NationStates Jolt Archive

Simple question: How do you deal with the immediate aftermath of a breakup? I'm not talking a long-term plan, I'm talking you broke up with the person you love two days ago. What do you do to get yourself through it? Poll to follow.

What do you do to get yourself through it?

I found that a two to three month period of heavy drinking and ignoring most of my obligations, coupled with the support of a few close friends, worked wonders.

Heavy drinking can lead to liver damage, brain deterioration, digestive problems, unwanted pregnancy, poor fashion sense, and an inability to discern between sarcasm and sincerity. Undergo this course of action at your own risk.

Simple question: How do you deal with the immediate aftermath of a breakup? I'm not talking a long-term plan, I'm talking you broke up with the person you love two days ago. What do you do to get yourself through it? Poll to follow.*consoles*
Keep in mind who you were before you hooked up. Keep in mind the best things you found out about yourself from the relationship, and how you see others. Work on something that you didn't have time/energy/devotion to when you were in the relationship.
Watch some movies that you liked/loved before the relationship (if that's an option), although music is different for some reason i can't quite figure right now.

Actually, I tend to feel pretty good after a breakup. One night of drinking and fun can usually wipe away the short term symptoms.

It's the long-term consequences that seem to get me. Like breaking up with a girl, and then finding myself 3 months later with no play and wondering why I did something so idiotic, etc. But, that might be less of a consequence of the breaking up and more a result of my inability to form a relationship.

You know, being me, it's hard for me to think of a non-destructive method when you use the term "immediate". It kinda depends on the terms of the breakup, i guess. I had three bad ones, one very bad one, one disappointing one, one strange one (well two), one good one, and i'm not sure i can really qualify so many more of them as breakups, persay.
I tend to yell/sing, play Dr. Mario, read (a lot), and walk around/hike. GTA helps sometimes too, i guess.
Freeform writing could help, it certainly did once or twice for me.

I spend my time calling them at 2am drunk as a fish, begging for them to have me back :(

Nah, generally I'll just continue on. Spend more time in touch with my close friends.

Murder her pets and desecrate the carcasses? I dunno. I heard that helps.

*consoles*

Thanks. :) I tried very hard not to make this my blog.

A "Dude, That Fucking Sucks" party. Gather friends and well wishers, copious amounts of intoxicants, every once and a while toast to the fact that, "Dude, that fucking sucks." Hopefully one of your friends does something really odd like hook up with a chick even though it's totally out of his character, and start the steady process of moving on.

I found that a two to three month period of heavy drinking and ignoring most of my obligations, coupled with the support of a few close friends, worked wonders.

Well, I'm a teacher and school did end today, so I guess that's an option...

Actually, I tend to feel pretty good after a breakup. One night of drinking and fun can usually wipe away the short term symptoms.

Somehow I don't think one night of drinking is going to wipe away five years. :( Maybe I need to be worse at committing?

You know, being me, it's hard for me to think of a non-destructive method when you use the term "immediate". It kinda depends on the terms of the breakup, i guess. I had three bad ones, one very bad one, one disappointing one, one strange one (well two), one good one, and i'm not sure i can really qualify so many more of them as breakups, persay.
I tend to yell/sing, play Dr. Mario, read (a lot), and walk around/hike. GTA helps sometimes too, i guess.
Freeform writing could help, it certainly did once or twice for me.

I guess you could classify this somewhere between very bad and strange. Yelling and singing is good, and hiking would be good too, assuming I have to leave the house at some point. GTA is no good because my ex's company makes the game. :(

I spend my time calling them at 2am drunk as a fish, begging for them to have me back :(

Nah, generally I'll just continue on. Spend more time in touch with my close friends.

I've kept the phone very far from the bottle for this reason.

Murder her pets and desecrate the carcasses? I dunno. I heard that helps.With advice like that it truly is perplexing that you don't consider yourself a better lover. Especially the "desecrate" part, in context.

I can see myself downing a bottle of Duvel in about a minute and a half (or less), having a few jager bombs, turning up the Husker Du, and sitting back (drunkenly) with my inner circle, all in a somewhat pathetic attempt to ease pain that is not to be eased.

Somehow I don't think one night of drinking is going to wipe away five years. :( Maybe I need to be worse at committing?


You're not going to wipe away five years, you wouldn't want to anyway. I'm talking about getting through it, that's all.

People are surprisingly resilient. The good news is you don't need to really think about how you'll get through it to get through it - existence and time alone will guarantee you get "through." But the drinking makes it less unpleasant!

Thanks. :) You're welcome. *bows*
I tried very hard not to make this my blog.
No worries. You have a legit circumstance, and a legit question. Very few threads are ever particularly impartial.

I guess you could classify this somewhere between very bad and strange.Sorry. Having to split the two really does tell me a lot, indeed. :(
Yelling and singing is good, and hiking would be good too, assuming I have to leave the house at some point. GTA is no good because my ex's company makes the game.:eek: *slaps self*
When i say i'm a lucky guesser, i don't necessarily mean "good" luck. :(
Hopefully one of your friends does something really odd like hook up with a chick even though it's totally out of his character, and start the steady process of moving on.Having seen just exactly that, it *does* actually help somewhat to put a spin on perspective.

Simple question: How do you deal with the immediate aftermath of a breakup? I'm not talking a long-term plan, I'm talking you broke up with the person you love two days ago. What do you do to get yourself through it? Poll to follow.

Wait... if I break up with them... what do I need to get over?

I answered the question assuming you meant I was the breakee, and I answered "Other".

A couple years ago, when my fiancee decided she didn't want to marry me (4 months prior to the Wedding) after a 3.5 yr relationship I spent a lot of time in prayer. A lot of time sobbing, and trying not to be utterly annihilated... but what I did by intent was to prayer... and it's probably the only reason I have become a funtioning person today.

I maintain, though, that if I am the breaker, I shouldn't have anything to get over, as I must've gotten over already, to desire such a seperation.

Having seen just exactly that, it *does* actually help somewhat to put a spin on perspective.

Extra points if the friend in question was so plastered that he doesn't remember it and gets to find out when that chick walks up a day or so later and he wonders why everyone has a slight smirk on their face.

Wait, you're a chick in the Bay Area? You should find some slacker, perhaps with a magnificent goatee and a penchant for VWs and ravish him. I think that would help you move on.*



*Do not do this. The crying that will follow immediately when you realize what you've sunk to when you look at the pasty bastard you just had your way with will only make things worse for both parties, plus the slacker's girlfriend will strongly object. It's the internet. The slacker apologizes to both you and his girlfriend.

probably the only reason I have become a funtioning person today...without a functioning spellchecker! :eek:
*sobs*
j/k, interesting post.

Extra points if the friend in question was so plastered that he doesn't remember it and gets to find out when that chick walks up a day or so later and he wonders why everyone has a slight smirk on their face.They didn't, they just didn't spend much time talking about it. They complained about crabs later though, either through the event or because of having gotten them just before the event, as if i was sympathetic or something. :rolleyes:

Wait, you're a chick in the Bay Area? :eek:
Hey! Manners!
HOT, INTELLIGENT chick! *slaps knuckles*

I doubt I could be able to call anything a 'relationship', since its hard for me to genuinely love someone in that way. If someone breaks up with me, I don't really feel much, since I'm a loner at heart and such things don't really bother me; unless of course she ends up going with someone who treats her badly. Though I generally assume that she'll end up with someone who will spend more time with her and like it. As long as we just clear things up about it really being over, I just walk off and forget about it.

I'm 22, and have yet to ever meet anyone who I would want to spend more time with than my actual hobbies. I'm sorta confident theres someone like that out there, but in the end its not too important to me.

Usually there's a happy medium to be struck between enshrining everything of yours she ever touched, stalking her, taking photos and rummaging through her garbage, kidnapping and leaving her new boyfriend tied up in the desert for the coyotes or gathering everything that had any meaning to the two of you, setting it on fire, pissing on the ashes, forming the sodden ashes into a ball and hurling it at her car.

Consider choosing one keepsake and smashing the rest with a sledgehammer as you and your friends get drunk during a Monty Python movie marathon. *nod*

Murder her pets and desecrate the carcasses? I dunno. I heard that helps.

Hee. It made me giggle, at least.

A "Dude, That Fucking Sucks" party. Gather friends and well wishers, copious amounts of intoxicants, every once and a while toast to the fact that, "Dude, that fucking sucks." Hopefully one of your friends does something really odd like hook up with a chick even though it's totally out of his character, and start the steady process of moving on.

This is an excellent idea, actually. I have a (lesbian) friend who really needs to hook up with someone and the aftermath WOULD be hilarious!

I can see myself downing a bottle of Duvel in about a minute and a half (or less), having a few jager bombs, turning up the Husker Du, and sitting back (drunkenly) with my inner circle, all in a somewhat pathetic attempt to ease pain that is not to be eased.

Damn it, see, you came to the ultimate conclusion I did: that it's all a hopeless bid anyway. :(

I maintain, though, that if I am the breaker, I shouldn't have anything to get over, as I must've gotten over already, to desire such a seperation.

I guess the wording was a little funny. It was a mutual breakup... which is always just WEIRD.


Wait, you're a chick in the Bay Area? You should find some slacker, perhaps with a magnificent goatee and a penchant for VWs and ravish him. I think that would help you move on.*

That is an eerie description of my first high school boyfriend.

*Do not do this. The crying that will follow immediately when you realize what you've sunk to when you look at the pasty bastard you just had your way with will only make things worse for both parties, plus the slacker's girlfriend will strongly object. It's the internet. The slacker apologizes to both you and his girlfriend.

The slacker is recognized by his own kind and forgiven. Forgiveness from the girlfriend cannot be guaranteed. :P

:eek:
Hey! Manners!
HOT, INTELLIGENT chick! *slaps knuckles*

Awwww. Smooth. :p

I'm 22, and have yet to ever meet anyone who I would want to spend more time with than my actual hobbies. I'm sorta confident theres someone like that out there, but in the end its not too important to me.

I felt the same way for a long time, until I actually found someone who liked almost all my hobbies, or at least understood them and had equally geeky counterpart hobbies. The last vacation we went on, admittedly the best vacation ever for both of us, consisted of watching baseball, eating cheeseburgers every day, a Star Wars marathon in our hotel room WITH cheeseburgers, lots of sex, and making up wildly improbable stories about the guy who worked the front desk, who we affectionately dubbed "Kevin the Chalet Pimp". I don't know how I could find that combination of interests again.

Usually there's a happy medium to be struck between enshrining everything of yours she ever touched, stalking her, taking photos and rummaging through her garbage, kidnapping and leaving her new boyfriend tied up in the desert for the coyotes or gathering everything that had any meaning to the two of you, setting it on fire, pissing on the ashes, forming the sodden ashes into a ball and hurling it at her car.

Consider choosing one keepsake and smashing the rest with a sledgehammer as you and your friends get drunk during a Monty Python movie marathon. *nod*

Well, it definitely won't be the latter, as I have no anger toward him whatsoever, which is kind of part of the problem, I think. Those are good suggestions, though; I know I'm holding on to more stuff than I should, and Monty Python cures many ills.

Awwww. Smooth. :p Well, it's true, of course .... but admittedly, my ulterior motive was to smack him with a ruler. I've owed him that since Hakim Bey. :p
I don't know how I could find that combination of interests again.Even on teh interwebz? o.9

Monty Python cures many ills.Quite sage. *bows*

Damn it, see, you came to the ultimate conclusion I did: that it's all a hopeless bid anyway. :(

It's five years' worth of memories. Not everything in life has to feel good.

Sometimes, you need some sorrow to brighten your perspective.

This is an excellent idea, actually. I have a (lesbian) friend who really needs to hook up with someone and the aftermath WOULD be hilarious!
Excellent. In the age of camera phones I can only imagine that the entertainment level would increase several fold, especially the "You guys are fucking with me. I'd remember that..." part of the conversation.

The slacker is recognized by his own kind and forgiven. Forgiveness from the girlfriend cannot be guaranteed. :P
My plan is to distract her with pictures of bunnies and kittens from the internet. This probably won't work, but it's important to have a plan.


Damn it, see, you came to the ultimate conclusion I did: that it's all a hopeless bid anyway. :(

I felt the same way for a long time, until I actually found someone who liked almost all my hobbies, or at least understood them and had equally geeky counterpart hobbies. The last vacation we went on, admittedly the best vacation ever for both of us, consisted of watching baseball, eating cheeseburgers every day, a Star Wars marathon in our hotel room WITH cheeseburgers, lots of sex, and making up wildly improbable stories about the guy who worked the front desk, who we affectionately dubbed "Kevin the Chalet Pimp". I don't know how I could find that combination of interests again.
.

Okay, two things-if you think there is a shortage of dudes who like cheeseburgers, baseball, and Star Wars you have been with dude too long. I think if you talk to enough chicks you'll find them complaining that they can't find a guy who doesn't like cheese burgers, baseball, Star Wars, and lots of sex. Seriously. To find a dude with that criteria you need only step out on a porch with a dinner bell and yell, "Come an' get it!" No doubt there was more, more subtle and intimate things that attracted you to him, I'm just sayin'...

Second, and more seriously, you haven't lost anything. I know, that seems counter-intuitive-surely, you're thinking, I've lost the ability to be with dude, but, as it turns out, that had a finite existence to it. You decided to break up, and you don't do that for no reason. Your relationship has run its course, but what you have gained is five years of memories, of feelings, of good times, of being lifted up and of lifting someone up. You went in one end and came out the other a better person (this happens most of the time, even if the relationship sucked because then at least you know not to do that again...). You had five years of good times that no one will be able to replicate, not for him and not for you. They are special and unique to the two of you. You'll in all likelyhood move on eventually to have a whole new set of awesome with someone else and that in part will be built on the five years of awesome you just got through.

Think of it like when your parents would take you to the neighborhood pool, or the amusement park. At the end of the day when you have to get out or go home, you're not losing the pool or the park, it's just time for that part to come to an end. Yeah, it's a bummer that the following day will be lacking in games of Marco Polo or roller coasters, but they're not filling in the pools or tearing down Great America-and maybe one day they'll put rides in Marine World/Africa USA, and then it's rides and a vaguely entertaining animal show. It's all good.

I've come out of a 4 year relationship just two months ago - though it may turn out to be a hiatus, though maybe I'm still just holding hope - so here's what I did, may not be relevant to you.

I took a holiday, I gave myself a little something to look forward to as well as something to take my mind off things. I didn't want to go to a beach, or anywhere romantic, so I went to visit some old friends, people I hadn't seen for a few years.

Essentially I wanted to get away from where I live for a while with friends who weren't overly concerned with the relationship.

It was great catching up, it was nice to get out of the city, it was a deserved break and I recommend it.

Anyway, whatever works for you,

In the short run, I generally compile a CD with songs that illustrate how I felt before the breakup, how I feel because of the breakup, and finally how I hope to feel when I'm getting better or over it. It'll usually be a couple anxious songs in the beginning, a couple deeply sad, angry, and hurt songs in the middle, and a couple "stand up when you're down" songs in the end. The most important thing, though, is getting your hands on time and distance, the only two things that will help in the long run.

I get through a relationship breakup the same way I get through all bad news - I cry a lot, watch DVDs and stuff my face with food.

Simple question: How do you deal with the immediate aftermath of a breakup? I'm not talking a long-term plan, I'm talking you broke up with the person you love two days ago. What do you do to get yourself through it? Poll to follow.

Personally, I find distraction works best.
I can't cope with the whole thing in one go, it would be overwhelming. So I tend to go out a lot, see friends a lot, and get flirting and dating again as soon as possible.

I find that this way, I can deal with the breakup bit by bit, rather than all at once. I'll work up things in bite-size.

Simple question: How do you deal with the immediate aftermath of a breakup? I'm not talking a long-term plan, I'm talking you broke up with the person you love two days ago. What do you do to get yourself through it? Poll to follow.

I committ the mistake of throwing myself into work. Not a healthy alternative, but it distracts me until I feel I'm strong enough in a sense to deal with the aftermath of a break-up. Then I cry myself to sleep and eat ice cream (not joking) and slowly it becomes kinda ok again.

Playing the piano helps me immensely, although I'm sure my neighbors hate me for it. A Bössendorfer, being pounded away with anger, at say 3 am isn't fun when you're trying to sleep.:p

Simple question: How do you deal with the immediate aftermath of a breakup? I'm not talking a long-term plan, I'm talking you broke up with the person you love two days ago. What do you do to get yourself through it? Poll to follow.
For the first couple hours, some obligatory smoking and drinking. Not because I need it, just because it's a common tradition, and I'm a bit superstitious, so I try to keep it up.

Then I realize how much problems I had there, and that love sucks balls anyway, and get over it.
Day two, get some one-night fuck if feeling like that.

Next two or more months: Enjoy the free life. Not grieve, just enjoy having no obligations of the sort.

---

Pretty much the only one of my problem with love-type relationship is that I never got them in appropriate situations. I mean, it would be nice and clean to fall in love with someone met in a night club, after a few dates, and so and so on.
Unfortunately, it always happens with people I have contacts with in another quality. And then dealing with break-up is harder.
Fortunately, I never had a dramatic breakup. All times the reason was along the lines of "You just don't care about me!", and I can't really call that a lie.


Also fortunately, eventually I've realized that love-style stuff is only a problem in relationship. Me and my (if I can still call her so) girlfriend can confidently say we never loved each other and never will. That's great, and that's why our relationship lasts well for 3 whole years so far.

Simple question: How do you deal with the immediate aftermath of a breakup? I'm not talking a long-term plan, I'm talking you broke up with the person you love two days ago. What do you do to get yourself through it? Poll to follow.

Beer!

Well i know if i broke up with my partner (together for two years now) id be devasted. So i'd probably drink a lot. I dont have many close friends here in Melbourne, they are all in Sydney so its hard for me to really talk to anyone about it and get my mind off it. But even so, i find friends help. Get drunk have a girls/boys night out or two, or three :) Have a fun week then once youve gotten past that stage it will probably sink in a bit more. Just occupy your time with stuff you enjoy doing. Keep your mind off it and if that doesnt help keep having fun. Dont dwell on things you could have said should have said. Think of the good times and the good stuff. And if it wasnt meant ot be it wasnt meant to be. It really also depends on why you broke up as well. If it was a bad situation and there was no other choice but to move on ...then i guess try and get over it (easier said then done i know). If you left on mutal terms..try and stay in contact if you are wanting to keep that person in your life still. As i said..it really depends ont he why's and how's. But keep busy and dont get too caught up in it otherwise it will just bring you down.

(This is a subject im very familiar with. Unfortunately :) so if you need to talk to anyone....just come find me :D Hope it helps )

I normally give myself one night to party drink and get wasted.

after that I find something to do keep my mind off of things.

I took up swing dancing last break up. It was fun and the people you meet keeps you social.

Also hang out with your core friends.

Over all though i think I drink less during the break up period.

Also it is important to work out during a break up period.
Takes your mind off things and with the sudden decrease in activity you need ,to work out, to stay in shape.