The Great Big PG-13 Joke Thread
Crimean Republic
14-07-2008, 19:46
Post the best jokes you know right here. Please refrain from overdoing the profanity.
And man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a long night of heavy drinking, the man stumbles towards the door, leaving the giraffe passed out under the pool table. The barman yells at him, "You can't leave that lyin' there!".
"That's not a lion, it's a giraffe"
Crimean Republic
14-07-2008, 19:53
What do Macs and blondes have in common?
Both are expensive but easy to use as a tool.
Crimean Republic
14-07-2008, 19:55
And man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a long night of heavy drinking, the man stumbles towards the door, leaving the giraffe passed out under the pool table. The barman yells at him, "You can't leave that lyin' there!".
"That's not a lion, it's a giraffe"
*cues laughter*
Oh, another blonde joke:
What do blondes and nails have in common?
Both are a dime a dozen and love to get pounded down.
gawwffff gawwwfff
The Alma Mater
14-07-2008, 20:04
Why are girls like ovens ?
You need to preheat them before you shove the meat in
Crimean Republic
14-07-2008, 20:07
Why are girls like ovens ?
You need to preheat them before you shove the meat in
I just don't know. Doh! there is the answer!
Smunkeeville
14-07-2008, 20:19
why do girls wear make-up and perfume?
because they're ugly and they smell bad
Ron Jeremy bought a farm, but he wasn't sure he wanted to go all out with the animals, you know in case he didn't like farming. Guess what he bought.
brown chicken brown cow (bow-chicka-bow... you get the idea... it sucks in text)
It amuses me that the PG-13 joke thread is filled with sexual innuendo.
Smunkeeville
14-07-2008, 20:27
It amuses me that the PG-13 joke thread is filled with sexual innuendo.
:p
Why don't Baptists have sex standing up?
God might think they are dancing
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked. "How much for these shoes?" she asked the store manager.
"$200", he replied.
"That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?"
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blond persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes for free?!" he yelled.
"Fine I will," the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried and decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one is NOT wearing shoes!"
Crimean Republic
14-07-2008, 20:27
It amuses me that the PG-13 joke thread is filled with sexual innuendo.
thats what PG-13 is nowadays
That Imperial Navy
14-07-2008, 20:28
A blonde suspects her husband is cheating and buys a gun. Sure enough, she catches him in the act. Distraught, she puts the gun to her head.
"Don't do it!" the husband cries.
"Shut up-you're next!"
Crimean Republic
14-07-2008, 20:34
Two nuns go to the grocery store in the convent's red mini cooper. Since all of the parking spaces were taken up, one of the nuns decides to continue to drive around until the other one finishes shopping.
After gathering all of the groceries, one nun heads outside, to look for the other and head back to the convent. She doesn't see here.
She sees a police man walking the beat and asks, "Have you seen a nun in a red mini?"
The cop replies, "Not since I stopped drinking."
Crimean Republic
14-07-2008, 20:39
I may be a Lutheran, but this one is still halarious.
At the religious convention, a fire broke out.
The revivalists pitched a tent and told everyone to repent because the end was near.
The Hindus yelled at the guy who had a burger on the way to the convention.
The Baptists sat around and blamed the gays.
The gays sat around and blamed the Baptists
The Muslims decided to wage a jihad against the fire, by running into it and yelling.
The Catholics sat in the corner and said hail marys.
The Jews used the fire to light candles that burned for eight days and nights.
The janitor came out with a fire extinguisher and put it out.
thats what PG-13 is nowadays
*shrugs* I don't watch kids' films.
Sarkhaan
14-07-2008, 20:50
What do you call a black man who flies a plane?
A pilot, you racist.
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.
The wife is not sure and says, "What?' and the man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE"
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.
Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the hell was that?"
She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
Philosopy
14-07-2008, 22:39
Why doesn't anyone in France eat two eggs for breakfast?
Because in France, one egg is un oeuf
An oldie, but it still makes me chuckle.
So I saw a poster the other day which asked "Have you seen this man?" Well I rang up and said no I hadn't.
I had my first threesome the other day. It was great though two of the people didn't turn up...