NationStates Jolt Archive

What do you think of them? Are they unnecessary in today’s society of liquor and casual sex? What are your experiences (and stories) to do with apologizing?



CTP emotional-but-in-a-unique-way-not-like-those-posers blog blog:

To set the scene this was at a drunken gathering around a 3rd party’s house with best friend and her man-candy of 2 years. Now all is going well as there was Lego etc until…

Man-candy starts a self-pity rant on how his family had to save up to buy a car as a child and how he only got Ribena when he was sick (WTF indeed). The natural reaction is to introduce lady sarcasm around the room about how easy we had it as a child e.g. I never had to walk to school as a child I had a solid gold chariot for that, I never got handed down clothes as a child only designer etc etc

Now fast-forward to the morning after where bestfreind and I are cooking noodles for everyone, he has woken up and is dicking about on a laptop and all is well until…

He strolls in and asks if you can get the copy and paste from before you last clicked copy back (lol wut indeed) to which I replied, “Windows wasn’t made for retards LOL”. He just sort of disappears before later storming off telling us all to leave him alone

Now apparently I have done something wrong here and should apologise/be extra nice but should I? Or should I just follow my natural instinct and balls to a guy who cannot take a joke?

I apologize a whole lot, but if they're a jerk, they can forget it.

I apologize a whole lot, but if they're a jerk, they can forget it.

what about apologizing for the greater good?

I'll apologise if i think i have done something that has caused a problem for another person.
So im a 20 a day guy...

AMK
xxx

I'll apologise if i think i have done something that has caused a problem for another person.
So im a 20 a day guy...

you caused the problem of not directly transmitting this to my brain, instead you had me read it which I could only do after years of learning :mad::p

Man-candy starts a self-pity rant on how his family had to save up to buy a car as a child

Surely not!

“Windows wasn’t made for retards LOL”.

If you actually said lol rather than merely laughing out loud then yes, you should apologise.

Surely not!

can you imagine growing up in such poverty? I bet he didn't even have showers with a limitless supply of hot water!

If you actually said lol rather than merely laughing out loud then yes, you should apologise.

I was drunk and one thing led to another >.>

My opinion?

You should apologise

appologies are a step in the right direction, when someone has made what is legitimately an error in judgement or action. but for forgiveness to be meaningful, the offending behavior needs to have stoped, as near preminently as us fallable creatures can dicipline our individual selves for it to have.

=^^=
.../\...

you caused the problem of not directly transmitting this to my brain, instead you had me read it which I could only do after years of learning :mad::p

I'm sorry you are lazy and stupid. ;) :p

AMK
xxx

I was drunk and one thing led to another >.>

It's not an excuse for being a **** to someone, repeatedly.

If it's really your best friend, and this is her boyfriend, then just be nice where you can for your best friend alone.

Making her feel uncomfortable, even if she's not showing it, isn't so friendly, its called jealousy.

Not that I know bugger all about the situation so my advice is...salty, a grain of it at least.

Since you don't seem to have a high opinion of that guy (correct me if I'm wrong), I'm wondering if you would actually mean it if you apologized. Still it's probably the best thing to do, if only to keep the peace. People have fragile egos these days.

aggressiveness is the most harmful and distructive force in all of existence. what the op needs isn't JUST to appologise, but to get itself a conscience.

empaired judgement is not an excuse for anything, not unless it is completly nonvolintary, like if you're hogtied and someone shoots you up with something.

=^^=
.../\...

what about apologizing for the greater good?

*Shrugs*

What do you think of them?
I apologise for mistakes. I'll also apologise on behalf of my blunt nature, since often the way I say things can be an unnecessary cause of harm. But I don't just apologise for causing offense. I usually do mean what I say, and there's no good in apologising for something that was intended to be a positive criticism except to try to make up for poor delivery.

“Windows wasn’t made for retards LOL”.
You were a dick. Sorry for the directness, but you really were. That was arrogant, insulting and completely contextually inappropriate in one fell swoop. And the fact that you're not even sure whether or not you should apologise makes me wonder whether this wasn't a one-off thing.

Okay, my opinion? Apologise.
A joke isn't funny if only you think it is. When I read your replies, it just sounds like you're being a total jackass to the guy. Okay, so perhaps it's a dumb question (The copy/paste et all) but you don't have to call the guy retarded.
I'll admit I probably would have been sarcastic when he moaned about being 'deprived' as a kid, but with the intention of *including* him in the joke, not making him out to be an object of ridicule.

But in saying that, I'd apologise because I wouldn't think that what I'd done was fair. You seem to think that it was fine to treat someone like that. So don't apologise if you don't mean it, it's just more of an insult to everyone.

You should apologise

I suppose but an outright apology followed by treating someone with kids gloves seems somehow unfair if they can't take the funny every now and again

SNIP

your this coherent on a Monday morning how?

It's not an excuse for being a **** to someone, repeatedly.

I wouldn't say its particularly cuntish this is how I act to all people:)

If it's really your best friend, and this is her boyfriend, then just be nice where you can for your best friend alone.

this would be my immediate thought however the formality of apologizing is a tad extreme

Making her feel uncomfortable, even if she's not showing it, isn't so friendly, its called jealousy.

expand on this

Since you don't seem to have a high opinion of that guy (correct me if I'm wrong), I'm wondering if you would actually mean it if you apologized. Still it's probably the best thing to do, if only to keep the peace. People have fragile egos these days.

of course I don't hold a high opinion of him but if I asked for an apology every time fun was poked I would never get out of the house

aggressiveness is the most harmful and distructive force in all of existence. what the op needs isn't JUST to appologise, but to get itself a conscience.

surely social decorum would be more on the table?

I have to ask; Did you actually want our real opinions on this?
It seems like you just wanted us to tell you that you're funny/right/shouldn't apologise. Your original post phrased everything as a joky situation, and then when people pointed out why they would apologise in the same situation, or what they felt was off about the situation, you rebutted every point.
Did you actually want advice or just a large collection of sycophants to tell you that what ever you've chosen is right?
If you've already decided not to apologise (which it certianly feels like), don't ask if you should or not.

I have to ask; Did you actually want our real opinions on this?

of course not this is the internet

It seems like you just wanted us to tell you that you're funny/right/shouldn't apologise.

actually I wanted NS to tell me off and to go cry like an emo kid

Your original post phrased everything as a joky situation, and then when people pointed out why they would apologise in the same situation, or what they felt was off about the situation, you rebutted every point.

well you can't expect me to not argue can you?

What do you think of them? Are they unnecessary in today’s society of liquor and casual sex? What are your experiences (and stories) to do with apologizing?

The best apology comes with the next breath.

And ... one should never demand an apology. As soon as you put something on the table ("I will never talk to you again until I have an apology" ... and so on) the apology becomes worthless.

An apology is offered humbly. And the humility is voluntary, else bogus.

CTP emotional-but-in-a-unique-way-not-like-those-posers blog blog:

Oh shut up.

To set the scene this was at a drunken gathering around a 3rd party’s house with best friend and her man-candy of 2 years. Now all is going well as there was Lego etc until…

Man-candy starts a self-pity rant on how his family had to save up to buy a car as a child and how he only got Ribena when he was sick (WTF indeed). The natural reaction is to introduce lady sarcasm around the room about how easy we had it as a child e.g. I never had to walk to school as a child I had a solid gold chariot for that, I never got handed down clothes as a child only designer etc etc

Lady sarcasm, huh? Nasty stuff by the sound of it.

Now fast-forward to the morning after where bestfreind and I are cooking noodles for everyone, he has woken up and is dicking about on a laptop and all is well until…

He strolls in and asks if you can get the copy and paste from before you last clicked copy back (lol wut indeed) to which I replied, “Windows wasn’t made for retards LOL”. He just sort of disappears before later storming off telling us all to leave him alone

Everything you need to know is right there. You simply need to look at it from all possible points of view. Of which I can specify: yours; bestfriends; man-candy.

(What guy could resist being describes as a woman's confectionery, btw? Suck me anytime.)

On a more nerdy note, the need for a copy-and-paste buffer more than one item deep was noted several decades ago, and addressed in Emacs.

Now apparently I have done something wrong here and should apologise/be extra nice but should I? Or should I just follow my natural instinct and balls to a guy who cannot take a joke?

Both FTW.

Apologize profusely and at expense to yourself. With a carefully chosen gift ... the best imaginable gift without hint of irony, but of course within sensible budget (say 20 whatever-your-currency-is-es.)

The message: "you don't know me. My excellence is beyond your comprehension ... yet I am humble ... and I am apologizing with this bouquet of catnip for the cat I would know if you had, if I knew you at all."

Or less arrogant than that, at your discretion.

To reply more generally to the thread question:

Apology is the first refuge of the rogue. To the person of means, it is an admission of failure. If they have means, they make it right first, then offer apology.

If you have done wrong, make it right and waste not a word.

Lady sarcasm, huh? Nasty stuff by the sound of it.

I was tempted to make a thread on the topic it was gold

On a more nerdy note, the need for a copy-and-paste buffer more than one item deep was noted several decades ago, and addressed in Emacs.

I usually use Control C (http://www.controlc.com/index.php) myself...even if it just goes porn, porn, cooking recipes ;)

Apologize profusely and at expense to yourself. With a carefully chosen gift ... the best imaginable gift without hint of irony, but of course within sensible budget (say 20 whatever-your-currency-is-es.)

The message: "you don't know me. My excellence is beyond your comprehension ... yet I am humble ... and I am apologizing with this bouquet of catnip for the cat I would know if you had, if I knew you at all."

Or less arrogant than that, at your discretion.

£20? do you have no concept of inflation! :p

also I like the idea of being arrogant through card form

It's not an excuse for being a **** to someone, repeatedly.

*faints*

*faints*

You never, in your angelic wanderings, left a **** behind somewhere?

Angels should have many cunts and many cocks, and they should be very lax in requisitioning them. Even one or two lone-wolf genitals could bring a great deal of happiness to the human race.

Or perhaps you are not that kind of Angel. :(

-Snip-
The thing is, you weren't poking fun at him for general good humour. You were poking fun at him for a cheap personal giggle. That's the line between having a bit of banter and being a dick, and you were definitely on the wrong side of that line, no matter how you look at it.

also I like the idea of being arrogant through card form

Translate please.

The thing is, you weren't poking fun at him for general good humour. You were poking fun at him for a cheap personal giggle. That's the line between having a bit of banter and being a dick, and you were definitely on the wrong side of that line, no matter how you look at it.

I look at it this way: Call to Power was a bit of a dick but didn't realize it. Thereby losing authorship over a bit of CtP dick ... meaning ...

FREE DICK!

*grabs, fries, eats*

I look at it this way: Call to Power was a bit of a dick but didn't realize it. Thereby losing authorship over a bit of CtP dick ... meaning ...

FREE DICK!

*grabs, fries, eats*
How's it taste?

How's it taste?
Kinda boney. Tasty, for sure ... but more like tail than real meat.

On a more nerdy note, the need for a copy-and-paste buffer more than one item deep was noted several decades ago, and addressed in Emacs.



*nods*

Windows has 'clipboard' now I believe.

What do you think of them? Are they unnecessary in today’s society of liquor and casual sex? What are your experiences (and stories) to do with apologizing?



CTP emotional-but-in-a-unique-way-not-like-those-posers blog blog:

To set the scene this was at a drunken gathering around a 3rd party’s house with best friend and her man-candy of 2 years. Now all is going well as there was Lego etc until…

Man-candy starts a self-pity rant on how his family had to save up to buy a car as a child and how he only got Ribena when he was sick (WTF indeed). The natural reaction is to introduce lady sarcasm around the room about how easy we had it as a child e.g. I never had to walk to school as a child I had a solid gold chariot for that, I never got handed down clothes as a child only designer etc etc

Now fast-forward to the morning after where bestfreind and I are cooking noodles for everyone, he has woken up and is dicking about on a laptop and all is well until…

He strolls in and asks if you can get the copy and paste from before you last clicked copy back (lol wut indeed) to which I replied, “Windows wasn’t made for retards LOL”. He just sort of disappears before later storming off telling us all to leave him alone

Now apparently I have done something wrong here and should apologise/be extra nice but should I? Or should I just follow my natural instinct and balls to a guy who cannot take a joke?

nah, he'll get over it. he was just feeling stupid and grumpy.

if you want to be NICE you can say "no you cant recapture the copy from before this last copy" the next time you see him. (you cant, right? if you can, ill be glad to be called a retard for the secret of how to do it)

i try to apologize when ive been wrong or have been taken wrong. "oh im sorry i didnt mean to call you a moron, i just meant that windows can be hard to figure out sometimes" but i seldom apologize if its been a while since the offense. if its brought up again that i was a dick, ill admit that i was wrong but i seldom say "im sorry".

learning to apologize when youve been wrong is a good thing. its a skill whose advantages cant be over emphasized. it smoothes out all sorts of difficult social interactions and defuses lots of volitile situations.

My opinion - if you took the time to write about this rather then actually going and apologizing, you arent going to apologise because you would have already done it.

From what i read about what happened, to me it doesnt seem like that big a deal. But to him, it might be, i dont know.

Maybe next time you see him ask him if you have said/done anything wrong then wait for an answer. As none of us can really tell what the situation was completely about and how he actually reacted etc its hard to tell you to do one or the other. I guess if you feel like saying sorry, do it..if not. Dont bother. UNLESS of course you know you did something wrong and you want ot make it right, then by all means go for it. Its pretty simple really. :)

That it's too late to apologize
It's too late
:(

what about apologizing for the greater good?Oh fine, I apologize for contributing to the greater good, but I'm not taking responsibility for the whole thing.
*kicks a puppy* ;)

I don't understand what's so complicated about speaking to the guy and explaining that you meant no personal offence?

this would be my immediate thought however the formality of apologizing is a tad extreme



I don't really understand this - the formality of "sorry if I was a bit of an ass the other morning"?

The guy asks an innocent question, and you react by calling him a retard?

Yes, you should apologize.

Typically a joke like that is only a good idea with someone whom you know well enough that either A)You know they can take it or B)They'll know you don't mean anything by it.

So an apology would be appropriate.

In general though, too many people these days don't know how to take an apology. An apology used to be a way of admitting wrong so that it could be put behind one and forgotten.

Now, an apology is taken as an admission of guilt and an invitation for attack. People want their pound of flesh, I guess.

"Never apologize, son. It's a sign of weakness."

nah, he'll get over it. he was just feeling stupid and grumpy.

if you want to be NICE you can say "no you cant recapture the copy from before this last copy" the next time you see him. (you cant, right? if you can, ill be glad to be called a retard for the secret of how to do it)

i try to apologize when ive been wrong or have been taken wrong. "oh im sorry i didnt mean to call you a moron, i just meant that windows can be hard to figure out sometimes" but i seldom apologize if its been a while since the offense. if its brought up again that i was a dick, ill admit that i was wrong but i seldom say "im sorry".

learning to apologize when youve been wrong is a good thing. its a skill whose advantages cant be over emphasized. it smoothes out all sorts of difficult social interactions and defuses lots of volitile situations.

I have a similar sense of humor as CTP so I often apologize for not stating that in the first place.

"I'm sorry if I offended you earlier, like 90% of the time I say shit I don't mean, so like don't pay attention to it"

I would like to apologize now for my biceps, as they will put shame to all of you.

NOOOTTTT!

"Never apologize, son. It's a sign of weakness."Of course, not being able to afford to show signs of weakness is a sign of weakness as well. A strong person can afford to apologize.

Typically a joke like that is only a good idea with someone whom you know well enough that either A)You know they can take it or B)They'll know you don't mean anything by it.

So an apology would be appropriate.


That's pretty much my opinion, as well. My close friends and I say horrible things to each other all the time and laugh about it. However, I wouldn't dare joke in the same way with someone who didn't know me well.

I wouldn't say its particularly cuntish this is how I act to all people:)


Ah. I see. So, in other words, you weren't just being a ****, you are always a ****?

I have a similar sense of humor as CTP so I often apologize for not stating that in the first place.

"I'm sorry if I offended you earlier, like 90% of the time I say shit I don't mean, so like don't pay attention to it"

id certainly recommend that if the guy still seemed a bit miffed over it the next time ctp sees him. likelihood is that he will have forgotten it or gotten over it. but if not, its good to say something like that.

You shouldn't apologize, even though you were definitely in the wrong when he asked you a simple question, and you decided to respond in an arrogant, rude manner.
You seem to have serious problems with this guy, and so any apology would be insincere and meaningless, and there are enough meaningless "I'm sowwie"'s wasting the world's collective patience.

What do you think of them? Are they unnecessary in today’s society of liquor and casual sex? What are your experiences (and stories) to do with apologizing?
As an English Gentleman, they're my number one tool to influence people. Hence I love them.

As an English Gentleman, they're my number one tool to influence people. Hence I love them.

Sounds like "death by backstabbing" to me.

Anyhow, anytime I find that I have offended someone, I try and see what I have done wrong. If I have done something wrong (99% of these times), then yes, I apologize, if only to be able to say I don't mean to be a jackass.

OP's situation:
-Called someone a retard.

You have done something wrong, hence the need for an apology.

Sounds like "death by backstabbing" to me.
Damn right. Sorry, but I had to, etc.

Damn right. Sorry, but I had to, etc.

lol, and all that ensues.

well Call to Power?
what have you done now then?
I wants a speaking session.

what have you done now then?

wouldn't you like to know!

also what I have done today in terms of work:

http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/7/omfgdx6.png

wouldn't you like to know!

also what I have done today in terms of work:

http://img242.imageshack.us/img242/7/omfgdx6.png

ROFLAMAO!
neat.
I finished my exams....YAY!