NationStates Jolt Archive

No, this has nothing to do with something that's been happening recently, although it has happened (long story about that). Just asking if anyone has ever tried to destroy a relationship. And not just for teh secks.

Eh, I wanted to, but knowing my luck, it'd come back and bite me in the ass.

Just asking if anyone has ever tried to destroy a relationship.

I've had the (jealousy-inspired) thought once or twice, but I'm not really capable of the requisite malice.

And it usually makes me sad when relationships end. Affection is good.

I've had the (jealousy-inspired) thought once or twice, but I'm not really capable of the requisite malice.

And it usually makes me sad when relationships end. Affection is good.

Unless it needed to end because neither party is happy.

Soheran, I've tried, but I was having a breakdown at the time. (Because of the relationship actually) And they weren't really in a relationship in the first place, just making out a lot. And Wilgrove, I gotta agree with you on the luck thing.

No because that's too much work!

Unless it needed to end because neither party is happy.

Oh, I didn't mean to suggest that relationships should never end. I know better than that.

But it's hardly my place to make that decision for anyone else.

I've had the opportunity, but why bother? I'd be an absolute dick for doing so, plus I was genuinely saddened by the relationship ending the way it did.

She really isn't my type, either, but the opportunity was very much there.

I would be overjoyed if an ex of mine dumped her current boyfriend, because I think he's going to end up beating the crap out of her.

But it's not my place to break them up. I tell her my opinion of him whenever I get the chance, but I also always tell her that it's her life and I'm not telling her what to do, only what I think about him, and it's up to her to make a decision.

I have not.

I have, more than once...But not on purpose

There's no good reason to try and break up a relationship.

If you can break it up, it wasn't real. And, I would be leery of having a relationship with anyone who left a relationship because I had put pressure on it.

Attempting to break up a good relationship only makes you a fool and may end your friendship with one or both of the people involved.

No, this has nothing to do with something that's been happening recently, although it has happened (long story about that). Just asking if anyone has ever tried to destroy a relationship. And not just for teh secks.

Yep.

Everyone knows the guy is an asshole, everyone told her to break up with him.

What does she do? Gets knocked up.

That's when I started getting apathetic.

Yes... i started a campaign in my social group to split two ppl up - he was very bad for her...

Then i had the issue that once she was single I had the option of going out with her myself - which i had to turn down cause otherwise everyone would have thought i did it for me :/

I've done it before and it has worked out well for most involved but I wouldn't really recommend doing it because I'm nice like that

I've had plenty of attempts on me though :tongue:

Unless it needed to end because neither party is happy.

I think your missing the fundamental feature of being in a relationship :p

I have, more than once...But not on purpose

Same with me. I didn't do it on purpose.

Yep.

Everyone knows the guy is an asshole, everyone told her to break up with him.

What does she do? Gets knocked up.

That's when I started getting apathetic.

Wow... (I really hope you're not parodying somebody)

Always, always ends badly. Seriously, the girl will think of you as a best friend when she's looking for affection, and the guy deserves to kick the shit out of you.

No, this has nothing to do with something that's been happening recently, although it has happened (long story about that). Just asking if anyone has ever tried to destroy a relationship. And not just for teh secks.

Well...I was fighting with a room-mate (we were the only chicks in a frat house). She was being a total cock blocker and trying to scoop the guy I was hunting. So, I fucked her boyfriend. A few times. In semi-public places.

It was more of a revenge thing than a sex thing.

Hmmmm, other than that, no. I pretty much try to stay out of people's relationships. I'll listen, I may even offer a bit of advice if asked...but ultimately, people need to work it out on their own.

Yes. I'll admit that I have tried. Luckily someone stopped me and I realised the unethicality of it. It was still an unhealthy relationship with an arrogant male personality dominating a more submissive, unsure, and romantically blinded female.

But such is life, no?

Now, I try and stay out of other folks' shit.

Never wanted to, never tried.

Nope, not my business, not my life and I doubt anyone would listen anyway.

No, this has nothing to do with something that's been happening recently, although it has happened (long story about that). Just asking if anyone has ever tried to destroy a relationship. And not just for teh secks.

You seem to be mixing up your terms. Being a third wheel doesn't involve any relationship destruction, just a lot of awkwardness sometimes. It just means that you're a tag-along with a couple you're friends with. I've been a third wheel for a year now, as my two best friends in college are a couple.

You seem to be mixing up your terms. Being a third wheel doesn't involve any relationship destruction, just a lot of awkwardness sometimes. It just means that you're a tag-along with a couple you're friends with. I've been a third wheel for a year now, as my two best friends in college are a couple.

That's what I was. I guess I'm sorta mixing it up. But I was trying to at the same time.

Well...I was fighting with a room-mate (we were the only chicks in a frat house). She was being a total cock blocker and trying to scoop the guy I was hunting. So, I fucked her boyfriend. A few times. In semi-public places.

It was more of a revenge thing than a sex thing.

Hmmmm, other than that, no. I pretty much try to stay out of people's relationships. I'll listen, I may even offer a bit of advice if asked...but ultimately, people need to work it out on their own.

Whoa...

That's what I was. I guess I'm sorta mixing it up. But I was trying to at the same time.

Why were you trying to break up your friends' relationship?

I mean, being a third wheel can be kind of awkward, but I don't mind it with my friends because they're just so cute it makes me go "awwwww."

Well...I was fighting with a room-mate (we were the only chicks in a frat house). She was being a total cock blocker and trying to scoop the guy I was hunting. So, I fucked her boyfriend. A few times. In semi-public places.

It was more of a revenge thing than a sex thing.

Hmmmm, other than that, no. I pretty much try to stay out of people's relationships. I'll listen, I may even offer a bit of advice if asked...but ultimately, people need to work it out on their own.

Wow. Just... wow... *makes note to self never to interfere with Sin's guy-hunting*

No, this has nothing to do with something that's been happening recently, although it has happened (long story about that). Just asking if anyone has ever tried to destroy a relationship. And not just for teh secks.

As the wording seems to be unclear... I was never in the position of a third wheel as somebody defined it above. I did try to break a relationship, though, but sadly was unable to do so (not in third wheel sense; I haven't even ever met the guy. But destroying a relationship, that's what you always try to do if your would-be partner isn't single, right?)

As the wording seems to be unclear... I was never in the position of a third wheel as somebody defined it above. I did try to break a relationship, though, but sadly was unable to do so (not in third wheel sense; I haven't even ever met the guy. But destroying a relationship, that's what you always try to do if your would-be partner isn't single, right?)

Not if you have ethics, no. Though for me, there are variations. It's always okay to break up someone's relationship if they're your enemy and dating your friend. It's only okay to break up the relationship of someone you don't know if it's with your friend and your friend is clearly unhappy in the relationship. If both people in the relationship are your friends, "I want to date the chick/dude" is absolutely not a valid reason for trying to break up the relationship.

Not if you have ethics, no. Though for me, there are variations. It's always okay to break up someone's relationship if they're your enemy and dating your friend. It's only okay to break up the relationship of someone you don't know if it's with your friend and your friend is clearly unhappy in the relationship. If both people in the relationship are your friends, "I want to date the chick/dude" is absolutely not a valid reason for trying to break up the relationship.

Uhm... by definition, if you're going for someone who isn't single, you're trying to break up the relationship. Unless you're into threesomes, I guess. That's got nothing to do with ethics, right or wrong.

As the wording seems to be unclear... I was never in the position of a third wheel as somebody defined it above. I did try to break a relationship, though, but sadly was unable to do so (not in third wheel sense; I haven't even ever met the guy. But destroying a relationship, that's what you always try to do if your would-be partner isn't single, right?)

I meant in either sense, shoulda made that clear.
Why were you trying to break up your friends' relationship?

I mean, being a third wheel can be kind of awkward, but I don't mind it with my friends because they're just so cute it makes me go "awwwww."

They were just having a physical relationship, and it was making me really depressed. (I had a mental breakdown.)

Uhm... by definition, if you're going for someone who isn't single, you're trying to break up the relationship. Unless you're into threesomes, I guess. That's got nothing to do with ethics, right or wrong.

I guess I'll have to spell it out for you. I think it is wrong to go for people who aren't single, unless of course they're with someone who is an enemy or they are clearly unhappy with their relationship.

Was that clear enough?

I broke up a couple once, very unintentionally. I've never tried to break any couple up. *shrug*

I guess I'll have to spell it out for you. I think it is wrong to go for people who aren't single, unless of course they're with someone who is an enemy or they are clearly unhappy with their relationship.

Was that clear enough?

That was perfectly clear from the beginning. But as you began your response with "Not if you have ethics, no", I somehow decided you were answering to the only question in the post you quoted.

That was perfectly clear from the beginning. But as you began your response with "Not if you have ethics, no", I somehow decided you were answering to the only question in the post you quoted.

If one had ethics, one would not break apart a friend's happy relationship.

They were just having a physical relationship, and it was making me really depressed. (I had a mental breakdown.)

Were they happy with that, though?

If one had ethics, one would not break apart a friend's happy relationship.

You're repeating yourself.

Couldn't you either

1) Respond to what you're quoting (the quoted post just stated that you answered a rhetorical question)
2) Add some new information (you said that already... twice. And I even acknowledged understanding it)

?

Were they happy with that, though?

Not really, the girl didn't really want to do it, she just did it out of hormones and to keep the guy happy. He didn't like abuse her or anything because if he did we would've kicked his ass, he just made out at random times. (Like once when they fed each other pizza)

You're repeating yourself.

Couldn't you either

1) Respond to what you're quoting (the quoted post just stated that you answered a rhetorical question)
2) Add some new information (you said that already... twice. And I even acknowledged understanding it)

?

If you're clear on my opinion, why do you keep posting?

Not really, the girl didn't really want to do it, she just did it out of hormones and to keep the guy happy. He didn't like abuse her or anything because if he did we would've kicked his ass, he just made out at random times. (Like once when they fed each other pizza)

Well, if she was unhappy with the relationship, that's another thing and attempting to break it up could be considered justified.

If you're clear on my opinion, why do you keep posting?

You kept quoting me, it seemed you were somehow disagreeing with me or whatever.

But let's quit that...

Something that I would find more interesting: if it's ethically wrong to break the relationship of somebody normally, why is it not if the other person is an enemy? Do ethics change depending on your personal opinion of the people involved?

I have dearly wanted to, but I realized that it was a desperate attempt doomed to failure. The person I sought to "save" was not the same person that I had known half of my life, and no amount of evidence that her boyfriend was a frightening sociopath was going to snap her back into reality. It was very hard to let it go, because I wanted so much to believe that I could change things... but in the end I had to admit to myself that, while the guy was a liar of the weasliest order, my friend had willingly allowed herself to be taken in by him, had made the choice to believe his lies, and I couldn't change that. Our relationship ended shortly after that realization.

I've been in this position a couple of times. One girl I actually wanted to be with and her bf was really a d bag. It is the only time I tried that. I almost wound up marrying her, go figure. Other times it was just for the sex. Then I realized I could just have sex with her and her bf could continue to buy her shit. That's a win win.

I broke up a couple once, very unintentionally. I've never tried to break any couple up. *shrug*

I wish I were as good as you. For me it's always the significant others' fault. If we're not friends and I F'd your gf, why are you mad at me? She is the one committed to you, I just wanted to work that arse.

You kept quoting me, it seemed you were somehow disagreeing with me or whatever.

But let's quit that...

Something that I would find more interesting: if it's ethically wrong to break the relationship of somebody normally, why is it not if the other person is an enemy? Do ethics change depending on your personal opinion of the people involved?

If I hate them, I probably don't think they deserve to go out with my friend.

I wish I were as good as you. For me it's always the significant others' fault. If we're not friends and I F'd your gf, why are you mad at me? She is the one committed to you, I just wanted to work that arse.

Because it takes two to tango.

Well, if she was unhappy with the relationship, that's another thing and attempting to break it up could be considered justified.

I wasn't trying. I was just with them a lot, being a third wheel, watching them feed pizza to each other, etc. She talked to me after I had my breakdown and asked if I'd mind if she used me as an excuse.

Heh - age old question of ethics and can be generalized as "is it wrong to go for this girl/boy?" whomever that "girl/boy" may be - [substitute "girl" with "boy" when necessary] a friend's girlfriend, a girl 15 years younger than you (but old enough to have consent, of course), a girl you know to be, let's say, open about sexual intercourse, a girl your family hates, a girl 15 years older than you, a girl who's engaged, a married girl, a girl with a boyfriend, a girl with a girlfriend, a girl with monthly battery bill the size of Australia, a girl who used to be a boy, a girl with a terminal illness etc.

The answer is; whatever rocks your (and her/his) boat mate ;) If you and the other party begin to like each other, feel a consistent pull towards each other, you will, at some point, get it out of your system anyways - so why bother with technicalities?

Cheerio!

Just asking if anyone has ever tried to destroy a relationship.

Other than my own, no. :tongue:

Heh - age old question of ethics and can be generalized as "is it wrong to go for this girl/boy?" whomever that "girl/boy" may be - [substitute "girl" with "boy" when necessary] a friend's girlfriend, a girl 15 years younger than you (but old enough to have consent, of course), a girl you know to be, let's say, open about sexual intercourse, a girl your family hates, a girl 15 years older than you, a girl who's engaged, a married girl, a girl with a boyfriend, a girl with a girlfriend, a girl with monthly battery bill the size of Australia, a girl who used to be a boy, a girl with a terminal illness etc.

The answer is; whatever rocks your (and her/his) boat mate ;) If you and the other party begin to like each other, feel a consistent pull towards each other, you will, at some point, get it out of your system anyways - so why bother with technicalities?

Cheerio!

Yeah, I get it. That's a really good post. I can't sig it, but I'll keep it on hand.

Other than my own, no. :tongue:

Wow, that's gotta suck.

Yeah, I get it. That's a really good post. I can't sig it, but I'll keep it on hand.
Thanks, that's high praise.
Wow, that's gotta suck.Well, it is not my place to say such things actually since I'm not an expert on social-psychological aspects of coupling or a 70 year old with more than 3k relationships of various types under my belt but I think I have done this a couple of times at least.

When you get bored with the relationship/the SO/some aspect of either or when the "dare lock" is engaged (:P - this would be "who will be the first to suggest to end the relationship we've been advertising as the best there is" contest) you don't have much of a choice but force the relation to an end.

This is not a healthy thing to do, mind you, but putting yourself on the line of fire and taking one for the team (you and your genitals) usually results in a clean cut, no turning back kind of exit.

Heh.

Cheerio!

You seem to be mixing up your terms. Being a third wheel doesn't involve any relationship destruction, just a lot of awkwardness sometimes. It just means that you're a tag-along with a couple you're friends with. I've been a third wheel for a year now, as my two best friends in college are a couple.

I agree on the meaning of the term.

I'm always the third wheel in "relationships" nowdays. I like couples, they aren't sexually needy (and when they are, this wheel falls off) but I like the atmosphere of intimacy. It's kinda like ... family?

===============

As to deliberately breaking up a relationship -- no. If their relationship is young and fragile, I'm very careful even if I think it's a bad idea. Old and stable relationships, however, benefit from a bit of interference ... there is such a thing as "too committed."

And I too applaud Bornova's posts. The "cheerio" disclaimer isn't necessary, the posts stand on their own merits.

Well, it is not my place to say such things actually since I'm not an expert on social-psychological aspects of coupling or a 70 year old with more than 3k relationships of various types under my belt but I think I have done this a couple of times at least.

When you get bored with the relationship/the Significant Other/some aspect of either or when the "dare lock" is engaged (:P - this would be "who will be the first to suggest to end the relationship we've been advertising as the best there is" contest) you don't have much of a choice but force the relation to an end.

I'd put that more like "getting it out into the open" than "forcing a decision."

It's really sad when two people each know it's over but can't bear to say it.

This is not a healthy thing to do, mind you, but putting yourself on the line of fire and taking one for the team (you and your genitals) usually results in a clean cut, no turning back kind of exit.

Or ... they both hate you at the time, then they talk about it.

A good exit is still being friends. Neither blaming the other. But you'd have to know them both quite well to be sure you were "taking one for the team" ...?

I've been the anti-third wheel, does that count? About a decade or so ago, a girl I knew was interested in both Atma and his best netfriend. I felt she'd be happier wiht the friend, and told them so. Right now, they're happily engaged.

Because it takes two to tango.

Right, but why is it my problem? If I don't know you in any way I really don't have an obligation to respect your wishes. Your gf on the other hand does. If she chooses to betray your trust then you should take it up with her. Now if we've been freinds for the past 5 years and I did it anyway, then I expect a fight. It is not my problem that your gf can't be faithful to you. If it weren't me Fing her it would be someone else. The problem lies within your relationship as we don't have any.

I'd put that more like "getting it out into the open" than "forcing a decision."

It's really sad when two people each know it's over but can't bear to say it.



Or ... they both hate you at the time, then they talk about it.

A good exit is still being friends. Neither blaming the other. But you'd have to know them both quite well to be sure you were "taking one for the team" ...?That whole post was about "destroying your own relationship" :) Had nothing to do with killing others' relationships.

Cheerio!

Thanks, that's high praise.
Well, it is not my place to say such things actually since I'm not an expert on social-psychological aspects of coupling or a 70 year old with more than 3k relationships of various types under my belt but I think I have done this a couple of times at least.

When you get bored with the relationship/the SO/some aspect of either or when the "dare lock" is engaged (:P - this would be "who will be the first to suggest to end the relationship we've been advertising as the best there is" contest) you don't have much of a choice but force the relation to an end.

This is not a healthy thing to do, mind you, but putting yourself on the line of fire and taking one for the team (you and your genitals) usually results in a clean cut, no turning back kind of exit.

Heh.

Cheerio!

True. And you're welcome.

I've been the anti-third wheel, does that count? About a decade or so ago, a girl I knew was interested in both Atma and his best netfriend. I felt she'd be happier wiht the friend, and told them so. Right now, they're happily engaged.

No. Not really. It shows that you're honestly a selfless person (I probably would've jumped for it and not thought about my friend) but it doesn't really count, because you didn't destroy or awkwardize any pre-existing relationships.

I wish I were as good as you. For me it's always the significant others' fault. If we're not friends and I F'd your gf, why are you mad at me? She is the one committed to you, I just wanted to work that arse.

Well, for me, it wasn't about sex... I managed to break up a couple who'd been going out for... almost three years just by talking to the girl a lot... I even gave both of them relationship advice, after she introduced me to her boyfriend. But then she fell for me. Good times. >.>

In general, it's too much stress/drama to have sex with a girl in a relationship for me to even consider attempting it. Well, that and that silly guilty feeling thing I get every once in a while. *shrug*

That whole post was about "destroying your own relationship" :) Had nothing to do with killing others' relationships.

Damn. And I did read the whole thread, so I should have got what you were replying to.

As a "third wheel" I get a bit too involved perhaps, and think like "I is we and we're all together"

Cheerio!

And "up yer bum" or whatever that means, to you too! :p

I'll expand on my last post a bit.

It's really important to me to consider the feelings of my my friends' partners. It's been a long time since I had a partner, but I clearly remember how much trouble "her friend but not mine" caused me.

Friendship and relationship can't really be measured against each other. "We were going to stay in and have a 'quiet evening' " tends to give way to "my mate has a problem with his computer, I'll just go sort it out."

It shouldn't really. A fella should be able to say "I'd much rather be having sex with my girlfriend than fucking around with Windows Vista" ... but words have power and what one delicately declines to put in words tends to lose out.

Right, but why is it my problem? If I don't know you in any way I really don't have an obligation to respect your wishes. Your gf on the other hand does. If she chooses to betray your trust then you should take it up with her. Now if we've been freinds for the past 5 years and I did it anyway, then I expect a fight. It is not my problem that your gf can't be faithful to you. If it weren't me Fing her it would be someone else. The problem lies within your relationship as we don't have any.

You seem to assume that I wouldn't be pissed at my ladyfriend as well. Just because I'd be more pissed at her doesn't mean I wouldn't still be pissed at you. There would be enough anger to go around.

I agree on the meaning of the term.

I'm always the third wheel in "relationships" nowdays. I like couples, they aren't sexually needy (and when they are, this wheel falls off) but I like the atmosphere of intimacy. It's kinda like ... family?
It is like family. And the trick to being a third wheel without too much awkwardness is to know when it's time to "fall off" as you say and leave the couple to themselves.

I'd put that more like "getting it out into the open" than "forcing a decision."

It's really sad when two people each know it's over but can't bear to say it.

My friend was in a relationship a whole year longer than he wanted to be. He was always hoping that the girl would break up with him, he was so unhappy. The rest of his friends kept trying to tell him that if he was that unhappy in it, he should break it off, but he had this sort of sense of honor in that he'd promised himself he wouldn't be the one to end the relationship. I don't know, it was complicated.

Well, that's why I got sort of confused. I was being the third wheel that never fell off.

My friend was in a relationship a whole year longer than he wanted to be. He was always hoping that the girl would break up with him, he was so unhappy. The rest of his friends kept trying to tell him that if he was that unhappy in it, he should break it off, but he had this sort of sense of honor in that he'd promised himself he wouldn't be the one to end the relationship. I don't know, it was complicated.That happens more often than you can imagine. That's the sort of thing I was referring to ;)

Still not saying this is a healthy thing to do by the way, a year in my life became too precious after my thirtieth to waste on such premises but waste I certainly did in my time...

Cheerio!