse killing off other versions of himself to become The One Messiah?

:D :D

What is Jesus is trying to pull a Jet Li by travelling all across the multiverse killing off other versions of himself to become The One Messiah?

:D :D

yes, lets assume thats whats happening.

What if captin planet Jesus was restriced to heart.

Then he could simply revive the zombie (or at least cast clericspells on him ;))
For the raptor it depends how hungry they are.

So how long before Steel Jesus and Cyborg Jesus show up?

:D

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v421/jaisenlaviero/RaptorJesus.jpg

Raptor Jesus can use firearms.

Apperantly Raptor Jesus uses Israeli firearms. Well, he was Israeli.

Apperantly Raptor Jesus uses Israeli firearms. Well, he was Israeli.

Duh. Jewish guns for a Jewish dinosaur.

So how long before Steel Jesus and Cyborg Jesus show up?

:D

From my research, it would appear that there are many Jesii that could show up. The major ones appear to be...

Original Jesus
Jebus
Jesus H. Christ
Ted Jesus Christ God
Jesus Hasselhoff
Ultra Jesus
Canadian Jesus
Paperclip Jesus
Plastic Jesus
Black Jesus
Jesusware
Personal Jesus
Jesús
Lorem Ipsum Jesus

And our two competitors.

Then there are the minor Jesii:

Sony Jesus
Jesus of Nazareth
Dark Jesus
Jesus Christ - Alcoholic
King Jesus
Purple Jesus
Pirate Ninja Jesus
Super Jebus
Jesus Marx
Republican Jesus
Hide and Go Jesus
Hardcore Jesus
Jihad Jesus
Stephen Colbert
Ultimate Jesus
MC Jesus
Lobster Jesus
Accordion Jesus
Supply-side Jesus
Kyle Broflovski
The Artist Formerly Known as Jesus
Jeez
Messiah
Jesus Fucking Christ
Disco Jesus
Billy Mays
Je (element)
Jesus 1.5a
Jesus LaBrie
Metal Jesus
Pet Jesus
Steve Irwin
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Bizarro Jesus
Captain Jesus

The rest are the so-so Jesii, which can be divded into three subcategories:

Monster:

Jesusaurus Rex
DinoJesus
Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
Jesus-Sonic
Werejesus
Llama Jesus
Zombie Jesus
King of the Shrews

Munchie:

Jeez-its
Jesus Juice
Jam Jesus
Cheese Jesus
Hershey's Jesii and Creme
Sweet Jesus on a Stick!

And the Mecha:

Cyborg Jesus
JESUS 9000
Optijesus Prime
Robot Jesus
All-purpose Jesus

Lest you think this was my imagination, this list actually does exist out there in the great interwebs. There is a list of Hitlers of similar size, in fact.

http://images.istheshit.net/xmyxmaxk.jpg

'Nuff said.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v421/jaisenlaviero/RaptorJesus.jpg

Raptor Jesus can use firearms.

Zombie Jesus is largely immune to ballistic weapons.

Christianity.

Neither would win. They'd both get distracted by Nintendo and made into a video game where they get stomped on by Jesus Mario, who will use the tagline "It'sa me, Jesus!"

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter would come and wrasle them both.
http://www.headinjurytheater.com/jesus%20vamp%20poster.jpg

From my research, it would appear that there are many Jesii that could show up. The major ones appear to be...

Original Jesus
Jebus
Jesus H. Christ
Ted Jesus Christ God
Jesus Hasselhoff
Ultra Jesus
Canadian Jesus
Paperclip Jesus
Plastic Jesus
Black Jesus
Jesusware
Personal Jesus
Jesús
Lorem Ipsum Jesus

And our two competitors.

Then there are the minor Jesii:

Sony Jesus
Jesus of Nazareth
Dark Jesus
Jesus Christ - Alcoholic
King Jesus
Purple Jesus
Pirate Ninja Jesus
Super Jebus
Jesus Marx
Republican Jesus
Hide and Go Jesus
Hardcore Jesus
Jihad Jesus
Stephen Colbert
Ultimate Jesus
MC Jesus
Lobster Jesus
Accordion Jesus
Supply-side Jesus
Kyle Broflovski
The Artist Formerly Known as Jesus
Jeez
Messiah
Jesus Fucking Christ
Disco Jesus
Billy Mays
Je (element)
Jesus 1.5a
Jesus LaBrie
Metal Jesus
Pet Jesus
Steve Irwin
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Bizarro Jesus
Captain Jesus

The rest are the so-so Jesii, which can be divded into three subcategories:

Monster:

Jesusaurus Rex
DinoJesus
Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
Jesus-Sonic
Werejesus
Llama Jesus
Zombie Jesus
King of the Shrews

Munchie:

Jeez-its
Jesus Juice
Jam Jesus
Cheese Jesus
Hershey's Jesii and Creme
Sweet Jesus on a Stick!

And the Mecha:

Cyborg Jesus
JESUS 9000
Optijesus Prime
Robot Jesus
All-purpose Jesus

Lest you think this was my imagination, this list actually does exist out there in the great interwebs. There is a list of Hitlers of similar size, in fact.

No ninja Jesus?

Supply-side Jesus
Minor? He's the one who will win the fight against both zombie and raptor!

Supply Side Jesus: The Movie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK7gI5lMB7M



(Or, for those without flash, the original comic (http://www.beliefnet.com/story/132/story_13245.html))



No ninja Jesus?
That list is detailed here:
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Jesus

There's a Pirate Ninja Jesus. And yes, each got an article.

http://www.luciferianliberationfront.org/jesoborg.gif

Jesus of Borg will assimilate you into the collective.

Zombie Jesus is largely immune to ballistic weapons.

Only if its not a headshot.

Minor? He's the one who will win the fight against both zombie and raptor!

Supply Side Jesus: The Movie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AK7gI5lMB7M



(Or, for those without flash, the original comic: [url=http://www.beliefnet.com/story/132/story_13245.html[/url])


Here's a quick bio from a reputable Historian:

Supply-side Jesus is often confused with Jesus, Cheesus Chrust, and/or Jesus H Christ. Supply-side Jesus was born around 4 BC to a poor family of beggars and hobos. At the young age of 6, he invented the theory of supply-side economics. He opened up his own lemonade stand and became a millionaire by age 7. His theory was that the richer people make him, the more well off everybody else will be. So he went out and preached to the unwashed masses.

Those who follow the teachings of Supply-side Jesus often become immensely rich, because they convince others to give them money so that everyone else will be better off. Often times Supply-side Jesus is confused with Regular Jesus thusly corrupting thousands of Christians in America (you see that this bullshit economic theory doesn't make sense outside of America).

http://www.overcompensating.com/posts/20071030.html

That's the origional jesus, right.

Zombie Jesus, because every raptor that dies becomes a zombie raptor. But his victory will be short-lived, because once he takes Raptor Jesus, Raptor Jesus becomes Zombie Raptor Jesus. And Zombie Jesus can't beat Zombie Raptor Jesus.

Epic win. And remember folks...
http://faroutshirts.com/images/raptorJesus-pnged.png

Raptor Jesus, through and through.

well theres is a big misconception about zombie jesus, he is just plain old jesus ( although not plain old zombie, he was the first Zombie to ever walk the earth). so therefore Raptor Jesus would win becaus he would be a zombie and a raptor.

well theres is a big misconception about zombie jesus, he is just plain old jesus ( although not plain old zombie, he was the first Zombie to ever walk the earth). so therefore Raptor Jesus would win becaus he would be a zombie and a raptor.

And predating Jesus by a few million years. Raptor Jesus is teh awesome!:hail:

What tpe of zombie as a platform? As in Hollywood, ledgends, or The Zombie Survival Guide?

Epic win.

You should sig it. Then I'll have gotten like, five sigs.

What tpe of zombie as a platform? As in Hollywood, ledgends, or The Zombie Survival Guide?

okay here we go with the technical stuff: Well any, aren't zombies reanimated corpses all of them (yeah yeah we know you consider the infected from 28 days later zombies true they do fall under that categorie according to me becaus of the "survival horror" type movie but technically they are not dead therefore not zombies)? Now didn't Jesus Die? and came back?(this is the zombie part)

p.s. now i don't know mush about all this jesus stuff so please correct me if i am wrong.

From my research, it would appear that there are many Jesii that could show up. The major ones appear to be...

Original Jesus
Jebus
Jesus H. Christ
Ted Jesus Christ God
Jesus Hasselhoff
Ultra Jesus
Canadian Jesus
Paperclip Jesus
Plastic Jesus
Black Jesus
Jesusware
Personal Jesus
Jesús
Lorem Ipsum Jesus

And our two competitors.

Then there are the minor Jesii:

Sony Jesus
Jesus of Nazareth
Dark Jesus
Jesus Christ - Alcoholic
King Jesus
Purple Jesus
Pirate Ninja Jesus
Super Jebus
Jesus Marx
Republican Jesus
Hide and Go Jesus
Hardcore Jesus
Jihad Jesus
Stephen Colbert
Ultimate Jesus
MC Jesus
Lobster Jesus
Accordion Jesus
Supply-side Jesus
Kyle Broflovski
The Artist Formerly Known as Jesus
Jeez
Messiah
Jesus Fucking Christ
Disco Jesus
Billy Mays
Je (element)
Jesus 1.5a
Jesus LaBrie
Metal Jesus
Pet Jesus
Steve Irwin
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Bizarro Jesus
Captain Jesus

The rest are the so-so Jesii, which can be divded into three subcategories:

Monster:

Jesusaurus Rex
DinoJesus
Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
Jesus-Sonic
Werejesus
Llama Jesus
Zombie Jesus
King of the Shrews

Munchie:

Jeez-its
Jesus Juice
Jam Jesus
Cheese Jesus
Hershey's Jesii and Creme
Sweet Jesus on a Stick!

And the Mecha:

Cyborg Jesus
JESUS 9000
Optijesus Prime
Robot Jesus
All-purpose Jesus

Lest you think this was my imagination, this list actually does exist out there in the great interwebs. There is a list of Hitlers of similar size, in fact.

Personal Jesus- good song
Cobert = YES

You forgot: GODBERRY, King of the Juice

I have a better, much more potent match up for all of you.

Robot Nixon vs Raptor Jesus


I'm putting my bets on http://it-is-law.com/dump/Robot%20Nixon.png

well theres is a big misconception about zombie jesus, he is just plain old jesus ( although not plain old zombie, he was the first Zombie to ever walk the earth). so therefore Raptor Jesus would win becaus he would be a zombie and a raptor.

Untrue. See, zombies are undead. They're not alive, but reanimated through foul Necromancy.

Jesus, being an epic-level Cleric, resurrected himself. This restored him to full life.

Therefore, not a zombie.

Oh, and because I forgot to mention it earlier...

Who wins in a fight.

Zombie jesus with his undead hords.

Raptor jesus with the carnivores on his side.

Zombie Jesus. Easily.



I have a better, much more potent match up for all of you.

Robot Nixon vs Raptor Jesus

I'm putting my bets on http://it-is-law.com/dump/Robot%20Nixon.png

Robot Nixon takes it in a landslide, I'm afraid.

yes, but what about Zombie Pirate Ninja Robot Jesus In A Motherfuckin' Tank? where does he come in?

I win.

From my research, it would appear that there are many Jesii that could show up. The major ones appear to be...

Original Jesus
Jebus
Jesus H. Christ
Ted Jesus Christ God
Jesus Hasselhoff
Ultra Jesus
Canadian Jesus
Paperclip Jesus
Plastic Jesus
Black Jesus
Jesusware
Personal Jesus
Jesús
Lorem Ipsum Jesus

And our two competitors.

Then there are the minor Jesii:

Sony Jesus
Jesus of Nazareth
Dark Jesus
Jesus Christ - Alcoholic
King Jesus
Purple Jesus
Pirate Ninja Jesus
Super Jebus
Jesus Marx
Republican Jesus
Hide and Go Jesus
Hardcore Jesus
Jihad Jesus
Stephen Colbert
Ultimate Jesus
MC Jesus
Lobster Jesus
Accordion Jesus
Supply-side Jesus
Kyle Broflovski
The Artist Formerly Known as Jesus
Jeez
Messiah
Jesus Fucking Christ
Disco Jesus
Billy Mays
Je (element)
Jesus 1.5a
Jesus LaBrie
Metal Jesus
Pet Jesus
Steve Irwin
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Bizarro Jesus
Captain Jesus

The rest are the so-so Jesii, which can be divded into three subcategories:

Monster:

Jesusaurus Rex
DinoJesus
Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
Jesus-Sonic
Werejesus
Llama Jesus
Zombie Jesus
King of the Shrews

Munchie:

Jeez-its
Jesus Juice
Jam Jesus
Cheese Jesus
Hershey's Jesii and Creme
Sweet Jesus on a Stick!

And the Mecha:

Cyborg Jesus
JESUS 9000
Optijesus Prime
Robot Jesus
All-purpose Jesus

Lest you think this was my imagination, this list actually does exist out there in the great interwebs. There is a list of Hitlers of similar size, in fact.

You forgot Ol' Dirty Bastard, a.k.a. "Big Baby Jesus"

yes, but what about Zombie Pirate Ninja Robot Jesus In A Motherfuckin' Tank? where does he come in?

Disqualified for heavy substance abuse.

What about atheist Jesus- the most conflicted person ever to exist?

Zombie Jesus, because every raptor that dies becomes a zombie raptor. But his victory will be short-lived, because once he takes Raptor Jesus, Raptor Jesus becomes Zombie Raptor Jesus. And Zombie Jesus can't beat Zombie Raptor Jesus.

I'm taking this. Anyone have it yet?

Oh, and the Jesus action figure would win. No one ever suspects the toy! :)

What about atheist Jesus- the most conflicted person ever to exist?

He's with the rest of the Unwanted Jesii:

Jesus Hitler
Prehistoric Jesus
Et Jesus
Piss Jesus
Djesus
Evil Jesus
lol, Jesus
Morbus Jesus
Atheist Jesus
Premium Jesus
The Bee-Jesus
Chiropractor Jesus
Bjesus
McJesus
Jesus of Jerusalem
Society of Jesus

Atheist Jesus was God's second attempt at a son through virgin birth, born to be a support to his similarly named brother Jesus. Jesus' skepticism over his supposed origin meant he was largely written out of the Bible.

chuck noris-jesus would win with jesus christ superstar as his sidekick

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition Jesus!

Let's not forget Professor Jesus.

Professor Jesus, the Messiah that proved the validity of the evolution theory!

And then there's Admiral Jesus, Count Jesus, Darth Jesus...

I was wondering what happened with Anakin Jesus after all those unfortunate incidents.... gone over to the Dark Side, has he?

He didn't die for our sins - He used them to become stronger.

How Nietzschean.

Indeed.

Is it just me, or are we in the process of slow chatting with each other, Vampire Knight Zero? In times like these I often ask myself the following question: What Would Forum Troll Jesus Do?

Please, just call me Zero. I think Forum Troll Jesus would be unleashing his flamethrower about now...

ooooo flame war I want in I want in . .oh . . . .*slinks back under bridge to await arrival of goats*

*Predicts the comming of Goat Jesus*

lmao

*Predicts the comming of Lolcat Jesus*

Please, just call me Zero. I think Forum Troll Jesus would be unleashing his flamethrower about now...

Actually I don't have a flamethrower.

I just find something amusing on Fox news to post.

From my research, it would appear that there are many Jesii that could show up. The major ones appear to be...

Original Jesus
Jebus
Jesus H. Christ
Ted Jesus Christ God
Jesus Hasselhoff
Ultra Jesus
Canadian Jesus
Paperclip Jesus
Plastic Jesus
Black Jesus
Jesusware
Personal Jesus
Jesús
Lorem Ipsum Jesus

And our two competitors.

Then there are the minor Jesii:

Sony Jesus
Jesus of Nazareth
Dark Jesus
Jesus Christ - Alcoholic
King Jesus
Purple Jesus
Pirate Ninja Jesus
Super Jebus
Jesus Marx
Republican Jesus
Hide and Go Jesus
Hardcore Jesus
Jihad Jesus
Stephen Colbert
Ultimate Jesus
MC Jesus
Lobster Jesus
Accordion Jesus
Supply-side Jesus
Kyle Broflovski
The Artist Formerly Known as Jesus
Jeez
Messiah
Jesus Fucking Christ
Disco Jesus
Billy Mays
Je (element)
Jesus 1.5a
Jesus LaBrie
Metal Jesus
Pet Jesus
Steve Irwin
Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
Bizarro Jesus
Captain Jesus

The rest are the so-so Jesii, which can be divded into three subcategories:

Monster:

Jesusaurus Rex
DinoJesus
Attack of the 500 foot Jesus
Jesus-Sonic
Werejesus
Llama Jesus
Zombie Jesus
King of the Shrews

Munchie:

Jeez-its
Jesus Juice
Jam Jesus
Cheese Jesus
Hershey's Jesii and Creme
Sweet Jesus on a Stick!

And the Mecha:

Cyborg Jesus
JESUS 9000
Optijesus Prime
Robot Jesus
All-purpose Jesus

Lest you think this was my imagination, this list actually does exist out there in the great interwebs. There is a list of Hitlers of similar size, in fact.

You have obviously forgotten Buddy Christ.

http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=130#comic

yep

Actually I don't have a flamethrower.

So you claim to be Forum Troll Jesus. Can you proof it? Also, would you be able to defeat Zombie Jesus & Raptor Jesus?