NationStates Jolt Archive

Money thief, who hid cash up bottom, busted

A bank robber who secreted the $2000 proceeds inside his anus was given away when police heard rustling noises and found the loot, a court was told.
Michael Geoffrey Linn, 36, unemployed, pleaded guilty in Alexandra District Court yesterday to robbing the BNZ bank in Cromwell, The Southland Times reported.
Police prosecutor Sergeant Tom Scoullar said Linn walked into the bank last month, pulled a balaclava over his face and demanded money,
As the female staff member was filling a bag with cash he told her he was sorry.
"I didn't mean to frighten you but I'm very, very desperate."

He then drove to a lake, and tried to burn the clothes he had been wearing, using petrol and some papers from his car.
But nearby construction workers spotted the fire and used shovels to save some of the papers - which had Linn's name and address on them.
Linn was arrested a short time later and claimed he had given the cash to an associate.

But police became suspcious when they heard a rustling noise coming from his bottom.
On further investigation they discovered a roll of cash protruding from his anus, the newspaper said.
Linn was remanded in custody and will reappear on June 5 to be sentenced.
bottom crimes (http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10509190)
ummm...odd. just....odd.
I really don't know what else to say. It's the sort of story you'd expect to read in Viz, not in RL. The journos certainly had a great time writing this story, that's for sure.

I say we let him keep the money instead of putting it back in circulation

He then drove to a lake, and tried to burn the clothes he had been wearing, using petrol and some papers from his car.

I think we have all been there

Linn was arrested a short time later and claimed he had given the cash to an ass-ociate

It has a ring of truth about it

It has a ring of truth about it

there was only one hole in his plan...

Some people wipe their ass with $2000. This man took that idea to the next level.

there was only one hole in his plan...

Still if he gets sent to prison at least he is familiar with having a wad in his ass.

Why is it that when a story comes up that somehow references the anus the shittiest puns are always used?

Why is it that when a story comes up that somehow references the anus the shittiest puns are always used?

Because someone like Mr Linn provides a convenient butt for all our jokes.

Why is it that when a story comes up that somehow references the anus the shittiest puns are always used?

Hey, we're just pulling stuff out of our asses.

Why is it that when a story comes up that somehow references the anus the shittiest puns are always used?

Because thats the only crap we can come up with. :D

But nearby construction workers spotted the fire and used shovels to save some of the papers - which had Linn's name and address on them.
It was poor planning that got him in the end. You certainly couldn't accuse him of anal retentive attention to detail.

money is not worth it let him keep it.

Poor man, I'm sure he only robbed the bank because he was behind, and needed to make up some arrears.

I laughed my ass off...

... I really, REALLY hate to be the officer who had to do that search...

Indeed. That's a crappy job.

Money thief, who hid cash up bottom, busted

A bank robber who secreted the $2000 proceeds inside his anus was given away when police heard rustling noises and found the loot, a court was told.
Michael Geoffrey Linn, 36, unemployed, pleaded guilty in Alexandra District Court yesterday to robbing the BNZ bank in Cromwell, The Southland Times reported.
Police prosecutor Sergeant Tom Scoullar said Linn walked into the bank last month, pulled a balaclava over his face and demanded money,
As the female staff member was filling a bag with cash he told her he was sorry.
"I didn't mean to frighten you but I'm very, very desperate."

He then drove to a lake, and tried to burn the clothes he had been wearing, using petrol and some papers from his car.
But nearby construction workers spotted the fire and used shovels to save some of the papers - which had Linn's name and address on them.
Linn was arrested a short time later and claimed he had given the cash to an associate.

But police became suspcious when they heard a rustling noise coming from his bottom.
On further investigation they discovered a roll of cash protruding from his anus, the newspaper said.
Linn was remanded in custody and will reappear on June 5 to be sentenced.

... I really, REALLY hate to be the officer who had to do that search...

I can't believe the media is trying and convicting this guy on such crappy evidence.

Wait, wait, I've got another one.

"Oh, that's just Mike. He's always pulling this shit."

or
"You don't have the money? What is that coming out of your ass?"
"Would you believe I'm getting a fax?"

Poor man, I'm sure he only robbed the bank because he was behind, and needed to make up some arrears.
Maybe he's a revolutionary? Throw off your chains; no more shall we be the stools of the Government!

I can't believe the media is trying and convicting this guy on such crappy evidence.
considering what the police pulled out, it's definately gonna stink up his reputation.

Wait, wait, I've got another one.

"Oh, that's just Mike. He's always pulling this shit."

or
"You don't have the money? What is that coming out of your ass?"
"Would you believe I'm getting a fax?"

I said "Cough up the dough!"
"well my wife wanted to see some change in me officers..."

Indeed. That's a crappy job.

I bet the officer's response was... "What's this shit... hey, you gotta see this shit man!"

I said "Cough up the dough!"

That made me choke (the joke, not the money).

How about "you should have seen this asshole cough up the dough."

That made me choke (the joke, not the money).

How about "you should have seen this asshole cough up the dough."

well, the suspect was shitting bricks... err... wads... er... we need another roll here!

Michael: Man, this shit is expensive.

(By the way, the funniest bit was that they heard a rustling.)

(By the way, the funniest bit was that they heard a rustling.)
I think kudos has to go to the journalist who managed to get the words "secreted" and "anus" into the same sentence in a major newspaper. Well done that man, I say!

Well, looks like its bottoms up for this guys career in crime.