NationStates Jolt Archive

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

No?


I never shared well as a kid. As an adult, with women, I doubt Im any better.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

So... I'm person A, who is connected to person B... and persons B and C are both mutually what? 'Attracted'? 'In love?' And Person C is a person that I'm also closely conencted to, but not in the same way...

It might depend on the specifics. Are these 'feelings' cute fuzzies, lustful naughtiness, or some kind of Harlequin romance-y type thing?

I'm not sure I'm jealous enough to try to claim ownership over a partner if she really wanted to be with someone else, even part-time. I certainly don't think I'm the sort that would be holding her to contract law. :)

I'm not sure I'm jealous enough to try to claim ownership over a partner if she really wanted to be with someone else, even part-time. I certainly don't think I'm the sort that would be holding her to contract law. :)


Well, in the OP the SO in question says she wants to be with person A and is in love with them, so...why is it even an issue? Shes happy where she is.


I also dont consider not sharing romantic partners to be "claiming ownership". If we agree to be exclusive, I intend to hold her to that until one of us leaves the relationship for whatever reason.

Well, in the OP the SO in question says she wants to be with person A and is in love with them, so...why is it even an issue? Shes happy where she is.


It says she is willing to, it doesn't say she's happy...

I guess the happiness of my partner is more important to me than how I feel about it. If she's not happy, I won't hold her. If she could be happier in a different arrangement, I'm willing to consider it.

If she's really not happy, even if she says she's wiling to stay... sooner or later, I'd lose her - either physically, or emotionally. Or both.


I also dont consider not sharing romantic partners to be "claiming ownership". If we agree to be exclusive, I intend to hold her to that until one of us leaves the relationship for whatever reason.

That whole 'hold her to that' thing - that's the kind of contract law thing I just don't see. I promised in good faith, but if I change from the person who made that promise, it would be insane to try to bind me in contract law to preserve that. It wouldn't work - and we'd all just end up unhappy.

I have a friend in a fairly similar situation actually. Except he's the third party and a poli-amourous relationship has bloomed. Actually I think they may have added a 4th member now it's all fairly confusing. All good people though and they genuinely love one another. Long term looks iffy to me but this things can work.

I am not good at emotional sharing. In this situation, I would likely feel that my SO did not love me as much as I loved him because he wished to be with our mutual friend, and I would end up being the one in emotional pain.

Knowing me, to protect myself, I would probably distance myself emotionally within the relationship. Let my SO do as he likes. If he wants to be with me, he can be with me. If he wants to be with our friend, he can be with her. If he wants to go back and forth, he may. But the more he splits himself between us, the less of me he'll get, emotionally, over time. And if the two of them want me to participate in this triangle with any kind of enthusiasm -- like going on vacations all three together -- they can forget that shit right off the bat. That won't happen.

Eventually, I would likely fall out of love with my SO, decide he wasn't my ideal soulmate after all, and start looking for another man. We'd see then how he feels about sharing, eh?

I'd probably get pissed off at my friend, too, after a while, thinking about all the times I fixed her up but never made a play for the guy she was with. That bitch. They can have each other, the backstabbing little weasels. I hope they enjoy their eventual bitter divorce.

They can have each other, the backstabbing little weasels. I hope they enjoy their eventual bitter divorce.

Wow, you um...you took this hypo to a whole other level.

Wow, you um...you took this hypo to a whole other level.
I have an active imagination. :wink:

I have an active imagination. :wink:

well then let me just say...I'm not wearing that...but I could be ;)

This person is everything the romantic ballads;

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go:
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.


:p

well then let me just say...I'm not wearing that...but I could be ;)
I'll imagine that. In fact, I'll dream of it (now = bedtime). Hm...Neo Art... in that outfit... what do I think of that...? *drifts off to slumberland*

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

I'm selfish, so I doubt it.

But. on a purely rational level, it would depend on a number of things - like whether my S.O. would actually agree to this, the amount of pain I'm willing to endure and the very real probability of it fracturing both my friendship and my relationship with my S.O.

I'll imagine that. In fact, I'll dream of it (now = bedtime). Hm...Neo Art... in that outfit... what do I think of that...? *drifts off to slumberland*

stop giggling. I can hear it from somerville.

stop giggling. I can hear it from somerville.
I actually am giggling, too. You so funny. :fluffle:

(Notice there are only 2 in that smilie. I'm not good at sharing, I tell ya!)

I actually am giggling, too. You so funny. :fluffle:

(Notice there are only 2 in that smilie. I'm not good at sharing, I tell ya!)

I um....damn I have nothing to say to this....

I am not good at emotional sharing. In this situation, I would likely feel that my SO did not love me as much as I loved him because he wished to be with our mutual friend, and I would end up being the one in emotional pain.

Knowing me, to protect myself, I would probably distance myself emotionally within the relationship. Let my SO do as he likes. If he wants to be with me, he can be with me. If he wants to be with our friend, he can be with her. If he wants to go back and forth, he may. But the more he splits himself between us, the less of me he'll get, emotionally, over time. And if the two of them want me to participate in this triangle with any kind of enthusiasm -- like going on vacations all three together -- they can forget that shit right off the bat. That won't happen.

Eventually, I would likely fall out of love with my SO, decide he wasn't my ideal soulmate after all, and start looking for another man. We'd see then how he feels about sharing, eh?

I'd probably get pissed off at my friend, too, after a while, thinking about all the times I fixed her up but never made a play for the guy she was with. That bitch. They can have each other, the backstabbing little weasels. I hope they enjoy their eventual bitter divorce.

While I didn't exactly think this out to the same degree, this is not dissimilar to how I think I might end up reacting. :tongue:

I will note this - the fact that the third party is apparently a close friend of mine makes a huge difference, as does the fact that my partner is apparently the "love of my life." It's much, much easier for me to contemplate sharing someone I quite like with some random chick or several random chicks than it is to contemplate sharing someone to whom I have given myself completely with someone I trusted to have my best interests at heart.

I'm an incredibly jealous person, so no.

I'm with KoL on the not-good-at-sharing thing. I would feel for my friend, and try to be very sensitive about the matter, but I wouldn't share. My SO would have to make a choice about who s/he wanted to be with, and if, as you state, s/he chose to be with me, that settles it.

My friend would be sad, but better sad and alive than shanked with a ballpoint, right?

Hell no! I do not share. I'm selfish and do not give a flying rat's ass about the emotional pain of my "friend". If my boyfriend says he loves ME and will stay with ME, then too bad for her!

My friend would be sad, but better sad and alive than shanked with a ballpoint, right?
Note to self, make sure that only sharpies are available before doing Ryadn wrong...


This is the sad thing, I'm far to likely to be the guy who bowed out. Which is kind of crap. But I've actually come to terms with the notion that friendship really isn't a 'second prize.' Granted, no boot knockin', and don't get me wrong, I certainly like to knock me some boots, but I also get out of the giant hassle of walking that minefield with my friend. If all went right neither of them would know. And I'd eventually move on. Much as I expect my friend would have, which is why my thing is kind of bullshit. People move on. I guess I should be willing to fight for love or something, but I kinda feel that if I have to it isn't, really.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

When I read this I immediately thought of Stranger in a Strange Land. I doubt I would share, I haven't been able to separate love and jealousy that much yet.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.
interesting.

I would have an open and honest discussion with her about our mutual friend.

if she's ok in spending some time with him, and he doesn't mind being the 'third' wheel. then I won't mind (after all, I probably couldn't think of a better person for her.) but if she shows any reluctance, then I won't force her to do anything she finds uncomfortable.

we'll then try to find someone for him.

No, probably not. I think it almost certainly end up permanently souring my relationships with both of them.

[...] In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain.
So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Sure, no problem there. Just as long as they use condoms and don't do blowjobs.

I would write a book about it. I think I might call it "A Tale of Two Cities", and set it in the French Revolution.

Would "Charles Dickens" would be a good pen-name?

So... I'm person A, who is connected to person B... and persons B and C are both mutually what? 'Attracted'? 'In love?' And Person C is a person that I'm also closely conencted to, but not in the same way...

It might depend on the specifics. Are these 'feelings' cute fuzzies, lustful naughtiness, or some kind of Harlequin romance-y type thing?

I'm not sure I'm jealous enough to try to claim ownership over a partner if she really wanted to be with someone else, even part-time. I certainly don't think I'm the sort that would be holding her to contract law. :)
Hmm... in said story, it was love. Not just the 'I want to jump your bones' love, but the 'I have literally gone through hell for you' love (Person C to SO); whereas the SO feels love for person C, it's more of a 'If I hadn't found person A, I would have, but I did and I have gone through hell for him/her and would so again.'

And yes, your SO IS very happy with you, but does hate to see person C in pain. Just doesn't want to cause you any either.

Strange. I'm in this situation as person B (the one caught in the middle).

I'm choosing to remain with person A because I dearly love him. The feelings I have for person C are those of a close friend, nothing more, and I've chosen to distance myself slightly from person C in order to maintain a good relationship with my SO.

Now then, if I were in person A's shoes, I would ask my SO to very carefully consider the pros and cons of both of us before making a decision. Even if that decision meant he/she wanted to cut back to a more casual relationship and date both of us, I would give him/her my blessing and support. It is so important that my SO be happy, no matter what the outcome, and I would do everything in my power to make sure that happened.

I have a friend in a fairly similar situation actually. Except he's the third party and a poli-amourous relationship has bloomed. Actually I think they may have added a 4th member now it's all fairly confusing. All good people though and they genuinely love one another. Long term looks iffy to me but this things can work.

You could keep things relatively simple by doing everything together, but it probably doesn't work that way. Oh well, love isn't a force that you can control through conventions and rules, so I hope it keeps working for them.

Nope, that probably wouldn't work for me long term jealousy-wise. Now, if there was also a mutual attraction between me and the friend, then something might be able to be more easily worked out in a mutually agreeable way.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

It'll end in tears and broken hearts either way, I think.

I've got no problem sharing my BF, we're both swingers after all. However, that only extends to sex, no deep emotions allowed. Otherwise it'd be too dangerous.

I am not good at emotional sharing. In this situation, I would likely feel that my SO did not love me as much as I loved him because he wished to be with our mutual friend, and I would end up being the one in emotional pain.

Knowing me, to protect myself, I would probably distance myself emotionally within the relationship. Let my SO do as he likes. If he wants to be with me, he can be with me. If he wants to be with our friend, he can be with her. If he wants to go back and forth, he may. But the more he splits himself between us, the less of me he'll get, emotionally, over time. And if the two of them want me to participate in this triangle with any kind of enthusiasm -- like going on vacations all three together -- they can forget that shit right off the bat. That won't happen.

Eventually, I would likely fall out of love with my SO, decide he wasn't my ideal soulmate after all, and start looking for another man. We'd see then how he feels about sharing, eh?

I'd probably get pissed off at my friend, too, after a while, thinking about all the times I fixed her up but never made a play for the guy she was with. That bitch. They can have each other, the backstabbing little weasels. I hope they enjoy their eventual bitter divorce.

^this.

Only difference is there would be no going back and forth. If she wants to be with me then we resolve the situation once and for all along that line. If she wants him, buh-bye. But the choice must be permanent.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

Sharing NEVER works. Period. Don't do it and if your partner wants to, dump them.

No. Hell no.

Either I would have to insist they left my SO alone or walk away from both of them.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

It seems to me that it wouldn't be my decision to make.

It also is important to establish what you mean by "share".

EDIT: I can probably answer the question with a "no" anyways. I am very obsessive and compulsive, have a quick temper, and really have trouble not being an asshole in situations like this. In this situation I would boil over and lash out at both, more than likely, no matter how I felt I should handle it rationally.

^this.

Only difference is there would be no going back and forth. If she wants to be with me then we resolve the situation once and for all along that line. If she wants him, buh-bye. But the choice must be permanent.
I was assuming that he and I were not yet married. If we're not married, then, by emotionally distancing myself, I'd be making my relationship with him more shallow, so less exclusive.

But if we are married, then they can forget the whole stupid idea. If he married me, then I own that thing, and I'll put a fucking leash on it, if I have to. And if that bitch "friend" of mine puts a hand on MY thing, she'll fucking lose it. Or if they insist on making an issue of it, then they can cry about their emotional pain to my divorce attorney.

I own that thing, and I'll put a fucking leash on it, if I have to.

I hear some men are into that.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

No, Hell No, Nada, Negative, Nein, Nuh huh, Not gonna happen, No Chance Lance..... you get the point.

I hear some men are into that.
Good, because they'll need to get used to it.

I guess the bottom line is I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. You're either with me or you're with someone else. Also, I'm an anti-bullshit kind of a person, and this whole scenario sounds like the kind of bullshit only a novelist could think would sound realistic.

"Oh, honey, I love you truly, madly, deeply, you're the only one for me, you complete me and put wind under my wings, but that said, I just can't stand to watch your hot friend feel all sad and shit because she can't have occasional doses of my manliness. I mean, I can help ease her pain. You'd want me to help ease her pain, right? Like just a couple of times a week? It doesn't mean I don't love you most of all."

Yeah, uh...no.

This is what I call a fantasy-scenario story. You know, the book/movie isn't porn, but it's essentially a porn set-up? Like "Brokeback Mountain" -- two hot cowboys out in the wilderness. That's a gay fantasy scenario. This is another fantasy scenario -- true love but with a little strange on the side and the main mate/spouse magically doesn't mind because it's all about helping someone. Please. Honestly. Like that would ever happen.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

Naah, you've been watching Youtube haven't you? :p

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yueuG6B-Zb4

Good, because they'll need to get used to it.

Sometimes, I can so see you in a dominatrix outfit....

I guess the bottom line is I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. You're either with me or you're with someone else. Also, I'm an anti-bullshit kind of a person, and this whole scenario sounds like the kind of bullshit only a novelist could think would sound realistic.

"Oh, honey, I love you truly, madly, deeply, you're the only one for me, you complete me and put wind under my wings, but that said, I just can't stand to watch your hot friend feel all sad and shit because she can't have occasional doses of my manliness. I mean, I can help ease her pain. You'd want me to help ease her pain, right? Like just a couple of times a week? It doesn't mean I don't love you most of all."

Yeah, uh...no.

This is what I call a fantasy-scenario story. You know, the book/movie isn't porn, but it's essentially a porn set-up? Like "Brokeback Mountain" -- two hot cowboys out in the wilderness. That's a gay fantasy scenario. This is another fantasy scenario -- true love but with a little strange on the side and the main mate/spouse magically doesn't mind because it's all about helping someone. Please. Honestly. Like that would ever happen.

It's ok though, because once he goes out to bone...I mean ease the pain of the hot friend, the wife calls in for pizza...

Now that said, there are people in this world, myself included, who don't mind open relationships and don't object to their spouse/partner getting some from someone else. I'm cool with that, just be honest with me about it. If you want some other dude to give you a roll now and then alright, but at least tell me that's why.

Sometimes, I can so see you in a dominatrix outfit....
Yeah, I guess... :wink:

It's ok though, because once he goes out to bone...I mean ease the pain of the hot friend, the wife calls in for pizza...
Damn straight! :D

Now that said, there are people in this world, myself included, who don't mind open relationships and don't object to their spouse/partner getting some from someone else. I'm cool with that, just be honest with me about it. If you want some other dude to give you a roll now and then alright, but at least tell me that's why.
I know there are such people, but I have a hard time believing those relationships ever get anywhere near the level of commitment posited in the OP.

As I suggested in my first response, I'd tolerate a casual, shallow, occasional-date boyfriend not being exclusive to me, but I'd also be looking for someone else at the same time I was seeing him. Note: "seeing him," not "with him." The mere fact that the boyfriend would consider getting into an ongoing thing with another woman would tell me that he's not really committed to me.

Yeah, I guess... :wink:

Shame I'm so totally not into that...

Shame I'm so totally not into that...
I'm not into it, either. I mean, I'm not into outfits and props and ritual and all that boring talk. I mean I have that kind of "boss" personality. Most of the time, though, it manifests as distance rather than the kind of over-involvement that those "roleplaying" relationships require. I'm the kind of boss who wants a partner who's a self-starter with lots of initiative and drive, rather than one that needs a lot of supervision and guidance.

I'm not into it, either. I mean, I'm not into outfits and props and ritual and all that boring talk. I mean I have that kind of "boss" personality. Most of the time, though, it manifests as distance rather than the kind of over-involvement that those "roleplaying" relationships require. I'm the kind of boss who wants a partner who's a self-starter with lots of initiative and drive, rather than one that needs a lot of supervision and guidance.

so what do I need to do to get a raise? ;)

I'm not into it, either. I mean, I'm not into outfits and props and ritual and all that boring talk. I mean I have that kind of "boss" personality. Most of the time, though, it manifests as distance rather than the kind of over-involvement that those "roleplaying" relationships require. I'm the kind of boss who wants a partner who's a self-starter with lots of initiative and drive, rather than one that needs a lot of supervision and guidance.
Those are the cruellest dominatrixes of all...

so what do I need to do to get a raise? ;)
We can discuss that at your annual performance review. :tongue:

Hello no.

This ain't candy or fries or books or games or movies you're talking about.

If your SO is faithful to you, why risk the chance of raising her interest in your best buddy, especially if he's all into her?

She decided to be with you. Should she decide to leave you and hook up him your friend, that's her decision - but honestly why open up the path without any need?

Sure, sucks to be him - but such is life. There's a point at which you need start thinking about yourself, too. Apparently, the other guy didn't when he helped you woo her, so again, that was his decision.

Among my friends and me we have this saying - never share anything that starts with "F": Frauen (women), Fahrräder (bikes), Feuerzeuge (lighters), Fahrzeuge (vehicles/cars), Füller (fountain pens) - you'll never get'em back in the condition in which you lent them and with which you were happy!

Sharing? Love is neither possessive nor exclusive. A refusal to lay exclusive claim to another tends to leave me in the shoes of Person C, but I would rather do that than be the one to deprive others of their potential happiness.

Oh, and...

so what do I need to do to get a raise? ;)
We can discuss that at your annual performance review. :tongue:
Get a boardroom, you two. :p

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.
no

...

Under no circumstances would "sharing" be acceptable.

Everything in life involves choice. I have chosen to commit to my SO, to the exclusion of all others. She has likewise chosen to commit to me. From the question, it seems that she is not considering changing that commitment. If now she is even considering changing that choice, then the relationship itself is on shaky ground. I would attempt to help her strengthen her commitment or, failing that, end the relationship and free her to seek whoever else pleases her. I would not consider changing the commitment merely to assuage any "pain" anyone else may be in, friend or no.

As to the "pain" issue, pain and suffering are inherent in the human condition. If pain cannot be eased or eliminated, it must be endured. That said, I would probably try to help my friend by, for example, helping him find another object for his affections.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.


Well, I've had to actualy consider this as a possibility. I have found the 'love of my life' whatever the fuck that means, and the last thing I want to do is shackle us both to one another with chains of mutual lies about never ever being attracted to anyone else.

If he found someone that he loved, and still loved me...well, I don't think I could bring myself to make some sort of stupid stand where he'd have to give one or the other of us up. And even if I could do something that contrary to my personal beliefs, I have great hope that I'd come to my senses before I even attempted it.

It would be tough if the 'other person' didn't have romantic feelings for me and visa versa...but we'd apparently still have the bonds of friendship, which to me, is no small thing. I want my lover to be happy, and if someone else can help in that regard, then why wouldn't I want that?

I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are harder things. Like giving into jealousy and possessiveness and anger and resentment and misunderstanding. Been there, done that, and no way am I repeating those mistakes, if I can help it.

So, I'd say, time to buy a place with an extra room...so she could move in with us.

Sharing NEVER works. Period. Don't do it and if your partner wants to, dump them.

It's patently ridiculous for you to speak in absolutes when discussing other people.

But if we are married, then they can forget the whole stupid idea. If he married me, then I own that thing, and I'll put a fucking leash on it, if I have to. And if that bitch "friend" of mine puts a hand on MY thing, she'll fucking lose it. Or if they insist on making an issue of it, then they can cry about their emotional pain to my divorce attorney.

Not saying you're wrong in the way you feel, I'm just quoting this because it highlights what I personally find repugnant about some monogamous relationships. The concept of ownership. I certainly don't want to be considered 'property' even in the esoteric emotional sense. I want to be in a relationship where I am free to be myself, and my partner is free to be his or herself. That can't happen, in my mind, when the other person feels that they have a 'claim' on me, some sort of 'veto' power over me. It doesn't mean I'd go around just exercising my freedom and damn the consequences...but if I really want to do something, I want to feel supported in that, even if it isn't necessarily something my SO is involved in. And visa versa.

Good, because they'll need to get used to it.

I guess the bottom line is I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person. You're either with me or you're with someone else. Also, I'm an anti-bullshit kind of a person, and this whole scenario sounds like the kind of bullshit only a novelist could think would sound realistic.

"Oh, honey, I love you truly, madly, deeply, you're the only one for me, you complete me and put wind under my wings, but that said, I just can't stand to watch your hot friend feel all sad and shit because she can't have occasional doses of my manliness. I mean, I can help ease her pain. You'd want me to help ease her pain, right? Like just a couple of times a week? It doesn't mean I don't love you most of all."

Yeah, uh...no.

This is what I call a fantasy-scenario story. You know, the book/movie isn't porn, but it's essentially a porn set-up? Like "Brokeback Mountain" -- two hot cowboys out in the wilderness. That's a gay fantasy scenario. This is another fantasy scenario -- true love but with a little strange on the side and the main mate/spouse magically doesn't mind because it's all about helping someone. Please. Honestly. Like that would ever happen.

You don't think it's possible for someone to be in love with two people at the same time? To the point where there would be no real way to say that the love for one exceeded the other?

I have two daughters...I certainly don't love one less than the other.

I don't believe that romantic love is such a different creature that this becomes impossible.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

Sure, I guess.

would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Sure. Why not?

I was assuming that he and I were not yet married. If we're not married, then, by emotionally distancing myself, I'd be making my relationship with him more shallow, so less exclusive.

But if we are married, then they can forget the whole stupid idea. If he married me, then I own that thing, and I'll put a fucking leash on it, if I have to. And if that bitch "friend" of mine puts a hand on MY thing, she'll fucking lose it. Or if they insist on making an issue of it, then they can cry about their emotional pain to my divorce attorney.

Roger that.

Aut Cæsar aut nihil.

Aut Cæsar aut nihil.

That assumes that you're somehow less important simply because your SO can love someone else at the same time.

It's that 'apple pie' version of love again. Only so many slices to go around...like you must have the 'whole pie' because less is...less.

I don't buy it. Love is not so finite.

I'd be interested to see what the overlap is between those who think they might be willing to share... and those who think they've already found the love of their life...

My perspective in my current relationship has been totally different to previous relationships. Not that I was especially jealous, but - looking back - no previous relationship made ME so selfless, and so focused on what makes my partner happy.

I'm much less certain that I'd be willing to risk this relationship in ways I might have before, and I'd rather take a form of it, than lose it.

Neesika seems to be saying something similar - both to the 'love of my life' issue, and the 'maybe willing to share issue'. I'm wondering if that's statistical anomoly.

I don't buy it. Love is not so finite.

Time and attention are.

So... It depends on how the relationship would manifest itself. And what our situation is at the moment.

No, never. I can´t share chocolate, much less a girl.

Time and attention are. Yes, but somehow we manage to support ourselves or study, spend time with friends and family, and do any number of things that need our attention. Having two significant others would mean scheduling things a bit better, but it's doable.

So... It depends on how the relationship would manifest itself. And what our situation is at the moment.
Of course.

And GnI...I think there are any number of people who have replied that feel as though they've met their 'loves' and the answers seem varied.

Not saying you're wrong in the way you feel, I'm just quoting this because it highlights what I personally find repugnant about some monogamous relationships. The concept of ownership. I certainly don't want to be considered 'property' even in the esoteric emotional sense. I want to be in a relationship where I am free to be myself, and my partner is free to be his or herself. That can't happen, in my mind, when the other person feels that they have a 'claim' on me, some sort of 'veto' power over me. It doesn't mean I'd go around just exercising my freedom and damn the consequences...but if I really want to do something, I want to feel supported in that, even if it isn't necessarily something my SO is involved in. And visa versa.
I am not in any way suggesting that my way of thinking is "right" or even applicable to anyone but me. I am only describing my thought process in the hypothetical situation.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

This reminds me of of Hamish Alexander and Honor Harrington in the novels by David Webber

You don't think it's possible for someone to be in love with two people at the same time? To the point where there would be no real way to say that the love for one exceeded the other?

I have two daughters...I certainly don't love one less than the other.

I don't believe that romantic love is such a different creature that this becomes impossible.
I do think sexual love is different from other loves. For me, sex brings a whole different vibe and dynamic to the relationship. It creates a "pair bond" (behaviorist/zoologist's term) to the relationship that other loves do not bring. The emotional bond of friendship that lovers might feel for each other is different from the emotional bond created by sexual intimacy. The friendship aspect of the love can survive the end or lack of a sexual bond, but a sexual bond has a hard time "sharing." It's a pair bond, not a group bond. It has been my experience that, if it can "share," then the pair bond is not really there.

This is why, for me, if a man is MY lover, then he should not be anyone else's lover. If he wants someone else, he has to leave me for that other person.

It's patently ridiculous for you to speak in absolutes when discussing other people.

It most certainly is not when you see the wreckage of the lives around you due to this lifestyle. It never ends well. Divorce, insanity, criminal charges, and the lives of children shattered.

It starts out like a good idea and everything is cool but the cracks WILL begin to show.

It most certainly is not when you see the wreckage of the lives around you due to this lifestyle. It never ends well. Divorce, insanity, criminal charges, and the lives of children shattered.

It starts out like a good idea and everything is cool but the cracks WILL begin to show.

Oh spare me. You are not so amazing that the sum of your experiences should serve to give you the power to utter absolutes. In YOUR EXPERIENCE 'it' (undefined) never ends well...and you descend into ridiculous hyperbole, even with the 'shattering of children's lives' angle.

I've seen things to directly contradict your experiences...but I don't sit here and say it can absolutely work for everyone just because of that. I don't actually think personal anecdotes serve much purpose here, if they're only to be used to warn others off, or entice them into trying something they might not be comfortable with.

Try using your brain, sort of like how Mur'v does.

I am not in any way suggesting that my way of thinking is "right" or even applicable to anyone but me. I am only describing my thought process in the hypothetical situation.

I'm aware. Just responding to it, to make my own position more clear:)

It most certainly is not when you see the wreckage of the lives around you due to this lifestyle. It never ends well. Divorce, insanity, criminal charges, and the lives of children shattered.

It starts out like a good idea and everything is cool but the cracks WILL begin to show.

I've seen 'normal' regular marriages and relationships that end in divorce, insanity (literally, in one case - not sure if that's what you mean), criminal charges and lives of children shattered. Indeed, the statistics suggest those things aren't UN-likely in 'normal' regular marriages. (Or relationships).

I've also seen poly relationships that have stayed remarkably comfortable. And, sometimes, things in between... poly relationships based on a pairing, but with a sort of transitional 'poly' member. Groupings that occassionally become pairings for a while, before regrouping - that kind of thing.

The only absolute I've found in the rules for relationships, is that it seems to be a bad idea to state ANY universal absolutes.

I do think sexual love is different from other loves. For me, sex brings a whole different vibe and dynamic to the relationship. It creates a "pair bond" (behaviorist/zoologist's term) to the relationship that other loves do not bring. The emotional bond of friendship that lovers might feel for each other is different from the emotional bond created by sexual intimacy. The friendship aspect of the love can survive the end or lack of a sexual bond, but a sexual bond has a hard time "sharing." It's a pair bond, not a group bond. It has been my experience that, if it can "share," then the pair bond is not really there. Fair enough, if that's how you see it. I don't really buy into the 'pair' bond though. I've been in love with more than one person at once (yes and had sex with them too) and I didn't find that it meant I didn't REALLY love either of them. Then again, I haven't had a relationship like the one I have now before, so I just have to see how it goes, and deal with things as they come up. It doesn't bother me that he is free to sleep with other people, in great part because I also have that freedom and it doesn't mean I love him any less....so I'm not left feeling like he loves me any less if he sleeps with others.

Then again, I'm not in love with anyone besides him, not in the same way. That would be harder than just having sex with other people, and I'm not sure how I'd deal with it in this situation.


This is why, for me, if a man is MY lover, then he should not be anyone else's lover. If he wants someone else, he has to leave me for that other person.

If my partner were really in love with someone else, for sure that would be harder for me than if he just wanted to fuck someone else. The latter, I really don't have a problem with. The former...don't know yet. I like to think I could handle it.

That assumes that you're somehow less important simply because your SO can love someone else at the same time.

It's that 'apple pie' version of love again. Only so many slices to go around...like you must have the 'whole pie' because less is...less.

I don't buy it. Love is not so finite.

You are looking for logic in love; sheer folly.

The only absolute I've found in the rules for relationships, is that it seems to be a bad idea to state ANY universal absolutes.

This.......

You are looking for logic in love; sheer folly.

If we can overcome other primal urges, surely we can overcome jealousy and possessiveness.

I want my partner to be happy. If that means not treating him like my property, well, I think that's best for both of us, actually.

If we can overcome other primal urges, surely we can overcome jealousy and possessiveness.

I want my partner to be happy. If that means not treating him like my property, well, I think that's best for both of us, actually.

This.....

Fair enough, if that's how you see it. I don't really buy into the 'pair' bond though. I've been in love with more than one person at once (yes and had sex with them too) and I didn't find that it meant I didn't REALLY love either of them. Then again, I haven't had a relationship like the one I have now before, so I just have to see how it goes, and deal with things as they come up. It doesn't bother me that he is free to sleep with other people, in great part because I also have that freedom and it doesn't mean I love him any less....so I'm not left feeling like he loves me any less if he sleeps with others.

Then again, I'm not in love with anyone besides him, not in the same way. That would be harder than just having sex with other people, and I'm not sure how I'd deal with it in this situation.



If my partner were really in love with someone else, for sure that would be harder for me than if he just wanted to fuck someone else. The latter, I really don't have a problem with. The former...don't know yet. I like to think I could handle it.
Okey-dokey. I'll just say one thing that's about the thread topic:

In the OP, the situation posited is one of love. It's not just your partner wanting to fuck someone else, but you sharing your partner on an ongoing basis with someone else who professes to be so deeply in love with him that she will suffer unbearable emotional pain if she's not with him. To me, that's a recipe for emotional conflict and potential disaster, right there. And the disaster might not have anything to do with sex, per se, but with the emotional confusion of the posited situation.

Why did this woman fix you up with a man she was in love with?

Why is your man, who is "willing" to be exclusive to you, still offering to sleep with this other woman? Does he think you want him to? Does he not want to, or does he want to? What the fuck is his deal?

If this woman really loves your man, how willing will she be to share him with you?

Etc. There's a whole bog's worth of emotional quagmires and sink holes in this scenario. I'll stay out of it, thanks, and if my man wants to go into it, he can go without me.

I'd be interested to see what the overlap is between those who think they might be willing to share... and those who think they've already found the love of their life...

My perspective in my current relationship has been totally different to previous relationships. Not that I was especially jealous, but - looking back - no previous relationship made ME so selfless, and so focused on what makes my partner happy.

I'm much less certain that I'd be willing to risk this relationship in ways I might have before, and I'd rather take a form of it, than lose it.

Neesika seems to be saying something similar - both to the 'love of my life' issue, and the 'maybe willing to share issue'. I'm wondering if that's statistical anomoly.

If there is a noticeable overlap, I think it's less likely to be because true love turns monogamous people poly or something like that, and far more likely to be because what one is willing to do for someone one loves is generally a good deal more than what one would be happy to do. I've been very deeply in love, and I willingly would have let him chop my arm off if that was somehow a necessary condition of the relationship, but I'd still be pretty damn unhappy about not having an arm anymore. If he had demanded the "sharing" scenario in the OP of me, I probably would have allowed it - but I would have cried myself to sleep every night he spent with my "friend."

If there is a noticeable overlap, I think it's less likely to be because true love turns monogamous people poly or something like that, and far more likely to be because what one is willing to do for someone one loves is generally a good deal more than what one would be happy to do. I've been very deeply in love, and I willingly would have let him chop my arm off if that was somehow a necessary condition of the relationship, but I'd still be pretty damn unhappy about not having an arm anymore. If he had demanded the "sharing" scenario in the OP of me, I probably would have allowed it - but I would have cried myself to sleep every night he spent with my "friend."

Yeah, I wasn't suggesting that true love makes you poly. :)

More like what you were saying - I've noticed that my values are different. It's weird - although the relationship is so much deeper than anything that came before, and has lasted longer than all the others put together... it's also the one in which there is least of the jealousness and possessiveness. I can't help but feel it's made me a better person, it's certainly made me a different person. In this case - a less possessive person.... a more sharing person, perhaps.

Why share? Soloman had some good ideas.

Why share? Soloman had some good ideas.

The answer is to have 700 wives and 300 concubines?

The answer is to have 700 wives and 300 concubines?

Nah, cut them in half.

But the concubines sound nice. You probably wouldn't be too bothered if your friend wanted one of them.

Nah, cut them in half.


I'm not quite sure how that would apply... but okay.

Funny that the guy who was so ready to claim 700 brides, came up with such a bizarre response to the problem of a 'shared' child...


But the concubines sound nice. You probably wouldn't be too bothered if your friend wanted one of them.

Indeed. You just have to watch out for all the spikes.

I'm not quite sure how that would apply... but okay.

Just slice horizontally, the worst you get is one oriface.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

I'm fine until she considers him better than me. That's where I draw the line.

Naah, you've been watching Youtube haven't you? :p

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yueuG6B-Zb4
Nope! Though this was a web comic. :p

I'd be interested to see what the overlap is between those who think they might be willing to share... and those who think they've already found the love of their life...
I've found, and married, the love of mine, and no, I wouldn't share. I'd walk away, if I was convinced that she would be happier with this person, but I just could not bring myself to share. No matter how good a friend that person is, no matter how much pain he's in... I just can't do it.

Why did this woman fix you up with a man she was in love with?
Well, original story had it as the SO fell in love with you first and didn't notice the feelings of the other lady until much, much later. She didn't so much as fix you and your SO up together, but decide to work for his happiness, and if that meant you, them's the breaks. The two of you didn't exactly hit it off well either, in fact you both tried to kill each other, but, you know, saving the world together a few times and all that...

Why is your man, who is "willing" to be exclusive to you, still offering to sleep with this other woman? Does he think you want him to? Does he not want to, or does he want to? What the fuck is his deal?
Original story has him having to be talked into it by 'you'.

Ya know what, screw it. Go read Fans! (www.faans.com), all 1,747 strips of it to get the details. I'm getting confused on who I am talking about now. :tongue:

I personally thought that the author of Fans! wrote himself into a corner with the love triangle he came up with, and sharing was his solution. However, as a reader and someone who is married, I just couldn't see it as actually working, hence the thread to see what other's thought.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

This is a good philisophical question. I suppose it would depend upon a lot of different factors...and I'm not willing to say definitively either way at this point.

I just don't know. I couldn't know until I'm in the situation, really. (Which is not likely to ever happen.)

If we can overcome other primal urges, surely we can overcome jealousy and possessiveness.

Alas, I cannot; this is why I shall never have a relationship, nor even bother to seek one. (Jealousy is a primal urge?)

I want my partner to be happy. If that means not treating him like my property, well, I think that's best for both of us, actually.

I would not want my life to revolve about someone whom I have only partial time with.

I would not want my life to revolve about someone whom I have only partial time with.

Unless you're going to be literally glued to someone's ass, that's gonna happen anyway.

Let's say that you have found the love of your life. This person is everything the romantic ballads; completes you, is always there for you, etc. yadda, yadda, yadda. Now let us say that there is someone else, same sexual orientation as you, who ALSO loves your SO. This someone else is someone you consider as a close friend. In fact, this someone else actually did his/her utmost to make sure you and your SO are happy together, even though it meant his/her own pain. Now, your SO does have feelings for your friend, but has made it clear that s/he loves you and is willing to be faithful to just you until the end of time and all that. So the question is, in that kind of situation, where you have a good friend in pain like that, would you be willing to share your SO with him/her?

Assume that, no, your friend isn't interested in YOU that way, just your SO.

And in case you're wondering, this is out of a story I was reading.

Sharing isn't an option. Why? Because it only complicates the problem and make everyone suffer more in this entanglement. This is one of those sacrifices that other people actually don't want you to make, as it isn't going to be fair for anyone. I am not surprise that it comes from a story, only by sharing do they then have another hundred pages worth of emotions and pain. There are only two options if you still want to remain friend, to hold on and not share at all, or to let go entirely and let them have their way.

Well, original story had it as the SO fell in love with you first and didn't notice the feelings of the other lady until much, much later. She didn't so much as fix you and your SO up together, but decide to work for his happiness, and if that meant you, them's the breaks. The two of you didn't exactly hit it off well either, in fact you both tried to kill each other, but, you know, saving the world together a few times and all that...
Well, problem solved, then. He picked me. Decision made. I win. She loses. Next topic.


Original story has him having to be talked into it by 'you'.
Another hurdle jumped. There is no way I'd be talking my man into banging a woman he's not into. If I love him, I'm sure as hell not going to pimp him out.

Ya know what, screw it. Go read Fans! (www.faans.com), all 1,747 strips of it to get the details. I'm getting confused on who I am talking about now. :tongue:

I personally thought that the author of Fans! wrote himself into a corner with the love triangle he came up with, and sharing was his solution. However, as a reader and someone who is married, I just couldn't see it as actually working, hence the thread to see what other's thought.
I agree. It was a bad plot choice. If the story was realistic, there is no way it would end without everyone being miserable.

Ya know what, screw it. Go read Fans! (www.faans.com), all 1,747 strips of it to get the details. I'm getting confused on who I am talking about now. :tongue:

I personally thought that the author of Fans! wrote himself into a corner with the love triangle he came up with, and sharing was his solution. However, as a reader and someone who is married, I just couldn't see it as actually working, hence the thread to see what other's thought.When the series first ended, it really didn't make any sense. But since he continued it some months ago, and elaborating a bit on this point some weeks ago, I could somewhat see how it works out with these characters.

As for me; I'm not sure. I wouldn't dismiss it outright, but sharing someone brings along a lot of problems unless you go for a full three-way relationship. (Which is what it ended up as in Faans.) Which isn't to say that wouldn't have its own problems, but at least you don't have to schedule who get whom when.

It was a bad plot choice. If the story was realistic, there is no way it would end without everyone being miserable.If the story was realistic, they wouldn't have alien invasions and whatnot :tongue:

If the story was realistic, they wouldn't have alien invasions and whatnot :tongue:
What? You don't know that they're already among us? ;)

Realism, aka verisimilitude, does not mean there can be no fantastic elements in a story. It only means that even the fantastic elements have to sound like they could work the way the writer set them up. And this particular fantasy of the author's doesn't.

Yes, but somehow we manage to support ourselves or study, spend time with friends and family, and do any number of things that need our attention. Having two significant others would mean scheduling things a bit better, but it's doable.

But I'm not be in direct comparison to working, studying, or hanging with friends and family. There would be someone else who would share the exact same function to my lover that I would, and so, if my lover were treating myself and my potential friend the same (giving each of us the same attention and time), it stands to reason that I'd see her approximately half the time I do now, which would be difficult for me to take. Thinking abut it... I don't think I could manage with the dual blows of cutting my intimate time* with her in half as well as the knowledge that she is willingly cutting it in half in order to share it with someone else. It would create a big shift in balance, one that I'm fairly confident I wouldn't be able to take.

*intimate time, meaning time spent doing relationshippy stuff and bonding at an intimate level, which can but doesn't have to include sexy-tiem.