NationStates Jolt Archive

NewJerseyGuidos (http://jerseysucks.net/new_jersey_guidos.html)

Extremely interesting piece on a subculture prevalent in a certain area of the United States.

Some highlights: Anthony Moussa, 24, who runs a Web site
called NJGuido.com, comes alive during
Memorial Day weekend, like a Roman statue
freed from stone, beautiful. The summer
months give shape and meaning to Moussa's
life. This is when he parties hardest,
staying up to see the dawn. This is when he
comes to the Jersey Shore with his buddies
and fixes his hair and hits the nightclubs
and admires the girls, again and again
tipping back the sweet, fruity shot he
calls life.

This is when Anthony Moussa achieves the
fullest _expression of his guido self. This
is when he becomes The Moo.

"This place actually relaxes me," he says.
"I'm in my element."

He looks around at all the taut, tan skin
and spandex.

"It's all New Jersey," Moo says
passionately. "It's like a cult." He
recalls how he once described Temptations
to a friend: "You can't tell me there's
anyplace in the world where you'll find
more beautiful women."

The anthem ends, as most of Moo's online
entries do, with his motto: "There are no
excuses. Party like a rockstar."

Construction Carline, who has been awake
for just about four hours, makes an
announcement to no one in particular.

"ALL RIGHT, I'M READY. I'M GONNA HAVE A
BURGER AND THEN I'M GONNA START SERIOUSLY
DRINKING."

The group is discussing what it means to be
guido. They say one needn't be Italian.

"It's a state of mind," says Joe C. "You
should make a Guidopoly." He means a board
game, like Monopoly.

Guidos may live in one of the few realms of
the straight world in which men are as
preciously groomed as women. The quest for
perfection is what prompts one of the Moo's
friends to bring an electric nose hair
trimmer to the palace. It's why Moo shaves
his chest and back -- and why Joe C. shaves
his back and arms and sometimes his legs.

"That's guido," Sparkplug says.

Joe C. also gets his eyebrows waxed

Yeah I live in PA right over the border, I haven't met one that isn't conceited and obnoxious when they really have no right to be; considering they're men posing as women and live off of their parents money.

They like to wear pink things too.

We have those here too.


















We call them Albanians. :D

*puckers lips*

I lolled when I saw the thread title, but No. its not a valid lifestyle choice.

anyway, http://youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M

I thought they were called Metrosexuals.

Wait guido actually considered a culture, let alone subculture? Someones grasping for straws. To call it a subculture may very well be an insult to all the other subcultures out there. Acting guido is an act; there are no real special terms or diffention (other than common slang). There are no examplary individuals to quote, admire, or study. They lack a cohesion with other likewise groups, except for the fact they are all just guys with often bad taste trying to get laid. One might as well say Tramps from Queens, or jocks are a subculture.

...We call them Albanians.

Thats just in poor taste.

I thought they were called Metrosexuals.

They're completely different.

This scares me. I don't like my boyfriends more girly than me. It's just wrong. I don't wanna be the boy.

This scares me. I don't like my boyfriends more girly than me. It's just wrong. I don't wanna be the boy.

Stop whining and be a man. :D

Why do they call it Guido? It's an ethnic slur to demean Italians.

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g245/errol_brownpants/guido12.jpg

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g245/errol_brownpants/guido12.jpg

That is really shallow, stupid, and fucking gay

Love the thread title. http://i170.photobucket.com/albums/u275/Gravlen/NSG/Smilies%20and%20animated%20stuff/1129.gif

I had no idea these people even existed until Stumble Upon kept stumbling me pics of such magnitudes of awful that it had to be investigated.

What gets me even more than the fish lips is the fake tan. It's beyond any semblance of actual tanned skin, deep into "shoe polish for Halloween" territory. I don't get it. I really, really don't.

http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj128/tegibbons2/pic27065.jpg

That is really shallow, stupid, and fucking gay

and that's ironic.


We have some guidos up here during the school year. I'm on Long Island now, and there are tons. *shudder*

Who the bloody hell are they, and why do they like orange so much?

Wow, the Oompa Loompas have really let themselves go since the plant shut down...

We have one of those in the UK. He's called Dale Winton, and he's orange and sexually ambiguous as well.

I've never gone clubbing in the United States, since I've been told its disappointing. But I've been to Europe, and in Mexico City.

I have to say, the guys who cake on the bronzing lotion need to know that they look just as hot as the girls they snub for doing the same thing.

Can you say closet case gays full of STDs? Gross! *holds up pepper spray for defense*

See, it's stuff like this that makes me wonder why the hell the west coast has the reputation for being 'weird' when it's the east coast that has that kind of thing going on. It takes a lot for someone to get stared at around here, but someone covered in orange paint pursing his lips, that'd about do it. I remember a guy from New Jersey telling me about these people who wore track suits and gold chains and drove around in IROC Camaros but I had no idea...

Shit was so cash.

I lolled when I saw the thread title, but No. its not a valid lifestyle choice.

^This.

Wow, the Oompa Loompas have really let themselves go since the plant shut down...

LOL!

/thread

They're completely different.

Right, Guidos all think that they are all Sopranos. It's metro multiplied by the power of deuchebag.

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee273/dandevries/SafeRedirect-8.jpg

http://i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee273/dandevries/SafeRedirect-8.jpg

ROFL! 10!!!

*Gives cheesecake*

http://i16.photobucket.com/albums/b6/Davehal9K/Fags.jpg

Sometimes I wonder if they actually realize how gay they look.

Gay community please note, this was not a slight at you guys. True homosexuals and lesbians are awesome.

Stop whining and be a man. :D

But I don't have the parts! or the testosterone level.

I'm confused, are all Guidos gay? Where does the term/subculture originate?

I thought they were just guys waaay overly fond of preening...

But I don't have the parts! or the testosterone level.

... looking at some of these pics...

are those even requirements any more?

You make an excellent point Junii. I just am too much of a girly girl. I like my men rough and tumble. Chippys, sparkys, brickies etc.

I thought they were just guys waaay overly fond of preening...

Way too full of themselves, really. And they're not gay, at least not openly.

Way too full of themselves, really. And they're not gay, at least not openly.
Ahh right, cheers.

A few of the previous comments had made the impression they were gay.

See, it's stuff like this that makes me wonder why the hell the west coast has the reputation for being 'weird' when it's the east coast that has that kind of thing going on. It takes a lot for someone to get stared at around here, but someone covered in orange paint pursing his lips, that'd about do it. I remember a guy from New Jersey telling me about these people who wore track suits and gold chains and drove around in IROC Camaros but I had no idea...

New Jersey is not part of the east coast. It exists in its own magical world, where the men are orange and super-saiyans, and the women have straw for hair and plastic for breasts.

New Jersey is not part of the east coast. It exists in its own magical world, where the men are orange and super-saiyans, and the women have straw for hair and plastic for breasts.

*nods*

I'm confused, are all Guidos gay? Where does the term/subculture originate?

I thought they were just guys waaay overly fond of preening...

Guidos aren't gay. For whatever reason, it seems that there is a significant portion of the female population in the NJ region that seems to be attracted to this class of males. At least, enough for them to justify acting like this. Maybe. Or, they could just be douchebags who don't need a justification. It doesn't make sense to me, why go through all that trouble just to be a douche?

The term "guido" comes from the Italian word "guidare", which means "I guide/I drive". So, in the vernacular, it means a driver. It morphed into a slur against Italians, referring to the section of that community that wears gold chains with shirts showing massive amounts of chest hair. It also implied mob connections.

However, when the fashions changed in the 1990s and the mob began to lose visibility, young douchebags from NJ needed a way to express themselves. So, they turned to self-tanning cream, spending all their time in the gym or drinking, and over-styling their hair. This, when combined with the powerful influences of the 'Fab Five' (and the crab people) in creating 'metro-sexuality' as a cultural phenomenon, created the modern guido movement.

Ahh right, cheers.

A few of the previous comments had made the impression they were gay.

Yeah, their behavior actually tends to be rather obnoxiously straight.

They are, to a man, pretty much the worst people you will ever meet as well.

Yeah, their behavior actually tends to be rather obnoxiously straight.

They are, to a man, pretty much the worst people you will ever meet as well.

Without a doubt. The best part is that everything they value will be faded and gone in 10 years or so at the rate they are partying.

However, when the fashions changed in the 1990s and the mob began to lose visibility, young douchebags from NJ needed a way to express themselves. So, they turned to self-tanning cream, spending all their time in the gym or drinking, and over-styling their hair. This, when combined with the powerful influences of the 'Fab Five' (and the crab people) in creating 'metro-sexuality' as a cultural phenomenon, created the modern guido movement.
'Movement'? Yikes!

So, would the term only be used to describe someone of Italian-American descent? And are they playing on thee stereotypical Mob image?

'Movement'? Yikes!

So, would the term only be used to describe someone of Italian-American descent? And are they playing on thee stereotypical Mob image?

The guy who runs NJguido.com is half-Italian, half-Lebanese. He says that guido is a way of life, not an ethnic group. He also says anyone is welcome. You, too, could become a guido! All you need is 2 years in the gym, plucked/waxed eyebrows, and a shaved back!

So, no, they're not playing on the Mob image or the old racial slur. To my knowledge, these asshats have no mob connections whatsoever.

Guidos aren't gay. For whatever reason, it seems that there is a significant portion of the female population in the NJ region that seems to be attracted to this class of males. At least, enough for them to justify acting like this. Maybe. Or, they could just be douchebags who don't need a justification. It doesn't make sense to me, why go through all that trouble just to be a douche?

The term "guido" comes from the Italian word "guidare", which means "I guide/I drive". So, in the vernacular, it means a driver. It morphed into a slur against Italians, referring to the section of that community that wears gold chains with shirts showing massive amounts of chest hair. It also implied mob connections.

However, when the fashions changed in the 1990s and the mob began to lose visibility, young douchebags from NJ needed a way to express themselves. So, they turned to self-tanning cream, spending all their time in the gym or drinking, and over-styling their hair. This, when combined with the powerful influences of the 'Fab Five' (and the crab people) in creating 'metro-sexuality' as a cultural phenomenon, created the modern guido movement.
Um... Guido is an Italian male name. I've known men named Guido, though they weren't "guidos." I think the term "guido" for this kind of guy actually comes from the name, on the assumption that it is stereotypically Italian and so are they.

By the way, Long Island, NY -- the polar opposite of Jersey, aka The Guyland among those who live there and have the accent -- has its own name for the guido. There they are called "coujine" (pronounced "koo-jeen"; not sure of the spelling; I don't think anyone has ever tried to write it down before), a bastardization of the Italian word for cousin. Their wimmin-folk are called coujettes, and some people have even made reference to the Guyland Jews who are part of the same cultural matrix as "jewjines." But that's New York for ya. ;)

You, too, could become a guido! All you need is 2 years in the gym, plucked/waxed eyebrows, and a shaved back!
Umm... no thanks.

To my knowledge, these asshats have no mob connections whatsoever.
That's what you think, gavone.

: P

Um... Guido is an Italian male name. I've known men named Guido, though they weren't "guidos." I think the term "guido" for this kind of guy actually comes from the name, on the assumption that it is stereotypically Italian and so are they.

By the way, Long Island, NY -- the polar opposite of Jersey, aka The Guyland among those who live there and have the accent -- has its own name for the guido. There they are called "coujine" (pronounced "koo-jeen"; not sure of the spelling; I don't think anyone has ever tried to write it down before), a bastardization of the Italian word for cousin. Their wimmin-folk are called coujettes, and some people have even made reference to the Guyland Jews who are part of the same cultural matrix as "jewjines." But that's New York for ya. ;)

I will concur on the douchiness of these clowns. I will disagree with the Long Island=polar opposite of Jersey. Long Island and Bergen County might as well just overlap each other. They are composed of basically the same ethnic breakdown of Italians, Jews, and others. They all like to go to the Jersey Shore and listen to recycled dance music while pumping their fists with their shirts off. Many of them are in their early 20's living with their parents. There are some that are a little older, but most still living with their parents.

I made money on summer breaks studying these lower level primates. Bartending, barbacking, and bouncing (stomping guidos on their throat) was fun. They all get so totally banged out on GHB, XTC, coke, pain pills, and alcohol it's like natural selection watching them kill themselves. One weekend at Temptations (hey, it was money) we sent 48 people to the hospital for various reasons. Most involved drugs, some involved them popping off at the mouth and thinking the staff would just take their shit, and some others just drank themselves into a coma. They really are on the lower end of the evolutionary chain, and I think we just need to let them eliminate themselves. It's a hard day to have more fun then watching a guido cry after you just called their bluff, and handed them their nuts back in their girl's LV clutch.

I will concur on the douchiness of these clowns. I will disagree with the Long Island=polar opposite of Jersey. Long Island and Bergen County might as well just overlap each other. They are composed of basically the same ethnic breakdown of Italians, Jews, and others. They all like to go to the Jersey Shore and listen to recycled dance music while pumping their fists with their shirts off. Many of them are in their early 20's living with their parents. There are some that are a little older, but most still living with their parents.
Sorry, I meant geographically opposite.

See, since, as everyone knows, New York City is the center of the world, New Jersey and Long Island are, obviously, the east/west poles (of a flat planet), with Westchester and some place nobody ever goes to as the north/south poles. :)

Sorry, I meant geographically opposite.

See, since, as everyone knows, New York City is the center of the world, New Jersey and Long Island are, obviously, the east/west poles (of a flat planet), with Westchester and some place nobody ever goes to as the north/south poles. :)

Indeed, you are correct. I think we should compile a "My new haircut" sketch. Yes, I also realize that NYC is the center of the world, the universe actually.

Umm... no thanks.


That's what you think, gavone.

: P

Can you imagine these guys organizing a hit?

"Dude, does this shirt go with my pp7?"
"Yeah dude, you're totally going to look all James Bond and shit. Do my pants work with my AK?"
"Nah man, you need to go with the P-90."
"Dude, now I have to re-do my hair. HOLY SHIT! Look at these cuticles. Holy shit."
"DUDES, DO I GO WITH BOXERS OR BOXER-BRIEFS? I MIGHT WANT TO LOSE MY PANTS IF THEY'S HOTTIES THERE!"
"DEF BOXERS MAN! TOTALLY BITCHIN'"
"Aw, man. I gotta shave my legs again. Way too fuckin' hairy for this shit."
"We ready to roll?"
"Totally ready to rock this bitch. I gotta rip some shots of Jaeger and lotion up again. We'll roll in 2, baby."

At the hit
"DUDES! There's the dude."
"LETS FUCKING DO THIS!"
"Aw, dude, my hand's slipping on the door handle. Got it."
"Go fucking time."
"Dude! You're fucking fucked, dude."
"Aw, man, my AKs caught in my chain."
"My finger slipped on the trigger. Fucking lotion!"
"DUDE! YOU JUST SHOT BRETT!"
"THE MOTHERFUCKER'S SHOOTING BACK! FUCK!"
"DUDE! YOU JUST SHOT ME IN THE ASS!"
"The AK got caught again. My bad."
"Told you to go with the P90. Dumb fucker."
"Dammit, i just crapped my pants. THESE WERE VICTORIA SECRET!"
"Victoria Secret? Dude, that's fucking gay."
"Nah man, chicks dig the lace."
"Awesome. Fuck, he shot me. Slap my bitches for me."

I'm confused, are all Guidos gay? Where does the term/subculture originate?

I thought they were just guys waaay overly fond of preening...
If they are just fond of preening, then they are just metro (plucking eyebrows, facials, manicures, pedicures, etc.)
Guido involves too much self-tanner and general jerk-ish behavior (really, the My New Haircut video is perfect) I'd say the gay Guido population is the same as any other subculture, though less accepted.
New Jersey is not part of the east coast. It exists in its own magical world, where the men are orange and super-saiyans, and the women have straw for hair and plastic for breasts.
This plus radioactive.
'Movement'? Yikes!

So, would the term only be used to describe someone of Italian-American descent? And are they playing on thee stereotypical Mob image?
Not all Italian-Americans are guido, and not all guidos are Italian-American. Does stem from the mob master image (lots of gold jewelery to show power, big build to show strength. No clue where orange comes in, except that only people who have time and travel are tan year round)



By the way, Long Island, NY -- the polar opposite of Jersey, aka The Guyland among those who live there and have the accent -- has its own name for the guido. There they are called "coujine" (pronounced "koo-jeen"; not sure of the spelling; I don't think anyone has ever tried to write it down before), a bastardization of the Italian word for cousin. Their wimmin-folk are called coujettes, and some people have even made reference to the Guyland Jews who are part of the same cultural matrix as "jewjines." But that's New York for ya. ;)
Where on Long Island is this? I have friends from somewhere in Nassau County (not sure what town) as well as Islip who use the standard Guido

If they are just fond of preening, then they are just metro (plucking eyebrows, facials, manicures, pedicures, etc.)
Guido involves too much self-tanner and general jerk-ish behavior (really, the My New Haircut video is perfect) I'd say the gay Guido population is the same as any other subculture, though less accepted.

This plus radioactive.

Not all Italian-Americans are guido, and not all guidos are Italian-American. Does stem from the mob master image (lots of gold jewelery to show power, big build to show strength. No clue where orange comes in, except that only people who have time and travel are tan year round)


Where on Long Island is this? I have friends from somewhere in Nassau County (not sure what town) as well as Islip who use the standard Guido
Hell, shit, how should I know? There are "places" within Long Island? Are you sure? To me, it's all just one big car dealership. :D

I think it's more the east end of the island, between Massapequa and Brooklyn/Queens (inclusive; even though B/Q are part of the city, they are physcially on the island; this is why I think all that shit is caused by geomantic vortexes or some crap like that; swirling people's brains around).