NationStates Jolt Archive

Mostly it comes up as an argument between me and GT about how we relate to people, so I had to think about it a bit.

Essentially, my view is that I'm not really 'better' than anyone else. The problem is, I don't know what other people have been through, and what has led them to make the choices they have, good or bad. So yes, I can pass judgment on say, my crack-head cousin who gave birth to three addicted babies. But I can't hate her, and I can't stop wanting to help her. Because she's gone through a lot of horrible shit herself, and no, that excuses nothing...but I can't say with 100% certainty that were I in her position, things would be different.

I am a firm believer that there is something commonly human in all of us, some sliver of similarity we can build on....barring extremes cases that I simply wouldn't be willing to deal with on any level. That doesn't mean I love everyone, or would give everyone the time of day...it just means I won't write most people off as sub-human or inherently less important than me.

That means that I can find common ground with people who don't necessarily share the same political, social, or moral opinions as I. It doesn't mean I would never call them on those differences, it just means that you don't have to fit into all the 'right' boxes else earn my eternal scorn.

I know I've accomplished some pretty good things in my life so far, but I don't think I'm anything special. Maybe it's that we're taught to be humble. So while I can believe myself right, and others wrong...it doesn't mean that I think I'm better, and they worse.

What's your approach to the tangled web of human relationships?

Quite simply 'live and let live', unless of course you are afflicted by the stupidity that we call racisim; then, well you're fair game for my taunts and ire.

I try to be tolerant of other people and their views, 'try' being the operative word. I can get pushed really pretty far in real life and not say anything. Online, obviously, I get a bit more pissy with people, mainly because I don't have to talk to them or see them day after day in person.

I suck in building them human relationships :(

I find I can accept most aspects of humanity, except for the unwillingness to think for oneself.
The dilema I'm in with regards to that is that I feel it's not ever in any way positive, and I can't say I've heard a good excuse yet as to why somebody wasn't thinking for his/herself. So I think maybe I should not accept it...

I suck in building them human relationships :(
Simple solution - make a robot to do your bidding :p

I'm actually much more tolerant online than I am IRL. I pretty much don't like people, and will tell them this. At least online I don't really know you so it's kinda hard to write you off as useless.

Poorly. It's why I'm on teh intranets :pHo, yes! We're all damaged goods. If this weren't the case, we wouldn't be posting in NSG. :D

Poorly. It's why I'm on teh intranets :p

I suppose I'm an optimist with a low tolerance for bullshit.

Usually I can get on well with most people, and I certainly have the attitude that the vast, vast majority of people are good sorts deep down; even if that's hidden by a thick layer of nonsense.

However, I'm very quick to dismiss bullshit behaviour; if I think you're acting like a twat, you'll soon hear about it. Unfortunately, many folks seem to interpret this as me labelling them as twats, rather than just their behaviour.

I was given the gift of being able, for the most part, to imagine myself in others' situations, regardless of whether or not I've walked a mile in their moccasins. As such, I do my humanity-flawed best to live by the Golden Rule and be aware of karma when it comes to dealing with others.

I can get quite impatient at times with people who seem incapable of understanding that there are other people in the world and that the world does not revolve around any one person. This is worse when I'm tired.

Ho, yes! We're all damaged goods. If this weren't the case, we wouldn't be posting in NSG. :D

Truer words were rarely spoken.

Ho, yes! We're all damaged goods. If this weren't the case, we wouldn't be posting in NSG. :D

And even here, thank god for ignore lists, neh?

I give everyone a second chance, but past that, I'm no sucker. They have to work for my friendship/help/whatever. Bullshitters annoy me, and I don't put up with it. I have a small circle of extremely close friends, and beyond that, I can be pretty personable if I so choose, but I'm not the kind to have 'acquaintances'. I don't have as much time to socialise as I used to, so I tend to choose to hang around with people I know I will have a good time with and that won't bore me to tears.

Overall, I'm optimistic about people in general though...I think that you can get along with most people even if you disagree on certain important points. Most of us have done this already with family members anyway. You know...don't talk to Aunt Sarah about environmentalism etc...

I was given the gift of being able, for the most part, to imagine myself in others' situations, regardless of whether or not I've walked a mile in their moccasins.

I know what you mean. It's called intuition..with a little bit of compassion too. I probably justify things people have done to me, even when they don't deserve it. Or when most of the people would say they don't anyway..

I know what you mean. It's called intuition..with a little bit of compassion too. I probably justify things people have done to me, even when they don't deserve it. Or when most of the people would say they don't anyway..

Man I would have called it empathy, but shit what do I know!:D

I know what you mean. It's called intuition..with a little bit of compassion too. I probably justify things people have done to me, even when they don't deserve it. Or when most of the people would say they don't anyway..

I was no saint growing up, and I did harm, and I treated people like shit, and I treated myself like shit...but I turned out okay. I have a lot more patience for teens and the early-20s crowd because there seems to be a pattern they follow and eventually yes, they do seem to grow out of the need to be right all the time. Someone in their 30s who acts like that is bound to get less patience from me.

I grew up around alcoholics, drug addicts, gang members, criminals...some of them never got out and let their lives go to hell. The ones who did get out seem to me to be some of the strongest people I've ever met and every one of them has a story about someone who didn't write them off as scum. So I think it's important that there always be people out there willing to lend people a hand, and not judge them forever based on the actions of a period of time.

I give everyone a second chance, but past that, I'm no sucker. They have to work for my friendship/help/whatever. Bullshitters annoy me, and I don't put up with it. I have a small circle of extremely close friends, and beyond that, I can be pretty personable if I so choose, but I'm not the kind to have 'acquaintances'. I don't have as much time to socialise as I used to, so I tend to choose to hang around with people I know I will have a good time with and that won't bore me to tears.

Overall, I'm optimistic about people in general though...I think that you can get along with most people even if you disagree on certain important points. Most of us have done this already with family members anyway. You know...don't talk to Aunt Sarah about environmentalism etc...

Like Freebourne said -- interpersonal intuition. I find it somewhat lacking in today's world, but that's probably because I'm approaching 40.

I am able to get along very well with people from all backgrounds and cultures and communicate effectively with them. Thus my success in life. I believe my degrees in Anthropology and English have served me well in expanding that ability.

One does not need to like a person or believe as they do in order to play and work nicely together. I tend to surround myself with people who have different beliefs than I. What that means is that I am able to be myself and disagree with them and I agree that they are allowed to do the same to me. I don't keep people around who wish me to be an echo-chamber.

We tend to be more hasty when we're younger. Also more self-righteous and intolerant.
Hullo!

Like Freebourne said -- interpersonal intuition. I find it somewhat lacking in today's world, but that's probably because I'm approaching 40.

We tend to be more hasty when we're younger. Also more self-righteous and intolerant.

We tend to be more hasty when we're younger. Also more self-righteous and intolerant.

Yep, and ohhhhh sooo stupid. Man I wish I could take back some of the things I said and done as a youth. But I can't so I'll let that go.

Then again, as you all well know, I can be an irritating, intolerant bitch when I'm debating. The thing is, I don't actually take it personally or mean it personally. I don't have to be a mealy-mouthed sweet-as-honey maid in order to care about people, nor do I have to eat shit and pretend it's cake when someone serves it up on a platter.

Simple solution - make a robot to do your bidding :p
I have no money. :(

Then again, as you all well know, I can be an irritating, intolerant bitch when I'm debating. The thing is, I don't actually take it personally or mean it personally. I don't have to be a mealy-mouthed sweet-as-honey maid in order to care about people, nor do I have to eat shit and pretend it's cake when someone serves it up on a platter.

Amen. Amen twice.

Fighting hard does not preclude basic courtesy.

Then again, as you all well know, I can be an irritating, intolerant bitch when I'm debating. The thing is, I don't actually take it personally or mean it personally. I don't have to be a mealy-mouthed sweet-as-honey maid in order to care about people, nor do I have to eat shit and pretend it's cake when someone serves it up on a platter.

Wish I could that in RL.

....nor do I have to eat shit and pretend it's cake when someone serves it up on a platter.



Heh that is my wifes biggest gripe about me. She says, why do you give these people too many chances, if all they do is shit all over you.

I say, darling I can't force people to be nice, they are what they are, and I just don't worry about their behaviour.

Heh that is my wifes biggest gripe about me. She says, why do you give these people too many chances, if all they do is shit all over you.

I say, darling I can't force people to be nice, they are what they are, and I just don't worry about their behaviour.

Well it's about knowing when to pick your fights too.

I think the focus of this thread is more about perception of others rather than relating to them, seeing as the former is the driving force behind the latter.

Generally, I'm annoyed very few few things people do. The thing that most gets me is people acting as if the world revolves around them; they have no notion, and/or concern, about how their actions effect others. I'm the opposite, I always consider the consequences of my actions, almost too much, as I don't always speak out when others are acting like the above, though that is more of a lack of social confidence problem.

Well it's about knowing when to pick your fights too.

Ohh don't get me wrong, I'm capable of blowing my top. But say for example that I called the plumber out and he didn't turn up until the day after her promised to come.

l would let him do his work, pay him for it, and never use his services again,, rather than being confrontational and calling him all sorts.

Yep I'm a great cutter-outer. Piss me off, get outa my life.

I hate you all. This makes things much simpler. Not better, just simpler.

Public poll, bah(this forum needs more emoticons).

Public poll, bah(this forum needs more emoticons).
Well at first I thought all those arrogant pricks out there who want to vote 'I'm better than you' wouldn't because it was public, but then I thought, oh come on, those arrogant pricks WANT you to know it, and I'd ruin it for them otherwise :D

Public poll, bah(this forum needs more emoticons).

Ask Dyakovo. I think he buys them by the gross.

I sometimes come off as a self-righteouss jerk online, but in real life, I am a self-righteous asshole.

Just kidding. People always come up to me and tell me how nice I am. Its to the point where I regularly have people coming to me for help, even though I have many problems myself. Either way, I feel like I am more considerant and tolerant of people than most. I usually build friendships with just about anyone.

I don't care for needy or overly social people. I leave people alone unless I want something from them.

I leave people alone unless I want something from them.

How Machiavellian. ;)

I voted for the "better than everyone" response, because, to be perfectly honest, my default appraisal of someone that I first meet is to assume that I'm better than them, or at least far smarter. Now, I am very quick to change my opinion if a circumstance or individual warrants it, so I guess that redeems it a bit.

I also picked the "turn the other cheek" option, because I'm far too forgiving most of the time.

How Machiavellian. ;)

as it turns out, you're right.

As for the poll...

Turn the other cheek, go ahead, beat me to death... I want to die anyway.

I let minor annoyances and stuff like that slide, but if you do something particularly bad to me or my friends, I'll get you. I respect and trust everybody to one degree or another unless they do something to destroy those sentiments.

I'm not really 'better' than anyone else.

I am.

I am.

Please see post #33.

I could out hunt you, I could out-bead you, and guaranteed I'm better at kneeling on rice.

Doesn't make me better. :P

Please see post #33.

I could out hunt you, I could out-bead you, and guaranteed I'm better at kneeling on rice.

Doesn't make me better. :P

Funny how confused Neo is on the "better" thing.

Funny how confused Neo is on the "better" thing.

Depends on the definition of 'better' I suppose. I mean, I would count myself better as a person than say, Hitler...in the moral sense. Not better at genocide though.

Extreme examples such as Hitler aside, I don't generally believe I know enough about other people to judge myself 'better' than them. Certain skills are easier to judge, but I can't extrapolate from those skills alone and make the wider judgment.

Please see post #33.

I could out hunt you, I could out-bead you, and guaranteed I'm better at kneeling on rice.

Doesn't make me better. :P

s'ok, have fun playing with beads. I'll be over here doing real work :p

s'ok, have fun playing with beads. I'll be over here doing real work :p

says the guy whose skills wouldn't keep him alive three days alone in the wilderness...

says the guy whose skills wouldn't keep him alive three days alone in the wilderness...

the last time I saw wilderness anywhere near my house I was making out in the boston public garden.

This isn't the wild and untamed wilderness of the unexplored unknown. This is civilized society. While I understand the cultural importance of such activities, and realize why one would engage in it, holding yourself out as someone who could "survive three days alone in the wilderness" doesn't make you special.

It makes you anachronistic.

So, again, good for you that you can kill a deer with your bare hands. I'll be over here in the real world doing things that are actually important

the last time I saw wilderness anywhere near my house I was making out in the boston public garden.

This isn't the wild and untamed wilderness of the unexplored unknown. This is civilized society. While I understand the cultural importance of such activities, and realize why one would engage in it, holding yourself out as someone who could "survive three days alone in the wilderness" doesn't make you special.

It makes you anachronistic.

So, again, good for you that you can kill a deer with your bare hands. I'll be over here in the real world doing things that are actually important

hope then, that civilization doesn't collapse for any reason...

hope then, that civilization doesn't collapse for any reason...

I live in a major city. Should society collapse overnight I'm fairly certain I won't survive the initial volly long enough to live to see the aftermath.

Moreover, I'm not too afraid of the collapse of society because I'm not, you know, a raving fucking lunatic.

I sex all:p.

I don't like to relate to other people. They're idiots. Like me.

I live in a major city. Should society collapse overnight I'm fairly certain I won't survive the initial volly long enough to live to see the aftermath.

Moreover, I'm not too afraid of the collapse of society because I'm not, you know, a raving fucking lunatic.

I guess you don't need to know how to swim, drive a car, etc...

I guess you don't need to know how to swim, drive a car, etc...

of course I don't need to. I neither drive to work nor get there by swimming down the Charles, therefore swimming and driving are not part of my function in society, so why in the world would I need to?

I guess you don't need to know how to swim, drive a car, etc...

Knowing how to drive a car can help keep you alive in the wilderness for three days? Maybe if you're just driving past the wilderness.

Knowing how to drive a car can help keep you alive in the wilderness for three days? Maybe if you're just driving past the wilderness.

Neo was saying he lives in a city, so there are a lot of things he doesn't have to know how to do.

I see how far that got the residents of New Orleans who trusted in the government to move them to the Superdome.

Neo was saying he lives in a city, so there are a lot of things he doesn't have to know how to do.

I see how far that got the residents of New Orleans who trusted in the government to move them to the Superdome.

and again, I'm not the lunatic who sits around jerking off to thoughts about how prepared I am for doomsday. If you are, good for you, but refer to what I said about me being better than most.

and again, I'm not the lunatic who sits around jerking off to thoughts about how prepared I am for doomsday. If you are, good for you, but refer to what I said about me being better than most.

Not thinking about doomsday in particular. But over my life, the various skills have turned out to be quite valuable.

A few years ago, for instance, a hurricane came through and put the power out in our neighborhood for 10 days.

There weren't food deliveries, because the stores wouldn't open without the refrigeration units running (and no cash registers running).

My family and I had heat, power, lights, etc. We even had fresh water and the ability to bathe.

No one else in our neighborhood did. My neighbor came over the first morning, and said, "Is that pancakes and bacon you're cooking?"

Unlike a lot of people, I'm prepared for a lot of things. I'm not going to be a refugee with a trashbag in my hand, standing in a pool of three-day-old vomit at the Superdome.

I try not to. I don't understand other people at all.

Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure what the word "relate" means in your question. I interact with people in a clear and precise manner. And I respect them by treating them as if they do the same.

But I find that other people are so bad at self-reflection that I have no idea how they reached their conclusions, and thus I can't even begin to have meaningful conversations with many of them.

I'll make point A, and rather than conclude the obvious B, they'll conclude X, and I can't see any connection at all between A and X, so I don't know how or why they got there.

So I keep to myself a lot.

When I meet new people I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, but expect to be disappointed. I guess that sort of leaves me at a "I'm better than everyone" position, but in practice I'm willing to give first, and let small things slide. If you fuck up badly though... woe is you.

Not thinking about doomsday in particular. But over my life, the various skills have turned out to be quite valuable.

A few years ago, for instance, a hurricane came through and put the power out in our neighborhood for 10 days.

There weren't food deliveries, because the stores wouldn't open without the refrigeration units running (and no cash registers running).

My family and I had heat, power, lights, etc. We even had fresh water and the ability to bathe.

No one else in our neighborhood did. My neighbor came over the first morning, and said, "Is that pancakes and bacon you're cooking?"

Unlike a lot of people, I'm prepared for a lot of things. I'm not going to be a refugee with a trashbag in my hand, standing in a pool of three-day-old vomit at the Superdome.
Good for you. I live in an earthquake zone, and I have a 200 litre water stockpile just in case I need it.

Good for you. I live in an earthquake zone, and I have a 200 litre water stockpile just in case I need it.

Like I said, it's not doomsday I'm worried about. But I have no fantasies about how the government will help anyone if something random happens.