NationStates Jolt Archive

Having watched a fair bit of anime last week, I have begun to compile the things learned from watching anime, into the following list:

-If you die, there will be a LOT of blood

-It is easy to hold a two handed sword in one hand

-You will have FREAKISHLY huge eyes

-If in a kids anime, you will have almost no boobs at all. If in an adult anime, you won't be able to see your legs past your boobs

-Cursed underwear should be avoided at ALL costs

-Avoid people who have tentacles comming out of them-it won't end well, trust me.

-If you are the lead character, you will usually be wearing a long robe or red trenchcoat

-If you are the villain you will usually either be wearing a perfect cut suit or you will be a Pig-monster

I have more, but I wanna open the doors to you folks too. Fire away!

Ok i'll add more...

-You will be able to jump REALLY high

-You can cut metal with your sword, which will usually be magical

-You will likely encounter or turn out to be a robot

-Said robots will be destroyed in dramatic style, showing off their innards like a human body

-You will always have a cliched love interest

-You may die saving the day

-You will close your eyes whenever saying somthing clever

- A small change in looks will drastically increase your strength.
- Even though you do not even feel the massive bolts of energy your enemy throws at you, and being slammed through a mountain does little aside from destroying your hairstyle - lava still hurts like hell.

- Whenever you jump, or lunge at someone, or do anything remotely of interest, the rest of the world will mysteriously disappear to be replaced with random wooshing lines

-You will all look like you went crazy with the hair dye

-When sexually aroused, people (usually men, of course) will spray gallons of blood from their nose. Strangely enough this is never fatal.

Unnecessary exposition is the key to winning any battle.

Don't kiss Yoko (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/yokogif.gif).

Give the doll to Mion (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/Shion-stabby.gif)

Keep her (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/11448240771431cbza5.gif) entertained.

Oh, and drills are malleable (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/r7naj6.gif).

The more effort you put into yelling the name of the move you are about to perform, the more powerful it will be. Further, the more time you spend doing this, the less able your opponent will be to dodge.

-high school uniforms for boys are cool. For girls, they look like something out of an adult mail-order magazine.

-the bigger the boobs, the smaller the waist.

-animals, humans, demons ... in the sack, no one cares.

- Talking is a free action (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TalkingIsAFreeAction), no matter what's going on you can spout reams upon reams of exposition in the middle of any kind of battle no matter how intense.

no matter how huge your breasts they will never sag, never go out of round and you will always find tops that are big enough to cover them AND still fit your tiny waist.

No matter how tough you are or how kind she normally is, your older sister's battle aura WILL make you cower and wet yourself.

-Fat guys always tend to be stupid.

-Fighting with small furry creatures against each other for your amusement will not get you in trouble with the animal welfare society.

Watching anime has taught me:

-Anime sucks.

Watching anime has taught me:

-Anime sucks.

You are entitled to your opinion.

Watching anime has taught me:

-Anime sucks.

I agree with this post.

Well the only anime I watch is Hentai so all I can contribute to this thread is that all women in anime sound like schoolgirls and all schoolgirls act like women ;)

I agree with this post.

Ditto.

Anime is the result of the A-bomb.
If my Grandpa wasn't going to be in the first wave for the Invasion of Japan, I would be against it.

-Beware men in sunglasses. They will either be your ally, or try to kill you.

-Food should be shoved in whole. Your mouth will always enlarge to compensate.

That...

oh wait, that was hentai...

Watching anime has taught me:

-Anime sucks.
What... all of it?

An entire genre of art, made up of differing writing, art and thematic styles 'sucks'?

-Beware men in sunglasses. They will either be your ally, or try to kill you.

Indeed. (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/i1zm14.gif)

Indeed. (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/i1zm14.gif)

WTF...are swords meant to be symbolism for penis in anime?

What... all of it?

An entire genre of art, made up of differing writing, art and thematic styles 'sucks'?
Don't feel bad, i feel the same way about American comic books.:D
Indeed. (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/i1zm14.gif)
Actual, I'm inclined to agree with that. And not just in Anime...
http://www.movievillains.com/images/agentsmith.jpg
http://hillsidelending.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/pic_morpheus.jpg

-When you laugh your mouth will grow three sizes that day

-If you have huge eyebrows, you are a villain

WTF...are swords meant to be symbolism for penis in anime?

In that anime, it's actually drills.

In that anime, it's actually drills.

Drills, Swords whatever. The fact that he's pulling out a big long slender object just has my pervert filter going on overload.

-If you have huge eyebrows, you are a villain

Eh...? (http://www.agefive.com/FLCL/amarao-ep6.jpg)

Drills, Swords whatever. The fact that he's pulling out a big long slender object just has my pervert filter going on overload.

A later episode involves drills the size of a small galaxy. Compensating? No, just that awesome.

Eh...? (http://www.agefive.com/FLCL/amarao-ep6.jpg)

MOST of the time, anyway. :$

A later episode involves drills the size of a small galaxy. Compensating? No, just that awesome.

Ahh...sooooo easy....

no matter how huge your breasts they will never sag, never go out of round and you will always find tops that are big enough to cover them AND still fit your tiny waist.

Oh, how I wish this were true irl!!! *sighs*

If any of you know of companies that do this BTW, send me a telegram! Thanks!

MOST of the time, anyway. :$

Well, he wasn't exactly a good guy.

And anyways, the only other example I could of is that guy from Naruto. But Naruto sucks, so you know.

-The bad guy will tend to have a bigger sword that you, but you'll always win.

-If you have the bigger sword, there will be much blood.

~fevers are the worst ailment. If you catch one, you are to be treated as if you are dying.

(Goodness, I have to get my boss into anime!)

-You will usually have a cute little WTF?! thingy as a pet.

-Women in anime will cry over insignificant things.

Don't feel bad, i feel the same way about American comic books.
Strange... for me, that's like saying, "I don't like French movies" or "I don't like Scottish literature". A rather quizzical statement.

Sure, you may not like a particularly common trait of American comic books, you may not be interested in superhero stories for example (which is perfectly understandable), but the range of American comic books is massive, with hugely differing art and writing.

-Whatever you do, don't piss off the psychobitch.

-If a samurai grins at you, you're dead.

- certain parts of one's body can defy gravity

- Mecha can be piloted without specialized training. in fact, sometimes all the pilot needs is the manual on his/her lap.

- the most advanced mecha is always given to the new kid. the generic mecha is assigned to the veterans.

- all weapons are voiced activated.

- women, want to please your man? learn to cook.

- men, want to please your women, eat their cooking (no matter how awful it is.)

- the cuter/hansomer the person, the more powerful she/he is.

- beware the cute furry mascot... that would be the most powerful creature around.

- forget making new and better space crafts... find an old, sunken and rust eaten battleship and turn that into a spacecraft... it would be indestructable. (Yamato/Star Blazers)

- enemies would wait for your team to assemble their crafts into the ultimate fighting machine instead of attacking while they are assembling.

- the skimpier the armor, the more protection it gives.

- want to learn cool driving techniques... deliver tofu.

- Old people know stuff. Listen to them.

- people never knock when entering a bathroom.

- the longer it takes to shout out the attack, the more powerful it is. if you find yourself nodding off while the hero announces his attack... you'll never get far enough away from it.

- Swords pawn guns... all the time.

- Beware of anyone named Kitsune.

- Never underestimate Justy Ueki Tylor.

- If you learn that Kei and Yuri moved in your neighborhood... pack up and leave. if possible, leave the planet. (Dirty Pair)

- Aliens invading the planet will start by concentrating their forces on ONE city/country. and should that country have a weapon that can defeat them? they will still concentrate their forces on that one city/country.

- If the hero has a super weapon baised on the moon... then villians will attack only when the moon is in a position to assist the hero. (Gundam X)

- Keep Haruhi Suzuiyama entertained!

- Tokyo Tower is the ONLY landmark in Japan that can be destroyed.

- Fear C-Ko.

- Lipstick are women's ultimate weapon. (Phantom Quest Corps, Kiddy Grade, Catseye)

Scrawny nerdy college men will attract hordes of beautiful attractive women. XD

Little girls WILL kick your ass.

Little girls WILL kick your ass.

Too true.

That all the intelligent, competent males will be drawn like moths to flame, like lemmings to the sea to the one completely annoying, totally incompetent, airheaded, flaky female in the place. They will ignore, as if they had no intelligence whatsoever, all the cute, smart, sexy, competent women for Lin Minmei.

Too true.

Tee hee. (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/Rena-laugh.gif)

I like a good pic of a psychobitch.

I like a good pic of a psychobitch.

Then you would love my ex, Michelle.

In western society it's the norm to greet people with a french kiss. It's not weird at all that people who came back from an extended stay in the west usually only demonstrate this exotic custom with just one person.

It's perfectly normal for girls to give carefully prepared home-made food and extra movie tickets to boys they don't really know that well except from school/the workplace.

If the world's in danger, your best bet for saving it would be to be between the ages of 15-18. Having a crazy scientist/military officer as a relative or amnesia helps.

Then you would love my ex, Michelle.

ROFL!

Pic linky (http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f342/kapuraIII/Funny%20Pictures/MotPots/anime.jpg)

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/07/03/0319_anime/image/anime-mania-fumoffu-image.jpg

:eek:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AnimeTrope

An example of over-the-top manga goodness. (http://img219.imageshack.us/img219/9151/girlsxgunsinsanerf0.png)

Avoid anyhing marked "manga entertainment" beacause Canadian accents in feudal Japan are really really convincing, honest.

Avoid anyhing marked "manga entertainment" beacause Canadian accents in feudal Japan are really really convincing, honest.

Sub > Dub, always.

Sub > Dub, always.

Not true. The dub for ROD (OVA) is just as good as the sub. I actually like the English voice for Yomiko better, because she's not as shrill and annoying.

If you choreograph it, they will come (http://youtube.com/watch?v=2Ghd1SFF_W8).

Heh, Disturbingly, i'm listening to Nightwish - Ghost love while reading this... :D

Watching anime has taught me:

-Anime sucks.

I tend to agree--I'm a notorious anime hater, but frankly FMA is some of the best modern storytelling I've ever seen. Bebop was good but its general lack of a meta-plot left me dissatisfied (but the movie was excellent), and I'm watching Death Note right now and I think it's a cut below both but still watchable. Anime isn't any worse really than any other art form--I mean after all: I love music, but 99.999% of it is garbage. I wouldn't say I love anime, but it's not really any worse than anything else, as far as creative direction goes.

Oh, and as far as my contributions go to the Anime Lessons Learned:

--When fighting an adversary, he (and you) will take lengthy pauses to describe either


What his goons are doing at this moment
How his last move worked
or
How Absolutely Screwed (tm) one or both of you are


Also, 75% of women are hotties (even military chicks (http://i48.photobucket.com/albums/f222/ganjmahal/Characters/roark1.png))and events that happened centuries ago will rise to some kind of obscure or explicit prominence.

Well I geuss it depends somtimes if a lot of work has gone into a dub it can be good, but an awful lot of anime in the 80s and early 90s was dubbed by a bunch of American expats Canadians and the aoccasional Brit in a tiny Soho studio under harsh time constraints.

Melkor! It's been a while. Doubt you remember me though.

My memory is better than my gratuitous potsmoking might have you think ;)

My memory is better than my gratuitous potsmoking might have you think ;)

Heh. It's good to see some of the old team.

- The fate of the known world will most likely be determined by a fourteen year old that can't wipe his own butt.

- Run-on sentences are at their best in an epic silloquey at that suspenseful point where the fate of the universe hangs in the balance but it is really important for everyone to hear that the villain knows all about the hero's childhood because he grew up in the orphanage next door and is actually his brother and likes the color blue.

- The annoying guy is always the awesome dude that can thump everyone.

- The quiet girl is always able to open a can of phenomenal cosmic whoop-ass.

-When you laugh your mouth will grow three sizes that day

-If you have huge eyebrows, you are a villain

O'Rly? Amarao of FLCL disagrees (http://www.flictonic.net/amarao.jpg)

More hair = more power

Big Guns or alot of Guns, and Big Boobs

O'Rly? Amarao of FLCL disagrees (http://www.flictonic.net/amarao.jpg)

would they count as eyebrows? since they were more Nori stuck above his eyes...

here (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_of_FLCL)
Commander Amarao (アマラオ, Amarao?) works for the department of Interstellar Immigration. This agency, among other things, acts as a middle man for negotiations between the government and Medical Mechanica. Thus, Haruko is a big problem for them as she is bent on provoking an attack by disrupting communications. Amarao has fake eyebrows made of nori which he believes serve the dual purpose of protecting him from N.O. and making him look macho. Amarao seems to have had a past relationship with Haruko similar to Naota's.

-Villains will usually be giants, mutants, cyborgs, mechas, or demons. Often at least two of those descriptions apply to the same foe.

I take exception to the rule that swords always pwn guns - see TRIGUN.
http://www.animezen.net/gallery/images/Trigun/trigun33.jpg
trigun is the only anime series I've followed. Never really got Ghost in the Shell, Naruto, Yu-Gi-Oh, Dragonball Z or anything else.

*edit* \/this pic pwns all.\/
http://www.terminally-incoherent.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2006/11/calvin-trigun.jpg

From AMV Hell 3 I learned (http://youtube.com/watch?v=3aTgINExt2w&feature=related):

- Anime can be funnier in a 5 second clip than the entire series or movie would be

- If you are a girl under the age of twelve and are high on marijuana, don't ride your bike. (you have to see the clip to get the joke)

From FLCL (http://animerambler.files.wordpress.com/2006/07/flcl-poster.jpg) I learned:

- Getting hit by an electric, solid body guitar won't crack your skull open

- Zits turn into AI run Mecha

- All girls act as if they want you, but if you show any interest, they act offended.

- The bigger your eyebrows, the more manly you are.

From Noir (http://img212.imageshack.us/img212/7136/mireillebouquetme0.png) I learned:

- Assassins come in all shapes and sizes.

- It's the really cute blondes you have to watch out for.

- Even the anime that tries to be realistic in it's physics and human abilities will betray itself at some point.

From Rurouni Kenshin (http://static.playdo.com/1017/zaruku/tabimages/kenshin.jpg) I learned:

- If you kill a guy who is going to marry his childhood sweetheart and he happens to cut you, the cut will never heal and will bleed when you least expect it to.

- Preforming your signature move will result in blinding circles of light swirling all about you.

- if your wife is present during your fight with your arch-nemesis, don't swing your blade in anger.

- have a backwards bladed sword doesn't stop you from killing people.

From the .Hack (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.hack) series I learned:

- MMORPGs of the future are going to kick serious ass

- Your soul can be trapped inside a computer

- Computer viruses are sentient

From Hellsign (http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q80/werfli/hellsing-1.jpg) I learned

- Vampires have to unlock the 'seals' of their abilities

- Zombies are just vampire foot soldiers

- The more pissed a vampire gets, the bloodier you will die

- some anime can stay shocking true to the manga

- Some Vampires have a good likeness to that of Carmen Sandiago

From Ah! My Goddess! (http://www.cifiseries.com/wp-content/uploads/ah_my_goddess_tv_203_1024.jpg) I learned:

- Japanese settings and Norse mythology actually can make a good combination.

- Give angels as much alcohol as they want but never give them a Coke.

- Japanese men can never just come out an tell a woman that they love them.

- When a woman walks out of a mirror and tells you that she will grant you and wish you desire, think very carefully about what the consequences of your wish will be and don't just assume this is all one big joke.

- Japanese men have little to no sex drive (or way too much sex drive)

From Chobits (http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/3009/chobits.jpg) I learned:

- Japanese men are painfully shy (or lecherously sick)

- Personal computers will be walking and talking androids in the near future. (I'd buy one)

- Your landlady is never quite who she seems

- Beware hidden programming.

From Robotech (http://favoritetoons.com/robotech-5.jpg) I learned

- Americanize Anime of the 80's cut the hell out of the original superior Japanese storyline

- The woman that hates your guts (and you dislike yourself) you will end up married to.

- The Invid could have taken over Earth and killed all resistance if they really had wanted to.

- Aircraft Carriers are obviously built well enough to stand up to the stress that the vacuum of space and breathable air-pressure can create.

- even to this day, no one has yet describe dwhat protoculture truly looks like or physically is.

From Trigun (http://www.horace.org/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/trigun50.jpg) I learned:

- Insurance agents are cute and damn persistent.

- Full-sized crosses are actually storage containers for multiple guns, ammo and even a rocket launcher.

- Vash only acts like a fool to trick people.

- priests like a good gun fight.

From Cowboy Bebop (http://www.thebluecrow.com/images/Cowboy%20Bebop%2049.jpg) I learned:

- the dog you find and keep as a pet was the first bounty you could have turned in

- children are always the best computer hackers

- DON'T OPEN THE FRIDGE! That fuzzy stuff on food really can turn into a new sentient life form.

- When you are on a planet filled with men and only one woman, that woman will always turn out to be your ex-girlfriend...who wants to kill you.

- Sometimes the movies are better than the series.

From Me, My, Strawberry Eggs! (http://img213.imageshack.us/img213/3766/i20my20me20strawberry20lu4.jpg) I learned:

- Some anime artist in Japan had a serious hard-on for the movie "Tootsie" and to a lesser extent "Mrs. Doubtfire".

From Armitage III (http://www.lovefilm.com/lovefilm/images/products/7/22697-large.jpg) I learned:

- No one likes a robot that can get pregnant.

- The robot will always hook up with the cyborg

- Having wings isn't always a good thing.

From Grave of the Fireflies I learned:

- Some anime can actually choke you up

Giant robots piloted by pubescent teens will save us all.

Cat boy and girls are whores and good for sex.

Ryuuguu Rena wants to take everything cute home.

Furude Rika pwns.

Long legs and big boobs will get you the guy.

Sonozaki Shion will kill you.

The higher your voice is, the more sexy you are.

The human body holds dozens of gallons of pressurized blood that can be lost before you feel light-headed.

Never leave an opponent on the brink of death. Invariably, it will awaken whatever latent ass-kicking powers he has and lead to your brutal-but-flashy defeat.

If you ever plan to conquer the world/galaxy, kill everyone between the age of 14-18. Trust me, they're more of a threat to you than the combined military might of your enemies.

Ryuuguu Rena wants to take everything cute home.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v450/RhynoD/takenhomeaj8.png

The only thing more feminine than the women are the men. :p

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. * Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a "Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the "Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.
*Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows, or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later, your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s) to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff< So True!!)

*#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter). Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws 44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys" witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave Phenomenon")

*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters (usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

+#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

+#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald, wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying pan or something.

+#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

+#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
b) The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

+#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

+#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance, resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

+#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7 for speaker pods)

+#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)

+#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract, except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

+#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

+#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few... of even the one.

+#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
*(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

+#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. *(see law #49)

+#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least 500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb. of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

+#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will *always* be offset by an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

+#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

+#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in Ambient Dramatic Tension.

+#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in slow motion.

+#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. *(see Laws # 37, 49, and 65)

+#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

+#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

+#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws [e.g., slowdown and
exposition]),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

+#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

+#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

+#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. *(see Laws 32 & 48)

+#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

*#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life...

*#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

*#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

*#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

*#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

*#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish... but his old teacher did!

*#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see Laws #67, 69, and 84)

*#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.


*#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

*#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

*#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

*#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

*#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.

*#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

*#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

*#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

*#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

*#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko Thing")

*#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

*#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

*#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

*#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can and will happen.

That a lone group of young untrained girls, numbering somewhere around two or three, armed with weapons far to big for them to caryy in the real can bring entire arms of well trained men to their knees, despite the fact the girls tend to genrally have no grasp of real tatics.

The bigger they are, the smaller the boy that commands them. :p

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v450/RhynoD/takenhomeaj8.png

OMOCHIKAEWRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u293/tsuki_uta/Anime%20Avatar/Higurashi%20no%20Naku%20Koro%20ni/higurashi23.gif

In any show that includes mechs, the mechs shall be able to combine to form even larger mechs.

Indeed. (http://i307.photobucket.com/albums/nn289/RhynoD2/i1zm14.gif)

That's not phallic imagery.

That's not phallic imagery.

In that anime, it's the drills.

OMOCHIKAEWRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u293/tsuki_uta/Anime%20Avatar/Higurashi%20no%20Naku%20Koro%20ni/higurashi23.gif


That may possibly be the second most hilarious thing I've seen today.
(Second to this (http://youtube.com/watch?v=7ZqZ9WDWXVc&feature=related).)

I have actually learned something very important from anime...







I have learned that anime fucking sucks.


I'd rather watch paint dry than watch anime.

Hmm...

What I've learned from anime:
1. It only takes a few days to rebuild a city/building that was flattened by as massive battle/explosion
2. Unless said thing was Tokyo Tower at which case that sucker will be back up in a few hours.
3. The Power of Love triumphs over anything including massive armies, alien invaders, and God Himself, IF you are a girl or in love with a girl.
4. The Yamato Spirit triumphs over anything, especially lack of skill if you happen to be a boy who is either a samurai, martial artist, or a baseball player (especially the last one).
5. Women who cover their mouths when they laugh are scary and will probably hog tie you at first opportunity.
6. If a woman hates you, she might hit you.
7. If a woman likes you, she WILL hit you, harder.
8. Japanese schools are unholy places of depravity and insanity where education takes a far second place to sports, fighting, the occult, or sex. Sometimes all of the above.
9. Every teacher and school administrator except perhaps either the music teacher or the librarian is in on the above action. Said music teacher or librarian will be clueless about said activities though.
10. When attempting to take over Japan, you should always put your base at either the Diet Building or Tokyo City Hall. Bonus points if your mortal enemies take over the other building.
11. Any dramatic action is worth doing 3 times.
12. Women have access to giant mallets that can mass up to half the planet.
13. Men cannot even begin to hope to dodge an incoming one, even if they are the best martial artist on Earth.
14. Tokyo has more secret underground bases per square kilometer than any other place on earth.
15. All women, no matter how shy they seem, will turn into ranging nymphomaniacs the minute you get them naked.
16. Apparently being raped by multiple tentacles attached to a foul demon from hell is embarrassing.
17. Fear the Pink Terror.
18. If a woman calls you Darling, run. Run right now. Do not stop, RUN!
19. Beware wrinkly old men and women who are the hight of toddlers. They will inevitably be able to kick your butt without trying.
20. No one normal lives in Japan, they are all master martial artists, reincarnated warriors from the moon, mecha pilots, space aliens, descended from space aliens, gods, oni, spirits, spies, master criminals, geniuses, or other.
Finally, 21. What Lupin wants, he will damn well take!

What I have learned from living in Japan:
1. None of the above are true except for number 7.

I have actually learned something very important from anime...

I have learned that anime fucking sucks.

I'd rather watch paint dry than watch anime.

You realise, don't you, that 'anime' is a term about as clearly and tightly defined and delineated as 'movies'?

It's entirely possible to find stuff like Pokemon and Dragon Ball to be mindless pap (the "Miami Vice" of the medium, perhaps), whilst simultaneously thinking that "Ghost In The Shell" (the anime on which the Matrix was pretty much based) is genius.

Hmm...

What I've learned from anime:
1. It only takes a few days to rebuild a city/building that was flattened by as massive battle/explosion
2. Unless said thing was Tokyo Tower at which case that sucker will be back up in a few hours.
3. The Power of Love triumphs over anything including massive armies, alien invaders, and God Himself, IF you are a girl or in love with a girl.
4. The Yamato Spirit triumphs over anything, especially lack of skill if you happen to be a boy who is either a samurai, martial artist, or a baseball player (especially the last one).
5. Women who cover their mouths when they laugh are scary and will probably hog tie you at first opportunity.
6. If a woman hates you, she might hit you.
7. If a woman likes you, she WILL hit you, harder.
8. Japanese schools are unholy places of depravity and insanity where education takes a far second place to sports, fighting, the occult, or sex. Sometimes all of the above.
9. Every teacher and school administrator except perhaps either the music teacher or the librarian is in on the above action. Said music teacher or librarian will be clueless about said activities though.
10. When attempting to take over Japan, you should always put your base at either the Diet Building or Tokyo City Hall. Bonus points if your mortal enemies take over the other building.
11. Any dramatic action is worth doing 3 times.
12. Women have access to giant mallets that can mass up to half the planet.
13. Men cannot even begin to hope to dodge an incoming one, even if they are the best martial artist on Earth.
14. Tokyo has more secret underground bases per square kilometer than any other place on earth.
15. All women, no matter how shy they seem, will turn into ranging nymphomaniacs the minute you get them naked.
16. Apparently being raped by multiple tentacles attached to a foul demon from hell is embarrassing.
17. Fear the Pink Terror.
18. If a woman calls you Darling, run. Run right now. Do not stop, RUN!
19. Beware wrinkly old men and women who are the hight of toddlers. They will inevitably be able to kick your butt without trying.
20. No one normal lives in Japan, they are all master martial artists, reincarnated warriors from the moon, mecha pilots, space aliens, descended from space aliens, gods, oni, spirits, spies, master criminals, geniuses, or other.
Finally, 21. What Lupin wants, he will damn well take!

What I have learned from living in Japan:
1. None of the above are true except for number 7.

And 18. Of course, they won't ALL electrocute you.

- You will have a group of fans that love dressing up like you.

16. Apparently being raped by multiple tentacles attached to a foul demon from hell is embarrassing.


Along with traumatic, horrifying, mind bending, stomach churning, and a whole gamut of shock related emotions one would imagine. But embarrassing probably has a spot somewhere in that list.

I agree with this post.

...and yet what's your favourite film?

The Matrix, heavily influenced by Anime, hence Animatrix.

The hero will ALWAYS use the single strongest attack LAST, 20 episodes later.

The bad guy is NEVER dead the first time. Also true to horror movies.

If the bad guy did die the first time, he will return as a zombie/robot or both.

No matter how big the obstacle, the hero will always survive if there are more than 10 episodes left in the series.

Bad guys will always show up with ascending strength, never vice versa.

Squinting your eye into a line will automatically form a drop of sweat hanging from your hair, which can change in size dramatically depending on the situation.

Being born with green, red, purple or any bright colored hair is perfectly normal.

Tentacle rape shall be enjoyed and not reported to anyone.

A hero will still have interest in sleeping with a women, and probably will, even after said tentacle rape.

Even though you fly around in cars and have super ultra maximum technology, you will battle with a blade.

After being sliced in half, the ANIVERSE™ will grant you a minute or two, to commend your rival on his/her performance, or perhaps call your loved ones and tell them you wont be making it for dinner tonight. Maybe enjoy a cigarette. After those actions have been completed, your upper body will slide of your lower body and blood will stream for a few days.

Also applies to jRPGs:

If you plan to kill the main villain inside his castle/lab/headquarters/whatever, make sure to have an escape route, because his death will trigger the building's self-destruct sequence. Note that if his base is on a secret (perhaps floating) island, the whole island will be destroyed.

Addendum: All sufficiently advanced technological constructs will have a self-destruct mechanism.

I learned monsters come from balls.
I learned that dragons come from multiple balls.
Said dragons will give you wishes.
Which include more balls.

They do like their balls in anime...

Along with traumatic, horrifying, mind bending, stomach churning, and a whole gamut of shock related emotions one would imagine. But embarrassing probably has a spot somewhere in that list.
'Tis one of the things that really annoy me about the tentacle rape sub-genre of hentai. In the mist of having every single orifice (And a few non) on her body being violated by multiple large, wiggling, phallic tentacles, said victim will manage to spit out one and cutely shriek, "Hazukashi!" (I'm embarrassed!).

I mean, tripping is embarrassing, falling on the ice in front of a guy you like is embarrassing, forgetting your train pass is embarrassing. Getting raped by a demon horror from beyond space and time is NOT embarrassing. Horrifying, yes, but not embarrassing. :soap:

I have actually learned something very important from anime...







I have learned that anime fucking sucks.


I'd rather watch paint dry than watch anime.

http://www.websmileys.com/sm/violent/sterb034.gif

I do recognize there's anime and anime. But bashing it is so much fun.

Anime is okay as long as it is taken in small quantities.
But I prefer American cartoons.

Anime is okay as long as it is taken in small quantities.
But I prefer American cartoons.

Like Pokemon, right?

I send you all to AMV Hell (http://youtube.com/watch?v=_lxakVAaAJY&feature=related)

Pokemon isn't American.
Spongebob is American.

I remember when I watched Pokemon, good times, they ruined that show after the first few seasons though. It got bland and the subtly quirky humor left it.

Here's another lesson from anime: If you get electrocuted by a mouse you will be okay a few seconds later.

Here's another lesson from anime: If you get electrocuted by a mouse you will be okay a few seconds later.


But the bike wont...

Anime is okay as long as it is taken in small quantities.
But I prefer American cartoons.

American anime can be decent. Avatar for instance is quite nicely done, though of course primarily aimed at kids.

Pokemon isn't American.The version you see in America is.

Hmm...
What I've learned from anime:
1. It only takes a few days to rebuild a city/building that was flattened by as massive battle/explosion
2. Unless said thing was Tokyo Tower at which case that sucker will be back up in a few hours.

where those builders when you need them

I send you all to AMV Hell (http://youtube.com/watch?v=_lxakVAaAJY&feature=related)

My favorite clip: Rika's night at the Roxbury's (http://youtube.com/watch?v=HpM2Y5Wq8C8).

...and yet what's your favourite film?

The Matrix, heavily influenced by Anime, hence Animatrix.

It was influenced by anime in the later ones, which were crap.

No matter how powerful a person is, they can still be decked by their love intrest

It was influenced by anime in the later ones, which were crap.

Sure..

Producer Joel Silver has stated that the Wachowski brothers first described their intentions for The Matrix by showing him that anime [Ghost in the Shell] and saying, "We wanna do that for real"

My favorite clip: Rika's night at the Roxbury's (http://youtube.com/watch?v=HpM2Y5Wq8C8).

OMAD!
*rolls around the floor laughing*

Benny Higurashi (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUF4Ndm4JoM)! It rocks for sheer idiocy.

I learned that, if you find a notebook, on the ground, one day, randomly, that writing names in will kill those people.

It was influenced by anime in the later ones, which were crap.

Other way round....

-somthing major will always happen on your 16th or 18th birthday

-All your base are belong to us

I agree with this post.

http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s34/rad_shu/bleach%20byakuya/angry.jpg

HOW DARE YOU!!! ARE YOU ASKING FOR A CHALLENGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.cs.utah.edu/~swilde/hsw/stinkoman.PNG

WTF...are swords meant to be symbolism for penis in anime?

No, It has something to do with Japanese culture, the sword in Japan was beleived to be a warrior's soul, thus the ones who wield swords in anime have certain character aspects are analogous to the sword's features.

- Your going to have big boobs in japan, and a reduction in america
- You'll probably have bad voice-acting
- You'll make veiwers want to see you nude if your female
-The first few episodes of your show will follow a vilian-of-the-week format