NationStates Jolt Archive

How people treat you when they think you're poor

Posted May 30 2008, 07:07 PM by Karen Datko

Shannon Christman isn't poor, but she is frugal, and sometimes other people confuse the two.

On occasion, salespeople have snubbed her -- and missed out on making a sale. Sometimes generous people offer help when it's not needed. Her thought-provoking post at Saving Advice should raise questions in any thinking person's mind about how quickly we make judgments about others. She also says, "The assumptions others make about my frugality -- usually that I have much less money than I actually do -- can be a benefit to me."

Her best anecdote is about picking a real estate agent. Shannon and her husband went with the agent who talked to them even though they looked too young to afford a house. She writes, "I sometimes wish that the Realtor in the neighboring booth, who dismissed our initial questions to talk with a wealthier-looking prospect, could have seen us signing closing papers on a mid-priced house shortly thereafter."

Another story she tells is about the couple who offered her family a kid's meal toy at a fast-food place, apparently because her family of four was sharing three menu items and one big soda. (They could have afforded more but it would have gone to waste.) Shannon wasn't offended. "After all, I can never be really sure that the motive was anything other than simple generosity," she says.

At times, there are benefits to looking poorer than you are, particularly when you're shopping for a car. Another is that other frugalists will identify with you. Shannon says, "Whether it's someone behind a counter who offers me a special deal that she knows a frugal person would appreciate, or a fellow shopper who is eager to pass on news of other bargains in the area, like-minded savers are good acquaintances to make."

Being invisible is probably the worst part of appearing poor. But it does have benefits sometimes. About a month ago my daughter and I went into a local Arby's because she was hungry (I had eaten at home so I wasn't hungry). My daughter ordered a meal, for which I paid. The young man behind the counter handed me the bag and the drink and winked at me, then went about his business. The bag seemed heavier than it should and when I looked in there was an extra sandwich (the store was empty at the time so it wasn't an error).

I'm going back to that Arby's and giving them a $20 towards helping people like that.

Do you have any stories like this, either about people who've done kindnesses for you or people you've helped?

My mom is like that - frugal; that's why she doesn't get robbed in the mean streets because she looks like an unattractive target. She once told a bank manager, "Sometimes it is the nicely-dressed that are the bank robbers; the ones that look downtrodden are your best customers."

I have a classmate who is filthy rich yet still wears old shirts, sometimes with holes. And there are other people who dress and act wealthier than they actually are.

We are pretty frugal, people don't really understand it. We have helped people out before because back when we didn't have as much money we were helped out a lot.

Most recently we bought a condo and it had a fridge in it, well, we already had our own so we gave the fridge to someone who through a friend of a friend we found out needed one. She came to get it and saw my car and said "are you sure you guys don't need to sell this and save it for a better car or something?" of course we didn't, my car is fine, it's just old. People often assume things about you by what you have or wear, it's kinda sad really. I do it too though, I saw her car and thought that she probably could have bought a fridge if she hadn't had to pay a car payment.

so if I wear a potato sack I will be better off? nah I'm ugly enough as it is :p

I always seem to help those looking confused more than the unclean masses I don't know why but for example I'm always the one to help kids out when they are so clearly lost at train stations (and I'm like the only person who does this)

The car thing is very funny. For years I've had cheap cars. No more than $2000. One lasted me 7 years without ever leaving me stranded, and it had very poor maintenance. The other lasted another 6 years also. I now have a car that once again would be worth less than $2000 and I just use it to get to the train station and back.
It's funny when I go to pay for my petrol with my work clothes (I'm a public servant, so it's casual corporate) and then they look at my rubbish car. Especially if it's winter and I have a jacket.

So many people pay big money for a car, when that extra $20K you are paying does very little.

The car thing is very funny. For years I've had cheap cars. No more than $2000. One lasted me 7 years without ever leaving me stranded, and it had very poor maintenance. The other lasted another 6 years also. I now have a car that once again would be worth less than $2000 and I just use it to get to the train station and back.
It's funny when I go to pay for my petrol with my work clothes (I'm a public servant, so it's casual corporate) and then they look at my rubbish car. Especially if it's winter and I have a jacket.

So many people pay big money for a car, when that extra $20K you are paying does very little.

I do the same thing. I pay $2-5K for a car and drive it until it dies, then I get another one. It seems to work out. They last me about 3 or 4 years on average.... which is less than $200 a month... it's cheap. I never have a car payment.

The car thing is very funny. For years I've had cheap cars. No more than $2000. One lasted me 7 years without ever leaving me stranded, and it had very poor maintenance. The other lasted another 6 years also. I now have a car that once again would be worth less than $2000 and I just use it to get to the train station and back.
It's funny when I go to pay for my petrol with my work clothes (I'm a public servant, so it's casual corporate) and then they look at my rubbish car. Especially if it's winter and I have a jacket.

So many people pay big money for a car, when that extra $20K you are paying does very little.

In a grindingly practical, utilitarian sense, perhaps. However, by any reasoning that admits to rather more romantic, emotive factors, a comfortable, attractic car is worth the money.

In a grindingly practical, utilitarian sense, perhaps. However, by any reasoning that admits to rather more romantic, emotive factors, a comfortable, attractic car is worth the money.
A piece of machinery isn't worth that much to me. My mother bought a car for $15K and financed it over 60 months. She still owes $8140 on it and it's worth $2400. That's not worth the money no matter how "attractive" it is.

A piece of machinery isn't worth that much to me. My mother bought a car for $15K and financed it over 60 months. She still owes $8140 on it and it's worth $2400. That's not worth the money no matter how "attractive" it is.

Much, I imagine, in the same way that designer clothes are wasteful no?

I don't even have a car, I use a bicycle when I need to go somewhere in the city. Granted, as a Dutchman it's rather common to use a bicycle to commute when you work and live in the same city. When I need to travel further, I use public transport.

Much, I imagine, in the same way that designer clothes are wasteful no?

Exactly.

I'm fine with my basic t-shirts and blue jeans, thanks.

Much, I imagine, in the same way that designer clothes are wasteful no?

Designer clothes are wasteful but in an entirely different way. A new car drops about 60% of it's value in the first 4 years. Designer clothes drop their value as soon as some twit decides something new is in fashion.

I refuse to pay $30 for a shirt that has a "name" with it. Similar shirts are selling for $5. Nobody would know the difference unless you show them the tag.

Exactly.

I'm fine with my basic t-shirts and blue jeans, thanks.

And I bet you look just as good as somebody who bothers to dress properly?

Designer clothes are wasteful but in an entirely different way. A new car drops about 60% of it's value in the first 4 years. Designer clothes drop their value as soon as some twit decides something new is in fashion.

I refuse to pay $30 for a shirt that has a "name" with it. Similar shirts are selling for $5. Nobody would know the difference unless you show them the tag.

Not most clothes, no; if one buys certain, quality items, they are ubiquitous. Something like an expensive suit, pair of shoes, jeans, trousers or shirt.

Just concede you're terribly utilitarian and dull.

And I bet you look just as good as somebody who bothers to dress properly?

If all your bits are covered up, you're dressed properly. :p I don't care how others think I "look" if that is based on what the tag on my dress says. I present myself in a clean and professional manner and anyone who has a problem with that can kiss my ass. If you want me to wear $200 jeans, then buy them for me, otherwise, mind your own business.

If all your bits are covered up, you're dressed properly. :p I don't care how others think I "look" if that is based on what the tag on my dress says. I present myself in a clean and professional manner and anyone who has a problem with that can kiss my ass. If you want me to wear $200 jeans, then buy them for me, otherwise, mind your own business.

It's all very easy saying people can kiss your ass when you'll never be in a position where anyone would care to.

And I bet you look just as good as somebody who bothers to dress properly?

I'm usually much better-looking, regardless of how I dress. Though that's a body thing, not an attire thing. And, if you're so concerned about your appearance, you're bound to have some personality flaws that need to be worked out.

That said, I do just fine with torn blue jeans, a well-worn t-shirt, and if it's cold enough, a denim jacket. My green beanie and shades are almost always on, no matter what.

Designer clothes are wasteful but in an entirely different way. A new car drops about 60% of it's value in the first 4 years. Designer clothes drop their value as soon as some twit decides something new is in fashion.

I refuse to pay $30 for a shirt that has a "name" with it. Similar shirts are selling for $5. Nobody would know the difference unless you show them the tag.

When my daughter was in middle school, my mother used to give her designer clothes (how a woman on a fixed income could afford this, I do not know). My daughter once wore her Gloria Vanderbilt jeans to climb a hill in back of her school; she slid down most of the hill, tearing the back completely out of the jeans. My mother was furious, but she never bought designer clothes for my tomboy daughter again, and, until my daughter graduated from high school, we bought all her jeans at Goodwill, the Salvation Army or Ross's. In fact, most of the family clothes are bought at discount stores or on sale and nothing is bought on credit.

We are pretty frugal, people don't really understand it. We have helped people out before because back when we didn't have as much money we were helped out a lot.

Most recently we bought a condo and it had a fridge in it, well, we already had our own so we gave the fridge to someone who through a friend of a friend we found out needed one. She came to get it and saw my car and said "are you sure you guys don't need to sell this and save it for a better car or something?" of course we didn't, my car is fine, it's just old. People often assume things about you by what you have or wear, it's kinda sad really. I do it too though, I saw her car and thought that she probably could have bought a fridge if she hadn't had to pay a car payment.

Amen. I have never purchased a new car and I never will. I have had such decent luck with used cars. I've had five vehicles since 1988, with the third not really counting as I had to buy it when I broke the leg that would push in the clutch. I drove my 1980 Toyota Tercel (2 door, 1.2L engine, only four forward gears, $800) from 80k to 170k miles in three years. My 1982 Toyota Corolla (4-door, 1.4L engine AND fifth gear, $1500) from 90k to 200k in four years. My 1981 Toyota Celica (1.6L, automatic, $1000) from 110k to 160k in three years. My 1991 Acura Integra RS (2 door, 1.8L, first in-car CD player, lively engine, $7500) from 65k to 175k in eight years. I've already driven my 2002 Honda Civic Si (short throw shifter in the dash, sunroof, actually built in the same decade in which I'm living, $12,000) from 30k to 70k in three years.

I live in the West -- we put miles on cars usually because we have very little choice in the matter. I also love to drive. While the prices of the cars I've bought over the years has increased, the return on my investment has been amazing. the best return has been that the last two cars have given me fewer and fewer reasons to fret about their condition. I loved my old Toyotas, but there were a few stretches where new noises would crop up and I'd be in a shop once a season getting something looked at or replaced. Once in a while, that's fine, but once it starts getting that worrisome, it's no longer frugal because it's wearing on my mind. I fully intend to drive my Civic until it cannot be driven anymore. Given how the Acura performed over eight years, and I'd purchased the 1991 Integra in 1998 -- meaning it was eight years old, and the Civic was only four to five years old when I bought it in 2006 -- I won't be looking for another car until at least 2014 or later. Hopefully much later, 'cause I love this car.

So for a total of about $28,000 and maintenance and a few repairs (including about $5000 over all those years), I've received 20 years of reliable transportation (I've been stranded a total of twice in that time). That averages to about $1400/year without counting gasoline, which has become expensive only recently.

The car thing is very funny. For years I've had cheap cars. No more than $2000. One lasted me 7 years without ever leaving me stranded, and it had very poor maintenance. The other lasted another 6 years also. I now have a car that once again would be worth less than $2000 and I just use it to get to the train station and back.
It's funny when I go to pay for my petrol with my work clothes (I'm a public servant, so it's casual corporate) and then they look at my rubbish car. Especially if it's winter and I have a jacket.

So many people pay big money for a car, when that extra $20K you are paying does very little.

Agreed completely. I would never buy a new car.

Exactly.

I'm fine with my basic t-shirts and blue jeans, thanks.

As am I. Work requires that I "professorize" my wardrobe to look appropriate, but I've only got one actual suit and I conduct/perform in my tuxedo ('cept for jazz).

All that said, I've got some pretty stupid financial errors to finish cleaning up over the next three years, so my frugality is born of necessity. I'm on the Douglas Adams plan -- a house by 42.

It's all very easy saying people can kiss your ass when you'll never be in a position where anyone would care to.

Good point.

I'm usually much better-looking, regardless of how I dress. Though that's a body thing, not an attire thing. And, if you're so concerned about your appearance, you're bound to have some personality flaws that need to be worked out.

That said, I do just fine with torn blue jeans, a well-worn t-shirt, and if it's cold enough, a denim jacket. My green beanie and shades are almost always on, no matter what.

That's fine, and again, I prefer being comfortable to being fashion savvy. So long as the clothes fit and look good on me, I don't care. However, many jobs and careers do care. Your look doesn't work in teaching/academia. Not unless you've got tenure and a very lax dress code.

And I bet you look just as good as somebody who bothers to dress properly?
ohhh, ouch.
Not most clothes, no; if one buys certain, quality items, they are ubiquitous. Something like an expensive suit, pair of shoes, jeans, trousers or shirt.

Just concede you're terribly utilitarian and dull.

who let mr grumpy out to play?

if you're so concerned about your appearance, you're bound to have some personality flaws that need to be worked out.

I think its the other way round surely? also I think your missing the point of what generic T-shirt and jeans actually mean

what is means is the epitome of why men shouldn't be allowed to dress themselves

That said, I do just fine with torn blue jeans, a well-worn t-shirt, and if it's cold enough, a denim jacket. My green beanie and shades are almost always on, no matter what.

its amazing how you managed to assemble a time machine from what was around in 1994 :p

I think its the other way round surely? also I think your missing the point of what generic T-shirt and jeans actually mean

what is means is the epitome of why men shouldn't be allowed to dress themselves



its amazing how you managed to assemble a time machine from what was around in 1994 :p

Being overly concerned with your own casual dress shows that you're insecure, and in my experience, this is 100% correct... Which is why I tend to not make friends with such people. Now, I wasn't speaking of business dress, which is totally different.

I've always dressed this way, since way back in 1991, when I was three years old. It just feels right, and is very relaxing. If it feels good, and looks right, why the hell not?

I think its the other way round surely? also I think your missing the point of what generic T-shirt and jeans actually mean

what is means is the epitome of why men shouldn't be allowed to dress themselves



its amazing how you managed to assemble a time machine from what was around in 1994 :p

Oh no, they're back alright. That's how I know I'm old. I hated the fact that shops were selling pre-"distressed" jeans back then, and I hate it even more now.

Being overly concerned with your own casual dress shows that you're insecure, and in my experience, this is 100% correct... Which is why I tend to not make friends with such people. Now, I wasn't speaking of business dress, which is totally different.

I've always dressed this way, since way back in 1991, when I was three years old. It just feels right, and is very relaxing. If it feels good, and looks right, why the hell not?

Because you've not met the right woman, who cares about you and wants you to look good for more than just you. See, I first started buying my own clothing right around 1988-89. What was in then? Baggy. Even the jeans were baggy. Since then, I had always bought clothing that effectively didn't fit me for being too large. My current paramour has re-introduced me to size L clothing, which actually does fit me. The shoulders on shirts are where they should be instead of down along my upper arm. I can tuck them in (without looking like I'm smuggling a snake or a money belt around the inside of the waist of my pants) or leave them out. I can no longer grab the front of my button-down shirts and pull it out a full six to ten inches from my chest, and nobody has to stand behind me in line and get a compelling view of the hair on my back peeking out over the collar of the back of my shirt because it's hanging so low.

I am comfy in my new 34" waist jeans, where they used to be 38", PLUS, I look hot to her and other agree. I have a nice ass, apparently -- nobody'd been able to see it with any definition before.

Nobody's asking anyone to drop thousands on new clothing, and stuff that fits and looks nice can be very affordable (outlet centers are your friend). Regardless, you're going to dress how you like and nobody should stop you. But if someone you care about is mentioning your look needs an update, trust me, it does NOT hurt to hear them out and give it a try.

I don't think that just because one likes to dress up to show he has style, cares for his self apperance and to show he's not a slob and has a bit of maturity, means that his personality is lacking...

For example. Sometimes (like right now) I just wear sneakers, basketball shorts and a T shirt...but if we're going somewhere, I like to wear nice jeans or so, a nice shirt (Calvin Klein shirts tend to do the trick) and nice shoes. I like to keep my body in excellent shape and take care of my skin, both because I think it's important that you make a good impression on others (whether that be hot girls, friends or simply people that may stop to look twice) and simply because it's good for your body to take care of yourself. Personally I think that if you DON'T care what you look like, and you just bum it out all day every day, it shows you have something lacking in your personality, ....maybe lacking some self resepct.

Having said that, I'd more likely look down on someone who doesn't take care of their body, skin and hygiene than someone who simply doesn't dress well. It's possible that they don't have the money, or simply have more important things to spend the money on, or simply didn't dress up THAT day. But not taking care of your body simply shows a lack of self respect and in general slobbyness, in my opinion.

Not most clothes, no; if one buys certain, quality items, they are ubiquitous. Something like an expensive suit, pair of shoes, jeans, trousers or shirt.

Just concede you're terribly utilitarian and dull.

It seems terribly vain to spend so much money on appearances. Most of the clothes I wear are the same ones I bought when I was 13 or so. I got them extra large so that they would always fit me (though I probably would still fit into a small size...) Some of the shirts are starting to fade but no one who matters cares. Although this comes more from my absolute hatred of shopping than from frugality but it's probably saved my parents a lot of money. I really hate shopping. I had to wait while my mom shopped for an hour today, and it was really annoying.

So unless I have some sort of interview or special event where I have to look nice, there's no reason to spend so much money on looking nice. Better to look "dull" and have more money to save for when I'll need it or use it on things that are fun to me than to waste it on expensive things that don't make me happy. In fact dressing nice makes me miserable, it makes me feel like people are looking at me and thinking things about me that they shouldn't think. Better to look dull and blend in, and then if you want to stand out it's really easy.

Oh no, they're back alright. That's how I know I'm old. I hated the fact that shops were selling pre-"distressed" jeans back then, and I hate it even more now.



Because you've not met the right woman, who cares about you and wants you to look good for more than just you. See, I first started buying my own clothing right around 1988-89. What was in then? Baggy. Even the jeans were baggy. Since then, I had always bought clothing that effectively didn't fit me for being too large. My current paramour has re-introduced me to size L clothing, which actually does fit me. The shoulders on shirts are where they should be instead of down along my upper arm. I can tuck them in (without looking like I'm smuggling a snake or a money belt around the inside of the waist of my pants) or leave them out. I can no longer grab the front of my button-down shirts and pull it out a full six to ten inches from my chest, and nobody has to stand behind me in line and get a compelling view of the hair on my back peeking out over the collar of the back of my shirt because it's hanging so low.

I am comfy in my new 34" waist jeans, where they used to be 38", PLUS, I look hot to her and other agree. I have a nice ass, apparently -- nobody'd been able to see it with any definition before.

Nobody's asking anyone to drop thousands on new clothing, and stuff that fits and looks nice can be very affordable (outlet centers are your friend). Regardless, you're going to dress how you like and nobody should stop you. But if someone you care about is mentioning your look needs an update, trust me, it does NOT hurt to hear them out and give it a try.

I agree here, but the women who are interested in me genuinely like my look, however odd that may seem. It simply fits my looks and my seriously laid-back personality, though I wouldn't object to a significant other trying to get me to try new things.

That said, I'm 5'11" with a 30" waist. I wear relaxed fit jeans, and they feel nice, but even so, it's difficult to find a pair at that size.

I'm usually much better-looking, regardless of how I dress. Though that's a body thing, not an attire thing. And, if you're so concerned about your appearance, you're bound to have some personality flaws that need to be worked out.

That said, I do just fine with torn blue jeans, a well-worn t-shirt, and if it's cold enough, a denim jacket. My green beanie and shades are almost always on, no matter what.

So, anybody who spends money on their appearance is a flawed person, whereas anybody who does not is wholly content? Sorry, I'm aware that's a little fascetious, but all the same, I'm not expounding the merits of spending money simply for the sake of it. More the merits of spending a reasonable amount on items where quality is telling; a good suit is noticably different to a bad one, just as quality leather shoes look infinitely better than synthetic imitations.

Oh no, they're back alright. That's how I know I'm old. I hated the fact that shops were selling pre-"distressed" jeans back then, and I hate it even more now.

I'm glad I'm not alone on this one. Your clothes should be distressed out of the love of wearing them too much, not because some fashion designer thinks it's "hip". It's lame.

So, anybody who spends money on their appearance is a flawed person, whereas anybody who does not is wholly content? Sorry, I'm aware that's a little fascetious, but all the same, I'm not expounding the merits of spending money simply for the sake of it. More the merits of spending a reasonable amount on items where quality is telling; a good suit is noticably different to a bad one, just as quality leather shoes look infinitely better than synthetic imitations.

No, it's not spending money on your appearance, it's worrying overmuch about it that shows you have insecurities.

"OH NO, I can't go to the supermarket in this wrinkled t-shirt! What will the public think!?" My dad is that way. And yes, he has... Several kinds of insecurities.

I agree with you on quality stuff, though. I'm that way about any product, really, and clothing is no exception. That's why I don't buy bargain bin stuff.

It seems terribly vain to spend so much money on appearances. Most of the clothes I wear are the same ones I bought when I was 13 or so. I got them extra large so that they would always fit me (though I probably would still fit into a small size...) Some of the shirts are starting to fade but no one who matters cares. Although this comes more from my absolute hatred of shopping than from frugality but it's probably saved my parents a lot of money. I really hate shopping. I had to wait while my mom shopped for an hour today, and it was really annoying.

So unless I have some sort of interview or special event where I have to look nice, there's no reason to spend so much money on looking nice. Better to look "dull" and have more money to save for when I'll need it or use it on things that are fun to me than to waste it on expensive things that don't make me happy. In fact dressing nice makes me miserable, it makes me feel like people are looking at me and thinking things about me that they shouldn't think. Better to look dull and blend in, and then if you want to stand out it's really easy.

I do not, and have not for several years, spent my parent's money on clothes. I buy what I can afford from what I earn, hence, that really is not an issue.

What is is that I would tend to the opposite of your stance. I don't seek to "stand out", however, simply blending in to the homogenous mass of uniformally dressed plebs really would be abhorrent.

I do not, and have not for several years, spent my parent's money on clothes. I buy what I can afford from what I earn, hence, that really is not an issue.

What is is that I would tend to the opposite of your stance. I don't seek to "stand out", however, simply blending in to the homogenous mass of uniformally dressed plebs really would be abhorrent.

Ah, my mom just randomly buys me clothes sometimes.

I don't really like being looked at so I kind of like blending in appearance-wise.


Can't finish typing more, got to go to graduation practice.

Being overly concerned with your own casual dress shows that you're insecure, and in my experience, this is 100% correct... Which is why I tend to not make friends with such people. Now, I wasn't speaking of business dress, which is totally different.

there is nothing wrong with taking pride in how you look is there? hell it shows a professional attitude and such unlike wearing some godaweful hoody with baked bean stains

I've always dressed this way, since way back in 1991, when I was three years old. It just feels right, and is very relaxing. If it feels good, and looks right, why the hell not?

its just the generic Grey option

Oh no, they're back alright. That's how I know I'm old. I hated the fact that shops were selling pre-"distressed" jeans back then, and I hate it even more now.

Recycle! The possibilities are endless...

A piece of machinery isn't worth that much to me. My mother bought a car for $15K and financed it over 60 months. She still owes $8140 on it and it's worth $2400. That's not worth the money no matter how "attractive" it is.
See, this is why you need to drive collectors cars. It's worked for me (except where it hasn't...<.< >.>)
Not most clothes, no; if one buys certain, quality items, they are ubiquitous. Something like an expensive suit, pair of shoes, jeans, trousers or shirt.

Just concede you're terribly utilitarian and dull.

I find that people who are this arrogant and concerned about their 'appearance' tend to end up looking like this tool box-
http://b5.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/01394/55/54/1394134555_s.jpg
I'm good.

I look poor because I am poor. The most that's rendered is that every once in a while if I stop too long in public people try to give me change. I usually just politely refuse, the situation then becomes embarrassing enough for the both of us to not do anything else. Occasionally I have to fight back the, "I work, dammit. I'm wearing my ratty shirt because I'm doing physical work today and don't want to ruin my two good shirts." The end of that sentence doesn't help...

there is nothing wrong with taking pride in how you look is there? hell it shows a professional attitude and such unlike wearing some godaweful hoody with baked bean stains



its just the generic Grey option



Recycle! The possibilities are endless...

1: There's a difference between low key and being trashy.

2: Trust me, there's nothing generic about my look. I may wear cheaper clothing, but I make sure it's of good quality, and that it's uniquely me, not some "kit" that I'm told to wear because it's "in style".

3: Worn-out blue jeans are best when worn.

I like wearing long-sleeved t-shirts in black or white, and jeans. But good, quality jeans and t-shirts, usually designer. Still, I only have three pairs and they last a long time, and about six or seven tops. I don't consider that to be "vain" - I like to look good, and I don't genuflect to the fashion designers when they decide what "good" looks like. If it's form-hugging, functional and clean (and preferably doesn't clash horribly), then that's "good", surely. The decision to wear designer clothing for me is entirely about quality. I don't care if anyone knows or not, they just feel better.
My gran had a summer outfit and a winter outfit when she was young, but she lived in near-abject poverty.

I do not, and have not for several years, spent my parent's money on clothes. I buy what I can afford from what I earn, hence, that really is not an issue.

What is is that I would tend to the opposite of your stance. I don't seek to "stand out", however, simply blending in to the homogenous mass of uniformally dressed plebs really would be abhorrent.
Ah, my mom just randomly buys me clothes sometimes.

I don't really like being looked at so I kind of like blending in appearance-wise.


Can't finish typing more, got to go to graduation practice.

Okay, back early because they let the top 10% of the class leave early.

I think what I meant was that I like to stand out because of what I've done and what I'm good at, not because of how I dress. And actually most people don't dress like me so maybe it's not blending in. Most girls seem to wear more like short skirts or shirts and tank tops, but that may just be because it's June and I'm in Florida. I just wear a black t-shirt and black pants regardless of weather (although I add a jacket or sweater when it's cold).

I guess I don't like wearing nice clothes because it makes me feel like I'm a doll instead of a person, I guess. I hate it when people dress me up and pick clothes for me to try and have me try them on and do stuff with my hair and force make up on me, it's really annoying and I felt like I couldn't do anything to stop them. That's happened a few times.

Ah, my mom just randomly buys me clothes sometimes.

I don't really like being looked at so I kind of like blending in appearance-wise.

Can't finish typing more, got to go to graduation practice.
Many of my relatives tend to buy me clothes on the traditional "gift-giving" occasions.

....

I have a lot of clothes now, most of which aren't worn all that often.

I tend not to blend in regardless, though, so...

How people treat you when they think you're poor

Posted May 30 2008, 07:07 PM by Karen Datko

Shannon Christman isn't poor, but she is frugal, and sometimes other people confuse the two.

On occasion, salespeople have snubbed her -- and missed out on making a sale. Sometimes generous people offer help when it's not needed. Her thought-provoking post at Saving Advice should raise questions in any thinking person's mind about how quickly we make judgments about others. She also says, "The assumptions others make about my frugality -- usually that I have much less money than I actually do -- can be a benefit to me."

Her best anecdote is about picking a real estate agent. Shannon and her husband went with the agent who talked to them even though they looked too young to afford a house. She writes, "I sometimes wish that the Realtor in the neighboring booth, who dismissed our initial questions to talk with a wealthier-looking prospect, could have seen us signing closing papers on a mid-priced house shortly thereafter."

Another story she tells is about the couple who offered her family a kid's meal toy at a fast-food place, apparently because her family of four was sharing three menu items and one big soda. (They could have afforded more but it would have gone to waste.) Shannon wasn't offended. "After all, I can never be really sure that the motive was anything other than simple generosity," she says.

At times, there are benefits to looking poorer than you are, particularly when you're shopping for a car. Another is that other frugalists will identify with you. Shannon says, "Whether it's someone behind a counter who offers me a special deal that she knows a frugal person would appreciate, or a fellow shopper who is eager to pass on news of other bargains in the area, like-minded savers are good acquaintances to make."

Being invisible is probably the worst part of appearing poor. But it does have benefits sometimes. About a month ago my daughter and I went into a local Arby's because she was hungry (I had eaten at home so I wasn't hungry). My daughter ordered a meal, for which I paid. The young man behind the counter handed me the bag and the drink and winked at me, then went about his business. The bag seemed heavier than it should and when I looked in there was an extra sandwich (the store was empty at the time so it wasn't an error).

I'm going back to that Arby's and giving them a $20 towards helping people like that.

Do you have any stories like this, either about people who've done kindnesses for you or people you've helped?

I thought that was the best part!:confused:

Sometimes people mis take me as poor because I really don't care about the style, or even condition of my cloaths, and often go shopping at goodwill for them. Not poor, just cheap. *Shrugs*

Many of my relatives tend to buy me clothes on the traditional "gift-giving" occasions.

....

I have a lot of clothes now, most of which aren't worn all that often.

I tend not to blend in regardless, though, so...

Sometimes it's not even a gift-giving time, she just comes home and says that she bought me some clothes and it seems really random.

Not most clothes, no; if one buys certain, quality items, they are ubiquitous. Something like an expensive suit, pair of shoes, jeans, trousers or shirt.

Just concede you're terribly utilitarian and dull.

Why would you want to spend time on your appearance at home?

Crickey, as if it doesn't take long enough to look smart on a day when you have too. Why would I want to waste time getting ready when I have nothing to do?

Scruffy old t-shirts beat designer clothes any day.

It seems terribly vain to spend so much money on appearances. Most of the clothes I wear are the same ones I bought when I was 13 or so. I got them extra large so that they would always fit me (though I probably would still fit into a small size...) Some of the shirts are starting to fade but no one who matters cares. Although this comes more from my absolute hatred of shopping than from frugality but it's probably saved my parents a lot of money. I really hate shopping. I had to wait while my mom shopped for an hour today, and it was really annoying.

So unless I have some sort of interview or special event where I have to look nice, there's no reason to spend so much money on looking nice. Better to look "dull" and have more money to save for when I'll need it or use it on things that are fun to me than to waste it on expensive things that don't make me happy. In fact dressing nice makes me miserable, it makes me feel like people are looking at me and thinking things about me that they shouldn't think. Better to look dull and blend in, and then if you want to stand out it's really easy.

doesnt your mom give you a hard time about your wardrobe?

do family members tend to buy you nice clothes for xmas/birthdays? if so, do you wear them?

this is not to imply that i think there is anything wrong with your choice, i just wonder how your family deals with a non-standard daughter.

doesnt your mom give you a hard time about your wardrobe?

do family members tend to buy you nice clothes for xmas/birthdays? if so, do you wear them?

this is not to imply that i think there is anything wrong with your choice, i just wonder how your family deals with a non-standard daughter.

Sometimes she tries to get me to buy other clothes but not usually. Sometimes she gives me a hard time about my pants because she thinks they're too short (they're probably ones that I got years ago and I've grown taller since then).

And no, not really. They buy me new t-shirts that I want for my birthday sometimes though. Usually it's more like video games or gift cards though.

And my brothers dress pretty much the same way as I do, with the exception that one of them will wear the same pair of boxers for like a week straight and wears shorts instead of pants...

Why would you want to spend time on your appearance at home?

Crickey, as if it doesn't take long enough to look smart on a day when you have too. Why would I want to waste time getting ready when I have nothing to do?

Scruffy old t-shirts beat designer clothes any day.

It occurs to me that I might have a skewed idea of designer. I do have a suit that cost $200, it's for when I need to wear a suit, but if I had bought the "designer" one it would have been over $1K.

I have this crazy financial philosophy called "Live on less than I make". I don't have a PS3, flat screen tV, or nice car, but I also have no debt. I like not having debt.

It occurs to me that I might have a skewed idea of designer. I do have a suit that cost $200, it's for when I need to wear a suit, but if I had bought the "designer" one it would have been over $1K.

My wife's family have lots of money. My sister-in-law is a snob about these things. My wife and I wear jeans that cost £5 a pair. She wears jeans that cost £100+ a pair.

I'll be damned if I can tell the difference.

The only reason to wear designer clothes is to let other people know that you are wearing designer clothes. If someone buys a $1k suit when your $200 one is just as good, then they've wasted $800 on a name that no one can see unless they leave the trousers hanging down with the label out, or they loudly tell everyone that it is designer.

Sometimes she tries to get me to buy other clothes but not usually. Sometimes she gives me a hard time about my pants because she thinks they're too short (they're probably ones that I got years ago and I've grown taller since then).

And no, not really. They buy me new t-shirts that I want for my birthday sometimes though. Usually it's more like video games or gift cards though.

And my brothers dress pretty much the same way as I do, with the exception that one of them will wear the same pair of boxers for like a week straight and wears shorts instead of pants...

seems like you have a cool mom.

seems like you have a cool mom.

Sometimes. But she gives me a hard time about my hair all the time and she was just yelling at my brother about his lips.

I have this crazy financial philosophy called "Live on less than I make". I don't have a PS3, flat screen tV, or nice car, but I also have no debt. I like not having debt.
^this. I do have a flat screen TV but I paid cash and got it on sale. haha.


My wife's family have lots of money. My sister-in-law is a snob about these things. My wife and I wear jeans that cost £5 a pair. She wears jeans that cost £100+ a pair.

I'll be damned if I can tell the difference.

The only reason to wear designer clothes is to let other people know that you are wearing designer clothes. If someone buys a $1k suit when your $200 one is just as good, then they've wasted $800 on a name that no one can see unless they leave the trousers hanging down with the label out, or they loudly tell everyone that it is designer.
Yep. Besides if you pay the $10 to have it tailored you are going to look better than the person in the $1K off the rack suit anyway.

My wife's family have lots of money. My sister-in-law is a snob about these things. My wife and I wear jeans that cost £5 a pair. She wears jeans that cost £100+ a pair.

I'll be damned if I can tell the difference.

The only reason to wear designer clothes is to let other people know that you are wearing designer clothes. If someone buys a $1k suit when your $200 one is just as good, then they've wasted $800 on a name that no one can see unless they leave the trousers hanging down with the label out, or they loudly tell everyone that it is designer.

its easier for men. if you pay $1k for a suit you will be able to wear it for years to come. if *I* pay $1k for a suit, it will be out of fashion by next year at the latest.

its more economical for a woman to step back from designer clothes so that she can not just pay less but wear what she buys longer without looking incorrect. a $200 suit will probably be fine for a few years.

expensive jeans are a waste of money no matter what gender. finding a brand that fits well is far more important than how much you pay for them.

Ecsh. What's that phrase...something about marginal returns? Does that apply here?

Ecsh. What's that phrase...something about marginal returns? Does that apply here?

"Conspicuous consumption" would be better, a phrase coined by the wonderful Thorstein Veblen. (I just finished his book, hence my enthusiasm.)

How about people thinking you're rich, when you're poor? :p

I may only own six shirts and two pairs of pants, but they're decent, 20-dollar shirts, and I hang them up wet on a line, which makes them pretty sharp. People seem to like to show me their expensive toys, without realizing that their gadget would cost me two months' pay. I spend $20/month on food, got my t.v. for free, paid $900 for my car (still running two years later!) and am posting from a 7-year old computer. That's my entire list of possessions. :) But no one would think I'm not middle-class unless I said so.

Much, I imagine, in the same way that designer clothes are wasteful no?
It's reasonable to buy 'nice' clothes if you need to make a good first impression on someone. I find that no one cares that I don't have a Brooks Brothers label in my Stafford suits, nor for any special markings on my well-shined
Florsheim wing-tips. The clothes fit, they look good, but they aren't haute-couture.

I have this crazy financial philosophy called "Live on less than I make". I don't have a PS3, flat screen tV, or nice car, but I also have no debt. I like not having debt.
There's a book that was popular a few years back... I think it was called "The Millionaire Next Door". It was mainly about living below one's means.

How about people thinking you're rich, when you're poor? :p

I may only own six shirts and two pairs of pants, but they're decent, 20-dollar shirts, and I hang them up wet on a line, which makes them pretty sharp. People seem to like to show me their expensive toys, without realizing that their gadget would cost me two months' pay. I spend $20/month on food, got my t.v. for free, paid $900 for my car (still running two years later!) and am posting from a 7-year old computer. That's my entire list of possessions. :) But no one would think I'm not middle-class unless I said so.

$20.00/month on food! Where do you shop?

Not caring how other people think of you isn't very professional, Smunkee. Of course, you being a homemaker, I'm sure the only people that see you are the Smunklings.

I'm more than happy to pay $30+ for a shirt, because they're quality, very comfortable, and other people generally appreciate you dressing nicely. *nod*

I always say you can never judge a book by it's cover. Many of you already pointed out what I already know about frugal vs poor. Most and I stress most that have huge homes and expensive cars live way beyond their means. I got to the point I am now by being frugal.

I had a situation in the UK when I worked there. I had a co-worker arrange a trip to Dublin for the weekend. I was younger and was cool with the group. Well I wasn't asked to go. I approached the co-worker one on one and asked if there was a reason I wasn't invited. I hung around this group often so there was really no reason that I shouldn't go. He said that he didn't want to embarrass me because of not having enough money. I chuckled a bit and said are you serious? He was, so I told him that I could pay for the whole trip and everyone going on it without a problem. He looked a bit dumbfounded. He explained that he thought I couldn't afford it because I was living with my girlfriend in Leeds and drove a older car around. He was driving a nice car living in Harrogate, Yorkshire paying huge rent. Turns out that I was making about 30% more then he was (45k quid) roughly 80k USD at the time. I had no bills at all except I paid for food. The girlfriend had her place, utilities and car paid by her company. She is a well known advertising exec. Together our disposable income was near 100k quid. His was probably no where near that. Was funny and I still laugh a bit about it today. I know many people that are millionaires many times over and you wouldn't guess they were above middle class.

There's a book that was popular a few years back... I think it was called "The Millionaire Next Door". It was mainly about living below one's means.

Yes and everyone that aspires to have a bit of a nest egg should pick that up. The wife and I still live under our current means. We could buy much more than we have but I would rather have that money working for me.

I also want to add if one is making as a couple 100k or alone as an individual they should live like they make 50k. Invest 40-50% of your net income and you will see it grow leaps and bounds in a very short time.

My mom is like that - frugal; that's why she doesn't get robbed in the mean streets because she looks like an unattractive target. She once told a bank manager, "Sometimes it is the nicely-dressed that are the bank robbers; the ones that look downtrodden are your best customers."

I have a classmate who is filthy rich yet still wears old shirts, sometimes with holes. And there are other people who dress and act wealthier than they actually are.

I do that for the same reason, and also to ovoid becoming targeted by scrappers and such. If somebody were to beat up a poorly dressed man pretending to be an utter retard they are barely proving anything.

Yes and everyone that aspires to have a bit of a nest egg should pick that up. The wife and I still live under our current means. We could buy much more than we have but I would rather have that money working for me.

I also want to add if one is making as a couple 100k or alone as an individual they should live like they make 50k. Invest 40-50% of your net income and you will see it grow leaps and bounds in a very short time.

Regardless, there's a balance between living frugally and looking decent.

I could probably get away with wearing jeans and a T-shirt to work, very possibly, but the fact is that at a certain point in businesss, dressing well, discreetly fashionable, does say something about you, how you might conduct your business.

There's an interesting phenomenon in China where all the luxury goods are in the living room, where guests are likely to be whereas the kitchen can be very sparse, cheapest fridges and ovens - not that many people in China have, or use, ovens. What shows is considered to count, causes problems for GE though, with their ice-dispensing, TV-installed refrigerators.

Like any animal, outward appearances say something about who we are and while it's all very cool to say 'I don't care', not everyone can afford to take that position.

I doubt you, Marrakech, go to meet potential insurance clients wearing sandals and shorts.

I doubt you, Marrakech, go to meet potential insurance clients wearing sandals and shorts.


As for the Chinese I learned they are probably the "cheapest" people on Earth or the most frugal however you want to look at it.

As for the way I dress I always have dressed good for the occasion. However one does not need to spend a bundle to look good. I myself buy expensive shoes. The rest of the attire is bought here and there when there is a decent deal. Heard from more than one woman that shoes are the first thing people notice.

As for the Chinese I learned they are probably the "cheapest" people on Earth or the most frugal however you want to look at it.

As for the way I dress I always have dressed good for the occasion. However one does not need to spend a bundle to look good. I myself buy expensive shoes. The rest of the attire is bought here and there when there is a decent deal. Heard from more than one woman that shoes are the first thing people notice.

I've seen the pictures you've posted, you use avocado butter face cream and mandarin peach shaving lotion - I can tell.

Vain bastard!

I've seen the pictures you've posted, you use avocado butter face cream and mandarin peach shaving lotion - I can tell.

Just got my first pedicure the other week. Was actually a bit nice really. As for the face cream I prefer cucumber. The avocado upsets my skin PH.

Vain bastard!
I say cut the Vain part off and go with the rest. :p

Not caring how other people think of you isn't very professional, Smunkee. Of course, you being a homemaker, I'm sure the only people that see you are the Smunklings.

That's untrue. I have a suit for when I practice in tax court. I also leave the house sometimes for like social events and to schmooze with hubby and the execs. A cheap suit well tailored is better than an expensive off the rack any day. Besides, my summer profession requires outlandish outfits that no fashionista would be caught dead in. Tim Gunn would roll over in his grave.

That's untrue. I have a suit for when I practice in tax court. I also leave the house sometimes for like social events and to schmooze with hubby and the execs. A cheap suit well tailored is better than an expensive off the rack any day. Besides, my summer profession requires outlandish outfits that no fashionista would be caught dead in. Tim Gunn would roll over in his grave.

You also speak French and you know anyone that speaks French is sophisticated.... ;)

You also speak French and you know anyone that speaks French is sophisticated.... ;)

I speak French badly, but I'm so cute doing it that people just let me get away with my butchering. :D

How people treat you when they think you're poor

Posted May 30 2008, 07:07 PM by Karen Datko

Shannon Christman isn't poor, but she is frugal, and sometimes other people confuse the two.

On occasion, salespeople have snubbed her -- and missed out on making a sale. Sometimes generous people offer help when it's not needed. Her thought-provoking post at Saving Advice should raise questions in any thinking person's mind about how quickly we make judgments about others. She also says, "The assumptions others make about my frugality -- usually that I have much less money than I actually do -- can be a benefit to me."

Her best anecdote is about picking a real estate agent. Shannon and her husband went with the agent who talked to them even though they looked too young to afford a house. She writes, "I sometimes wish that the Realtor in the neighboring booth, who dismissed our initial questions to talk with a wealthier-looking prospect, could have seen us signing closing papers on a mid-priced house shortly thereafter."

Another story she tells is about the couple who offered her family a kid's meal toy at a fast-food place, apparently because her family of four was sharing three menu items and one big soda. (They could have afforded more but it would have gone to waste.) Shannon wasn't offended. "After all, I can never be really sure that the motive was anything other than simple generosity," she says.

At times, there are benefits to looking poorer than you are, particularly when you're shopping for a car. Another is that other frugalists will identify with you. Shannon says, "Whether it's someone behind a counter who offers me a special deal that she knows a frugal person would appreciate, or a fellow shopper who is eager to pass on news of other bargains in the area, like-minded savers are good acquaintances to make."

Being invisible is probably the worst part of appearing poor. But it does have benefits sometimes. About a month ago my daughter and I went into a local Arby's because she was hungry (I had eaten at home so I wasn't hungry). My daughter ordered a meal, for which I paid. The young man behind the counter handed me the bag and the drink and winked at me, then went about his business. The bag seemed heavier than it should and when I looked in there was an extra sandwich (the store was empty at the time so it wasn't an error).

I'm going back to that Arby's and giving them a $20 towards helping people like that.

Do you have any stories like this, either about people who've done kindnesses for you or people you've helped?

My now deceased former landlord was just like this woman. He kind of looked like a hobo and sometimes people would give him free food out of charity. he was one of the wealthiest men in town and a really nice guy. I liked him a lot. Although I am not as thrifty as he, he is a kind of thrify role model or inspiration.