NationStates Jolt Archive

This, by all means, is not intended to sound like a blog. If it does, Mods, feel free to delete it.

I was informed today that my grandmother´s oldest sister finally succumbed to cancer. She had a horrible agony and had been in a coma for the past 5 days. I haven´t seen her in months. 3 months ago my grandmother informed us that her sister was in critical condition and that the doctors had given her, at most, 6 months to live. I guess they were way off. Not 3 months passed and she´s gone now.

The truth is, I don´t know what to say, do or how to react to the news my mom gave me of her aunt´s passing not 1 hour ago. Death is not something I am dexterous at dealing with, even when it´s an everyday part of life. So I recurred to defining death, which I tend to be good at defining things my own way, and I wanted to ask NSG: how do you deal with the loss of a loved one?

Now, to the defining:

Death: the absence of life.

Acording to Wikipedia- Death is the end of the life of an organism. Death may refer to the end of life as either an event or condition (also known as passing away). Many factors can cause or contribute to an organism's death, including predation, disease, habitat destruction, senescence, malnutrition and accidents or physical injury. The principal causes of human death in developed countries are diseases related to aging. The knowledge of death is central to human culture and many religions. In medicine, biological details and definitions of death have become increasingly complicated as technology advances.

The term ‘death’ is ambiguous, I know. The ending of life is one thing, and the condition of having life over is another. ‘Death’ can refer to either. Let us add that ‘the ending of life’ is itself potentially ambiguous. In dying, our lives are progressively extinguished, until finally they are gone, in a process that stretches out over a period of time. This is true even if death is a threshold concept, so that a sufficiently substantial extinction of life must occur before death takes place. ‘The ending of life,’ hence ‘death,’ can refer either to this entire process, or solely to its very last part — the loss of the very last trace of life. Thus death can be a state, the process of extinction, or the denouement (final completion) of that process. Death in all of these senses can be further distinguished from events — such as being shot with an arrow — that cause death.

This also lead me to think about the way death is mourned or celebrated depending on the cultural background.

Which brings me to the question again. Generalites, how do you, on a personal or cultural level, deal with the passing of a loved one? Comments?

first, sorry for your lost Nanatsu.

How I deal with the passing of a loved one is... well... I just go numb. I feel nothing, no sadness, nothing. I tend to dwell on my memories of them and just stay there for a while.

then I send a prayer to them, being thankful for the times I did share with them.

I should find out how I deal with death uncomfortably soon. My mother is growing progressively more frail. This may have been her last Memorial Day.

Large, heavy, and frequent doses of apathy creams.

I lost my grandparents on my father's side, but didn't really care. I was never fond of them and they never really liked to acknowledge their child was a father because that would mean they were old, so I was just ignored.

I'm not sure, really, why people have such close ties with people related to them. It just seems like a foreign concept. But, be that as it may, it might help to comfort you with that they are no longer suffering any more and that you are contributing to their legacy. So, in that sense at least, they remain alive.

When my friend died about 2 weeks ago, I indulged in large amounts of substance abuse. Which didn't help all that much at all. I'd recommend you don't do that, basically.

first, sorry for your lost Nanatsu.

How I deal with the passing of a loved one is... well... I just go numb. I feel nothing, no sadness, nothing. I tend to dwell on my memories of them and just stay there for a while.

then I send a prayer to them, being thankful for the times I did share with them.

It´s almost funny and sad, you know, since I was told of her death my eyes are like an open faucet. But nothing else comes out. Nothing, except that my heart is beating at a thousand miles per hour.

"the doctors had given her, at most, 6 months to live....3 months passed and she´s gone now."


But I digress.

Which brings me to the question again. Generalites, how do you, on a personal or cultural level, deal with the passing of a loved one?

I don't, generally.

Personally, i prepare before someone dies, so when they do die it's less painful. i do this by, just considering what life will be like without them. Not all the time, but occasionally.
I'm not sure how to deal with death directly, but i take each day at a time. i find music helps.
I empathise Nanatsu.

None of the people i have lost so far in my life have been really close to me. The closest was my grandpa (my mom's dad) but he was Italian and spoke very little English, i can't speak or understand Italian. I was fairly close to him as a little kid, as i think most people are with their grandparents. By the time he died though i was 12 and we just couldn't communicate with each other much, so there wasn't much closeness there.

My aunt died a few years ago, my godmother, and again, i was close to her as a kid, but once i got older, we just grew apart and she and my uncle left town.

An uncle i only met once in my life and a cousin i never met died years ago, a relative in Italy i have never met died a few years ago, in their 90's.

So i have never had problems dealing with their deaths because i didn't really feel a strong bond with any of them. I did sympathize with my mom though who was devastated by her dad's death and upset about her sister's death.

There are lots of people on my mom's side of the family i actually don't really care for because they aren't nice people. I obviously don't wish them death, but sad to say, i wouldn't particularly mourn if they died. It sounds horrible, but it's true.

Personally, i prepare before someone dies, so when they do die it's less painful. i do this by, just considering what life will be like without them. Not all the time, but occasionally.
I'm not sure how to deal with death directly, but i take each day at a time. i find music helps.
I empathise Nanatsu.

Thanks, MHiJ, for your empathy. And thanks to all those who posted their helpful or disdainful posts. Either way, you said something. I´m off.