NationStates Jolt Archive

So what do you think London should do for its opening ceremony for the 2012 olympics. My idea is about 12,000 pearly kings and queens do a mass Lambeth Walk in unison to the music of Chas and Dave (not the real ones they are obviously too hideously ugly to appear in person) while giant figures representing whelks, apples and pears, red telephone boxes, and bowler hats move amongst them. Maybe a guest appearance by that true "born within earshot of the Bow bells" cockney Dick van Dyke himself.

Naked women and explosive. Just two hours of that and you'll have every man in the USA watching! :D

Naked women and explosive. Just two hours of that and you'll have every man in the USA watching! :D

But would it make you think of the UK?

Have all of the attendees participate in a group round up of all the Jews and minorities to keep the place clean and free of undesirable diversity.

But would it make you think of the UK?

Have Austin Powers be the Master of Ceremony?

So what do you think London should do for its opening ceremony for the 2012 olympics. My idea is about 12,000 pearly kings and queens do a mass Lambeth Walk in unison to the music of Chas and Dave (not the real ones they are obviously too hideously ugly to appear in person) while giant figures representing whelks, apples and pears, red telephone boxes, and bowler hats move amongst them. Maybe a guest appearance by that true "born within earshot of the Bow bells" cockney Dick van Dyke himself.

...and fog, and jack the ripper, and a red bus, and the odd fenian bomb plot, and stuff.

O, and effigies of Lily Allen being dealt with in a "Olde Schoole" law and order re-enactment.

Will ya'll include ya'lls side of the American Revolution?

Will ya'll include ya'lls side of the American Revolution?

Some toffee nosed gin soaked git, trying to boss the oiks about? Thats the Mayor, Boris Johnsons, job.

Will ya'll include ya'lls side of the American Revolution?

Yeah, we probably will lose to the Americans.

Will ya'll include ya'lls side of the American Revolution?

Well I am sure all American tourists will pay an inflated price for a little tea.

I'm in favour of a Prince Phillip stand up act. That'll pretty much sum up British culture, right there.

Burn a wicker man in the stadium.

It should include as much Led Zeppelin as possible. Maybe figure out a way to time-travel in the next four years, go back to 1971, and bring them all back to the present to play a huge show with more naked women then all of Las Vegas and enough explosives to destroy the moon.

Blow up Parliament.

Blow up Parliament.

Nah, try and fail.

The plucky runner-up. That's us Brits.

Nah, try and fail.

The plucky runner-up. That's us Brits.

Actually, wasn't he Dutch....?

Blow up Parliament.

...and have every performer in the stadium wear a Guy Fawkes masque and a noose! :p

Actually, wasn't he Dutch....?

We're a melting pot of nationalities. We claim whoever we want.

Just ask the Scots about those amazing British athletes Andy Murray and Chris Hoy.

I say we involve things from all around the world only make them slightly British* which is lets face it what is planned

or possibly we could dazzle the world with our comedians seeing as how the Chinese can't possibly say that they outdid us in that area :p

*which is lets face it what is planned

It should include as much Led Zeppelin as possible. Maybe figure out a way to time-travel in the next four years, go back to 1971, and bring them all back to the present to play a huge show with more naked women then all of Las Vegas and enough explosives to destroy the moon.

ugh, I hate how the total sum of British culture is long dead bands (did you see the handover show!?)

Actually, wasn't he Dutch....?

Yes, so the British won. But try and claim they didn't. I'm not sure what that says.

Yes, so the British won. But try and claim they didn't. I'm not sure what that says.

We're undercover. :cool:

ugh, I hate how the total sum of British culture is long dead bands (did you see the handover show!?)

Tell your countrymen to make shittier music, then. Countries like France don't have this problem.

Get Muse to play. The best Live British Band who put on a great show! In fact get Muse to organise the entire opening ceremony!

Something tasteful, I hope. And that doesn't exclude children from being seen for the sin of having crooked teeth.

And that doesn't exclude children from being seen for the sin of having crooked teeth.

British joke?

Tell your countrymen to make shittier music, then. Countries like France don't have this problem.

ROTFLMAO!!! :D
You Fuckin' ROCK! :hail::hail::hail:

Get Muse to play. The best Live British Band who put on a great show! In fact get Muse to organise the entire opening ceremony!
They're good, but Elbow are a far better live act, in my recent opinion.

However I fear for the ceremony, I really do. I won't watch it anyway - I never do - but I just have this growing dread that it'll involve the hated Beckham, perhaps to a soundtrack inflicted by the ageing Spice Girls. Do not want, as they say.

Hate for Beckham sums up much that is wrong with British attitudes. The man has done nothing wrong except be good at his job. The biggest threat to the London Olympics is that the world media will turn up to one of the world's greatest cities to see one of the world's great sporting events only to be greeted by a bunch of people whining that every single thing is the worst thing that could ever happen simply because it's British.

Get the hell over yourselves, quit the pathetic loser-y self-hate and relax, smile and enjoy the show.

Hate for Beckham sums up much that is wrong with British attitudes. The man has done nothing wrong except be good at his job. The biggest threat to the London Olympics is that the world media will turn up to one of the world's greatest cities to see one of the world's great sporting events only to be greeted by a bunch of people whining that every single thing is the worst thing that could ever happen simply because it's British.

Get the hell over yourselves, quit the pathetic loser-y self-hate and relax, smile and enjoy the show.

Completely agree.

Bring on the Morris Dancers!

And then the bearded ladies, eunuchs, and jumping jews of judea. Then a play.

They should have John Lithgow resurrect Freddie Mercury.

I'd like a mash up re-enactment of Agincourt and Waterloo - basically an entire ceremony highlighting that we're better than the French.

That would be great.

I think that before the broadcast of the actual ceremony, there should be a warning message saying, 'This broadcast must be enjoyed with a cup of tea and some biscuits'.

OK, there are two things that the British can use to top the Chinese: royals and Monty Python.

My proposed climax is a rendition of "Always Look On The Bright Side of Life" by the surviving Pythons. It starts out with one Python, then two, then three, then four, then five... and for the last verse, Queen Elizabeth herself comes out (until now, the Prime Minister has been slated to open the games).

Following the song, palace guards in full uniform come out, and the Prime Minister advances along a red carpet to escort Her Majesty to the podium, from where she makes her speech to open the games.

It should probably have some connection to the cultural and athletic heritage of Great Britain. Maybe they can invade other parts of the world and have different olympic events all over the globe?

No doubt there will be people on stilts, there always are. Do people make a living from stilt walking or do they have a proper job as well?

No doubt there will be people on stilts, there always are. Do people make a living from stilt walking or do they have a proper job as well?

*looks at stilts sitting by the couch*

...It's a mystery.

*looks at stilts sitting by the couch*

...It's a mystery.

Hmmmm, I might have guessed.

Hmmmm, I might have guessed.

I picked the skill up two summers ago. The unicycle is turning out to be a lot harder to master. *nod*

I picked the skill up two summers ago. The unicycle is turning out to be a lot harder to master. *nod*

I seem to remember from when I shared a house with people who taught circus skills the secret is to keep moving a little bit forward then a little bit backwards. Think I managed about three feet forwards then fell off.

Hate for Beckham sums up much that is wrong with British attitudes. The man has done nothing wrong except be good at his job
It's not Beckham-the-man or, for that matter, Beckham-the-footballer, that does my head in. It's a media-creation of Beckham as the avatar of all things English. It's more than 10 years of sporting occasions being presaged by a media frenzy of 'will he or won't he play', including interminable coverage on the national news. He's a guy who was a pretty good footballer, no more and no less, and I accept that it would be churlish of me to blame him as an individual for the media's obsession with him.

Get the hell over yourselves, quit the pathetic loser-y self-hate and relax, smile and enjoy the show.
Not entirely sure who the hell you're talking to here...

How's about we just parade our loot and cool inventions around for about 3 hours, with the Household Guard shouting "HUZZAH!" (from horseback) at everything new which gets brought in?

Also, when all of the countries bring out their flags and all, we should show off the best thing we stole from them in history. That would be pretty good times for all concerned.

But something tells me it'll be some absolutely pish arty wankery, in a half-built stadium, with the mayor of London, whoever he may be at that time, looking confused as to what to do. Happy days.

Queen's Christmas speech except.. you know... about the Olympics