NationStates Jolt Archive

Sometimes when I'm in the store I see product labels or promotions that make me wonder what in the hell people were thinking. For instance, today I saw a drink mix where the come on started off "Flavors to hydrate". My very first thought was "I don't think flavors work like that . . .". Then there was something labeled as "The finest artisan pasteurized processed cheese" in the same case where they put the fancy cheeses.

So what's the weirdest thing you've seen your food say?

There are some laughably funny ones. I'm going to the store tomarrow, so I shall report my findings.

On the Peanuts jar.

"Caution: this product may contain Peanuts."

A friend of mine bought me some "fruit juice snacks" because she knows I like to "eat healthy", it's not that I like to, it's my body doesn't like the unhealthy... anyway I'm reading the ingredients to make sure there isn't any hidden badness that would cause me undue harm and down at the bottom in little print it says "contains no fruit juice". Nice.

On the Peanuts jar.

"Caution: this product may contain Peanuts."

You've never tried Peanut-free peanuts, have you?

I can't remember the name of the company or the product.

A packet of crisps (chips, to our American cousins) on which the name was underlined by a logo that read:

indent"more than" a "snack"[/indent]

The quotes are part of the logo, not my edit. English packaging laws are a lot tighter than American ones - I guess they didn't want to have to prove the more-ness, and didn't want to be called into question over which 'snacks' it might be 'more' than.

:)

I ate a snack bar today that advertised itself as "17% organic." WTF? there's another 83% that isn't, so the bar obviously wasn't truly 'organic' and I wonder why they felt the need to brag about that 17%.

A friend of mine bought me some "fruit juice snacks" because she knows I like to "eat healthy", it's not that I like to, it's my body doesn't like the unhealthy... anyway I'm reading the ingredients to make sure there isn't any hidden badness that would cause me undue harm and down at the bottom in little print it says "contains no fruit juice". Nice.

Haha, yeah. I've seen those. Makes more sense than 1% juice, at least. I'm not sure why you'd even bother adding 1% juice, and I know no one's ever been sold on the product by that 1%. :tongue:

My popcorn bags warn me "NEVER" to re-heat the unpopped kernels that are left over after the first round of popping. I can't understand why not, and no explanation is given. They taste fine to me. :confused:

You've never tried Peanut-free peanuts, have you?


...

Please tell me your joking.

...

Please tell me your joking.

Oh that's just the start. I will not rest until every last peanut is destroyed and the legume menace is crushed. Remember, it's them...or us...

In case you still haven't noticed, yes, I'm joking.

Haha, yeah. I've seen those. Makes more sense than 1% juice, at least. I'm not sure why you'd even bother adding 1% juice, and I know no one's ever been sold on the product by that 1%. :tongue:

My popcorn bags warn me "NEVER" to re-heat the unpopped kernels that are left over after the first round of popping. I can't understand why not, and no explanation is given. They taste fine to me. :confused:

But if they do add about 1% pear juice, they only need a small label in the back saying 1%, while having a huge label in the front saying

"CONTAIN REAL FRUIT JUICE".

and that is actually a very funny label in itself whenever it contains less than 10%.

The products that always give me a real WTF? moment are the ones that say things like:

"Made with real potato".

What. The. Fuck. is cheaper than potatoes? Woodshavings?

Seriously - where is the glory being gained out of 'real potatoes'?

The products that always give me a real WTF? moment are the ones that say things like:

"Made with real potato".

What. The. Fuck. is cheaper than potatoes? Woodshavings?

Seriously - where is the glory being gained out of 'real potatoes'?

I suppose they could mean "real" potatoes as opposed to dehydrate processed potato flakes like boxed mashed potatoes (which, I think, is what Pringles are made out of).

The products that always give me a real WTF? moment are the ones that say things like:

"Made with real potato".

What. The. Fuck. is cheaper than potatoes? Woodshavings?

Seriously - where is the glory being gained out of 'real potatoes'?

That would depend on where you are.

In many places rice or corn products are much cheaper than potato. Though that would only make sense if the label was in Mandarin, Spanish or some other language. I can not think of any major English speaking location where potatos are not cheap.

Here I had the pleasure of not buying 'Diet' water!

That would depend on where you are.

In many places rice or corn products are much cheaper than potato. Though that would only make sense if the label was in Mandarin, Spanish or some other language. I can not think of any major English speaking location where potatos are not cheap.

Here I had the pleasure of not buying 'Diet' water!

Georgia... and not the cool one. So... no, you'd have thought potatoes was about as basic as it got. Hell, it would probably cost you more to eat the dirt they grew in.

Diet water has some potential. I wonder what the requirement is... less fat than normal water? Less sugar? :)

Seriously - where is the glory being gained out of 'real potatoes'?

There was a pineapple juice in India that proudly declared:

Now with no natural ingredients!

Looked like fluorescent gunk, god knows what it tasted like.

There was a pineapple juice in India that proudly declared:

Now with no natural ingredients!

Looked like fluorescent gunk, god knows what it tasted like.

:D That's awesome! I want some.

I was quite disappointed when "Hello Kitty" drink, imported from Japan, tasted just like pop.

I once saw this drink that was flavored peach papaya and the ingredants list had neither peaches nor papayas on it.

When I were a lad, so... back in the... mid to late 80s, maybe? I remember finding both "Hedgehog Flavour" crisps (again, chips, to our American brethren), and "Smurf" ice-cream.

I have no idea how much of either ingredient was actually in each product... but I have my suspicions it was minimal. :)

I always love the allergy warning labels for morons, like the aforementioned peanuts which contain peanuts. I've also seen milk which contains milk and shredded wheat (made with 100% wheat!) which contains wheat.

I have a book at home with a lot of wired signs and food items from around the world.

One shows a picture of some sort of food, which I think was messed up in translation and is meant to say "Soft Fried Crab

What the sign over the food actually said was Soft Fried Crap

I always love the allergy warning labels for morons, like the aforementioned peanuts which contain peanuts. I've also seen milk which contains milk and shredded wheat (made with 100% wheat!) which contains wheat.

It's an unintended side effect of food labeling laws. Just recently (2006) my lobby was able to get the wheat law passed. The purpose was to make companies declare wheat in things that are ambiguous, like modified food starch which can be wheat, rice, or corn. There previously was no way to know if it was wheat or not without calling the company each and every time I bought it. Now it still says "modified food starch" but after it will say (wheat) if it's wheat. Then at the end it will say "Contains:Wheat" which really cuts down on my shopping time since there are literally 8049 different ingredients which might be hiding wheat.

I don't expect Wheat thins to be wheat free, but since the law is passed even things like Wheat Thins have to say "contains: wheat"

:D That's awesome! I want some.

I was quite disappointed when "Hello Kitty" drink, imported from Japan, tasted just like pop.

What were you expecting it to taste like? Pussy?

:tongue:

It's an unintended side effect of food labeling laws. Just recently (2006) my lobby was able to get the wheat law passed. The purpose was to make companies declare wheat in things that are ambiguous, like modified food starch which can be wheat, rice, or corn. There previously was no way to know if it was wheat or not without calling the company each and every time I bought it. Now it still says "modified food starch" but after it will say (wheat) if it's wheat. Then at the end it will say "Contains:Wheat" which really cuts down on my shopping time since there are literally 8049 different ingredients which might be hiding wheat.

I don't expect Wheat thins to be wheat free, but since the law is passed even things like Wheat Thins have to say "contains: wheat"

Oh, I figured as much. It's still funny to see a box labeled: "Shredded Wheat - Made with 100% Wheat! (Warning: Contains Wheat.)" :tongue:

"Not intended for human consumption."

Haha, shows what they know.

...
You've never tried Peanut-free peanuts, have you?

Please tell me your joking.

Well, Smunkey had the fruit juice-free fruit juice snack...

When I were a lad, so... back in the... mid to late 80s, maybe? I remember finding both "Hedgehog Flavour" crisps (again, chips, to our American brethren), and "Smurf" ice-cream.

I have no idea how much of either ingredient was actually in each product... but I have my suspicions it was minimal. :)

I have it on good authority there's no hamster in this hamster curry...

http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/cheerful-hamster.jpg

(The Japanese says: "Hamumondo Karee: Ringo to hamustaa no aji aru kyuto na karee" or "Hammond Curry: Apple and hamster flavored cute curry".)

I have it on good authority there's no hamster in this hamster curry...

http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/cheerful-hamster.jpg

(The Japanese says: "Hamumondo Karee: Ringo to hamustaa no aji aru kyuto na karee" or "Hammond Curry: Apple and hamster flavored cute curry".)

I'm almost disappointed. I was thinking of broadening my horizons, there....

I have it on good authority there's no hamster in this hamster curry...

http://www.engrish.com/image/engrish/cheerful-hamster.jpg

(The Japanese says: "Hamumondo Karee: Ringo to hamustaa no aji aru kyuto na karee" or "Hammond Curry: Apple and hamster flavored cute curry".)

I think I like the fact that the curry is "cute" best of all. Hehehe.

I think I like the fact that the curry is "cute" best of all. Hehehe.

And that's without real hamster.

(Allegedly).

The products that always give me a real WTF? moment are the ones that say things like:

"Made with real potato".

What. The. Fuck. is cheaper than potatoes? Woodshavings?

Seriously - where is the glory being gained out of 'real potatoes'?

In Beijing many of the street vendors make their pork buns out of boiled cardboard. I guess there's always something cheaper.

Something that makes me go WTF is the fact that Minute Maid lemonade has no lemon juice in it, but diet Minute Maid lemonade does... because actual lemon juice has fewer calories than the artificial crap, I guess?

In Beijing many of the street vendors make their pork buns out of boiled cardboard. I guess there's always something cheaper.

Well, Mom always did say that the box was more nutritious than the Lucky Charms it contained....

I've never quite gotten light, as in sugar free, energy drinks.

A friend of mine bought me some "fruit juice snacks" because she knows I like to "eat healthy", it's not that I like to, it's my body doesn't like the unhealthy... anyway I'm reading the ingredients to make sure there isn't any hidden badness that would cause me undue harm and down at the bottom in little print it says "contains no fruit juice". Nice.

whenever a food product is "something-something flavoured" it raises my suspicions. like "it doesn't actually contain any of the stuff its supposed to taste like, but we made it taste like that with cheaper stuff" :rolleyes:

your juice could have been labelled 'fruit juice flavoured snack drinks'... would have certainly made me look at the ingredients too ;)



my favourite, of course, is when - a few years back - McDonald's started advertising their chicken nuggets were "now made with 100% chicken".... what the FUCK were they before?! :tongue:

I once saw this drink that was flavored peach papaya and the ingredants list had neither peaches nor papayas on it.

Also interesting: chicken-taste ramen which is perfectly edible for vegetarians.

What is it with the "may contain traces of nuts" - is it so that if you have an allergy you can play a kind of food Russian roulette?

if you read the ingredients on strawberry flavored milk, you will notice that it contains no strawberries.

It does, however, contain beets.

Meh...still tastes like pink heroin to me. :tongue:

my favourite, of course, is when - a few years back - McDonald's started advertising their chicken nuggets were "now made with 100% chicken".... what the FUCK were they before?! :tongue:

Recycled McDonalds employees. Why else do you think that there are always jobs available at McDonalds?

Georgia... and not the cool one. So... no, you'd have thought potatoes was about as basic as it got. Hell, it would probably cost you more to eat the dirt they grew in.

Diet water has some potential. I wonder what the requirement is... less fat than normal water? Less sugar? :)

What about condensed water? Seems like a good way to save space. Just pour it in a pitcher and add a can of water to reconstitute it. You can't even tell the difference. :)

What is it with the "may contain traces of nuts" - is it so that if you have an allergy you can play a kind of food Russian roulette?

:tongue:

It's there because the product might not have any nut ingredients but the factory might process nuts. If you just read the ingredients and didn't know that you might think it was safe, but it's not. That being said any time someone with an allergy eats anything processed they are playing Russian roulette.

Edit:
This message has been deleted by Kyronea. Reason: Smunkee is smarter than me.
:D ....If only we could convince everyone of this same truth, deleted posts all over NSG and no more debate for me! (well, that's not a great thing....hmm)

My popcorn bags warn me "NEVER" to re-heat the unpopped kernels that are left over after the first round of popping. I can't understand why not, and no explanation is given. They taste fine to me. :confused:
You're going to jail, along with the mattress tag removers.