NationStates Jolt Archive

So, lets say you have a friend, who is dating this chick. The chick, while not having a physical affair with another man, is having an emotional one with another man. Would you tell the friend? Now, if you tell him, then that leads to a strong possibility of the chick being kicked out of his house and she's living on the streets. However if you don't, then the chick won't stop the emotional affair, and he'll be hurt worse later on when she finally does get enough of him and decides to move out on her own.

To tell, not to tell, that is the question.

I saw nothing, heard nothing, and you can't prove otherwise.

I didn't see anything, I didn't hear anything, I wasn't there. And if I was, I was asleep.

I'd want to tell, in that I would think it the right thing to do, but I would be hesitant to do so, at least until I was sure.

what the fuck is an "emotional affair"?

what the fuck is an "emotional affair"?

That's where your girlfriend/boyfriend has another friend they spent time with. Driven mad by envy, you are reduced to semi-insane plotting in the hall closet.

That's where your girlfriend/boyfriend has another friend they spent time with.

Oh right right, I forget. That ignorant slut, thinks she can have friends....

what the fuck is an "emotional affair"?

Also, this.

what the fuck is an "emotional affair"?She fucks with his mind.

So, lets say you have a friend, who is dating this chick. The chick, while not having a physical affair with another man, is having an emotional one with another man. Would you tell the friend? Now, if you tell him, then that leads to a strong possibility of the chick being kicked out of his house and she's living on the streets. However if you don't, then the chick won't stop the emotional affair, and he'll be hurt worse later on when she finally does get enough of him and decides to move out on her own.

To tell, not to tell, that is the question.

1. What constitutes an emotional affair?

2. How do you know about this? I can't see anyone telling you they were having an emotional affair

She fucks with his mind.

win.

That's where your girlfriend/boyfriend has another friend they spent time with. Driven mad by envy, you are reduced to semi-insane plotting in the hall closet.
This is my guess on the situation, in which case I say keep it too yourself you giant spazz.

No, I wouldn't.

I don't think I would... I would feel as if I'm intruding.

This is my guess on the situation, in which case I say keep it too yourself you giant spazz.

You! Your name shall join them on the List of Revenge! *rocks back and forth, dribbles slightly*

An emotional affair means you rely on someone else more. You're emotionally intimate with them the way you would be with your spouse or partner. It goes beyond the platonic nature of friendships. It means you tend to shut yourself down emotionally toward your partner.

Feel free to correct me if I'm offbase.

An emotional affair means you rely on someone else more. You're emotionally intimate with them the way you would be with your spouse or partner. It goes beyond the platonic nature of friendships. It means you tend to shut yourself down emotionally toward your partner.

Feel free to correct me if I'm offbase.

Eh that's pretty much it.

An emotional affair means you rely on someone else more. You're emotionally intimate with them the way you would be with your spouse or partner. It goes beyond the platonic nature of friendships. It means you tend to shut yourself down emotionally toward your partner.

Feel free to correct me if I'm offbase.

and what the hell does that mean "emotionally intimate"?

I would. But, seeing as how she's not having a physical affair, I would only tell him mentally.


Actually, I'm doing it right now. Ummmmmmmmm....

So, lets say you have a friend, who is dating this chick. The chick, while not having a physical affair with another man, is having an emotional one with another man. Would you tell the friend? Now, if you tell him, then that leads to a strong possibility of the chick being kicked out of his house and she's living on the streets. However if you don't, then the chick won't stop the emotional affair, and he'll be hurt worse later on when she finally does get enough of him and decides to move out on her own.

To tell, not to tell, that is the question.

Stop enabling her. Just quit talking to her.

no

she has a male friend.

there is nothing wrong with that.

An emotional affair means you rely on someone else more. You're emotionally intimate with them the way you would be with your spouse or partner. It goes beyond the platonic nature of friendships. It means you tend to shut yourself down emotionally toward your partner.

Feel free to correct me if I'm offbase.

if it is this best tell him as it almost always leads to a physical affair.

Be careful do not allow him to over react instead get him into information gathering mode.

no

she has a male friend.

there is nothing wrong with that.

Pretty much. Unless he's going to pee on her leg or something she's going to have dude friends.

Ask yourself, would you be freaking out like this if the friend was a chick? If "no," then quit being a spazz and don't fuck up a healthy relationship.

there's no need for you to get involved

An emotional affair means you rely on someone else more. You're emotionally intimate with them the way you would be with your spouse or partner. It goes beyond the platonic nature of friendships. It means you tend to shut yourself down emotionally toward your partner.


If the last sentence is true, the partner will already know this himself and not need to be told.

If the last sentence is not true, I'm with everyone else in wondering what the heck the problem is. Being in a relationship doesn't mean one should stop having friends.

If the last sentence is true, the partner will already know this himself and not need to be told.

If the last sentence is not true, I'm with everyone else in wondering what the heck the problem is. Being in a relationship doesn't mean one should stop having friends.

^That. And, it's none of your business. And you really don't know what's going on inside either relationship. You have absolutely no business meddling in other people's affairs. It's one thing if they guy asks you, it's something else to just volunteer information that might or might not be accurate to someone who might or might not know the whole story who might or might not want to know in the first place.

^That. And, it's none of your business. And you really don't know what's going on inside either relationship. You have absolutely no business meddling in other people's affairs. It's one thing if they guy asks you, it's something else to just volunteer information that might or might not be accurate to someone who might or might not know the whole story who might or might not want to know in the first place.

but...but...but...the slut is talking to guys.

other guys.

If the last sentence is true, the partner will already know this himself and not need to be told.

If the last sentence is not true, I'm with everyone else in wondering what the heck the problem is. Being in a relationship doesn't mean one should stop having friends.

One should always have friends, but there is a line and it's easy to cross. You start off as friends, then you complain about your sig other and then at some point, new friend is "the only one who understands you" and your sig other and you have "drifted apart" and all kinds of other bull shit......and then badness.

One should have self control, but most don't. Wilgrove should have run away when I told him to.

^That. And, it's none of your business. And you really don't know what's going on inside either relationship. You have absolutely no business meddling in other people's affairs. It's one thing if they guy asks you, it's something else to just volunteer information that might or might not be accurate to someone who might or might not know the whole story who might or might not want to know in the first place.

well there are times when I would expect my friends to tell me things.

there is a friend line, if he feels it has been crossed then he should mention it to his friend. depends exactly what is meant by emotional cheating yes.

What the fuck is an 'emotional affair'?

Oh, and get a blog.

but...but...but...the slut is talking to guys.

other guys.
Oh. In that case she's a fucking whore. Don't we still beat women for that? We should.

well there are times when I would expect my friends to tell me things.

there is a friend line, if he feels it has been crossed then he should mention it to his friend. depends exactly what is meant by emotional cheating yes.
Oh come on. Use some common sense. How does Wilgrove know what's going on in either relationship? Cheaters, like you can even call this cheating, generally keep their goings on a secret. Especially from a busybody. Which Wilgrove has proven time and again he is. He assumes something nefarious is going on, he assumes her boyfriend doesn't know, he assumes her freindship is hurting her relatioship.

Take this one step further. Let's pretend he saw her kissing another guy. Could that be cheating? Possibly. Or maybe her and her boyfriend are poly. Some people keep that part of their lives under wraps. And no, you don't "just know" they aren't that kind of couple. You'd be surprised who is.

So then by telling the boyfriend that you saw the girlfriend kissing someone else, you put him in an akward position of having to lie to you or share that part of their sex life with you. And if he wanted to do the latter he would have already.

But I digress. Wilgrove is assuming an awful lot, he needs to keep his assumptions to himself.

One should always have friends, but there is a line and it's easy to cross. You start off as friends, then you complain about your sig other and then at some point, new friend is "the only one who understands you" and your sig other and you have "drifted apart" and all kinds of other bull shit......and then badness.

One should have self control, but most don't. Wilgrove should have run away when I told him to.

yes yes he should have.

In this case I wouldn't tell him since she is having an emotional affair that just means your friend either isn't smart enough to be able to stimulate her mind or he doesn't want to talk about topics that interest her. She is using the other guy to be able to stimulate her mind and will continue using this poor sap, maybe she goes and complains about your friend and why he is a wanker but then turns around and goes off to fuck him, which maybe all she is in it for with your friend. I wouldn't tell your friend but I would tell this guy she is having an emotional affair with he is being played along by her and he thinks that by being kind and giving a shoulder to lean on he will get some but he needs to be told that he isn't going to get any because he is just the guy who she whores herself out to on an intellectual level. You or your friend don't have to worry about her having sex with him because that is not his purpose that is your friends purpose, this guys purpose is to be someone to cry to and stimulate his mind.

In this case I wouldn't tell him since she is having an emotional affair that just means your friend either isn't smart enough to be able to stimulate her mind or he doesn't want to talk about topics that interest her. She is using the other guy to be able to stimulate her mind and will continue using this poor sap, maybe she goes and complains about your friend and why he is a wanker but then turns around and goes off to fuck him, which maybe all she is in it for with your friend. I wouldn't tell your friend but I would tell this guy she is having an emotional affair with he is being played along by her and he thinks that by being kind and giving a shoulder to lean on he will get some but he needs to be told that he isn't going to get any because he is just the guy who she whores herself out to on an intellectual level. You or your friend don't have to worry about her having sex with him because that is not his purpose that is your friends purpose, this guys purpose is to be someone to cry to and stimulate his mind.

Did you seriously just equate having other friends that you talk to to "whoring oneself out"? Good grief. Apparently I've been a whore for years without even knowing it.

In this case I wouldn't tell him since she is having an emotional affair that just means your friend either isn't smart enough to be able to stimulate her mind or he doesn't want to talk about topics that interest her. She is using the other guy to be able to stimulate her mind and will continue using this poor sap, maybe she goes and complains about your friend and why he is a wanker but then turns around and goes off to fuck him, which maybe all she is in it for with your friend. I wouldn't tell your friend but I would tell this guy she is having an emotional affair with he is being played along by her and he thinks that by being kind and giving a shoulder to lean on he will get some but he needs to be told that he isn't going to get any because he is just the guy who she whores herself out to on an intellectual level. You or your friend don't have to worry about her having sex with him because that is not his purpose that is your friends purpose, this guys purpose is to be someone to cry to and stimulate his mind.

What the hell?:confused:

So if I'm in a relationship, I can't have friends?

Did you seriously just equate having other friends that you talk to to "whoring oneself out"? Good grief. Apparently I've been a whore for years without even knowing it.

Haha no you obviously didn't read my post correctly. I must be a whore as well if we took what you thought I was saying

It sounds too much like Friends.

What the hell?:confused:

So if I'm in a relationship, I can't have friends?

Once again that is not what I said. I am talking about using some poor sap for everything but sex as if he was your boyfriend. There isa difference than just having friends.

So, lets say you have a friend, who is dating this chick. The chick, while not having a physical affair with another man, is having an emotional one with another man. Would you tell the friend? Now, if you tell him, then that leads to a strong possibility of the chick being kicked out of his house and she's living on the streets. However if you don't, then the chick won't stop the emotional affair, and he'll be hurt worse later on when she finally does get enough of him and decides to move out on her own.

To tell, not to tell, that is the question.

Tell, and you run the risk of ending up with them together and you no longer having a friend.

Did you seriously just equate having other friends that you talk to to "whoring oneself out"? Good grief. Apparently I've been a whore for years without even knowing it.
But don't you see? BE, like Wilgrove, has this whore all figured out.

She's having an emotional affair, which I'm guessing means her remorse is giving his happiness a blowjob.

Once again that is not what I said. I am talking about using some poor sap for everything but sex as if he was your boyfriend. There isa difference than just having friends.
And you know that's what's happening how?

Once again that is not what I said. I am talking about using some poor sap for everything but sex as if he was your boyfriend. There isa difference than just having friends.

you have made a judgement about these people that the OP doesnt justify.

But don't you see? BE, like Wilgrove, has this whore all figured out.

She's having an emotional affair, which I'm guessing means her remorse is giving his happiness a blowjob.

Well I am not going to say that is what is exactly happening, I would need more details, but it sounds like this is happening from previous experiences I have seen amongst friends.

So, lets say you have a friend, who is dating this chick. The chick, while not having a physical affair with another man, is having an emotional one with another man. Would you tell the friend? Now, if you tell him, then that leads to a strong possibility of the chick being kicked out of his house and she's living on the streets. However if you don't, then the chick won't stop the emotional affair, and he'll be hurt worse later on when she finally does get enough of him and decides to move out on her own.

To tell, not to tell, that is the question.

THIS JUST IN:

Wilgrove meddling in others' relationships yet again!

More news at 10!

Seriously, I'm sure you have good intentions. But how can you prove someone is having an emotional affair? Did she say "Oh, I care about X more than my boyfriend"? You can't prove it's actually happening with hard evidence. Unless you have pictures of them, oh, screwing on the copy machine, you can't prove she's running around on him and should just stay quiet. Besides, if she's getting distant from her boyfriend... I'm sure he's going to notice.

THIS JUST IN:

Wilgrove meddling in others' relationships yet again!

More news at 10!

Seriously, I'm sure you have good intentions. But how can you prove someone is having an emotional affair? Did she say "Oh, I care about X more than my boyfriend"? You can't prove it's actually happening with hard evidence. Unless you have pictures of them, oh, screwing on the copy machine, you can't prove she's running around on him and should just stay quiet. Besides, if she's getting distant from her boyfriend... I'm sure he's going to notice.

Or he might not care because at the end of the day she is in his bed. There we go I have made an assumption about a male so it evens itself out.

her remorse is giving his happiness a blowjob.

And enjoying it, too.

Or he might not care because at the end of the day she is in his bed. There we go I have made an assumption about a male so it evens itself out.

Because, as we all know, assumptions made on gender stereotypes are okay if you balance them out...

Men have emotional needs, too. I doubt he'd be in a live-in relationship with a woman if he just wanted good sex whenever.

Or he might not care because at the end of the day she is in his bed. There we go I have made an assumption about a male so it evens itself out.

What assumption was made about female behaviour?

What assumption was made about female behaviour?

I don't know but somebody at least implied that I had.

who would stand to gain? you don't know that telling him now will cause him less pain than letting him find out for himself, at least that way he'll feel less of a fool for having it pointed out to him by someone else. and if she denies it you look like a coniving bastard trying to split up your mates relationship.

http://forums.jolt.co.uk/showpost.php?p=13786720&postcount=13

Because, as we all know, assumptions made on gender stereotypes are okay if you balance them out...

I am so glad that you agree with me :rolleyes: Of course it was not an assumption (I know I said it was but that was only because people thought I had made an assumption) it was a hypothesis

I don't know but somebody at least implied that I had.

I think the implication was the assumption you made about the relationships between three people.

I don't know what an "emotional affair" is, but if there is such a thing it seems to be something that someone would just fall into as opposed to a physical affair where someone chooses to engage in it. Therefore, don't tell him anything.

I'd confront her about it first, actually.

Is your friend a legal adult where you live? Is his girlfriend? Yes? Then leave them alone. They are grown ups and they can make their own mistakes, choices and relationships without your unasked for input.

Honestly, the only time I'd probably tell a friend his/her partner was cheating was if there was a reason to be concerned for his/her health, or if he/she was planning to make a major change in his/her life (like leaving a job or moving to a different city) for someone who was not going to stick around.

Yes, but not because I'm good friend. I just happen to like the idea of forcing someone out on the street.

It would depend on my relationship with the people involved and whether or not it was important to me that it continue.

But - I would probably talk to her first and ask her, tactfully, what the story was. If it's something innocuous, I'd leave it alone. If it's not, I'd encourage her to talk to him and leave it at that.

Oh come on. Use some common sense. How does Wilgrove know what's going on in either relationship?

Maybe Wilgrove is the guy the woman is having an emotional relationship with ?

Fuck her. Not literally, but if she's just leading him one while her emotions are for someone else instead, then she's just using him as a hotel.

Maybe you should just stay out of other people's business?

You always create these threads, certain that you know exactly what is going on with your 'friends' with you in the role of all-seeing, all-doing counsellor.

It's got nothing to do with you. Get your own life, rather than trying to meddle with the life of others all the time.

What the fuck is an 'emotional affair'?

Oh, and get a blog.

^ This

Seriously, Wilgrove, no. Fuck no. You shouldn't tell him unless they are actually having a physical affair. For all you know they're probably just friends and she could get kicked out for nothing. And the guy could be a little more than peeved about it. For example, one of my best friends and confidantes is a female. If I was chased down by a jealous boyfriend, I would be pissed as hell.

Maybe you should just stay out of other people's business?

You always create these threads, certain that you know exactly what is going on with your 'friends' with you in the role of all-seeing, all-doing counsellor.

It's got nothing to do with you. Get your own life, rather than trying to meddle with the life of others all the time.

Phil, thanks for saying that.

An emotional affair means you rely on someone else more. You're emotionally intimate with them the way you would be with your spouse or partner.

omg I'm an emotion pimp! (well not really considering I'm neither a man sized vagina nor an emotional tampon)

Wilgrove needs to get laid:)

Maybe Wilgrove is the guy the woman is having an emotional relationship with ?

It's a rather signifigant detail, I'd be surprised if he didn't mention that. Well, if that's the case, then how could he possibly have honorable intentions in telling? He chose to cross a boundry, now he wants to tell (going on the assumption that it's him)? It means he'd be doing this for some kind of twisted revenge or punishment of the girl.

and what the hell does that mean "emotionally intimate"?

Well, you know what intimacy is?
And you know what emotions are?

...

Nevermind. Someone explain to NA in legal terms this concept.

You shouldn't tell. Affairs of the heart are not worth telling about, people will get hurt for no reason. Plus if its purely romantic I'd be struck by how sweet it was and forget there was someone going to get hurt!

For a good example of emotion affairs, see Brief Encounter.

ummm...well my opinion on this matter is a strict...huh? I understand whats going on but does it really matter, let the bitch do what she does then when the two break up come up to the guy and tell him that she was a bitch and he deserved better anyway, if he cries about it then leave him on his own cause that whiny bitch himself needs to have an emotional affair or something...fucken emo's with their damn crying about nothing...

ummm...well my opinion on this matter is a strict...huh? I understand whats going on but does it really matter, let the bitch do what she does then when the two break up come up to the guy and tell him that she was a bitch and he deserved better anyway, if he cries about it then leave him on his own cause that whiny bitch himself needs to have an emotional affair or something...fucken emo's with their damn crying about nothing...

You only managed to use 'bitch' three times in this great (is in long, not good) run-on sentence. I'm disappointed in you.