NationStates Jolt Archive

Ok you have been given the green light to do a remake of a film. the film can be from any studio, any language and from any time period.

the only thing you cannot remake are
1) TV Movies/series to motion pictures.
2) You cannot remake a sequal (I.e. you cannot remake Star Trek V... You have to start from the first of the series.)
3) You cannot 'reboot' the series. like Batman Begins.

what movie would you remake and what changes would you make, who would you have starring in it?

I'd remake the Star wars PREQUELS! Ha! Loophole! *Dances*

The first answer that leaps to mind, is "Armageddon"... with the same actors, but this time, the change would be to make it 'not shit'.

I'd remake the Star wars PREQUELS! Ha! Loophole! *Dances*

not a loop hole.

what changes would you make?

The first answer that leaps to mind, is "Armageddon"... with the same actors, but this time, the change would be to make it 'not shit'.

Not shit like how?

not a loop hole.

what changes would you make?

I'd make it not-suck. Mostly by making Anakin played by someone else, completly rewriting almost every line of dialogue in all three, and by making Mace Windu say a few lines that Samuel Jackson is famous for.

Oh, and I'd keep puppet Yoda in the first one.

Not shit like how?

What pisses me off, so much, about that movie - is that it already has a pretty awesome cast. How they managed to get such an experienced and talented group of people together, and still make it look like they were 'just there to get paid', I just don't know.

It doesn't help that the basic premise is somewhat nonsensical, the science somewhat laughable, and the script somewhat sophomoric.

It's not really a serious response, though - I don't really want to see that movie remade, if for no other reason than "Deep Impact" was the same basic premise, done a hundred times better. It just pisses me off that someone managed to put... say, Bruce Willis and Steve Buscemi on screen together, and it isn't one of the greatest movies of all time. Unforgivable.

I'd make it not-suck. Mostly by making Anakin played by someone else, completly rewriting almost every line of dialogue in all three, and by making Mace Windu say a few lines that Samuel Jackson is famous for.

Oh, and I'd keep puppet Yoda in the first one.

Keep the ONE decent exchange - the one where Palpatine explains to Anakin about how Sith aren't cartoonishly evil.

Then chop out the bulk of the remainder... where Lucas has decided to show us how cartoonishly evil the Sith are.

I think that, with clever editing, I could condense Warhol's Sleep to 1 hour 31 minutes...

what I would remake...

Bloodrayne: make it a bit closer to the game.
Sysnopsis.
The Brimstone Society instructs Bloodrayne to stop Hitler's research into the occult by eliminating the scientists involved. however things get complicated when she finds that one of the scientists is her father's best friend and she decides to help him escape Nazi Germany.

I would add some wire fighting scenes and a climatic battle with one of the nazi's supernatural creations in a mist filled swamp (for those not familiar with the game. Water has an adverse effect on Bloodrayne.)

hey, the fact that this remake isn't being done by Uwe Boll is a biiiiig improvement right there.

Of course, the cast would be completely different.

Of course, the cast would be completely different.

Hopefully, not completely different?

http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1155268/photo_33.jpg

i would remake "Harvey" (originally with jimmy stewart) with jeff goldblum as elwood p dowd.

Would it count to 'remake' the Bluntman and Chronic stuff from Jay and Silent Bob, as a movie in it's own right?

Hopefully, not completely different?

http://images.rottentomatoes.com/images/movie/gallery/1155268/photo_33.jpg

probably, since the first bloodrayne took place in medival/close to it times and my remake would be either before or during WWII.

i would remake "Harvey" (originally with jimmy stewart) with jeff goldblum as elwood p dowd.

... and with today's SFX... I would definately see that! :D

... and with today's SFX... I would definately see that! :D
yeah. its not that the original NEEDS to be remade, but an update would be cool.

All of Uwe Boll's shitsterpieces. With intelligent writers, intelligent directors and a cast that actually gave a shit about their performance.

yeah. its not that the original NEEDS to be remade, but an update would be cool.

ohhhh.... that reminds me of "the Secret Life of Walter Mitty" with perhaps Jim Carrey.

Edit: too late (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0359950/)...

Edit II: so perhaps Wonder Man (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038260/) with Jim Carrey in the lead...

Would it count to 'remake' the Bluntman and Chronic stuff from Jay and Silent Bob, as a movie in it's own right?

wouldn't that be more of a 'spin-off' than a remake?

I'd remake Terminator, and I'd basically show the man/machine war, how it got started. etc.

"The Legend of Hell House"

While I adore it's "Excuse me, if you don't mind, I think I'm going to panic..." kind of 70's English-in-a-movie reserve, there was a lot of unexplored potential in this little gem.

Problem? No one can touch Roddy McDowall's performance. Anyone you cast in that role is going to be second best, at beast.

But, this movie (I think) hasn't aged well in some respects, and the ending always seemed a bit anticlimactic... almost a joke ending, in fact.

Maybe?

I'd remake "Howard The Duck".

wouldn't that be more of a 'spin-off' than a remake?

Not sure. It would certainly be dialling the focus down a bit....

I'd remake the Star wars PREQUELS! Ha! Loophole! *Dances*

LOL The colonial or medieval version of starwars where blasters were all either reloaded via ramrod or bolt action, said blaster rifles would have light bayonets and starships needed oars or sails in order to run and most weapons were meelee. These would preceed the "modern" star wars we know today obviously. :tongue:

I'd remake Terminator, and I'd basically show the man/machine war, how it got started. etc.
Already in the pipe. Though it's not a remake, it's just a sequel that's coming up...

Keep the ONE decent exchange - the one where Palpatine explains to Anakin about how Sith aren't cartoonishly evil.

Then chop out the bulk of the remainder... where Lucas has decided to show us how cartoonishly evil the Sith are.

And replace Anakin. (Yes, I know I've already said it, but JEEZ!)

i'd remake memento, and make it into a flash-back based story about leonard shelby's life - ultimately linking his dying words to a sled from his childhood

Already in the pipe. Though it's not a remake, it's just a sequel that's coming up...

another Terminator?

can't they wait till AFTER the series?!?

I would remake the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy as one 2.5 hour movie. I'd hire a good screenwriter -- like the guy who did "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" maybe -- to punch up the script. I'd eliminate up to 40% or more of the incidental characters, including every single one in the original trilogy who has more than 2 minutes of screen time without actually being a part of the story. I would eliminate every single slow-motion sequence and get the actors to talk just a little faster. The only roles I would not change except as needed to make them fit the new timeframe would be Golem and Sam. Everything else gets a total rewrite. Everything.

Once all the fat, flab and padding are removed, I think you could get a damn good adventure movie out of that story.

Oh, and I'd put in a lot more of Mordor and Gondor and a lot less of Rohan.

I would remake the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy as one 2.5 hour movie. I'd hire a good screenwriter -- like the guy who did "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" maybe -- to punch up the script. I'd eliminate up to 40% or more of the incidental characters, including every single one in the original trilogy who has more than 2 minutes of screen time without actually being a part of the story. I would eliminate every single slow-motion sequence and get the actors to talk just a little faster. The only roles I would not change except as needed to make them fit the new timeframe would be Golem and Sam. Everything else gets a total rewrite. Everything.

Once all the fat, flab and padding are removed, I think you could get a damn good adventure movie out of that story.

Oh, and I'd put in a lot more of Mordor and Gondor and a lot less of Rohan.
Ha-...Wa....bu-.... HERESY!:mad:

Ha-...Wa....bu-.... HERESY!:mad:
Hehe. Now that is one picket line of protesters out front a theater that I would dearly love to see. :D

another Terminator?

can't they wait till AFTER the series?!?
The series has gone into a parallel timeline and separate canon. I can't blame them and it will no doubt be better for everyone.

I would remake the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy as one 2.5 hour movie. I'd hire a good screenwriter -- like the guy who did "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" maybe -- to punch up the script. I'd eliminate up to 40% or more of the incidental characters, including every single one in the original trilogy who has more than 2 minutes of screen time without actually being a part of the story. I would eliminate every single slow-motion sequence and get the actors to talk just a little faster. The only roles I would not change except as needed to make them fit the new timeframe would be Golem and Sam. Everything else gets a total rewrite. Everything.

Once all the fat, flab and padding are removed, I think you could get a damn good adventure movie out of that story.

Oh, and I'd put in a lot more of Mordor and Gondor and a lot less of Rohan.
it might make an excellent movie (probably would if it focused on mordor) but it wouldnt be lord of the rings.

I would remake Waterloo keep it around its original time but this time adding copulpe of exrtra scenes like When they close the doors at Hougoumount and the Death of Ompteda

I would remake the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy as one 2.5 hour movie. I'd hire a good screenwriter -- like the guy who did "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" maybe -- to punch up the script. I'd eliminate up to 40% or more of the incidental characters, including every single one in the original trilogy who has more than 2 minutes of screen time without actually being a part of the story. I would eliminate every single slow-motion sequence and get the actors to talk just a little faster. The only roles I would not change except as needed to make them fit the new timeframe would be Golem and Sam. Everything else gets a total rewrite. Everything.

Once all the fat, flab and padding are removed, I think you could get a damn good adventure movie out of that story.

Oh, and I'd put in a lot more of Mordor and Gondor and a lot less of Rohan.

Indeed, trim it down to JUST Sam, Frodo and Golem - that's the heart of the story, anyway. And play it from the angle that they're all three aspects of the same person.

Dick Tracy. I would consign Warren Beatty and Madonna to outer darkness and give Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez carte blanche to do for that what they did with Sin City and what looks like they've done for The Spirit

Dick Tracy. I would consign Warren Beatty and Madonna to outer darkness and give Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez carte blanche to do for that what they did with Sin City and what looks like they've done for The Spirit

Sure, if you just want Sin City with bright neon colors. The motion picture was fairly close to the spirit of the original comic strips.

ohhhh.... that reminds me of "the Secret Life of Walter Mitty" with perhaps Jim Carrey.

Edit: too late (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0359950/)...


I don't have high hopes for this. I like Mike Myers, I genuinely do, but he's not a Walter Mitty.
The first actor that comes to mind for this film would be Tony Shalhoub, just based on his part in Monk. There are probably other, better choices...but Mike Myers isn't one of them.

EDIT: As for films I'd remake, I would choose Citizen Kane. I know it's never going to be as good as the original, and that would take a lot of stress off of the assignment.

Speaking of shit-ass remakes....Holy Diver by Killswitch Engage (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsiqtGnpU1w)

Sorry to disappoint anyone planning to do a remake of The Eternal Jew (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eternal_Jew). Mel Gibson has reserved the rights to that as his next project.

Hm. Is it better to make a remake of a great movie, or a terrible one with the hope of making it great?

Also, if someone were to remake, say, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?, it might be difficult to get an actress who is on a Bette Davis-level of skill.

Hm. Is it better to make a remake of a great movie, or a terrible one with the hope of making it great?

The latter. It's the Pessimist's Boost. If a remake of crap is crap, everyone expected it. If a remake of crap is spectacularly awesome, then everyone is pleasantly surprised.

Every one of Toilet Boll's cinematic sewage could be made respectable and redeemed if you put scriptwriters who care and respect the source, directors who care and respect the souce and actors who care and respect the source.

Sorry to disappoint anyone planning to do a remake of The Eternal Jew (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eternal_Jew). Mel Gibson has reserved the rights to that as his next project.

The film criticizes Jewish religious practices, and criticises kosher slaughtering, (shechita), as inhumane, contrasting it with Nazi laws requiring that animals be anaesthetized prior to butchering.
Criticism of the way the Jews slaughter animals? It seems a good measure of the totalitarianism of a regime is the level to which it cannot appreciate irony.

Sorry to disappoint anyone planning to do a remake of The Eternal Jew (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Eternal_Jew). Mel Gibson has reserved the rights to that as his next project.

Damn, I was hoping Mel Brooks reserved the right to it.

:D

Hm. Is it better to make a remake of a great movie, or a terrible one with the hope of making it great?

Also, if someone were to remake, say, Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?, it might be difficult to get an actress who is on a Bette Davis-level of skill.

I was thinking along similar lines. There are several movies I might wish had been made with bigger budgets, or more attention paid... bigger investment in terms of money and everything else. (Serenity, obviously, leaps to mind).

But then - if you tried to remake something like... "Equilibrium"... well, all the principles are outstanding anyway. In remaking the movie you might have to accept a downgrade in acting to get a bigger name on the cast... if, say, Christian Bale didn't want to replay his own role. If it was an older movie.. well, Vincent Price (for example) really isn't going to be reprising any of his old work now... you HAVE to accept a substitute, knowing it will be second-best.

I was thinking about it - because I'd kind of like to see "Ghostbusters" with modern special effects... but I really can't see how you could improve on any of the aspects of the film that really MATTER.

I guess you could do what they did with Star Wars, and run through the movie waving the digital magic wand at it...

I was thinking along similar lines. There are several movies I might wish had been made with bigger budgets, or more attention paid... bigger investment in terms of money and everything else. (Serenity, obviously, leaps to mind).

Bigger budget isn't always better (See The Italian Job, Get Carter, hell just about every American remake of a British film as example of this). What's needed first and foremost is a sharp storywriter and a keen director. Budget can then be taken into account.

But then - if you tried to remake something like... "Equilibrium"... well, all the principles are outstanding anyway. In remaking the movie you might have to accept a downgrade in acting to get a bigger name on the cast... if, say, Christian Bale didn't want to replay his own role. If it was an older movie.. well, Vincent Price (for example) really isn't going to be reprising any of his old work now... you HAVE to accept a substitute, knowing it will be second-best.

A better approach would be to make a sequel that explores the same world in the aftermath of the original film. If done right, the story could paint a picture of how little things result in vast changes through the world and its inhabitants.

I was thinking about it - because I'd kind of like to see "Ghostbusters" with modern special effects... but I really can't see how you could improve on any of the aspects of the film that really MATTER.

There is the new next-gen console game being worked on, and the original cast involved (especially Dan Akroyd) said that this was pretty much the third movie.

I guess you could do what they did with Star Wars, and run through the movie waving the digital magic wand at it...

Digital paintbrushes for the most part don't seem to really do anything to improve people's perception of a film.

I'd remake... Metropolis! Except with song/dance numbers through the slow paced sections and soap opera style on the exciting/climatic ones.

I'd also dedicate the movie to my tax accountant and shove the film full of overactive, overtalking people who give me donations.

I'd remake... Metropolis! Except with song/dance numbers through the slow paced sections and soap opera style on the exciting/climatic ones.

I'd also dedicate the movie to my tax accountant and shove the film full of overactive, overtalking people who give me donations.

Thankyou, Uwe.

it might make an excellent movie (probably would if it focused on mordor) but it wouldnt be lord of the rings.
Excuse me, we're talking about making movies here. It would be Lord of the Rings if I put Lord of the Rings on the theater marquee. Screw the book and those three long boring flicks, this is a Muravyets Studios production now. :tongue:

Indeed, trim it down to JUST Sam, Frodo and Golem - that's the heart of the story, anyway. And play it from the angle that they're all three aspects of the same person.
See? GnI gets it. ;) I might not even show the damned ring on screen at all. Or, wait, I'll make the ring a place. Yeah, a place that they're trying to get to, the three of them, with their constant externalized inner monologue in three voices. In Vegas.

Remake Choice:

Nick Fury: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

First, we get rid of the Hoff. Replace with a decent actor, like, say, Mr. Samuel L. Jackson. This is extremely important.

Then we re-write the whole script. We follow a young private in the Second World War, who, along with a Canadian named James "Lucky Jim" Howlett (who seems to heal from practically anything) and some other guy...oh you know what, screw it. Just do a shortened version of the Ultimate Fury's biography, with all the necessary tie-ins, including a final scene featuring General Fury being given command of the Strategic Homeland Intelligence, Enforcement and Logistics Division and then being told the following:

"Sir, Stark just went public with Iron Man." -a member of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Fury's response: "Mother F*&ker! Get me out to Stark's home. And get working on how the F*&k we're going to role out with the Avenger Initiative."

I have to share this. This was the thing that inspired me to want to remake Lord of the Rings. I was playing this MMORPG. I'm just doing a stint of monster killing for points and money, just to unwind after work, and I'm tuned into the general chat channel, letting the casual banter scroll over my character's head, making a comment now and then, etc.

There was this player called OldSchool in the channel. OldSchool was this crazy, drunk guy in Poland, and for some reason, he just took it into his head to tell us all the story of LOTR. I loved it so much, I saved the chat log. Below is OldSchool's version of LOTR excerpted in its entirety. Try to read it with a heavy Polish accent, and remember he was not a native English speaker. I fixed only a few of his more egregious mistakes and added notes to some of the MMORPG-specific references. There are also a couple of comments from me and other players.

THIS is my remake:

[12:13:53] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: Well do u know how Sauron lost his Ring?

[12:14:53] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: well he go to river, dress off, took off Ring too and go to water...then Guild Fury [notorious guild of assholes] came and BJ [robbed] him

[12:20:27] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: and Saruman was old tobacco and cigarettes Smuggler,..he did a lot of money , then bought a house, and hired bodyguards

[12:21:19] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: he open Disco too,but didn't Dancers of Rohan to came and make a show, so they hired mafia to burn the disco and PK [kill] teh bodyguards

[12:21:34] [peino @ 4]: dancers of rohan. :D [<< me laughing]

[12:21:48] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: ye,that celtic band

[12:23:51] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: ye,and then Saruman did a phone to bro from brooklyn, named Sauron_the_pimp and ask for help

[12:24:46] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: and Sauron took all gc [money] from illegal lotery, and other businnes ,and ask bros to take gunz, knifes and go teh Minas Tirith Motel

[12:25:10] [St_ArcaNe @ 4]: Sauron? its that guy with the one eye that loves to flame?

[12:26:02] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: ye,he got 1 glass eye coz he was drunk 1 time and tried smoke joint..and didn't take it to mouth, just to eye

[12:26:40] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: and he said to himself "sry,missclick"...omg he was so stunned [stoned] those happy days

[12:28:09] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: so let me continue, well he took ppl and go to gondor and ask for play basketball match Mordor Jets against Gondor Bulls

[12:29:21] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: but he didn't knew , Bulls got no1 draft player Aragorn "Magic" HappyJunk

[12:33:08] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: brb/need more beer

[12:34:20] [ewill @ 4]: Hmmm...I think the driver of the convo just escaped as it was going into a ditch, jumped into a new car and drove away. :-)

[12:34:35] [peino @ 4]: he just went for more beer.

[12:35:03] [OldSchOOl @ 4]: back with 4 beers!


And then he got too drunk to finish the story, but OldSchool's GTA version of LOTR lives in my heart, and I have never been able to think about it the same again. ;)

Thankyou, Uwe.
Too bad Deutschland is longer the land of unbounded imagination... not to mention cheap Czech actors...

I'd remake the first Jurassic Park film to follow the plot of the book more closely.

Barry Lyndon with sock puppets. Think about it.

What pisses me off, so much, about that movie - is that it already has a pretty awesome cast. How they managed to get such an experienced and talented group of people together, and still make it look like they were 'just there to get paid', I just don't know.

It doesn't help that the basic premise is somewhat nonsensical, the science somewhat laughable, and the script somewhat sophomoric.

It's not really a serious response, though - I don't really want to see that movie remade, if for no other reason than "Deep Impact" was the same basic premise, done a hundred times better. It just pisses me off that someone managed to put... say, Bruce Willis and Steve Buscemi on screen together, and it isn't one of the greatest movies of all time. Unforgivable.

It did have a couple of good lines, if nothing else.

"This place looks like Dr. Seuss's worst nightmare."

12 Angry Men.

I'm not sure how you could possibly improve on that movie, but, it's all I cold think of.

I'd remake The Tunnel (1935), with modern sensibilities (trade and cooperation) and special effects.

The Tunnel: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Tunnel_(1935_film)

I would just edit Jude Law out of every film he has ever been in.

12 Angry Men.

I'm not sure how you could possibly improve on that movie, but, it's all I cold think of.I think they did a remake of that already, didn't they?

I'd remake all game movies by Ewe Boll.

I'd replace all scenes with 5 minutes of game footage and make it for peanuts.
Then sell seats for pennies

I would remake 'I am Legend' to be more like the book. I would also remake 'The Medusa Touch' just to update it.

I would remake 'I am Legend' to be more like the book.

God yes, or at least take the tack on ending out of the most recent remake.

I would remake the dark knight, giving two-face a more important role and have him as well as joker as a recurring bad guy. sorry but that was my main beef with the film, two face is an excellent character to put against batman, with his
ambiguity and history with the bat, and the movie go's and wasted him

I would also remake wanted to be more like the comic

I'd like to see Sunshine done again by the Coen Brothers.

Sod remaking films, when my application for omnipotence is cleared by the Council of Holy Dudes and Dudettes, I'm going to remake humanity in my own image. Advice: Be very afraid.

ST:FC, the first 15 minutes are to be kept, the rest of the movie will consist of a Federation fleet fighting the Borg cube.

Spider-man 3: Less Green Goblin and more Venom, or Venom and Carnage.

Transformers: extend it, have way more robots (Constructicons and Dinobots).

AVP2: More Aliens, make it more similar to Aliens which was awesomely.

FF4-2: Silver Surfer powerless without his board?

Barbarella:
Improve the Special Effects
but keep the cheese factor.

Transformers: extend it, have way more robots (Constructicons and Dinobots).


I think they're actually putting them in for the sequel, or the sequel's sequel.

I'd remake all game movies by Ewe Boll.

I'd replace all scenes with 5 minutes of game footage and make it for peanuts.
Then sell seats for pennies

That's not much different from what Toilet Boll did. Have respect for the games man.

:p

Barbarella:
Improve the Special Effects
but keep the cheese factor.
Who could possibly match Jane Fonda for cheese factor? Honestly, I think that's the best movie she ever made. :D

Who could possibly match Jane Fonda for cheese factor? Honestly, I think that's the best movie she ever made. :D

Pamela Anderson. Then the remake can be called Boob-arella

Who could possibly match Jane Fonda for cheese factor? Honestly, I think that's the best movie she ever made. :D

oh... the possiblities... :D

Pamela Anderson. Then the remake can be called Boob-arella
Only if you cast her with the puppets from Team America.

That's not much different from what Toilet Boll did. Have respect for the games man.

:p

It is however shorter and cheaper. Its a massive improvement already.

Besides the question is hard so I went with an easy choice

Excuse me, we're talking about making movies here. It would be Lord of the Rings if I put Lord of the Rings on the theater marquee. Screw the book and those three long boring flicks, this is a Muravyets Studios production now. :tongue:
lol

pardon my intrusion on your oh-so-worthy-yet-copyright-violating project.

Transformers: extend it, have way more robots (Constructicons and Dinobots).I think they're actually putting them in for the sequel, or the sequel's sequel.they'll have to correct the mistake tho. they have Devastator as a tank in the movie.


It is however shorter and cheaper. Its a massive improvement already.

Besides the question is hard so I went with an easy choice
just make the story close to the game's story and that is already better.

Pamela Anderson. Then the remake can be called Boob-arella
noooo

no no

you have to pay some young actress with actual talent to humiliate herself in the role.

like kiera knightly or katherine heigl.

they'll have to correct the mistake tho. they have Devastator as a tank in the movie.


Oh, well, I don't know much about the originals or anything. I like the movie, and I read that somewhere. (sulks and walks away)

lol

pardon my intrusion on your oh-so-worthy-yet-copyright-violating project.
I don't have to violate copyright. I just have to buy the second or third or whatever number we're up to film adaptation rights. Most of the time, such contracts let me make whatever changes are "deemed necessary" along the way. :D

noooo

no no

you have to pay some young actress with actual talent to humiliate herself in the role.

like kiera knightly or katherine heigl.
Normally I would never say this about any woman, but we are talking about Barbarella so... I'm sorry but Kiera Knightly's not bodacious enough.

Oh, well, I don't know much about the originals or anything. I like the movie, and I read that somewhere. (sulks and walks away)
constructicons opens the door to the Aerobots, Bruticus, and others. even the Dinobots would be hard to introduce.

I just hope the next movie has Prowl and Mirage (season 1)

Normally I would never say this about any woman, but we are talking about Barbarella so... I'm sorry but Kiera Knightly's not bodacious enough.
"boobs do not a sexy woman make." after all, Anna Nicole Smith had a bodacious body... but I never found her sexy.

perhaps a porn star who wants to go mainstream?

Scaramouche; I would re-make it more true to the book.

Normally I would never say this about any woman, but we are talking about Barbarella so... I'm sorry but Kiera Knightly's not bodacious enough.
jane fonda was?

never saw the movie

i had a hard enough time bringing to mind actresses young enough to fit the bill as it was. to require that she also be voluptuous is too much.

Barbarella was good Ashy, and Jane Fonda was wonderful and sexy in it. However, she ultimately felt exploited by what her then director and husband did with her in that film. It was a great 60's film but it belongs in the 60s. We've all moved on from there - especially Jane Fonda.

Barbarella was good Ashy, and Jane Fonda was wonderful and sexy in it. However, she ultimately felt exploited by what her then director and husband did with her in that film. It was a great 60's film but it belongs in the 60s. We've all moved on from there - especially Jane Fonda.
jane has move on from there several times.

but it didnt seem to hurt her career and it gives everyone something to laugh at.

jane fonda was?

never saw the movie

i had a hard enough time bringing to mind actresses young enough to fit the bill as it was. to require that she also be voluptuous is too much.
If you haven't seen Barbarella, you haven't lived. :D Just be sure you buy some extra bras to burn after viewing. ;) Anyway, for the tastes of the period, the Jane Fonda of that day struck just the right note of bodacious space-bimbo the movie needed.

Actually, I love Barbarella. It speaks to my inner space-bimbo. You know, sometimes you really do just want to be more interested in sexing hot space guys than anything else that might be going on.

jane has move on from there several times.

but it didnt seem to hurt her career and it gives everyone something to laugh at.

and fantasize about... :$

Clash of the Titans

No changes to the story or plot.

The costumes would be redesigned to reflect the classic greek culture.

Obviously I would notch up the fight scenes, especially with Medusa. I'd get a hold of the fight choreographers that worked with the movie Troy.

And lastly a total redesign of the monsters using state of the art computer animation and motion capture techniques.

I'm not a movie person, but I'd most likely remake Star Wars 1 to have Jar Jar Binks be the main character (and a jedi to boot!), or remake one of those kiddie disney movies as a porno.

We now return to your normal, non-evil DragonAtma.

If you haven't seen Barbarella, you haven't lived. :D Just be sure you buy some extra bras to burn after viewing. ;) Anyway, for the tastes of the period, the Jane Fonda of that day struck just the right note of bodacious space-bimbo the movie needed.

Actually, I love Barbarella. It speaks to my inner space-bimbo. You know, sometimes you really do just want to be more interested in sexing hot space guys than anything else that might be going on.
maybe it could be remade-- in mexico.

a new version wouldnt be so sex kitten-ish if made in the US but (should there be a mexican movie industry and judging by mexican tv) the mexicans dont have the same pc-feminist thing going on so they could make it even MORE sexy than it was with jane fonda.

remake one of those kiddie disney movies as a porno.

We now return to your normal, non-evil DragonAtma.

hmmm...
Snow White living with seven men...
a woman who can only be awakened by a very special kiss after getting a prick...
a Prince hunting down a woman with only a garment for a clue...
the drugged hazed adventures of a little girl...
A prince marrying a woman who smells like a fish...
a girl running away with a peter...

that's not too hard to do.

hmmm...
Snow White living with seven men...
a woman who can only be awakened by a very special kiss after getting a prick...
a Prince hunting down a woman with only a garment for a clue...
the drugged hazed adventures of a little girl...
A prince marrying a woman who smells like a fish...
a girl running away with a peter...

that's not too hard to do.

Let's continue:

A French maiden goes to live with a ferocious beast of a man...
A Native American woman is torn between the advances of a local warrior and a pillaging Englishman...
A Chinese girl sneaks off to keep company with the army in the face of an invasion...
A pauper from the Middle East uses a specialized Genie (TM, patent pending) to seduce a princess...

Let's hear them people!

Let's continue:

A French maiden goes to live with a ferocious beast of a man...
A Native American woman is torn between the advances of a local warrior and a pillaging Englishman...
A Chinese girl sneaks off to keep company with the army in the face of an invasion...
A pauper from the Middle East uses a specialized Genie (TM, patent pending) to seduce a princess...

Let's hear them people!

A young male deer pals around with a male rabbit named "Thumper".
A disfigured man and a priest both lust after an exotic dancer.
A boy and his toys.
Same boy, same toys, different time and settings.

A young male deer pals around with a male rabbit named "Thumper".
A disfigured man and a priest both lust after an exotic dancer.
A boy and his toys.
Same boy, same toys, different time and settings.

An orphaned boy growing up among wild animals.
An orphaned boy growing up among wild animals.
To save her father, a shy French girl agrees to spend a night with an animal.

To save her father, a shy French girl agrees to spend a night with an animal.

Um, that's the "French Maid goes to live with Beast of a Man" bit that I had earlier...

Um, that's the "French Maid goes to live with Beast of a Man" bit that I had earlier...

Didn't see that, meh.

- A young girl lives a secret double life in the entertainment industry
- A normal suburban family hides extraordinary secrets

Didn't see that, meh.

- A young girl lives a secret double life in the entertainment industry
- A normal suburban family hides extraordinary secrets

O.K, that first one is still technically Kiddie-Pr0n, so we'll ignore it for now...

But what the hell is that last one suppose to be?

I would remake the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy as one 2.5 hour movie. I'd hire a good screenwriter -- like the guy who did "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" maybe -- to punch up the script. I'd eliminate up to 40% or more of the incidental characters, including every single one in the original trilogy who has more than 2 minutes of screen time without actually being a part of the story. I would eliminate every single slow-motion sequence and get the actors to talk just a little faster. The only roles I would not change except as needed to make them fit the new timeframe would be Golem and Sam. Everything else gets a total rewrite. Everything.

Once all the fat, flab and padding are removed, I think you could get a damn good adventure movie out of that story.

Oh, and I'd put in a lot more of Mordor and Gondor and a lot less of Rohan.

That's not funny! Take that back! :mad:

That's not funny! Take that back! :mad:
Hehe, check out the story pitch that inspired me. I've got the option on this so hands off. :D

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=14004382&postcount=52

I believe the guy I got this from might have been Roman Polanski in disguise.

I think they're actually putting them in for the sequel, or the sequel's sequel.
I know, me want see.:D
they'll have to correct the mistake tho. they have Devastator as a tank in the movie. That was supposed to be corrected on the DVD, but they didn't. Though I don't care about two robots with thesame name.

Barbarella
It may be happening sooner than you think ;).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbarella_(film)#Remake

It may be happening sooner than you think ;).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbarella_(film)#Remake

Oh Lord, no. *gets out pen and pencil set and goggles and begins practicing*

''The Unknown Soldier''

I would remake the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy as one 2.5 hour movie. I'd hire a good screenwriter -- like the guy who did "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" maybe -- to punch up the script. I'd eliminate up to 40% or more of the incidental characters, including every single one in the original trilogy who has more than 2 minutes of screen time without actually being a part of the story. I would eliminate every single slow-motion sequence and get the actors to talk just a little faster. The only roles I would not change except as needed to make them fit the new timeframe would be Golem and Sam. Everything else gets a total rewrite. Everything.

Once all the fat, flab and padding are removed, I think you could get a damn good adventure movie out of that story.

Oh, and I'd put in a lot more of Mordor and Gondor and a lot less of Rohan.

That was an amazingly tight, funny and engrossing movie.

I love your idea, and the laughter derived from the MMORPG Pole's inspiration forced me into the bathroom.

The latter. It's the Pessimist's Boost. If a remake of crap is crap, everyone expected it. If a remake of crap is spectacularly awesome, then everyone is pleasantly surprised.

Every one of Toilet Boll's cinematic sewage could be made respectable and redeemed if you put scriptwriters who care and respect the source, directors who care and respect the souce and actors who care and respect the source.Sure, but is it more of an accomplishment to make a bad movie good, or a good movie better (or at least as good)?

I was thinking along similar lines. There are several movies I might wish had been made with bigger budgets, or more attention paid... bigger investment in terms of money and everything else. (Serenity, obviously, leaps to mind).

But then - if you tried to remake something like... "Equilibrium"... well, all the principles are outstanding anyway. In remaking the movie you might have to accept a downgrade in acting to get a bigger name on the cast... if, say, Christian Bale didn't want to replay his own role. If it was an older movie.. well, Vincent Price (for example) really isn't going to be reprising any of his old work now... you HAVE to accept a substitute, knowing it will be second-best.So I guess moviemakers should wait until the original actors of a good movie are dead before remaking it.

See? GnI gets it. ;) I might not even show the damned ring on screen at all. Or, wait, I'll make the ring a place. Yeah, a place that they're trying to get to, the three of them, with their constant externalized inner monologue in three voices. In Vegas.Would you use the Smeagol voice, the Gollum voice, or both?

It may be happening sooner than you think ;).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbarella_(film)#RemakeI sense a disturbing lack of cheese...

An orphaned boy growing up among wild animals.
An orphaned boy growing up among wild animals.
To save her father, a shy French girl agrees to spend a night with an animal.
hmmm...
A boy with a magical oinker and a girl has to stop a wizard from getting a boner with a bubbling pot.
A tramp hooks up with a stuck up bitch and shows her a world she never realized existed
The Adventures of a Drunk and his 'little man'.
A little Girl from the mountains brings joy to everyone she meets
Babes in Toyland... title says it all.
An absent minded scientists discovers a revolutionary rubber that is more fun to play with than getting married.
A young man is channed to tug on his weapon to become king
everyone chases a pussy.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks... another one where the title says it all.

Bedknobs and Broomsticks... another one where the title says it all.

The Black Hole.

So I guess moviemakers should wait until the original actors of a good movie are dead before remaking it.


That's actually the conclusion I'd come to. If the movie was shit, you can remake it the next week if you want.

If the movie was good, you either have to totally attack it in a different way (I'm think Batman franchise here), or wait until the principles are dead, or as good as.

That's actually the conclusion I'd come to. If the movie was shit, you can remake it the next week if you want.

If the movie was good, you either have to totally attack it in a different way (I'm think Batman franchise here), or wait until the principles are dead, or as good as.

but what determins good or bad.

Alot of movies are cult classics after they left the theatre (Toxic Avenger) and other classics are never heard from after they hit the VHS/DVD stores.

Sure, but is it more of an accomplishment to make a bad movie good, or a good movie better (or at least as good)?

So I guess moviemakers should wait until the original actors of a good movie are dead before remaking it.

Would you use the Smeagol voice, the Gollum voice, or both?
Both. So I guess that makes in an externalized inner monologue in four voices. :D

I sense a disturbing lack of cheese...


hmmm...
A boy with a magical oinker and a girl has to stop a wizard from getting a boner with a bubbling pot.
A tramp hooks up with a stuck up bitch and shows her a world she never realized existed
The Adventures of a Drunk and his 'little man'.
A little Girl from the mountains brings joy to everyone she meets
Babes in Toyland... title says it all.
An absent minded scientists discovers a revolutionary rubber that is more fun to play with than getting married.
A young man is channed to tug on his weapon to become king
everyone chases a pussy.
Bedknobs and Broomsticks... another one where the title says it all.


The Little Mermaid -- A young girl can't have a handsome prince until she gives up some tail.

Ok you have been given the green light to do a remake of a film. the film can be from any studio, any language and from any time period.

the only thing you cannot remake are
1) TV Movies/series to motion pictures.
2) You cannot remake a sequal (I.e. you cannot remake Star Trek V... You have to start from the first of the series.)
3) You cannot 'reboot' the series. like Batman Begins.

what movie would you remake and what changes would you make, who would you have starring in it?

The Wraith

That's actually the conclusion I'd come to. If the movie was shit, you can remake it the next week if you want.

If the movie was good, you either have to totally attack it in a different way (I'm think Batman franchise here), or wait until the principles are dead, or as good as.I guess this explains many of the TV shows-to movies that have been done lately.

Both. So I guess that makes in an externalized inner monologue in four voices. :DThat might be good, if you could pull it off, since two of the voices would openly acknowledge each other as being the same person.

The Searchers by John Ford. Despite the fact that most people name it as the greatest western ever, this isn't quite true: it's 3/4 of one of the best westerns ever, and 1/4 Elmer Fudd/Barney Fife bastard lovechild. The movie was ahead of its time, and John Ford was unsure of the material, so he diluted it with inane humor. Cut that part out, and get someone of comparable masculinity to John Wayne (I realize that's a tall order, but Daniel Craig and Christian Bale maybe, or possibly Guy Pearce could pull it off) in the Ethan Edwards role, and you'd have something that would outshine even Taxi Driver, which might very well be called an urban remake of The Searchers. (I think it's the fact that The Searchers is so heavily referenced by great movies like Taxi Driver and Star Wars that gives it its reputation rather than the film itself).

The Searchers by John Ford. Despite the fact that most people name it as the greatest western ever, this isn't quite true: it's 3/4 of one of the best westerns ever, and 1/4 Elmer Fudd/Barney Fife bastard lovechild. The movie was ahead of its time, and John Ford was unsure of the material, so he diluted it with inane humor. Cut that part out, and get someone of comparable masculinity to John Wayne (I realize that's a tall order, but Daniel Craig and Christian Bale maybe, or possibly Guy Pearce could pull it off) in the Ethan Edwards role, and you'd have something that would outshine even Taxi Driver, which might very well be called an urban remake of The Searchers. (I think it's the fact that The Searchers is so heavily referenced by great movies like Taxi Driver and Star Wars that gives it its reputation rather than the film itself).
CHRISTIAN BALE!!!???!!! No, no, a thousand times no!!

I don't care how much audience tastes may change. You don't switch out THIS:
http://www.usgennet.org/family/bliss/images/john_wayne.jpg

with THIS:
http://saucyminxes.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/christian_bale_98.jpg

It's just too big a shock to the brain.

Get Liam Neeson:
http://scifipedia.scifi.com/images/thumb/c/cb/Liam_neeson1.jpg/300px-Liam_neeson1.jpg
Just give him a cowboy hat and some pants and he's good to go.

or Daniel Day Lewis. Look at him, he's perfect:
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/There-Will-Be-Blood-daniel-day-lewis-parent-oscar.jpg

I'd strongly consider a remake of Lord of the Rings.

I'm not a hater of the Peter Jackson version, but their are other possible interpretations.

Also, The Black Cauldron and Eragon. More kids fantassy perhaps, especially the first one, but when an author puts a lot of time and effort into a book, they deserve the respect of a decent film adaptation that tries to be some what faithful to the source material.

I'd strongly consider a remake of Lord of the Rings.

I'm not a hater of the Peter Jackson version, but their are other possible interpretations.
Back off, beyotch. I've already got dibs on LOTR. :D

Also, The Black Cauldron and Eragon. More kids fantassy perhaps, especially the first one, but when an author puts a lot of time and effort into a book, they deserve the respect of a decent film adaptation that tries to be some what faithful to the source material.
Yeah, take one of these. Another version of Eragon might be welcomed. I hear some people seriously hated the first movie adaptation. I haven't seen it myself. I was too busy watching LOTR over and over and editing/rewriting it in my head.

CHRISTIAN BALE!!!???!!! No, no, a thousand times no!!

I don't care how much audience tastes may change. You don't switch out THIS:
http://www.usgennet.org/family/bliss/images/john_wayne.jpg

with THIS:
http://saucyminxes.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/christian_bale_98.jpg

It's just too big a shock to the brain.

Get Liam Neeson:
http://scifipedia.scifi.com/images/thumb/c/cb/Liam_neeson1.jpg/300px-Liam_neeson1.jpg
Just give him a cowboy hat and some pants and he's good to go.

or Daniel Day Lewis. Look at him, he's perfect:
http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/There-Will-Be-Blood-daniel-day-lewis-parent-oscar.jpg

I think you're being a bit selective with the photos, but I take your point. It would be difficult for Bale to get just what an unredeeming bastard Ethan Edwards is. But I picked him partly because of his genre work in 3:10 to Yuma, and partly because of his perfectionism in his craft. That being said, I stick with the idea of Daniel Craig. Hell, he was already a good deal of the way to the character with the last 007 movie, and he's not got the carebear look that so many contemporary stars have.

Come to think of it, Viggo Mortenson would be another good pick.

Starship Troopers! First, we need a director and crew who've actually read the book - Ridley Scott or James Cameron. Then we'll throw out all of Paul Verhoeven's changes - especially the fascist fantasy world he inserted and the stupid, mindless tactics the MI employed. Next, gotta have the powered armor and pocket nukes. Finally, cast a Filipino as Juan Rico - maybe Reggie Lee or Rome Romanne?

I'd remake "Howard The Duck".

You are evil. :p

I think you're being a bit selective with the photos, but I take your point. It would be difficult for Bale to get just what an unredeeming bastard Ethan Edwards is. But I picked him partly because of his genre work in 3:10 to Yuma, and partly because of his perfectionism in his craft. That being said, I stick with the idea of Daniel Craig. Hell, he was already a good deal of the way to the character with the last 007 movie, and he's not got the carebear look that so many contemporary stars have.
In re Christian Bale and quite a lot of other currently popular actors, I'll just say this: If you want an actor who exudes masculinity, you need to get one that has some testosterone. That leaves guys like Bale right out. Get it?

Daniel Craig could pull it off, because he is a mindbendingly male he-man, and yes, I guess a good make-up department could enhance the "used and lived-in" quality of him enough to fit the role and the story.

Okay, I'd accept Daniel Craig. (EDIT: Oh, who am I kidding? I'd accept Daniel Craig anyway you wanted to dish him up. Yummmmm, baby. :D)

Come to think of it, Viggo Mortenson would be another good pick.
Yes, I have to make myself agree that Viggo Mortenson could play the part. I have a hang up about Viggo that makes me have a problem with watching him in movies even though he is a very good actor (I was completely blown away by him in "Eastern Promises"). How can I put it? There was this celebrity magazine -- it may have been US or People -- that printed a list of "actors who look like they smell bad," and Viggo Mortenson was on it, and I think they didn't rank him high enough on that list. There's just something about him -- ugh.

28 weeks later needs to be done with the ORIGINAL CHARACTERS!!!!!!!!!!
and without overshadowing the zombie threat with silly U.S.A chenical weapons

but what determins good or bad.

Alot of movies are cult classics after they left the theatre (Toxic Avenger) and other classics are never heard from after they hit the VHS/DVD stores.

Me. I am The Decider.

Toxic Avenger was poo in the theatre, and poo outside the theatre. The fact that it was campy poo, and that a lot of people seem to like campy poo, doesn't stop it being poo.

Can I remake "Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog" - or does it's initial episodic release disqualify it?

In re Christian Bale and quite a lot of other currently popular actors, I'll just say this: If you want an actor who exudes masculinity, you need to get one that has some testosterone. That leaves guys like Bale right out. Get it?


Hey now, don't be hatin' on Christian Bale....

Get Matthew McConaughey to play the role.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm580098304/tt0253556

That might be good, if you could pull it off, since two of the voices would openly acknowledge each other as being the same person.

Crazy thing is - the further we go down this line of thought, the more intriguing it becomes. I can totally envision paying to see a movie based off this premise, now.

We need to redo Norbit. That way someone's eyes don't vomit watching it.

I'd still pick clash of the titans.

I'd redo The Day After Tomorrow and remove all the gross scientific inaccuracies (almost the entire movie). It'd be boring, but at least the climate change nay-sayers would stop using it as fodder and claiming that any scientist actually believes it could happen that fast.

I'd redo The Day After Tomorrow and remove all the gross scientific inaccuracies (almost the entire movie). It'd be boring, but at least the climate change nay-sayers would stop using it as fodder and claiming that any scientist actually believes it could happen that fast.

I object.

The fact that people use a work of fiction to fight against a scientifically verifiable phenomenon is a good enough reason to leave "The Day After Tomorrow" as it is. It's certianly a good enough reason not to pander to stupidity.

And, the thing is - the underlying point under the accelerated storyline - we really don't know what will happen, or how fast, when our climate does hit a critical point.

Hey now, don't be hatin' on Christian Bale....

Get Matthew McConaughey to play the role.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm580098304/tt0253556

You're joking, right? :tongue:

I'd still pick clash of the titans.
i agree.

the original was quite a pile of crap but with modern cgi techniques and a better sensibility for ancient greek culture a remake could be good.

i agree.

the original was quite a pile of crap but with modern cgi techniques and a better sensibility for ancient greek culture a remake could be good.

We wouldn't even need to change the original script other than a few minor alterations to dialogue.

I object.

The fact that people use a work of fiction to fight against a scientifically verifiable phenomenon is a good enough reason to leave "The Day After Tomorrow" as it is. It's certianly a good enough reason not to pander to stupidity.

And, the thing is - the underlying point under the accelerated storyline - we really don't know what will happen, or how fast, when our climate does hit a critical point.

Don't get me wrong. Climate change is real, and we are contributing to it, but those who choose to disbelieve it use this movie as a supposed example of how ridiculous the evidence they choose to dismiss is, even though no one actually thinks it would be like this literally overnight.

We wouldn't even need to change the original script other than a few minor alterations to dialogue.
i wouldnt go that far. its been a long time since ive seen the movie--i saw it at the movie theater first run--but i remember it being a bit of a hash up of greek myth. probably because there was more priority on the stop motion animation than on the source material.

i wouldnt go that far. its been a long time since ive seen the movie--i saw it at the movie theater first run--but i remember it being a bit of a hash up of greek myth. probably because there was more priority on the stop motion animation than on the source material.

Good point, but 90% of the story is pretty much the legend of Perseus, the battle with Medusa and defeating the Kraken, pegases.. stuff like that.