NationStates Jolt Archive

Gotta be careful of these guys

Teacher Arrested at JFK - -

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, Senator Obama said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes." Democratic leaders told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Senator.

He still has a slide rule? He must be a terrorist: only being holed up in a cave can explain being that out-of-date.

Now we just need a formula for deriving the humour from this set of puns.

Don't think I didn't spot your ridicule of Obama in here. If anything, he'd be one of the least likely Senators to support infringing on someone's rights based on religious grounds. Which is probably part of why he isn't winning by a landslide.

On the other hand, SM, admitting to "not liking maths" would probably win a huge swathe of Middle America. He's obviously pretty smart ... sooner or later he has to admit to some kind of intellectual weakness, or he'll lose. I think Maths might be a good gambit.

Suggested line: "I was always OK with the money stuff, but who really cares what x is equal to?"

Funny rant, ASD. I've got nothing ...

Really, I endorse the ridicule of Obama. Ridiculing McCain's education would just be cruel.

On the other hand, SM, admitting to "not liking maths" would probably win a huge swathe of Middle America. He's obviously pretty smart ... sooner or later he has to admit to some kind of intellectual weakness, or he'll lose. I think Maths might be a good gambit.

Suggested line: "I was always OK with the money stuff, but who really cares what x is equal to?"

Funny rant, ASD. I've got nothing ...

I can't take credit for it, someone emailed to me.

I wish the US would listen to the international community and condemn the practice of chalk boarding to extract information from prisoners.

My school knew they were a threat for years.

USA is last again.

I wish the US would listen to the international community and condemn the practice of chalk boarding to extract information from prisoners.
Is that where the examiners grate their fingernails on the chalk board? :rolleyes:

Now we just need a formula for deriving the humour from this set of puns.

divide by zero.