NationStates Jolt Archive

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else), waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!

Cue Fass-rant.

Cue Fass-rant.

Could you please elaborate?

My Elaboration: NationStates is not your blog.

So what if you come home and find two dudes making out?

Do you have a problem with all the women you know hitting on you?

What exactly is the threat to your safety?

He's a dude into other dudes. The only way this really affects you is if you also are into dudes, because then you might be able to hook up. Other than that, nothing.

My Elaboration: NationStates is not your blog.

My apologies. I did not intend for this to sound blog-ish whatsoever and only wished to get some advice, perhaps from those who are more college-experienced or those who know more about life in general.

Could you please elaborate?

Fass is very opinionated about being gay.

My apologies. I did not intend for this to sound blog-ish whatsoever and only wished to get some advice, perhaps from those who are more college-experienced or those who know more about life in general.

The whole point of college and life in general is finding out how to deal with situations on your own. Only you can decide if you have a problem with it or not. The far left majority here will jump on you for even thinking of asking for a change, and the bible thumpers will chastise you for not asking right away. Just go with your gut. If it doesn't work out, you can usually get a change then.

The whole point of college and life in general is finding out how to deal with situations on your own.

Dealing with situations on your own also includes realizing that sometimes you need help and should ask for it. And anyways, that's not the point of college or life in general.

Honestly, ask yourself would this be the same if it were a woman?

If it was a woman and you weren't worried about getting attacked, hit on, or walk in on her and her boyfriend... then extend the same consideration to your new roomie.

Honestly, I doubt very much he'll hit on you, especially if you make it clear you like girls not guys. It's a very rare thing for ANY kind of homosexual to heterosexual sexual assault to happen, and as for finding two guys cuddled up together, this is something straight roomies have to work out, who gets to use the room for what and when. If you're uncomfortable with it, ask that he go elsewhere with his SO, just don't be surprised when he asks the same of you.

Keep him as a roommate. You shouldn't be afraid of being hit on by other men--it's completely harmless--but in any case it shouldn't happen if he knows you're straight. As for waking up to find two men having sex, you shouldn't be afraid of that either... but if it comes up for some reason and bothers you, I'm sure you can come to some reasonable arrangement.

I could be wrong, but the nature of the reasons you've given suggests to me that the problem here is really your personal discomfort with homosexuality. It's understandable that you feel that way--when it comes down to it, a great majority of people feel that way, whatever they say--but you shouldn't let it control your decisions. You've already shown you have the right instincts, in recognizing that you shouldn't treat him differently because of his sexual orientation. Carry them through. It's the right thing to do, and you'll probably emerge a better person because of it.

If it is going to make you uncomfortable then that is your call. You have a right to live somewhere without been uncomfortable.

However if you are uncomfortable to reasons like other men hitting on you and un-deserved predjudice against gay men, then that is not an excuse and indicates you need to grow up and overcome the fears. However, for his sake I would hope you find someone else to live with, as he does not need to get a hard time from his roommate.

As I see it personal safety is a reason. Not only physical safety, but social safety & wellbeing. I have experienced in the past been friends with gay men, other peoples prejudice. In a perfect world, you should be glad you're not friends with people who are so prejudices. However it is not a perfect world and it is not a nice feeling. It isolated me from many people that I would have liked to be friends with. (not nessacarily the ones giving me shit, but the ones that honestly didn't have a problem with it, but knew that if they were to associate with me they would have copped it aswell.)

As for living arrangements if he has a friend over, you will have to discuss it with him. If I lived with a room mate, gay or straight I would not want them bringing a friend around and going at it while I'm in the room. If I brought home a girl, I would not want them in the room either. Discuss that with him. (however, use tact) Best bet would be if you organise with him in advance if you want someone over and vice versa. Basically, aslong as you propose a plan such that you have equal rights, I can't see him having an issue with it. (or any other reasonable person)

Okay...here goes.


Your first concern...having a gay guy hit on you. Just because he is gay does not preculde him from standard male interactions. Treat him the same as any other friend. That is, if you hug your other male friends, there is no reason to not hug him. He will understand that you are off limits. He is not a predator just because he is gay. He will likely understand your boundaries. In my experience, it is a bigger issue for the straight guy than the gay guy (god forbid I appear gay if I hug my gay friend, despite the fact that I hug my straight friends. I can't go out to a movie with him because others will think I'm gay. etc.)

As for waking up to him with another dude. It's awkward no matter the gender of your roommate or their partner. A respectful roommate will ask you to leave or will go elsewhere. If he doesn't, he's rude. Regardless of sexuality. The only exception is if there is a pre-agreed upon situation where you can fuck in the room with the other one there. Go with what makes you comfortable.

Your biggest mistake will be to either a) not room with him or b) to treat him differently than your straight friends. There is no reason to worry. At all. That is pure prejudice. Understand it and push through it. That is what college is about.

He's a dude into other dudes. The only way this really affects you is if you also are into dudes, because then you might be able to hook up. Other than that, nothing.

This.

If you still feel a bit uncomfortable...
--make sure you both know when it is or is not acceptable to have SOs in the room. It's also not a bad idea to make sure that you both just knock before you enter the room so as to give each other (and any others in the room...) time to cover up or whatever.

-- be willing to leave the room for a while when he has guys over and they want privacy, and he can extend the same courtesy when you have girls over and you want privacy. Of course, make sure that this is within reason-- for example, if one of you needs to be studying or getting some rest for a major exam, then, well, tough luck, the other can get his privacy elsewhere (his SO's dorm, perhaps.)

-- in general, just be considerate. Use common sense and don't be a dick. Your roommate should do the same.

Notice that these things are good advice for dorm living in general. They aren't specific to having a homosexual roommate, but I think they will deal with your apparent concerns just fine.

a) You don't want to be hit on by other men. - Well, this is assuming that he actually finds you attractive to start with. No offence meant, but there is a huge possibility that you may not even be his type.

b) Waking up to find 2 men going at it - Would it not be better to approach HIM with this topic rather than us?

c) Personal safety - This could mean several things. If you think he is going to force himself upon you, then I would say it is paranoia. If you mean that you may get drawn into homophobic attacks and incidents, then I would say it is an extreme likely possibility but then you might be able to see how a Gay individual lives their life through adversity.

So long as you are honest, up-front and respectful, then I think it is safe to say that you can expect the same qualities in return. This guy has already asked if you have a problem with his sexuality, which means he is giving you consideration and an option to voice your views. Do not miss the opportunity, as you may discover that this person is a potential lifelong friend (in a platonic sense). Of course, you may also find that you do not get on.

If he does develop a crush on you, then a simple but firm "No." is all it takes. You can always elaborate by making it clear that certain issues will damage your potential friendship, and let him know that he can have you as a friend an enemy or a stranger but nothing more.

As a gay man myself, most of my valued friendships have been with straight men. Out of all of those, I only developed feelings for one of them and I am intelligent enough to know that the feelings will never be mutual. However, he allows me to joke at his expense, and I allow him to joke at my expense.

The key thing is to maintain respect. If he cannot do that, or you cannot do that... then the problem is obvious.

One warning however.... Keep him away from alcohol. ;)

Be honest.

Seriously, why be awkward about this whole situation? If you can work this all out now, the future will be easy living at school.

Tell him you're fine with him being gay, but that you're concerned about how things might be.

but that you're concerned about how things might be.

Trust me, his gay potential roommate knows that already.

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety

You say you're a tolerant person why again?

You say you're a tolerant person why again?

Tolerance isn't determined by whether or not you feel discomfort, however irrational. It's determined by whether or not you're willing to let that discomfort rule you.

The guy is gay. So he will not hit on your girlfriend or the girl you fancy.
He probably also has quite a few nice girls as friends.

So.. where is the downside ?

If it helps, mentally change the situation to your roommate being a girl you are not attracted to at all (making her hideously ugly for instance). Would that be a problem ?

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else),

What do you mean "personal safety"? Are you implying that because he is gay, he somehow automatically poses a physical threat to you? What, that because he is gay, he's just up and gonna rape you? "I tend to be a very tolerant person" - yeah, you're not acting like it. In fact, it seems that you are a prejudiced person. There is no need to fear for your "personal safety" - if he accosts you, it's not gonna be because he's gay, but because he's a creep, just the same as if a straight room-mate bashed your head in to rob you.

waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc.

And the difference would be between him and a girl going at it...? Part of being room-mates with someone is that you share their lives. He's gonna have people over, you're gonna have people over. He's not gonna be comfortable with you banging some chick in the middle of the night two metres away, and you're not gonna be comfortable with him doing that to a guy. But in these situations, we learn to deal with other people's sexualities and either act like adults and accept that this is how life as a room-mate is and that one accepts certain things so that one's own things will be accepted, or one agrees that neither of you is allowed to bang people in the room while the other is there.

Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

You say it yourself, but in the end it just doesn't seem to sink in for you. You flatter yourself when you think that you will be hit on by other men - if they are the tiniest bit attractive themselves, they will have standards, and you will most likely not reach up to those standards. And you know the way to deal with people who hit on you? You handle them just like I handle the constant barrage of girls who hit on me when I am in straight joints: "I'm sorry if I sent any signals, but I am not interested. I don't say this to be mean, but to save you and me time and effort." And you know what? 90% of people out there can take a no - the rest are jerks that we all have to deal with, straight or gay.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!

You already are treating him differently just because of his orientation. This entire thread would never have existed if you did not do that. So, hate what you are already doing, and either stop doing it and grow up and realise that him being gay will have as much impact on you as if he had been straight, or give in to your fears and prejudice and miss out on meeting a person whom you could probably learn a lot from.

My Elaboration: NationStates is not your blog.



My Elaboration: Nation States is not your place to dictate what gets posted or not. The OP has a serious question and concern. If you don't like it, then you're not forced to read it. You are not NSG police. No need for you to creep from thread to thread to see what is and isn't acceptable to you. Learn to deal with the fact that you don't run this place.

/end rant.


BACK ON TOPIC NOW...


You are not intolerant. When I had my roomie freshmen year, I was worried about most of those things, but since he was straight, it was me worrying about him screwing his girlfriend, or something like that. Its part of having a roommate. Tell him that you have some requests. Perhaps you can explain that you don't like the fact that you might hear people having sex. Make sure to point out its not necessarily having two men doing it, but rather anyone. And listen to what he prefers as well. Being a roomie requires a lot of compromise of both parts.

Trust me, his gay potential roommate knows that already.

Well obviously, but mentioning it will get them to talk it out, instead of having an elephant take up space in that small dorm room.

Tolerance isn't determined by whether or not you feel discomfort, however irrational. It's determined by whether or not you're willing to let that discomfort rule you.

I like that. It deserves to be a quote, I am sure.

Tolerance isn't determined by whether or not you feel discomfort, however irrational. It's determined by whether or not you're willing to let that discomfort rule you.

It's determined by not assuming that every gay guy is going to want to rape your sweet hetero ass (which is how I read the "personal safety" concern. Hell, you don't have to be Fass to read that into that comment).

You are not intolerant.

Yes, actually he is. The question is whether or not he's willing to own up to it, and then make the effort to STOP being intolerant.

Cue Fass-rant.

It took a bit longer than I thought. Of course I am sure he has never treated anyone differently before.

-snip-

Game, set, match Fass.

Use his style and grooming advice to pick-up women: win-win.

And, seriously, the majority of gay people -particularly in college- are not exactly Big Gay Al. He did you an immense courtesy of telling you, which shows he is sensitive to how it may impact on you and is therefore unlikely to be imposing in any way.

What do you mean "personal safety"? Are you implying that because he is gay, he somehow automatically poses a physical threat to you? What, that because he is gay, he's just up and gonna rape you? "I tend to be a very tolerant person" - yeah, you're not acting like it. In fact, it seems that you are a prejudiced person. There is no need to fear for your "personal safety" - if he accosts you, it's not gonna be because he's gay, but because he's a creep, just the same as if a straight room-mate bashed your head in to rob you.



And the difference would be between him and a girl going at it...? Part of being room-mates with someone is that you share their lives. He's gonna have people over, you're gonna have people over. He's not gonna be comfortable with you banging some chick in the middle of the night two metres away, and you're not gonna be comfortable with him doing that to a guy. But in these situations, we learn to deal with other people's sexualities and either act like adults and accept that this is how life as a room-mate is and that one accepts certain things so that one's own things will be accepted, or one agrees that neither of you is allowed to bang people in the room while the other is there.



You say it yourself, but in the end it just doesn't seem to sink in for you. You flatter yourself when you think that you will be hit on by other men - if they are the tiniest bit attractive themselves, they will have standards, and you will most likely not reach up to those standards. And you know the way to deal with people who hit on you? You handle them just like I handle the constant barrage of girls who hit on me when I am in straight joints: "I'm sorry if I sent any signals, but I am not interested. I don't say this to be mean, but to save you and me time and effort." And you know what? 90% of people out there can take a no - the rest are jerks that we all have to deal with, straight or gay.



You already are treating him differently just because of his orientation. This entire thread would never have existed if you did not do that. So, hate what you are already doing, and either stop doing it and grow up and realise that him being gay will have as much impact on you as if he had been straight, or give in to your fears and prejudice and miss out on meeting a person whom you could probably learn a lot from.
Did Fass just provide calm, reasonable advice?

Did Fass just provide calm, reasonable advice?

If I'm not mistaken, he usually does, though he always adds his dry, sarcastic flair to it.

Did Fass just provide calm, reasonable advice?

Yep, he seems an ok dude when hes not all worked up.

What other people have already said. If it's going to make you uncomfortable knowing someone is having sexual relations next door, then don't do it. But it shouldn't matter what kind of sexual relations they are.

Of course, you could move in with nerdy virgins who have no chance of bringing someone home. But then they'd just be wanking to porn 2 metres away, and probably a lot more frequently than your friend will be having people round. You're going to have to get used to sex of some variety no matter where you live.

One warning however.... Keep him away from alcohol. ;)


Might be hard if he's like the guys I knew at university. the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender club would organise pub crawls, and I'd often go along since I knew a bunch from working in the student union offices on the same hall as the clubroom. Those guys and gals could drink like fish, and hold down more vodka while remaining upright than a russian :D

Look at the positive sides, If he hangs out with the local queer club and you go along with him to meet his friends, at least a few will be paired up couples of Bi girls looking for a little spice ;) I've had a number of 3somes with hot chick pairs I met in the G.B.L.T. clubrooms.

If you're even luckier, they'll have a good expresso machine in the clubrooms. The ones I knew did :D that makes it all worthwhile :D no matter what your personal sexual preferences, good coffee is worth anything :D

It's determined by not assuming that every gay guy is going to want to rape your sweet hetero ass

In a homophobic world where the images of gay men as predators are a fairly pervasive theme?

Better he admit his genuine feelings than hide them for fear of being labeled a bigot. Prejudice out in the open can be addressed, dealt with. Prejudice that is hidden, from the prejudiced person and from others, can't be.

Yes, actually he is. The question is whether or not he's willing to own up to it, and then make the effort to STOP being intolerant.

Well, right. Exactly.

Ok,
Bien sur, I havent sat and read all of the above responses but if you want my opinion; here it is, if you dont; simply ignore me.

I think the whole idea of college/university life is stretching yourself to your limits. You need to learn, not saying that you dont already know, how to work and live in situations that you ARENT always comfortable with.

This is supposed to be the time where you do see various lifestyles and it might be good for you to see how homosexuals live. (Not saying it's different to heterosexuals bu of course, if you dont find out, you'll never know that).

Furthermore, the more outside of your comfort-zone you are, the more you'll get out of living with this guy.

Use this as an opportunity rather than a problem. It's all part of the learning curve.

In a homophobic world where the images of gay men as predators are a fairly pervasive theme?

Better he admit his genuine feelings than hide them for fear of being labeled a bigot. Prejudice out in the open can be addressed, dealt with. Prejudice that is hidden, from the prejudiced person and from others, can't be.

Saying "I'm tolerant, but my sweet hetero ass is in danger of being raped because he's gay" is not admitting his genuine feelings any more than "some of my best friends are black". He can't fix being intolerant until he admits that he actually is.

Saying "I'm tolerant, but my sweet hetero ass is in danger of being raped because he's gay" is not admitting his genuine feelings any more than "some of my best friends are black". He can't fix being intolerant until he admits that he actually is.

Thats more fear and ignorance rather than intolerance. If he was genuinely intolerant, he wouldn't have posted, because theres no way he'd knowingly share space with a gay man. Methinks you judge the lad too harshly.

Dear straight boy, your ass is not all that. You're not interested, he probably won't look at you twice.

My Elaboration: Nation States is not your place to dictate what gets posted or not. The OP has a serious question and concern. If you don't like it, then you're not forced to read it. You are not NSG police. No need for you to creep from thread to thread to see what is and isn't acceptable to you. Learn to deal with the fact that you don't run this place.

/end rant.

Oh get off it. I don't go from thread to thread seeking out things to report. This was quite obvious, being on the top of page one and all.

At one point the mods were very tough on threads such as this. As of late, they seem to have relaxed a whole lot. Perhaps I'll adjust my perception of what is acceptable or not. Still doesn't leave a place for your pointless rant.

After all, you don't run this place either. Don't attempt to tell me how to handle myself if you cannot deal with me doing such to others.

Dear straight boy, your ass is not all that. You're not interested, he probably won't look at you twice.

I love how everyone automatically assumes that the OP is ugly and/or unattractive to a gay man, or this specific gay man in question. Not saying that he isn't, or that he undoubtedly would be hit on, but why is everyone so willing to jump to the conclusion that he is ugly and would never be of interest?

I love how everyone automatically assumes that the OP is ugly and/or unattractive to a gay man, or this specific gay man in question. Not saying that he isn't, or that he undoubtedly would be hit on, but why is everyone so willing to jump to the conclusion that he is ugly and would never be of interest?

Who said he was ugly? I work with several straight guys I wouldn't have sex with. Only two of them are ugly. It's completely possible to not want sex with people for reasons other than looks.

Jesus you're shallow.

Another hilarious assumption. Who said that looks were the only reason?

Now that being said, to say that they aren't a huge reason, or even the biggest reason, is just trying to romanticise a situation. No one looks at a person and goes "Damn...that's a nice personality!" Sexual attraction is visual, and physical, and only after a good while has anything to do with personality.

No but they do go "Damn he's hot, shame he's a fucking idiot moocher".

Jesus you're shallow.

Another hilarious assumption. Who said that looks were the only reason?

Now that being said, to say that they aren't a huge reason, or even the biggest reason, is just trying to romanticise a situation. No one looks at a person and goes "Damn...that's a nice personality!" Sexual attraction is visual, and physical, and only after a good while has anything to do with personality.

Uhm, if you have no interest in a thread that a moderator has accepted as a relevant thread, perhaps you're better off staying out of it instead of thrashing it.

You should really stop now.

Honestly, back the fuck off.

Go for it. You can deflect any gay attention you get onto him, and he can deflect any straight attention he gets onto you. Simply a matter of inviting the inappropriately amorous prospect around for a meal and a few drinks.

Sure beats bringing your own prospect around and having your room-mate steal them off you.

And OP, you WILL go out for a while when your room-mate wants an hour or two with their new conquest. It's simple quid pro quo.

Honestly, back the fuck off.

*demands to see Ruffy's Grumpy Old Person card*

*demands to see Ruffy's Grumpy Old Person card*

Even before I was an old-timer, I was the Official Poet of the Fossil Club. -_-

I'm too drunk and lazy, but I nominate TSI to link you. *nods*

Ahahahahahaha, as soon as I saw 'I'm usually very tolerant" I could tell the rest of the post. Quite honestly, you're not. You're a homophobe. Either get over it or get a now room/mate.

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else), waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!


It is perfectly normal for racist, sexist or discriminatory thoughts to pop in our head. It is also perfectly normal for those thoughts to be quickly dismissed for the irrationality they are, possibly with mild self-disgust that such thoughts pop into your head. It is Not perfectly normal to dwell on such thoughts, vocalize them or act on them intentionally or unintentionally. Sometimes I wonder if racism is actually a mental disorder preventing us from recognizing irrationality when we think it.

So far, you're being irrational.

Suppose you DID walk in on your roommate and another man doing the nasty. If he was with a woman, would you just pop on the tv and grab a soda? Offer tips? "Hips! Get your hips into it, man!" Of course not. You'd exit the room as quickly as possible and remind your roommate to put a coathanger on the doorknob next time. So why should it be any different if he's with a man? Is your confidence in your sexuality so weak that a 2 second image of two men having sex threatens it?

As for being hit on by men, I have found that generally speaking, that attractiveness is inversely proportional to such concerns. In other words, the people most afraid of getting hit on by men seem to be the ones no man would ever hit on. If it happens, take it as a compliment unless, of course, your confidence in your sexuality is too weak to resist the offer...

As for getting raped, that's just stupid.

Honest answer:

You will not get along perfectly with your roommate.

Period.

Doesn't matter who it is. My boyfriend requested a room with his best friend during sophomore year, and they fought like cats in a sack for the entire time they lived together.

You will not get along perfectly with your roommate.

Odds are, your roommate will make you uncomfortable from time to time. The question is really, what kinds of uncomfortable are deal-breakers for you?

If you honestly believe that you cannot handle living with a gay roommate, then the respectful thing to do would be to request a new roommate BEFORE you guys move in together. Having to shuffle around rooms in the middle of the semester is a huge pain.

However, if you simply aren't sure, then I would suggest you give it a try. Particularly since you seem to be okay with your roommate's personality.

You might want to simply ask the roommate about this. Let him know your concerns, and ask him what he thinks. See if the two of you can come to an understanding that makes both of you as comfortable as possible.

Oh, and one other thing:

You will probably catch your roommate wanking at least once over the course of the year.

Doesn't matter what sexual orientation they are. It's probably going to happen. Mentally prepare yourself for this now.

-snip-

Wow. Almost exactly my response except wrapped in razor wire. ;)

It is Not perfectly normal to dwell on such thoughts, vocalize them or act on them intentionally or unintentionally.

In what world is this true?

I want to move there. But for the moment I have to deal with this one.

In what world is this true?

I want to move there. But for the moment I have to deal with this one.

My world is better. We have more pie. :)

Wow. Almost exactly my response except wrapped in razor wire. ;)
Yeah, but his sorely lacked the part about the hips.
In what world is this true?

I want to move there. But for the moment I have to deal with this one.
I'm pretty sure it's true in this world.

Edit: meh, okay, maybe it's partly wishful thinking.

Another hilarious assumption. Who said that looks were the only reason?

Now that being said, to say that they aren't a huge reason, or even the biggest reason, is just trying to romanticise a situation. No one looks at a person and goes "Damn...that's a nice personality!" Sexual attraction is visual, and physical, and only after a good while has anything to do with personality.

ya but so what?

IF his gay roommate ends up with a crush on him, he'll deal with it then. its a good thing to learn how to deal with. at least he wont have to spend his time thinking "does my roommate have a crush on me? wouldnt that be kinda GAY?"

A heterosexual male and a heterosexual female are not of the same sexuality.

Just so we're clear about that. As Bottle once said: "There are as many sexualities as there are people."

Oh, and one other thing:

You will probably catch your roommate wanking at least once over the course of the year.

Doesn't matter what sexual orientation they are. It's probably going to happen. Mentally prepare yourself for this now.

Indeed. Possibly on your bed, possibly using your porn.


We arent helping, are we?

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else), waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!

It's not something you should worry about. Really.

It took a bit longer than I thought. Of course I am sure he has never treated anyone differently before.

But it was so very, very fassy. Pretty much exactly what I thought he'd say.
He's so predictable.

Indeed. Possibly on your bed, possibly using your porn.


We arent helping, are we?
I once came home and walked in on my roommate Dan wanking to some computer porn. My reaction was, "Dude, the living room is pants-wearing territory!" His reaction was, "Wait, come here, check this out! This shit is awesome!"

He was also the one who disassembled our shower to make a still so he could make booze out of pineapple concentrate.

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else), waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!
I'm a hetero guy that lived with a gay guy in a dorm for a year, so I can understand your concerns. The only real difference between our situations is that he didn't tell me he was gay until we'd been rooming together for a month. We were in a state where religious conservatism is the norm, so it was understandable he was worried about my reaction. But I'm not the type to worry about who other people want to screw, so we got along fine in that regard.

Just because he is gay doesn't mean he's going to be flaming gay or some kind of sexual predator towards you. My roommate had a steady relationship with one guy the entire year and he knew I was hetero from the start, so there no worries about unwelcome advances. I simply set the same ground rule with him that I set with my previous hetero roommate: If you need to use the room for sex, give some advance warning and I'll be somewhere else for the night.

Our biggest conflicts came from more normal roommate stuff. We both got tired and snappy during finals and his taste in music was awful. Once, he took some of my food stash and we had it out in a long, loud argument. But sexual orientation is only a problem if you really think homosexuals are out for your ass, in which case your own biases are the problem, not him. What's more likely is that his political orientation or personal interests will cause more conflict than who he likes to screw.

the big problems with roommates for me (in my youth) were:

1. wash your clothes you nasty shit - the room smells like dead people
2. change your sheets you nasty shit - the room smells like dead people


I'm not a neat freak, but I believe that when your clothes smell like something other than Downy fabric softener, there's something that needs to be done. I can even tolerate someone else's dirty clothes for a week - but an entire semester of someone wearing the same dirty clothes and socks over and over and over again is beyond nasty.

the big problems with roommates for me (in my youth) were:

1. wash your clothes you nasty shit - the room smells like dead people
2. change your sheets you nasty shit - the room smells like dead people

My roommate my freshman year bought a set of sheets to move in with. Those sheets were thrown out when the year ended. The sheets had never been washed. Ever.

Just get an assurance that you're not his type, and everything should be fine.

Saying "I'm tolerant, but my sweet hetero ass is in danger of being raped because he's gay" is not admitting his genuine feelings any more than "some of my best friends are black". He can't fix being intolerant until he admits that he actually is.

I wouldn't necessarily say the OP is intolerant, especially since he is asking for advice on how to get over his problems with the fact that his future roomie is gay.
He is, on the other hand a bit of a homophobe.

Oh get off it. I don't go from thread to thread seeking out things to report. This was quite obvious, being on the top of page one and all.

At one point the mods were very tough on threads such as this. As of late, they seem to have relaxed a whole lot. Perhaps I'll adjust my perception of what is acceptable or not. Still doesn't leave a place for your pointless rant.

After all, you don't run this place either. Don't attempt to tell me how to handle myself if you cannot deal with me doing such to others.

SB, a lot of your interactions in NSG do seem to be along the lines of you telling people the rules (or your interpretation thereof). Sometimes your concerns are supported by the mods, sometimes they are not. Maybe you should consider leaving the rules quoting to the mods?

I once came home and walked in on my roommate Dan wanking to some computer porn. My reaction was, "Dude, the living room is pants-wearing territory!" His reaction was, "Wait, come here, check this out! This shit is awesome!"

He was also the one who disassembled our shower to make a still so he could make booze out of pineapple concentrate.

If there was a handbook of moving in with people, would it include the screening question: when in possession of quantities of inedible sugary substance, do you renounce the prospect of being clean for the remote possibility of becoming drunk?

It's the sort of dilemma no-one really knows how to resolve until they get there. Having been there, I'd say it's worth a try but you have to be able to put the shower back together on short notice.

And no booze, no pineapple juice and no shower is total fail. Move that one out before they start messing with the internet connection.

No one looks at a person and goes "Damn...that's a nice personality!" Sexual attraction is visual, and physical, and only after a good while has anything to do with personality.

I love how every time there is a discussion of attraction on NSG, people have to tell me I don't exist. :rolleyes:

I love how every time there is a discussion of attraction on NSG, people have to tell me I don't exist. :rolleyes:

Look, I fucking told you, I'm sorry, but I had a really bad experience playing D&D one time, so now I try to Disbelieve everyone I meet, just in case they're an illusion.

I thought you were an Aboleth, I'm sorry.

Uhm, if you have no interest in a thread that a moderator has accepted as a relevant thread, perhaps you're better off staying out of it instead of thrashing it.

You should really stop now.

Honestly, back the fuck off.

Grow up. I engaged the thread in discussion:

I love how everyone automatically assumes that the OP is ugly and/or unattractive to a gay man, or this specific gay man in question. Not saying that he isn't, or that he undoubtedly would be hit on, but why is everyone so willing to jump to the conclusion that he is ugly and would never be of interest?

I didn’t trash anything. Funny how me giving one line of “NSG is not a blog” is “trashing” but all the pointless replies to something already dealt with in Moderation are not. I also never said that I didn't have interest in the thread. I just said it doesn’t belong here. A year a go it wouldn’t have. Now the mods say it does. I’m fine with it ending there. Why aren’t you?

IF his gay roommate ends up with a crush on him, he'll deal with it then. its a good thing to learn how to deal with. at least he wont have to spend his time thinking "does my roommate have a crush on me? wouldnt that be kinda GAY?"

I agree. I don’t think it’d be that big of an issue. At the same time for me it would be an issue, albeit a small one, simply because my interaction with gay people has only been through class and work. I have a number of gay “aquaintences” that I’m cordial with, but I wouldn’t say I have any gay good friends, much less a roommate. It’d be a new situation, and those are always kinda awkward at first.

SB, a lot of your interactions in NSG do seem to be along the lines of you telling people the rules (or your interpretation thereof). Sometimes your concerns are supported by the mods, sometimes they are not. Maybe you should consider leaving the rules quoting to the mods?

*Points to 5 years of threads on Politics, the Election, Video Games, Musicals, Pictures, Age, Education Level, etc. where I posted on-topic*

*Shrugs*

Maybe you too should get over a situation that was dealt with pages ago, by myself, other posters, and mods?

I love how every time there is a discussion of attraction on NSG, people have to tell me I don't exist. :rolleyes:

So your first impression, when you see someone for the very first time from some distance away, is that they have a good personality? I find that hard to believe, and equally hard for you to judge the intricacies of personality at first glance. People see looks first, then when they meet and get to know the person, personality second. That’s not being shallow or anything, it’s a physical reality. I don’t understand how you’d claim otherwise…? O.o

Unless I just read your post wrong, and you were making a joke about you being "no one" ...not really funny but I'd give it to you I suppose...

Oh dear. Why would you even consider getting a different room? You said it yourself that you thought he was a nice chap. It seems that you only started having problems with living with this guy when you found out he's gay. I don't wish to be rude, but please...GROW UP. You're going to college, you should be mature enough to realise that just because he's gay does NOT mean that he's going to jump on you and start coming on to you in the middle of the night. It really annoys me that people think that gay people are incapable of monogamous relationships and just go around having sex with random people. (This isn't me having a go at you, but rather me having a pop at society in general)

And what's more, can you imagine how awkward it would be if you asked for a new room? I would find it awkward.

I think that you should use this as personal growth. You've said that you don't really know anything about it, so use this as an opportunity to learn. That's what you're at college for, right? And you shouldn't think of him as abnormal - he's exactly the same as you, except he is sexually attracted to people of the same gender. It may not be normal to you, but it is to him.

And if you are concerned for your reputation and what people think of you, nobody is going to think you're gay just because you have a gay roommate.

Besides which, everybody knows that gay people are fabulous (but then, I am biased ;)) and you can probably learn alot from him. But definitely don't get a new room. It shouldn't be a problem. And so what if you wake up in the middle of the night to find him at it with somebody? You don't HAVE to watch (unless you want to, obviously).

So, do we agree that you shouldn't get a new room and that you should work hard to build a friendship with this guy? Getting a new room will only serve two purposes: to make you look like yet another bigoted homophobe to your roommate; and to make everyone else think you're gay yourself. Seriously. He's gay: you can't catch it, so move on.

If he offers you cake, don't eat it. It's gay cake and you'll turn gay.

Happens all the time, otherwise you should be fine.

Fass is very opinionated
Fixed.

Look, I fucking told you, I'm sorry, but I had a really bad experience playing D&D one time, so now I try to Disbelieve everyone I meet, just in case they're an illusion.

I thought you were an Aboleth, I'm sorry.

Paranoia is a dangerous thing. You can't go about disbelieving everyone you meet. Save that for sex partners, businessmen and clergy and you should be perfectly safe. *nod*

If he offers you cake, don't eat it. It's gay cake and you'll turn gay.

Happens all the time, otherwise you should be fine.

But... but gay cake is so Fabulous! :(

Look, I fucking told you, I'm sorry, but I had a really bad experience playing D&D one time, so now I try to Disbelieve everyone I meet, just in case they're an illusion.

I thought you were an Aboleth, I'm sorry.
That's why I always carry around an item that grants True Seeing. Never have those problems again.

But... but gay cake is so Fabulous! :(

Lol I like how you capitalized the F in fabulous.

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/10P/QF0100~Fabulous-Queer-as-Folk-Posters.jpg

I bet he could bake a mean cake :p

If he offers you cake, don't eat it. It's gay cake and you'll turn gay.

Happens all the time, otherwise you should be fine.

What you have to do is just eat a very small slice, because then you get a fabulous fashion sense.

What you have to do is just eat a very small slice, because then you get a fabulous fashion sense.

Aye, metrosexual is chic

I don't see how this type of situation is all that different from women who choose to live in an all female dorm for the same reasons. (personal safety, not wanting to be hit on...)

*Points to 5 years of threads on Politics, the Election, Video Games, Musicals, Pictures, Age, Education Level, etc. where I posted on-topic*

Joined the discussion late, and I probably should have added the qualifier of lately.

What you have to do is just eat a very small slice, because then you get a fabulous fashion sense.

Yes, you're just a closet gay.

Joined the discussion late, and I probably should have added the qualifier of lately.

All the examples I gave were "lately" though. I certainly can't remember 5 years ago :p

I don't see how this type of situation is all that different from women who choose to live in an all female dorm for the same reasons. (personal safety, not wanting to be hit on...)

That's probably because college women are intelligent enough and comfortable enough in their sexuality not to fear gay roommates.

That's probably because college women are intelligent enough and comfortable enough in their sexuality not to fear gay roommates.

As opposed to guys? That's a pretty ridiculous statement. Why would a woman be more comfortable with a homosexual roommate than a man?

That's probably because college women are intelligent enough and comfortable enough in their sexuality not to fear gay roommates.

Yet they fear straight men.

As opposed to guys? That's a pretty ridiculous statement. Why would a woman be more comfortable with a homosexual roommate than a man?
Because they are all bi *nod*


*ninja escape*

So your first impression, when you see someone for the very first time from some distance away, is that they have a good personality? I find that hard to believe, and equally hard for you to judge the intricacies of personality at first glance. People see looks first, then when they meet and get to know the person, personality second. That’s not being shallow or anything, it’s a physical reality. I don’t understand how you’d claim otherwise…? O.o

Of course I don't physically "see" personality first (unless, of course, I first encounter someone in a non-physical setting like, you know, the internet). I am attracted to personality first. You said "Sexual attraction is visual, and physical, and only after a good while has anything to do with personality." This is completely untrue for me, and I get a bit tired of people declaring, "This is how MY sexuality works, ergo, everyone else is exactly like me!"

I'll just respond to your major concerns.

...but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else),

Most likely. I can't imagine any real safety concerns unless you're going to a school known for having rabidly conservative and anti-gay students.

waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc.

Gay or not, if your roommate isn't an asshole this won't be a problem. It's just common courtesy not to hook up with people when your roommate is present.

Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

Again, gay or not, if your roommate isn't an asshole this won't be a problem.

Look, I fucking told you, I'm sorry, but I had a really bad experience playing D&D one time, so now I try to Disbelieve everyone I meet, just in case they're an illusion.

I thought you were an Aboleth, I'm sorry.

*Disbelieves you*

That's probably because college women are intelligent enough and comfortable enough in their sexuality not to fear gay roommates.

In my experience this isn't true. The main reason for the declining membership and eventual disappearance of one of the sororities here was the "stigma" of being known as the "lesbian sorority."

Yet they fear straight men.

Don't you? You should. The vast majority of male rapists are straight men. In fact, gay men are raped by straight men far more often than straight men are by gay men(or other straight men for that matter). Maybe it's the gay roommate who should be concerned. :p

Yet they fear straight men.

You might have a point if the OP also wanted to live in an all-male dorm to avoid straight women.

But in my experience, the women who chose to live in the all-girl dorms don't do so to avoid men. Indeed, I had one friend who told me that "one great thing about living in Brumby Hall [a freshman female-only dorm on my campus] is that guys always want to come there. Say you're in Brumby and they'll jump all over you."
It probably helped that said dorm had a certain... reputation. Let's just say it was the sort of place a guy would want to be, and it wasn't *too* hard to find your way in there. ;)

The reason a lot of them want to live there is, well, it's a nice building. The main concern with men for many of the people who chose to live there doesn't have to do with sex, but the perception that we'd make a mess.

I am attracted to personality first.

Not that I don't believe that you believe it, and not trying to be an ass, it just seems a bit impossible. Care to explain how this works?

As opposed to guys? That's a pretty ridiculous statement. Why would a woman be more comfortable with a homosexual roommate than a man?

Why would a man feel more comfortable with a woman than a homosexual roommate?

Why would a man feel more comfortable with a woman than a homosexual roommate?

Bah...my mistake:

Why would a woman be more comfortable with a homosexual roommate than a man would with a homosexual roommate?

As opposed to guys? That's a pretty ridiculous statement. Why would a woman be more comfortable with a homosexual roommate than a man?

Um, because lots of people are more comfortable with a roommate of their own gender, and gay women are still women? (Plus, and this is admittedly generalizing based on my own experience, I have never yet met a bi/lesbian woman who continued to hit on me after I'd explained that I wasn't interested, or, for that matter, who didn't continue to be perfectly nice and friendly with me afterwards. I have met quite a few guys who have refused to take "no" for an answer or acted like I must be an uber-bitch for not desperately wanting to sex them up. Given the inherent sexism in our culture and the way guys and girls are conditioned to engage in courtship, I suspect my experience isn't unique in this regard.)

As opposed to guys? That's a pretty ridiculous statement. Why would a woman be more comfortable with a homosexual roommate than a man?

Well, our society seems to place quite a bit more of a stigma on homosexuality for men than for women. Indeed, just hanging around gay men seems to get some guys labeled as "fags."
And, like it or not, that matters to a large number of people. They care what others think of them. So it's not so much that men are more likely to be personally intolerant of homosexuals, but they are more likely to be afraid of intolerance by association.
Quite unfortunate, really.:(

Not that I don't believe that you believe it, and not trying to be an ass, it just seems a bit impossible. Care to explain how this works?

...I'm not sure what there is to explain. I don't feel any attraction towards people I don't already know and like, and I do often feel attraction towards people who are not conventionally hunky, but who have particularly charming personalities.

Just chill. It'll come.

Bah...my mistake:

Why would a woman be more comfortable with a homosexual roommate than a man would with a homosexual roommate?

Am I the only one who read it this way the first time? :p

It's just common courtesy not to hook up with people when your roommate is present without asking your roommate to join in.

Fixed that for you.

Am I the only one who read it this way the first time? :p

Seems that way lol

Well, our society seems to place quite a bit more of a stigma on homosexuality for men than for women. Indeed, just hanging around gay men seems to get some guys labeled as "fags."
And, like it or not, that matters to a large number of people. They care what others think of them. So it's not so much that men are more likely to be personally intolerant of homosexuals, but they are more likely to be afraid of intolerance by association.
Quite unfortunate, really

How is that any different that girls labeling lesbians "dykes" or something. I know plenty of girls who were hesitant of homosexual girls "looking at them" in the bathroom or lockerroom or whatnot. I also knew girls in highschool who outcasted girls as "dykes" much like guys do, outcasting fellow guys as "fags."

*Disbelieves you*
You have to make a DC 19 Will save.

Not that I don't believe that you believe it, and not trying to be an ass, it just seems a bit impossible. Care to explain how this works?

Long term, or even short term, personality is more important. Certainly more interesting.

If I could offer one piece of advice to the planet, it would be this: Don't marry for looks alone, and I'll tell you why. In a few years, when Barbara's boobs start sagging, she can get plastic surgery, have them lifted, move the nipple wherever. You can actually go to a titty bar, pick out a set of titties and say, "I want those titties on that woman." If her belly gets too big, she can get a tummy tuck and have a belly like a cheerleader. If her vision goes bad, you can have LASIK surgery and have 20/20 vision. If her hearing goes bad, they can install a device in her ear that will give you hearing as clear as it was the day you were born. But let me tell you something, folks: You can't fix stupid. There's not a pill you can take; there's not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.

You might have a point if the OP also wanted to live in an all-male dorm to avoid straight women.

But in my experience, the women who chose to live in the all-girl dorms don't do so to avoid men. Indeed, I had one friend who told me that "one great thing about living in Brumby Hall [a freshman female-only dorm on my campus] is that guys always want to come there. Say you're in Brumby and they'll jump all over you."
It probably helped that said dorm had a certain... reputation. Let's just say it was the sort of place a guy would want to be, and it wasn't *too* hard to find your way in there. ;)

The reason a lot of them want to live there is, well, it's a nice building. The main concern with men for many of the people who chose to live there doesn't have to do with sex, but the perception that we'd make a mess.

But statistically women donot rape as often as men. Thus, if you live with all women you are less likely to get raped regardless of whether you are a male or female.

Indeed. Possibly on your bed, possibly using your porn.


We arent helping, are we?
If it helps any, at least this roommate is not, in fact, going to use your porn. On the other hand, you won't be able to borrow his.

Seems that way lol



How is that any different that girls labeling lesbians "dykes" or something. I know plenty of girls who were hesitant of homosexual girls "looking at them" in the bathroom or lockerroom or whatnot. I also knew girls in highschool who outcasted girls as "dykes" much like guys do, outcasting fellow guys as "fags."
But the "dyke" thing is usually more sexism that homophobia, I find. It's the women who dress "like men" that are outcast. Otherwise, lesbians are "hot." (I never understood that. As a guy, I don't have a chance, by definition, with lesbians, but I might be able to hook up with straight or bi girls.)


But statistically women donot rape as often as men. Thus, if you live with all women you are less likely to get raped regardless of whether you are a male or female.

You do know that you're most likely to get raped by somebody you already know, right? So you're usually going to be in a situation where you're already with the person. It's not like rapists typically kick your door down and burst into your room to rape you.

You do know that you're most likely to get raped by somebody you already know, right? So you're usually going to be in a situation where you're already with the person. It's not like rapists typically kick your door down and burst into your room to rape you.ehm, If you live with them they will become somebody you know and they def won't need to kick down your door.

Long term, or even short term, personality is more important. Certainly more interesting.

Never said it wasn't more important. Just said it's silly to think you notice a person for their personality then just suddenly notice their appearance. Personality is too complex for a first glance. Attractive looking or not isn't.

Ooh. this is good:

Port Aracana, read Sparkelle's arguments. Sometime people need to see irrationality before they recognize it in themselves. *nod*

But statistically women donot rape as often as men. Thus, if you live with all women you are less likely to get raped regardless of whether you are a male or female.

That's because it's nearly physically impossible for women to rape a man most of the time. Granted it can still happen, but female rape is more manipulative like a teacher having sex with a student then actually physical.

Ooh. this is good:

Port Aracana, read Sparkelle's arguments. Sometime people need to see irrationality before they recognize it in themselves. *nod*

awe, tank you for the compliment.

Never said it wasn't more important. Just said it's silly to think you notice a person for their personality then just suddenly notice their appearance.

Apparently it's silly for you to do that, but I assure you I don't find it particularly silly. I do find it rather offensive that you keep insisting that everyone is just like you, even when some portions of everyone quite explicitly take exception to that.

Personality is too complex for a first glance. Attractive looking or not isn't.

Why do you keep bringing "first glance" into things? I have never been attracted to someone at "first glance"; again, just because what you want in a sexual/romantic partner can apparently be summed up in a glance doesn't mean that's how it works for all of us.

OP. Your gay roomate probably wouldn't be into you anyway.

ehm, If you live with them they will become somebody you know and they def won't need to kick down your door.

You do know that even in co-ed dorms, the rooms are almost always segregated by gender, right? Hell, even the halls often are.

I had a gay roommate once. I was actually living two roommates, and the other one was straight. I didn't even know that the first one was gay until he told me explicitly one day, and I was like "Um... ok." and the other roomate was freaking out behind his back. Apparently, he knew before somehow with his amazing gaydar and I was like clueless about it the whole time. It's rather understandable though, I think, since I had been overseas for a while, and hadn't seen very openly gay guys for a while. Plus, the other guy was a rabid heterosexual, and couldn't stop thinking about it for more than few minutes. I swear, I saw more homosexual (albeit Lesbian) porn with him than I ever expected or did with the gay roommate.

Anyways, the thing was that my gay roommate was an average guy, and I even slept in his bed once, just because it was so comfortable compared to my own (though not with him there at the time...:p and he never knew about it.). Though, his former boyfriend/lover/ sex buddy or whatever the hell he was, who seemed like a nice enough guy at the time (he flirted with me, which I took as a compliment, though I assured him I did not lean in that direction), later became enraged when they broke up and started stalking him. Apparently, because he had been in the army, he started walking around with a knife and giving my roomate strange looks when he saw him. Yeah, scary shit. Eventually, they got the college involved and he was warned to keep away from him. I never heard the end of it because my roommate eventually transfered out.

Also had two guys (one bisexual and the other a catholic) argue about same sex relationships once in the laundry room while I was getting my clothes. After a while, I thought punches were in order, from the look of the heat of the argument. They attempted to get me involved in one of those "Hey, isn't it true that...?" arguments in which my opinion ultimately is taken for the word of God in that moment. Fun, indeed.

So, uh... if you've read so far, my contributions to this thread are:

1. Uni is a great place to meet different people:p
2. It's really not a problem that your roommate is gay unless you make it your problem. Frankly, I found that he barely interacted with us, so I didn't get to see much of his "gay" side so it's not like he's going to be constantly having buttsecks with guys in the room.

That's because it's nearly physically impossible for women to rape a man most of the time. Granted it can still happen, but female rape is more manipulative like a teacher having sex with a student then actually physical.

...how on earth is it physically impossible for a woman to rape a man? :confused:

(Oh, geez, given your habit for generalizations, it's probably going to be something like, "Well, all rape must involve a penis penetrating a vagina, and also women are all small and delicate, while men are all big and strong," isn't it? *sigh*)

That's because it's nearly physically impossible for women to rape a man most of the time. Granted it can still happen, but female rape is more manipulative like a teacher having sex with a student then actually physical.
It doesn't matter why it is or what the method is. Point is that one should feel more safe when they are with women than with men.

You do know that even in co-ed dorms, the rooms are almost always segregated by gender, right? Hell, even the halls often are.
Not everyone went to your school. Often people share houses/appartments with the opposite gender. Often people request a certain gender because they are afraid.

(Oh, geez, given your habit for generalizations, it's probably going to be something like, "Well, all rape must involve a penis penetrating a vagina,...

Well, under English law that is actually the case (although it includes penetration of the anus or mouth)...

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year.Great! You're one of the lucky ones!

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else),Chances are you have nothing to worry about... depending, of course, on where you're going to school and what the climate will be. I did know one gay man in college who had burning rags shoved under his door... but he lived alone, and once a few of us stood up for him the worst of the abuse ended.

Think of it this way: if you make friends with the guy, you're probably making HIS life a lot safer. And if anything really ugly happens, don't be afraid to report it.

waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc.Hehe... that's college!! If you'd be okay with a hetero couple (or, perhaps, two women), then my vote is that you have to be consistent with your tolerant values (as stated above) and find a way to relax around two guys.

Of course, nothing says you have to enjoy people having sex while you're in the room... PERIOD. If you're NOT going to be comfortable with this, it's not too hard to work out a system with your roommate so that you can each have the room to yourselves, when you "need" it.

Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men.What makes you think he's going to hit on you? He knows you're hetero, yes? And even if he did hit on you, most of us (gay and straight) don't enjoy pursuing people who aren't interested... at least, not for long.

Most of us, for that matter, don't like to be hit on by people in whom we're not interested--whatever the gender. Women get the worst of this, all the time, from guys (like you?) who seem to think it's some sort of "right" that guys shouldn't hit on them... but who have no problem hitting on every woman they meet, even when she's clearly not interested.

(well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)That's right. And even if he is attracted to you, so what? As long as you make it clear you're not interested, I really really doubt you're going to have a problem. Unless it somehow bothers you that he'd simply find you attractive... and I can't imagine why that would be.

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.My opinion: you're blowing all of this way out of proportion.

It sounds like you have good intellectual values about these things... but now, having not "dealt with" it before, you're getting squeamish--all those years of prejudiced conditioning are coming to bear. Do the right thing: find ways to make your feelings consistent with your values. You know what's right. It may take a little work (improving ourselves usually does), but it's worth it.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.Maybe you won't be "comfortable." At first... but what better time than college to push some boundaries? You'll grow as a person and you'll feel better about it in the end. Years from now, for all you know, you might reminisce with your best friend about how you were afraid to move in with him because he's gay.

By then, you'll both be able to laugh about it. :)

Not everyone went to your school. Often people share houses/appartments with the opposite gender. Often people request a certain gender because they are afraid.

Note I said dorms, not houses or apartments, because you had previously mentioned all-woman dormitories.

Well, under English law that is actually the case (although it includes penetration of the anus or mouth)...

Yes, we noted that in Crim...how behind the times :P Canada updated our sexual assault laws like a whole decade or so ago! Husbands can even rape spouses now! We are so modern!

Yes, we noted that in Crim...how behind the times :P Canada updated our sexual assault laws like a whole decade or so ago! Husbands can even rape spouses now! We are so modern!

The Sexual Offences Act is from 2003, so it might actually be more modern than Canada's laws, just maybe not as up to date :p

Not everyone went to your school. Often people share Dorms with the opposite gender. Often people request a certain gender because they are afraid.

Note I said dorms, not houses or apartments, because you had previously mentioned all-woman dormitories. All better

All better

I don't think I've ever visited nor known anybody who attended a school that had the individual dormitory rooms mixed-gender, but I suppose they do exist somewhere, however rare. Which is why I qualified my statement with the word "almost" before the always. ;)

The closest I've seen, though, is a suite set up in which there are two rooms each sharing a bathroom, and while each individual room is segregated by gender, you might share a bathroom with a room with two people of another gender.

It's a very rare thing for ANY kind of homosexual to heterosexual sexual assault to happen...Oh, wait...

When he said he feared for his safety, he was worried about his roommate attacking him?!! Ahahahahaha!!! That's ludicrous!!!

Here I thought he was worried about what the anti-gay assholes would be up to.

The Sexual Offences Act is from 2003, so it might actually be more modern than Canada's laws, just maybe not as up to date :p

We've abolished 'rape' and all sexually based offences are now sexual assaults. Generally.

So rape (http://www.opsi.gov.uk/Acts/acts2003/ukpga_20030042_en_1), in the UK is still only possible to commit if one has a penis. Then there is assault by penetration, sexual assault, and other sexually-based offences. Odd distinctions.

Then again, infanticide is a crime that can only be committed by a woman (why they need a separate category for infanticide I'll never understand), so I guess it's not unheard of for there to be gender-specific crimes. Still, a woman can only 'assault' while only men can rape? Silly.

The guy is gay. So he will not hit on your girlfriend or the girl you fancy.
He probably also has quite a few nice girls as friends.

So.. where is the downside ?LOL!! Indeed!!

Hell, some great women will give you automatic "bonus points" just for being cool with your gay roommate. Seriously.

What do you mean "personal safety"? Are you implying that because he is gay, he somehow automatically poses a physical threat to you? What, that because he is gay, he's just up and gonna rape you? "I tend to be a very tolerant person" - yeah, you're not acting like it. In fact, it seems that you are a prejudiced person. There is no need to fear for your "personal safety" - if he accosts you, it's not gonna be because he's gay, but because he's a creep, just the same as if a straight room-mate bashed your head in to rob you.That's right... but again, this was so far from my mind I didn't even interpret the post that way. Weird.

By this logic, EVERY woman with a hetero male roommate should be afraid to be raped... and that's nonsense. There are some creeps out there. But (increasingly?) most of us are pretty all right.

If he offers you cake, don't eat it. It's gay cake and you'll turn gay.

Happens all the time, otherwise you should be fine.

But if you make your reflex save after you eat the cake, don't you get like special secret super powers like an extremely keen fashion sense, or at least a dex bonus or something?

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else), waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!

okay do you plan to be having sex with girls in the room while he is there ?
If no then your okay. just treat him like a normal room mate and set up signs like a sock on the door when either of you might be getting some. If that even becomes an issue.

as for the flirting issue get over it. Not all gay men are after your ass. If it does happen simply treat it like an unwanted advance from a woman and move on. your room mate will not be the only source of friends in college so dont worry, you will be fine.

On the plus side have a gay guy friend will likely get you hooked up with a girl quicker. Gay guys have lots of girls around them. you might have to get up on your poetry to complete the straight guy with gay friend image but once oyu have that image set up you will have girls.

LOL!! Indeed!!

Hell, some great women will give you automatic "bonus points" just for being cool with your gay roommate. Seriously.

It's a bonus to have a gay roommate.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/03/14/88-having-gay-friends/
If white people could draft friends the way that the NFL drafts prospects it would go like this: black friends, gay friends, and then all other minorities would be drafted based on need and rarity to the region.

When choosing gay friends, white people like to base their decision on their own needs and requirements. Younger white people tend to prefer young, social gay people-this is their all important ticket into nightclubs and parties.

When a straight person goes to a gay night club, they are reminded of how progressive and tolerant they are. If they are hit on by a member of the same sex, it provides them with a valuable story that they can use to prove to their other friends that they are more progressive and tolerant. “This guy/girl hit on me, I said I was ’straight but not narrow,’ and it was totally chill. Oh, you went to an Irish bar this weekend? That’s cool, I guess. “

Older white people prefer to be friends with gay parents because it enables their children to experience much needed diversity with people who are, for all intents and purposes, exactly the same as them.

It is also worth noting that a gay friendship of any sort allows white people to feel as though they are a part of the gay rights movement. While white people love being a part of any movement, the gay movement is especially important to them because they can blend in at rallies and protests and spend an afternoon feeling the sting of oppression.

Gay friends are an essential part of a white person’s all-star diversity roster. But they are always on the lookout for the ultimate friend; a gay minority.

It is generally accepted that a gay black friend with a child is considered a once in a lifetime opportunity - like a quarterback who can pass, run, kick, and play linebacker. White people will crawl over each other for the opportunity to claim this person as a friend and add them to their roster of diversity.

Other minorities are also highly prized and assigned a ranking based on the level of intolerance in they face from their respective cultures and family members.

Once a white person has told you about their gay friends, it is recommended that you say “I wish more people were like you,” every few months. This will allow them to feel good about their progressive choice of friends and remind them that they are better than other white people.

If you follow this simple rule, you should be able to maximize all benefits of white friendship including assistance in moving and free drinks.

My wife and I just got a roommate that not only fancies women but men as well.


Yay us!:cool:

Fixed.

This is true. But especially about being gay.

I once came home and walked in on my roommate Dan wanking to some computer porn. My reaction was, "Dude, the living room is pants-wearing territory!" His reaction was, "Wait, come here, check this out! This shit is awesome!"

He was also the one who disassembled our shower to make a still so he could make booze out of pineapple concentrate.

Not so much a room-mate, but a legend in the making, by the sounds of it. I remember a dude called raymond who was similarily unperturbed by being caught with his lad in his hand. His nickname was 'bastard'. He took dubious pleasure in using pictures of attractive women as toilet paper.

Aye, metrosexual is chic

Nah, I personally disagree with that, I go for the modern Neanderthal look. You know... like a slightly more sober Barney from Simpsons. but with more bloodstains and that manly whiff of old gunpowder and dead animals.

It does mean you have to find a woman into hunting and harvesting your own meat, but thats not too difficult :D

It does mean you have to find a woman into hunting and harvesting your own meat, but thats not too difficult :D

Once you lay out the right bait, its only a matter of waiting, really....

I think you should just take the room with him.

However, let him know your limits. If he shows interest in a relationship or sexual contact, just say "I'm not interested."

And as for him having sex in the room, that seems like a non-unique problem (You'd have a problem with him bringing some woman back and having sex with her while you're there, right?)

Now, I may be joking when I say the following, and I may not be. Ask someone who cares.

As a man, I would not want to have myself as a roommate, were I potentially sexually attracted to myself.
It would be rather complicated.
Even ignoring the whole having to clone me and then make my clone a homosexual by brainwashing him with liberal propoganda bit.

Sadly, I am sexually attracted to myself. It makes day to day activities quite difficult. Sometimes when I see a reflective surface I swoon.
Despite the fact that no one likes a swooner, I just can't quit myself. Damnit.

Relevant: Would most freshman girls be comfortable living in the same room as a guy she doesn't know, regardless of the fact that the guy probably won't be attracted to her and not all males are rapists?

Relevant: Would most freshman girls be comfortable living in the same room as a guy she doesn't know, regardless of the fact that the guy probably won't be attracted to her and not all males are rapists?

I was going to mention that, but it seemed too mundane.

Though I suppose it was a menial task and someone had to do it.

I was going to mention that, but it seemed too mundane.

Though I suppose it was a menial task and someone had to do it.

While it may be menial, pointing out the glaringly obvious flaws in other people's arguments is always fun.

While it may be menial, pointing out the glaringly obvious flaws in other people's arguments is always fun.

I don't know about you, but I consider myself to be a nice guy.

Shattering the worldviews of numerous individuals is hardly something a nice guy would do. Then again, nice guys always finish last. Depending on how one applies that saying, this is either good or bad.

I'll take the chance and refrain from breaking anyone's sensibilities.

I don't know about you, but I consider myself to be a nice guy.

Shattering the worldviews of numerous individuals is hardly something a nice guy would do. Then again, nice guys always finish last. Depending on how one applies that saying, this is either good or bad.

I'll take the chance and refrain from breaking anyone's sensibilities.

Sometimes shattering someone else's worldview is doing them a favor.

Either way.


It's still fun.

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else), waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!

Gays aren't out to butt-rape you. So chill out, you have nothing to worry about.

Serious thread. I respectfully request serious replies only, please! :(

Well, I will be attending first year uni next fall and recently got into contact with my future roommate. From email exchanges, the chap seems very pleasant and polite and I think I will get along great with him next year. However, recently he has revealed that he is gay, and asked me if I would be uncomfortable living with him as a roommate next year.

Here is the dilemma.

On one hand I would like to say that it's not a problem because I tend to be a very tolerant person and could hardly care less what another human being's preference is (plus as to not hurt his feelings and seem ignorant), but on the other I am quite concerned with all the possible challenges of living in close proximity with someone that is gay, ex: personal safety (maybe this is more paranoia and lack of information than anything else), waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away, etc etc. Also, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't wish to be hit on by other men. (well, I'm guessing just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they'll be attracted to all other men, but still)

I've had one good friend who was (covertly) bi-sexual but I thought of him as a normal person like anyone else, but yet I'm just a little bit concerned about living with someone who is homosexual as I've never really dealt with these types of situation before.

Help? Advice? Should I keep him as a roommate or should I ask for a reassignment? I'm having serious doubts on whether or not I could live comfortably in the environment, but yet I would really hate to treat someone differently just because of their orientation.

Thanks in advance!

My advice? Don't flatter yourself. I mean that all seriousness.

Personally i'd worry less about his sexual orientation than about his politics...

He might even want to vote for Obama... :P you'd have a clear need to tie him up till ballots were over then :D

Go with your gut. Dont room with someone who makes you uncomfortable. You might make it unpleasant for him too.

Maybe you should be honest and ask his opinion. Tell him how you feel and see what he says. Maybe he's gonna be like wanting reassignment too.

Relevant: Would most freshman girls be comfortable living in the same room as a guy she doesn't know, regardless of the fact that the guy probably won't be attracted to her and not all males are rapists?

If so then the girl must be a bigot, going along the same reasoning as some people on this thread.

We've abolished 'rape' and all sexually based offences are now sexual assaults. Generally.

So rape (http://www.opsi.gov.uk/Acts/acts2003/ukpga_20030042_en_1), in the UK is still only possible to commit if one has a penis. Then there is assault by penetration, sexual assault, and other sexually-based offences. Odd distinctions.

Then again, infanticide is a crime that can only be committed by a woman (why they need a separate category for infanticide I'll never understand), so I guess it's not unheard of for there to be gender-specific crimes. Still, a woman can only 'assault' while only men can rape? Silly.

Well women can't rape men because under the eyes of the law, and of a few lefties around the place women don't have the strength to rape. And there are some feminists who would deny that women would ever do that it is only a male who can rape. Which is why we sometimes see female teachers get off a lot lighter for having sex with a 13 year old boy that a male teacher having sex with a 16 year old girl.

He was also the one who disassembled our shower to make a still so he could make booze out of pineapple concentrate.

That's an awesome idea, I must get around to doing it.

waking up in the middle of the night to find two gents going at each other in a bed two metres away...

Can I move into your room? ...please?

Can I move into your room? ...please?

what? with a high res camera and a (gay) porn site's webmaster on the phone negotiating payment?

I'd rather move in with Paris :D she's already got the contacts ;) less work to get her to hawk them and I just rake in a share as co-star royalties :D

what? with a high res camera and a (gay) porn site's webmaster on the phone negotiating payment?

Money isn't the only valuable thing in life.

Relevant: Would most freshman girls be comfortable living in the same room as a guy she doesn't know, regardless of the fact that the guy probably won't be attracted to her and not all males are rapists?
I would have been far more comfortable with a male roommate than a female roommate, personally. I really wish that option had been available to me in freshman housing.

Go with your gut. Dont room with someone who makes you uncomfortable. You might make it unpleasant for him too.

Nonsense. Collegetime is a time to learn new things - including dealing with your gut.

If so then the girl must be a bigot, going along the same reasoning as some people on this thread.

I would have been far more comfortable with a male roommate than a female roommate, personally. I really wish that option had been available to me in freshman housing.

Neither of you answered the question: would most freshman girls be comfortable living with a guy they didn't know etc...? Would most freshman girls' parents be comfortable with it?

If it's bigoted, explain all-female/male dorms.

I would have been far more comfortable with a male roommate than a female roommate, personally. I really wish that option had been available to me in freshman housing.

Most females at that age aren't comfortable with the idea of a strange guy their own age as a roommate.

Alright. Thanks everyone for your advice... it seems a lot of people are quite opinionated about this lol. After reading all the responses and talking to my roommate a bit more, it seems that I've decided to live with him next year.

Alright. Thanks everyone for your advice... it seems a lot of people are quite opinionated about this lol. After reading all the responses and talking to my roommate a bit more, it seems that I've decided to live with him next year.

Remember, cake, no.

Relevant: Would most freshman girls be comfortable living in the same room as a guy she doesn't know, regardless of the fact that the guy probably won't be attracted to her and not all males are rapists?Not relevant.

Obviously, this argument cannot deal in easy abstractions: would most first-year university students be comfortable living in the same room as a person of the opposite sex whom he/she doesn't know, regardless of the fact that the person probably won't be attracted to her/him and not all people are rapists?

Clearly, sex and gender are significant factors here. I think we can say without question that a good number of freshman boys would be thrilled to share a room with a young woman... regardless of how inherently attractive they find her. Meanwhile, it seems just as likely (as you suggest) that young women might be leery of the idea... perhaps, indeed, precisely because they suspect how eager their roommate is likely to be, the expectations he is likely to have, the manner in which he is likely to behave.

This has nothing, or very little, to do with rape. Rape is an extreme. In a more universal sense it has to do with power and how power is perceived and experienced across gender lines in our society.

The fact that many young women desire a safe space, a room in which the social inequities of gender do not immediately extend does NOT entail that one can extend the same argument to a young man "afraid" of his gay roommate. If anything, the reverse is true: homosexual students, if they want it, might seek their own space, their own rooms, their own dorms. Personally, I think this tactic is counterproductive in this particular situation... but I'd respect the sentiment.

A young woman's reluctance to share a room with an unknown man has little to do with the possibility that he "may" be sexually attracted to her. It has everything to do with what sex, sexuality, and gender mean in the mind of the (typical) heterosexual male.

Neither of you answered the question: would most freshman girls be comfortable living with a guy they didn't know etc...? Would most freshman girls' parents be comfortable with it?

Who knows? I'm sure the first racially integrated dorms made a lot of people uncomfortable.


If it's bigoted, explain all-female/male dorms.
I have no problem with there being gender-segregated options available, though personally I view them as no different than if somebody wanted an all-white dorm. All I'm saying is that the option should be available. If a girl like me is more comfortable with a male roommate, why shouldn't that option be available to me?

A young woman's reluctance to share a room with an unknown man has little to do with the possibility that he "may" be sexually attracted to her. It has everything to do with what sex, sexuality, and gender mean in the mind of the (typical) heterosexual male.

That is exactly my point. Thank you for making it for me.

what? with a high res camera and a (gay) porn site's webmaster on the phone negotiating payment?

I'd rather move in with Paris :D she's already got the contacts ;) less work to get her to hawk them and I just rake in a share as co-star royalties :D

Men would think up marketing schemes. I'm just thinking of free live boysex.

That is exactly my point. Thank you for making it for me.How so? Your point appeared to be that the (arguably legitimate, certainly not discriminatory) fears or anxieties of young women vis-a-vis heterosexual men somehow justifies homophobia.

My argument demonstrates the exact opposite: you cannot draw the analogy. You are trying to obscure the gendered nature of this relationship (male/female) in favor of the more abstract relationship of (possible) attraction (attracted/attractor).

The comparison does not hold. Homophobia remains irrational and discriminatory.

The comparison does not hold. Homophobia remains irrational and discriminatory.

And I believe my question pointed out that a woman being uncomfortable with a male roommate is irrational and discriminatory. Nonetheless, all-female dorms exist, in which women not only do not have male roommates, they do not have male dorm-mates. Or you can say that this is not irrational, discriminatory behavior, and justify this position. When you do I will replace in your justification "woman" with "man" and "man" with "gay man" and proceed to ask you how the situation is different.

And I believe my question pointed out that a woman being uncomfortable with a male roommate is irrational and discriminatory.
And I believe that AnarchyeL's answer argued quite cogently that it is not irrational at all.