NationStates Jolt Archive

We have all heard the many, many "Lightbulb" jokes that are out in the world today. How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? How many Germans? Republicans? Democrats? Feminists? Lawyers? Scientists? Gamers?

Some of them are pretty damn funny, some make you just grin a bit, and some, of course, just suck, but they cover pretty much every grouping I've ever heard of; they leave out no religious, ethnic, political, economic, national, or philosophic group. However, last night I realized that there is a people which does not get the proper lightbuld-attention it deserves. Sure, such jokes do exist, but they are hardly ever repeated or spread. So, I'm here to do my duty:

How many Centauri does it take to change a lightbuld?

How many muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Their faith doesn't allow change.

Feminists?
11
One to change it and 5 to berate a man for not doing it already and 5 to berate him for offering to do it and thus thinking a woman couldn't.


>_>

How many Centauri does it take to change a lightbuld?

One if his name is Vir Cotto.
None otherwise. The empire has Narn slaves for that.

How many muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Their faith doesn't allow change.

How many incarnations does it take for a troll to get perma-banned?

Too many, it seems.

We have all heard the many, many "Lightbulb" jokes that are out in the world today. How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? How many Germans? Republicans? Democrats? Feminists? Lawyers? Scientists? Gamers?

Some of them are pretty damn funny, some make you just grin a bit, and some, of course, just suck, but they cover pretty much every grouping I've ever heard of; they leave out no religious, ethnic, political, economic, national, or philosophic group. However, last night I realized that there is a people which does not get the proper lightbuld-attention it deserves. Sure, such jokes do exist, but they are hardly ever repeated or spread. So, I'm here to do my duty:

How many Centauri does it take to change a lightbuld?

Don't know.


But do you know how many members of a particular group, culture or sub culture it takes to screw in a lightbulb?


That is correct, a finite number. One to screw it in and the rest to engage in behviour sterotypical of said group, culture or subculture.

how many FSB agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2. one to hold the lightbulb in place the other to torture the light bulbs family until it turns

How many muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 because they have been using powered light sources hundred of years

fixed :)

edit: yes I just thought up both those, what are you trying to say?

How many Chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?

I'm changing fuck-all, like. Get on the blower to the council and get them to send some **** round to change it. Their responsibility, innit. That's what I get me council tax paid for me for. Get us a Sunny D while you're up.

But do you know how many members of a particular group, culture or sub culture it takes to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. Unless masturbation counts.

How many Chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?

I'm changing fuck-all, like. Get on the blower to the council and get them to send some **** round to change it. Their responsibility, innit. That's what I get me council tax paid for me for. Get us a Sunny D while you're up.


Bwahahahahahah!

How many Green Peace members does it takes to change a lightbulb?

A lot, the more the better....

CHANGE THE LIGHTBULB!
CHANGE THE LIGHTBULB!
CHANGE THE LIGHTBULB!

WHAT DO WE WANT?

THE LIGHTBULB CHANGED!!!

WHEN WE WANT IT?

NOW!!!!

How many Chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?

I'm changing fuck-all, like. Get on the blower to the council and get them to send some **** round to change it. Their responsibility, innit. That's what I get me council tax paid for me for. Get us a Sunny D while you're up.

My previous response stands.

How many incarnations does it take for a troll to get perma-banned?

Too many, it seems.

The only thing wrong with that joke is that its not funny...

One if his name is Vir Cotto.
None otherwise. The empire has Narn slaves for that.

It's amazing, but I think that, out of 12 responses, you might have been the only one to actually read the opening post. Kudos! Shame on the rest of you! Shame I say!

Well, okay, not that much shame, but seriously, read the whole opening post, don't just see that it references lightbuld jokes and start spouting them off.

How many incarnations does it take for a troll to get perma-banned?

Too many, it seems.

Who is Hotwife an incarnation of?

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change it and another to hold the penis- uh- ladder.

Don't know.


But do you know how many members of a particular group, culture or sub culture it takes to screw in a lightbulb?


That is correct, a finite number. One to screw it in and the rest to engage in behviour sterotypical of said group, culture or subculture.

lolz.

It's amazing, but I think that, out of 12 responses, you might have been the only one to actually read the opening post.

Or perhaps noone else knows the Centauri ;)

Perhaps, but they're also still just listing random lightbulb jokes, rather than asking for an explanaion of what the first post means. Tsk tsk

How many IT consultants does it take to change a lightbulb?

35.

...

What, you think this's a joke or something? I'm dead serious.

How many incarnations does it take for a troll to get perma-banned?

Too many, it seems.
Do you know what a proxy is? How many there are? How many other ways a block can be defeated?

If you want a post about 'Babylon 5' actually taken seriously, I think you might be a couple of years too late. I'd just relax and enjoy the light bulbs, otherwise you'll turn into this guy and take things too seriously:

How many incarnations does it take for a troll to get perma-banned? Too many, it seems.

On that note, how many Democrats does it take to change a lightbuld?

Nobody knows yet, but they're audaciously hoping for change.

How many anarchists does it take to change a light bulb?
All of them.

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it costs ten thousand dollars.

How many honest politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Both of them.

How many Dali fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two -- one to get a giraffe and one to wave the brightly-colored garden tools.

How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

How many world leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
One -- he grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.

How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just cry over the broken bulb.

How many Libertarians does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't get a new bulb until the old one is broken!

How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Changing lightbulbs is immoral and aganst God! (As said by the Church of George W. Bush)

How many Greens does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't. They use solar power. IF you get what I mean ;)

How many independants does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Wasn't that obvious?

How many Communists does it take to change a lightbulb? In Soviet Russia, Lightbulb changes YOU!

How many Horror writers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to screw the bulb most of the way, and one to give it a suprising twist at the end!

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? They don't. They just screw it again and again.

How many binary code programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? 10

I thought up seven of these on my own (But some of them I took from other, none lightbulb related jokes.)

How many Liberal Activists does it takes to change a lightbulb?

A lot, the more the better....

CHANGE THE LIGHTBULB!
CHANGE THE LIGHTBULB!
CHANGE THE LIGHTBULB!

WHAT DO WE WANT?

THE LIGHTBULB CHANGED!!!

WHEN WE WANT IT?

NOW!!!!
Fixed.

I still like this one:
How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, it contains the seeds of its own revolution.

And of course,
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

How many Existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they'll debate their meaning, the nature of night and that of the light bulb until the sun rises.

How many members of the Matrix does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four. One to cryptically describe the nature of the lightbulb program, one to be a bit character, one to find a spoon to prove the lightbulb is not real and one to provide wooden acting.

How many Things (from The Thing) does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they'll use the darkness to ambush and then copy all of the other people.

Psh, i dont change lightbulbs...

I just carry one around with me from room to room, lol...

Perhaps, but they're also still just listing random lightbulb jokes, rather than asking for an explanaion of what the first post means. Tsk tsk

Ahhh didums, then tell us the answer, some of have asked you know.

How many World Eaters do you need to change a light bulb?

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

Ahhh didums, then tell us the answer, some of have asked you know.

Maybe I don't want to say the answer. Did you ever consider that? Maybe I've just been so disillusioned that I've forsworn speaking the response. Maybe you'll never know!

Of course, I might just end up telling you anyway.

How many Centauri does it take to change a lightbuld?

Just one, but in the Grand Old Days of the Rpublic we had hundreds of slaves turning thousands of bulbs at our every whim!

How many members of your horoscope sign does it take to change a light bulb?

Aries: Just one. You want to make something of it?

Taurus: One, but just try to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

Gemini: Two, but the job never gets done--they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done.

Cancer: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

Leo: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo to do the job for them while they're out.

Virgo: Approximately 1.0000000 with an error of +/- 1 millionth.

Libra: Er, two. Or maybe one. No - on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you?

Scorpio: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order.

Sagittarius: The sun is shining, the day is young and we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid light bulb?

Capricorn: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

Aquarius: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so...

Pisces: Light bulb? What light bulb?