NationStates Jolt Archive

What do you think of them?

Are they worth it? If so, how long are they worthwhile (i.e. how long a separation would you be willing to deal with before being able to be together again)?

I had one. It didn't work. But then neither have any of my short term ones. It's almost 10pm and I'm sitting in my room reading Naomi Klein.

The end.

Construct additional pylons.


You know, that almost sounds like an enlightened comment in this scenario. Personally I'm not quite sure of my thoughts on such relationships, I'm never comfortable with a position of mine till I've distilled it down to a succinct phrase. Let's see what the internet of the future has to offer, maybe that'll make things easier.

It's almost 10pm and I'm sitting in my room reading Naomi Klein.

OoOo... which book?

The Shock Doctrine

A long distance relationship with Naomi Klein. Mmmmmmmmmmmm! I hope it works for you - it works for me!

I had a few, they never worked out.

I think I'm too pragmatic here. I'd always try, as in: Willing and wanting to stay together during the being apart (presuming this relationship is worth pursuing and the physical separation not a welcome excuse to take it out back and shoot it), and making an effort, but also "allowing" for the idea that if either partner realizes they can't bear the LDR anymore, and/or have found somebody else, the deal's off.

.. sorta like with any other relationship.

Been in one since 2001. The longest we've been apart was three months -- we generally manage at least one weekend a month nowadays.

Works well, though I confess I'd like something more like being apart maybe one weekend every few months.

I've done it twice...it's hard as hell. One of those times the distance wound up breaking the relationship.

A long distance relationship with Naomi Klein. Mmmmmmmmmmmm! I hope it works for you - it works for me!
Yeah. I wouldn't say I'm a hardcore Kleinite, but she's immensely enjoyable to read.

(Sorry Dakini, you can have your thread back now.)

Been in one since 2001. The longest we've been apart was three months -- we generally manage at least one weekend a month nowadays.

Works well, though I confess I'd like something more like being apart maybe one weekend every few months.
Do you have a plan for eventually moving to the same city? (if you don't mind my asking)

Yeah. I wouldn't say I'm a hardcore Kleinite, but she's immensely enjoyable to read.

(Sorry Dakini, you can have your thread back now.)
Heh, I'm the one who asked the follow up question. I have to get Shock Doctrine at some point, I read No Logo and enjoyed it.

i think long distance relationships are a pretty cool guy. eh makes sex more difficult and less frequent and doesn't afraid of anything.

We're working on him getting a lateral transfer to come here, yes. My benefits and salary teaching would be much reduced if I moved out of NY.

i think long distance relationships are a pretty cool guy. eh makes sex more difficult and less frequent and doesn't afraid of anything.

Dear Ifreann, have you been drinking, or taking those funny pills again? Your post is a mess.

I've had good and bad, same as any kind of relationship.

It's just more work. But if you're with the right person it doesn't matter.

We're working on him getting a lateral transfer to come here, yes. My benefits and salary teaching would be much reduced if I moved out of NY.
That's good. :)

It's just more work. But if you're with the right person it doesn't matter.

Yeah, I guess I'm still waiting for some sort of litmus test for that.

Dear Ifreann, have you been drinking, or taking those funny pills again? Your post is a mess.

I work in an off license now. So the former.

I could barely manage a "long-distance" relationship in the same city. We lived about a half hour drive apart, but I don't drive, and he lives on top of a mountain, so I couldn't bus there. Between that and our busy uni/work schedules, we had a hard time making anything work. Personally, I think the fact that he didn't actually want to see me also played a part. :p But that was something I tried not to notice at the time.

I'm in one just now, and it's working out great for us. We've made it through a year already, only three more to go. It's tough for the first month or so, but after a while you get used to it.

Personally, I figure that long-distance relationships break down for the same reasons as regular relationships.

What do you think of them?

Are they worth it? If so, how long are they worthwhile (i.e. how long a separation would you be willing to deal with before being able to be together again)?

I was in three of them. The only reason the third one worked is I moved to where she was after three months.

Personally, I figure that long-distance relationships break down for the same reasons as regular relationships.
This is sort of what I figure... instead of waiting for time period x to be together, you're together all along, just not always in the physical sense so there are the same sorts of issues as in any other relationship except that there's the additional issue that you're not living nearby.

This is sort of what I figure... instead of waiting for time period x to be together, you're together all along, just not always in the physical sense so there are the same sorts of issues as in any other relationship except that there's the additional issue that you're not living nearby.

I think a lot depends on how the parties involved do this "being together while not being together physically" thing. The only LDR I've had involved a partner who'd either not get in touch at all, or not be able to conceal/control/overcome any irritation/tiredness he'd picked up during his day, and thus spoil nearly all phone conversations/texting we had by being in a bad mood and not being able to put that aside and have a nice conversation with me. That, coupled with the fact that he combines the bad traits of being pissed off really easily for virtually no reason at all, and that he's terrible at arguing/having a fight in an adult manner, made for a rather quick downwards spiral in that time.

What do you think of them?

Are they worth it? If so, how long are they worthwhile (i.e. how long a separation would you be willing to deal with before being able to be together again)?

Long-distance relationships are tricky. Humans, being the social beings we are, tend to prefer closeness and intimacy, and therefore long-distance relationships goes against this, making them more difficult.

But they can work just as well--sometimes even better--than normal relationships if you work at them. Trust is an important factor, though, even more so than normally.

As for myself, I would only enter into a long-distance relationship for someone whom I considered truly special. I had one before, one that basically lead to three years of abuse and ended with me finally having had enough and stopping it. I'm not about to put myself out on the line like that again unless I feel the person is truly worth it.

Construct additional pylons.

StarCraft, ftw.



I'm in one now. I moved to Spokane, she's still in Bismarck. It's only 900+ miles, but when you're used to having your lover's legs in your lap while you watch a move and massaging them for her, and you like to do that kind of thing, it can get lonely. We call a lot, she's coming here for Turkey Day and part of Christmas break (we're both profs), and we're meeting at a convention to perform a duet in Pennsylvania in April. Once she logs her third year as a department chair, she'll look for a gig out here.

It's just a matter of patience, and determining whether or not it's worth it to exercise said patience. Besides, it isn't like the women here are lining up to blow me or something.

What do you think of them?

Are they worth it? If so, how long are they worthwhile (i.e. how long a separation would you be willing to deal with before being able to be together again)?

No, I never thought they were worth it.

But now I find myself in one, and as painful as it is to be apart, it's just something we have to do until I can move there. The long-distance aspect of it doesn't really play into the 'worth it' equation. I've found someone who is absolutely perfect for me, even down to his imperfections. I'd endure a hell of a lot more than time apart to make that work.

It's almost 10pm and I'm sitting in my room reading Naomi Klein.


At least she's hot.:p

Been in one since 2001. The longest we've been apart was three months -- we generally manage at least one weekend a month nowadays.

Works well, though I confess I'd like something more like being apart maybe one weekend every few months.

That to me sounds like a play toy. :p

What do you think of them?

Are they worth it? If so, how long are they worthwhile (i.e. how long a separation would you be willing to deal with before being able to be together again)?

If you keep it open I don't see a problem with it as long as you have the patience for it. I don't think just anyone could pull one off.

If you keep it open I don't see a problem with it as long as you have the patience for it. I don't think just anyone could pull one off.

Agreed. I think expecting fidelity on top of the distance is a recipe for disaster.

Agreed. I think expecting fidelity on top of the distance is a recipe for disaster.

As you might have predicted, I disagree. :tongue: As with anything else, I think this depends on the people involved. For some couples, fidelity would be an issue, and for some, it wouldn't.

As you might have predicted, I disagree. :tongue: As with anything else, I think this depends on the people involved. For some couples, fidelity would be an issue, and for some, it wouldn't.
Indeed.

I've been in two. One was a girl who lived 2 hours from where I was, and the distance ended up causing a great deal of problems. But, there were a lot of other problems between me and psycho ex-girlfriend. The next one I was in was one where, due to me moving to Japan and my (then) fiancee continuing her studies back in the States, we ended up being 5,000 miles apart for 2 years and saw each other only during winter and summer breaks for about a month each time.

Yes, it was very hard at times, but what we did was emailed each other once a day and I used an VoIP phone to call every weekend and on some weekdays when she was up late (Damn time difference).

Eventually though, the distance and time apart just grew too much, not to mention other things going on, so my wife and I decided that she should come to Japan and stay here (It being rather hard to have a family when you're that far apart after all. ;) ).

I've been in two. One was a girl who lived 2 hours from where I was, and the distance ended up causing a great deal of problems. But, there were a lot of other problems between me and psycho ex-girlfriend. The next one I was in was one where, due to me moving to Japan and my (then) fiancee continuing her studies back in the States, we ended up being 5,000 miles apart for 2 years and saw each other only during winter and summer breaks for about a month each time.

Yes, it was very hard at times, but what we did was emailed each other once a day and I used an VoIP phone to call every weekend and on some weekdays when she was up late (Damn time difference).

Eventually though, the distance and time apart just grew too much, not to mention other things going on, so my wife and I decided that she should come to Japan and stay here (It being rather hard to have a family when you're that far apart after all. ;) ).

Umm, there is on thing with this that I am unable to comprehend. You say your (then) fiancee was living in the states, and you very rarely saw each other but sent emails everyday. Then you say that you and your wife decided that your fiancee should come to Japan and stay here. Now does that mean you have a wife and a fiancee? Or since it was (then) two wives?

Umm, there is on thing with this that I am unable to comprehend. You say your (then) fiancee was living in the states, and you very rarely saw each other but sent emails everyday. Then you say that you and your wife decided that your fiancee should come to Japan and stay here. Now does that mean you have a wife and a fiancee? Or since it was (then) two wives?
I think he switched from past descriptor (fiancee) to present one (wife) without telling us, but they're both the same person.

I think he switched from past descriptor (fiancee) to present one (wife) without telling us, but they're both the same person.

Yes that would make a bit more sense, oops.

Yes that would make a bit more sense, oops.
Indeed it would. :p

Yes, my wife and I were married while we still lived apart (I went back to the States in July of '06 to get married and returned to Japan in August while she remained behind). We were separated for semester until December, 2006 when my wife moved to Japan. So, all in total, we were apart from July, 2004 to December, 2006 except for the aforementioned summer and winter break visits. It's just at the end our status changed from being engaged to married.

Best luck to you both.

The last few of this thread reminded me of a British Navy toast:

Wives and lovers!
and may they never meet!

What do you think of them?

Waste of time

Are they worth it?

No

My daughter is in a long distance relationship that seems to be working well. He's a college professor in Kentucky and she's an Air Force Officer in Idaho. They love each other, but they get along so much better with the miles between them.

My daughter is in a long distance relationship that seems to be working well. He's a college professor in Kentucky and she's an Air Force Officer in Idaho. They love each other, but they get along so much better with the miles between them.

What are they like together?

What are they like together?

As long as it's only for a short time (say 3-4 weeks) they're fine, any longer than that and they get on each others nerves (this is a profound understatement). BTW, when they're together, they get on everyone else's nerves all the time. Nothing like listening to the nonstop chat of a scientist and a sociologist, both with control issues. No one can get in a word.

As long as it's only for a short time (say 3-4 weeks) they're fine, any longer than that and they get on each others nerves (this is a profound understatement). BTW, when they're together, they get on everyone else's nerves all the time. Nothing like listening to the nonstop chat of a scientist and a sociologist, both with control issues. No one can get in a word.

I'm guessing no one is expecting them to get married any time soon.

I've been in one since April of this year? It's depressing once in a while, but... the question of whether it's "worth it" is not even something that I considered. I love her, distance is just another part of our relationship at the moment. Of course, we met while we were living far apart from one another, and came to be extremely close for months before we started going out... Being apart from each other, even though it's very difficult, is something that we're used to.

And, unless I transfer schools, We'll be apart until a little under two years from now, at the very soonest. And, Sinny, we're both monogamous. :tongue: