NationStates Jolt Archive

No, it isn't alco0hbol, despit e the fact atht I am drunk as I posth othis.

It is the fact, that I alm in love with two different women.

One I should bein lonve with. She's my ladyfriend of 3 and a half years. I adore her.

The otheor is one of my best friends, and dating my other best friend at college. I really don't know what to do. I hoave no idea how to peacefully fal out of love. You know, how to stpop having feelings for the other person without stariting to hatie thame.

She knowas I hve feelings for her, as does her boyfriend. My ladyinfriend knows as well. Is there anything I can dop;? I just want to be trusted, to be a good boyfriond to my ladyfriend and to be a goopd friend to my two best friends in college. I would never betray any of them. I'd have to be way more drunkl tahn I am now, more drunk than I ever have been, and so would she, for anything really bad to happen.

Wat sjhould I do, NSG?

No, it isn't alco0hbol, despit e the fact atht I am drunk as I posth othis.

It is the fact, that I alm in love with two different women.

One I should bein lonve with. She's my ladyfriend of 3 and a half years. I adore her.

The otheor is one of my best friends, and dating my other best friend at college. I really don't know what to do. I hoave no idea how to peacefully fal out of love. You know, how to stpop having feelings for the other person without stariting to hatie thame.

She knowas I hve feelings for her, as does her boyfriend. My ladyinfriend knows as well. Is there anything I can dop;? I just want to be trusted, to be a good boyfriond to my ladyfriend and to be a goopd friend to my two best friends in college. I would never betray any of them. I'd have to be way more drunkl tahn I am now, more drunk than I ever have been, and so would she, for anything really bad to happen.

Wat sjhould I do, NSG?

Sober up and do nowt until you are so.

...especially don't try and suggest a threesome.

Sober up and do nowt until you are so.

The probvlem exists when I'm sober, too. When I'm drunk is theo only time I'm sahring enough to ask others tieheir opinion about it, or for adviece or whatiever.

Grab a video camera, attempt to sort this issue out straight away in a round-table discussion, film the process and put it on youtube.

...especially don't try and suggest a threesome.
...until you have that camera ready.

...especially don't try and suggest a threesome.

I wouldn'ty suggest it... thiough if one was offered and myo0 ladyfriend awas okay with it...

Grab a video camera, attempt to sort this issue out straight away in a round-table discussion, film the process and put it on youtube.


...until you have that camera ready.


Seriopulsy though, you think I should just bring the issue up the nextl time I'm with them? And be totaltyly fucking honesty and expalin it all and spill y guts and/ shit?

The probvlem exists when I'm sober, too. When I'm drunk is theo only time I'm sahring enough to ask others tieheir opinion about it, or for adviece or whatiever.

yeah but when your sober you'll be able to think clearer about it, in a relativly detached non emotional state.

yeah but when your sober you'll be able to think clearer about it, in a relativly detached non emotional state.

But then I'll be too fariad to ask for help about it. I'll be able to rad this thread tommorrow when I'm sober anywahy. I feel guilty.

Get ragingly blind drunk and on the internet and poll some random people you have never met before of what your options are... They are sure to know what is best!

But then I'll be too fariad to ask for help about it. I'll be able to rad this thread tommorrow when I'm sober anywahy. I feel guilty.

Ahhh well your screwed then.

Posting drunk = bad.

Asking for advice drunk =bad.

Making decisions while drunk = very bad.

Making decisions based on advice that you got while posting drunk on NSG = unfathomably, incredibly, way-out-there bad.

Posting drunk = bad.

Asking for advice drunk =bad.

Making decisions while drunk = very bad.

Making decisions based on advice that you got while posting drunk on NSG = unfathomably, incredibly, way-out-there bad.

Having a drunken threesome = Priceless!

The probvlem exists when I'm sober, too. When I'm drunk is theo only time I'm sahring enough to ask others tieheir opinion about it, or for adviece or whatiever.
The problem has, officially, been breached. Sober up and we will give you opinion regardless of whether or not you ask for it.

Posting drunk = bad.

Asking for advice drunk =bad.

Making decisions while drunk = very bad.

Making decisions based on advice that you got while posting drunk on NSG = unfathomably, incredibly, way-out-there bad.


No no no, yous ee, I live with the poeple involvesd, except my ladyfriend. It's 5:00 AM and everyone else is asleep. I'd have to wake people up to doa anything aboujt it, and I don wanna be rude, so i'm not about to do that. When I read this trhead again (I'll probably be horrifieed that I posted it), I'll be sobert. But to post this thread, to get up the fuckin nerve, I had to be hella drunk. So pleaer, give me honest advice3. B y the time I decide to act on any of it, I willbe sober, because I'm not about to wake myf riends up at five in the morning. So I'll sleep between now and then. C'mon NSGm, I've been here 4 fucking years, I know I'm drunk, but it was the only way I was going to be able to ask you guys for help, and I know that while NSG can be assholes, it's a lot better to ask for advice here than on say... /b/. Belive me, by the time I do anything about the problem, I'll be quite sadly sober.

I miss the point of this thread.

Love != Relationship/commitment. There was never anything between then and never will. Nobody's stopping you from loving both, nor should you stop. But for the sake of your friendships' group, you can only be so intimate with one of them. What's the big deal? (If it's jealousy then you don't deserve either).

I miss the point of this thread.

Love != Relationship/commitment. There was never anything between then and never will. Nobody's stopping you from loving both, nor should you stop. But for the sake of your friendships' group, you can only be so intimate with one of them. What's the big deal? (If it's jealousy then you don't deserve either).

I am not jealous of my best friend for dating mty fothetr best friend. If anything, I want their realtionship to succeed, because they're soooooo fucking cute and hey, I might present myself as a total asshole on the internet, but I'm really fucking sentimental at heart.

No, it's just that the fact that I have tese feelings for the friend causes awkwardness, and I think maybe mistrust, which really distresses me. I mean, I hafve a lot of fucking faults, but one of mys trong points is loyalty. If I am for someone, I am for them, period, no if's and's or but's. I would never betray my ladyfriend or my best friends. erhaps I am rapidly becoming the alughingstock of NSG, but I don't care.

I want my friends' relationship to succeed. I want the lady concerned to know that I hjust want to be a friend she can rely on, who she can trust, but it seems fy feelings for her are standing in the way of that.

I see no dilemma. You can do nothing about it, all you can do is hope your friends choose to remain your friends. You do not need to prove your loyalty because you already have. If that's not good enough for them, then it's their loss.

(P)erhaps I am rapidly becoming the laughingstock of NSG, but I don't care.

What makes you think you weren't laughstock before?

No, it isn't alco0hbol, despit e the fact atht I am drunk as I posth othis.

It is the fact, that I alm in love with two different women.

One I should bein lonve with. She's my ladyfriend of 3 and a half years. I adore her.

The otheor is one of my best friends, and dating my other best friend at college. I really don't know what to do. I hoave no idea how to peacefully fal out of love. You know, how to stpop having feelings for the other person without stariting to hatie thame.

She knowas I hve feelings for her, as does her boyfriend. My ladyinfriend knows as well. Is there anything I can dop;? I just want to be trusted, to be a good boyfriond to my ladyfriend and to be a goopd friend to my two best friends in college. I would never betray any of them. I'd have to be way more drunkl tahn I am now, more drunk than I ever have been, and so would she, for anything really bad to happen.

Wat sjhould I do, NSG?

I agree to psychoanalyze you. My rate is 500 euros an hour.:) J/K!

Do sober up, man. That way you'll see things more clearly. And it is possible to love two different people at the same time. It's happening to me. Just lay off the booze for a bit. Being drunk doesn't help, even if you think it's killing the pain.

Having a drunken threesome = Priceless!
Being so drunk you don't remember afterwards: unimagineably bad.

erhaps I am rapidly becoming the alughingstock of NSG, but I don't care.
I smell pot!

Intimate relations can damage a friendship.
If it was me I would consider the lady friend.
Hopefully the other woman in your life isn't in (as much) love with you.:fluffle:

Intimate relations can damage a friendship.
If it was me I would consider the lady friend.
Hopefully the other woman in your life isn't in (as much) love with you.:fluffle:

Intimate relations will not happen, as she is not in love with me at all, to my knowledge, though she does value me as a friend.

I'm not trying to get into her pants, I would never do that, because that would be such a betrayal of my ladyfriend, and of my other best friend who she's dating, so even if she felt the same way, which she doesn't, I couldn't do that.

The problem is it just creates this tension, you know, the classic "elephant in the room." Do I just suck it up and live with that or is there anything I can do?

And I am sober now, lol. I remember posting all this stuff last night, but I didn't realize that I had made quite that many typos, ha ha.

I smell pot!

Not on me, though my friend was high as a kite.

No, I was just pretty drunk. The first thing to go when I'm intoxicated is my motor coordination.

Being so drunk you don't remember afterwards: unimagineably bad.

Yes. I've only been that drunk once. It's not something I want to repeat.

What makes you think you weren't laughstock before?

Lol, true.

I agree to psychoanalyze you. My rate is 500 euros an hour.:) J/K!

Do sober up, man. That way you'll see things more clearly. And it is possible to love two different people at the same time. It's happening to me. Just lay off the booze for a bit. Being drunk doesn't help, even if you think it's killing the pain.

I wasn't drunk to kill the pain or anything, I was just drinking cause my friends and I were watching Great Teacher Onizuka and having a fun time randomly on a wednesday night.

Intimate relations will not happen, as she is not in love with me at all, to my knowledge, though she does value me as a friend.

I'm not trying to get into her pants, I would never do that, because that would be such a betrayal of my ladyfriend, and of my other best friend who she's dating, so even if she felt the same way, which she doesn't, I couldn't do that.

The problem is it just creates this tension, you know, the classic "elephant in the room." Do I just suck it up and live with that or is there anything I can do?

And I am sober now, lol. I remember posting all this stuff last night, but I didn't realize that I had made quite that many typos, ha ha.

what could you possibly do about it?

suck it up or move out.

Drop the relationship with lady friend because, if you can't stop thinking about someone else you can't even have right now, you're not being true to her or yourself. Leave your friends at that and let them have at with their relationship. It will fall to ruins anyway.

And stop asking us for advice, we only know how to argue over religion, abortion, and homosexuality. We're useless when it comes to love. That's why we're on the internet instead of out and about with our "loved ones".

Putting aside for a moment my natural dubiousness that one can be equally in love with two people... have a group meeting like civilized adults. Sometimes talking about it takes the guilt, and the intrigue, out of the situation.

Or you could have a foursome. You are in Santa Cruz, after all.

Drop the relationship with lady friend because, if you can't stop thinking about someone else you can't even have right now, you're not being true to her or yourself. Leave your friends at that and let them have at with their relationship. It will fall to ruins anyway.

And stop asking us for advice, we only know how to argue over religion, abortion, and homosexuality. We're useless when it comes to love. That's why we're on the internet instead of out and about with our "loved ones".

No, I have to disagree. To me, cheating is actions, not thoughts. If anything, I love my ladyfriend more now than ever.

See, I used to believe that one could not love more than one person, but now... I find that I was mistaken.

Putting aside for a moment my natural dubiousness that one can be equally in love with two people... have a group meeting like civilized adults. Sometimes talking about it takes the guilt, and the intrigue, out of the situation.

Or you could have a foursome. You are in Santa Cruz, after all.

I guess I just have to get the nerve up to do so. Have a talk I mean, a foursome is out of the question.

One of them you're dating and enjoy being with (and, I assume, they enjoy being with you).

The other, not only are you not seeing her, but doing so betrays both your current girlfriend and one of your best friends.

Stick with the girl you're seeing. I don't know if your friends can handle blutn truth or not, but if you think they can, then admit your feelings to your friend ask advice on how to cionvince his girlfriend that you're sticking with the one you have.

your in a stable happy place, don't mess it up and ignore all this commie talk of having a big discussion as that would be weird and rather damaging to your immediate interests with no gain

suck it up friends come first and if any consolation your probabaly just confusing emotions as guys do with women (also I'm now terrified that I may be a giant bumbling wreck on NSg one night!:eek:)

No, it isn't alco0hbol, despit e the fact atht I am drunk as I posth othis.

It is the fact, that I alm in love with two different women.

One I should bein lonve with. She's my ladyfriend of 3 and a half years. I adore her.

The otheor is one of my best friends, and dating my other best friend at college. I really don't know what to do. I hoave no idea how to peacefully fal out of love. You know, how to stpop having feelings for the other person without stariting to hatie thame.

She knowas I hve feelings for her, as does her boyfriend. My ladyinfriend knows as well. Is there anything I can dop;? I just want to be trusted, to be a good boyfriond to my ladyfriend and to be a goopd friend to my two best friends in college. I would never betray any of them. I'd have to be way more drunkl tahn I am now, more drunk than I ever have been, and so would she, for anything really bad to happen.

Wat sjhould I do, NSG?
Do whatever you can get away with, or until you get caught out! :fluffle:

Do whatever you can get away with, or until you get caught out! :fluffle:

well they are all passed out ;)

omg haircut timez!

No, I have to disagree. To me, cheating is actions, not thoughts. If anything, I love my ladyfriend more now than ever.

See, I used to believe that one could not love more than one person, but now... I find that I was mistaken.

I know just how easy it is to love two people and how confusing it can be.

Do you really think you can give all of your heart to one person, though, if your attention is divided between two people? Let's face it. You wouldn't be on here asking this question if it wasn't causing some type of inner turmoil. Otherwise, you'd just say to yourself, "I can't have this one since she is with someone else anyway, so it would be wisest to let it go, love her as a friend (period) and focus all of my attention on the person I am with."

It seems clear as day to me the problem nagging at you is that you can't be with the one you really want. Unless you think you can have them both? That would be sexy, but still... realistically?

I have several problems.

I know just how easy it is to love two people and how confusing it can be.

Do you really think you can give all of your heart to one person, though, if your attention is divided between two people? Let's face it. You wouldn't be on here asking this question if it wasn't causing some type of inner turmoil. Otherwise, you'd just say to yourself, "I can't have this one since she is with someone else anyway, so it would be wisest to let it go, love her as a friend (period) and focus all of my attention on the person I am with."

It seems clear as day to me the problem nagging at you is that you can't be with the one you really want. Unless you think you can have them both? That would be sexy, but still... realistically?

I don't think I can have them both, and I wouldn't want to break up my friends' relationship.

The problem is I can't choose how I feel, and my feelings sometimes create this awkwardness that's very uncomfortable. If I could just stop loving the other one, I would. But I can't stop loving her any more than I can simply decide not to love my ladyfriend. It doesn't work that way. At least not for me.

your in a stable happy place, don't mess it up and ignore all this commie talk of having a big discussion as that would be weird and rather damaging to your immediate interests with no gain

suck it up friends come first and if any consolation your probabaly just confusing emotions as guys do with women (also I'm now terrified that I may be a giant bumbling wreck on NSg one night!:eek:)

Mostly I am in a good place. I have two great friends, but it just makes things weird to have that elephant in the room sometimes. Not all the time, but enough to be irritating to me.


I humiliate myself on NSG to demonstrate how it goes... so that you don't have to!

I don't think I can have them both, and I wouldn't want to break up my friends' relationship.

The problem is I can't choose how I feel, and my feelings sometimes create this awkwardness that's very uncomfortable. If I could just stop loving the other one, I would. But I can't stop loving her any more than I can simply decide not to love my ladyfriend. It doesn't work that way. At least not for me.

If you don't mind, I'm showing particular interest in this topic right now because it's very similar to a problem I'm experiencing as well.

Let's put it this way... If this friend of yours, for some unexplicable reason, came up to you right now and told you that she wanted to be with you, how would you handle that? Which one would you choose assuming you were presented with the need? Could you choose?

Is the big elephant in the room because you cannot accept things as they are? Because you want something you can't have? What if you could have it, what then?

If you don't mind, I'm showing particular interest in this topic right now because it's very similar to a problem I'm experiencing as well.

Let's put it this way... If this friend of yours, for some unexplicable reason, came up to you right now and told you that she wanted to be with you, how would you handle that? Which one would you choose assuming you were presented with the need? Could you choose?

Is the big elephant in the room because you cannot accept things as they are? Because you want something you can't have? What if you could have it, what then?

I would have to refuse, because I honor the commitment I already have. I couldn't live with myself if I betrayed someone I loved like that, even if it was to be with someone I loved just as much. I can't stand hurting people I care about, and it would hurt my ladyfriend more to betray her trust than it would simply not to satisfy a longing. To me, the worst thing in the world is betrayal.

It's just an awkward situation, because my two friends know I have feelings for her, but we've never really discussed it and crap. Maybe I just wanted advice over whether or not to bring the issue up with my friends, and if so, how to do it exactly.

Easy as awesome. Do you have a pen? No? Get one.

Got it? How 'bout paper? Don't worry, I'll wait.

'K. Now admit everything on the paper--no, trust me on this. Make it eloquent, 'cuz this is gonna be your last impression for a while. You can do this over several nights if you have to, don't rush it.

Done? Don't sign it, you're not through yet. Now talk about the moral dilemma and about how you're going to go off to clear your head and figure out how to get over this. Then apologize and promise to return.

Leave the note on the table, pack and leave (all while they are asleep).

Go to Tibet. Climb up into the mountains and find a hermitic monk. Their's plenty of 'em up there, but don't go budget. Either spend top-dollar or go for the ones that want to trade their wisdom for enlightening manual labor--I prefer these as it's got a bit of an old-fashioned touch to it while still maintaining the high standards. After you've trained under him, check if he has any prophecies that haven't been fulfilled. Then fulfill them--or keep them from being fulfilled, depending on which is is a net win for creation.

Context is everything, after all. Then leave and wait for a thematically appropriate time to walk back into everyone's lives. Don't worry, you'll know when that is.

Drop the relationship with lady friend because, if you can't stop thinking about someone else you can't even have right now, you're not being true to her or yourself. Leave your friends at that and let them have at with their relationship. It will fall to ruins anyway.

That's the biggest pile of shite I have read today. He doesn't owe exclusive love to anyone, nor should he only try and love one single person. All he needs to do is not cheat, in act. Stop mentally policing people.

Callis, you need to use more convincing typos if you wish to convince me you're actually drunk. Otherwise, I have to wonder why all the theatrics.

Callis, you need to use more convincing typos if you wish to convince me you're actually drunk. Otherwise, I have to wonder why all the theatrics.

Possibly,

Anyway, the fact is that no matter how much you won't believe this it's just unlikely these will be your friends in, say, 10 years, let alone on your deathbed.

So, in a situation like this, try and think how you'd want to remember this on your deathbed.

Frankly, chances are that you won't last with your girlfriend either, not a comment on you or your relationship, just average chances are...

So, the best course of action is to probably suck it up and live on, people can live with an elephant in the room, it's amazing what they can ignore.

Of course, if you have the balls, get Machiavellian about it, work to split them apart, dump your girl and get to sleep with the other - careful, you need to be really cunning.

Callis, you need to use more convincing typos if you wish to convince me you're actually drunk. Otherwise, I have to wonder why all the theatrics.

I have little motor coordination when I'm drunk. Seriously. Anybody who's ever been around me drunk knows that, same with anybody who I've IMed while drunk. Reading back, a lot of the typos don't really make sense, but somehow I fucked up my typing that bad. I think I sometimes forget where in the word I am and jump the gun on the space bar and the beginnings of other words, only to finish the word later. It's weird, I know. I shouldn't post drunk, probably. Or maybe I should cut down on my drinking.

Possibly,

Anyway, the fact is that no matter how much you won't believe this it's just unlikely these will be your friends in, say, 10 years, let alone on your deathbed.

So, in a situation like this, try and think how you'd want to remember this on your deathbed.

Frankly, chances are that you won't last with your girlfriend either, not a comment on you or your relationship, just average chances are...

So, the best course of action is to probably suck it up and live on, people can live with an elephant in the room, it's amazing what they can ignore.

Of course, if you have the balls, get Machiavellian about it, work to split them apart, dump your girl and get to sleep with the other - careful, you need to be really cunning.

I've had the same best friend since kindergarten. My sister thinks I have a loyalty/abandonment complex. No, I generally keep my friends a long ass time. I don't make many.

And why would I want to be a bastard?

Grab a video camera, attempt to sort this issue out straight away in a round-table discussion, film the process and put it on youtube.


...until you have that camera ready.
This.

This.

Lol, no thanks.

no easy way to do it you got to cut one off.

question you fall in love with them at the same time ??

or one of them a very recent addition.

no easy way to do it you got to cut one off.

question you fall in love with them at the same time ??

or one of them a very recent addition.

I've been in love with my ladyfriend for going on four years.

I've known the friend for two and a half years, realized I was in love with her and that I had been for some time late last year.

I don't want to cut one of them off. And it would be obvious which one, if I followed that idea, I'd have to "cut off," because the friend is already in a romantic relationship with my other best friend in college and not interested in that kind of a relationship with me. But "cutting off" is not really an option, I refuse to let this force me to lose a really good friend, one of my best friends, in fact. I just don't know how to deal with the awkwardness of the situation sometimes, and I think the fact that she knows I have a thing for her makes her feel that she can't trust me as much as she can.

yeah u can do something get a spell check