NationStates Jolt Archive

Im curious as to why when a girl says to a guy something with the words "just friends", that phrase doesn't seem to sit well with the guy. Can any one explain why this is?

cos the guy wants to fuck.

And this has been another edition of short answers to easy questions. Thank you all and good night.

/thread

Im curious as to why when a girl says to a guy something with the words "just friends", that phrase doesn't seem to sit well with the guy. Can any one explain why this is?
...

Are you serious?

cos the guy wants to fuck.

I might want to add it also firmly establishes there will be no friends with benefits either.

...

Are you serious?

I just had a dim misguided hope that the answer wasn't going to be what I thought it was. =\

I just had a dim misguided hope that the answer wasn't going to be what I thought it was. =\
So if you had a crush on a guy and he told you he just wanted to be friends you would be... delighted? Relieved? Happy? Because you're a girl and girls only ever want to be friends with guys?

I just had a dim misguided hope that the answer wasn't going to be what I thought it was. =\
What do you mean? What other answer could there be?
"He was hoping that you would respond in limerick form"?

I just had a dim misguided hope that the answer wasn't going to be what I thought it was. =\

Or...to put it in a nice way it might be that he has strong feelings for you, and wants a relationship for reasons more than sex. The fact that he's disappointed doesn't necessarily mean his thoughts are purely "OMG sexsexsexsexsex". Not all guys are like that, are they?

What do you mean? What other answer could there be?

Maybe rejection will cause you to contemplate your sexuality, overcoming years of repressed feelings in order to come out of the closet? That sounds like a pretty surefire NS General answer.

why do I get the feeling that somewhere, somehow, a 12 year old just got his heart broken?

And this has been another edition of short answers to easy questions. Thank you all and good night.

/thread

People, you made my day. It wasn't a good day until I read this thread.

I just had a dim misguided hope that the answer wasn't going to be what I thought it was. =\

Why? If a girl really liked a guy and/or wanted to bang him, being "just friends" wouldn't sit too well with her either. I don't see why it would be different coming from a guy...

I just had a dim misguided hope that the answer wasn't going to be what I thought it was. =\

Well.. the fact that you include the word "just" already speaks volumes, now does it ?

What do you mean? What other answer could there be?
"He was hoping that you would respond in limerick form"?
Iambic pentameter actually

So if you had a crush on a guy and he told you he just wanted to be friends you would be... delighted? Relieved? Happy? Because you're a girl and girls only ever want to be friends with guys?
I'd probably be sorta relieved, but I know thats not the reply all girls would give.

Well.. the fact that you include the word "just" already speaks volumes, now does it ?

does it?

I'd probably be sorta relieved, but I know thats not the reply all girls would give.

You'd be relieved if a guy you liked wasn't interested in you?

How...unusual.

does it?

Of course. "Friends" and "Just Friends" are two entirely different species.

In practice: If I would tell any of my female friends we are "just friends" I would be slapped. No idea what the males would do, except moving away slowly. Both groups would look hurt - and rightly so.
Note that I have no desire to sleep with any of said friends.

Or...to put it in a nice way it might be that he has strong feelings for you, and wants a relationship for reasons more than sex. The fact that he's disappointed doesn't necessarily mean his thoughts are purely "OMG sexsexsexsexsex". Not all guys are like that, are they?I - without any solid evidence or realistic reasons - don't believe there can be a relationship without lots of physical attraction. Well, there can be but it wouldn't be a better one - it would only be a crippled one.

Just my 2 cents.

About the OP, "just friends" could be the one expression each and every guy (girl, zlorfik, anything interested in somebody in a "coupling" sense) dread to hear.

I even have a song about it - I had these three guys, my flatmates back in the college, they were my bandmembers too and we had lots of "I love you like you're my brother" experiences and it was a bittersweet gag among us.

Cheerio!

You'd be relieved if a guy you liked wasn't interested in you?

How...unusual.
I was thinking relieved in the sense that even if he wasn't interested in dating he would still want to be a friend, rather than telling me to get lost.

Of course. "Friends" and "Just Friends" are two entirely different species.

In practice: If I would tell any of my female friends we are "just friends" I would be slapped. No idea what the males would do, except moving away slowly. Both groups would look hurt - and rightly so.
Note that I have no desire to sleep with any of said friends.

Ah you were referring to that 'just'.
My misunderstanding, and agree with you on this one.

The stigma that "just friends" has attached to it could be alleviated with a collective unclenching of the US sphincter when it comes to sex (well, figuratively for some, literally for others, but that's another thread). I find it utterly ludicrous that it's somehow inappropriate to think of someone in a sexual way before any kind of "relationship" has been established. If sex weren't something that always had to be packaged within the trappings of archaic courtship rituals and people just spoke their minds, I think there'd be less overall angst over what it means to be someone's "friend".

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.

"Just friends" says that you find your "friend" insignificant, or worse, unattractive. It also states that you clearly believe you are too beautiful to not be loved by the interested sex, whilst your "friend" is not.

just friends means nothing more than friends...

I suppose the problem is the guy wanting to be more than just friends.

"Just friends" says that you find your "friend" insignificant, or worse, unattractive. It also states that you clearly believe you are too beautiful to not be loved by the interested sex, whilst your "friend" is not.

....wut.

I love my friends dearly. I do not want to have sex with them. I highly encourage other people to have sex with my friends, because they are awesome. I do not know what the hell you are smoking.

Forget about syntax for a second, guys, and consider the scenario.

When does a girl tell a boy she wants to 'just be friends?' Usually right after he's expressed to her his hopes and aspirations of romance with her. In all my life every time a girl has said that to me it's never been when we first met.

Her:Hi, my name is Trinity.
Me: Hi Trinity. I'm Neo.
Her:Oh hi, Neo. I just want to be friends.
Me: Groovy.

No. It's more like:

Me: Trinity, we've known each other for a while and I've been thinking... If you're not busy on Friday would you be interested in going out for dinner? I was thinking maybe we could do some ice skating first and then grab a nice dinner at the restaurant across the street from the rink. You're really cool and have a great smile, and I've thought you were very pretty ever since we first met. How does that sound?
Her:Aw, Neo, that's so sweet... but I just want to be friends.

THAT is when you hear that dreaded phrase, and that's why we hate hearing it.

Maybe rejection will cause you to contemplate your sexuality, overcoming years of repressed feelings in order to come out of the closet? That sounds like a pretty surefire NS General answer.

Don't forget to add the part about the repression coming from Christian religious zealots, and how everything would have been better if GWB hadn't been elected.

*Agrees with above post*

Forget about syntax for a second, guys, and consider the scenario.

When does a girl tell a boy she wants to 'just be friends?' Usually right after he's expressed to her his hopes and aspirations of romance with her. In all my life every time a girl has said that to me it's never been when we first met.

Her:Hi, my name is Trinity.
Me: Hi Trinity. I'm Neo.
Her:Oh hi, Neo. I just want to be friends.
Me: Groovy.

No. It's more like:

Me: Trinity, we've known each other for a while and I've been thinking... If you're not busy on Friday would you be interested in going out for dinner? I was thinking maybe we could do some ice skating first and then grab a nice dinner at the restaurant across the street from the rink. You're really cool and have a great smile, and I've thought you were very pretty ever since we first met. How does that sound?
Her:Aw, Neo, that's so sweet... but I just want to be friends.

THAT is when you hear that dreaded phrase, and that's why we hate hearing it.



/Threadwin. *Flees*

....wut.

What?

I love my friends dearly. I do not want to have sex with them. I highly encourage other people to have sex with my friends, because they are awesome.


But you have yet to copulate with any of them; how do you know they are "awesome"? You may be unwittingly soliciting others to partake of an unpleasent experience.

I do not know what the hell you are smoking.

http://www.cigarnexus.com/mott/images/12981.gif

Maybe rejection will cause you to contemplate your sexuality, overcoming years of repressed feelings in order to come out of the closet? That sounds like a pretty surefire NS General answer.

In my case, it causes temporary insanity (lots of sadness, suicidal tendencies, etc.)

Now that's an NSG answer. (And it's true as well)

What?

I do not find my friends insignificant or unattractive. I find them awesome, or I wouldn't bother being friends with them. Duh.

But you have yet to copulate with any of them; how do you know they are "awesome"? You may be unwittingly soliciting others to partake of an unpleasent experience.

They are awesome human beings.

I - without any solid evidence or realistic reasons - don't believe there can be a relationship without lots of physical attraction. Well, there can be but it wouldn't be a better one - it would only be a crippled one.

So character doesn't mean anything to you? That sounds a bit shallow, I'm afraid.

Im curious as to why when a girl says to a guy something with the words "just friends", that phrase doesn't seem to sit well with the guy. Can any one explain why this is?

Because to us guys, the phrase "just friends" means "I don't want a relationship with you", "I don't want to go out with you", or if we've already been dating, "I'm breaking up with you".

I just had a dim misguided hope that the answer wasn't going to be what I thought it was. =\
What were you hoping it would be?

"Just friends" says that you find your "friend" insignificant, or worse, unattractive. It also states that you clearly believe you are too beautiful to not be loved by the interested sex, whilst your "friend" is not.
:D Bitter much? Sorry, but that remark makes me think you may have heard "I just want to be friends" more than once, but that you've never had to say it to someone yourself.

....wut.

I love my friends dearly. I do not want to have sex with them. I highly encourage other people to have sex with my friends, because they are awesome. I do not know what the hell you are smoking.
^^ This.

Because to us guys, the phrase "just friends" means "I don't want a relationship with you", "I don't want to go out with you", or if we've already been dating, "I'm breaking up with you".
It sucks for women, too, and for the same reasons.

It sucks for women, too, and for the same reasons.

True, I told one of my friends that I only liked her as that, she didn't like it.

Or...to put it in a nice way it might be that he has strong feelings for you, and wants a relationship for reasons more than sex. The fact that he's disappointed doesn't necessarily mean his thoughts are purely "OMG sexsexsexsexsex". Not all guys are like that, are they?

Hey, you handed in your guy card, you don't get to speak for us any more. :tongue:

Im curious as to why when a girl says to a guy something with the words "just friends", that phrase doesn't seem to sit well with the guy. Can any one explain why this is?

It's just disappointment, really. That's all it is.

I take that sort of rejection pretty easily myself. I don't know how other guys take it.

Just friends = you're never getting any.

The stigma that "just friends" has attached to it could be alleviated with a collective unclenching of the US sphincter when it comes to sex (well, figuratively for some, literally for others, but that's another thread). I find it utterly ludicrous that it's somehow inappropriate to think of someone in a sexual way before any kind of "relationship" has been established. If sex weren't something that always had to be packaged within the trappings of archaic courtship rituals and people just spoke their minds, I think there'd be less overall angst over what it means to be someone's "friend".

That's just my opinion, I could be wrong.
So basically you're saying everyone should stop getting so uptight about relationships and have sex a lot more freely without emotional ties?

Just friends = you're never getting any.

It's funny how "just" works as a modifier.

What?



But you have yet to copulate with any of them; how do you know they are "awesome"? You may be unwittingly soliciting others to partake of an unpleasent experience.

]

What does copulation have to do with knowing how awesome someone is? It's not like we're talking about rating their potential as lovers. We're talking about them in general.

My friends are awesome. I don't need to sex them to know that.

It's funny how "just" works as a modifier.

Indeed. As if a close friend is less than a fuckbuddy.

why do I get the feeling that somewhere, somehow, a 12 year old just got his heart broken?

Same here, poor fella

But NeoB explained it best

So character doesn't mean anything to you? That sounds a bit shallow, I'm afraid.Oh-kay, call me shallow if you will :)

But consider this; nope, I don't believe love can exist without at least a bit of lust but I don't believe one has to be stereotypically beautiful or handsome to be lusted after.

Personality comes into play here - people whose personalities you don't like become less and less attractive in your eyes with increasing exposure and the opposite is also true.

Personality affects your perception of the person you are interested in and physical attraction happens again.

This is just the way we are built - close friends (and I do believe a significant other should also be a close friend) are what we have for intellectual needs and fulfillment of the "nice personalities" quota.

Coupling is inherently a primal urge but since we also need intellectual satisfaction, perfect coupling requires both physical and mental attraction.

What I said does not remove mental "connection" from the equation - it just says that removing physical attraction would make it a problematic equation.

But, yeah, I am shallow like that :)

Cheerio!

So if you had a crush on a guy and he told you he just wanted to be friends you would be... delighted? Relieved? Happy? Because you're a girl and girls only ever want to be friends with guys?

I'd probably be sorta relieved, but I know thats not the reply all girls would give.

"This above all — to thine own self be true;
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man." -- Hamlet, Act I, Scene III

You can't convince me that if a guy you liked rejected you, you wouldn't be upset. It's human nature. That scenario hasn't happened to you yet, has it?

Forget about syntax for a second, guys, and consider the scenario.

When does a girl tell a boy she wants to 'just be friends?' Usually right after he's expressed to her his hopes and aspirations of romance with her. In all my life every time a girl has said that to me it's never been when we first met.

Her: Hi, my name is Trinity.
Me: Hi Trinity. I'm Neo.
Her: Oh hi, Neo. I just want to be friends.
Me: Groovy. Also, I know kung fu.

No. It's more like:

Me: Trinity, we've known each other for a while and I've been thinking... If you're not busy on Friday would you be interested in going out for dinner? I was thinking maybe we could do some ice skating first and then grab a nice dinner at the restaurant across the street from the rink. You're really cool and have a great smile, and I've thought you were very pretty ever since we first met. How does that sound?

Her: Aw, Neo, that's so sweet... but I just want to be friends.

THAT is when you hear that dreaded phrase, and that's why we hate hearing it.

Somewhat oversimplified, but mostly right on target. My edit (bold) was just for fun.

But you have yet to copulate with any of them; how do you know they are "awesome"? You may be unwittingly soliciting others to partake of an unpleasant experience.

Okay, I know in my rational mind that this is a bit of a fallacy, but it struck me as so funny that I'm going to excuse it. After all, you're exposing the selling of that person's friends as sexually available (when she was not) to be just as shallow an argument. Bravo.

I do not find my friends insignificant or unattractive. I find them awesome, or I wouldn't bother being friends with them. Duh.

They are awesome human beings.

That's as may be, and good for you as well, but Parkus' point remains. If they're shite in the sack, you may be recommending something that's not nearly as good as you imagine it to be, just because you think of your friends as awesome in every way you can experience that awesomeness except sexually, which was the point you were selling.

Just friends = you're never getting any.

As usual, Kat, you've crystallized my thoughts eloquently.

So basically you're saying everyone should stop getting so uptight about relationships and have sex a lot more freely without emotional ties?

Oh, for cryin' out loud, is that anywhere CLOSE to what I typed? Let me answer for you, since deliberate misinterpretation seems to have generated your response: no, no it isn't.

I'm saying that if there were no need for the stupid dance everyone has to go through in order to get sex when that's really all they want, there'd be no need to lie or present false images of one's suitability for a comprehensive romantic partnership, and we could all get on with life knowing exactly where everyone stood. Instead, we have to suffer through countless examples of "being led on" or "lying just to get into bed" and the variations on those themes that seem to make up the vast majority of interpersonal drama. I'm looking for less of the horseshit, and more forthrightness. I may as well take an extinguished torch into a windowless basement at midnight during a power failure to search for a black cat that isn't there.

"This above all — to thine own self be true;
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man." -- Hamlet, Act I, Scene III

*snip*

Oh, good advice, that. And what happened to the bloke who offered it? That's right, dead. Sorry, but I can't abide using a play wherein almost EVERYone following Polonius' screed winds up prematurely dead.

Hey, you handed in your guy card, you don't get to speak for us any more. :tongue:

Note to self: Don't be drinking orange juice while reading NSG threads. When I read this, my laughing fit meant my drink ended up on my screen:)

Because we then have to go and fork out for rohypnol :mad:

Im curious as to why when a girl says to a guy something with the words "just friends", that phrase doesn't seem to sit well with the guy. Can any one explain why this is?
"Just" = NO SEX FOR YOU!

Because we then have to go and fork out for rohypnol :mad:

Honestly, rohypnol its not that expensive. If you buy large amounts, the discounts offered make it a very sensible long-term investment.

Beacuse of all that work One does to woo the young philly then shes says that

Oh, good advice, that. And what happened to the bloke who offered it? That's right, dead. Sorry, but I can't abide using a play wherein almost EVERYone following Polonius' screed winds up prematurely dead.

I can't help it. I'm an actor.

Oh, for cryin' out loud, is that anywhere CLOSE to what I typed? Let me answer for you, since deliberate misinterpretation seems to have generated your response: no, no it isn't.

I'm saying that if there were no need for the stupid dance everyone has to go through in order to get sex when that's really all they want, there'd be no need to lie or present false images of one's suitability for a comprehensive romantic partnership, and we could all get on with life knowing exactly where everyone stood. Instead, we have to suffer through countless examples of "being led on" or "lying just to get into bed" and the variations on those themes that seem to make up the vast majority of interpersonal drama. I'm looking for less of the horseshit, and more forthrightness. I may as well take an extinguished torch into a windowless basement at midnight during a power failure to search for a black cat that isn't there.

.
So...freer sex, then, in the sense of forthrightness. I did correctly interpret you. I just didn't put it in the best of words.

"Just" = NO SEX FOR YOU!

Why when I read this did I think of the Soup Nazi?

Oh, good advice, that. And what happened to the bloke who offered it? That's right, dead. Sorry, but I can't abide using a play wherein almost EVERYone following Polonius' screed winds up prematurely dead.

He should have added to rider: "Oh, and thou should not live in close proximity with a murdering psychopath, even if he is the queens son."

Just friends = you're never getting any.

Never say never;)

It seems I woo almost every woman eventually, even after this dreaded phrase. Things change, situations change, etc. It's a matter of patience if you ask me, sometimes women need more proof that you're a suitable mate and it takes a while.

Any women to back me up on this?

That's easy. Men will always be men. ;)

If a person used the 'just friends' phrase on me, I'd probably giggle and tell them I feel like we're back in high school. It would be so cute.

Never say never;)

It seems I woo almost every woman eventually, even after this dreaded phrase. Things change, situations change, etc. It's a matter of patience if you ask me, sometimes women need more proof that you're a suitable mate and it takes a while.

Any women to back me up on this?

Not this one, sorry.

I think it varies too much from person to person to give such advice. People respond sexually to different things. Some people are more likely to respond to certain kinds of social/relationship behaviors that may take some time to come to light, so then, though they may say "not interested" at first, as they get to know the other person, they may change their mind. But other people, like me, have a separate sex response and friend response. For me, close friendship can build over time, even taking me eventually from actively disliking someone to counting them as a close and trusted friend. But if I don't feel randy towards someone within the first hour of seeing them, then I know I never, never will. It has nothing to do with whether they are an awesome human being or even a physical super-hottie. If the chemistry isn't there, I know from experience that, for me, it never will be. And that means, no sex. Period.

So if I say "just friends, okay?", and the guy persists, and I add, "look, you're a great person and I do really like you as a friend, but you're just not my type for sex," that needs to be the final word.

I do not find my friends insignificant or unattractive. I find them awesome, or I wouldn't bother being friends with them. Duh.

That depends: they could be George Constanza types.

They are awesome human beings.

Are they erotically appealing?

It seems I woo almost every woman eventually, even after this dreaded phrase. Things change, situations change, etc. It's a matter of patience if you ask me, sometimes women need more proof that you're a suitable mate and it takes a while.

Has this ever been successful?

What does copulation have to do with knowing how awesome someone is? It's not like we're talking about rating their potential as lovers. We're talking about them in general.

Then one should not encourage couching.

That depends: they could be George Constanza types.

Only if I were a Jerry Seinfeld type, which I'm not.

Are they erotically appealing?

To me? No. To someone? Indubitably. I thought we'd already established that. You seem to have the odd notion that there's some sort of objective scale of sexual attractiveness. I have absolutely zero desire to get naked with Angelina Jolie, but I'm pretty confident that there are people in the world who would enjoy doing so.

Also, Intangelon, I forgot to multiquote you, but I want to note that you seem to have misunderstood the point of my recommendation. I'm not saying "people should sex up my friends because my friends are so talented in the sack that you, the random people I don't know or care about, will enjoy it!" I'm saying "people should sex up my friends because my friends, being awesome people, deserve awesome things like chocolate and fuzzy puppies and great sex."

Only if I were a Jerry Seinfeld type, which I'm not.

He is a fairly cool person.



To me? No. To someone? Indubitably. I thought we'd already established that. You seem to have the odd notion that there's some sort of objective scale of sexual attractiveness. I have absolutely zero desire to get naked with Angelina Jolie, but I'm pretty confident that there are people in the world who would enjoy doing so.


So you find your friends unattracitve?

Also, Intangelon, I forgot to multiquote you, but I want to note that you seem to have misunderstood the point of my recommendation. I'm not saying "people should sex up my friends because my friends are so talented in the sack that you, the random people I don't know or care about, will enjoy it!" I'm saying "people should sex up my friends because my friends, being awesome people, deserve awesome things like chocolate and fuzzy puppies and great sex."

So, random chocolate and fuzzy puppies are fun, but random sex is not?

So you find your friends unattracitve?

...okay, I'm forced to conclude you're being deliberately dense. This is not a complex concept. Some of my friends are exceedingly good-looking. Some are not. Some are, I have no doubt, excellent in bed - one is even a porn star. Some are probably not. I do not choose my friends based on their physical or sexual attractiveness. I have no interest in having sex with my friends. That does not mean I find them unattractive; it means I, personally, am not romantically attracted to them, but do like them very much. Unless you are an alien being who has never encountered concepts like "friendship" and "attraction" before, there should be nothing confusing about this.

So, random chocolate and fuzzy puppies are fun, but random sex is not?

How does this sentence follow in any way, shape, or form from what I said?

...okay, I'm forced to conclude you're being deliberately dense. This is not a complex concept. Some of my friends are exceedingly good-looking. Some are not. Some are, I have no doubt, excellent in bed - one is even a porn star. Some are probably not. I do not choose my friends based on their physical or sexual attractiveness. I have no interest in having sex with my friends. That does not mean I find them unattractive; it means I, personally, am not romantically attracted to them, but do like them very much. Unless you are an alien being who has never encountered concepts like "friendship" and "attraction" before, there should be nothing confusing about this.

I do not understand: you know them, you like them, you say some are sexually appealing, yet you are repulsed by the idea of indulging in intercourse; why?

How does this sentence follow in any way, shape, or form from what I said?

I am simply trying to figure out whether you consider sex a normal pleasure, or if you believe a custom must accompany it.

So...freer sex, then, in the sense of forthrightness. I did correctly interpret you. I just didn't put it in the best of words.

I'm not going to belabor this point because I don't think the wording is your fault. "Freer sex", in the US at any rate, is a phrase that carries with it a certain connotation from the "free love" era in the US in the late 60s and through the 70s. In no way do I advocate a return to the Hippy ethos. Instead, I'd just rather dispense with the crazed formalities when it comes to being simply horny, so that nobody gets the bait-and-switch and gets in any way deceived.

Also, Intangelon, I forgot to multiquote you, but I want to note that you seem to have misunderstood the point of my recommendation. I'm not saying "people should sex up my friends because my friends are so talented in the sack that you, the random people I don't know or care about, will enjoy it!" I'm saying "people should sex up my friends because my friends, being awesome people, deserve awesome things like chocolate and fuzzy puppies and great sex."

Fair enough. Names, please? :D

Has this ever been successful?

Actually yeah, both ways too. There's 2 girls that were "just friends" and we ended up having a relationship or whatever, didn't work out, and we've gone back to being "just friends".

Then there's 1 girl where I said "just friends" and we end up having a relationship for a year and a half and are still very good friends after that ended.

Me personally, I have to find a person physically and mentally attractive to pursue anything real serious with them... unless I got drunk, then that's a different ball game.

Im curious as to why when a girl says to a guy something with the words "just friends", that phrase doesn't seem to sit well with the guy. Can any one explain why this is?
"Let's be just friends" is generally a code word for "Pike off, berk!", much like "Room 100" is a code word for a WC.

Thus, even guys who are actually fine with being friends (i.e. don't have much erotic interest) tend to react badly to "just friends". That's kinda like telling a girl "You know, the way you look, I could never imagine myself in bed with you... but don't worry, I can stand talking to you". Milder, but still. "Just friends" is an outed euphemism, like "toilet" for WC - hey, these days many people think it's WC which is an euphemism (while actually it's the proper name of the device).

Actually yeah,

Mm-hm, and how long did it take?

Sometimes I wonder if it does mean "I'm not interested in you".

Maybe she's not ready for a relationship, or want to wait until things are right from her end before entering into one.

As I think Alma Mater said, the "just" speaks volumes. What would better is, "I think we should be much more than mere acquaintances."

Mm-hm, and how long did it take?

Anywhere from 4 months to a year. Is this going anywhere?

Because to us guys, the phrase "just friends" means "I don't want a relationship with you", "I don't want to go out with you", or if we've already been dating, "I'm breaking up with you".

Not always. Sometimes it means "I'm feeling vaguely guilty about my boyfriend so I probably shouldn't have sex with you anymore. Unless we're drunk, horny and/or bored obviously".

Sometimes I wonder if it does mean "I'm not interested in you".

Maybe she's not ready for a relationship, or want to wait until things are right from her end before entering into one.

People generally say when they aren't ready, or use it as a line when they aren't interested.

Never say never;)

It seems I woo almost every woman eventually, even after this dreaded phrase. Things change, situations change, etc. It's a matter of patience if you ask me, sometimes women need more proof that you're a suitable mate and it takes a while.

Any women to back me up on this?

You must be high up on their friends ladder then, either that or you were low on their sex ladder and just managed to climb up.

...okay, I'm forced to conclude you're being deliberately dense. This is not a complex concept. Some of my friends are exceedingly good-looking. Some are not. Some are, I have no doubt, excellent in bed - one is even a porn star. Some are probably not. I do not choose my friends based on their physical or sexual attractiveness. I have no interest in having sex with my friends. That does not mean I find them unattractive; it means I, personally, am not romantically attracted to them, but do like them very much. Unless you are an alien being who has never encountered concepts like "friendship" and "attraction" before, there should be nothing confusing about this.

You know, because I'm me, I'm going to be pedantic and argue a bit against some of what you said. Being a porn star does not make someone good in bed. I'd certainly argue against that, in fact; porn stars regularly extend sexual sessions long past what they would normally last in any real sexual encounter, and fake the vast majority--possibly even the entirety--of their sexual pleasure, and conversely do not give their partner much in the way of sexual pleasure.

I'm not going to belabor this point because I don't think the wording is your fault. "Freer sex", in the US at any rate, is a phrase that carries with it a certain connotation from the "free love" era in the US in the late 60s and through the 70s. In no way do I advocate a return to the Hippy ethos. Instead, I'd just rather dispense with the crazed formalities when it comes to being simply horny, so that nobody gets the bait-and-switch and gets in any way deceived.

Oh...

See, I wasn't interpreting it in the whole Hippie ethos vein or however you want to say that. I wasn't saying you were saying that either. I was saying you're saying what you're saying. Get what I'm saying?

And you're right. In fact, I very much agree with you. Formalities can be extremely irritating. Now, me, I'd probably not do this--being that I associate sex very much with intimate relationships and I'm not comfortable with casual sex--but that's beside the point.

I do not understand: you know them, you like them, you say some are sexually appealing, yet you are repulsed by the idea of indulging in intercourse; why?

You ARE being deliberately dense.

She's not saying that at all. What she's saying is that she likes them, personality wise and all that stuff as a friend, but that she's not personally interested in them, either romantically or sexually.

One does not have to be interested in someone to recognize their sexual and romantic appeal.

Now, she is then saying ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TRACK that they deserve to have great sex, because that's how she feels about them. She's just not interested in them that way.

I'm honestly not certain why you're continuing to misinterpret this. It's not that hard to understand.


I am simply trying to figure out whether you consider sex a normal pleasure, or if you believe a custom must accompany it.
I don't think she said anywhere in her post either way, nor did she give the impression of believing either way, so why are you asking this?

She's not saying that at all. What she's saying is that she likes them, personality wise and all that stuff as a friend, but that she's not personally interested in them, either romantically or sexually.

She does not find any of her friends sexually attractive; that is all I wished to know.

Anywhere from 4 months to a year. Is this going anywhere?

Notes.

She does not find any of her friends sexually attractive; that is all I wished to know.

I'm getting sick of this little game you're playing. I'll go through this one more time, and then I am done, understand?

You stated:
"Just friends" says that you find your "friend" insignificant, or worse, unattractive. It also states that you clearly believe you are too beautiful to not be loved by the interested sex, whilst your "friend" is not.

You have continued to try to prove that not wanting to have sex with someone means you think they are inferior to you. This was bullshit when you first alleged it, and continues to be bullshit. I do not want to have sex with Angelina Jolie. I am nonetheless pretty convinced that Angelina Jolie is more sexually attractive than I am. I also do not want to have sex with Brad Pitt. Again, I am pretty convinced Brad Pitt is more sexually attractive than I am. My friend who has been in porn movies, who has worked as a professional model, and who is honestly so dazzlingly gorgeous that she looks like she just stepped out of a Renaissance painting is unambiguously more sexually attractive than me, insofar as she gets hit on by more people in a week than I will in a lifetime. Nonetheless, I still don't want to have sex with her. A great many of my friends are married, while I am not, which would suggest that their ability to be loved exceeds mine. I still don't want to have sex with them, because, for the umpteenth time, there is not some sort of universal objective scale of fuckability which means that everyone in the world who is less attractive than some value of X must be constantly consumed with lust for every person with an "attractiveness quotient" greater than X.

I do not want to have sex with Angelina Jolie.
I also do not want to have sex with Brad Pitt.
My friend who has been in porn movies [...] Nonetheless, I still don't want to have sex with her.
A great many of my friends are married [...] I still don't want to have sex with them
[sexologist mode on]

You seem to lack proper self-assteam, and suppress your sexuality for no reason. You have problems accepting the need to have sex with everything that moves. I think we should figure out a solution. If being a porn actor or being married doesn't turn you on, it's not a problem with them or with you, it's a childhood complex. Come to me more, and I'll help you restore your natural sexuality and have what you deserve.

*snip

Sexual appeal is in eye of the beholder. Do you find any of your friends sexually appealing?

You have continued to try to prove that not wanting to have sex with someone means you think they are inferior to you.

Great how the word "just" actually implies this, isn't it ;)