NationStates Jolt Archive

This article reminded me of the thread about essential skills awhile back. I'm not a man, but I still found this interesting. I bolded the ones I'm fairly confident I've fulfilled. How many can you do? The full article, with expanded advice and illustrations, can be found here. (http://www.esquire.com/features/essential-skills-0508)


A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

What a load of crap.

This thread is sexist! Oh noes!

I can probably do 22 better than a man, anyways.

What a load of crap.

Agreed.


Besides, why should I need to know how to do half those things when I can make my woman do them for me?;)

Wow, I'm a woman and I can do most of those things. My husband can't. That is just sad.

51/75

Fail.

Wow, I'm a woman and I can do most of those things. My husband can't. That is just sad.
Isn't that the point though?
*hides*

46. Tell a woman's dress size.

fuck that. I'd rather take the easy route and kill myself now

73. Caress a woman's neck.

checking for an Adams apple I presume :p (seriously I know at least one girl who hates this and every guy I know happens to think its crazy sexy)

Until you can cook, pick out a suit and give a woman an orgasm, I'm not sure the rest of them matter.

Until you can cook, pick out a suit and give a woman an orgasm, I'm not sure the rest of them matter.

I can't cook :(

Until you can cook, pick out a suit and give a woman an orgasm, I'm not sure the rest of them matter.

steady on its enough trouble turning her on at times (the oven that is >.>)

also you don't pick suits out you have them tailored

Until you can cook, pick out a suit and give a woman an orgasm, I'm not sure the rest of them matter.

Check check and check.


So does that mean all the others matter now?


Fuuuuck.

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (actually sigh because the sound of the reel letting the line out is a pleasant sound to me. so it's a sigh of relaxing/pleasure.)
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car. Change a flat tire. Change the oil.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

Bolded are the ones I can do, and did at least once and not by accident.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

I always knew i wasn't that gay after all.

This thread is sexist! Oh noes!

I can probably do 22 better than a man, anyways.

I probably could too, but sadly, I haven't had a chance to test this theory yet.

Isn't that the point though?
*hides*

Absolutely!

fuck that. I'd rather take the easy route and kill myself now

I thought that was prety WTF myself, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt and assumed that this knowledge would be used to buy one's gf/wife clothes, rather than to announce her dress size to her. Although I hate anyone buying me clothes.

(seriously I know at least one girl who hates this and every guy I know happens to think its crazy sexy)

Wish I still had the link, but I read an article entitled something like "30 things you should never do in bed" or something that was pretty funny. About half of them were "OMG, thank you!" and the other half were "But I like that." It's all individual.

Until you can cook, pick out a suit and give a woman an orgasm, I'm not sure the rest of them matter.

QFT.

Oh, hey, that's pretty cool. And some of those are useful life skills.

I always knew i wasn't that gay after all.

Well, they said 75 things every man should be able to do, not every straight man.

Wow, 67/75. Apparently, I'd make a kick-ass male. I definitely don't think my boyfriend would score as high. :p

I find it interesting that "tie a (regular) tie" isn't an option, since it's surprising how many men I've known who can't, and how many I've had to do myself. My boyfriend can never tie his own tie properly, for one, nor could a lot of the boys I went to school with - which resulted in me helping a lot of them right before a band concert, or on their way to a big basketball game.

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.

I don't get that one...

I mean, granted, I passed it because I think everyone is a bitch/son of a bitch to some degree, but why him in particular?

Until you can cook, pick out a suit and give a woman an orgasm, I'm not sure the rest of them matter.

Depends how many things I'm required to be able to cook.

Well, they said 75 things every man should be able to do, not every straight man.

Damn lol. Who I was kidding anyway?

Depends how many things I'm required to be able to cook.

A couple meals decent enough to impress a girl, I guess. :p

I don't get that one...

I mean, granted, I passed it because I think everyone is a bitch/son of a bitch to some degree, but why him in particular?


He basically killed a whole whack of people. When I was playing poker a couple months ago, I had a disproportianate number of red chips, and I made the joke that I had more reds than Columbus. Terrible, but it's not the most awful racist thing I've said. I once said to my friend/ex-boyfriend "I thought we sent you people to residential schools to GET RID of those attitudes" when he was talking about his beliefs. He thought it was hilarious, but everyone else was mistakenly scandalized. Really, he wasn't even talking about First Nations beliefs. Half the crap that comes out of his mouth is total garbage and makes no sense.

assumed that this knowledge would be used to buy one's gf/wife clothes, rather than to announce her dress size to her.

don't womens sizes happen to be crazy different and like change every season hence the "fitting" rooms (I don't think anyone is fooled by the fitting part)? not that I would know anything about buying womens clothing :D

I hate anyone buying me clothes.

but there is nothing more exciting than opening a present expecting some sort of adventure/car keys and finding that the dead hooker you found in the basement in 1986 has had her clothes removed!

seriously does anyone actually like receiving this crap? (don't get me started on Jewelry)

It's all individual.

surely you mean couple ;)

I will never know..

How to tie a tie.
How to use a grill.

I can probably do 22 better than a man, anyways.

That's probably because we men are often too repressed to communicate properly with you, and because we make little to no effort to understand female anatomy.

Fuck esquire.

don't womens sizes happen to be crazy different and like change every season hence the "fitting" rooms (I don't think anyone is fooled by the fitting part)? not that I would know anything about buying womens clothing :D

Well, yes, but you can still get a ballpark estimate, especially if you know your size in a couple brands of clothing. I have in my closet everything from a 2 to an 8 (U.S., not U.K.) and an extra-small to a large, and it all fits, but I stick to a few stores and usually know my size there.

That's probably because we men are often too repressed to communicate properly with you, and because we make little to no effort to understand female anatomy.

If it makes you feel better, we're too repressed to talk about it with you, too.

In regards to #32, I own around 13,000 grape-producing vines and so I would think that it would give me some sort of authority when it comes to win. Despite this, I don't like wine and the only words I could describe win with are, 'it sucks.' Admittedly, I use white wine [not the one our cooperative produces, since it's too expensive - search Canforrales on Google] to cook [in Spanish it's called [i]estofado and I do like to drink a variant of white wine from the grape Verdejo, since it's sweet.

#34 I didn't learn until I joined the U.S. Army, to be honest - well, we learned more how to 'stop the bleeding' by applying a torniquet, or if that failed we applied an Israeli bandage.

#65-67; I play football [soccer], so why should I know how to throw an American football?

Some of these skills are stupid.

How to use a grill.

Put a grill in front of you; I guarantee you will know how to 'use' it. I mean, it's not that difficult. You might not use it well, but you'll know how to use it.

#65-67; I play football [soccer], so why should I know how to throw an American football?

It might not be all that useful, but being able to throw a tight spiral does look pretty impressive.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.It's much funnier to elaborate on and on and on and especially combined with just not getting to the point you want to make though:p
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. I don't consider any woman out of my league :p
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.Not when it's cloudy :(
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

Not bad. 12 things I still have to learn. Including meeting a woman that *is* out my league.

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car. Change a flat tire. Change the oil.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time. (I have no sense of direction whatsoever.)
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. (a favorite pastime actually)
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. (2 of 3 aint bad though)
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.


There's my list. Not bad, I think.

Since I'm lazy and have to leave for a midterm in seven minutes, I'll give you this puzzle instead of an actual list:

I know every single one of those except for seven of them. And of those, four have to do with athletics.

steady on its enough trouble turning her on at times (the oven that is >.>)

also you don't pick suits out you have them tailored

You can't have them tailored out of a void. You've still got to pick it.

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.

What? I can see how the rest of them might be useful, but to hell with this.

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language. (I can speak some Japanese)
19. Approach a woman out of his league. (I don't think anybody is out of my league, honestly)
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. (I'm very confident I'll do this my first time around, indeed I'm planning on it)
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (This one is kind of stupid, but okay, I see the point...)
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy. (This can be easily accomplished with class)
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.


I've become a fan of Esquire over the past year, though I will say that their writing and input is sometimes unintentionally hilarious. In that "Oh wow, they actually think that?" way.

71 out of 75 on their list isn't bad, though. They'd probably love me... Eh, scratch that. They'd probably try to lynch me, as I take no advice from their fashion ideas, and rightfully so. :p

12 things I still have to learn. Including meeting a woman that *is* out my league.

Well, keep in mind that "out of your league" can also mean "below your league".

Heeeeeeeeellooooooooo, paper bag!

It might not be all that useful, but being able to throw a tight spiral does look pretty impressive.

Not only does it look impressive, it makes for a deadly weapon if thrown hard enough and aimed properly. :p

Well, keep in mind that "out of your league" can also mean "below your league".

Heeeeeeeeellooooooooo, paper bag!

at least it's not a 2 bagger. one bag for her and one bag for you incase her's comes off. :p

at least it's not a 2 bagger. one bag for her and one bag for you incase her's comes off. :p

Yeah, but that's still not as bad as a body-bagger, in which case the girl would be so ugly that only the necessary holes would need to be open. I imagine it would be like screwing a bean bag.

Jesus Fucking Christ, that sounds horrible... In many more ways than one.

Yeah, but that's still not as bad as a body-bagger, in which case the girl would be so ugly that only the necessary holes would need to be open. I imagine it would be like screwing a bean bag.

Jesus Fucking Christ, that sounds horrible... In many more ways than one.

in which case, the bet to screw someone that fugly better be worth it. :p

in which case, the bet to screw someone that fugly better be worth it. :p

Depends on how much you'd make from the bet...

You can't have them tailored out of a void. You've still got to pick it.

No, you can have them tailored from the ground up. It just costs a fortune to do so...if you can afford it, it's likely worth it, but otherwise it's probably not the best use of funds.

I heard from our local tailor when I was getting my suit fitted that he had recently tailored a suit for some guy and it cost over $20,000. That's basically the out-of-pocket cost of my entire college education, assuming tuition doesn't double or so in the last two years of school. It's a shame I never saw the suit, but it was probably one hell of a nice piece of work.

This article reminded me of the thread about essential skills awhile back. I'm not a man, but I still found this interesting. I bolded the ones I'm fairly confident I've fulfilled. How many can you do? The full article, with expanded advice and illustrations, can be found here. (http://www.esquire.com/features/essential-skills-0508)


A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.

4. Score a baseball game. - American-centric, inapplicable.

5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. - I make good stew.
8. Not monopolize the conversation. - My problem is joining them.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. - I'm conciliatory, does that count?
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.

19. Approach a woman out of his league. - Can someone point me to the league tables?

20. Sew a button. - Doesn't have to be well, right?
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. - It's football, not soccer, question is xenophobic, disregard. ;)
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. - Expound on this "eightpenny" nail, please. Also, "treated" how? I'm not a bloody carpenter.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. There's always bloody quantum! ;)
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. - Does "awful" count?
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. - A what?
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke. - Doesn't specify "well", so... ;)
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. - Children are easier.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. - So are these.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help. - Got me there, never been good at this, unless it's directions to somewhere. Weird, I know.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire. - I have central heating.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass. - Never had much opportunity, trouble seems to avoid me.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. - Hmm, sounds kinda cool...
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. - Uh... why?
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy. - My friends are all alive, thanks. You got a problem with that?
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. - What, literally?
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. - You don't throw a football, unless you're the goalie, or it's a throw in. The other two are disqualified for being American-centered.

68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. - Have to be lost first.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. - I have sucessfully resisted driving for 10 years!
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

Well... so much for that.
Also, I find it a shame that "Be able to spell" is not included on that list.

Basically I can do all of the intellectual ones, most of the social ones, some of the skillset ones and none of the manly ones.

Basically I can do all of the intellectual ones, most of the social ones, some of the skillset ones and none of the manly ones.

So... which ones are which?

A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

So out of that list, I suck at pool, don't know how to play gin, don't fish, can't tie a bow tie, and can't speak a foreign language.

Of those, I consider one to be bad (not having a second language), and one that I need to learn (bow tie)


Overall, a pretty good list.

I actually had a conversation with a group of female coworkers and two male friends about why a man needs to know how to shake hands properly, and how important it really is.

I actually had a conversation with a group of female coworkers and two male friends about why a man needs to know how to shake hands properly, and how important it really is.

It really, really isn't as important as people make out.

It really, really isn't as important as people make out.

I'd contest that. First impressions are very important, which includes the hand shake. A sloppy, wet, limp, or overagressive handshake are, at best, awkward, and at worst, kinda gross.


I'd actually throw onto the list how to make eye contact and knowing when to call someone "sir".

I'd actually throw onto the list how to make eye contact and knowing when to call someone "sir".

I call everyone sir. Any good?

I'd actually throw onto the list how to make eye contact and knowing when to call someone "sir".

Never?

I call everyone sir. Any good?

Generally works.

Never?

why not?

Cops and potential employers tend to prefer a bit of appropriate respect. Though, calling them sir if they are female isn't such a good idea...;)

As or eye contact, it can be threatening in some situations, but appropriate in others

1-15, 17-20, 22-25, 27-32, 34, 35, 37-62, 64-66, 68-75

Women like to have the back of their necks caressed more than the sides. And never, ever, ever stroke the front of a woman's neck. Too close to strangling.

I'd contest that. First impressions are very important, which includes the hand shake. A sloppy, wet, limp, or overagressive handshake are, at best, awkward, and at worst, kinda gross.

First impressions are only important if all you get is a first impression. Regardless, a handshake is only a small part of a first impression and if you're going to quibble with little details then you've got to start worrying about all facets of your presentation to the the point where it becomes a drawback. If you judge someone based on a handshake then you have real issues with judging people accurately.

First impressions are only important if all you get is a first impression. Regardless, a handshake is only a small part of a first impression and if you're going to quibble with little details then you've got to start worrying about all facets of your presentation to the the point where it becomes a drawback. If you judge someone based on a handshake then you have real issues with judging people accurately.

Such as a job interview? Yes, that is entirely first impression.
And yes, a handshake is only a small part. But it is a) one of the first things, when most judgements are made, and b) something that is easily improved upon.

It's no different than wearing a suit to an interview and not carrying a shopping bag.

And yes, you should be conscious of all aspects of yourself at all times, particularly when you are making a first impression that must be positive (business deals, interviews, first dates)

Such as a job interview? Yes, that is entirely first impression.

Well, a handshake is a miniscule aspect if we're stretching "first impression" to cover an interview. A good handshake isn't going to save you from mumbling and shrugging and a bad handshake isn't going to hurt a passionate, articulate speaker.

It's no different than wearing a suit to an interview and not carrying a shopping bag.

It's more akin to taking a body language course. In fact, it sort of is that albeit on a small time level.

And yes, you should be conscious of all aspects of yourself at all times, particularly when you are making a first impression that must be positive (business deals, interviews, first dates)

Alternatively, you could relax a little and maybe people will feel like they're getting through to someone who isn't try far too hard to put on the appropiate act.

[QUOTE=Ryadn;13673981]Let's dance, (not being a man):


A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (Usually. Sometimes, in a word)
2. Tell if someone is lying. (Most of the time, not always, there are some talented out there)
3. Take a photo. (Artistic)
4. Score a baseball game. (Thanks god baseball is the national sport here)
5. Name a book that matters. (One?)
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. (One?)
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit. (Art direction for the win)
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count. (Only doggie paddle)
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. (Most of the time)
13. Throw a punch. (With both hands)
14. Chop down a tree. (I have done branches. With a Machete, but not a tree, I hope it counts)
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie. (Art direction for the win)
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (Mojito, uhmmm)
18. Speak a foreign language. (I'm writing on it)
19. Approach a woman out of his league. (Each time I approach a loyal straight?)
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. (done that)
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (I admitted it)
27. Play gin with an old guy. (Never played gin. Cultural issues. Dominoes count?)
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. (OK, I can't, I'm a wine freak)
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. (Why?)
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. (Depends on the woods)
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

Well, a handshake is a miniscule aspect if we're stretching "first impression" to cover an interview. A good handshake isn't going to save you from mumbling and shrugging and a bad handshake isn't going to hurt a passionate, articulate speaker.Actually, it can. Snap judgements, it has been shown, are the lasting ones. 20/20 did something on it a while ago, and there have been a few studies showing that the opinion of the interviewer in the first 30 seconds to 1 minute tend to dictate what the end opinion would be, and therefore who would get the job. It is easier to ruin a good first impression than it is to improve upon a poor one.



It's more akin to taking a body language course. In fact, it sort of is that albeit on a small time level.
It is body language, but also something that is easily improved upon.


Alternatively, you could relax a little and maybe people will feel like they're getting through to someone who isn't try far too hard to put on the appropiate act.Or you could understand that you tend to speak a bit too softly, so speak up. Or that you tend to let your eyes wander around, which gives the impression of disinterest, and make sure you maintain eye contact. Or understand that you have a sloppy handshake, and make sure to keep it firm and brief.

It isn't about getting yourself worked up. It is about knowing what your weakness is and doing what you can to compensate or correct it. Yeah, it can have a pretty major impact. That's why there are even paid professionals to help with this kinda thing.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.

Uh, why? Girls don't have time for advice that's longer than one sentence nowadays? For such girls I could do my advice in a single word. STFU.

2. Tell if someone is lying.

There's always someone who can lie better than you can detect it. That's why they invented lie detectors. I don't see why a man has to be a lie detector. If we could really see through the lies of women, I don't think we'd be dating to begin with, would we?

3. Take a photo.

Lame. I notice something like "be able to read and write" isn't on this list. [/quote]

4. Score a baseball game.

Fuck baseball!

5. Name a book that matters.

Yes, be able to name it. You don't have to read it, or be able to read anything! Just as long as you can name the title.

And push the button on a camera phone. That's important.

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.

It's better to know music as well as possible, rather than memorizing the singer's mother's maiden name.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.

A guy who can cook on a grill can cook on something else too. This is lame.

8. Not monopolize the conversation.

Hey I'm not preventing anyone else from saying something meaningful.

9. Write a letter.

I'll be! Reading and writing IS on the list. Maybe there's hope for America.

10. Buy a suit.

...maybe there's not.

11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.

Doggie paddle DOES count. Tell you what, I can NAME three different strokes. Up, down, and all around.


12. Show respect without being a suck-up.

I give respect when earned.


13. Throw a punch.

I prefer to stab in the neck. Tends to be more effective, if you happen to be engaging in criminally irresponsible violence. I normally don't though.

14. Chop down a tree.

This is important because of the overwhelming numbers of trees that are plaguing this earth, and encroaching on our territory. A woman needs a man who is capable of defending her from the ents.

15. Calculate square footage.

A real man would use the metric system!

16. Tie a bow tie.

I'm starting to get the picture of the kind of man Esquire idealizes. A tree-killing, suit-buying dipshit with a bow tie.

[B]17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.

Even a half-retarded chimpanzee can do this. I don't see what's so useful about it.

18. Speak a foreign language.

I agree here. Too bad it's on a list with some dipshit things like being "able" to buy a suit. You know what they meant by that? Yeah, you have to have $$$. That's what it is. You don't have to have style or fashion, just the cash. Women are cash whores. That's what Esquire is telling us, amiright?

19. Approach a woman out of his league.

Every man on earth not only can do this, but most likely has done it - many times.

[B]20. Sew a button.

...that's women's work.

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.

Good things to do.


22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.

...wait, what? So he doesn't have to ask after what? This one is confusing, and I am not going to go to the website.


[B]23. Be loyal.

Vague and stupid. Loyal to anything?

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.

Thoughtfulness and decision-making bad! Only dopes ponder things.

25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.

Any woman who needs me to do this does not deserve my attention. I can certainly drive nails into things, but I'm going to think about it.

I guess I'm not Esquire material, I think too much and shit.


26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.

Lame. Who does this? Girls.


27. Play gin with an old guy.

Old guys smell bad, and they take forever to move.


[B]28. Play go fish with a kid.

Nonsense. Kids should learn a real card game. Puts hair on their chest.


[B]29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.

I understand quantum physics well enough to accept that this is a loaded statement.


30. Feign interest.

That I have a hard time doing. Not only is it lame, but it's a form of deception.

31. Make a bed.

...what, I can't just go out and buy one? I suppose you want me to make the SUIT too.


32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.

"Not enough alcohol for my tastes." I did it. I bet any man could do the same.

33. Hit a jump shot in pool.

Like baseball, pool is rather lame. What's with the fixation on guys holding sticks chasing balls?


[B]34. Dress a wound.

Good skill. I don't see why it's something a man (and not a woman?) needs to know.

35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).

So you want a car mechanic, but you don't want a suit maker, but you do want someone who can sew a button... make up your mind!

36. Make three different bets at a craps table.

Crappy.

[B]37. Shuffle a deck of cards.

Useless.


38. Tell a joke.

Anyone can tell a joke.

Oh yeah, and feigning interest? Yeah, I'm stopping that now. :)

Though... I see what they meant by loyalty now:

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.

Yep, a consumerist, metrosexual man, who doesn't think too much, but who is loyal and patriotic and can name titles of books, and has money.

Fuck you, Esquire.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
This is really vague. I mean, what sort of advice are we talking about? If I were to see a man with his penis in a blender I could say, "Don't turn that on."
And the day Fiddlebottoms wears a tie is the day he has given up on all that really matters in life; I only hope that I have the good sense to strangle myself to death with it before going out into public.

@Chris Crocker/Amy Wienerhauzen

ties are decorative nooses(neese?)

i think the tie was invented by this really depressed clown that tried to commit suicide by hanging himself, but all he had was some coloured ribbonstuff...the ribbons broke and he ended up wandering about town with the shred hanging from his neck when people started complimenting his attire...i guess this boosted his self esteem because he started selling the ripped pieces of ribbon instead of poisoning his own pies...

fin

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

Yeah, I'm pretty useless. :rolleyes:

11, 14, and 27 are beyond my capability. My husband can do all but 11. The whole family is taking swimming lessons this summer though, we need it. :p

why not?

Cops and potential employers tend to prefer a bit of appropriate respect. Though, calling them sir if they are female isn't such a good idea...;)

As or eye contact, it can be threatening in some situations, but appropriate in others

See, this is where I fall down. Who defines "appropriate"?

'Cause in my book, wearing a badge doesn't grant you respect. Respect is earned not granted.

Well... so much for that.
Also, I find it a shame that "Be able to spell" is not included on that list.

1. While baseball and basketball may not be Euro-centric, I think the nations of Japan, China, the DR, Mexico, Venezuela, Argentina, Cuba and both Koreas would be a little offended that you think those sports are only played in the U.S.
2. If spelling was on it, it wouldn't be a list of 75 things, now would it?

I actually had a conversation with a group of female coworkers and two male friends about why a man needs to know how to shake hands properly, and how important it really is.

Agree.

It really, really isn't as important as people make out.

Disagree. I always remember a person, especially a guy, with a limp handshake. It's effing gross. I may have even talked to the person a few times without shaking their hand for some reason, and as soon as that handshake happens, it totally changes how I think of them. I can not stand when you go for a handshake and the other person just slaps their hand in yours like a dead fish and lets it rest there. It creeps me right out.

This article reminded me of the thread about essential skills awhile back. I'm not a man, but I still found this interesting. I bolded the ones I'm fairly confident I've fulfilled. How many can you do? The full article, with expanded advice and illustrations, can be found here. (http://www.esquire.com/features/essential-skills-0508)


A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

I, and almost everyone within my immediate influence, is thusly doomed.
Doomed.

This is really vague. I mean, what sort of advice are we talking about? If I were to see a man with his penis in a blender I could say, "Don't turn that on."
And the day Fiddlebottoms wears a tie is the day he has given up on all that really matters in life; I only hope that I have the good sense to strangle myself to death with it before going out into public.:fluffle:
Love you.

This article reminded me of the thread about essential skills awhile back. I'm not a man, but I still found this interesting. I bolded the ones I'm fairly confident I've fulfilled. How many can you do? The full article, with expanded advice and illustrations, can be found here. (http://www.esquire.com/features/essential-skills-0508)


A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.Yup.
2. Tell if someone is lying. Yup.
3. Take a photo. Yup.
4. Score a baseball game. Couldn't care less.
5. Name a book that matters. Yup.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. Yup.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Yup.
8. Not monopolize the conversation. Depends, but it's a possibility.
9. Write a letter. Essay, yes. Letter, nope.
10. Buy a suit. Meh.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count. Yup.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. Yup.
13. Throw a punch. Teehee.
14. Chop down a tree. Yup, though i'm not likely to do it much.
15. Calculate square footage. Yup.
16. Tie a bow tie. Nope.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. Yup.
18. Speak a foreign language. Yup.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. Daily.
20. Sew a button. Nope.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. Yup, but where's the fun in that?
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. Isn't that what Rufies are for? Erm, yup.
23. Be loyal. Yup.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Nope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. Nope. I always think about stuff like that first.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. Yup, although i approach everything from a "defeated-first" attitude.
27. Play gin with an old guy. Yup.
28. Play go fish with a kid. Yup exponentiated.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. Teehee.
30. Feign interest. Teehee.
31. Make a bed. Yup, though i usually won't. I sleep in a sleeping bag.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. Meh.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. Yup.
34. Dress a wound. Depends on the wound, and whom is inflicted.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once). Yup x3.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Never tried.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards. Yup.
38. Tell a joke. Did today. About Gandhi.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. Yup.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. Yup.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. Usually, nope.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. Always.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Yup.
44. Ask for help. Maybe.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. Teehee.
46. Tell a woman's dress size. Nope.
47. Recite one poem from memory. Yup.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot. Yup.
49. Say no. No. Erm, yup. What?
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Yup.
51. Build a campfire. Yup.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. Yup.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass. Teehee.
54. Break up a fight. Yup.
55. Point to the north at any time. Night?
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. Done.
57. Explain what a light-year is. Yup.
58. Avoid boredom. Always.
59. Write a thank-you note. Yup.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. Yup.
61. Cook bacon. Yup.
62. Hold a baby. Yup.
63. Deliver a eulogy. Done.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Teehee.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. Irrelevant.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Yup.
69. Tie a knot. Yup.
70. Shake hands. Yup.
71. Iron a shirt. Meh.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. Yup.
73. Caress a woman's neck. Boy howdy.
74. Know some birds. ...biblically?
75. Negotiate a better price. Yup.

Brb.

I, and almost everyone within my immediate influence, is thusly doomed.
Doomed.

Once again, Straughn, I've seen your skills and surpassed them.

1. While baseball and basketball may not be Euro-centric, I think the nations of Japan, China, the DR, Mexico, Venezuela, Argentina, Cuba and both Koreas would be a little offended that you think those sports are only played in the U.S.
2. If spelling was on it, it wouldn't be a list of 75 things, now would it?


Points grudgingly conceeded. But it's still wrong about football. That's indefensible.

Daily.

She's standing behind you isn't she? Don't worry...just blink once. We won't tell her.

Once again, Straughn, I've seen your skills and surpassed them.
Is that an admission of victory or of defeat? :confused:
BTW - as skills go ... show me how to get my friggin' sigs back!
*tasks*
http://www.websmileys.com/sm/sad/014.gif

She's standing behind you isn't she? Don't worry...just blink once. We won't tell her.She's onto the eye thing. It's gonna have to be pheromones ... i ... aw crap.

lol, this is hilarious. Mankind has hit a new low.

She's onto the eye thing. It's gonna have to be pheromones ... i ... aw crap.

*sniffs Straughn*


...

o.0

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (done)
2. Tell if someone is lying. (done)
3. Take a photo. (done)
4. Score a baseball game. (done)
5. Name a book that matters. (done)
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. (done)
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. (done)
8. Not monopolize the conversation. (done)
9. Write a letter. (done)
10. Buy a suit. (done)
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count. (done)
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. (done)
13. Throw a punch. (done)
14. Chop down a tree. (done)
15. Calculate square footage. (done)
16. Tie a bow tie. (done)
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. (done)
18. Speak a foreign language. (done)
19. Approach a woman out of his league. (done; everytime)
20. Sew a button. (done)
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. (done)
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. (done)
23. Be loyal. (done)
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. (done)
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. (done; sadly)
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (done)
27. Play gin with an old guy. (done)
28. Play go fish with a kid. (done)
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. (done)
30. Feign interest. (done)
31. Make a bed. (done)
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. (done)
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. (done)
34. Dress a wound. (done)
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once). (done)
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. (done)
37. Shuffle a deck of cards. (done)
38. Tell a joke. (done; once)
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. (done)
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. (done)
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. (done)
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. (done)
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. (done)
44. Ask for help. (done)
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. (done)
46. Tell a woman's dress size. (done)
47. Recite one poem from memory. (done)
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot. (done)
49. Say no. (done)
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. (done)
51. Build a campfire. (done)
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. (done)
53. Sometimes, kick some ass. (done)
54. Break up a fight. (done)
55. Point to the north at any time. (done)
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. (done)
57. Explain what a light-year is. (done)
58. Avoid boredom. (done)
59. Write a thank-you note. (done)
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (done)
61. Cook bacon. (done)
62. Hold a baby. (done)
63. Deliver a eulogy. (done; sucked doing it)
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. (done, and done)
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. (done)
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. (done)
69. Tie a knot. (done)
70. Shake hands. (done)
71. Iron a shirt. (done)
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. (done)
73. Caress a woman's neck. (done)
74. Know some birds. (done)
75. Negotiate a better price. (done)

*sniffs Straughn*


...

o.0
I'm sorry about that. Not everyone has time to bathe when their SO spends so much time in the loo.
Smelling salts?

Points grudgingly conceeded. But it's still wrong about football. That's indefensible.

I see your point about Soccer being the truly global sport and all, but hear me out on this.

I've played both Football and Soccer, and I will say this. It is much more difficult and taxing to throw a football with a nice, tight spiral and good velocity (not to mention accuracy), than it is to kick a soccer ball at the same level.

Two very different things, yes, but one of those things happens to be much more difficult to accomplish. And, if the situation calls for it, a football can become a lethal weapon in the hands of a (well-)trained person. A soccer ball, not so much, though it does have stopping power if one can manage to kick it into the attacker's head.

Mankind has hit a new low.
You ended that sentence wrong ... it should've ended with "...... ..."
Besides, you're on NS. Is it lonely in your ivory tower?

I'm sorry about that. Not everyone has time to bathe when their SO spends so much time in the loo.
Smelling salts?

No, no...it's fine. really.

*puts on medic mask and latex gloves*
*breaks out febreeze*
*douses Straughn with Axe*
*bribes SO out of bathroom with promises of fame and fortune*
*binds Straughn with duct tape and throws in tub*

Nope, I haven't thought about this before. Why do you ask?

No, no...it's fine. really.

*puts on medic mask and latex gloves*
*breaks out febreeze*
*douses Straughn with Axe*
*bribes SO out of bathroom with promises of fame and fortune*
*binds Straughn with duct tape and throws in tub*

Nope, I haven't thought about this before. Why do you ask?

I... I hope you doused him with Febreeze before the Axe...

I... I hope you doused him with Febreeze before the Axe...

I figure we can just layer the scents, hose him down, and see what sticks. *nod*


*throws on some cheap cologne for good measure*

76. Ignore time-wasting quizzes, especially those that purport to tell him how to run his life.

I figure we can just layer the scents, hose him down, and see what sticks. *nod*


*throws on some cheap cologne for good measure*

You're just making him smell like hot, sick ass!

You have to spray on the Febreeze first, then douse him with Axe! Only then can you throw him in the tub...

...Full of Everclear.

You're just making him smell like hot, sick ass!

You have to spray on the Febreeze first, then douse him with Axe! Only then can you throw him in the tub...

...Full of Everclear.

What a waste of perfectly good Everclear. Shouldn't we just use rubbing alcohol? I mean, think about it. You're proposing a bathtub sized Straughn martini...

What a waste of perfectly good Everclear. Shouldn't we just use rubbing alcohol? I mean, think about it. You're proposing a bathtub sized Straughn martini...

It's the whole novelty thing, you know?

I mean, when it's a bathtub full of rubbing alcahol, it's just alcahol. But when it's a bathtub full of Everclear, it's a memory.

And in this case, a bad one. But a memory nonetheless!

This is important because of the overwhelming numbers of trees that are plaguing this earth, and encroaching on our territory. A woman needs a man who is capable of defending her from the ents.



QFT

It's the whole novelty thing, you know?

I mean, when it's a bathtub full of rubbing alcahol, it's just alcahol. But when it's a bathtub full of Everclear, it's a memory.

And in this case, a bad one. But a memory nonetheless!

Think the everclear might disolve the glue on the duct tape?

Hmm...maybe more traditional bindings would be more effective. I'm sure his SO has some we could borrow.

Think the everclear might disolve the glue on the duct tape?

Hmm...maybe more traditional bindings would be more effective. I'm sure his SO has some we could borrow.

Hmm. If we use leather, that might end up being classified as cruel and unusual punishment, as the material tends to shrink in water.

I wonder if they use nylon straps...

Hmm. If we use leather, that might end up being classified as cruel and unusual punishment, as the material tends to shrink in water.

I wonder if they use nylon straps...

Just out of curiosity, but have you noticed that Straughn has suddenly disappeared?

*unleashes dogs trained to sniff out Febreeze, axe, and cheap cologne*


That reminds me...Esquire forgot that every man needs to know how to get out of bondage. It can be quite useful.

And never, ever, ever stroke the front of a woman's neck. Too close to strangling.

There was a guy who did this to me a couple times... honestly, it creeped me out more than anything. I don't really understand what he thought he was doing, but it was seriously not sexy at all.

Just out of curiosity, but have you noticed that Straughn has suddenly disappeared?

*unleashes dogs trained to sniff out Febreeze, axe, and cheap cologne*


That reminds me...Esquire forgot that every man needs to know how to get out of bondage. It can be quite useful.

He's around. Try the "sexiest female NSGer" thread. :p

He's around. Try the "sexiest female NSGer" thread. :p

*sigh*


should have known.


He's just hiding.

*sigh*


should have known.


He's just hiding.

Hiding is what he eventually wants to do, but only with a specific body party.

No, my friend, Straughn is currently playing coy.

Hiding is what he eventually wants to do, but only with a specific body party.

No, my friend, Straughn is currently playing coy.

Well, I do like me a lady in the streets...


again, I state: o.0

There was a guy who did this to me a couple times... honestly, it creeped me out more than anything. I don't really understand what he thought he was doing, but it was seriously not sexy at all.

I'm not even sure how one would go about doing that without it looking like you're about to strangle the girl.

I'm not even sure how one would go about doing that without it looking like you're about to strangle the girl.
some girls are into that.
*nods*

some girls are into that.
*nods*

They all are. Even the ones who claim not to be.

At least they never seem to say 'no' to me on that one.

some girls are into that.
*nods*

Yea, but wouldn't the ones that aren't think you've gone all psychopath on them? I mean, I'm sitting here trying to imagine a situation where in the heat of things that might not seem wierd...but I can't; and at this point all it's doing is making me remember scenes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (specifically, The Gang Gets Taken Hostage).

They all are. Even the ones who claim not to be.

At least they never seem to say 'no' to me on that one.

You know that thrashing motion and blue lip thing they do? Yeah...that means no ;)

omgz, guys... just figured out how to quote multiple posts. >_> anyway.

I'm not even sure how one would go about doing that without it looking like you're about to strangle the girl.

Yeah... honestly, I don't know. It was both the first and last time he got close enough to touch me like that at all. :p Like, hand around the neck. No.

some girls are into that.
*nods*

Totally. I'm not one of them, though... and definitely not with someone I am just getting to know. I mean, if my SO tried it, then maybe we'd see where it went. Stupid guy whom I'd been seeing for, what, four days? Not to mention, there's sexin' time, and then there's sitting on the couch watching a movie time. I don't know if he was going for some sort of sensual touch, but it was not working for him.

Yea, but wouldn't the ones that aren't think you've gone all psychopath on them? I mean, I'm sitting here trying to imagine a situation where in the heat of things that might not seem wierd...but I can't; and at this point all it's doing is making me remember scenes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (specifically, The Gang Gets Taken Hostage).
Usually, they've started to think I'm a psychopath around the first time they hear me quote an entire episode of Pinky and the Brain or when I randomly break out into a round of the chicken dance on the T...

You know that thrashing motion and blue lip thing they do? Yeah...that means no ;)

I thought that was orgasm. :(

Man... I must be a worse lover than I thought!

Yea, but wouldn't the ones that aren't think you've gone all psychopath on them? I mean, I'm sitting here trying to imagine a situation where in the heat of things that might not seem wierd...but I can't; and at this point all it's doing is making me remember scenes from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (specifically, The Gang Gets Taken Hostage).

Major hearts. I love that show.

omgz, guys... just figured out how to quote multiple posts. >_> anyway.
Cheers!

Totally. I'm not one of them, though... and definitely not with someone I am just getting to know. I mean, if my SO tried it, then maybe we'd see where it went. Stupid guy whom I'd been seeing for, what, four days? Not to mention, there's sexin' time, and then there's sitting on the couch watching a movie time. I don't know if he was going for some sort of sensual touch, but it was not working for him.
haha...I can't defend it. I had enough trouble defending it when she enjoyed it

I thought that was orgasm. :(

Man... I must be a worse lover than I thought!

Thrashing motion, I'll give ya...but the blue lips are a dead give away...


get it? Dead give...away....ha?

Sorry. I'll show myself out.

haha...I can't defend it. I had enough trouble defending it when she enjoyed it

I think my SO would freak out more than I would if he ever tried it. I mean, I only just recently convinced him that I might enjoy the occasional smack on the bottom or two without him giving himself grieve over the fact that he hit me hard enough to make NOISE! (Like, hello. That's the best part. That and the red marks left behind. :p)

I think my SO would freak out more than I would if he ever tried it. I mean, I only just recently convinced him that I might enjoy the occasional smack on the bottom or two without him giving himself grieve over the fact that he hit me hard enough to make NOISE! (Like, hello. That's the best part. That and the red marks left behind. :p)Just wait till you introduce him to the art of the nipple tweak. His or yours, your call ;)

Major hearts. I love that show.
Yay for Sunny Philly viewers! The show is seriously way under appreciated. I'm sad that I didn't know about it until after it'd been canned.

Makes a great drinking game, too, btw. If someone's seen all the episodes multiple times, they know what the good picks are to drink to. (i.e. Every time they say baby in the dumpster baby episode.)
haha...I can't defend it. I had enough trouble defending it when she enjoyed it

Guah...I'm not sure what I'd say if I was ever asked to "choke" the girl during sex. Probably something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I have a hard time incorporating playing at murder into my fucking." It'd be awkward, though, that's for sure.

Guah...I'm not sure what I'd say if I was ever asked to "choke" the girl during sex. Probably something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I have a hard time incorporating playing at murder into my fucking." It'd be awkward, though, that's for sure.

Yeah....but she was hot. And pretty convincing. and gave into my little kinks as much as she asked me to.

Just wait till you introduce him to the art of the nipple tweak. His or yours, your call ;)

See, that's the funny part. He has *no* trouble there. :p He's selective in the ways he's okay with causing me pain, I suppose.

Yay for Sunny Philly viewers! The show is seriously way under appreciated. I'm sad that I didn't know about it until after it'd been canned.

My SO introduced it to me, actually; we caught a bit of it while it was still on, but then he just buys the series on DVD and we watch it that way.

Guah...I'm not sure what I'd say if I was ever asked to "choke" the girl during sex. Probably something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I have a hard time incorporating playing at murder into my fucking." It'd be awkward, though, that's for sure.

Understandable. I'd never be able to do it if a guy asked me, either; it'd be like, "You know, I get that you might be turned on by that, but it makes me feel like a rapist, and that just doesn't quite do it for me." Plus, I couldn't physically make myself hold someone's neck hard enough to affect breathing. I'd be seriously bothered by it for awhile, I imagine. I'm all for (safe) execution by people who are willing and informed, but it's just... not for me.

I can probably do 22 better than a man, anyways.
Doesn't count without pictures or streaming video!

Quickly skimming the list, I'd say I score about 15-25, depending on how you define being able to do something(do I have to do it well?)

Though a number of these things probably aren't really that important. I could come up with a much different list.

4. Score a baseball game.
That's certainly an extremely valuable skill on the international job market.
5. Name a book that matters.
matters in what way and to who?
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
yeah, because a musical geek is soooo cool.
16. Tie a bow tie.
useful for pretentious twats and Stan Laurel look-a-likes maybe but again not so useful in everyday affairs.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
They call it 'football' over there, so you've just insulted them by using the term 'soccer'.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
mmm...cyanide or arsenic? Y'know, I just can't decide!
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
I have to think what the hell he's talking about here first. a little bit of metric help here please?

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
"Geez, Another four of these and I'll be totally wasted!"
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
That's easy - guess, then take 3 sizes off before you tell her. Then feign surprise over her real dress size and harp on about how slender she looks.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
Do limmericks count?
57. Explain what a light-year is.
"A really long time"
58. Avoid boredom.
Best way is avoid Esquire magazine I've found.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
Cause nothing shouts out about one's individuality and strength of personality like the slavish devotion to a particular mass-produced product.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit. does a tux count?
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. depends who you ask. Some think my Bloody Marys are a bit too strong/fiery. If Black & Tans count I can make those well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. Since my assumption was that basically any woman worth being with was out of my league, yeah, I can do this.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. (I haven't tried enough different ones to know yet, except that I like a good Stout or Porter the best)
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I don't like wine, so I can always say "It isn't my thing."
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory. It's not a good poem, but...
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.[/QUOTE]

I can do the ones in bold

Plus, I couldn't physically make myself hold someone's neck hard enough to affect breathing. I'd be seriously bothered by it for awhile, I imagine. I'm all for (safe) execution by people who are willing and informed, but it's just... not for me.

When I was 16 I was play-wrestling with my first boyfriend, who was just about exactly the same size as me but a soccer player and much stronger, and he got a hand around my neck. To be fair to him, I don't think he meant to hurt me, but I started choking and flailing and it took him a moment to realize I wasn't still playing. It was terrifying; I'm a fairly strong girl, and I don't take shit from anyone, but it caught me by surprise and I realized how much stronger he was and that I could not break free if I wanted to. Needless to say, we did not last long.

Well, keep in mind that "out of your league" can also mean "below your league".

Heeeeeeeeellooooooooo, paper bag!

True, didn't think of that.

I can chop wood, but a tree? wtf?!

When I was 16 I was play-wrestling with my first boyfriend, who was just about exactly the same size as me but a soccer player and much stronger, and he got a hand around my neck. To be fair to him, I don't think he meant to hurt me, but I started choking and flailing and it took him a moment to realize I wasn't still playing. It was terrifying; I'm a fairly strong girl, and I don't take shit from anyone, but it caught me by surprise and I realized how much stronger he was and that I could not break free if I wanted to. Needless to say, we did not last long.

Well, I don't have a problem with a guy being stronger than me - and in fact, prefer it, since it makes me feel all delicate and such :p - but... yeah, no. I'd be bothered by anyone reaching for the neck at all.

Haha, the poor guy I was seeing. He wasn't even a bad guy, it's just that timing REALLY wasn't in his favour, and he had that bizarre notion of what part of the neck to carress... and he'll forever live in my mind as the creepy guy who make me feel like choking was a possible danger in his presence. Oh, well.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters. isn't this one a bit too easy ? bible anyone ?
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage. Footage...square meters thank you very much ;)
16. Tie a bow tie. Never actually had to wear a bow tie, i can sortoff manage a regular tie though.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. I am european, i do regularly insult footy though.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I con't like wine, can i use the words: "it sucks"?
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once). Don't own a car, i can fix everything on bicycles though
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory. just one?
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. i'm a cycler, i row, i don't shoot hoops, play footy or basketball...
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. hmm, never actually gotten lost before.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. Don't own a car, don't even have a license, so i never bothered with this.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price. I almost got 75 camels for my sister when we visited egypt, better then the guys offer of 50 :P


Yikes, thats quite a lot of things i can do 66/75, guess i'm a man after all :P

Haha, the poor guy I was seeing. He wasn't even a bad guy, it's just that timing REALLY wasn't in his favour, and he had that bizarre notion of what part of the neck to carress... and he'll forever live in my mind as the creepy guy who make me feel like choking was a possible danger in his presence. Oh, well.

Maybe he was just trying to do a different motion and miscalculated? I have insomnia, right now, so I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around the whole, "Maybe she'll really dig it if I come at her like a mugger/serial killer!" thing.

It's not football, it's soccer.

Maybe he was just trying to do a different motion and miscalculated? I have insomnia, right now, so I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around the whole, "Maybe she'll really dig it if I come at her like a mugger/serial killer!" thing.

See, he could claim that defense if it hadn't happened more than once. No, it was definitely its own move. :p

It's not football, it's soccer.

*twitch*

i think hienline's lazarus long had a pretty good list, even if i didn't aggree with all his reasons for them, or in some cases perspective on them. but that's not something i'd expect any two real persons to entirely aggree on either.

but being able to plan an invasion AND chainge a diaper, and specialization being for insects, being the basic gist of it, made perfect sense to me.

being able to cry, AND to lay down your life for something you considered worth doing so for, ...

i do believe we all need to know more then most people do, what we would need to, inorder to survive if all the infrastructure and everything we get from it, were one morning no longer there. to not be so completely dependent on the expertese of others as to how practical things actually work.

something a lot of economic interests DON'T want the average joe or jane to know, to keep us all dependent on them.

=^^=
.../\...

WTF has brand loyalty for at least one product got do with anything that justifies it being on this list...and where is "know how to play the accordion but don't"?

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game. Never played the game
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. I suppose I can argue with a non-European without getting xenophobic or insulting their national sport
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. I would ask for help on the theory of doing the task but would attempt to do it myself in practice
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size. Only my girlfriends
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Hate eggs
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time. Not a chance
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. Could but wouldn't
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. This is very random
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy. Never had the opportunity so can't be sure if I could do a good job of it
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Never really thought about him before
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. None are sports I enjoy
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. I'm more likely to just get more lost
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Cooking in general is useful
9. Write a letter. Reading and writing in general
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count. Swim well enough to not drown
18. Speak a foreign language.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. Argue with anyone about anything you disagree with them about rationally and calmly
34. Dress a wound. First aid in general
44. Ask for help.
49. Say no.
58. Avoid boredom.
62. Hold a baby.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.


The ones I think might actually useful for all men, or women, to know.

EDIT: bolded for what I can do.

The ones I think might actually useful for all men, or women, to know.

EDIT: bolded for what I can do.

The correct way to hold a baby is by its ears isn't it?

The correct way to hold a baby is by its ears isn't it?

One ear will do if you've got a strong grip.

You ended that sentence wrong ... it should've ended with "...... ..."
Besides, you're on NS. Is it lonely in your ivory tower?

No, I've got plenty of company. The voices, after all, never cease to speak.

I... I hope you doused him with Febreeze before the Axe...

Simple Green!
*repeats until hoarse*

*throws on some cheap cologne for good measure*
"Did it HAVE TO be named, 'Grunt'?"

No, no...it's fine. really.

*puts on medic mask and latex gloves*
*breaks out febreeze*
*douses Straughn with Axe*
*bribes SO out of bathroom with promises of fame and fortune*
*binds Straughn with duct tape and throws in tub*

Nope, I haven't thought about this before. Why do you ask?
What, no chocolate? :(

You're just making him smell like hot, sick ass!It's lines like this that render the whole 8-line-sig issue such an abominable travesty.
:mad:

...Full of Everclear.
Yay! FINALLY!! ...they outlawed it up here, the fucking fuckers.

And in this case, a bad one. But a memory nonetheless!
I feel vindicated in that mention i made about epitaphs a few days back. *bows*

Think the everclear might disolve the glue on the duct tape?

Hmm...maybe more traditional bindings would be more effective. I'm sure his SO has some we could borrow.Quite true. We're planning on using the duct tape for the kids, since we're not gonna beat 'em.
The other stuff ... well, i'll get back to you on that.

There was a guy who did this to me a couple times... honestly, it creeped me out more than anything. I don't really understand what he thought he was doing, but it was seriously not sexy at all.

Has to ... HAS to ... be with the tongue and a little teeth ... until you really get to know the person.
I have a peculiar anecdote about an ex and my neck that i'll say some other time.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter.
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (actually sigh because the sound of the reel letting the line out is a pleasant sound to me. so it's a sigh of relaxing/pleasure.)
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
30. Feign interest.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car. Change a flat tire. Change the oil.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.

61/75 Not bad for a 17 year old, and cinsidering I hate Fishing, Basketball, and Baseball and am not much of a gambling fan that leaves tieing a bow tie...

... plus you can cancel out 22, since I dont know whether or not I can yet... :P

Has to ... HAS to ... be with the tongue and a little teeth ... until you really get to know the person.
I have a peculiar anecdote about an ex and my neck that i'll say some other time.

Well, I'm curious, now. Do tell. :p

Well, I'm curious, now. Do tell. :pI will, i promise. It doesn't end the way you might think, though :p

No one has to be a certain way, but it would be sweet if men could at least...

3. Take a photo.
5. Name a book that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
10. Buy a suit.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
16. Tie a bow tie.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.
23. Be loyal.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
49. Say no.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
70. Shake hands.
73. Caress a woman's neck.

I'm pretty sure I can do all the rest. ;)

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (Does STFU count?)
2. Tell if someone is lying.
3. Take a photo.
4. Score a baseball game. (Wow, I can count)
5. Name a book that matters.(I can name several books that matter to me, and I don't care what books matter to someone else)
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.(card-carrying Beatlemaniac)
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.(Just common courtesy)
9. Write a letter.(Woo-hoo, I'm literate!)
10. Buy a suit.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.(what if I don't respect anyone?)
13. Throw a punch.
14. Chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage.(basic math)
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
18. Speak a foreign language.
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.(It's arguing with other Americans that gets me into trouble)
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it.(if you can't tell, she was probably faking it)
23. Be loyal.(not that hard if you're a decent person)
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.(I understand it even a little better than that)
30. Feign interest.(like how I'm feigning interest in this thread?)
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
34. Dress a wound.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
38. Tell a joke.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
44. Ask for help.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.(better still to know how to lie about how she looks in a given dress and sound believeable)
47. Recite one poem from memory. (There once was a man from Nantucket...)
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
51. Build a campfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight.
55. Point to the north at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
58. Avoid boredom.(the secret here is to avoid asinine topics of discussion with macho assholes)
59. Write a thank-you note.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.(I'll buy whatever I want for whatever reason I want)
61. Cook bacon.
62. Hold a baby.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.(no shit. crack a history book)
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
69. Tie a knot.
70. Shake hands.
71. Iron a shirt.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
74. Know some birds.
75. Negotiate a better price.


How about this one...
76. Know that manhood or masculinity is more than just the ability to perform a bunch of shit on some dumbass list.

I will, i promise. It doesn't end the way you might think, though :p

I've no preconceived notions as to the ending of the story. I await with eager ears. :)

Quite true. We're planning on using the duct tape for the kids, since we're not gonna beat 'em.
The other stuff ... well, i'll get back to you on that.
There was an incident around here a few years back where a daycare center was shut down because they duct taped kids to the wall "just to see if they stuck".

They did.
Has to ... HAS to ... be with the tongue and a little teeth ... until you really get to know the person.
I have a peculiar anecdote about an ex and my neck that i'll say some other time.

New anecdote thread aka Sarky and SJS story hour?

There was an incident around here a few years back where a daycare center was shut down because they duct taped kids to the wall "just to see if they stuck".

They did.

Yeah, but you have to wonder if it's really as fun as lining a room's walls with fuzzy carpet and putting velcro suits on a bunch of midgets and having a go of it.

New anecdote thread aka Sarky and SJS story hour?

Whoa. After all of our double-team comedy gold, you don't even mention my name in your thread?

Bitch.

Whoa. After all of our double-team comedy gold, you don't even mention my name in your thread?

Bitch.

haha....the anecdote threads almost always end up just me and him telling stories. But you can have in too if you'd like.

haha....the anecdote threads almost always end up just me and him telling stories. But you can have in too if you'd like.

Depends on what kind of "stories" you're talking about here.

Depends on what kind of "stories" you're talking about here.

Varies depending on the thread, but usually becomes wholly entertaining

Varies depending on the thread, but usually becomes wholly entertaining

As entertaining as this (http://megamanrockout.ytmnd.com)?

46. Tell a woman's dress size.

But if you even get the right answer you face getting clawed simply because you aren't supposed to know that or something, I don't know it's just a stupid piece of advice

At least they never seem to say 'no' to me on that one.Perhaps their gurgle isn't quite intelligible, eh?

Usually, they've started to think I'm a psychopath around the first time they hear me quote an entire episode of Pinky and the BrainYou so fucking rock. *bows*
or when I randomly break out into a round of the chicken dance on the T......the inventor passed on last month. :(

I thought that was orgasm.
Point for you even noticing. :(

Hiding is what he eventually wants to do, but only with a specific body party.Did you say, "party"?
o.9

No, my friend, Straughn is currently playing coy.Or irl ... or "battery catch-up"

He's around. Try the "sexiest female NSGer" thread. :p

I do have to sleep ya know!

I only just recently convinced him that I might enjoy the occasional smack on the bottom or two without him giving himself grieve over the fact that he hit me hard enough to make NOISE! (Like, hello. That's the best part. That and the red marks left behind. :p)There's, again, always gnawing for that.

And pretty convincing. and gave into my little kinks as much as she asked me to.That reminds me ... Ruffy send you his "care package" yet?

No, I've got plenty of company. The voices, after all, never cease to speak.
Well, could be the acoustics, an echo or something.

EDIT: bolded for what I can do.
...YOU can "ask for help"?

I've no preconceived notions as to the ending of the story. I await with eager ears. :)
If i say it involved a knife, are you still interested?
n/k Wasn't me with the knife.

There was an incident around here a few years back where a daycare center was shut down because they duct taped kids to the wall "just to see if they stuck".

They did.Until they're old enough to relate to humility, it's likely gonna be something t'other. Maybe paintball grenades.


New anecdote thread aka Sarky and SJS story hour?
I so totally would, my gentleman caller, but i can't swear unflinchingly on the commitment of hours. Lotsa distractions and such right now. :)

Yeah, but you have to wonder if it's really as fun as lining a room's walls with fuzzy carpet and putting velcro suits on a bunch of midgets and having a go of it.
I have so ... sooooooooooooo wanted that. So much.
Alas .... :(

If i say it involved a knife, are you still interested?
n/k

Suddenly, I wonder if you're a coworker of mine. Only because he has a story about a knife, an ex, and his neck, and his is a pretty upsetting story. So, worst case scenario, it's similar to his. I hope not, only because it would make me sad to know you'd gone through something like that. =(

Suddenly, I wonder if you're a coworker of mine.I don't think so. :(
Only because he has a story about a knife, an ex, and his neck, and his is a pretty upsetting story. So, worst case scenario, it's similar to his. I hope not, only because it would make me sad to know you'd gone through something like that. =(It didn't end "badly". I learned something pretty valuable that day, and i thank her for that.
That probably sounds strange, but it was admittedly a strange scenario.
How does your coworker feel about what happened to him, if you don't mind me asking?

I refuse to attempt to abide by this list as a guide because it is culturally bias. (apologies if it already has been pointed out)

In regards to #19 does that just mean approach or be successful

Also number 44, WTF most men shouldn't need this as we always know whats right, and #68 Men are never lost so this one is irrelevant jk.

A few suggestions to add to the list, know how to drive a manual and understand how it works.

It didn't end "badly". I learned something pretty valuable that day, and i thank her for that.
That probably sounds strange, but it was admittedly a strange scenario.
How does your coworker feel about what happened to him, if you don't mind me asking?

My coworker... is sort of a strange person. He's a super-introspective, seemingly emotionless person who's been through a lot of shit in his life, and I can't help but think sometimes that it just really fucked him up. This particular incident, he looks back on... sadly, but as something that's just part of his life, I think. As a sort of learning experience, and a sad reminder that people have breaking points that can't always be predicted. I'll tell you his story, if you'd like; he honestly wouldn't mind. And we're good enough friends that I can say that for sure.

My coworker... is sort of a strange person. He's a super-introspective, seemingly emotionless person who's been through a lot of shit in his life, and I can't help but think sometimes that it just really fucked him up. This particular incident, he looks back on... sadly, but as something that's just part of his life, I think.It might be that the meaning he's keeping is really not the kind of thing that can be expressed in the "right kinds of words", which is how i always seem to feel about certain things. As much as i attempt to supplement my vocabulary, there's just certain things that really don't seem to come across as sensible to a person. A little resignation seems to come from that.
As a sort of learning experience, and a sad reminder that people have breaking points that can't always be predicted.Yup. Had a few myself, as you might've guessed.
I'll tell you his story, if you'd like; he honestly wouldn't mind. And we're good enough friends that I can say that for sure.I would ... would you TG it to me?

I would ... would you TG it to me?

Will do. Expect it shortly.

Will do. Expect it shortly.
Thank you. *bows*

46 out of 75. Not that good.

I changed the wording a bit to fit my particular situation.


A Man Should Be Able To:

1. Give advice that matters on one's sentence.
2. Tell when god is lying.
3. Take a porno.
4. Score at a baseball game.
5. Name a björk that matters.
6. Know at least one musical group in the biblical sense.
7. Put his meat somewhere other than in a girl.
8. Not monotonize the consonants.
9. Write a suicide letter.
10. Bug a suit.
11. Swim without having strokes. Doggie paddle does so count.
12. Show respect to anyone who is a suck-up.
13. Throw a punch and judy show.
14. Fall down a tree.
15. Cacculate square footage.
16. Tie a bomb vest on.
17. Make them all drink, in large batches, from the well.
18. Fake a foreign language.
19. Cockroach a woman out of her plague.
20. Push a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting genocidal or insulting soccer.
22. Give a woman an ostrich made from a car tire before she even asks for it.
23. Be a golden retriever.
24. Know witch poison, wiccan standing stones, and everything about dope.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into both thumbs without thinking about it.
26. Cast a fish before god without shrieking or sighing or otherwise insulting the fish.
27. Use gin to rob an old guy.
28. Use a fish to discipline a kid.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that this sentence probably doesn't have anything to do with quantum physics.
30. Feign sleep.
31. Make a bed collapse.
32. Drink a glass of wine in one swallow without using the terms aargh, guh-huh, blech, fuck, or water.
33. Shoot up a pool hall.[/B]
34. Undress a wound.
35. Jump out of a moving car (without any reason). Give a neighbour a flat tire (safely). Change into an owl so no-one can sleep.
36. Make three crap bets before falling under the table.
37. Deal cards for 52-pickup.
38. Kill a joke.
39. Know when to split before getting the blackjack.
40. Bellow at an eight-year-old so he will hear.
41. Grease up a waiter so he will hear.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear trains smashing.
43. Install: a discoball, an electronic riding bull, and a fighting ring, and still have friends.
44. Beg for help like a little girl.
45. Break another man's fist with his face.
46. Tell a woman her dress is the wrong size.
47. Recite his whole name from memory.
48. Remove a Private Investigator. Plot. Always plot.
49. Say no by ventriloquism.
50. Fry an egg up completely. In smoke.
51. Start a bushfire.
52. Step into a job no one wants.
53. Get it back off your shoe.
54. Ramp up a fight.
55. Point to the groin at any time.
56. Create a play-list in which ten utterly random songs provide a secret message to aliens from the future.
57. Explain what a picoparsec is.
58. Avoid bedroom.
59. Write a fuck-you note.
60. Be branded "loyal" on at least one shank.
61. Pretend it's bacon.
62. Hurl a baby.
63. Deliver a turgid rant.
64. Know that that Columbus guy was a son of a bitch.
65-67. Throw a rotten vegetable over-hand with some sap. Lay down a turd with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot piss streak reliably.
68. Find the woods if lost.
69. Tie up hands.
70. Shake uncontrollably.
71. Be ironic about shit.
72. Flee an emergency in the car.
73. Talk to a woman's neck.
74. Know Big Bird.
75. Negate chances of a better price.[/QUOTE]

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.It's still impossible for that to happen as it is normally meant. You might better say: "Recognize that physical laws are labels for what we see, nothing more."