NationStates Jolt Archive

So today my mother basically disowned me saying I wasn't her son. The reason? I'm leaving my job for two reasons:

1) It doesn't make financial sense to keep it as I would be more in travel expenses to get there than I would be earning when I move out.

2) I just don't enjoy it anymore.


I told my mum today I was handing in my notice and the first thing she said was that I was no longer her son, then saying she would phone my supervisor to say I was lying about leaving. I've had the biggest argument with her and I'm still shaking from rage and sadness.

So I come to NSG, to strangers, for advice and your own stories of disowning/being disowned and how you dealt with it. I'm at a complete loss..

I'm really sorry to hear that, man... It seems bizarre for someone to say that over something as relatively minor as quitting a job. (Professing to hate Battlestar Galactica... that I could understand disowning someone over... but quitting a job? No way.)

I haven't had the experience, but I'll keep you in my prayers.

I'm really sorry to hear that, man... It seems bizarre for someone to say that over something as relatively minor as quitting a job. (Professing to hate Battlestar Galactica... that I could understand disowning someone over... but quitting a job? No way.)

I haven't had the experience, but I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thanks, that means a lot. I don't understand why she reacted this way. She knows I would be losing money by keeping this job. I've told her I've been searching for something closer to my new home and I thought she was understanding. When I called my supervisor today, she just went insane...

Yep sorry to hear that also, it seems harsh, how old are you Londim?

My relationship with my parents is a strange one, we can really take or leave each other.

I mean I love them and they love me, but if I don't see my dad for a while I feel no sense of loss,(shit he only calls me up when he has 'puter problems anyhoo) and I haven't even talked to my mum for two years.

Horses for courses I suppose.

What a stupid woman, you can do what you want.

Yep sorry to hear that also, it seems harsh, how old are you Londim?

My relationship with my parents is a strange one, we can really take or leave each other.

I mean I love them and they love me, but if I don't see my dad for a while I feel no sense of loss,(shit he only calls me up when he has 'puter problems anyhoo) and I haven't even talked to my mum for two years.

Horses for courses I suppose.

I'm 19. Me and my mother have never been close but I thought I could still talk to her. My dad is more understanding but he can only do so much. I kind of knew in a way that this day may be coming but I didn't know how much it would tear at me.

I don't think I'll be able to talk to my mum again and I doubt once I leave I'll keep contact with her. Its more my younger brother and sister I worry about now. The other problem is that her and I must live in the same home for another 6 weeks. I don't think things will run smoothly.

So I come to NSG, to strangers, for advice and your own stories of disowning/being disowned and how you dealt with it. I'm at a complete loss..

You "deal" with it by moving on with your life. You're better off in the end forging your own existence than caring about one someone else wishes to impose on you. You do not cave to their tantrums and demands, as they are in no position, moral or otherwise, to be making them.

My own story is simple enough: dreadful parents who did everything to undermine my happiness and my right to live my life the way I saw fit, I was having none of it, moved out at age 15 and haven't looked back since. Today I have great friends, a great job and a world of opportunities ahead of me such that my greatest "problem" at the moment is deciding which one to choose.

So, don't let people stand in your way. People who love you would never disown you, so those who do are not worthy of your concern. Sure, it hurts finding out that people you thought cared for you are such douches, but you have to recognise what it is you are mourning, that or them?

Well, every family is different, and we don't know what was the importance of this job for your mother, neither your common relationship until this day.

If you can, how old are you and what kind of relation do you have with your mother, usually ?
Is it only about this job, or other things are involved ?

What exactly is the power of this " disownage " ?
It is a matter of honor, or this is also about heritage and such things ?

I wish you to stand firm, a couple of years ago, I have been disowned half a dozen times by my parents, mainly about my choices of studies and girlfriends.
If this is important: here this kind of decision is strictly about emotion and honor, no way you can throw off your childrens legally ...

And now we have a good relationship.

So it can be fixed, after all, it's uncommon to hate your own flesh and blood.

Edit: you already answered to some, Londim, and my advice wouldn't be to cut everything immediatly.
Let the situation cool down, and see what happen and what do you feel.
Extrem methods are only left when every other option has failed.

could it be (just guessing here) that maybe she's not upset about the job, but more about you moving out? or something?

still sucks man :fluffle:

*runs in wearing apron smothered in cookie dough* I will be your mommy!

seriously though shes being irrational and you should just move on and put it down to her ovaries (though I would advice you find a new job first and then quit this one)

Well, every family is different, and we don't know what was the importance of this job for your mother, neither your common relationship until this day.

If you can, how old are you and what kind of relation do you have with your mother, usually ?
Is it only about this job, or other things are involved ?

What exactly is the power of this " disownage " ?
It is a matter of honor, or this is also about heritage and such things ?

I wish you to stand firm, a couple of years ago, I have been disowned half a dozen times by my parents, mainly about my choices of studies and girlfriends.
If this is important: here this kind of decision is strictly about emotion and honor, no way you can throw off your childrens legally ...

And now we have a good relationship.

So it can be fixed, after all, it's uncommon to hate your own flesh and blood.

Edit: you already answered to some, Londim, and my advice wouldn't be to cut everything immediatly.
Let the situation cool down, and see what happen and what do you feel.
Extrem methods are only left when every other option has failed.

could it be (just guessing here) that maybe she's not upset about the job, but more about you moving out? or something?

still sucks man :fluffle:


Well I lived away from my parents for a year and I'm only back with them for the summer. I'm moving out again in a few weeks time to continue my studies and forge my own way through. I just feel like she has been trying to control my life when I'm being independent. As I mentioned it doesn't make sense for me to keep this job as I'd lose more money than I was making.

keep in mind fass's advice.

leave the whole disowning thing on your mother. its her thing not yours. you did nothing to bring it on, you can do nothing to remove it.

sometimes when you have a huge fight like this something else is going on (with your mom). she may have been having a bad day; she may have had an unrelated disappointment; she may have had a fight with your dad or siblings; she may be having a health problem.

no way to know

but it may be that if your dad thinks that this disowning thing is over the top, he will put a stop to it. after all you are his son too. its not all up to your mother.

if you play it cool, it may well blow over.

if not, keep fass's advice in mind and plan to be a place of refuge for your siblings. they'll need it.

I will be keeping Fass's advice in mind. After all I'm waiting for her to apologise to me. I'm doing what I feel is right for myself in the long term both financially and emotionally.

As far as I know, you're an adult when you're 19 in Great Britain as well. Your mother seems to be a troubled individual, I would even go so far as to suspect the borderline syndrome. Her emotions seem to be a bit... grotesque. Her vile threat to disown you could be simply bluffing, by the way. Here in the Netherlands it's actually impossible to disown your children, our laws explicitly state that the belongings of the last parent to die go to their offspring. I wouldn't be surprised if the UK has similar laws.

That doesn't make it any less hurting, though. Good luck with the whole situation, Londim.

I will be keeping Fass's advice in mind. After all I'm waiting for her to apologise to me. I'm doing what I feel is right for myself in the long term both financially and emotionally.
and you are completely right to.

stay strong, this is your life.

I will be keeping Fass's advice in mind. After all I'm waiting for her to apologise to me. I'm doing what I feel is right for myself in the long term both financially and emotionally.


Yep. You're the one whose actually being rational. I often found it quite hard to realise that I was the one that was right. It means that in many ways, you really are on your own. C'est la vie.

As far as I know, you're an adult when you're 19 in Great Britain as well. Your mother seems to be a troubled individual, I would even go so far as to suspect the borderline syndrome. Her emotions seem to be a bit... grotesque. Her vile threat to disown you could be simply bluffing, by the way. Here in the Netherlands it's actually impossible to disown your children, our laws explicitly state that the belongings of the last parent to die go to their offspring. I wouldn't be surprised if the UK has similar laws.

That doesn't make it any less hurting, though. Good luck with the whole situation, Londim.

You can disown people.

You "deal" with it by moving on with your life. You're better off in the end forging your own existence than caring about one someone else wishes to impose on you. You do not cave to their tantrums and demands, as they are in no position, moral or otherwise, to be making them.

My own story is simple enough: dreadful parents who did everything to undermine my happiness and my right to live my life the way I saw fit, I was having none of it, moved out at age 15 and haven't looked back since. Today I have great friends, a great job and a world of opportunities ahead of me such that my greatest "problem" at the moment is deciding which one to choose.

So, don't let people stand in your way. People who love you would never disown you, so those who do are not worthy of your concern. Sure, it hurts finding out that people you thought cared for you are such douches, but you have to recognise what it is you are mourning, that or them?

Now thats good advice. Familes are strange things, and really the only thing I can add to what Fass said is time does in fact heal, you have my sympathy, but yep get out as fast as you can.

What on earth was so important about your job that disowning you is a suitable response for leaving it?

It is kind of over the top to disown one's child over their occupation choice. I used to criticise my mother over switching jobs so often, but I would never have considered it worth a confrontation over, and I have a pretty nasty temper.

Has your mother flipped like this before? If so, it's likely an anger management issue.

So today my mother basically disowned me saying I wasn't her son. The reason? I'm leaving my job for two reasons:

1) It doesn't make financial sense to keep it as I would be more in travel expenses to get there than I would be earning when I move out.

2) I just don't enjoy it anymore.
I have to say I'm surprised and appalled at the reason she disowned you. You know as we say it here, her reason was "masyadong mababaw" ("too shallow", if the idiom is translated literally). That's not to say that our family had our share of disownings. My aunt was disowned because she sneakily married a known gold-digger who showed no respect whatsoever to our family even until now. Now I wonder why adults behave that way, both for my aunt and for her mother and siblings. I just kid them saying that they will never have the moral superiority now to lecture children "not to fight".

If you don't mind me asking, what is this job we are talking about?

I'm 19. Me and my mother have never been close but I thought I could still talk to her. My dad is more understanding but he can only do so much. I kind of knew in a way that this day may be coming but I didn't know how much it would tear at me.
OMG I'm just about your age! Still, you have a long life ahead of you. Don't waste it by dwelling on this event. Explore. Have fun.

I don't think I'll be able to talk to my mum again and I doubt once I leave I'll keep contact with her. Its more my younger brother and sister I worry about now. The other problem is that her and I must live in the same home for another 6 weeks. I don't think things will run smoothly.
My advice for you is something like this: "Huwag magtanim ng sama ng loob sa iyong ina." (My mind is running in my native language right now. :D) Translated, stop or do not begin to accumulate hatred for your mother. If any one of you has a problem, it's her, not you. So while you are justified to be angry now because of what she said, IMHO it's not practical to nurture that hate and keep it growing into a mighty storm of seething anger ready to explode. Now, you begin to have a problem too. I know it's easier said than done, but as you can see, chronic anger and hatred can lead to poor health and well-being. :)

Just remember you can still forgive her even if she doesn't or won't. Then don't worry much about it. If you had forgiven her, then you're fine. The ball will be in her court.

Brutland and Norden

PS. Perhaps it might just be brought on by the seething rage that she said something like that. Cool down for both of you, let some time elapse, and then talk about it as calmly as possible. ;)

I have to say I'm surprised and appalled at the reason she disowned you. You know as we say it here, her reason was "masyadong mababaw" ("too shallow", if the idiom is translated literally). That's not to say that our famiyl had our share of disownings. My aunt was disowned because she sneakily married a known gold-digger who showed no respect whatsoever to our family until now. Now I wonder why adults behave that way, both for my aunt and for his mother and siblings. I just kid them saying that they will never have the moral superiority now to lecture children "not to fight".

If you don't mind me asking, what is this job we are talking about?


OMG I'm just about your age! Still, you have a long life ahead of you. Don't waste it by dwelling on this event. Explore. Have fun.


My advice for you is something like this: "Huwag magtanim ng sama ng loob sa iyong ina." (My mind is running in my native language right now. :D) Translated, stop or do not begin to accumulate hatred for your mother. If any one of you has a problem, it's her, not you. So while you are justified to be angry now because of what she said, IMHO it's not practical to nurture that hate and keep it growing into a mighty storm of seething anger ready to explode. Now, you begin to have a problem too. I know it's easier said than done, but as you can see, chronic anger and hatred can lead to poor health and well-being. :)

Just remember you can still forgive her even if she doesn't or won't. Then don't worry much about it. If you had forgiven her, then you're fine. The ball is in her court.

Brutland and Norden

PS. Perhaps it might just be brought on by the seething rage that she said something like that. Cool down for both of you, let some time elapse, and then talk about it as calmly as possible. ;)
very good advice.

I don't know your mother, but if that reaction was totally unforeseen and unlike her, I'd hope that it's temporary.

So today my mother basically disowned me saying I wasn't her son. The reason? I'm leaving my job for two reasons:

1) It doesn't make financial sense to keep it as I would be more in travel expenses to get there than I would be earning when I move out.

2) I just don't enjoy it anymore.


I told my mum today I was handing in my notice and the first thing she said was that I was no longer her son, then saying she would phone my supervisor to say I was lying about leaving. I've had the biggest argument with her and I'm still shaking from rage and sadness.

So I come to NSG, to strangers, for advice and your own stories of disowning/being disowned and how you dealt with it. I'm at a complete loss..


Your mother is selfishly trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants rather than what you want. Do not let her. Do what you want, if she wants to pitch a fit and whine and scream and threaten like a toddler, let her. It shouldn't affect your decisions at all.

Your mother is selfishly trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants rather than what you want. Do not let her. Do what you want, if she wants to pitch a fit and whine and scream and threaten like a toddler, let her. It shouldn't affect your decisions at all.

Hah put her on the naughty step.

Could it be she's upset about something and took it out on you?

Hah put her on the naughty step.

More or less it's correct. If she wants to act like a child, treat her like one.

"If you don't do what I say I'm gonna hold my breath until I turn blue and pass out!"
"Okay, mind the coffee table though, don't want to hit your head on the way to the floor"
"I hate you!"
"Good to know"
"You're so mean! You don't love me"
"That's untrue. Mean is so subjective anyway."
"AAAAAAHHHHHH"
"Wow! You can scream really loud!"
"I hate you!"
"You're repeating yourself"

As I mentioned it doesn't make sense for me to keep this job as I'd lose more money than I was making.

I'm curious... what is her argument for wanting you to keep it?

I'm curious... what is her argument for wanting you to keep it?
Haven't you read the rest of the posts? We don't need to see both sides before we condemn the woman. Parents are clearly out of touch with their children, never having had the experience of growing up. Their advice should only be heeded when it agrees with the intentions of their offspring.

Haven't you read the rest of the posts? We don't need to see both sides before we condemn the woman. Parents are clearly out of touch with their children, never having had the experience of growing up. Their advice should only be heeded when it agrees with the intentions of their offspring.

Well, no, not really.
Disowning someone over a job (no matter what the job may be) is infantile and silly. I expect a parent to behave in a more mature way than that (although I have to admit that my expectations are frequently disappointed).
Growing up doesn't always make people behave like grown-ups, unfortunately.

I was simply curious as to the background of the story. It doesn't sound as if it came out of the blue.

You "deal" with it by moving on with your life. You're better off in the end forging your own existence than caring about one someone else wishes to impose on you. You do not cave to their tantrums and demands, as they are in no position, moral or otherwise, to be making them.

My own story is simple enough: dreadful parents who did everything to undermine my happiness and my right to live my life the way I saw fit, I was having none of it, moved out at age 15 and haven't looked back since. Today I have great friends, a great job and a world of opportunities ahead of me such that my greatest "problem" at the moment is deciding which one to choose.

So, don't let people stand in your way. People who love you would never disown you, so those who do are not worthy of your concern. Sure, it hurts finding out that people you thought cared for you are such douches, but you have to recognise what it is you are mourning, that or them?

This man speaks the truth, my friend.

Haven't you read the rest of the posts? We don't need to see both sides before we condemn the woman. Parents are clearly out of touch with their children, never having had the experience of growing up. Their advice should only be heeded when it agrees with the intentions of their offspring.

I'm condemning her on her reaction alone. Her reaction was immature and manipulative. That doesn't fly with me, ever.

I moved out at 15 because I was tired of that shit.

Haven't you read the rest of the posts? We don't need to see both sides before we condemn the woman. Parents are clearly out of touch with their children, never having had the experience of growing up. Their advice should only be heeded when it agrees with the intentions of their offspring.

That's the point. There was no advice. Just anger and lots of it. I've been back in the house for 7 weeks now and our relationship has just gone from bad to worse for no particular reason I don't what I've done wrong to get this reaction. Even my manager, who is always in desperate need of staff, said it makes no sense to keep the job. Its not like I haven't told my mum that I'm considering leaving the job and then actually hand my notice in. She seems to think that I'm just leaving this job and have no intention of getting another.

If she's calmed down tomorrow then I'll speak to her, if not then whatever. I'm tired of all of this.

If you had said, "Mom, I'm a serial rapist and child molester" I might be able to understand her reaction. But for leaving your job? I might have talked to you about economic recessions and the difficulty of finding a new one and the advisability of having another job at hand before leaving the one you have. Unfortunately, there are mother's (and father's) like that.

Since Fass is on my ignore list, I don't know what he advised, but my take on it is, even though she's the parent and the responsibility for keeping the lines of communication open is really hers, don't shut her out, leave an opening so that she can approach you and still save face. In the meantime, do what's best for you.

For the record, my father disowned me shortly after my daughter was born. He said it was because I didn't send him (and his current wife) a birth announcement, I just informed him over the phone. I hadn't sent my mother a birth announcement either. She was delighted, he was pissed. Fortunately, I (in spite of my husband, whe wanted to shut my father out of everything) kept lines of communication open and was able to reconcile with him before he died.

That's the point. There was no advice. Just anger and lots of it. I've been back in the house for 7 weeks now and our relationship has just gone from bad to worse for no particular reason I don't what I've done wrong to get this reaction. Even my manager, who is always in desperate need of staff, said it makes no sense to keep the job. Its not like I haven't told my mum that I'm considering leaving the job and then actually hand my notice in. She seems to think that I'm just leaving this job and have no intention of getting another.

If she's calmed down tomorrow then I'll speak to her, if not then whatever. I'm tired of all of this.

its very hard to have your kid back in the house after being away for the school year. he has changed. he's used to making all his own decisions, his own hours, his own life. he's not a kid anymore but he's living in the house as if he is still your baby.

its a situation made for strife.

everyone goes through it to some extent. it seems that your mom didnt know that this was going to happen. maybe her friends havent gone through it yet. at least it has never happened to HER before. (it will be much easier when your siblings do it)

go get a job or go get a bunch of interviews/applications. let her know that you are a responsible adult who is taking care of business.

then stay out of her hair as much as possible and be respectful while you are around her. the dissonance --this man/my baby--is making her a little crazy. if there are certain rules that you havent bothered to follow since being home that seem particularly important to her, FOLLOW THEM. pick up after yourself, do some chores that you dont usually do, help out with the siblings if you can, dont play that damned music so loud! maybe ask her advice on little things--does this shirt look good with these pants-- now and then (after things have settled down)

its very hard to have your kid back in the house after being away for the school year. he has changed. he's used to making all his own decisions, his own hours, his own life. he's not a kid anymore but he's living in the house as if he is still your baby.

its a situation made for strife.

everyone goes through it to some extent. it seems that your mom didnt know that this was going to happen. maybe her friends havent gone through it yet. at least it has never happened to HER before. (it will be much easier when your siblings do it)

go get a job or go get a bunch of interviews/applications. let her know that you are a responsible adult who is taking care of business.

then stay out of her hair as much as possible and be respectful while you are around her. the dissonance --this man/my baby--is making her a little crazy. if there are certain rules that you havent bothered to follow since being home that seem particularly important to her, FOLLOW THEM. pick up after yourself, do some chores that you dont usually do, help out with the siblings if you can, dont play that damned music so loud! maybe ask her advice on little things--does this shirt look good with these pants-- now and then (after things have settled down)

I do as much as I can to help out. I picked up and took my little sister to school, I've look aftered my siblings when both my parents are at work, I've called off meeting friends (including tonight when its my friends 19th birthday) to make sure my brother and sister stay safe. I clean the house, I iron clothes, I wash up. I do anything I can to make sure the house is tidy and make sure my brother and sister aren't going hungry. Still I'm being told I don't do anything and I'm still portrayed as the bad guy. Yes there are places that I could improve myself but that's just like everyone else.

As I said she's at work so I'll speak to her tomorrow when I finish work.

I do as much as I can to help out. I picked up and took my little sister to school, I've look aftered my siblings when both my parents are at work, I've called off meeting friends (including tonight when its my friends 19th birthday) to make sure my brother and sister stay safe. I clean the house, I iron clothes, I wash up. I do anything I can to make sure the house is tidy and make sure my brother and sister aren't going hungry. Still I'm being told I don't do anything and I'm still portrayed as the bad guy. Yes there are places that I could improve myself but that's just like everyone else.

As I said she's at work so I'll speak to her tomorrow when I finish work.

That sounds eerily similar to how my dad is. I'm going to give you my brutally honest opinion on the matter.



Leave. Cut off communication completely. Live your own life and forget about that bullshit.

I do as much as I can to help out. I picked up and took my little sister to school, I've look aftered my siblings when both my parents are at work, I've called off meeting friends (including tonight when its my friends 19th birthday) to make sure my brother and sister stay safe. I clean the house, I iron clothes, I wash up. I do anything I can to make sure the house is tidy and make sure my brother and sister aren't going hungry. Still I'm being told I don't do anything and I'm still portrayed as the bad guy. Yes there are places that I could improve myself but that's just like everyone else.

As I said she's at work so I'll speak to her tomorrow when I finish work.

thats good.

all you can do is what you can do. if you get through this ok (and you probably will) you can make a different plan for next summer. in a few years, after your siblings have all gone off to college and she goes through the same thing with them and after all her friends have gong through it, she will realize that you werent the terrible son she imagines you to be. youll be a professional <whatever> and she will brag about you to her friends and coworkers.

Damn. When I disowned my brother, I at least had a bloody good reason.

That's the point. There was no advice. Just anger and lots of it. I've been back in the house for 7 weeks now and our relationship has just gone from bad to worse for no particular reason I don't what I've done wrong to get this reaction. Even my manager, who is always in desperate need of staff, said it makes no sense to keep the job. Its not like I haven't told my mum that I'm considering leaving the job and then actually hand my notice in. She seems to think that I'm just leaving this job and have no intention of getting another.

If she's calmed down tomorrow then I'll speak to her, if not then whatever. I'm tired of all of this.
I apologize if it looks like I'm taking this lightly. I'm not. I remember some real stinging arguments with both my parents and again with a couple of our kids. Disapproval can escalate into irrationality pretty quickly and, depending on the personalities involved, irrationality can lead to some very hurtful actions from any of the parties involved.

You've seen some of the folks post that they left home and never spoke with their parents again after one of these episodes. That shouldn't be the way to end a relationship with someone who's invested quite a bit of emotion, time, and money into raising a child. Sometimes, one has to eat a few words to get everyone back in the problem-solving mode again.

Good luck and best wishes.

So today my mother basically disowned me saying I wasn't her son. The reason? I'm leaving my job for two reasons:

1) It doesn't make financial sense to keep it as I would be more in travel expenses to get there than I would be earning when I move out.

2) I just don't enjoy it anymore.


I told my mum today I was handing in my notice and the first thing she said was that I was no longer her son, then saying she would phone my supervisor to say I was lying about leaving. I've had the biggest argument with her and I'm still shaking from rage and sadness.

So I come to NSG, to strangers, for advice and your own stories of disowning/being disowned and how you dealt with it. I'm at a complete loss..

I would say that, beyond what Fass has said, you need to 1) remove from your mother anything that gives her power over you, and 2) watch her very carefully. Allow me to elaborate.

Sometimes, people do incredibly stupid things, and after a while, they realize that they've done an incredibly stupid thing and they do their best to make up for it. While you'd like to be around people who never do stupid things at all, this sort of person is at core decent, just given to, shall we say, foolishness. Then of course, there's the kind of person who after committing a ridiculously harmful and foolish action buries all doubt and convinces him or herself that he must be right. This is a profoundly dangerous kind of person, because they combine the recklessness of the foolish person above, but they also lack the decency required (better put, they remove their sense of decency to avoid feeling guilty, even when they ought to feel guilt) to work with other human beings.

When I say that you need to watch your mother very carefully, I mean that you need to figure out whether or not she's a decent foolish type or the recklessly undecent kind of person, and you have to remove any personal feelings from the equation, however hard that might be. The reason why you need to do this is because it dictates how you're going to spend the rest of your life dealing with her. If she's fundamentally decent, then you need to protect yourself from her doing anything foolish to you again; no one deserves to be disowned for something so trivial, but you also need to work with her within those bounds: it's okay to have a relationship with her, and if she tries (however awkwardly) to make amends, you need to be willing to forgive and to reach out to her and help her get over her guilt about the whole affair.

By contrast, if she's reckless and spiteful, if she doesn't even recognize that what she did was wrong and she never will, then you need to remove her from your life completely; you simply cannot trust her to make any move around you that will not be motivated by spite and cruelty. These are the most difficult types to deal with, because it's incredibly hard to excise someone as important as your mother from your life. But you have to do it, or you'll be spending the rest of your life feeling just like you did when you got disowned, and no one deserves that fate.

Edit: I'd add that for the time being, you need to get out of the house and let things simmer down. It might be that your presence is just salting a raw wound on your mother's part, and once you leave she'll cool down enough to realize what an ass she's made of herself. But you need to be prepared for either eventuality; she may be the kind of person for whom no time and no distance will make her more reasonable towards you. In any case, I'm sorry you had to go through with that. No child should have to suffer needlessly from their parent like that, but you did, so it's up to you to act as honorably as the situation allows. Just because she's an ass doesn't mean you have to live to her standards.

Have Smunkee adopt you. She'd be a far better mom.

My grandmother told me when I was in junior high or high school that if I brought around an Asian guy I'd be disowned (most of my school was Asian).

Not only did I date an Asian guy, I also dated a Jewish guy and a black/Mexican/Native guy from West Oakland (and a Catholic girl, and an Asian girl, but my grandmother doesn't know that). She never did disown me, she just made light racist remarks when I was around.

seriously though shes being irrational and you should just move on and put it down to her ovaries

One of my best friends was disowned by her mom, along with two of her three older sisters. She flipped out on them constantly--once she told my friend she wished she'd never been born because my friend was on the phone with her boyfriend past her 15 minute time limit.

It is kind of over the top to disown one's child over their occupation choice. I used to criticise my mother over switching jobs so often, but I would never have considered it worth a confrontation over, and I have a pretty nasty temper.

Not nearly as bad as being disowned because your wife isn't the right color and you had the audacity to actually reproduce...


To Londim: I really don't have any advice to add - just listen to Fass...

So today my mother basically disowned me saying I wasn't her son. The reason? I'm leaving my job for two reasons:

1) It doesn't make financial sense to keep it as I would be more in travel expenses to get there than I would be earning when I move out.

2) I just don't enjoy it anymore.


I told my mum today I was handing in my notice and the first thing she said was that I was no longer her son, then saying she would phone my supervisor to say I was lying about leaving. I've had the biggest argument with her and I'm still shaking from rage and sadness.

So I come to NSG, to strangers, for advice and your own stories of disowning/being disowned and how you dealt with it. I'm at a complete loss..
My sympathies. I have nothing to compare to something like that.:( I'll keep you in my prayers.

Not nearly as bad as being disowned because your wife isn't the right color and you had the audacity to actually reproduce...


thats when you know for sure that your parents are crazy. anyone who can reject a grandchild is nutz.

thats when you know for sure that your parents are crazy. anyone who can reject a grandchild is nutz.

Indeed, although me and my brother have known that our father is racist pig for many years now...

Indeed, although me and my brother have known that our father is racist pig for many years now...

many a racist pig has been converted by a beautiful newborn grandchild.

I'm sorry to hear that, bud. :(

The only thing I can say is move on with your life when you can.

many a racist pig has been converted by a beautiful newborn grandchild.

True, and maybe if/when he sees his grandchild he'll change his mind...
The disowning was of my brother and his wife hasn't delivered (she's 3 months pregnant).

I seriously doubt that he will though, this is a man who got into an argument with his sister (over what I have know idea) and didn't speak to her for over 30 years...

True, and maybe if/when he sees his grandchild he'll change his mind...
The disowning was of my brother and his wife hasn't delivered (she's 3 months pregnant).

I seriously doubt that he will though, this is a man who got into an argument with his sister (over what I have know idea) and didn't speak to her for over 30 years...

so he disowned him as soon as he found out that his son's wife is pregnant?

jerk.

im not saying that he will change his mind. i dont know him. im saying that if he doesnt, he is crazy.

If you had said, "Mom, I'm a serial rapist and child molester" I might be able to understand her reaction. But for leaving your job? I might have talked to you about economic recessions and the difficulty of finding a new one and the advisability of having another job at hand before leaving the one you have.

Even when, as repeatedly stated, it is literally COSTING him money to keep working there? From the sounds of it he's spending more money to get to his job than he's making working there.

so he disowned him as soon as he found out that his son's wife is pregnant?

jerk.

im not saying that he will change his mind. i dont know him. im saying that if he doesnt, he is crazy.

Yup, my brother emailed him asking our father if he wanted to be listed in the registry as the child's grandfather (where my brother is living apparently there is limited space for the listing of 'official' family members) and he figured that he should get our father's permission before listing him considering his rampant racism...

Even when, as repeatedly stated, it is literally COSTING him money to keep working there? From the sounds of it he's spending more money to get to his job than he's making working there.

Did you read my entire post? I never once said that he should not quit, just that he should take everything into consideration, before he did. You will not that I said, in the final analysis, that he should do what's best for him. My own son did quit a job he found wasn't suitable. I had that very talk with him, but, in the end, I supported his decision.

I will be keeping Fass's advice in mind. After all I'm waiting for her to apologise to me. I'm doing what I feel is right for myself in the long term both financially and emotionally.

Stop waiting for the apology. It may come, it may not.

Yes, she may wake up one day and have proper feelings for you, on the other hand she may not. It's not worth getting tied up in a knot over.

You're young and the world is ahead of you. Have fun making your life your own.

Well we talked, sorted some problems out. I'm still leaving my job but at least the problems about that have faded.

Well we talked, sorted some problems out. I'm still leaving my job but at least the problems about that have faded.

Whoa. Really?

Well not completely, there's still some friction. I handed my notice in today and she knew she couldn't stop me doing it. There are other things to go over but its a start.

A start's better than nothing, that's for sure.

Its good to hear that you and your mum are slowly sorting things out. I don't think my parents could ever disown me. Or even say that in an argument. I've been very lucky, and don't know how I could handle it.

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind badger.


Hope it works out for you!

So today my mother basically disowned me saying I wasn't her son. The reason? I'm leaving my job for two reasons:

1) It doesn't make financial sense to keep it as I would be more in travel expenses to get there than I would be earning when I move out.

2) I just don't enjoy it anymore.


I told my mum today I was handing in my notice and the first thing she said was that I was no longer her son, then saying she would phone my supervisor to say I was lying about leaving. I've had the biggest argument with her and I'm still shaking from rage and sadness.

So I come to NSG, to strangers, for advice and your own stories of disowning/being disowned and how you dealt with it. I'm at a complete loss..
It's a pity she's not more supportive of you. How old are you?

Well I lived away from my parents for a year and I'm only back with them for the summer. I'm moving out again in a few weeks time to continue my studies and forge my own way through. I just feel like she has been trying to control my life when I'm being independent. As I mentioned it doesn't make sense for me to keep this job as I'd lose more money than I was making.

Yes... parent often do desperately try to find SOME way to keep the leash/apron strings on you, even when you're out and about on your own.

When I was choosing colors for my new place, my mom pointed at a different color than the one I chose for my kitchen and said, "I like THAT one better."

My answer, "It's pretty... you can paint your kitchen that color. I like THIS one."

It's a pity she's not more supportive of you. How old are you?

He/She/It is 19

Could it be she's upset about something and took it out on you?

Maybe she's worried about having quit before finding a new job?