NationStates Jolt Archive

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MESSAGE FROM THE OFFICE OF THE PARTY PRESIDENT

Good Sah, those damn foreigners are revolting again! They want to call new elections, even though our might was clearly recognised last time (http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showthread.php?t=499781), wot! As such, Her Majesty must once again call all loyal subjects of the Emparh to step forward and take their place in the ranks of the party. The manifesto is below, wotwot, to be published in all the corners of the earth!

Huzzah!


The New British Imperial Party

Manifesto

ENGLAND EXPECTS THAT EVERY MAN SHALL DO HIS DUTY

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Welcome to the New British Imperial Party manifesto, old boy! It's absolutely spiffing to see you, wotwot! This manifesto is intended to convince you of the benefits to NationStates that would come from the site moving into the light of Britannic civilisation, wot!


Key Points

1) The drinking of tea is mandatory. Any member of NationStates who does not drink at least one cup every 12 hours will get a jolly good talking to! 'Coffee' is banned.

2) The 'United Kingdom' shall be defined in the following way; An English success is 'English'. An English failure is 'Henman'. A Scottish success is 'British.' A Scottish failure is 'Scottish' (this also applies to Wales and those pesky Northern Irelander's, wot!)

3) Instead of warnings, forum bans or deletions, the primary method of enforcing NS rules will be to send in a gunboat.

4) Anyone from a former part of the British Empire is to be referred to as a "damn colonial".

5) Anyone not from a former part of the British Empire or Britain is to be referred to as a "damn foreigner".

6) From this day forth newsreaders are banned from walking around the studio grinning when announcing thousands of deaths.

7) All food dishes must be served with a double portion of chips.

8) The statue of the pregnant woman in Trafalgar Square shall be replaced with one of Terry Wogan.

9) The word "Empire" must be pronounced "Emparh" with reference to the British Empire.

10) It is compulsory to moan about the "bloody weather" at least once per day, or at any time when noticing the bloody weather.

11) An official moratorium is to be put in place upon the phrases "Well done" and "Congratulations". Instead, the phrase "Jolly good show!" must be used.

12) Watching (and waving a Union Flag during) the Last Night of the Proms is compulsorary.

13) The manufacture of tweed jackets, bowler hats and umbrellas is to be subsidised.

14) NationStates shall invest vast sums of money into building a Royal Navy.

15) Celebrating the battles of Agincourt, Trafalgar and Waterloo is compulsorary on pain of removal of tea rations.

16) NationStates is to apply for Commonwealth membership and recognise the Queen as head of state.


Now that that's over, you can all go out and jolly well join up, wot!

God Save the Queen!


Most Honourable Members of Her Majesty's Emparh:

The Rt. Hon. Admiral Lord Sir Professor Philosopy CBE OBE MBE Party President
The Rt. Hon. Lady Lord Sir Vacuumhead CBE OBE MBE Secretary of State for the Home Office and Minister for Ladies; Vice Party President
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Rubiconic Crossings CBE OBE MBE First Lord of the Admiralty and Minister for Tea
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Fartsniffage CBE OBE MBE Secretary of State for the Foreign Office
Damn Colonial Aronnax Governor-General of Singapore
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Call to power Minister for Eggs and Bacon
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Forsakia Minister for the Bloody Weather and Minister for Sheep
Damn Foreigner Krensonia Leader of the Dutch Wing of the NBIP
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir UN Protectorates CBE OBE MBE Secretary of State for The Wee Lads and Bonnie Lasses North of the Border
Damn Colonial Malkyer Leader of the United States Wing of the NBIP
The Rt. Hon. Field Marshall Lord Sir The Friesland colony CBE OBE MBE Field Marshal
Damn Colonial Hamilay Secretary of State for the Colonies
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir The blessed Chris CBE OBE MBE Viceroy of the East India Trading Company
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Ilaer CBE OBE MBE Lord Chancellor and Minister for Spreading Proper English
Damn Colonial Caleduardia Minister for the Tropics
Damn Foreigner Novus-America Minister for Counter-Terrorism
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Anke Morpork CBE OBE MBE Minister for Imperial Education
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Vodka-stonia CBE OBE MBE Minister for Spirits
Damn Colonial Zouloukistan Governor-General of Canada and Minister for The Eradication of Coffee
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Mega gning CBE OBE MBE Minister for Flag Waving at the Proms
Damn Colonial Lady Little Monkies Minister for Emparh Fluffles
Damn Colonial Gurguvungunit Minister for the Promotion of Emparh History and Deputy Minister for Spreading Proper English
The Most Hon. Lord Sir Praetonia CBE OBE MBE Duke of Westminister
Damn Colonial Revasser Governor-General of Australia
Damn Foreigner Obok Kyorl Minister for Eastern Affairs
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir UK-dom CBE OBE MBE Minister for Sanity
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir. Ieuano CBE OBE MBE Secretary of State for Administrative Affairs
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir. Valtoria CBE OBE MBE Minister for New Posters
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir. Niploma CBE OBE MBE Minister for Private Boarding Schools & Upper-Class Snobbery
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Wenglish CBE OBE MBE Minister for Biscuits
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Armed public CBE OBE MBE Minister for The Furtherment of Enjoyment of all Good People in Her Majesty's Emparh
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir UNIverseVERSE CBE OBE MBE Minister for Cucumber Sandwiches
The Most Hon. Lord Sir Aust CBE OBE MBE Duke of Yorkshire
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir That Imperial Navy CBE OBE MBE Lord Pontwink copplebottom III
The Rt. Hon. Dame Lord Sir Eofaerwic CBE OBE MBE Minister for Eurocrats
Damn Foreigner Melphi Servant Boy
The Rt. Hon Lord Sir Renner20 CBE OBE MBE Minister for Shakespeare
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir West Pacific Asia CBE OBE MBE Minster for the Eradication of Atlee
Graduate of the Dick Van Dyke School of English The imperian empire CBE OBE MBE Secretary of State for the Common Man
The Rt. Hon. Lady Lord Sir Nadkor CBE OBE MBE Secretary of State for Ireland
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Adunabar CBE OBE MBE Minister for Spiffingness
Damn Colonial Kostemetsia Governor General of Australia
Damn Colonial Regenius Secretary of Reuniting the Commonwealth with the Commonwealth
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Dukeburyshire CBE OBE MBE Secretary of State for the Invasion of Damn Colonials
The Rt. Hon. Lord Sir Holy Cheese and Shoes CBE OBE MBE Minister for Port and Stilton

What ho peasants!

About bloody time, I haven't sent a gunboat to sort out the damn colonials in almost a year.

What ho peasants!

About bloody time, I haven't sent a gunboat to sort out the damn colonials in almost a year.
They are starting to get pushy, good sah! It's about time we sent in the navy to sit them all down with a jolly good cuppa, wot!

Damn It. Someone stole My Party Name! Now what will I call stage1 of my "take over the world" plan?

Oh, well, I have real policies!

Vote TNIFLPP. Because it's always party-time.

Damn It. Someone stole My Party Name! Now what will I call stage1 of my "take over the world" plan?

Oh, well, I have real policies!

Sah, this party is older than the sun, wot! So why not pull up a chair and join us for some tea and scones? Huzzah!

Vote TNIFLPP. Because it's always party-time.

Take your foul libertarianism elsewhere.

This is a party of big government with big gunboats damn your breeches.

*dispatches first gunboat of the campaign*

One must keep these damn colonials in check wot.

Take your foul libertarianism elsewhere.

This is a party of big government with big gunboats damn your breeches.

*dispatches first gunboat of the campaign*

One must keep these damn colonials in check wot.

I'm glad to see that the Foreign Office is still doing all that is necessary for the protection of the Emparh, wot!

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Take your foul libertarianism elsewhere.

This is a party of big government with big gunboats damn your breeches.

*dispatches first gunboat of the campaign*

One must keep these damn colonials in check wot.

*Pours brandy in teapot. Uses brandy to suborn gunboat crew.* There's no time like a good time, come to the party.

Jolly Spiffing, what what! The Emparh all the way! :hail:

Jolly Spiffing, what what! The Emparh all the way! :hail:
A new member? Huzzah! Choose your rank and title, good sah, for the glory of the Emparh!

Lord Pontwink copplebottom III.

Lord Pontwink copplebottom III.
I shall add you to the list of members, good sah!

Bringing back the Empire you say? Jolly Good Show I say Sah, Wot Wot.

Tea, my good sirs?

I shall add you to the list of members, good sah!

Jolly Spiffing old chap pip pip!

Ye should mourn your fallen comrades... Lords and ladies gone since the last assembly. :(


*Mourns fallen MP*

What the hell is this about the british em-pie-er? Must drink tea? Why would I drink that? Nasty stuff. ICBM's trump your navy. :p *insert general disregard for the rules laid down in the OP*

The power of ICBM's is insignificant next to the power of tea.

*Enjoys a nice cuppa*

God Save the Queen, the Commonwealth and the Union. Wot Wot,

Jeeves, bring the tea then were going for a bit of sport on the moor

Happiness is in a cigar called Hamlet

Bringing back the Empire you say? Jolly Good Show I say Sah, Wot Wot.

Tea, my good sirs?

Sign up, old boy! Choose your office and title, and I shall add you to the list in the morning!

Huzzah!

Ah, the NBIP. Wouldn't be an election without you, lads.

*Strides in, wearing his best Red Coat uniform, with Scottish kilt*

I daresay, gentleman, I wish to lend my support once again to the Great British Imperial Party!

Also, may I take over the post of Secretary of State for The Wee Lads and Bonnie Lasses North of the Border, as the previous title-bearer, is in fact, quite deceased in terms of posting.

*Points to kilt-wearing skeleton in a chair at the back of the Brandy room*

I also believe I am entitled to the post on account of creating and promoting policy number two.

It's all about the Gunboats and the Diplomacy and the Gunboat Diplomacy:

http://www.maritimequest.com/warship_directory/great_britain/battleships/warspite/05_hms_warspite_entering_valletta.jpg

Good old Warspite. Greatest ship the RN ever had. What did Atlee do?


Scrap her.

It's all about the Gunboats and the Diplomacy and the Gunboat Diplomacy:

http://www.maritimequest.com/warship_directory/great_britain/battleships/warspite/05_hms_warspite_entering_valletta.jpg

Good old Warspite. Greatest ship the RN ever had. What did Atlee do?


Scrap her.

*Nods reverently, whilst swirling a glass of brandy in one hand, a pipe in the other*

Indeed, indeed. However, the old girl was getting on a bit. However, her legacy will live on.

The Rt. Hon. Dame Eofaerwic

I believe due to my unfortunate experiencing childhood in that damned bastion of EU bureaucracy city of Brussels (though I say, those foreigners do know how to make good chips, wot wot), I shall take the role of Minister for Eurocrats

I am honoured to return to my post in charge of the Bloody Weather and sheep, thereby having responsibility for the main interests of the English and Welsh respectively.

Now to a more serious question, Ceylon or Earl Grey?

I am honoured to return to my post in charge of the Bloody Weather and sheep, thereby having responsibility for the main interests of the English and Welsh respectively.

Now to a more serious question, Ceylon or Earl Grey?

Earl Grey, my dear boy! The British are a Strong people, and so require Strong tea leaves!

*secretly sips Lady Grey instead*

Awrite guv'nur!

Abaht nickle and dime someone from the bloody ovver end of English society makes themselves 'eard from the bottom of the apples 'n' pears. 'Ere comes the londoners! sah!

Yeah

And you'd bloody better not call me "Sir", or "Lord" this time.

Lady will do nicely.

I do think I should be Minister for Ireland, those damn colonials need looking after.

Huzzah!

Damn it, I thought this was a real political party. I would love to join and Imperial party.

Bringing back the Empire you say? Jolly Good Show I say Sah, Wot Wot.

Tea, my good sirs?
Welcome to the party, good sah!

What the hell is this about the british em-pie-er? Must drink tea? Why would I drink that? Nasty stuff. ICBM's trump your navy. :p *insert general disregard for the rules laid down in the OP*
*Pressgangs into service*
God Save the Queen, the Commonwealth and the Union. Wot Wot,

Jeeves, bring the tea then were going for a bit of sport on the moor

Happiness is in a cigar called Hamlet
Her Majesty salutes you, old chap!
*Strides in, wearing his best Red Coat uniform, with Scottish kilt*

I daresay, gentleman, I wish to lend my support once again to the Great British Imperial Party!

Also, may I take over the post of Secretary of State for The Wee Lads and Bonnie Lasses North of the Border, as the previous title-bearer, is in fact, quite deceased in terms of posting.

*Points to kilt-wearing skeleton in a chair at the back of the Brandy room*

I also believe I am entitled to the post on account of creating and promoting policy number two.
Huzzah!
It's all about the Gunboats and the Diplomacy and the Gunboat Diplomacy:

http://www.maritimequest.com/warship_directory/great_britain/battleships/warspite/05_hms_warspite_entering_valletta.jpg

Good old Warspite. Greatest ship the RN ever had. What did Atlee do?


Scrap her.
The Queen has told me on many an occasion how much she despised that little man, wot!
The Rt. Hon. Dame Eofaerwic

I believe due to my unfortunate experiencing childhood in that damned bastion of EU bureaucracy city of Brussels (though I say, those foreigners do know how to make good chips, wot wot), I shall take the role of Minister for Eurocrats
Of course, my Lord!
Awrite guv'nur!

Abaht nickle and dime someone from the bloody ovver end of English society makes themselves 'eard from the bottom of the apples 'n' pears. 'Ere comes the londoners! sah!
Welcome to the party, good shoe shining sah!
Yeah

And you'd bloody better not call me "Sir", or "Lord" this time.

Lady will do nicely.

I do think I should be Minister for Ireland, those damn colonials need looking after.

Huzzah!
Of course, my Lady Lord! The Emparh salutes you!

How spiffing! An Emparh thread!

Huzzah! The party of righteousness, if I may call it that, old fruits, has finally come about! Sign me up, wot wot. As a damn colonial, of course; I'd expect nothing more, it just wouldn't be fitting.

How spiffing! An Emparh thread!

Huzzah! The party of righteousness, if I may call it that, old fruits, has finally come about! Sign me up, wot wot. As a damn colonial, of course; I'd expect nothing more, it just wouldn't be fitting.

Welcome, good sahs, the party salutes you, wot!

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Allow me to begin this post by confessing that I am a damn Colonial, a damn Yank in fact. However, I see no reason why I couldn't join the Imperial Party! I'm already a member of one Commonwealth, why not add another?

Damn Colonial Regenius, Secretary of Reuniting the Commonwealth with the Commonwealth.

Huzzah!

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Might I offer you a cup of tea, old chap? The Emparh's finest. Her Majesty would be proud.

http://www.nndb.com/people/926/000050776/lord-percy.jpg

Might I offer you a cup of tea, old chap? The Emparh's finest. Her Majesty would be proud.

http://www.nndb.com/people/926/000050776/lord-percy.jpg

*Throws away blaspheming coffee. Sips tea.*

Sah? Permission to Spearhead the Invasion of Rhodesia What?

That would be quite spiffing, old bean. You really must tell us how it goes, if of course the good sah sees reason to grant you permission. You know how he is.

This is all I have to say about this party...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Swcjg4WmoXk

Allow me to begin this post by confessing that I am a damn Colonial, a damn Yank in fact. However, I see no reason why I couldn't join the Imperial Party! I'm already a member of one Commonwealth, why not add another?

Damn Colonial Regenius, Secretary of Reuniting the Commonwealth with the Commonwealth.

Huzzah!

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Sah? Permission to Spearhead the Invasion of Rhodesia What?

Welcome to the party, old boys!

Bumping for the Emparh, wot!

Well I guess ill be a damn colonial if I came under your rule....so I vow to destroy your feeble party! MUHAHAAHHAHAHA!

What-Ho!

I was in the middle of scouting for boys when I came across this rather spiffing thread, and not much can distract me from that I can tell you!

Such was my surprise that my monocle nigh-on flew across the room, and my waxed moustache stiffened with love for Queen and Country! I also need to wash my smoking jacket post-haste.

Sign me up chaps! Especially if there is a position for the abolition of damn foreign cheeses.

Toodle-pip!

What ho, old fruit! It's absolutely super to see a new member here, I must say! Tea? We also provide free biscuits.

What ho, old fruit! It's absolutely super to see a new member here, I must say! Tea? We also provide free biscuits.

And crumpets, crumpets (and crumpet) for all!

I'm awfully sorry, but I don't biscuit any more, I said farewell to those halcyon days when I left Public school a full-grown man. Nothing wrong with a spot of fagging, mind you.

Chin chin!

*raises glass of port*

*eyes up stilton*

What-Ho!

I was in the middle of scouting for boys when I came across this rather spiffing thread, and not much can distract me from that I can tell you!

Such was my surprise that my monocle nigh-on flew across the room, and my waxed moustache stiffened with love for Queen and Country! I also need to wash my smoking jacket post-haste.

Sign me up chaps! Especially if there is a position for the abolition of damn foreign cheeses.

Toodle-pip!

Welcome to the party, old boy!